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00:01August 22nd, 2005.
00:06From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York,
00:11this is The Daily Show with John Svord.
00:35My name is John Svord.
00:36Man, what a show tonight.
00:37The fine newsman Chris Wallace is going to be joining us later.
00:39But first, big, big news in Iraq.
00:42A draft constitution has been, while not approved, written.
00:49It's been written before the midnight deadline.
00:53There's still apparently they need a few days to work some things out,
00:56but I think this is going to be very exciting for you.
00:58So, in the Iraqi draft constitution, this is news.
01:02I am breaking this news on this program.
01:05Iraq will officially celebrate Christmas.
01:14Apparently, that's what this whole delay has been about.
01:18The whole week, they've just been going back and forth.
01:21They're just, really, baby Jesus, really?
01:26And, uh, you get presents?
01:34But we're going to begin tonight with more on our victory in Iraq.
01:40In Iraq, it's just past its two-year mark,
01:44and the victory there is growing increasingly glorious.
01:49So, the president is launching a brand-new defensive over Iraq,
01:53hitting the road in response to criticism on the weekend's news talk shows
01:56from the usual band of peaceniks,
01:58like Nebraska Republican Senator Chuck Hagel.
02:03Any measurement, any standard you apply to this,
02:06we're not winning.
02:07Now, what's the definition of not winning?
02:09I think if you could just, for example,
02:13say that you could secure the road from the Baghdad airport to downtown Baghdad.
02:26Oh, my God.
02:28We've gone from promising to democratize the Middle East
02:31to hoping to secure a quick ride to the airport.
02:41Now, a political scandal obviously can't be taken seriously
02:44until it gets agape.
02:46Well, there's a similar test for foreign policy fiascos.
02:49We are locked into a bogged-down problem,
02:52not unsimilar or dissimilar to where we were in Vietnam.
02:56Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
02:59Now it's a problem, now it's a problem.
03:01And said, a frustrated Vietnam,
03:04could we stop comparing intractable conflicts to me?
03:09I mean, I've moved on.
03:11Hello, thriving sex trade.
03:15But Virginia Republican George Allen vehemently refuted Hagel.
03:20It's a big difference from Vietnam.
03:23Vietnamese, our opposition there had,
03:25it was communist, but nevertheless, there was a philosophy.
03:28There was an organization.
03:30There was a government.
03:31So to speak.
03:32It was North, North Vietnam.
03:33Here, the terrorists don't have any government.
03:36They are just there to wreak havoc,
03:38havoc to intimidate.
03:39See, it's not Vietnam.
03:41Vietnam, we had, you know,
03:43someone to attack or negotiate with.
03:46This is, uh,
03:49worse.
03:51But if Iraq isn't like Vietnam,
03:53what country can it be compared to, Mr. Allen?
03:55Of the Iraqi military,
03:57the army and security forces we're training up
03:59are actually many of them still loyal to their party,
04:02still loyal to their militias,
04:03and it's not a national army.
04:05Well, that's true.
04:06And, and you have that even in our United States.
04:08We have local police,
04:10we have state police.
04:15See, Iraqi militias,
04:17like the local police.
04:20Maktada al-Sadr,
04:21he's, uh, their boss hog.
04:24So, just, uh, nice gentleman.
04:27Meanwhile,
04:27while he's in the back.
04:32All I got in the back,
04:34they got all thought of,
04:34hmm.
04:36I see this Dukes of Hazzard movie.
04:38I did not like it.
04:39Meanwhile,
04:40while his Iraq policy
04:41is coming under fire
04:42from his own party,
04:43President Bush was
04:44in a field of poppies.
04:47Going on a two-hour bike ride
04:49with seven-time Tour de France champion
04:50Lance Armstrong.
04:52Now,
04:53the president is riding his bike a lot.
04:56He's jogging five miles a day.
04:57He's lifting weights.
04:58Um,
05:00is he preparing for something
05:02we don't know about?
05:04Some kind of,
05:05I don't know,
05:06every man for himself scenario
05:09coming down to the bike.
05:10I must be stronger,
05:11for soon,
05:12I will have to fend for myself.
05:17But we turn now to drugs.
05:18Don't get excited.
05:19The drug we're turning to
05:20is an arthritis pain drug
05:21with an interesting new side effect.
05:24It can cost a company
05:25$253 million to use it.
05:27That's how much
05:28a Texas jury ordered Merck
05:29to pay the widow of a man
05:31who died of a heart attack
05:32after less than a year
05:33of taking Vioxx.
05:34It was the first
05:35of over 4,000 pending lawsuits
05:37claiming Merck
05:38withheld information
05:39about the cardiovascular dangers
05:42of Vioxx.
05:43By the way,
05:44obviously,
05:44this is not the recommended dosage
05:46we're showing you.
05:48That footage is from
05:49the Cold Stone druggery.
05:51They tend to,
05:52they go a little heavy
05:53on the mixings.
05:54But the plaintiff's lead attorney
05:57explained the significance
05:58of his victory.
06:00It sends the message
06:02regardless
06:02that drug companies
06:04must tell us
06:04the good,
06:05the bad,
06:05and the ugly
06:06about their drugs.
06:06They cannot hide
06:07behind an almighty dollar
06:09and a profit sign
06:10in an effort
06:11to get their money
06:12in the bank
06:13and not tell us
06:14the truth
06:14about their drugs.
06:15That won't be allowed
06:16in this country.
06:16It's not right.
06:19That's Mark Lanier,
06:21the inspiration
06:21for the upcoming
06:22John Grisham novel,
06:23The Blowhard.
06:25Said Grisham,
06:27quote,
06:27I haven't started it yet.
06:28It'll be done in a week.
06:31For more,
06:32we go out
06:32to our senior drug dealer,
06:34Rob Corddry,
06:35live outside the courthouse
06:37in Andalton, Texas.
06:41That's correct, John.
06:43That's right.
06:44I deal
06:45in the subject of drugs,
06:47pushing education on people.
06:49Also,
06:51I'm totally holding.
06:54Rob,
06:54it's a stunning
06:55$253 million verdict.
06:57In your mind,
06:58what impact
06:59is this going to have
07:00on American business?
07:01John,
07:01it's a milestone
07:02in corporate history.
07:03This victory
07:04for the plaintiffs
07:04ensures companies
07:05will never again
07:06act with such disregard
07:07for their customers.
07:10Warning,
07:10actual verdict
07:10may be overturned
07:11or substantially reduced
07:12on appeal.
07:12Texas law tax
07:13will be $261.1 million.
07:14Corporations
07:15live strong and sensitive
07:15to manipulate the consumer.
07:16Give them diarrhea.
07:19Rob,
07:20I'm sorry,
07:20what was the...
07:22I didn't...
07:23What was all that
07:24mumbled stuff?
07:26Oh, it's nothing, John.
07:27You know,
07:27just legalese.
07:29You wouldn't get it.
07:31Did the verdict, Rob,
07:32come as a surprise
07:32to the people at Merck?
07:33Oh, absolutely, John.
07:34After all,
07:35like all prescription medications,
07:36Vioxx comes with clear warnings
07:38provided to every patient.
07:40Matter of fact,
07:41this pamphlet
07:42right here
07:43explains in
07:45simple terms.
07:48Hold on a second.
07:50Yeah,
07:51this explains
07:52what the drugs do.
07:53As you can plainly see,
07:54it spells out
07:55the ingredients,
07:56the side effects,
07:57the precautions,
07:57all in a clear
07:58three-point type,
07:59easy for the drugs
08:00target market
08:01of arthritic
08:02senior citizens
08:03to read.
08:05I mean,
08:06John,
08:07what part of
08:081-4th
08:08fluorophenol
08:093R3,
08:104-hydroxypropyl
08:11don't you understand?
08:14Rob,
08:14I don't understand
08:15any of that
08:15and it's too small.
08:18Really?
08:19Too small?
08:19Really?
08:20That's interesting,
08:21John,
08:21because,
08:21to tell you the truth,
08:23I had no problem
08:23reading it at all.
08:25Yeah,
08:26I can read that
08:27just fine.
08:28And perhaps,
08:29John,
08:29you should get
08:30your eyes checked
08:31because good
08:32ocular health,
08:34that's nothing
08:35to joke about.
08:39But,
08:40what do you,
08:42I understand.
08:45John,
08:47if you're having
08:47trouble seeing,
08:48you should try
08:48Fosamax
08:49or Crixivan,
08:50some of Merck's
08:51other successful
08:52pharmaceutical products.
08:54What do those drugs do,
08:56Rob?
08:56Ask your doctor.
09:00Seriously,
09:00what do they do?
09:01Seriously,
09:02John,
09:02ask your doctor,
09:03I don't know.
09:05See,
09:05if a pharmaceutical company
09:06advertises a prescription drug
09:08but doesn't say
09:09what it does,
09:10the FDA doesn't make them
09:11list the side effects.
09:12That's why the TV spots
09:14for the drugs
09:14I just mentioned
09:15don't give the foggiest
09:16indication of what
09:17those pills do
09:18other than that
09:19they seem to help
09:20old people ride
09:21tandem bicycles.
09:23But,
09:24John,
09:25I've been taking
09:26Crixivan,
09:27Escobar,
09:27and Faggages
09:28for years
09:28and I feel great.
09:30Look at me.
09:34John,
09:37you might want to
09:38think about taking
09:38those too,
09:39especially if you're
09:40menopausal.
09:42I'm not,
09:43I'm not menopausal.
09:44Well,
09:44that's really something
09:45you should ask
09:45your doctor about.
09:47Thank you,
09:48Rob.
09:48Rob Corddry,
09:49everybody.
09:51I would try to
09:52prevent disease,
09:53not just treat it.
09:55I would go out
09:55for the really tough
09:56diseases.
09:57At Merck,
09:57we believe in the
09:58same things you do.
09:59I would try to see
10:00everything through
10:00the eyes of a patient.
10:02Merck,
10:03where patients
10:04come first.
10:13Welcome back
10:14to the show.
10:15Frequent flyers,
10:16tired of relying
10:17on airport paperbacks
10:18to kill time
10:19on a long flight?
10:20Well,
10:20good news.
10:21If the TSA has
10:22its way,
10:22you'll soon be able
10:23to spend your trip
10:24whittling,
10:25ice sculpting,
10:26or performing
10:27minor surgery.
10:28That's because
10:29the Transportation
10:29Security Administration
10:31is considering
10:31major changes
10:32in how it screens
10:33airline passengers,
10:34including a proposal
10:35to lift the ban
10:36on carry-on items
10:36such as scissors,
10:38razor blades,
10:38and knives
10:39less than five inches long.
10:41The list even goes on
10:42to include bows and arrows,
10:44ice picks,
10:45and throwing stars.
10:51It's all part of the TSA's
10:53push to make
10:53in-flight screenings
10:54of Made in Manhattan
10:55enjoyable for everyone.
10:58Another proposal
10:59under consideration,
11:01requiring passengers
11:02to remove their shoes
11:03only if they set off
11:05the metal detectors.
11:06Because the only
11:07shoe-based incident
11:08of would-be terrorism
11:08on record involved
11:09plastic explosives.
11:12So you know
11:13they're not going
11:14to try that again.
11:17Most of the TSA's
11:19recommendations
11:19would loosen
11:20boarding restrictions,
11:21but passengers
11:21can rest easy,
11:22knowing the agency
11:23is taking steps
11:24to keep certain
11:25undesirables
11:26from boarding the plane,
11:27specifically,
11:28babies.
11:28over the past year,
11:31several infants
11:31have been forbidden
11:32from boarding planes
11:33because they shared
11:34their name
11:35with someone
11:36on a government
11:36no-fly list.
11:39Officials say
11:40the confusion
11:41may stem
11:42from Madison
11:44being the most popular
11:45girl's name last year,
11:47and number one
11:48for boys being
11:49Tariq Albin Mohammed.
11:52The mother
11:53of one suspected
11:55terrorist infant
11:56appeared on
11:57the situation room
11:58with Wolf Blitzer
11:59to try to tell
12:00her story.
12:02What did they say
12:03to you?
12:03Did they say
12:04you couldn't fly?
12:06Well, no,
12:07they didn't say
12:07that.
12:09The, um...
12:10Sorry, Wolf.
12:11It's all right.
12:12The, um...
12:12The, um...
12:13Airline...
12:14The airline...
12:15It hurts me!
12:16It hurts me!
12:18Being in the
12:19situation room
12:21hurts me!
12:23It's...
12:23It's too much
12:24information
12:25that seems like
12:26non-sequiturs!
12:29Actually, the girl,
12:31luckily,
12:31was eventually
12:32taken to
12:32the situation playroom.
12:53Welcome back
12:53to the program.
12:54My guest tonight,
12:55the host of
12:56Fox News Sunday.
12:57Please welcome
12:57back to the program,
12:58Chris Wallace.
12:59Chris!
13:01There you are.
13:03Come on!
13:05Nice to see you,
13:05my friend.
13:06Thank you, sir.
13:10Now, listen,
13:11before you start
13:12with me...
13:13Damn you, Wallace!
13:14I want to ask you
13:14a question.
13:15Yes.
13:15So you're sitting
13:16in the Stuart household
13:18this morning...
13:19...with your wife,
13:20with your little boy.
13:22You open the paper...
13:23Yeah.
13:23...and you see
13:24that Steve Carell...
13:25Carell.
13:26He used to be
13:27on your show.
13:27That is correct.
13:28He used to be
13:28kind of an underling
13:29on your show.
13:30Bit of a sidekick,
13:31you might say.
13:31Well, I wouldn't even
13:32say he was a sidekick.
13:33I would say he was
13:33a minion.
13:34A minion.
13:35That he...
13:36A serf.
13:37You open up
13:38the newspaper
13:38to the entertainment section...
13:39I open it right up.
13:40...and you see
13:41that his movie,
13:42Yes.
13:4240-Year-Old Virgin...
13:43Right.
13:44...has opened up
13:44as the number one
13:46movie in America.
13:4820.6 million dollars.
13:49And my heart grows
13:51three sizes,
13:51and I'll tell you why.
13:54I know...
13:58...how untalented
13:59he is.
14:01Now, he's a very nice man
14:03and well-earned.
14:04Now, have you
14:05ever been the star
14:06of a movie
14:07that has opened
14:07number one in the country
14:08at 20.6 million dollars?
14:10When you say star...
14:13...
14:14What is it when you get,
14:15let's say,
14:15a part of a trailer
14:17and access to craft services?
14:19Would you say
14:19that's a starring role?
14:21I have been the serf
14:23or minion in a movie
14:24that has opened number one.
14:25I understand
14:26you were in an Adam Sandler movie,
14:27right.
14:27Big dad.
14:28But did you open
14:28the movie yourself?
14:29No.
14:31I've never opened the movie.
14:32And here's why.
14:33And here's why.
14:33And I don't mind telling you this.
14:34I am a bad actor.
14:38Apparently,
14:38that is a prerequisite
14:39for success.
14:39Is there a pang
14:40of envy?
14:42The green-eyed monster
14:43jealousy,
14:44as you saw
14:44that Steve Carell has...
14:45No.
14:46The entertainment business
14:46is not like the news business.
14:48We're...
14:49We're not...
14:50We're not worried
14:51about what the other bad do.
14:54That's a terrible...
14:55Let me ask you this.
14:56When you see
14:57the Situation Room,
14:59do you think to yourself,
15:01I've got to get me
15:02one of them Situation Rooms.
15:03Have you seen
15:04the Situation Room?
15:06As I'm going
15:07from 41 to 43,
15:08I stop at 42 for a second
15:10and see.
15:10I've got to tell you,
15:11it's great.
15:11Wolf, he goes,
15:12we're getting feeds in now live
15:14from German TV,
15:15from Al Arabiya.
15:17But they don't have a translator.
15:18It's just...
15:19It's literally...
15:20They're just getting
15:20German TV.
15:21Playroom.
15:22I think that's a great idea.
15:23The Situation Playroom?
15:24Yeah.
15:24You know what the Situation Room is?
15:26I've got a satellite dish.
15:27That's all it is.
15:29Let me ask you a question.
15:31Iraq comes up
15:32with the Constitution.
15:33They've written it.
15:34They're going to pass it now.
15:36Is that it?
15:36We done?
15:37We can go home?
15:38What's the story?
15:39No.
15:39We can't go home.
15:40And I loved it
15:41when they were saying,
15:41look,
15:42we've got the Constitution.
15:43We've got a couple of problems.
15:44Federalism.
15:44We don't know
15:45if they're going to be states
15:45or whether there's going to be
15:46the role of women.
15:48Islam.
15:49Other than that,
15:50it's done.
15:51I love that.
15:52That's exactly right.
15:53They've picked the right font.
15:55They know what font
15:55they're going to go with.
15:56Exactly.
15:57And as you say,
15:58Christmas.
15:59They're going to go with Christmas.
16:00They found it to be
16:01Hanukkah,
16:02not so much.
16:04Hard sell in Baghdad.
16:05Very hard sell.
16:06The oil lasted how many days?
16:08All right.
16:09It's terrible.
16:11Settle down.
16:13Here's what I want to understand.
16:15The debate seems to be about,
16:17you know,
16:18the president says,
16:19stay the course.
16:19Other people say,
16:20well,
16:21we need to pull everybody out.
16:22Other people say the thing.
16:23I'm worried about the competence.
16:25Shouldn't we be having a conversation
16:27about the competence
16:28of the administration?
16:29Because at every stage,
16:31they seem to have been,
16:33what's the word I'm looking for?
16:34Wrong.
16:36Is that,
16:37do you get what I mean?
16:40How can we trust them
16:41to be the ones
16:42to pull this off?
16:44We're trusting the Iraqis.
16:45That's what we always say.
16:46When things go bad,
16:47we say it's up to the Iraqis.
16:48They're going to handle
16:49the security situation.
16:50They're going to handle
16:50the political situation.
16:52So at a certain point,
16:53we're going to say,
16:53you know what, guys?
16:54Time's up.
16:55We're out of here.
16:56Really?
16:56Do you actually think
16:57at some point,
16:58because now they say
16:59the military's making plans
17:00to be there for four to,
17:01let's say,
17:0240 more years.
17:04No, no, no.
17:04But you don't understand.
17:05That's all Pentagon.
17:06It's called worst case.
17:09Really?
17:09Yes.
17:10That's what they call it.
17:10Worst case.
17:11Now,
17:11why didn't they do that
17:12before the war?
17:14They didn't seem to,
17:16none of that.
17:17Because you know what?
17:18Since we invaded,
17:19the case got a lot worse.
17:20It got a lot worse.
17:21Do you,
17:22you know these guys.
17:23Are they,
17:24do they know what they're doing?
17:25Because they always say,
17:26do you have enough troops
17:27on the ground?
17:28And the president will say,
17:30I'll listen to my commanders.
17:31And,
17:31but it always seems like
17:32the commanders are saying,
17:33we need more troops.
17:34You know,
17:35so what is,
17:36is this ideological?
17:38Is this policy
17:39being driven by politics?
17:40Is this truly a case of
17:42who he didn't know?
17:44You know,
17:44what's going on?
17:45It's very interesting
17:46because we've had
17:47John McCain on Fox News Sunday.
17:49We need more troops.
17:50We have Lindsey Graham on yesterday.
17:51We need more troops.
17:53We have Donald Rumsfeld on.
17:54We don't need more troops.
17:56Guess what?
17:56He makes the decisions.
17:57I don't know.
17:58See,
17:59you know what?
17:59I've got to say,
18:00it looks right now
18:00like we need more troops.
18:01It does seem a little bit like,
18:03if I may,
18:04casually,
18:04since you mentioned
18:04the Stewart household,
18:05use a phrase
18:06that we toss around,
18:07get off the pot.
18:09It seems like you either,
18:11this,
18:11right now he's got
18:12this whole idea like,
18:12I bet you used part
18:13of that phrase
18:13when you saw the
18:14Steve Corrala
18:15that he got in.
18:16Settle, settle, settle.
18:17I know where you're going there.
18:19But it seems like
18:20the president's plan is
18:21if we just,
18:22if we shut our eyes
18:24and hold on long enough,
18:25a Democrat will be in office
18:26and he doesn't have
18:27to worry about it anymore.
18:28You know,
18:28at a certain point,
18:30stay the course.
18:31What does that mean?
18:32Well, no,
18:33I actually do think
18:34that the president,
18:35we can't get out.
18:36Right.
18:36We can't get,
18:37no, seriously,
18:37don't you think
18:38it would send
18:38a terrible signal
18:39to the world
18:40if we just up and left?
18:43I don't know that,
18:44I don't know what we've sent
18:44to the world so far
18:45as such a great signal.
18:46I mean,
18:47you know,
18:49I don't know.
18:51We'll move on
18:51to something else.
18:54The woman in Texas,
18:56Cindy Sheehan.
18:56Yes.
18:57Has she gotten
18:58too much coverage,
18:59too little coverage,
19:00not enough,
19:00too sympathetic a coverage?
19:01Are they now
19:02being too hard on her?
19:03What's your feeling
19:04about,
19:04is it newsworthy?
19:05Is she a symbol?
19:07People are trying
19:07to portray her
19:08as the leader
19:09of a movement.
19:10No,
19:11I think that it was fine
19:12to cover in the beginning.
19:13I think that the news business
19:15abhors a vacuum.
19:16The fact is,
19:17I mean,
19:17I was a White House
19:18correspondent,
19:19so I know this.
19:20You're sitting in a place,
19:21you're miles away from,
19:22Chris Wallace
19:23with the president.
19:24No,
19:25you're nowhere near the president.
19:26You're an hour and a half
19:27away from the president.
19:28You have nothing to do.
19:29And there's Cindy Sheehan
19:30and she's a story
19:31and she'll talk to you.
19:32So everybody covered it.
19:33And then they covered it again.
19:35And the reason that I think
19:37she had such resonance
19:39is because she came on the scene
19:40just at a moment
19:41when the news was really bad,
19:43seriously,
19:43out of Iraq,
19:45politically and militarily.
19:46and so I think she tapped into
19:49a concern that people have
19:50about how things are going.
19:52Were you surprised
19:53when people then turned around
19:55and tried to pick apart
19:56her arguments
19:57as though she were
19:58literally a policymaker?
19:59You know,
19:59they're saying like,
20:00well,
20:00her plan for Israel
20:01is completely wrong.
20:02You know,
20:03there's a lady in Texas.
20:06Yeah,
20:06the confirmation hearings
20:07for her are going to be
20:08very difficult.
20:08it's going to be vicious.
20:10All I know is I heard
20:11Joan Baez is down there now,
20:12so seriously,
20:13if they really work hard,
20:14they can end Vietnam.
20:15I really think they can.
20:17Well,
20:18it's a pleasure to see you.
20:18What do you got coming up?
20:19Anything interesting?
20:20Any good in-depth reporting
20:22you got coming on the Fox News?
20:24Steve Carell is going to be
20:25on the show on Sunday.
20:26I'm serious.
20:26It's going to be a big deal.
20:28You should bring him on.
20:28He's a very funny guest as well.
20:30Do you realize
20:31that could be your claim
20:31to fame in your career
20:32is that you discovered
20:33Steve Carell?
20:39Do you realize
20:40you're surrounded
20:40by my audience?
20:44Fox News Sundays.
20:46I'm sorry for on Sunday.
20:47Check your local listeners.
20:48Chris Wallace.
20:59That's our show.
21:00Join us tomorrow night at 11.
21:02Here it is.
21:02Your moment is in.
21:03Mom!
21:04Mom!
21:05Mom!
21:08Mom!
21:09Me!
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