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00:00January 3rd, 2011.
00:04From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York,
00:08this is The Daily Show with John Stewart.
00:23Welcome!
00:26Welcome back, everybody, to The Daily Show.
00:28So, version 2011, my name is John Stewart.
00:31Our first guest of the 2011, the great Paul Giamatti will be joining us.
00:41I don't know how he spells Paul, but I know my audience is interested.
00:51Everybody that asked me a question in the warm-up spelled their name for me.
00:57Yeah, Joey, with a Y.
01:02The Y is, why are you telling me that?
01:05Hey, you know, every year, one of our 50 states emerges as a leading exporter of absolute bat-s*** insanity.
01:12Florida dominated the field in the early aughts.
01:16Yes, you're welcome.
01:18Arizona, New Jersey, always strong contenders.
01:21Last year, South Carolina, let's face it, ran away with it.
01:26I mean, not because of their governor, not because of their crackpot state legislature,
01:31not because of their one gentleman who had sexual relations with a horse,
01:37but because that gentleman then went back months later for sex with the same horse.
01:45Of course, obviously, the South Carolina spin to that would be,
01:48hey, come to South Carolina, see the world's most attractive horse.
01:55But it's 2011, it's a reboot, field's wide open this year.
02:00Arkansas wildlife officials are pretty stumped after thousands of birds drop dead from the Arkansas sky.
02:12I hope no one f***ed them out of the sky.
02:24So, natural phenomenon, or perhaps murder?
02:33It seems birds of a feather
02:38die together.
02:46Yes.
02:49Masses of Arkansas birds suddenly dropping from the sky.
02:52That's a pretty good opening play for the Crazy State Sweepstakes.
02:54Would anyone like to counter?
02:56125 miles away, a 20-mile stretch of the Arkansas River
03:00was blanketed with some 100,000 dead drumfish.
03:08All right.
03:09Now you're moving from Crazy Estate Story
03:12into Sign of the Apocalypse Territory.
03:15I'll tell you, if anyone wants to beat Arkansas this year,
03:18it's going to be tough.
03:18South Carolina, I have one word to say to you.
03:20Yay!
03:24Now, obviously, we've been away for two weeks,
03:26having timed our break very carefully to the holiday news lull,
03:28when nothing happens.
03:30We wouldn't just blow out of town right when important s*** was going down.
03:34We're not the governor of New Jersey.
03:36So, where did...
03:38Oh, yeah.
03:39Oh, yeah.
03:40I'm wrong.
03:41So, where did we leave off?
03:42Yes.
03:43I believe when we left last year,
03:45we were ridiculing the Democrats.
03:46And we were not alone.
03:48The Obama agenda is dead.
03:5165 seats turnover in the House
03:54has put a nail in the president's coffin.
03:56Obama is in trouble.
03:58There's no hope for Obama.
03:59Incapable of accomplishing anything of any significant success.
04:03The president's agenda is dead.
04:04Ah, no-bama.
04:10The audacity of dopes.
04:15Dreams from my ass.
04:22You're not even going to mock that one up?
04:24You're not even going to...
04:26Of course, then I went away to my winter home
04:28on three weeks behind island,
04:29off the coast of Puerto Rico.
04:33And I have yet to check up on the outcome
04:35of that lame-duck session.
04:36Until this very moment,
04:37I thought I'd do it on air
04:38to make it more of a spectacle with you people.
04:40Huge legislative victories in the last month.
04:42So, let's go over this.
04:43A tax deal to protect the unemployed.
04:45The 9-11 first responders' health care bill.
04:48The repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
04:49The law overhauling the nation's food safety laws.
04:52Along with that nuclear weapons treaty with Russia.
04:55So, did quite well during this process.
04:57Holy crap balls, Democrats.
04:58You need to lose midterm elections more often.
05:01It suits you.
05:04If only you'd completely lose the Senate,
05:06we could solve our immigration problems.
05:09So, the definitive pronouncements
05:10of an administration's demise
05:11followed nearly instantaneously
05:13by a multitude of political victories.
05:14As scandals must be suffixed with gate,
05:17this can mean only one thing.
05:19To the coin phrase-o-meter!
05:21President Obama is being called the comeback kid.
05:23The comeback kid.
05:25Some are calling President Obama the comeback kid.
05:27President Obama, is he now the comeback kid?
05:29He's the comeback kid.
05:33You were the only ones who said he was dead.
05:35You know, the media's like the world's worst paramedics.
05:37They declare people dead when they're napping.
05:39So, of course, waking up must be a miracle.
05:44Obama's not the comeback kid.
05:47That's just a trite way of looking at it.
05:50He's Luke Skywalker.
05:52Come with me to the preface-mobile.
05:55It all started a long time ago
05:56when a skinny kid with a funny name
05:58came out of nowhere
06:00and against all odds.
06:02Barack Obama cannot close the deal
06:04in these big contests.
06:06It's not impossible.
06:07I used to bullseye whop rats in my T-16 back home.
06:11He defied outrageous odds
06:13to become the new hope
06:16winning the election.
06:19He won the election
06:19and the hearts of the people.
06:30Biden, is there any moment you can't ruin?
06:35So, the president takes power,
06:36enjoys the trappings of office,
06:38invites his favorite musicians over
06:40to entertain him.
06:42Stevie Wonder has no idea
06:44how weird his band looks.
06:47Meanwhile, the Republic,
06:49Kin Empire, goes stronger.
06:52All right, so now we're going to the second movie,
06:54which is really movie five.
06:57The president finds his efforts
06:59to close Guantanamo Bay stifled.
07:01The unemployment rate settles at 10%.
07:02Afghanistan is stagnated.
07:05Efforts to shut down an oil spill
07:06are absolutely bungled.
07:08All while a fierce potential rival
07:10stalks him from Alaska.
07:14By the way, that's, uh...
07:16That's from the reality show.
07:21I believe that's from the reality show
07:23Sarah Palin's Hoff.
07:26She claims she can see Tatooine
07:28from her house.
07:30Nerd slam!
07:32Boom!
07:34Nerd slam!
07:36You like that?
07:39I'm slowly losing audience share.
07:44It all culminates in a crushing midterm election defeat.
07:47And even making out with his own sister
07:49can't ease the pain.
07:53All right, it's not a perfect analogy.
07:55So!
07:57We're in to complete our trilogy
07:59with Republicans threatening to filibuster all legislation
08:03unless all Bush-Ara tax cuts are extended.
08:06Barack Obama heads off to work out a compromise.
08:08It's a trap!
08:10Go!
08:11Calm down, Chris Matthews.
08:13He's just trying to be bipartisan.
08:14And against all odds,
08:18the Democrats managed to defeat
08:19an incredibly well-armed and well-oiled machine
08:22using stones,
08:24vines,
08:25and a well-placed log.
08:27And they gain significant legislative victories.
08:38Clearly, I believe that was them celebrating
08:40after Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed.
08:45And so...
08:46And so our heroes ride off into the sunset.
08:51Nothing else in the way.
08:54While the Obama's vacation in Hawaii,
08:56the state's new governor is diving into the controversy
08:59over where the president was born.
09:02Prequel!
09:04Damn it!
09:06Misa's seen his Gungan birth certificate!
09:10No!
09:11No!
09:18Welcome back to the show!
09:20Now,
09:22if you're like me,
09:24and I'm sure that you are,
09:25every year you make a New Year's resolution
09:27to make your children lose weight.
09:33And if you live in San Francisco,
09:35sticking to that resolution
09:36is about to get a whole lot easier.
09:38Asif Manvi has more.
09:40Childhood obesity.
09:42It's a devastating problem affecting the most vulnerable among us.
09:46Headless children.
09:48Fortunately, the city of San Francisco has found a way to solve this vexing obesity crisis.
09:55San Francisco is basically banning Happy Meals.
09:58They voted to ban toys from Happy Meals that don't meet new nutritional standards.
10:01That's right.
10:02Under San Francisco's new law, all fast food meals will have to be less than 600 calories
10:07and contain fruits and vegetables to be sold with a toy.
10:11Councilman Eric Marr pushed through this law despite research which clearly shows that the toy
10:17is the healthiest thing in the meal.
10:21McDonald's or Burger King used toys to lure kids but the toys are attached to meals that are largely
10:26too sugary, fatty, and high salt content that is very bad for them.
10:31Yeah, we know that.
10:33So what you're basically telling us is, guess what, McDonald's food is s**t.
10:39Yes.
10:40Duh.
10:41If there was no toy, the kids wouldn't eat the meal.
10:44No, of course they wouldn't. As our hidden camera shot from the perspective of a six-year-old shows,
10:50there's nothing appealing in McDonald's except the milkshake and the fries and the sundaes and the
10:56McNuggets. Did you get it?
11:01So you've literally created a nanny state. To get your toy, you're going to have to eat your fruit and
11:06vegetables.
11:06No, we're saying that we want healthier options in fast food companies in San Francisco if they want
11:11to attach a toy to it. Right, but you, that's what I just said.
11:20You just said the same thing I just said.
11:23Of course, in San Francisco, you're always going to get your counterculture radicals complaining
11:29about corporate hegemony like Mayor Gavin Newsom. It's a bad idea.
11:34We're getting into private business decisions. It is not the role for government to decide what's
11:40in the best interest of kids. It's the role of parents to decide.
11:46You are really good looking.
11:50What the mayor seems to have lost sight of is it's really all about the children.
11:54I think it is the worst thing that they have ever done. And if they don't start giving out the
12:00toys,
12:01goodbye. You guys just don't get it. These toys are making you fat.
12:07No, no.
12:07Kiyoshi, how much do you weigh?
12:0952 pounds.
12:1152 pounds. You could be 50.
12:13With so much at risk, the city of San Francisco had to step in,
12:18or it would be impossible for children to know what's bad for them.
12:21My 10-year-old has had a number of happy meals growing up, but she's wise enough to know
12:27that the food that she's eaten when she was younger is very unhealthy for her.
12:33How does she figure that out?
12:35I think she watches Supersize Me with me.
12:38So she learned from her parents?
12:41That's a large part of it.
12:45Would it be hard to pass a law to force Netflix to send Supersize Me to every parent in San
12:52Francisco?
12:53You can't force Netflix, a private company, to do something like that.
13:00Are you serious right now?
13:01We have no power to force Netflix or a private company like that to change a business practice.
13:09So on one hand, you're like, we can't do that. But on the other hand, you are doing that.
13:17We don't have that kind of power.
13:18Well, you just said you did.
13:19Well, we are looking at food from a food environment issues from an equitability.
13:31The law takes effect later this year. With no more happy meals in San Francisco,
13:36we can only hope kids will love the brand new crappy meal. It has the periodic table of elements,
13:44CPR instructions, and even an action figure. It's Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen
13:51Sebelius. Look, he even talks. Right now, we have more children who are overweight and obese
14:00than we've ever had before in this nation. In all this, there's one thing that's hurting
14:06children the most. I'm gonna take this off your face now. It won't hurt, okay? Really fast. Here we go.
14:12One, two, three.
14:17Asif Manvi, we'll be right back.
14:26Welcome back to my guest tonight, Aktor.
14:30His new film, for which he has received a Golden Globe nomination, is called Barney's version.
14:34What are you doing here? Run away with me.
14:37What? Run away with me.
14:40Or stay with me. I don't care. Or I can go with you.
14:44Are you out of your mind?
14:45No, I'm bent over backwards in love with you. Miriam, I'm on the heels over head.
14:53Don't be ridiculous. We just met at your wedding. It's not funny. Barney, get off the train.
15:02I cannot believe that this really happens. It really happens just like that.
15:08Please welcome back to the program, Paul Giamatti!
15:18My man! My man!
15:22Bam! Bam!
15:26Thank you for opening up the Daily Show guest season.
15:30God bless you, sir. Thank you. One of our favorites. I should explain very quickly,
15:34that is, you are meeting that woman. That's right. At your wedding. That's right. I run away from my
15:40wedding to catch up with that delicious broad on the train. Now that, and by the way, this is your...
15:45That's not my actual hair, believe it or not. What? In this motion picture. It's starring a wig,
15:50basically, this movie. It's a, but that is, can I tell you something? That is luscious, that wig.
15:55That is not. Very much. It's lustrous, indeed. But this was, uh, the second wife. The second
16:01marriage. A guy gets, the guy gets married three times. Right. But this was, the woman you're just
16:05meeting is going to be number three. Is the future third wife I meet at the second marriage.
16:10How do you make these, how do you make these people likable? How do I make this guy alive? He's
16:15a
16:15lovable rogue. He's a ref scaliant. He's a ref scaliant.
16:23Were you listening to woman? No, I wasn't. What did I do? Do you have no idea what you just
16:28did? No,
16:28I don't. What did I just do? Let me explain this very quickly. Holy s**t, what did I do? All
16:32right.
16:33That's all I need to do is come in the show and say ref scaliant. That's right. Watch this. This
16:40is amazing. You want to do something freaky? That's it. How many letters are in that word?
16:46Eleven. Really? Uncanny. So the first thing I do, I come out and I do like a little question and
16:50answer. Sure. Because they've stood outside for eight hours and I think, why not talk to them for
16:5320 seconds? Okay. So the first question from Amy, which by the way is spelled with an I. Right.
17:00Uh, is what's an 11 letter word for oniony rogue? Genius. So I think scallion,
17:10Steve Bodo chimes in with rap scallion. Right. We solve it. You come out. Boom.
17:18Holy s**t. Paul Giamatti. If I were Groucho Marx, and I am not, uh, I'm not even Zeppo.
17:29A duck would have come down and you would have earned yourself on the head. Exactly. You would
17:35have earned, uh, $100 and some type of gift certificate to grazed papaya. I can't get that
17:40anyway. You know what? You can't get that. You're the first guest of the thing. This, this lovable
17:46road, not only this, and I don't, I'm, we're not giving away problems because it's a tremendously, uh,
17:51funny and, and really at times moving. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Uh,
17:56you also, uh, kill your friend. I may or may not kill my friend in the movie. Yes. I can't
18:01say
18:02whether or not because I want people to go to the movie. Yeah. I think, I think, I think you
18:05should
18:05say, uh, you're not sure. It's not clear. It's not clear whether or not he, he marries. It's solved in
18:11the course of the film. That's right. See the film. That you should see the film. I just gave away
18:15the film.
18:16Didn't I? Did I just give away the film? I didn't give away the film. No, not at all. No.
18:19There's a
18:20possible murder. Thank you. Thank you. That's all I'm saying. Where did you film this? This was
18:25filmed, oh, I'm sorry. Did you say luscious again? They were luscious. Luscious, scenic, uh,
18:30we filmed it in Montreal, Canada. Beautiful. Very beautiful. Very beautiful. And Rome, Italy.
18:36And yes. So in Montreal, both beautiful cities. Had you been, uh, I'd not been either one of them.
18:41Montreal, no. And I was amazingly ignorant. I thought I'm going to get there and it'll be really neat. I'll
18:45hear some people speak French, maybe. And I thought it was going to be like, you know,
18:50a little theme park with some people dressed like lumberjacks or something. Total idiot.
18:55Everybody speaks French. Couldn't understand a word anybody was saying. So it was astounding to me
19:01and a weird kind of French too. So that was nice for me. Then I went to Rome, Italy where
19:06they speak
19:06Italian. And, uh, that was very nice for me too. It was nice to get out of, get out of
19:11the States and
19:12go out there and hear people speak different languages. You are such a worldly man. I really
19:16am. So sophisticated. It very much is sophisticated. Uh, when you were in Montreal,
19:21what season were you there? Was it winter time or was it? Uh, hard to say. I think it was,
19:25it was the, uh, uh, went fall. Was it warmer fall? Winter fall. Winter fall. So it was cold.
19:30It's all, I think it's always cold up there. Do you just not leave the hotel? Is that?
19:35No.
19:35You don't leave the hotel? Yeah. No, I don't leave the hotel. It was fall-ish. It was falling,
19:42fall-ish. Falling, falling. And then it got cold. It was hot in Italy. I know that much. It was
19:50real
19:50hot in Italy. You are an old Jew. I am an old Jew. Which is why. It's all because I'm
19:55asking you,
19:56how was your trip to Montreal? It's hot, fall-ish. And then I was in Italy, it was hot. What'd
20:01you think of
20:02the food? It burnt my lip. A little heavy. A little heavy. Had a nice thing. Did you, did you
20:07have fun out there? Nobody does. Exactly. I couldn't understand a word. It was very annoying. That's
20:12exactly it. That's why I plan always do. It's always a pleasure to see you. Nice. Come back and win
20:15anytime because you come out and say, say another word. See if you get anything. Well, how about just
20:20rapscallion? Oh, oh, oh, oh. That was a beautiful thing. Could have been better. Barney's version opens in
20:26New York and LA on January 14th. Go see it. Paul Giamatti in and of himself is worth the price
20:31of
20:31admission. So good in this film. It opens nationwide on February 18th. The great Paul Giamatti. Thank you.
20:41That's our show. Join us tomorrow night at 11. New York's junior senator, Kirsten Gillibrand,
20:47will be in the studio. Here it is. Your moment is in. Thousands of passengers across the East Coast,
20:51of course, had to alter their plans. And we spoke to one kid who was trying to cope with the
20:56delay.
20:57I'm just sitting there on my iPod. It's just so frustrating. I want to be in Florida getting
21:04a tan on my back. You know those guys that walk in packs of nine? They're going out to get
21:09laid,
21:10dude. Like, who's going to all nine of you? What is the fantasy here? We're all going to walk into
21:15a
21:15giant vagina somewhere. Louis C.K. Hilarious. Premieres Sunday at 10.
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