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مسلسل Cougar Town مترجم - Episode 4
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00:07Look at all these cute little cracks on your heels.
00:10My feet have had some experience, okay, Josh?
00:13They've seen things.
00:14I didn't mean anything bad.
00:16I so don't care.
00:17Seriously.
00:19Oh, boy.
00:23Hello.
00:24Why are you out of breath?
00:26Because I'm sanding down my disgusting elephant heels.
00:29Ugh.
00:30With all these shavings here, I could make another foot.
00:32What are you doing?
00:33Foreplay.
00:34Oh, that's stuff.
00:36I gave Andy his two free sex cards for the month,
00:39and he's already cashing one in.
00:40Work the ass.
00:42Fine.
00:43Oh, my God.
00:44Turn on channel 30.
00:45There are women who didn't know they were pregnant
00:46having babies in toilets.
00:48Really?
00:49No.
00:50Wrap it up.
00:51Magic time.
00:52You know the deal.
00:54Normally, I decide if we have sex,
00:55but if Andy uses one of his cards,
00:57I can't say no unless it's my birthday.
00:58Or he's hit me.
01:00You can stay on the phone if you want.
01:02But I'm starting.
01:04Hey, you want to hold on for a few minutes?
01:06Call me back.
01:07Babies in toilets!
01:10Ooh.
01:12Yes.
01:13Come here, little guy.
01:16Hey, Jules!
01:17Why are you here?
01:19Oh, I came by to get my saw out of the closet.
01:21You know, it's really hot sleeping on the boat,
01:23and I need a window.
01:24Like pronto.
01:25I thought that when we got divorced,
01:26I would finally be able to enjoy my night snacks
01:29without you ruining it.
01:30How can I ruin it?
01:32You know one of those things
01:33is like eating three double cheeseburgers?
01:35And there it is.
01:40Are you happy?
01:41I'm just going to go and...
01:45Hey, Jaybird, I'm sorry.
01:47Get out!
01:51Hey, paper buddy.
01:52I just did back-to-back-to-back spinning classes.
01:56The first two were for this big, honking sticky bun
01:59I ate last night.
02:00The other one's for licking the frosting
02:01off my microwave tray this morning.
02:03Why not just get the sticky bun?
02:04Well, that's just crazy talk.
02:09Oh, look who got laid last night.
02:12That's right, chumps.
02:14Missionary accomplished.
02:15Boom.
02:16Ah, married sex.
02:18You know, we're lucky.
02:19We're both divorced and attractive enough
02:21not to have to deal with that.
02:22You think I'm attractive?
02:23I said we're both attractive.
02:24Yeah, but I'm part of both, right?
02:26All right, so I think you're attractive,
02:27just like you think I'm attractive.
02:29I don't think you're attractive.
02:30Hey, I'm sure there's lots of people
02:32who think you're attractive,
02:33just not me.
02:34Well, then I don't think you're attractive.
02:36No take-backs.
02:37Of course there's take-backs.
02:38There's always take-backs.
02:39Nope.
02:43So what's the big emergency?
02:44This is only like 10% of the crap
02:46that you still have in this house.
02:48Hey, it's my driver's license.
02:50Oh, I can't believe I was married
02:52to a man who keeps his license in a box.
02:54A box marked important.
02:55It's like you still live here.
02:57Is this one of those times
02:58when you're pissed at someone else
02:59and you're taking it out on me?
03:00Maybe.
03:01Look, I am mad about
03:03a very complicated take-back situation,
03:05but our marriage is over.
03:07I just want this stuff out of here.
03:09Consider it done.
03:12Hot damn, baby.
03:13You know what this is?
03:15Bobby and Jules doink.
03:16I guess it's our old sex tape.
03:18This goes in a keep pile, my dear.
03:20No.
03:21You would show it to all your friends.
03:23Uh-uh.
03:24Wow.
03:26Butt-naked 19-year-old you is stupid hot.
03:29Look at my boobs.
03:30Wow.
03:31I think they're so big
03:32because I was nine weeks pregnant
03:33with Travis when we made this,
03:34but I didn't know it yet,
03:35so that's why I was drinking beer.
03:38That's a good point.
03:39I could be pregnant right now.
03:40Pay attention to this part.
03:41This is where I'm dancing on the bed.
03:43Oh, a running man.
03:45Cute.
03:46And a stop.
03:47After that, it gets all intercourse-y.
03:49Oh, no one wants that.
03:50No.
03:51Nope. Pizza time.
03:55Wait, what?
03:57Please.
03:58You know you want me to.
04:01You know, in a weird way,
04:04this is actually kind of sweet.
04:07And...
04:08Oh!
04:10Oh, my God.
04:11I've eaten off that table.
04:12Stop hurting Jules.
04:14You turned it back on?
04:16Stop it.
04:17You can't.
04:18Well, then stop looking at it.
04:19I can't stop looking.
04:20But what are you doing?
04:22We were in love.
04:24Oh!
04:24Travis!
04:27What are you guys watching?
04:28News!
04:29Tootsie!
04:29TV's broken.
04:32Tootsie.
04:35Pizza's on the floor.
04:39Oh, honey, this is so sad.
04:42What?
04:43What?
04:43I'm just taking out the trash.
04:46And if my neighbor happens to find me attractive,
04:49then, well, I win.
04:51Win what?
04:52I don't know.
04:54Stop asking stupid questions.
04:57Sweetie, nobody wears boob tape before 10 a.m.
05:00Shh.
05:00Shh.
05:00Shh.
05:01Shh.
05:01Shh.
05:02Shh.
05:03Shh.
05:04Shh.
05:05Shh.
05:07Shh.
05:10Shh.
05:12I know you think I'm cute.
05:14You just don't want to say it.
05:15I've got an idea.
05:17Oh, great.
05:17It's probably not insane at all.
05:19Every night at 10 sharp, I'm going to look out my window.
05:23And if your porch light is on, I'm going to know that's a signal that you think I'm attractive.
05:28And you never have to say it to my face.
05:30You've got old noodles all in your hair.
05:33Oh, somebody's obsessed with my hair.
05:37See you in 10, buddy boy.
05:45How'd it go?
05:46He's a jerk.
05:46And my hair smells like pad thai.
05:48Are you watching my sex tape?
05:50Yeah, but with the volume down, so it's not weird.
05:53It's still weird.
05:55You know, I used to be that young and hot.
05:58Now, at night, I sit in front of that damn magnifying mirror and pick at things that don't
06:03need to be picked.
06:04And all I see staring back at me is a big pile of old.
06:07Honey, it is not you.
06:09It's that damn little mirror.
06:10Look, mine's right here.
06:12I spent the whole morning in the bathroom just staring at myself.
06:15And then I got hungry, so I came down here and poked at my face while I ate a bagel.
06:18You know, some mirrors are friends.
06:20That big one in my closet let me wear white pants today.
06:22Well, not this one.
06:24This one is evil.
06:26Oh, God.
06:26I have so many chin whiskers that look like carny folk.
06:30So many times I just want to throw this thing out.
06:35Don't.
06:36I have to.
06:36Give me some tweezers.
06:38Salad tongs, something.
06:40So where are we supposed to put all this stuff?
06:44All the essentials.
06:45Stay on board.
06:47Everything else will.
06:49No one goes behind that garage much, so.
06:51So as a grown man, you think it's a good idea to store most of your earthly possessions in the
06:56woods?
06:56Calm down.
06:57What's a squirrel going to do with a blender?
06:59Uh-huh.
07:00Oh!
07:01No way!
07:03Modeled Cheeto, man.
07:04This thing's like 15 years old.
07:06I saved it because it looks exactly like Bruce Willis.
07:08Must be worth like three times its original value now.
07:11Trav, I dare you to eat it.
07:14What?
07:14No.
07:15Come on, little buddy.
07:16My daddy used to dare me to eat things all the time.
07:18I mean, I ate four bottle caps once.
07:20Three have not passed.
07:22And I'm cool with that because doing things with my pops made me the man I am today.
07:26Well, that's a great sell, dad.
07:27But I'm still leaning toward no.
07:29Come on.
07:31One time.
07:32No.
07:32No.
07:33No.
07:36I'd like to be your wife, see?
07:39Lori.
07:39What?
07:41It's fun.
07:42You do it.
07:43Ooh, ooh, ooh.
07:44Come on.
07:44There's a hot jogger.
07:46Oh, fine.
07:48Hey, sweet cheeks.
07:50Come to Mama.
07:54Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
07:55I can't.
07:56Boy, come on.
07:59Well, hey, Lori.
08:01Mama.
08:02I didn't mean what I said.
08:04No, no, no.
08:04They really are very, very sweet cheeks.
08:08Hey, maybe this will help pass the time if I just, oh.
08:12Ooh.
08:13I feel cool on the skin.
08:15Oh, you know what?
08:15You're just an arrogant jerk who left his wife to have sex with teenagers.
08:19Guilty.
08:20But it is kooky how many women find me attractive.
08:24I mean, they range in age from 18 all the way up to like, well, how old are you?
08:29All right, that's it.
08:30I'm walking, Lori.
08:31See you at the office.
08:31Excuse me.
08:36So, which way are we going?
08:38You want me to walk ahead so you can look at my bun?
08:43Didn't think that one through, did you?
08:45Quiet time.
08:51What are you doing?
09:00I knew I'd regret telling you about Jules' sex tape.
09:03Sex tape?
09:03Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
09:04What is that?
09:04It's not happening, Indy.
09:05Come on!
09:07Grayson thinks he's God's gift to women.
09:10I bet he thinks all we do is sit around talking about him all day, wondering what he's thinking.
09:14Like we care what he thinks.
09:15I bet he thinks his ex is all sad and pining for him.
09:19Poor Vivian.
09:20Poor Vivian.
09:20She gave him her best years.
09:22Oh, honey, were you too close?
09:24So close!
09:25I went over and bought an ace bandage from her once.
09:28She let me keep it.
09:29She sounds amazing.
09:31You know, we should go check on her.
09:33You want to go see if I think you're cuter than Grayson's ex?
09:36Well, I mean, only if you do.
09:37Cute shoes, good shirt, bad skirt.
09:39Good skirt, good top, bad shoes.
09:41Are you having a seizure?
09:42Please, focus.
09:44Come on, Vivian, go on your lunch break.
09:46I've never stalked anyone before.
09:48Well, one time I tracked down this chick that slept with my boyfriend, stole her identity,
09:53and got her kicked out of college.
09:54Does that count?
09:55I don't have to know everything about you, okay, Lori?
09:58Okay.
09:59Oh, this might be her.
10:00You are way cuter than she is.
10:02Not even looking.
10:03Just doing my job.
10:04Oh, wow.
10:06See?
10:06You do think she's prettier than me.
10:08I know.
10:08I'll tell you something about Vivian that you don't know.
10:10She flaunts it, Lori.
10:12The entire block thought she was a giant bitch.
10:14Jules!
10:15Look.
10:19Oh, I'm so happy for her.
10:22Preggers and engaged?
10:24Oh, I'd love to rub it in his face.
10:26So do it.
10:27No.
10:27It's too mean.
10:28But he's been torturing you.
10:30And being mean is such a rush.
10:32It's like that feeling you get when someone loses weight, and then they brag about it,
10:36and then they gain it all back.
10:43Oh.
10:44Do you even know how to be mean?
10:46Hell yeah.
10:47When someone gets buggy with me, know what I do?
10:50I don't.
10:50No.
10:51Well, first, if someone hurts my feelings, I get really, really sad for two days.
10:54But then, then I act insanely nice to them so they feel totally guilty.
11:00Does that work?
11:01I like to think it stings a little.
11:03Jules, if you don't torch this cocky bastard, then I will.
11:06No, no.
11:06I want to do it.
11:07What is this weird mirror?
11:09No, no.
11:09Stay away from it.
11:10Oh, my God.
11:11My pores look like giant bullet holes.
11:15I see a little mustache.
11:18Where did this woman go?
11:21Come on.
11:22You still look like that.
11:24Should I just stop obsessing about how much older I look?
11:27Yes, because you are a stunningly beautiful woman.
11:31Wrong.
11:32The correct response is you don't look any older.
11:36That was a trap.
11:37We're not going to do this.
11:39In fact, I'd like to use my last card.
11:45Your cards are no longer honored at this establishment.
12:02You were my son, and I really wanted you to eat this, wouldn't you?
12:06Yes.
12:07Out of love.
12:08Exactly.
12:09One Cosmo, you jerk.
12:11Okay.
12:14So I'm guessing Jules showed you our sex tape?
12:17Yep.
12:18Did she show you the part where...
12:20Yep.
12:20It never goes away.
12:23Here you go, angry chick.
12:26I hope you were smart enough to snag your sex tapes before you left your wife.
12:30No, I didn't leave her.
12:31She left me.
12:32Why?
12:33Well, I wanted kids, and she didn't.
12:34It was one of those problems you just can't fix.
12:38So...
12:38She left.
12:41It sucked.
12:43Guess who I saw today!
12:47Your ex-wife.
12:49She's happy, she's engaged, and get this.
12:52She's preggers.
12:58Burn on who?
12:59Huh?
12:59I'd say burn on you, pal!
13:03How'd I do?
13:07I can't believe I did that.
13:09I feel so guilty I could actually cry.
13:12Why are you eating like that?
13:14It tastes better this way.
13:15I don't know why.
13:16And stop watching me eat.
13:18I thought we had an understanding.
13:19No, I can eat junk food in front of other people.
13:21Oh, yay for you, Lori.
13:22Turn around.
13:26Nice bite.
13:27What are you, wolf?
13:28I just want my treat.
13:30Your sex tape ruined my marriage.
13:32My husband and I will never have sex again because of you and your stupid hot 20-year-old body.
13:37It made me hate my ancient, saggy 40-year-old train wreck body.
13:43Don't watch me eat.
13:46Turn away, turn away.
13:48She's way worse than me.
13:49She gets violent.
13:50Yeesh.
13:51Okay, I'm gonna go talk to Grayson.
13:52Will you make sure Ellie's okay?
13:53I hate her.
13:54Oh, come on.
13:55Way deep down inside, you must like her a little, right?
13:58I don't think I do.
14:00You stay here for 30 minutes, I'll give you Friday off.
14:04Hey.
14:06You wanna talk?
14:07I said don't watch me eat.
14:09Ow!
14:10Ow!
14:13It's so awesome that you drive a golf cart.
14:16Cause that way we get to make like 9,000 trips.
14:19Dad?
14:22Dad?
14:23Hi, Junior.
14:25I was married to Tammy Moore.
14:27I'm not eating it.
14:30Fine.
14:32I'll eat it then.
14:35See, no big deal.
14:37I just want us to...
14:38Gah!
14:41It's horrible.
14:45I just want us to have a thing like me and my dad.
14:47You know, you don't like golf, you don't like boats,
14:50you don't like playing.
14:51Let's throw things at each other's nuts.
14:53I mean, sometimes I wonder what part of you is me.
14:55Come on, I just...
14:56Not now.
14:57I gotta go hard.
15:10How you doing?
15:11So great.
15:12I'm so sorry I was the one to, well, break the news about Vivian.
15:17No, no, no, I'm glad it came from you.
15:18You don't mean that.
15:20I really don't.
15:21Okay, look.
15:22We can either talk this out or I could just never speak to you again.
15:27Shouldn't have given that as an option.
15:35What?
15:36And BTW, she hit me.
15:38She was watching me eat.
15:39I was not watching you eat.
15:40I saw you.
15:41You don't watch people eat.
15:43It makes us want to cry.
15:45And you, Ellie Torres, you are a foxy treat.
15:49Your opinion means nothing.
15:51You're always nice to me.
15:52Okay.
15:53Lori isn't.
15:54Lori, say something nice to Ellie.
15:56I can't.
15:57Admit it.
15:58You know she's a smokin' piece of ass.
16:00Ugh, fine.
16:03She's hot for a frigid, beastly, elderly woman.
16:07You think I'm hot?
16:08That worked?
16:09Well, yeah, because if that trashy, big-lipped slag said it, it might be a little true.
16:14You think I have big lips?
16:16That's really sweet.
16:18Alright, my 30 minutes is up. I'm out.
16:20Bye, Jules.
16:20Later, Grandma.
16:24Oh, hey, Jules.
16:25Are you really in my bedroom watching our tape?
16:27I mean, seriously, is this actually happening?
16:29Calm down.
16:30I was just packin' up the last of my stuff, and I got nostalgic.
16:33I mean, ignore us goin' at it for a second.
16:35And look at our old apartment.
16:36You remember that nasty couch?
16:39We found that on the street.
16:41You just can't find good furniture on the street anymore.
16:44Oh, and there's our one bathroom.
16:46Didn't even have a door.
16:48You love that.
16:50Mmm.
16:50So convenient.
16:53You know why I like watching this tape?
16:55I like remembering all this.
16:58I like seeing us when we were happy together.
17:00What?
17:01Me too.
17:04Plus, I love it when you turn around and you pick your leg up.
17:07And I'm out.
17:10Can I come in?
17:11Thought you were never going to talk to me again, he said, hopefully.
17:14I'll be inside.
17:15You come in when you're ready.
17:18Oh!
17:20What the hell?
17:22Sorry, I pictured that being much more of a bonding moment.
17:25You got me.
17:28You know, Dad, I'm trying.
17:29Forget about all that, alright?
17:32You know, we don't need to have a thing.
17:33Just because I like eating fossilized Cheetos doesn't mean you have to.
17:37Well, maybe that's it.
17:38Maybe me getting you to do stupid things can be our thing.
17:45I'm listening.
17:47Wow, you've got a real flair for decorating.
17:49She took everything.
17:51What do you want?
17:52Look, your marriage sucked.
17:56And my marriage sucked.
17:57But why would you let me think that you're some jerk who walked away from his wife?
18:01I don't know.
18:02Maybe for some reason I thought you'd be really annoying and want to talk about it.
18:06Or maybe I'd rather not relive the super fun adventure of having someone you love just walk away.
18:11Definitely one of those two things.
18:13Well, you can't just pretend it didn't happen.
18:15Are you sure?
18:16Because I'm pretending that this conversation never happened as it's happening.
18:20Grayson, look, I know what it's like to want to erase your past.
18:22I had Bobby move all of his crap out just so I wouldn't have a daily reminder of it.
18:27But you can't pack away your past in boxes.
18:29It's always going to be a part of who you are.
18:32I mean, look, you were treated really, really badly.
18:35Which kind of justifies why you can be such a tool.
18:38I mean, don't get me wrong.
18:39I was also treated really badly.
18:41But, you know, I'm super nice.
18:43Whatever.
18:43Worst buck-up speech ever.
18:46I'm not done yet.
18:47You need to know that eventually this isn't going to hurt so much.
18:51And the good times are just going to get easier to remember.
18:54And you're going to end up being a stronger person because of all the stuff that you've been through.
18:58I promise.
19:00Really.
19:04Oh, by the way, I hated your wife.
19:06She was a total bitch.
19:07Needed to be said.
19:08You deserve better.
19:12Any thoughts, comments, feelings, questions?
19:17Well, alright.
19:18Then I'll just see myself out.
19:21Hey, did you say something?
19:23Nope.
19:24Thought I heard something.
19:27Six, seven, eight, nine, ten!
19:31Oh!
19:34Nice!
19:35Woo!
19:36What are you guys up to?
19:38Tribe, dare me to stick the hose in my mouth for ten seconds.
19:41Can I go next?
19:42It's kind of a father-son thing.
19:53What's wrong?
19:54Life.
19:57Maybe this will make you feel better.
20:01Thank you for always thinking I'm beautiful even when I don't.
20:04We can have sex again?
20:06Yes.
20:07Whenever you want.
20:07No, please.
20:08What?
20:10What are you doing?
20:12Nothing.
20:12What are you doing?
20:13Reading a book.
20:15Ow!
20:15Are you and Andy all better?
20:17He's fine.
20:18I was calling you because it's ten o'clock and I was looking outside.
20:26Oh, my God.
20:28His porch light is on.
20:29He admitted it.
20:30You won.
20:31I knew it!
20:35I don't want to talk about this, okay?
20:37This is just me being nice.
20:39Just say it out loud.
20:41Say you're attracted to me and I'll never talk to you about it again.
20:44Leave me alone.
20:45What's my best feature?
20:47Is it my butt?
20:48Because I've been working really hard on my butt.
20:52Yes!
20:55I can't believe you let me tape us.
20:58You're welcome.
21:00This is very exciting for me.
21:01I know.
21:06Is my back really that hairy?
21:08Yes.
21:11Is this in slow motion?
21:13No.
21:19Can we just erase this?
21:20Yes.
21:21Great.
21:22No.
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