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مسلسل Cougar Town مترجم - Episode 6
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00:07I'm Jules. It's a game. Just pick any celebrity you'd want to have sex with for an hour.
00:11An hour? No one.
00:13Okay, 15 minutes.
00:15Dan Rather. It's a long story.
00:17Are you really wearing that t-shirt?
00:19Yeah. I've never been to Ohio, but I do love this shirt because the O's frame my boobs perfectly, and
00:24it says hi in the middle.
00:27Oh, hey, Travis.
00:30Ohio.
00:31Travis, eyes up.
00:35Hey, that is a bitchin' purse.
00:37Did you get that on the internet because I just bought this badass humidifier on the internet, and it is
00:41really helping with my sinus infection.
00:44It's cold mess, so less bacteria, you know. No biggie.
00:48What are you doing?
00:50Great stuff, moms. And I'm out.
00:55What a doof. He is so crushing on you.
01:00Oh, he's kind of sweet.
01:02Yeah.
01:03Do you want me to take his virginity?
01:05No, not so sweet.
01:06No, it's like a favor to you. Plus, it's kind of my hobby.
01:09Honey, I'm hoping my son's first time is a little more romantic, and a little less hold on tight.
01:15How dare you.
01:19So where's Hanson boring guy?
01:21Josh isn't boring. Deep down, he's really...
01:25Okay, I got nothing.
01:27All right, Laurie, you have to stay with me, okay?
01:28These are all his friends, and they're all, like, 12 years old.
01:33Laurie?
01:35You're funny.
01:35How did you do that? It takes me 20 minutes to get in a hammock.
01:39Ohio!
01:41Stacy!
01:42Whoa!
01:42Sorry. I thought you were my roommate.
01:45You thought my butt was young enough to be your roommates?
01:48We need to hug.
01:50Wow!
01:52Jules?
01:53I made a new friend.
01:55Nice.
01:57Why didn't I think of having a boat yard sale before? I made 12 bucks already.
02:01Dad, we've been here all morning, and the only one who's bought anything is your one psychotic super fan.
02:07I'm going to buy the picture, too.
02:10Look at you. You're magnificent.
02:12For you, 30 bucks.
02:13I'm paying 40.
02:15Done.
02:17I feel like this is a sad day.
02:19Well, I'm a little striped for cash, bud.
02:21No, I ain't got four golf lessons booked this month.
02:24So I got to come up with new ways to bring in the doubloos.
02:28That's boat sling for money.
02:30Got it.
02:34Yes! Chug it!
02:36In your face, Sally!
02:39Love this game!
02:42I forfeit!
02:43Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
02:45Hey, hey, hey!
02:47Hey!
02:47All the chanting's not going to make me do it.
02:49What? Let me tell you a little something about peer pressure.
02:52Peer pressure is why I lost my virginity at 15 with Francis Cooper in his mom's bathtub.
02:59Never told that story before.
03:01You all pressured me into it.
03:03Jules, I gotta please stop.
03:07This is fun!
03:08I haven't drank out of a red plastic cup since my wedding reception.
03:13So he just hugged you sweetly from behind and didn't honk a boob to show off to his friends?
03:18Nope. No honks.
03:21What is with the knowing look?
03:22You know I hate knowing looks unless I'm giving them?
03:25Jules, that boy is an L-O-V-E.
03:27Love.
03:28Used to be a cheerleader.
03:29No, you weren't.
03:31Okay, I slept with a lot of football players.
03:33Same death.
03:33Slutty dummies write for a change.
03:35Josh is in love.
03:36Holla!
03:37No holla, Lori.
03:38This is not a holla moment.
03:40We're having fun.
03:41He doesn't love me.
03:42Hey, Grayson.
03:43If you were at a barbecue playing drinking games with your buds,
03:46would you chug a girl's beer, then hug her sweetly from behind without trying to cop a feel in front
03:50of them if you weren't totally in love?
03:52Please stop coming to my bar.
03:55A man's got a point.
03:56Yeah, he's got a nice ass, too.
04:02You don't love me, right?
04:04What?
04:04No.
04:06Holla!
04:07Oh, that's fun to say.
04:08Josh, do me a favor.
04:09Don't fall in love with me, okay?
04:11Oh, my God.
04:12That sounds like the most arrogant thing I've ever said.
04:14Ugh.
04:17But seriously, don't.
04:18That would be a huge hassle.
04:19Okay.
04:20Okay.
04:24Wow, Travis.
04:25Really feeling out.
04:27I think I see a vein on that bicep.
04:30Ugh.
04:31Yeah, just going for a post-workout swim.
04:35Hey, can you thank Jules for letting me use the pool?
04:38No, Josh.
04:41Hey, can you ask your mom to give me a call later?
04:44Yeah, no.
04:44No, I can't, Josh, because I have to go shoot myself.
04:50I told you Josh didn't love me.
04:53All he wants is, well, all of this with a side of this.
04:59Holy crap, Jules.
05:00You are finally someone's booty call.
05:02Ugh.
05:03All that hard work finally paid off.
05:06Ugh, the spin classes, the expensive body creams, the not eating candy.
05:11You know, I suck on chocolate for like three seconds and then I spit it out.
05:16Oh, that's him.
05:18Hello.
05:19Is someone calling for a booty?
05:20Day.
05:22Jules, I lied before.
05:23I can't stop thinking about you.
05:26I love you.
05:28Not much.
05:29Just hanging with my girls.
05:32Jules, I'm trying to tell you that I love you.
05:35Oh, yeah.
05:36Well, you know, they're all on that island.
05:37I mean, it's crazy.
05:38I tell you, they're not getting off.
05:41Jules, I'm telling you that I love you.
05:43Please say something real.
05:49Whoa, what are you doing?
05:51I got very nervous.
05:52That was uncomfortable.
05:53I thought it was fun.
05:55Laurie, you can't do that.
05:57Josh has feelings.
05:58He's a human being.
06:02I don't know what to say yet.
06:07You have to cold dump Josh's ass like yesterday.
06:12I can't believe he fell in love.
06:13I specifically told him not to.
06:15And he did the opposite?
06:16It doesn't make any sense.
06:18Sarcasm?
06:19No, I wouldn't do that.
06:20It would be so rude.
06:21So?
06:22What are you wearing to the breakup?
06:24What?
06:24This is how he's going to remember you forever.
06:27I like to do it after sex.
06:29It's when my hair looks the best.
06:31I've never broken up with anyone before.
06:33I mean, I dated this guy Francis from 15 to 19, and then I met Bobby.
06:37What happened with Francis?
06:38Did you dump him or did he dump you?
06:40Neither.
06:41He's still in a coma from his tractor accident.
06:45Oh, I want to go see Francis.
06:47Don't be such a baby.
06:48Fine, I'll do it.
06:50But not today.
06:51I mean, how heartless would it be to have a breakup with someone five months before their birthday?
06:56Jules!
06:57Okay!
07:00Follow-through is looking much better, Gladys.
07:03You go, Gladys.
07:04You're going to get it one day.
07:05Never will.
07:07What do you need, Bobby?
07:08I've got to go break up with someone.
07:10So, Trav probably filled you in on my liquidity crisis.
07:14Don't get me wrong, the boatyard sale did okay.
07:19Absolutely not.
07:21So I can't use one thing in here?
07:24Come on!
07:26But financially, I'm still in the red.
07:29Wait, is that right?
07:30Yes, Bobby.
07:31Red is the bad color.
07:33Anyway, do you think you can give me some life advice and help me get back on track?
07:36Oh my God, I have prayed for this moment.
07:41Wait, are you messing with me?
07:42No, I'm bringing the real.
07:45And in return, I'm going to give your swing a tune-up.
07:48Get in here.
07:49No, no, let us don't play golf.
07:50Let's fix your life.
07:52Russ!
07:52Hey, Jules, you remember my old golf buddy, Russ?
07:55Oh, of course, Russ.
07:56I love Russ.
07:57We never really met.
07:59Why not just go with it, Russ?
08:01Yeah.
08:02Here's your cash, Bobby.
08:03Merci beaucoup.
08:06What just happened?
08:07Don't worry about it.
08:07Just take it.
08:08Bobby, I don't care how much trouble you're in.
08:10I'm not hiding this in my butt.
08:12Oh, that happened once.
08:14Look, back in 99, Russ bet me a thousand bucks that in ten years, we wouldn't still be married.
08:19That's your share.
08:20So this was just all a con?
08:22You're welcome, baby.
08:24That's the swing, Gladys.
08:25Better make that fake hip your bitch.
08:29Here, have a seat, Josh.
08:32Okay, I'm going to try to make this as short and concise as I possibly can.
08:40Josh, people go through many phases in their lives.
08:42Like moving out on their own or menopause.
08:45I'm not sure why I went with menopause.
08:47It's years away from being like at least four.
08:49Four?
08:50Oh, my God.
08:51Am I that old, Josh?
08:52Well, here's a crazy question.
08:54Have you ever been so into someone that you actually don't want to see them anymore?
09:01Except for maybe as friends.
09:03So many things in life are about timing.
09:06I mean, not just relationships, Josh.
09:09Soft-boiled eggs.
09:10Horse races.
09:11I mean, those are really the two that come to mind.
09:14Look, Josh, you are a great guy.
09:16I mean, you are easily in the top 10 to 15 guys that I've ever met in my life.
09:21And that includes Tom Petty and Colonel Sanders.
09:23Oh, I'm just in a bad place in my life, Josh.
09:28It's like an outlet mall.
09:29But you think you're getting a deal, but you're not.
09:32They're just selling you poor quality stuff.
09:34It's like a trick is what it is.
09:37Are you dumping me?
09:38No, no, no, no.
09:39Don't be sad.
09:40So you're not.
09:41No, I am.
09:44So I'll call you two tomorrow about those listings.
09:46Thanks for stopping by.
09:52You okay down there, sweetheart?
09:54They didn't see me, did they?
09:55They did.
09:56But they rolled with it.
09:57I murdered Josh.
09:59Oh, you just don't know how bad it was.
10:01I do.
10:02I was watching.
10:03Did the word menopause come out of your mouth at some point?
10:06It may have.
10:08I need some chocolate.
10:09Okay.
10:11Oh, honey, there's nothing in your purse except for $300.
10:13That's $500.
10:14That's my half of a stupid bet Bobby made.
10:17No, this feels like $300.
10:20My brother sold pot for six years.
10:22All right, if Bobby wants to play rough, then I'll play rough.
10:25Get my flats.
10:27Oh, chocolate.
10:30One, two, three.
10:33All right, let's go.
10:37Put it on my tab.
10:39Ooh, yeah.
10:39Remember how we talked about how you don't have a tab?
10:42Yep, that's why I just started one.
10:44Okay, well, remember how we talked about just saying the word tab doesn't mean that you've
10:48magically created one?
10:49Right.
10:51Hey, thanks for this.
10:53So I set up that tea time for tomorrow.
10:55It's going to be us against two other dudes.
10:56Oh, can we please not bet this time I really don't like the pressure?
11:00Betting takes the pressure off.
11:01I don't think that's true for anyone.
11:07Hey, Andy.
11:08It's Andy.
11:09I got that.
11:10What do you mean she stole?
11:13You saw nothing.
11:17Oh, Josh, don't be sad.
11:19Hey, why don't you go to the gym?
11:20That always cheers you up.
11:22Well, go again and just do abs.
11:24And remember, who is an amazing person?
11:28Oh, thanks, but I was talking about you.
11:31Okay, call me later.
11:32Bye.
11:33You dumped him.
11:34Why are you taking his calls?
11:36I might have called him.
11:38Well, I'm the one who hurt Josh, so I feel like I should help him through this.
11:43Excuse me.
11:43If you answer that, I will break your nose with my forehead.
11:47Ignore.
11:48You think you're being nice to that boy, but you're not.
11:51If you keep talking to him, he will never move on.
11:53Oh, no, she's doing it perfectly.
11:57You're leaving a trail of breadcrumbs leading right back to your door.
12:00Where the hell did you come from?
12:02Barb's talking.
12:03Trust me, one night, one night, very soon, you'll be sitting in your bedroom, sipping a
12:08glass of wine, perhaps enjoying some chocolates, and then you'll hear the plink, plink of little
12:16stones hitting your window.
12:19What's that?
12:20You'll wonder.
12:20And heart racing, you'll go look.
12:24And there, standing on your lawn, you'll see it.
12:29A desperate, broken boy crying in the rain, begging for your love.
12:35Do I love you?
12:40Oh, there isn't a woman in the world who can resist the scent of wounded boy.
12:47Oh, God.
12:48That is horrible.
12:49And frankly, Barb, I would never be turned on by that.
12:57It hurts.
12:58Let me make it better.
13:13Good morning.
13:15I just said I love you in Morse code.
13:18Oh, God.
13:18Jules, why isn't my coffee made yet?
13:22Stay up here.
13:26Morning.
13:30You totally had sex last night.
13:32How did you know?
13:34I'm your best friend.
13:35I know these things.
13:36And plus, there's a condom wrapper on your back.
13:39Oh, is it just the one?
13:41Good God, Jules.
13:43I had to sex away his tears.
13:45Well, where is he?
13:51Hey, Travis.
13:52Josh, let's make a real effort to wear shirts around each other, okay?
13:56Sure.
13:57Hey, do you think your mom likes me?
14:00Just woke up, dude.
14:04Josh, I'm so glad that you're back.
14:07Thank you, Mrs. Torres.
14:11Don't forget, the concert tonight's outdoors so we can have a picnic.
14:15You ring the G's, please.
14:16I'll ring the Nosh, Josh.
14:18And now I'm rhyming.
14:20I hate myself.
14:21My God, when did I start dating him again?
14:23It's just like Sister Catherine used to say.
14:26Never have sex with someone you don't love.
14:28It's dirty and you will burn in hell.
14:30Where is Travis?
14:31He should be hearing this.
14:33Relax, sweetie.
14:34Do you know how many people I've slept with that I didn't love?
14:37Like, 20.
14:3821 if you count the first six years with Andy.
14:44Can I please have my golf clubs back?
14:47Just pay up.
14:49You give him his clubs back!
14:51Andy, apologize and go home.
14:54Right.
14:55Sorry, Jules.
14:57They're in the garage, aren't they?
14:59Nope.
15:27I'm glad you got stuck with the kiddie clubs.
15:29Now we can call that bet off.
15:31Whoa.
15:32Pump your brakes, negative Nancy.
15:33I told the guys that I'm going to play with these and I nubled the bet.
15:37The plan is full-proof.
15:41I'm not sure you have a firm grasp of what that term means.
15:44Hey, what the hell is that?
15:47Well, he wouldn't let me put it up in our house.
15:49Unacceptable.
15:51Pretty boy doesn't want to play.
15:53Then put me in.
15:54Unfortunately, little buddy, G-Man's got more game than you.
15:58Huh.
15:58Whatever you say.
16:00Hey, hey, hey.
16:00You're still my caddy.
16:02Man behind the man.
16:03And I'm back.
16:05Did you nail this in?
16:07I didn't want anyone to steal it.
16:13Maybe I don't have to break up with Josh.
16:15I mean, he barely snores and he is good at stomping on cockroaches.
16:19Plus, he's so young.
16:21I mean, when I'm 100, he'll be like 40 and then he can just carry me around and stuff.
16:25Why are you such a wuss?
16:27I just am, Ellie.
16:29I think it's endearing.
16:30When I need to end it with a guy, I just sleep with his best friend.
16:33Or his brother.
16:34Brothers are good because if the guy was hot, chances are the brother will be hot too.
16:38Best friends are a crapshoot.
16:39Why don't you two have a competition to see who can be less helpful?
16:42Fine.
16:42If you want to do this right, you have to smother any hope the boy has.
16:46If you leave a single piece of string for him to hold on to, he's going to use it just
16:50to climb right back into your life.
16:52You have to assassinate him.
16:55Yes.
16:56Why can't Josh just be in a coma like Francis?
17:00I don't know, sweetie.
17:05Chunked it.
17:06At least you don't look stupid.
17:09Yeah, my stomach's acting up.
17:10It's all squirrely like I'm hungry.
17:12But opposite.
17:13It's called nerves, dipstick, because we're about to lose a thousand bucks.
17:19Listen, I really don't think we should do this.
17:22I'm so sorry for putting you in this business, truly.
17:24But I need this cash.
17:26Bad.
17:27Yeah?
17:28Yeah.
17:30All right, then.
17:31I got your back.
17:32And we're going to be just fine.
17:34I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
17:35You lose your boat.
17:36So what?
17:36You crash at a friend's place.
17:38You got a spare room?
17:39Not my place.
17:40But come on now.
17:41Let's see this.
17:41Come on.
17:55Oh, good.
17:56You guys are bonding.
17:59Back off, man.
18:00I'm warning you.
18:11Oh, hi, Bobby.
18:12Hey, Jay Bird.
18:14The copster just rocked it with some kiddie clubs, so here's your money.
18:21What's wrong?
18:22Josh is on his way over.
18:24He told me he loved me, so I have to break up with him.
18:28I do, right?
18:30Yeah, but so what?
18:32He's young, handsome, got tall hair.
18:36He'll get over in like a day.
18:39Excuse me, did you not see the outfit?
18:41Fine, maybe a week.
18:43Better answer.
18:45You know, when you and I were married, it wasn't perfect, but...
18:48Sometimes it was perfect.
18:50Bobby, just take what I'm giving you.
18:52But still, I always knew that you could roll with the punches.
18:55But now, if I date someone, I have the chance of really hurting them.
19:00It's just so scary.
19:04That is incredibly lame.
19:06What?
19:07You being afraid of hurting some pretty kid's feelings.
19:09I mean, let me tell you about some real fear.
19:11I'm hustling my ass off just to keep a boat over my head.
19:15For you, you're smart.
19:16You're tough.
19:17You started your own business.
19:19You'll always be fine.
19:20What am I going to be doing 30 years from now?
19:22Teaching a couple golf lessons and trying to scam enough money
19:25so I can buy a six-pack of whatever space beer people are drinking?
19:29That's fear.
19:32I sound pissy because I want it to sound pissy.
19:36Bobby, you're going to be fine.
19:38You really think so?
19:41Because if you say it, Jules, I might actually believe it.
19:45I really think so.
19:50Anytime.
19:59Catch you later, Gator.
20:05Hey, babe.
20:06Don't love you, never will.
20:07Drop cookies, bye, Josh.
20:12No.
20:14When did you get here?
20:15I don't know.
20:16About halfway through your ex's sob story.
20:19Boo-hoo.
20:19I'm getting wine.
20:21Me, too.
20:26So, your second first breakup.
20:29How do you feel?
20:30A little gassy.
20:31But you were right.
20:33The last thing you want to do is keep that door open.
20:36If you give a guy any strings to hold on to,
20:39you just know he'll cling to them forever.
20:42Remind him now, the defeats of yesterday's soul.
20:53She was so cool.
20:57And now she's gone.
20:59Yes, she's a very mean lady.
21:03Let me look at you.
21:04Oh, such pretty tears from such a beautiful boy.
21:10You deserve better.
21:13How's that feel?
21:15Kind of nice.
21:16How about that?
21:18Oh, yeah.
21:21Barb's gonna take good care of you.
21:24Bye-bye.
21:25Bye-bye.
21:27Bye-bye.
21:28Bye-bye.
21:29Bye-bye.
21:30Bye-bye.
21:31Bye-bye.
21:31Bye-bye.
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