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00:28Okay
00:30Thank you very much
00:31Hello and welcome to the show
00:33Thank you so much for joining us
00:36This week, Arsenal lost
00:38And then they won
00:39Somebody told me that and I tried to look
00:44Apologies
00:44We have an amazing audience
00:46And some brilliant guests are joining us on the sofa
00:49She has done it all
00:51Comedian, writer, actor, model
00:53And she's here to talk about her latest tour
00:55It's Michelle Desuart
01:07She was the girlfriend in The Girlfriend
01:10But tonight she's here to talk about dragons
01:12It's Olivia Koch
01:22She's a Hollywood star
01:24And is here to discuss the latest
01:25Instalment of the scary movie franchise
01:28It's Anna Faris
01:41And he has conquered the stage and screen
01:44Best known for starring in 28 years later
01:47Schindler's List and the Harry Potter films
01:49Is the magnificent
01:50Ralph Fiennes
02:05Thank you all
02:07So much for coming
02:09I have quite big news
02:10This has never happened before
02:12Anna has brought gifts
02:14They are in this
02:15Well, listen, please keep expectations low
02:18No, I'm gonna get them out
02:20Okay, great
02:20In this disgusting country
02:22I offer a gift from abroad as an apology
02:27Why?
02:29Just a blanket apology
02:30These are hats that I knitted during quarantine
02:33I quarantined
02:34And I learned how to knit a hat
02:37And would you do me the honour of accepting
02:39Thank you
02:40Oh my god
02:40Hello
02:41Thank you so much
02:46Thank you so much
02:48Thank you so much
02:48I don't care how to get in
02:52I don't know why you're taking them off guys
02:54I'm spending the next hour like this
02:56They are beautiful
02:58Thank you
02:59Oh, thank you
02:59Oh, that's so kind
02:59Thank you
03:00Thank you
03:00Thank you so much
03:01Oh, no, thank you
03:02You knitted them in in quarantine like five years ago
03:08I mean, I'm into it
03:09I had high hopes, you know
03:11Okay
03:11Like things were gonna get better
03:13And I was gonna be on this show apologizing to British people for just general things, you know
03:20I really did have a turn in my career
03:23You know, it's a vulnerable profession that we're in
03:27But to be able to be here tonight just means a lot to me
03:31So I'm just really grateful
03:32Well, we are so grateful
03:34Thank you guys
03:35Thank you
03:36I'm gonna take that
03:37I'm gonna take that
03:37You guys will have a monologue
03:39No, no
03:39You will get them
03:41No, you'll get them back
03:42You'll get them back
03:43You'll get them back
03:43But I'm just gonna put them somewhere cosy
03:45Claudia, did I ruin the show by being too serious right off the bat?
03:50No, you did not
03:51Because I can be silly and vapid
03:54No
03:54I was reading about all four of you and there is a link
04:00Which is just how fantastic all your mums were and are
04:05Olivia your mum loves your life, right?
04:09Yeah
04:09I mean and she loves
04:11She loves the perks that come with it
04:14Yeah
04:16It's my fault I've created a monster
04:17Like
04:18So
04:20The
04:21This job
04:22It's you know
04:22There's some bits of it that are very gorgeous and like nice like premieres and like fancy hotels
04:27And things like that
04:28And I invite my mum down and I get her a room at the hotel
04:31And then she goes out and goes to the premiere and she gets on it
04:35Nice
04:36Then you got her
04:38And then I'm like alright I think mum needs to go home now
04:41She's in the corner slumped with like a goujon
04:43In one hour
04:44And a gin and tonic in the other
04:46And so I end up taking my mum home at my own premiere
04:49Yeah
04:50Erm
04:50She loves it I've spoiled her rotten
04:52Because you're given stuff right?
04:54They're a freebie sometimes
04:55So like I get you know the perks of this job sometimes you're sent things that
05:00Like a candle or lotion or something
05:01Yeah and you look online and they're quite expensive and you're like I will never ever use this
05:06Because it's awful
05:07Erm
05:08So I send it up to Manchester my mum's got like a little account on an online resell website somewhere
05:15Under a different name
05:17And I come home and I'm like oh mum that's a new armchair
05:20You know
05:21And she goes yeah thanks for the lotions
05:23Yeah that was the da da da handbag and I'm like I'm never gonna get sent stuff again
05:27Because some of it is really nice
05:28Yeah
05:29And I like to keep it oh well
05:30To anyone who's watching you would still like the stuff because your mum needs something to match the armchair
05:34Yeah and sometimes I do like it as well and I do wear it as well
05:38Yeah I do
05:38Anna your mum was quite strict about watching TV right?
05:41Yes she wouldn't let me watch television when she left for the grocery store
05:46I would watch television then put a bag of frozen peas to cool down the television because she would check
05:51Oh my god
05:52Yeah she did not want me seeing Madonna Madonna for her
05:59Like losing my virginity was very stressful
06:02Yes
06:03Yes
06:04Yes
06:05Yeah
06:06Rafe your mum
06:06So I like the fact how forward she was with your dad
06:10Well she was set up on a basically a blind date with my dad
06:13My mother cooked I think scrambled eggs
06:15For supper
06:17And the story was that he turned up and she thought he was she was going to meet some
06:23Puny weedy chinless wonder
06:26And in walk my father who was very handsome very big man
06:30She made him his scrambled eggs and then the story goes that he probably fell asleep
06:35But that didn't put her off because the next day she got on her moped went to the farm where
06:39he lived
06:40And he opened the door and he said would you like to come in for a dish of tea
06:47She said yes thank you I'd like to have six children
06:52Michelle I love the story of your mum who said I think she panicked when she saw you do the
06:56weakest link
06:56Yeah
06:57Yeah
06:58Is that you really get a kind of good gauge of what your family think of you when you tell
07:03them
07:04So I said to my mum I was like I'm doing the weakest link and she went oh shit
07:10And to be honest they weren't wrong with it because I
07:13I only got one question wrong but the question that I got wrong so I'm
07:18Severely dyslexic right and and it was all going well I was like
07:22Yeah crashing owning yeah
07:24I'm a strong link and then
07:27And then and then Romesh was like Michelle name a vowel that appears twice in the word donation and I
07:34was like vows
07:37And so I said blue
07:46Well I need to explain my reasoning for this so I was like my mum was like oh mate
07:52What's your strategy and I said well I think if I don't know the answer for something
07:55I'll just say Moby Dick because I feel like at some point that's gonna come up as an answer
07:59Yeah, and so where Romesh was like you know the vowel that appears twice I was like okay this Moby
08:05Dick time
08:05But I couldn't remember the word Moby Dick so I thought whale what colors are whale blue and that's why
08:13So whenever I like forget what I'm supposed to say I just say Moby Dick
08:17Yeah, I love it
08:20I like the fact that I'm just like us we're having a chat and Rafe looks like help me
08:26I want to talk about my play
08:30Rafe I'm going to talk to you about your play I don't want you to panic and run away screaming
08:34I'm staying here. Yeah, good boy. Thank you
08:37The good boy was too much
08:41As I said that I was like I'm uncomfortable
08:45There'll be an opening night there will be a red carpet
08:49Do you guys like a red carpet look at Olivia's face?
08:53It's it's disgusting, isn't it?
08:54Well when you've got all those people screaming at you my reaction is to want to cry or run away
09:03And so like I can't I can't sort like it sort of all the energy gets put down and under
09:07my dress my like right knee is quivering like that
09:09Yeah
09:11But it's like it's no, but it can be scary
09:14Oh 100% and I don't know there isn't at least
09:18When I my first red carpet was in the year 2004 scary movie and it felt confusing
09:25I'm sure some of those photos. I am really like, you know caught caught like I know I don't belong
09:35Here on this red carpet and I think you guys know that too
09:38That's always the feeling of like
09:41Imposter syndrome. Yes. I feel like it's just a necessary evil
09:46You know, I mean like you've got to do the red carpet to get into the venue to quaff the
09:50free champagne
09:52It's the tax
09:53Yeah
09:54You know what I mean? Yeah
09:57So true
09:58In my life and I'm 54 I've never met anybody who likes a red carpet and then Rafe I meet
10:07you
10:08Yeah, I've got evidence. Let's have a look exhibit one, please
10:15He has a lot
10:18I know what you're thinking you guys. It's a one-off
10:21Buckle up
10:22Here's number two
10:26He's enjoying himself
10:29That's nothing
10:31That is foreplay. Let's have number three
10:35Yes, I'm going to create it as an education
10:40And finally, as we're all going, oh and it's uncomfortable and they're saying my name
10:45Rafe finds ladies and gentlemen
10:55I love you for it. So why why do you love it? You come out of the car. You're wearing
11:01a suit. You've got something
11:02I don't know you're just ready and they're shouting Rafe Rafe and you're like I've come along
11:06You know what happens
11:07You can make that Rafe Rafe or what I met the name
11:10And you
11:10And then suddenly a boredom factor kicks in
11:19And you entertain yourself to get through the fucking thing
11:25That's a great strategy
11:27I'm going to try to embrace that
11:31You're our new hero. I would like to see the three of you next time
11:34Pretend to be an airplane and you know all of you what we're being
11:40Let's talk about this
11:42New play. It's coming to the West End
11:45Grace pervades
11:47Yeah
11:47And you found the story I believe and gave it to David head
11:51Well, it's the story of the Victorian actor Henry Irving
11:56And he was probably the first leading actor to start directing plays
12:01But in our play the key the sort of central
12:04Spine is the relationship with this wonderful actress Ellen Terry
12:08She has a wonderful speech where he's trying to give her notes and she turns it around and starts giving
12:13him notes
12:14And he talks about how stiff he feels when he's alongside her very had very natural acting
12:19And she's well, I think you take too long to prepare
12:22I'm just in my dressing room. I'm reading a book and reading the newspaper when it's my cue. I just
12:26go down. I just go on stage
12:27I don't I don't have any inhibitions. I just go on bang and I'm there and I have no awareness
12:32of 500 people watching me
12:34And Dave has written this wonderful speech for her about the spontaneous
12:38Allowing of yourself on stage without too much thinking and preparing and getting all nervous in your head
12:44Absolutely. And also I love the fact that you said what you adore about the theatre is it's totally different
12:48every night
12:49Even if you think it's gonna be the same it's not and you should embrace it that being it being
12:54different
12:54I think it's some I think you should allow it to be different every night. Yeah
12:59Here's the thing right is that they've got this thing going on in theaters
13:02Where they think they'd sell all like the fancy crisps right the kettle chips the the crunchy hearty crisps
13:09These are the crisps we should be selling in theaters. What's its?
13:12Mmm. Quavers. Correct. Skips. Melt in the mouth. Soft. Soft. Thank you. Soft crisps
13:18Right and that you've put into a cup or something none of this rustling of paper
13:22Yeah, unbearable. It does my head in. Yeah, have a marshmallow or eat first
13:26Yeah. No, I feel the same as you. Yeah, and the worst is the popping of drink cans
13:33Yes, just the quiet dramatic pause
13:39And actually being in an audience when someone yeah, and you're engaged and someone is opening a sweet paper wrap
13:46room wrapping
13:47You know what does my head in? You know what?
13:51Someone trying to slowly eat crisps slowly just get them all in your mouth and just do it
13:57This like oh, I'm gonna quietly try and eat one Christmas bring you in it. Oh
14:02Do you ever say anything?
14:05Yeah, you do you're one of them? No, no, no, no
14:08I can tell. Yeah, you do
14:10I know because I
14:13Once in the place a mobile phone it was a monologue and the mobile phone went off and I lost
14:18it
14:19Good. Don't turn off your fucking phone. That's right
14:22Um, but actually it froze you. That was quite hot
14:25You have the adrenaline thing
14:27It was quite hot. It was
14:30Everybody felt it. We were all like hmm
14:33Yeah
14:33I don't like it when rave's angry, but hold on
14:37That's my phone
14:40Sorry, continue
14:47Are you scared?
14:49Um, rave, please tell us when and where can we see the play because we will all be coming
14:55Um, grace pervades is on at the Theatre Royal Haymarket from the 24th of April till the 11th of July
15:03Fantastic
15:05Thank you
15:06And, um, rave, I have to ask you about Voldemort because they're about to shoot a new series
15:12Everybody has been cast
15:15No
15:17Nobody
15:19I'm not saying this to be nice to you, but nobody else can play the Dark Lord
15:23So would you do it again? And are you doing it again? Let's just we won't tell anyone
15:27I remember being asked the question once we'd shot the total film series would I reprise the part and this
15:32was some years ago
15:33And I said yes, I'd love to
15:35But then nothing's happened
15:37I think that ship has sailed
15:40But I tell you there was Tilda Swinton was mentioned somewhere as being a contender and I think she would
15:46be amazing
15:46She'd be fantastic
15:50Um, Anna, when you were growing up you had a quite specific, I hope I'm not saying anything bad
15:58Imaginary friend
15:58Yes, I, um, I was a lonely short child so I, I don't know, I didn't have that many friends
16:06It was hard for me to make friends which is why I'm so glad to be here tonight
16:10Because I told you guys we're friends now
16:14Gave you a hat and all
16:17Um, but I, I had a retainer
16:20My parents' strategy to keep me a virgin
16:23Was to
16:25Keep me, uh, in con, with like constant dental gear
16:30I had the gamut, I had the neck gear, I had braces, I had retainers of various kinds
16:36And one of them was my beloved retainer Simon
16:40Who was British and he
16:44He was my talking retainer
16:46I never lost Simon
16:48Um, Simon would give me advice and help me with homework
16:52We would go on talk shows, we went on Oprah a couple of times
16:57Simon and I because it was remarkable that I had a talking retainer who was also my best friend
17:03Yeah, that's a lonely story about a lonely little kid
17:06No, I don't want to offend Simon, but when was Simon put away?
17:12I didn't know we were gonna go here
17:14Okay
17:16Simon, um, he did get retired I think when some teeth came in, some more teeth
17:20Got it
17:21Had to move on to headgear, still a virgin
17:25Okay, so Ana, we need to talk about Scary Movie
17:29Because the sixth installment is about to come out
17:33You were part of the first one, that was 26 years ago
17:37And the same cast are together
17:41How much fun is it reprising the role?
17:44It's more than fun, it's like
17:46I don't really, even though I've lived in LA for a while, I don't love the idea
17:51I don't believe in closure or healing
17:53I grew up in Seattle
17:55I wanted to marry a cynical Brit, you know
17:58I had never done comedy
17:59I think Simon always thought I was funny
18:02But, uh, but no one else did
18:05Um, and the movie became a big hit
18:08And it defined the last 26 years for me essentially
18:13And I feel honored
18:15And it also feels like people are really hungry
18:19For this movie
18:20Yes
18:20And that feels thrilling
18:22So think away
18:25And the trailer alone is majestic
18:30Here it is
18:31Oh, thank you
18:32There's a serial killer on the loose
18:34Hello, Tuesday
18:35I have been preparing for this for years
18:39Hello, mother
18:41You look like shit
18:44Sandy?
18:45Should we hug?
18:46I really want to, but I'm a Republican now
18:48So I'm supposed to be racist
18:50Oh girl, I think all white people are racist anyway
18:52Come here
18:53Okay
18:54Mom, Santa gave me a severed arm
19:00Be sure to thank him
19:05Thank you
19:08You took your mum to see the film, didn't you?
19:10Yes, at a very crowded theatre in Linwood, Washington
19:14Um, I took her to see the first scary movie in the summer of 2000
19:18And I told her
19:19Mom, when I tell you
19:23You have to, when I tell you to, you have to get up and go to the bathroom immediately
19:27And, uh, so I did tell her, I was like, Mom, go
19:30And she did
19:31Oh, that's good
19:32Yes
19:32There is a scene
19:34Where I, um
19:37You can say
19:38My boyfriend sprays me to the ceiling of my bedroom with his ejaculate
19:46And then you're stuck, right? You're stuck on the ceiling
19:49So you can imagine as I was hanging from the, why, you know, this is my first movie
19:56And, like, you know, the prop people are just spraying me with
20:03What, what did they use for the ejaculate?
20:06Oh, I wish I knew
20:08I would, I would clock it now
20:10At the time I was like, don't think
20:12Don't think about anything
20:15Don't think about your mom
20:17Whatever you do
20:18There's something really magical about your parents not letting you watch TV
20:22And then you having to sit in a cinema with your mom while you're welded onto a ceiling with jizz
20:29You know what I mean?
20:31Solid
20:32Yeah
20:34It is, it's been a, a wild turn
20:40Sorry, Mom, I'm not Joan of Arc yet
20:44Um, Anna, I have to ask you about House Bunny
20:47Yes
20:48Because
20:49Thank you, thank you
20:50Uh, you made it a while back and you produced it yourself
20:54You pushed it through, you had this idea
20:57Oh boy, it was tough
20:58My original idea, uh, was, and I pitched this to the writers
21:03Um, I said, you know, I was thinking about a lower echelon playboy bunny
21:06And she's getting a little old for the mansion
21:09She hasn't landed a husband, she doesn't really have any skills
21:14What does she do with her life?
21:16So we pitched the movie 24 times
21:20And, um, the 24th time it sold to Adam Sandler
21:25And it was, uh, it felt like a big achievement
21:28Later on, I realised that, of course, he wants to go film at the Playboy Mansion
21:33Like, uh, but it was great
21:35It is now a cult hit, James
21:37I mean, people who are in their twenties, they're obsessed by it
21:40Talk to me about the creation of the demon voice, please
21:43Well
21:46Our director
21:48Came up to me on set and he said
21:50Why don't you try a funny voice when you repeat their names?
21:54So what came out was
21:57Claudia
21:59I can't do it for very long, but I can't do it as well as I used to be able
22:02to
22:02I'll have to work on that
22:03Could I take voice lessons with you?
22:05I mean, Rafe would be the guy
22:10Rafe, very nice
22:13It's an honour
22:15I'll warm up, I'll warm up back into it next time I'm on the show
22:19Okay
22:20How great
22:22Oh
22:24You could do, I mean, I wish, I'm gonna, I gotta get better at it
22:28At the very end of the show, can you, do you think you could say Moby Dick in that voice?
22:33I do
22:34Okay
22:35Good
22:35I do
22:36When can we see scary movie?
22:38Um, June 5th
22:42Thank you so much
22:45Um, please, Olivia, talk to us about House of the Dragons Series 3
22:50People loved the first two
22:52What transpires? What's Series 3 about?
22:56Well, I have accidentally put my son on the throne
23:01Oh
23:02He's sort of usurping the rightful heir, Rhaenyra, Targaryen
23:06You always had good judgement
23:07I did, but then, but then my husband, the king, he was on his deathbed
23:11And I thought I heard him say, oh, egg on, I'd like him to be on the throne
23:14But he was talking about something else
23:16Oh, no!
23:17He'd had too much milk at the poppy
23:18Oh, boy
23:22So, we're really, we're really facing the fallout from my mistake
23:27And we're coming to the season at the brink of civil war
23:31And I've parlayed my freedom for my son's head
23:38It's very dramatic, can we have a look, please?
23:41Yes
23:46Where were you?
23:51Alicent came to Dragonstone
23:53She will open the gates of the Red Keep
23:56And surrender to me
23:59You cannot trust her
24:02Soon or late
24:04Rhaenyra will send her new dragons here
24:06It would be the end
24:11My God!
24:12My God!
24:18Oh!
24:19Oh!
24:21Very dramatic, very dramatic, very dramatic
24:26It's so, yeah, all of it, you're like, oh!
24:30I feel like holding a sword
24:32Yeah
24:33I like the fact that you like to prank on set
24:36Yeah
24:36What do you do?
24:37Well, I did it once and then I was scared that I'd metooed myself
24:40So I then didn't do it again
24:43But I had to do a sex scene
24:47Where my scene partner was underneath my skirts
24:52You can imagine what was happening
24:53And...
24:54Domino's?
24:54Domino's, yes
24:56Tic-tac-toe
25:01Erm...
25:01And...
25:01And...
25:02Let's just keep saying games
25:03Yes, it's fine
25:05Drenga!
25:07Because you have to wear these, you know, these...
25:10Strap-ons
25:11These strap-ons
25:12We have to wear these strap-ons
25:14We have to wear these sort of, like, padded, sticky jock straps
25:17For, you know, obvious reasons
25:19And I said, can you make me the biggest, hairiest...
25:23Merkin
25:24And I want the colour to be fiery red to match my hair
25:29That's power
25:30And...
25:31It looks incredible
25:32It looks incredible
25:33And, you know, I stuck it on
25:34And...
25:35And the reaction that my...
25:37That my castmate had, Fabian
25:39Which I was a bit alarmed
25:41I was like, like
25:41Surely you've seen, like, hair pubes before
25:44Erm...
25:45But he leapt to the other side of the room
25:48And he was so...
25:50Shocked and...
25:51Disgusted
25:52And he thought it was real
25:53And I was like, oh no
25:54What have I done?
25:55What have I done?
25:56What have I done?
25:56I thought this was going to be funny
25:57But he was, like, I think he was really...
25:59Erm...
26:00Stricken with anxiety
26:01From...
26:02From...
26:03That...
26:03Experience
26:04Goods on you, man
26:05Bring back pubes
26:07Yeah!
26:07Bring them back
26:08I mean, they never left
26:09Yeah!
26:10My favourite thing in all of this is just Raves going
26:16Yeah...
26:16He's up for it
26:18Erm...
26:18You also in series one
26:20You're all getting to know each other
26:21You asked your cast members to smell you
26:25Yeah...
26:25Erm...
26:26Well...
26:27We're wearing these period costumes
26:29And they're very heavy
26:31And they're very...
26:32They're very pinched into the arms
26:34And in these scenes
26:36They've got all the fires on
26:37They've got all the incense burning
26:39All the candles are on
26:39And you are hot
26:41And I was going up to Paddy concert
26:42And being like
26:43Do I smell?
26:44Do I smell?
26:44Can you smell me?
26:45Do I smell horrible?
26:46And he was like, Olivia, stop!
26:47But you know when you just get really paranoid about it
26:48And you think that everyone can smell
26:50And so you have to address it
26:51Before anyone...
26:52Before anyone says it
26:53Yes!
26:54Or in their head
26:55Yeah!
26:55This is what I find with...
26:57You know like when you're doing erm...
26:58Like press or you know
26:59You're doing red carpet stuff
27:01And you're borrowing clothes
27:01And a stylist gets you outfits
27:03What you lot don't know
27:04Is they don't wash them in between
27:06So then you're on the red carpet
27:08And you're like
27:08Your new funk
27:10Is heating up the old funk
27:11And then you're just like
27:12Everyone's like
27:13You look like a million dollars
27:14You're like
27:14I smell like about 2B
27:15Like yeah
27:18Erm...
27:18Wraith
27:19Congratulations on the brilliant conclave
27:21I know it was a while back
27:22But yeah
27:23Such a beautiful film
27:26There's some heavy robes you're wearing
27:28Voldemort also
27:30No I did
27:31There was a gusset
27:31No in...
27:34Erm...
27:35It's my favourite word
27:37I had to wear tights as Voldemort
27:40Underneath the long flowing robes
27:42And the tight...
27:44They kept falling down
27:45So the gusset
27:46Would start somewhere here
27:48And then work its way down
27:50I couldn't walk as effortlessly as I had hoped
27:55And eventually I said
27:57Can you give me a garter belt?
27:58Can you give me suspenders?
28:01And they did
28:03And I used to enjoy teasing the stunt guys by raising my...
28:07LAUGHTER
28:09LAUGHTER
28:10LAUGHTER
28:15APPLAUSE
28:15Olivia, when can you see The Dragon?
28:18It comes out June on HBO Max
28:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:26Erm...
28:26It's a change of subject
28:27But if we don't discuss it
28:29Then what even
28:30Are we doing with our lives?
28:32Anna
28:32Er...
28:33You wrote a brilliant book
28:34Uh oh, I better get us some water
28:35Yes
28:36Called Unqualified
28:37Where you talk about the professions that one should avoid
28:40Yes
28:41In...
28:41In dating
28:42List some of the things we should not go near
28:45Number one
28:46Magician
28:46Correct
28:47You...
28:49Somebody who was tricking you
28:51I don't know
28:52They won't let you in on their secrets
28:54I had a point
28:55Also they're going to bore you rigid with a pack of cards
28:57LAUGHTER
28:58Like take my bra off
29:00I don't give a shit
29:01LAUGHTER
29:01Yeah
29:02Number two
29:04Athlete
29:04Professional athlete
29:06For the normal reasons
29:08Cheating and what not
29:08But also because
29:09LAUGHTER
29:11I think you're going to have to do some ego lifting
29:14Yeah
29:14You know
29:15Oh the rookie isn't that good
29:16Or
29:17And they're going to want a smoothie
29:18As soon as your knee gets better
29:20Yeah
29:21Yeah
29:21Number three
29:23Chef
29:24I do think
29:26It's an environment
29:27When I was waiting tables
29:28Where
29:29It felt like
29:30Anger
29:32Wasn't managed
29:33Was celebrated
29:34I don't think you can leave that mentality at work
29:37Yeah
29:38I think there's only one
29:40In the
29:41List of
29:42Professions
29:43You should date
29:44And what is that please
29:45That is
29:46A woodworker
29:47A canoe
29:48Somebody who makes canoes
29:50By the coast
29:51Cop
29:51Solitary
29:52He's sad
29:55He's sad
29:56He's sad
29:57He's been lonely
29:57And he's
29:58But he's carving that canoe
30:00And sanding it
30:01I imagine he's quite thorough
30:03Oh yeah
30:04Yes
30:05LAUGHTER
30:14Sorry
30:16You know what we've got an army of in the audience
30:18Woodworkers
30:19They're right there
30:19No
30:20No
30:21No
30:21No
30:21Gentlemen
30:21Oh
30:25Thank you
30:26They're amazing
30:27Woodworkers
30:29Thank you
30:30Woodworkers
30:30Woodworkers
30:31Quiet
30:32Quiet heroes
30:33Liam
30:35Liam
30:35I think you are the speaker of the woodworkers
30:39Is that right?
30:39I think so yeah
30:40OK
30:41Have you ever made a canoe?
30:44Yeah
30:44Uh
30:45And I'm very thorough
30:46Um
30:48LAUGHTER
30:49Oh
30:49Really
30:50Sanding and sanding
30:52Uh
30:52What do you think about as you're sanding?
30:56Yeah
30:56Do you think about love?
30:57All the time
30:58LAUGHTER
31:00For the rest of you, any professions you'd steer clear of?
31:04Actors
31:04LAUGHTER
31:06Olivia
31:06I think if you own or created an app
31:09I think it's...
31:11What about the man who created Wordle for his girlfriend?
31:14It's so romantic
31:14Oh I didn't know that story
31:15OK, not him
31:16But all the other ones
31:18You don't want an app created
31:19All the ones that are coming to mind
31:23Do you know what I keep on thinking where you're like
31:25A woodworker but he's got to have like a story
31:27I'm like, you need to read the Bible
31:29LAUGHTER
31:31Your mind's going to be blown
31:33I do
31:34Yeah
31:35I do
31:36You're going to be well into that
31:38I don't have any big things that I'm like
31:41I'm more like
31:42As long as you're holding on to like one marble
31:45I'll probably bang ya
31:46You know what I mean?
31:48But I do
31:48I do
31:49I do have a big no-no for me
31:52Is anyone who's been to Burning Man
31:53This festival
31:54You know this festival in the desert
31:56And they're like
31:57Oh, you don't need money
31:58We just uh
31:58It's a bartering system
32:00And you're like
32:00Didn't you just get a helicopter in?
32:02Like what do you mean you don't need money?
32:03And like I'm always like
32:04I don't plan
32:05I'll probably end up having to like
32:06I don't know
32:06Give out a wristy for an egg sandwich
32:08But it's not
32:09But but but but but but
32:10But but but beside that
32:11Beside that there's something about Burning Man
32:13Especially if you're on the dating apps
32:15And you see like these guys
32:17That are at Burning Man
32:18And they all sort of like
32:19Look like they're dressed up like it's Mad Max
32:21And they're super cool
32:22And I just want to get my fanny
32:23And just chuck it in a bin
32:24I'm like
32:25It's disgusting
32:27Michelle
32:27You were a highly successful model
32:30Gucci
32:30All of them
32:31You said it was great fun
32:32You were in New York
32:34Yeah
32:34And you're still friends with all of them
32:36Yeah
32:36Yeah we're still friends
32:37And also like
32:38We sort of shared something
32:40That's like very unique
32:41And although modeling is
32:43Especially at that time
32:44The early noughties
32:45You had to look a certain way
32:46But something that's kind of amazing about it
32:49Is that if
32:50As long as you looked
32:51That certain way
32:52Anyone could do it
32:53So I was friends with people
32:54From all different backgrounds
32:55I probably would never have met
32:57And we all had in common
32:58The fact that we were gorgeous
33:01So it's amazing
33:02From that like
33:03Wild time in your life
33:05Yeah that that wild time
33:06Of getting paid loads of money
33:07And and peak starvation
33:09Yeah
33:10There was a mishap I believe
33:12With Anna Wintour
33:13Oh yeah
33:14Yeah
33:14There's so many man
33:16So many
33:16But one in particular
33:17I was doing like a cruise show
33:20Or I think that's what they call it
33:22It was like a cruise
33:23In between
33:23Yeah yeah yeah
33:24Exactly
33:25Yeah you know
33:25No I don't
33:26Yeah you do
33:29So anyway
33:30I was doing this cruise show
33:31And I walked down the runway
33:32And I'm wearing this like
33:34G-string sort of
33:35Swimming costume
33:36And everyone's like
33:38Oh
33:38And I thought
33:39Yeah that's right bitches
33:40Yeah
33:40That is right
33:42You can see it
33:43And then I come backstage
33:44And the dresser starts
33:46Sort of pulling at the gusset
33:47Your favourite word
33:48The gusset
33:49My necklace keeps going
33:50Tampon doubles up
33:51Get your fingers out of my crotch
33:53And then I looked down
33:54And I'd done the whole runway
33:55And back
33:56With a tampon string hanging out
33:58Oh
33:59And that would never happen now
34:00Because I don't have that kind of fire gap
34:02But it was
34:02It was
34:05It was
34:05It was
34:06It was peak fashion
34:06How did
34:07Or when did the stand-up happen?
34:09Because I believe
34:10You were living in New York
34:11And you started to stand up
34:12When you were still modelling
34:13Yeah
34:13Yeah I start
34:14I mean when did it happen?
34:15I was doing stand-up
34:17For years before it happened
34:19Per se
34:19You know you sort of
34:20You try these things
34:22And you think you're doing well
34:23But the reality is
34:25You're not that great
34:26In the beginning
34:27And stand-up's just one of them things
34:29The only way you can get good at it
34:30Is to be shit
34:33Yeah sorry
34:34That's probably not the story you want
34:35No I like it
34:36No I love it
34:38I was just terrible for a long time
34:40But you kept at it
34:41So you can't
34:41Yeah yeah yeah
34:41No I'm good at it
34:43No you're brilliant at it
34:44But also
34:45You wouldn't have been
34:46As bad as you're saying now
34:48Otherwise you wouldn't have
34:49Continuously
34:50Yeah well you know what
34:51Yeah exactly
34:51And also it's just like
34:52I think now
34:53In the
34:54Where we live in a time
34:56Where everyone's trying to like
34:57Monetise a talent really quickly
34:59There's something really beautiful
35:01About stand-up comedy
35:02As an art form
35:03Because you have to do it
35:04In front of people
35:05And you can write all you want
35:07But you can't just write an hour show
35:08You have to go and try it out
35:10And so you know
35:11You have to make peace
35:12With this ego death
35:14That is going to happen
35:15On a daily basis
35:16And it's
35:18It's you know
35:18It's definitely life affirming
35:20You know you do one gig
35:21And you're like
35:22I'll crush that
35:22And then the next day
35:24You're like
35:25Wow I should probably
35:26Look into woodworking
35:28Or something
35:28You know what I mean
35:30I mean
35:31Talk to me about your show
35:32That you're doing now
35:33It's sold out
35:34Rave reviews
35:36Yeah
35:36It's called The Afters
35:38And yeah
35:39I finish in May
35:40I think I put on some extra dates though
35:42Please
35:43But it is
35:43I always kind of
35:44I wanted to call this show The Afters
35:45Because I sort of feel like
35:47You know people say
35:48Your life is like seasons
35:49But me being
35:50You know
35:51An ex-party girl
35:52I like to think of your life as a night out
35:54And I think at 45
35:55Which is what I am now
35:56I think
35:57Yeah
35:58I know
36:07Please do not clap
36:08This is nothing's natural about
36:10This is sorcery
36:11This is
36:12No doctor
36:13This is under a full moon
36:14A five pointed star in the garden
36:16Like this is
36:17I haven't frowned since like 2007
36:20So
36:21Yeah I'm like
36:22Yeah clap it up
36:23I'll give you the number to my doctor
36:24But anyway
36:25But
36:26But
36:26So I do
36:27I do think that
36:28You know if I think of life as a night out
36:30I feel like 45
36:32You just got to the afters
36:33Do you know what I mean?
36:34Well I think the best part of a night out is the debrief and the afters
36:38Exactly
36:39Are you finding that in life?
36:41Exactly
36:41Yeah, yeah
36:42The forties have been my favourite decade so far
36:45Definitely
36:46The forties as a woman is
36:48Yeah
36:49Chef's kiss
36:50You know like
36:51You go through a little bit in the beginning where you're like
36:53Your hormones start really going out of whack
36:55And you like look at the landscape of your mates
36:57And you're like wow we're all tapped
36:58And then
36:59You know like
37:00You know what I mean?
37:01You're like this is like the opening of a Michael Jackson thriller video
37:04You look at all your mates are a bit like
37:06You want some? You want some?
37:07Yeah I'm alright
37:07Yeah we go brunch
37:08Yeah let's go brunch
37:09And you're like
37:10You sort of think wow we're really not being ourselves right now
37:13And then
37:14And then you start you know chatting to each other about like
37:17What you want?
37:18Are you on the source?
37:18See I'm on HRT is it?
37:20Oh what else you want?
37:21Have you tried pedestrian?
37:22Do you know that you can get you know sort of
37:25Now it's hard in the shell
37:26Yeah
37:27And then once you get that
37:29Nicely balanced
37:30And then you're making money and that
37:32It's fucking unstoppable
37:33Let me
37:35Let me
37:36Let me ask you this
37:37Because I also
37:38I read which I loved
37:39Is you go off
37:40You're this supermodel
37:41You're in New York
37:42You start stand up
37:43And then you've come back
37:45And you're living in the same street
37:47That you were
37:48That you grew up on
37:49I like the fact that you've come home
37:50Yeah I know
37:51I've ended up buying a place on the same road
37:53Which is funny because when I left
37:55I left arrogant
37:57Like I was like
37:57See you later
37:58I'm never coming back
38:00You lot
38:01Do you know what I mean?
38:02I was just like
38:03Bye
38:03And then you're like you know
38:05Gentrification happens
38:06And you're like
38:06Hold on
38:06Is there brunch and polite?
38:08How am I going to be able to afford to
38:10Are people serving beans in ramekins?
38:13Shit
38:13This is going to
38:14It's going to take me a while
38:15So yeah now I'm finally back where I started
38:17And the amount of jokes I've had to tell
38:20To be able to make enough money
38:21To afford to move back there
38:23Is
38:25Mine's how
38:28You know what I mean?
38:29Thank you
38:29Um
38:31We are nearly at the end of the show
38:34But we do this lovely thing
38:36Where people from the audience can add something
38:39Or they can ask a question
38:41We are not qualified
38:42But if anybody has a question is that okay?
38:45Of course
38:45Yeah
38:46Anyone got any questions?
38:47I want a bit
38:48Oh I like it
38:49Already hands
38:50Yes please
38:51Um hi
38:52Um I was just wondering
38:53Should I schedule a nap for my wedding day?
38:57It's a very good question
39:06But are you doing one of those
39:08So they're getting married at 12 then a drinks at 5
39:11No you've got to squish it all in
39:13Get married at 8
39:14Dinner at 9
39:15Night night
39:18Great
39:18Should we do that?
39:20I'll just rearrange it all
39:22Congratulations
39:24I feel bad
39:25It's going to be an amazing 24 hour a-thon
39:27Michelle would you suggest a nap?
39:29I don't
39:30As someone who's married and divorced
39:31I don't think you want too much time to contemplate anything
39:34Have a lovely life
39:37Thank you
39:38Thank you
39:42Anybody else please?
39:43Yes of course
39:44Hi
39:45Hi
39:46How do you leave a first date early if you know you don't instantly like them?
39:49I tend to overcompensate but I don't want to do that anymore
39:53No up and out
39:54Yeah
39:55Also I've been on dates where they've gone really badly and I've just turned around to the person
40:01And being like
40:02Should we stop?
40:03And they're always
40:04And they're like
40:05Yes
40:06Yeah
40:07The feeling's mutual
40:08If you're in a situation where you're like I don't think this is going well
40:11You best believe the other person's like this ain't it
40:14And then you can just give each other your time back
40:18Do you know what I mean?
40:20Yeah
40:20Do you take a shot before or?
40:22Well the thing is then you might end up enjoying yourself more than
40:25Yeah
40:26I mean then like
40:27Yeah so I would just be like this is not it right?
40:31Yeah
40:31Shall we go?
40:33Thank you
40:34Yeah
40:35Maybe someone's got something better to
40:37No I agree because when I've been single in the past
40:41I thought it's always led to a sympathy snog and I've never wanted to do it
40:44But I've just been like I don't know how to end the dates
40:45I'm like
40:46Here we go
40:46There it is
40:54One more
40:55My question is
40:58What do you think is the meaning of life?
41:08I like it
41:10I...err...I'm surprised by it and let's run with it
41:14Rafe
41:26um
41:36Good friendships enjoyment of food um acceptance of death
41:44be cool about death be cool about death yeah that's it wow that's really good thank you so much
41:57we're gonna end the show i feel bad to do this but would you just do the magic
42:02of demon voice moby dick and then my work is done
42:13that is it we are off to play back down and i'd like to thank my brilliant guests michelle
42:20the swap
42:22olivia
42:25arna faris
42:27and ray fine thank you so much for watching good night
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