00:01you can be angry at yourself for still loving people who disappointed you that
00:08is a real kind of pain it's not just the pain of what they did it's the pain of
00:16looking at your own heart and thinking why do I still care why does this still
00:23hurt why is there still loving me after everything they put me through you wanted
00:31your heart to shut down you wanted the disappointment to kill the attachment you
00:37wanted the betrayal to make you colder but it did not and now part of the vat the
00:45battle is not even with them anymore it's with yourself you know some of you
00:52know exactly what this feels like you're not only wounded by what happened
00:57you're frustrated that you still feel anything at all you're tired of remembering
01:03you're tired of caring you're tired of having a heart that does not turn off
01:09when your mind says it should you wanted to be over it by now you wanted to be
01:17stronger by now you wanted to stop loving people who did not love you well but there
01:25is still something in you that remembers what you hoped for what you gave and what
01:32you thought it could be hear me clearly the fact that you still care does not mean you
01:40are weak the fact that you still love does not mean you are foolish it means pain did not fully
01:49turn you
01:49into stone it means disappointment did not completely poison your heart and in a cold world that is not
01:59something to be ashamed of that is something to protect do not let pain convince you that
02:07tenderness is stupidity do not let betrayal teach you to hate the best part of yourself
02:16but let me tell you something else that matters just as much loving someone does not mean trusting them again
02:26caring about someone does not mean giving them access to your life missing someone does not mean they belong near
02:36your peace
02:37some of you have confused love with permission you are you are thinking that if the feeling is still there
02:48then the door has to stay open it does not you can love and still say no you can forgive
02:57and still walk away
02:59you can wish them well and still refuse to let them keep wounding you you remember jesus loved deeply
03:09but jesus also set boundaries he cared for people but he did not hand himself over to everyone
03:18one he healed taught served and showed compassion and he still stepped away from the crowds he still withdrew he
03:30still stayed anchored in the father instead of in people's approval consistency or
03:37understanding and that means your goal is not to stop loving your goal is to love without losing yourself
03:47you know a lot of anger you feel is not because love is still there
03:53it's because your love was not handled with care that is what cuts so deep
04:01you brought honesty and they brought confusion you brought loyalty and they brought carelessness
04:10you brought sincerity and they treated your heart like something casual that hurts because
04:19it makes you question yourself it makes you wonder if your love was a mistake it makes you think you
04:27should have been harder quicker to shut down quicker to leave quicker to stop caring
04:37but your love was not the mistake their failure to honor it was the mistake your tenderness
04:47was not the problem their lack of character was the problem do not punish yourself for someone else's
04:56inability to value what was sacred do not stand over your own wounded heart and speak to it like it
05:05is the
05:05enemy your heart may need healing your heart may need wisdom your heart may need stronger boundaries
05:16but your heart is not your enemy the enemy would love to twist this pain into self-hatred he would
05:25love for
05:26you to become ashamed of caring he would love for you to decide that the only safe heart is a
05:34dead one
05:36he would love for you to say i will never open up again i will never love deeply again i
05:44will never let anybody close again
05:47in because if pain can harden you then pain has started reshaping you and that is why some of you
05:57have been asking
05:57god to make you numb when what you really need is for god to make you wise numb is not
06:07healed numb is shut down
06:10numb feels powerful for a little while because it keeps pain from getting in but it also keeps joy out
06:19it keeps peace out it keeps healthy love out god did not create you to survive by becoming emotionally dead
06:31he wants to make you stronger than that he wants to teach you how to carry a soft heart
06:38with a guarded gate he wants to teach you how to care without collapsing and teach you how to love
06:47without bleeding for the wrong people forever so what do you do when you're angry at yourself for
06:56still loving people who disappointed you first stop calling your heart weak stop saying you are stupid
07:06because you care deeply stop treating your tenderness like a defect there is enough cruelty in the world
07:15already do not add your own voice to it by becoming cruel to yourself love yourself second
07:26bring the truth of it to god not the cleaned up version the real version lord
07:35i am hurt and lord i'm disappointed lord i am angry that i still care lord i do not know
07:45what to do with the love
07:47that is still in me that's an honest prayer and god can do a lot with honest prayer he already
07:57sees the
07:57ache you cannot explain he already sees the people your mind goes back to he already sees the frustration
08:06the grief the grief and the confusion and he knows how to heal what you do not know how to
08:15carry
08:18third let god change the way you carry that love maybe you cannot make it disappear overnight
08:25maybe that is not even the assignment maybe that is not even the assignment maybe the assignment
08:32is to stop carrying it as permission stop carrying it as false hope stop carrying it as a reason to
08:41reopen
08:42every wound put that person in god's hands let the love become prayer instead of attachment
08:52let the memory become surrender instead of bondage let the ache become something god can heal
09:01instead of something you keep feeding and let this truth settle deep in your spirit
09:10you do not prove your goodness by staying available to be broken
09:20you do not prove your love by letting people keep disrespecting your peace
09:29you do not prove your loyalty by standing in places that are destroying you
09:37some of you have confused suffering with faithfulness but faithfulness to god does not mean
09:44faithlessness to your own soul god is not asking you to keep offering your heart to people who keep
09:53mishandling it he's asking you to walk in truth
10:01jesus knows what it feels like to love people who disappoint you
10:05he loved disciples who doubted him misunderstood him fell asleep on him and ran when things got hard
10:17he loved peter even knowing peter would deny him i want you to think about that jesus was not blind
10:26he saw clearly he knew exactly who people were and still he loved but he never let other people's instability
10:38defined to define his identity he stayed rooted in the father and that is the pattern we see time and
10:49time
10:49again love deeply but stay rooted higher care deeply but do not let broken people become your center
11:01and maybe the wrong thing has been dying in you maybe you've been trying to kill the love when what
11:09needs to
11:10die is the lie that you must keep bleeding to prove you cared you do not you can care and
11:20still close the door
11:23you can forgive and still move on you can love and still stop reaching for what keeps cutting you
11:31that is not bitterness that is wisdom and that is healing and growth so today stop attacking yourself
11:43because your heart still feels stop asking god to make you cold ask him to make you clear ask him
11:52to make
11:53you wise ask him to protect what is good in you without letting it be misused again
12:01ask him to teach you how to release people without becoming hard
12:08and on the day when you feel angry at yourself for still loving people who disappointed you
12:15remember this it is better to be a healed person with a soft heart than a wounded person pretending
12:23hardness is strength it is better to let god refine your love than to let pain erase it it is
12:32better to become
12:33wiser than colder you may still love them and that may be true but you do not have to keep
12:43breaking over it
12:44you do not have to keep reopening the wound you do not have to keep punishing yourself for having a
12:51heart
12:53let god teach you how to love without losing yourself let him teach you how to forgive without forgetting wisdom
13:01let him teach you how to keep your heart tender toward him while becoming much stronger
13:10about who gets access to it and that is not weakness that is healing and for somebody listening today
13:20that may be the very thing your soul needed to hear
13:27my name is douglas vandergraaf and i believe in jesus christ
13:33god bless you my friends god bless every single one of you everyone
13:45bye bye
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