00:00You know, as this one was being written, I went through a whole rotation of people who still seem to
00:09be living in my mind rent-free.
00:11And I think some of you are trying to forgive somebody who can still change your whole mood just by
00:18crossing your mind.
00:19You know, you have not forgotten what they said.
00:23You have not forgotten what they did.
00:25You still feel it in your chest, and you still hear it in your head.
00:31Part of you wants peace, but another part of you is still sitting there saying,
00:37How am I supposed to forgive this when it still hurts this much?
00:42And you know what? That is real.
00:46I feel that quite often, and I want to start there today because you know what?
00:51But when somebody betrays you, rejects you, disrespects you, abandons you, lies to you, uses you, or lets you down
01:03when you needed them most,
01:04that does not just leave a thought behind.
01:08It leaves a wound.
01:10And it gets into your confidence.
01:13It gets into your sleep.
01:14It gets into the way you look at people, and sometimes it even gets into the way you pray.
01:23You know, when people tell you, just forgive and move on, it can feel almost insulting because you're thinking, move
01:32on to what?
01:33I'm still bleeding from it.
01:35And maybe that's where you are right now.
01:40Maybe you know forgiveness matters because it does.
01:44And maybe you know God is calling you toward it, because He always is.
01:50And maybe deep down you don't even want to stay bitter.
01:54You're just tired of hearing forgiveness talked about like it's some easy button, you know.
02:00It's an easy button you push when your heart is still sitting in the wreckage of what happened.
02:06And real forgiveness is not shallow like that.
02:11You see, real forgiveness is not calling evil good.
02:15It is not saying the betrayal was small.
02:19It is not pretending trust should just come right back.
02:23It's not acting like the wound never happened.
02:28And it is not letting somebody keep hurting you with a Bible verse covering the damage.
02:35You'll hear people say, oh, Jesus said turn the other cheek.
02:39Show me a circumstance where Jesus was slapped down and He stayed in that town.
02:45Jesus would move on.
02:48He would forgive, but move on.
02:51You know, sometimes the reason people struggle to forgive is because they think forgiveness means having to deny the truth.
03:00They think it means having to act healed when they're not healed.
03:06They think it means they have to welcome back the same person with the same access after the same destruction.
03:14And that is not what forgiveness is.
03:20Forgiveness is deeper than that.
03:23And in some ways, it's harder than that.
03:26You see, forgiveness is when you stop handing your peace over to the person who hurt you.
03:32It's when you tell the truth about what happened and still decide that their sin will not become the thing
03:40that poisoned your whole heart for the rest of your life.
03:44It's when you look at the pain honestly and say, what you did mattered.
03:51It hurt me.
03:53It changed something in me.
03:56But I will not spend the rest of my years chained to your offense.
04:00And you know what?
04:02That is not weakness.
04:04That is strength.
04:06Because bitterness will feel powerful for a moment.
04:10And it will feel like protection.
04:13But after a while, you're going to start noticing that it's not just protecting you from them.
04:19It starts closing you off from joy.
04:23It starts hardening your spirit.
04:25It is making every new person pay for what the old person did.
04:31And that can be exhausting.
04:35You see, a bitter heart does not just remember pain.
04:39It starts living from it.
04:41And that is why forgiveness matters so much.
04:46Not because what happened was okay, but because your heart is too valuable to let somebody else's sin keep living
04:55inside of it.
04:57There are people listening to this right now, I believe, who are carrying conversations that ended a long time ago.
05:05You know, you're arguing with them in your mind still.
05:10You're still replaying the moment.
05:12You're still wishing they would finally understand what they did to you.
05:17You're still hoping they will come back with the apology that makes it all make sense.
05:25Sometimes they never do.
05:28And sometimes when we lose people in our lives, it's not always a loss.
05:34Because sometimes the apology never comes.
05:38Sometimes the explanation never comes.
05:41And sometimes the person who broke something in you goes on acting like they did nothing wrong.
05:48And that is one of the hardest parts.
06:01Because now it's no longer about whether they deserve release from your anger.
06:06A lot of the time, it feels like they don't.
06:11Now it becomes about whether you're willing to place the whole thing into God's hands
06:15instead of trying to carry it forever by yourself.
06:20That does not happen in one dramatic moment for everybody.
06:26It hasn't always happened for me in that way.
06:29And sometimes, even for me, forgiveness is not one prayer.
06:35Sometimes it's a decision you make again and again when the hurt keeps coming back up.
06:41You may forgive today and still feel hurt tomorrow.
06:45That does not mean you failed.
06:47It means your healing has layers.
06:51And that's okay because it's human.
06:55You may release somebody in prayer and still feel the sting when their name comes up next week.
07:01That does not mean you were fake.
07:04It means the wound was real.
07:07And some of you need to hear this clearly.
07:12Forgiveness and trust?
07:14Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing.
07:18You can forgive somebody and still need distance.
07:22You can forgive somebody and still set boundaries.
07:27You can forgive somebody and still be wise.
07:32You can forgive somebody and still say,
07:35You do not get the same access to me anymore.
07:43God did not ask you to become foolish in the name of being loving.
07:49What he does ask is that you stop letting pain become your identity.
07:55Because pain will talk to you if you let it.
08:00It will tell you to stay guarded.
08:03It will tell you that everybody leaves.
08:07It will tell you nobody can be trusted.
08:10And it will tell you the safest life is the smallest one.
08:14It will tell you to keep your heart closed because an open heart is a dangerous heart.
08:20But God, our God heals open things.
08:25Not fake things and not hidden things.
08:28Open things.
08:30That means you have to come to him honest.
08:33Not polished.
08:34Not religious.
08:36Honest.
08:37Say to him,
08:39God, I know I need to forgive but I'm still angry.
08:44Or,
08:46God, I am still hurt.
08:49God, part of me does not want to let this go.
08:53Or, God, I need your help because this is bigger than my willpower.
08:59And that kind of prayer is real.
09:02That kind of prayer opens the door for God to do something deeper than behavior management.
09:08He starts healing the part of you that bled.
09:12And when that healing starts,
09:14Forgiveness becomes less about forcing a good attitude and more about freedom.
09:20You begin to realize that letting go is not losing.
09:25It's breathing again.
09:27It's sleeping without replaying the old scene.
09:31It's getting your emotional life back.
09:34It's smiling again without feeling guilty.
09:37It's walking with God without dragging chains behind you.
09:42And the truth is,
09:44Some of you have been waiting for the pain to disappear before you forgive.
09:49But sometimes,
09:51Forgiveness is part of how the pain starts losing its grip.
09:55Not all at once and not magically.
10:01You stop feeding the wound with constant rehearsals of what happened.
10:06You stop building your future around one person's failure.
10:10You stop turning one chapter into the whole story of your life.
10:16And little by little,
10:18The thing that once owned your thoughts starts losing ground.
10:23And that's what God wants for you.
10:27He does not want you trapped in what they did.
10:30He does not want your heart stuck in the moment you were betrayed.
10:35He does not want your future controlled by your deepest disappointment.
10:40He wants to heal you so deeply that even though you remember what happened,
10:46It no longer has the right to rule you.
10:51So, friends,
10:53If you are still hurt,
10:55Start there.
10:57Be honest about it.
10:59Stop pretending you're over something that still cuts you.
11:03Bring the real wound to God and tell the truth about it.
11:08Then make the brave decision to release the debt,
11:12Even while the healing is still happening.
11:16Not because they earned it.
11:19Because you need peace.
11:21Because your heart matters.
11:25Because bitterness is too expensive.
11:28And because God has more for you than carrying this forever.
11:37It's okay to say,
11:40What happened to me was real.
11:42But it will not be the thing that owns me.
11:47And when you say that,
11:49That is freedom.
11:52That is strength.
11:54And that is the beginning of peace.
11:56So, today,
11:59Or whenever you hear this,
12:02Maybe your prayer is simple.
12:05God,
12:07I am still hurt.
12:09But I do not want to stay here.
12:13Help me forgive.
12:15Help me release this.
12:18Heal what still aches in me.
12:21Carry what I cannot carry anymore.
12:25And you know what?
12:27He will meet you there.
12:30Not in fake peace,
12:31But in real healing.
12:35You do not have to deny the wound
12:37To let God start healing it.
12:40You just have to stop worshipping the pain
12:43And start handing it over.
12:46Let him hold what hurt you.
12:49Let him deal what you cannot fix.
12:54Let him protect what is still tender in you.
12:59And let yourself walk forward lighter.
13:03Because forgiveness does not mean
13:05The whole story does not matter.
13:08It means the story does not get to be
13:10Your prison anymore.
13:12And when you finally let that weight go,
13:15Even with tears still in your eyes,
13:19You are going to feel something holy
13:21Happen inside you.
13:23Your chest is going to loosen.
13:25Your spirit is going to breathe.
13:27Your future is going to open.
13:30And your heart is going to remember
13:32That God is still able to bring peace
13:35Into places that once felt impossible.
13:39That's where healing begins.
13:42That's where freedom starts.
13:45And that is where you're going to find out
13:47That even after deep hurt,
13:51God can still make your heart whole again.
13:56My name is Douglas Vandergraaf,
13:59And I believe in Jesus Christ.
14:02God bless every single one of you.
14:05Every single one.
14:09Bye-bye.
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