00:01why the Lord made the drinking man maybe the Lord made the drinking man because
00:08some men do not break open through comfort some men do not come to the
00:14truth while life is still neat some men do not fall to their knees until they
00:21have watched their own strength fail them enough times that they cannot
00:25pretend anymore not because God loved the bottle not because God wanted the
00:33wreckage but because even there in the place a man is most ashamed of grace can
00:41still find him there is a kind of pain that lives inside of an alcoholic that
00:48other people do not always see they see the drinking they see the damage
00:55they see the promises that were made and broken they see the nights that ended
01:01badly and the mornings that began with regret but they do not always see the
01:08war they do not always see the man lying awake with dread in his chest they do not
01:15always see the self-hatred they do not always see the private fear that says I
01:22I do not know if I can trust myself anymore that's a terrible thing for a man
01:32to feel to look at your own hands and not trust them to hear your own words and not
01:40believe them to love people and still keep hurting them to want peace and keep
01:48reaching for the very thing that destroys it to tell yourself in the dark that
01:54tomorrow tomorrow will be different then feel your whole body turn against that
02:02promise before the day is even done that kind of suffering is hard to explain to
02:10people who have never been there it's not just about a drink it's about the ache
02:18underneath the drink it's about the wound underneath the habit it's about the
02:24part of a man that got tired of carrying life and started begging for escape now
02:32some men drink because they want to celebrate and some men drink because they do not
02:38want to feel some men drink because silence is too loud and some men drink because memory
02:47follows them like a shadow some men drink because they have been disappointed so many
02:54times that numbness begins to feel like mercy but the bottle is never mercy it only borrows
03:04your pain for an hour and returns it with interest it does not heal the wound it deepens it it
03:14does not
03:14carry the man it slowly buries him that is why alcoholism is so cruel it does not just attack the
03:26body it attacks
03:28it attacks dignity it attacks trust it attacks identity it makes a man feel divided against himself one part of
03:38him still wants to live clean one part of him still loves his family one part of him still wants
03:47to tell the truth one part of him is so tired that he would trade everything for one more hour
03:55of not feeling like this that war wears a man down it wears him down until shame starts talking louder
04:06than hope and shame is a liar shame says this is who you are now shame says you have failed
04:15too many times shame says God is tired of hearing from you shame says people you hurt
04:25would be better off if you disappeared shame says there is no point in trying again because you will only
04:33fall again shame says one more drink is easier than one more honest day but shame has never once tried
04:45to save anybody shame only wants a man hidden it wants him alone it wants him silent
04:54it wants him convinced that he is the one soul mercy has decided to pass by that is not the
05:05voice of God the voice of God does not tell broken men to disappear the voice of God calls them
05:14back the voice of God does not say clean yourself up and then
05:19come speak to me come speak to me come speak to me come unto me the voice of God does
05:27not run from the ashamed it walks toward them Jesus Christ spent his time moving toward the people the people
05:37everybody else had already judged already dismissed already talked about in whispers he was not frightened by human wreckage
05:49he was drawn to it he was drawn to it and that means he is not frightened by yours if
05:57you are an alcoholic hear that slowly Christ is not frightened by your wreckage he is not shocked by your
06:08relapse he is not confused by your weakness he is not
06:13standing at a distance waiting for you to impress him he knows what this has taken from you he knows
06:22what it has cost your family he knows the loneliness he knows the secrecy he knows the fear of another
06:31night he knows the look on your face when you realize you did it again and still he says come
06:42to me
06:45that is why the drinking man is not beyond redemption in some ways he may be closer to understanding grace
06:54than the proud man ever was because the proud man still believes he can save himself the drinking man if
07:04he tells the truth knows he cannot
07:08he knows his strength he knows his strength has limits he knows his will can crack he knows what it
07:16is to reach the end of himself and the end of yourself is often where surrender begins that is where
07:27recovery becomes holy ground there is something sacred about a man finally saying i cannot do this alone
07:38there is something sacred about the moment denial dies there is something sacred about a man walking into a room
07:47and telling the truth about himself when every part of his pride wants to run that is not weakness that
07:58is courage that is not failure that is the first real step out of it a broken confession is sometimes
08:07more beautiful the heaven than a polished performance ever could be maybe that is the part of why the lord
08:18made the drinking man maybe he knew there would be men who would only discover real humility after they had
08:26watched pride fail them maybe he knew there would be men who would only understand surrender
08:34after control after control after control after control had slipped through their fingers enough times
08:38maybe he knew there would be men who after enough nights of self-destruction would one day become living proof
08:48that grace can still rebuild what addiction tried to erase because that is what redemption is it's not pretending the
08:59past did not happen it's not calling evil
09:03good it's not dressing up addiction in pretty language addiction destroys things it breaks homes it scares children it wounds
09:17trust it empties the eyes of good men there is nothing noble about slavery but there is something beautiful about
09:29rescue
09:30there is something beautiful about a man who should have died inside
09:36that darkness did not take from there is something beautiful about a man who still gets up and walks into
09:44another day because some part of them has not quit crying out for freedom there is something beautiful about a
09:53man who no longer stands on his pride but on mercy
09:59there is something beautiful about a sober sunrise when you know full well you did not get there by
10:08your own brilliance you got there because God kept breathing life into you when you were still trying
10:16to throw it away and maybe today that is the deepest truth that you need to hear
10:24you are not alive by accident God did not let you survive this long so shame could have
10:34the last word God did not keep your heart beating so you could die believing you were beyond repair
10:43God did not bring you through all those nights so you could stand here now and call yourself
10:50hopeless there is still breath in you and that means there is still an invitation in front of you
11:00maybe today is not about fixing your whole life maybe today is about telling the truth
11:08maybe today is about one prayer that finally comes from the deepest part of you
11:14maybe today is about saying Lord I am scared of what I've become maybe today is about saying Lord
11:26I do not know how to carry this anymore maybe today is about saying Lord keep me from the first
11:35drink
11:37maybe today is about making the call you have been avoiding maybe today is about walking into the
11:43room you were ashamed to enter maybe today is about putting honesty above image for
11:51the first time in a long time do not despise this moment it may feel small it is not small
12:01of life can
12:03turn on a single honest moment a future can begin with a whisper a man can start coming back to
12:11life before
12:12anyone around him sees the change the world likes loud transformations God often works in quiet
12:22ones a phone call a prayer through tears a confession a meeting a trembling note of the first drink a
12:35man
12:36sitting in his car trying not to go where he always goes a broken voice saying help me these things
12:45may not
12:46look impressive but heaven knows better heaven knows that resurrections do not always begin with trumpets
12:54sometimes they begin when a man who has lied for years finally tells the truth
13:05so why did the Lord make the drinking man not for the bottle not for the fall not for the
13:14shame
13:15maybe he made the drinking man because even that man could become a testimony maybe he made a man who
13:24would
13:24one day know the full weight of his need for God maybe he made a man who would stop trusting
13:31poison and
13:33start reaching for mercy maybe he made a man whose deepest wound would become the place where compassion was born
13:43maybe he made a man who after enough darkness would recognize the light in a way others never could
13:54and if you are that man listen to me now you are not just the broken promises you are not
14:05just the slurred nights
14:08you are not just the fear in your family's eyes you are not just the years you lost you are
14:17a human soul
14:19still made in the image of God and that image is bruised but not erased there is still something holy
14:30worth
14:30fighting for inside you there is still a man in there worth rescuing there is still a future that shame
14:39has lied to you about do not give the bottle the final word over over your life because God is
14:49speaking to you
14:50let tonight be the night you stop calling your home your grave let tonight be the night you stop mistaking
15:00numbness
15:00for peace let tonight be the night you admit that what has been killing you cannot be your comfort anymore
15:10let tonight be the night your you hand God the part of you that has become afraid of itself
15:19and if all you can pray is one line then pray this with everything in you
15:29Lord do not let me die this way that prayer is not weakness that prayer is a doorway that prayer
15:40is the sound of a man who is not given up yet
15:45that prayer is where grace begins to move and maybe that is why the Lord made the drinking man
15:56so that one day after all the wreckage after all the lies after all the nights that nearly swallowed him
16:05whole
16:05he could become the man who finally knows I was not saved by my strength
16:15I was saved by the mercy of God
16:21my name is Douglas van der Graaff and I believe in Jesus Christ
16:26and I believe in the hope that Jesus Christ promised for you
16:33God bless you my friends
16:36every single one of you
16:41bye
16:42bye
16:44bye
16:44bye
16:44bye
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