00:14Now, I remember a lot of stories from back in the days before I met your mother.
00:18But there's one story I don't remember.
00:20Uncle Marshall still refers to it as the pineapple incident.
00:24The night started like any other.
00:26We were downstairs at the bar.
00:28On the house.
00:29Whoa.
00:30It's my own concoction.
00:31I call it the red dragon.
00:33Wow.
00:34Thanks, Carl.
00:35Really sweet.
00:36We're not really doing shots, are we?
00:37Not in the airs.
00:39Ugh, these look kind of like blood.
00:42Okay, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before.
00:45But is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?
00:48That's ridiculous.
00:50No, you guys, I'm serious.
00:51Think about it.
00:52He always wears black.
00:53We never see him in the daylight.
00:54Only after dark.
00:55Oh, my God.
00:56That does describe a vampire.
00:58Or, you know, a bartender.
01:02Well, I should go get dressed.
01:04Where you going, buddy?
01:05Hot date?
01:05Oh, I'll say.
01:06She's going out with a billionaire.
01:08Lily, I told you not to call him that.
01:10Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire?
01:12He's not a billionaire.
01:13He's a hundred millionaire.
01:14Why do people always round up?
01:16So, uh, where's Thurston Howell taking you?
01:19A charity dinner.
01:20Yeah, $2,000 in place.
01:22$1,500?
01:22Stop rounding up.
01:24And it's for third world hunger.
01:26You're going to put out?
01:27What?
01:28There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner,
01:30and it's not so little Moo Too can get his malaria pills.
01:33Oh.
01:34I think my soul just threw up a little bit.
01:38Well, I'm going to be late.
01:40You guys have fun.
01:41Bye.
01:41See ya.
01:42Bye.
01:42See ya.
01:44You okay?
01:45Sure.
01:45Why?
01:46Oh, I don't know.
01:47Girlier dreams?
01:48Dating a billionaire?
01:50Okay.
01:50First of all, hundred millionaire.
01:53And second, she's not the girl of my dreams.
01:56We're just friends.
01:57Look, it would not be smart if we got together.
01:59I mean, I'm looking to settle down.
02:01She's looking for all...
02:03Well, you done?
02:05Great.
02:06Check out table number four.
02:10See that little hottie on the end?
02:12She's short, but has an ample bosom.
02:14I love it.
02:15She's like half boob.
02:17Yeah, and say what?
02:18What's our big opening line?
02:20Uh, it was, uh, Daddy's Home.
02:25Daddy's Home?
02:26Yeah.
02:26Okay, you want us to go over there right now
02:29and say to those girls, Daddy's Home.
02:32Really think about that, Barney.
02:34Hmm.
02:35Yeah, I think it's pretty solid.
02:38Okay, think about this.
02:40Is there even a single item on the menu
02:42that has garlic in it?
02:44Garlic fries.
02:46Okay, well, I'll get back to you.
02:49Oh, Daddy's back.
02:51See, if you've taken a moment to think about that...
02:53Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten
02:54this seven-digit Father's Day card from Amy.
02:58Oh.
02:59That worked.
03:00I hate the world.
03:01Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think.
03:04I'm teaching you how to do, do, do.
03:06Do, do.
03:07Yeah, totally.
03:09So, I think a lot.
03:10I happen to have a very powerful brain.
03:12It can't be helped.
03:13Oh, yes, it can.
03:16Interesting.
03:17Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason.
03:20It's like the universe was saying,
03:21hey, Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool,
03:23but it's your job to make him awesome.
03:26Your brain screws you up, Ted.
03:27It gets in the way.
03:28It happened with Robin.
03:29It happened with half-boob.
03:30And it's gonna keep on happening
03:32until you power down that bucket of neuroses
03:36inebriation style.
03:37So, what, you, uh, you want me to do a shot?
03:40Oh, no.
03:41I want you to do five shots.
03:43Ooh, more interesting.
03:46Barney, I think you've officially...
03:48No, don't think.
03:50Do.
03:50Ted, he's right.
03:52You overthink.
03:53Maybe you should overdrink.
03:55Drink, drink, drink, drink.
03:58Uh, Lily, will you tell these guys
04:00how stupid they're being?
04:01Guys, you are being immature
04:02and moronic and drink.
04:04Ah!
04:05Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink.
04:09Yeah!
04:11Drink, drink, drink.
04:12Let me tell you something about this brain, okay?
04:15Drink, drink, drink.
04:17Your alcohol cannot stop this brain.
04:20Drink, drink, drink, drink.
04:21I love it, I love it, I love it.
04:22This brain, dear mortals,
04:24is no ordinary brain.
04:26Drink, drink, drink, drink.
04:27This is a super brain.
04:29Drink, drink, drink, drink.
04:30Drink, drink, drink, drink.
04:31This brain is unstoppable.
04:33This brain...
04:34And that's all I remember,
04:36except for a few hazy memories.
04:50But really, the next thing I remember
04:52was waking up the following morning.
05:14So there were some unanswered questions.
05:17How much did I drink?
05:18How did I sprain my ankle?
05:24And who was this girl in my bed?
05:27There's a rock star.
05:29Okay, um, what the hell happened last night?
05:32You really don't remember?
05:34Superbrain?
05:35So Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily filled me in.
05:38And how did you guys like the shots?
05:41I drank all five, bitch.
05:43I love drunk Ted.
05:46Marshall thinks you're a vampire.
05:50If he pukes,
05:52one of you guys cleans it up.
05:55No dips.
05:56Oh, no, oh, damn it.
05:58How quickly you all forget.
06:00I haven't puked since high school.
06:01I am vomit-free since 93.
06:04Vomit-free since 93.
06:06That's funny.
06:07I'm funny.
06:08Who are you calling?
06:09Robin?
06:11Oh, bad idea, Jeans.
06:12No, no, it's a great idea.
06:14That's the whole point of getting drunk.
06:15You'd do things you'd never do in a million years if you were sober.
06:17Says every girl you've ever slept with.
06:20So what?
06:23Hello, Robin, it's Ted.
06:25Oh, hi, Ted.
06:26Hello, Robin, it's Ted.
06:28Hi, Ted.
06:29Sounds like you're having fun.
06:31Robin, have I ever told you that I am vomit-free since 93?
06:36Oh, listen, Ted, I can't really talk, right?
06:3993?
06:40Dude, that's impressive.
06:42Well, I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman and a great reporter.
06:46You should be on 60 Minutes.
06:48You should be one of the minutes.
06:51That's sweet and odd, but I'm kind of on a date right now.
06:55Yeah, and I disagree with Barney.
06:57Just because this guy's spending a lot of money doesn't mean you have to put out...
07:01Take it slow, Robin.
07:02Take it slow.
07:05Slow.
07:06Bye, Ted.
07:08Slow.
07:09Wow, right.
07:10That's why we don't do shots.
07:13Friends don't let friends drink and dial.
07:15I need that phone back.
07:16You'll get this back at the end of class.
07:19Ding!
07:19Class dismissed.
07:20Here you go, kid.
07:21You call whoever you want.
07:22Thank you, kind sir.
07:23At least someone appreciates the fact that I am doing and not thinking.
07:28And now, I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom.
07:33Was that necessary?
07:35He is not making smart decisions.
07:37Exactly.
07:38It's like, what's he going to do next?
07:39I don't know, but I want to find out.
07:45Cheap trick.
07:48Oh, Ted.
07:52Hello again, Ted.
07:53Hey, it's me again
07:58Playing to see again
08:03Please, can I see you every day?
08:08I love everyone in this bar!
08:11And we love you, drunk Ted.
08:14I'm a fool again
08:18I fell in love with you
08:21Ted?
08:23Well, that explains the ankle.
08:25And then we brought you home and put you to bed.
08:27Was there anyone else in there with me?
08:42There's a girl in there!
08:43I know!
08:44And a pineapple.
08:45I know!
08:46Who is she?
08:47I don't know!
08:50What the hell happened to my jacket?
08:52Whoa!
08:54That girl in there is alive, right?
08:58I should call Barney.
09:00Maybe he knows what happened.
09:20Hello!
09:21Why are you sleeping in our tub?
09:22uh the porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling wait were you here when I went
09:28to the bathroom in the middle of the night don't worry I slept through it I
09:33totally didn't sleep through it oh and wow for a little girl you got a big tank
09:40how did you get in here anyway we put Ted to bed around one oh you put Ted to
09:45bed all right you guys take care of me you guys are the best and the night begins now
10:06all right game face on Carl two more all right what do we think of this one I think
10:12trick question no thinking you know what time it is it's due o'clock let's ride bring it
10:22have you met Ted excuse me
10:32you're calling Robin I'm calling Rob Ted as your mentor and spiritual guide I forbid
10:38you from calling her oh yeah what you gonna do if you complete that call I will set your coat
10:47on fire
10:49you're bluffing hello Robin it's Ted Ted for the last time stop
11:00you set me on fire real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast you got Rob this is a blend
11:07you set me on fire and who's the girl in my bed
11:23there's a girl in your bed and a pineapple am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple
11:30who is she I have no idea nice you really don't know who that is no after I hosed you
11:37down with
11:37the beverage gun I brought you back here I better not have gotten burned oh did any of you write
11:45that
11:45hi I'm Ted if lost please call whose number is that I don't know dude call it oh hold on
11:57I'm gonna make some popcorn
12:04oh okay you can call now god this is intense I love it hello uh hi who's this you called
12:16me who's
12:16this it's Ted it's Carl from the bar and then Carl filled us in Barney you've always taken care of
12:26me
12:26you are a gentleman and a scholar go into my stable and take my finest stallion he's yours his name
12:33is
12:33windjammer sleep it off frog I'm back baby dog and I I'm gonna throw up
12:48I threw up my streak is over vomit free since 05 doesn't sound good sorry Carl go on
12:59Carl did you know the word karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra isn't that hauntingly beautiful
13:08are you a vampire all right we're cutting you off go home and get some sleep Ted yeah the sun's
13:15gonna
13:15come up soon wouldn't want to be around for that would we hey how easy you think it'd be to
13:22sneak
13:22into the zoo I have to see some penguins like right now all right give me your arm okay this
13:29way if you pass out in the gutter
13:33someone will call me and I will come get you thanks Carl we can't just be friends we're attracted to
13:41each other we both know it excuse me me and Robin me and Robin I have to make one more
13:47call yeah this
13:49feel good hey it's me again look who are we kidding you and I are both attracted to each other
14:01we're young
14:02we're drunk half of us anyway and we only get one life so why don't you come over to my
14:06apartment right
14:07now and we'll think of something stupid to do together really great wait really great thanks Carl
14:19it's Robin that's Robin in there did you guys
14:30oh come on you've got to give me this one those five shots got you farther with Robin than your
14:35brain
14:35ever did see what happens when you don't think you do more importantly you do Robin come on
14:45all right right over here still what does this mean are we dating now I mean I never pictured it
14:52going
14:52down this way but maybe that's how it had to happen I mean think about it someone get him a
14:56shot he's
14:57thinking again maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one you and Robin went down this
15:03road before he got dinged up really bad you know who might have something to say about Ted's future
15:09with Robin Robin go wake her up wake her up and say what daddy's home good luck buddy
15:29hello Ted it's Robin are you sure
15:46hey Robin how are you Ted I think you and I should have a talk about those phone calls last
15:52night do you
15:52mind if I swing by uh yeah sure come on over thanks no wait no don't don't go she's coming
16:00over crap
16:00wait wait this is killing me we have to find out who that girl is Trudy my name is Trudy
16:14and then Trudy filled us in I'm just surprised you didn't dump him sooner I know it's two years
16:20of my life I'm never getting back a little part of me wants to just jump the bones of the
16:25next guy I see
16:27daddy daddy daddy's home or the one after that okay fair enough I've got to prove a point to a
16:34friend
16:34so you just gave me your number and your name is Amy ladies I love everyone in this bar look
16:46at that
16:46there you go he's kind of cute what are you doing in the men's room what am I doing in
17:01the ladies room
17:02oh right I came in here because I thought I was gonna throw up did you I did not
17:11and the street continues vomit free since 93 sorry Trudy go on I liked your performance what the
17:21karaoke donno arigato I wish I had your guts getting up and making a complete idiot of myself do it
17:30I don't
17:31know still I've had a pretty serious week I guess your stand to do something stupid I'm something
17:38stupid do me you're funny hey can I call you sometime okay here let me why do they call it
17:50karaoke
17:50anyhow was it invented by a woman named karaoke these are the kinds of things I think about karaoke is
17:58Japanese for empty orchestra that's hauntingly beautiful hey it works then I guess you're gonna
18:11have to call me I gotta make one more call hello hey it's me again hey look who are we
18:23kidding you and
18:24I are both attracted to each other we're young we're drunk half of us anyway and we only get
18:30one life so I came over here and now I'm really really embarrassed damn it Trudy what about the
18:39pineapple sorry sorry Robin's here um look Trudy I need you to hide in my bedroom why is that your
18:50girlfriend no no that's not my girlfriend um look it's complicated you're married yeah no no I'm not
18:57married um I'll explain after you hide hey hey Robin top of the morning sorry I kept calling you like
19:14that I was pretty drunk no kidding those calls were really weird look Ted maybe we need to talk
19:22let's go get a snack I love to snack I'm good come on those calls weren't that weird Robin come
19:41hang out
19:51that goes on for three and a half minutes without a breath that's got to be some kind of record
19:59please we agreed to be friends and now you're making it all confusing no I'm not look I just
20:04turned off my brain for the night nothing's changed you've moved on I've moved on really you've moved
20:10on yes what you don't believe me oh okay Trudy come on out you are gonna laugh wait you were
20:21with
20:21someone last night yeah Trudy she's cool Trudy come on out yeah seriously it's okay this is so Trudy
20:33she's really shy I think Trudy hi Trudy I'm Robin it's nice to meet you you're right she is shy
20:50I'm not making this up she must have climbed out the fire escape whatever whatever I don't care
20:56what you think then why'd you hide her from me well you're good anyone ever tell you you should be
21:04on 60 Minutes yes you did last night really I had some sleep Ted we had a long night and
21:16don't feel bad I've woken up with worse
21:25I left Trudy a message but she never called me back that's just how life works sometimes you turn off
21:31your brain for a night and all you're left with the next day is a bad hangover a sprained ankle
21:36and a
21:37pineapple oh and we never found out where that pineapple came from but it was delicious
22:07you
22:09you
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