- 5 hours ago
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Season 4 Episode 6
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00:13I don't think Dakota being anywhere is a good idea.
00:27I don't think he should be at anything that we're at.
00:30I feel like this is just how all of Taylor and Dakota's fights go.
00:33They both don't have any self-control and they just can't help it.
00:36I knew we were doomed from the moment Dakota walked in the door.
00:40I've been waiting around for someone that is not there.
00:42You don't exist.
00:43He doesn't exist.
00:44Not in you.
00:45He's not you.
00:47It's just going to be someone else.
00:49And it fucking sucks.
00:51You're always cutting me down.
00:52You're always saying how much I fucking suck and how awful the man I am.
00:56Over the course of everything in our relationship, Taylor, that is all I've ever heard.
00:59And that's what's like so hard for me.
01:01It's so tough on me.
01:02Like that's all I ever hear.
01:04And so I know what I did.
01:05I know I fucked up.
01:06I know I broke you.
01:07I know I screwed up.
01:08I'm not stupid.
01:08I know what I did.
01:10So me and Jace head out there to mediate the conversation, make sure anything doesn't escalate more than Arnie has.
01:17And then I just feel like a sad, disappointed mother who is watching her child just like make all the
01:23wrong decisions in life and ruin her life.
01:25I think it's the part that's so hard is that's also all I've ever heard from you is like, fuck
01:30you.
01:30You're a piece of shit.
01:31I hate you every single day for the last three years.
01:34But you know where it's coming from?
01:35It's coming from just hard.
01:36I'm just hard.
01:37I'm hard.
01:37You get that.
01:38I'm good.
01:38And I'm not.
01:38You know what?
01:39I deserve everything I fucking did.
01:41I deserve to hear too.
01:42I deserve to hear it when it's coming because it's going to come.
01:46And so I'm sitting here with you because this is what we think we deserve.
01:50This is as good as weak gets for us.
01:54I'm trying to move forward and it's hard.
01:58I want out of this toxic cycle.
02:01But like for me, I still to this day in therapy have trouble admitting that I deserve better.
02:08Do I think holding on to Dakota is like this wound I'm trying to heal with my biological dad?
02:17Maybe.
02:18I think we both struggle with like just like feeling like, yeah, we like deserve better.
02:31So I don't want to see you hurting.
02:34I want you to be happy.
02:36I want to see you like thrive.
02:37And I am and will always be here for you.
02:44I feel sad for both of you because I want you both to be happy.
02:48Yeah.
02:49But I think unfortunately, and I think you guys both know too, that it's not meant to be.
02:54It's not.
02:56Yeah.
02:57Yeah.
02:59Obviously, where it ends is like breaking the cycle and like letting it go because to be honest,
03:05the only person I'm torturing is like myself.
03:08I just, yeah, I want to let it go.
03:10Like I pray like every day.
03:13Like just let it go.
03:15Um, I just like more than anything, I think at this point, like we just, we owe it to our
03:20son to like really try to work together on moving forward and just kind of being on the
03:27same team for him.
03:30Because that's all we can do.
03:31Because that's all we can do and we have to do it.
03:32Like we're in each other's lives now forever.
03:36Yeah.
03:38I would much rather make it a little bit better than it'd be awful forever.
03:45Yeah.
03:46I agree.
03:46In our situation, if Taylor's not going to be the one that stops, like I'm going to have
03:52to do it.
03:52And I think that's just been really hard for me to do if I'm being honest.
03:55But I just want to be able to like co-parent with her and be there for our son together
04:00and just make sure he comes first.
04:03And that's hopefully the goal.
04:05I just, obviously everything's so fresh.
04:06It's harder to have been done, but I agree.
04:09I want that too.
04:11I cannot be talking about this over and over again.
04:14It's keeping me stuck.
04:15Going out to The Bachelorette, I think honestly, in some mysterious way, it was meant to be
04:18because it is going to break me from that cycle.
04:20It's a long time.
04:21That's going to be the longest stretch I've had probably without Dakota.
04:24I need to do what's best for me, you know?
04:30Come ye saints and come ye sinners.
04:35Hallelujah.
04:40I'm the one you've been dreaming of.
04:43I got everything you could ever want.
04:47Try me in your sleep, I'll bring you to your knees.
04:51Baby, you're going to believe.
06:07better i'm dying right now like i had like five mental breakdowns yesterday like i think
06:11everything's starting to catch up to me especially being away from like zach and the kids all day
06:17like i think for zach i think what's hard for him is he's living for like the jen show like
06:23it's
06:23i'm just you know jen's husband and i know that jacob feels similarly with that jacob's always
06:29very supportive but obviously in la we kind of had a little bit of a disagreement here and there
06:33about how things should work and business and all that since then i think he's been nothing but
06:37supportive with not only my career but also like me emotionally and like when i tell him i feel
06:42emotional or burnt out like he is the first one there to help me and ask me what i need
06:46as long
06:47as he feels appreciated by you this is like your moment and he needs to understand that like you
06:53need that space you know yeah tell me how it's going for you like with the book tour and like
06:59new york and it's so good it's just like exhausting i'll be back in utah for um yeah for your
07:05event in
07:06salt lake city i have my book tour event in salt lake next week it's been like 10 years of
07:12compiling
07:12material and writing it down and getting it in a book it's finally here and i couldn't be more excited
07:17and proud of myself so i did the tamarind hall show and then i did a virtual podcast and i'm
07:22just tired but
07:23it's worth it like i want to get this most promotion for the book because i can't so it's
07:27like i know i need to grind so well is that hard too like having to like retell all those
07:33stories from
07:33your book certain interviews are lighter but some of them like dig a little bit more and it's like
07:40oh yeah it makes me emotional i cried in another one the other day i'm like damn
07:45just hitting that's the hardest thing for me to get over with the hurdle of
07:49you know the recovering from the abuse is that um i blame myself for a lot of it it is
07:55painful to
07:55revisit all these memories i am glad to do so if i can help just one other person and so
08:01that's what
08:01i'm really hoping this book will do macy you're the best i freaking love you like honestly i miss you
08:08it's gonna be worth it once i win that mirror ball baby
08:29how was rehearsal babe it was so good i feel like today was the first day where i'm like
08:35specifically for the samba i'm like oh like you're feeling it yeah like i'm feeling it a little bit
08:39should we see can we see a little somber yeah of course i think
08:48i like the end dance has always been a part of my life when i'm dancing i feel most like
08:55myself
08:56and so being able to be in this experience i feel like i've
09:04re-found something in myself that was missing like something reignited and like a light went off
09:16hello love i i don't mean to call you on a saturday but we had to tell you
09:21christmas match has officially been greenlit i have the offer in hand you will star and you will be the
09:29executive producer oh my god oh my god holy i've always envisioned this whitney i've always had this
09:41dream of being an actress in big feature films this is a movie that is made for tv so it's
09:46a big deal
09:47not only will i be an executive producer on this i am playing the lead role in this feature
09:52i don't see l.a looked good on you i feel overjoyed but also overwhelmed i've never seen anyone who
10:00puts their mind to something go out and achieve it with such strength i knew you were going to do
10:06this i'm not surprised i'm crying i'm feeling like all my dreams are coming true i've never experienced
10:15this before it's like all these exciting things are happening but i feel like i already can't catch up
10:19i'm just i'm feeling a lot of anxiety right now it's just like it's very rewarding because it's
10:25like okay like the blood sweat and tears it's paying off like for something like that i don't know what
10:31i'm gonna do with mom talk i think la might be our new home base i think we need to
10:36consider it okay
10:39i'm experiencing this fork in the road it's showing up for mom talk in utah while also pursuing this
10:46dream the truth is is i wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for mom talk because that's where it
10:52all
10:52started and i don't really know how to navigate that right now your mommy gonna be a movie star
10:57here we go again and again
11:20where's mom i think she's already in my slip-up with dakota in california was a big wake-up call
11:27but
11:28it's no secret that my mom is judgmental so i'm nervous to tell her like i start sweating before
11:33the convo starts because i'm just like here it comes well it doesn't be cold too i know this is
11:37like me i'm like dying of heat take that off no it's a tank top you know a lot of
11:42our tank tops
11:42because you're mormon she hasn't worn her garments in years so why can't you be a tank top you do
11:49not
11:49wear your garments regularly so when did you guys get back from l.a who all went
11:54all the girls their husbands and then mason came and dakota chase was supposed to come but he got
12:00sick why did dakota go i don't know because he's a part of dad talk so i'm not i don't
12:06call those shots
12:08my hope for taylor on the bachelor is for her to find somebody that she absolutely loves and that is
12:14going to be the best partner for her and her kids and then that she can truly forget about dakota
12:21so what's
12:22what went on in l.a nothing really just hung out i mean i mean dakota bitch per usual he
12:30tells
12:30everyone that he wants to be with me so and it's like my decision that i don't want to be
12:35with him
12:35so this is like my choice and like true but at the same time like it's my decision because of
12:41his
12:41decision no totally he's to blame yeah but it's still your decision to either be with him and live
12:46in a miserable life and go through all this trauma all the time and always be crying or yeah yeah
12:52so
12:53did you sleep with him in in l.a no no why i'm just wondering because he was there no
12:59why are you
13:00laughing why would i ever even if i did i'm just saying i would never admit anything to you because
13:04of your reaction just so you know i already immediately saw it in your face like it was
13:08discussed like did you sleep with him why in the hell am i gonna tell you anything if i'm getting
13:13that
13:15she means well she means well with that being said there's some judgment there do you think by now
13:21the approach would be a little bit different if she's wanting me to confide in her your reaction
13:27your approach i would never okay dakota jr then you're being like dakota you're saying that not
13:32really you're saying exactly what you're my mother i know but you're not a boy
13:38you're my mother that's the difference you're supposed to be my safe place i understand that but
13:43we i am trying to help me maybe i i like you said i don't come across that way but
13:48i do try to help
13:48not telling you because i don't want to hear it i don't want to hear your approach i don't want
13:52to
13:52hear you yell at me say i'm trash i'm stupid i'm dumb when i need help i'm not calling you
13:57because this is how you treat me you don't call me taylor what is wrong with you
14:02you what the f is going on what do i do what do i do approach to everything taylor at
14:08this point
14:09is just trying to dodge what she has done she's just lashing out you're my mom i know but you
14:16should treat me with respect i agree in the ten commandments does it say honor your kids no one of
14:22the commandments is to honor your mother and father okay and you're the worst at it i think it would
14:27be
14:27nice to like have my mom not like talking about the prayer bible this and that kind of just be
14:31like
14:31human with me like everyone makes mistakes like regardless of like religion don't you think this
14:35is something she acts like that way maybe because of how it's been in the past but i did sleep
14:41with
14:41dakota so we'll just get that out of the way now then that's so dumb go ahead go ahead go
14:46off on your
14:46go on that is so stupid but that's what she it is it is stupid why why isn't it stupid
14:52go ahead
14:53why isn't it stupid i think it's stupid why do you think i get mad because i don't want you
14:57to have fun
14:58i don't want you to have sex any of those things no it's to prevent you from all this that
15:04you go
15:04through i've cried it for the last freaking three years but you're not in my shoes i know but i've
15:12been in your shoes with your biological dad when did you get divorced when did you uh have two
15:17miscarriages when did you uh have another baby daddy that went after your friend did you experience all of
15:22that i think sometimes taylor doesn't realize everything that i went through with her biological
15:28dad you have not been in my i've gotten pregnant from a guy that was an addict okay like dakota
15:35yeah
15:35worse probably even worse okay okay because he yeah okay but i think that going back to church and
15:43having that foundation it helped me get back on track i feel like taylor would be more grounded if
15:51she was going to church and doing the things that she has been taught you'll sleep with him and then
15:57you'll be like oh he's a disgusting disgusting person why do you sleep with him but it's called
16:02the cycle why do you keep doing it you're addicted it's a cycle why don't you get help to not
16:07be
16:07addicted to that the brain is not i need to rewire it it's not okay in that i think that
16:12anyone in this
16:12world can say taylor's brain is not okay no well it needs to start getting okay because you're going
16:17on a freaking bachelorette pretty soon you think the guys that are going on this show are going to
16:22want somebody that's like that they might be like that i hope not i i know that i up again
16:28right now
16:28i think i just want her as a mom and to have some grace like it's already done so you
16:32can either help
16:33me through this or just like judge me again and see how far that gets us so you going on
16:38the bachelorette
16:38how do you want to portray yourself like this wild pineapple girl on there pineapple girl what does that
16:44you know what i mean or something like then swinger you make your own life that's why i'm changing it
16:49well i you better start changing that then it's like you're being contradicting no today i was
16:56actually just being straight up no you were being a complete bitch oh see oh there's another where it
17:02is dude look at you as a mother you have no respect you just call me a bitch i don't
17:06give a
17:07fuck i'm not the fucking parent stop talking i am not the mother fucking parent you just call me a
17:12bitch don't tell me about respect calling you a bitch is nothing compared to the way you treat me
17:19nothing i think we all have some things we need to work on yeah but taylor doesn't have to work
17:25on
17:25anything because she's perfect i do think she has worked on a whole bunch so i don't want to discredit
17:31that okay in the mormon culture it's hard to accept the children's mistakes because we're known as like
17:37this picture-perfect family my child messed up so now that's a image based on me as a parent but
17:42for
17:42my mom and i it's very like mirroring like i'm seeing something in myself that i don't want to
17:47talk about or acknowledge it's a reoccurring pattern for both of us and nothing changes nothing changes
18:01break it down break it break it down now break it down break it down now
18:06hi again how are you good how are you good since i've had lottie my skin has kind of flipped
18:13180 and
18:14kind of went through a flare again and i was recommended to one of the leading stem cell doctors
18:19so i'm staying longer in la to get this stem cell treatment done hello oh hello how are you oh
18:27good
18:28how are you so good i invited whitney to come with me to do my stem cell treatment it definitely
18:33means
18:34a lot to me especially because when i am doing any treatments for my health i feel like it's very
18:40vulnerable whitney and jace are in a very similar place having to deal with what happened to me and
18:45connor and the implications that it's brought into our marriage so i feel like we have that shared
18:50that shared experience
18:54hi am i in your seat yeah okay
18:58yeah you want me to do it for you i don't know she's still earning back my trust so i
19:02don't know
19:02about that quite yet i don't know if i would trust her to inject that in me i had this
19:07brand deal in utah
19:08i was so worried that i wasn't going to make it to michaela's appointment but i was able to catch
19:13an
19:13early flight because i really wanted her to know how important it was for me to be here
19:18what do you want me to do do you want to watch something funny do you want me to tell
19:21you something
19:21funny no it's fine okay i'm good with the needles now okay this isn't your first rodeo
19:28i'm trying to do it all right now i'm trying to get this movie going dancing with the stars rehearsals
19:35brand deals and and all of these relationships that i've worked so hard rebuilding i feel like
19:40i'm being spread very thin how are you and jace i love that man they're still like i know he's
19:48so great
19:50it's like it's still the therapy stuff i'm like oh there's just so much going on
19:56so jace and i haven't made really any progress as far as our intimacy and our sex life goes he
20:02wants me to work through my trauma so we're able to fix that when you attempted sexual intercourse
20:07how often was it satisfactory for you um it hurts really bad i'm just gonna say never all the health
20:17stuff that's happening to me right now is kind of out of my control i feel like i have to
20:20give that top
20:21priority because it's hard to focus on anything else and be motivated to fix anything else while i'm
20:27in this state so you started going to therapy again with jace i did like one or two okay yeah
20:35i told them basically i'm like i just can't work on really talk for a second sorry shut up
20:41i didn't say that i'm like it's okay we've said worse yeah we have it's nice to have whitney here
20:49and just to have support i think it's hard being around jace right now internally i'm feeling a lot
20:55of pressure just because i know that these are issues that are like weighing on me and weighing on
20:59jace in our marriage and it's like i know i have to fix them at some point and if i
21:04don't fix them then
21:05our marriage could be over oh okay it's the worst i'm so sorry this is what you want and you
21:16can just
21:17run oh run unlock that door and just run don't look back no more this is what you want
21:32taylor hello where are you my room just straight chilling hi you have like that huge toy room she
21:40can play in do you want to play with toys oh okay we'll go play with some toys macy was
21:45really upset
21:46when i told her i was going to do unwell instead of her book event even though unwell is a
21:50cool
21:50opportunity and i was really excited about it at the end of the day events like this will come and
21:54go but my friendship with macy means so much to me and i would never want to let her down
21:58okay wait
21:58what's going on with the book show here do i need to know anything i actually got a lot of
22:02messages
22:02after you posted it people like i bought my ticket to fly out okay good so people from out of
22:07state which i think it's because this format originally was not a meet and greet oh no i think
22:11they're changing the format it'll be a smaller venue now than it was before so they can
22:15meet me as well and now the tickets are selling because of that good yeah my book tour event is
22:21tomorrow i was really stressed about ticket sales and it all came together jesse is hosting whitney
22:27and jen are also flying in for it so i'm really excited to have mom talk support you were going
22:33to
22:33tell me something what was it oh yeah what was that i mean it's nothing good news it's just i
22:38told my
22:39mom like about sleeping with wait about oh just dakota and it was a show she was asking she's
22:45like you didn't like sleep with dakota and i was like no and i was like you know and then
22:49i just
22:49like her judge i saw her face i was like you know what actually i did i slept with them
22:53and i was like
22:54i just like told her i don't need to hear it like i know i regretted it instantly i was
22:58like it's a
22:58setback she doesn't like she's like i just don't get it and i'm like it's okay no one gets it
23:02i don't get
23:02it so i i get it it's the approach with it i was like as a mother i just want
23:07her to know that i'm
23:08scared to tell you like kids rebel more when you can't tell your parents things yeah and we're way
23:12past that because we're older now but i'm like i just want to change that for my daughter and then
23:16she's like oh so like you think like you're i'm a horrible mom and your best mom i'm like that's
23:20ego
23:21talking she took it to another level i'm like i get her her and frustration i get that but it's
23:25like
23:26well no wonder i i'm scared to tell you like the approach just try to approach it differently i feel
23:31like that's probably pretty similar for like all of our parents like i don't know about you but like
23:35i think i had a similar situation like i got pregnant right like my parents thought i was a
23:38virgin yeah because i didn't feel comfortable confiding in them because i was like well i don't
23:42know how they're gonna react and like i think you know like just the culture of the church and stuff
23:47i was like they're gonna freak out and so i didn't tell them like that i was being abused or
23:51anything
23:51so i just didn't know what was gonna happen you know and i think my parents i'm really close
23:54and they did an amazing job raising me so it's not even to discredit them i think it's just the
23:58way
23:58they're raised and it's like so it's like it's kind of just like changing it over time i've never
24:02really thought about it from macy's perspective of generational trauma especially regarding church
24:07and how we were raised in a culture i maybe need to look more into that that way i can
24:14maybe be the
24:14one to like stop it and break the cycle i think you're so used to chaos that it is your
24:19comfort zone
24:19now someone was saying like i like do these mistakes and i must enjoy it i must enjoy the pain
24:24of it i think you do a little that's what i'm saying like we need it it's almost as if
24:28i don't
24:28want it to fix because it's like makes me feel like wow this shows me that there is a problem
24:32and
24:33she's aware of it this is a great first step unfortunately time will tell um i need to you're
24:38good i know i'm sorry the boobies are hurting i could talk about this all day but well thanks for
24:43letting us come over yeah i hope that helped you a little bit and didn't overwhelm you more
24:49oh my goodness you're the biggest boy in the world and now we cinch it so get in billy
24:59you guys ready for a pumpkin patch oh baby chicken oh my gosh there's goats in here too
25:04oh try to not step in the poo though billy's like what the oh he's got your hair connor and
25:11i had planned this day to take the kids to the pumpkin patch and i'm feeling overwhelmed i was
25:15able to catch an early flight and show up for michaela's appointments the last few days rehearsals
25:20have been very stressful so it's like i'm playing a game of tug of war right now so i'm feeling
25:26that mom
25:27guilt i feel like we haven't been able to do stuff like this in a while it's fun to get
25:31the kids out
25:31do something like for the family i know it is how are you doing oh babe
25:48you know i haven't done anything for billy i've done nothing i'm feeling like the worst mom i'm
25:57trying to do it all right now and i feel defeated i just don't feel like i've been as present
26:02and
26:02i've been showing up for my kids like how i would like to you don't need to worry about that
26:07i have
26:08that covered i promise but i feel like that's just one small thing to a much bigger picture what's going
26:16on i'm just overwhelmed and i just i feel like a bad model
26:29i don't even feel like i have the energy to go hop on a plane in and out to go
26:35to macy's book tour
26:36you are doing so much and with everything on your plate i imagine it's very scary
26:43i don't want to do it all the truth is though you have a lot on your plate and it's
26:48stressing
26:48you out and i don't want you to hit a breaking point like of course like it's macy's event so
26:56then i just i feel this other pressure where i'm like no like i have to make it work i
26:59have to be
27:00there it's okay for you to say this is too much for me i can't fly to utah be there
27:06for an hour to
27:07two hours and then immediately fly back to la i think a good friend would understand
27:13well she didn't understand the first time so and you know what i hope things have changed
27:17i am feeling a little bit triggered because of what happened with baby mama when i didn't show up
27:22to that event whitney do you still not regret not going to macy's baby mama launch yes or no no
27:28i'm saying no because i'm saying if i didn't make the mistake i wouldn't have known how to make it
27:32right i just feel like i would say i regret it but wish i handled it differently i get that
27:37i understand you have this pressure to feel perfect and i think that's one reason why
27:42you're choosing everything except for yourself
28:03after speaking with macy i don't want things to be this bad with my mom so i'm trying to heal
28:09myself
28:09on two fronts right now first i hired a genealogist to you know maybe get more answers about my
28:16biological dad and this is one of you uh reached out to me regarding your search for your biological
28:21father honestly i don't know too much but what i have is um his name he is deceased now so
28:30that helps
28:32so with my biological dad there's been really no relationship at all i met him one time when i was
28:36four
28:37i think because he was never in the picture there's been a lot of issues with relationships
28:42and like trouble with men and so i do think it's important to work on that wound hi how are
28:48you
28:48good welcome in thank you for coming today and then my mom and i decided to finally see a specialist
28:56what i hope to get from it is maybe just a better understanding of each other that way we can
29:01compromise and maybe get along better great i'll put you and your mom there come in hi hi welcome
29:11in mom hi oh gosh so exciting long overdue isn't it yes it is i'm hillary and i specialize in
29:20the
29:20mother-daughter relationship did you have expectations or hopes about i do have a question for you how does a
29:27parent's parents their adult kid
29:33and they end up doing the same thing over and over and over but then be like poor me i
29:39need to go to
29:39the hospital or i need to do this or i need to do that or i'm feeling miserable i'm crying
29:44or
29:45i mean and after that and that sympathy like is that has dwindled because do i say that to you
29:50are you making it up can can you let me talk tell like explain it to her first and then
29:55you can talk
29:55to me about it let me do my part and then you can well i'm wondering where that's okay from
30:00so
30:00everything i've ever told her has happened like like exactly how i said it was going to happen this
30:06is what's going to happen it has happened but here's what i've learned is that daughters need to
30:10feel heard first you worry about them and you carry that with you and i think that sometimes you express
30:16your worry and it comes across tell me if i'm wrong taylor as you feel like you're not trusted to
30:23make
30:23your own decisions and make solid decisions about your life i yeah i just feel like there's like a
30:29sense of control there and like i don't want to be controlled i do feel like the more i'm controlled
30:34the
30:35more i'm going to do whatever the hell i want to prove you're not going to control me i'm curious
30:39if you've thought about what would it look like if your mom did support you i think we'd probably
30:44just be a lot closer i'd be a lot more open and know that i could go talk to someone
30:47and they
30:47would just be like i'm so sorry like i i hear you that's got to be horrible that you're going
30:52through
30:52that like what can we do that i i couldn't think of anybody at the time that i could do
30:56that with
30:56so i just suffered a little through all of it and i knew i had a support system i always
31:01have but at
31:02the end of the day i knew the reaction so i didn't tell anybody and i'm not blaming like obviously
31:06my relationship all on freaking dakota but it's like it's miserable
31:14and at the end of the day i just want someone to choose me
31:20and i know it's like it looks dumb and you feel like you're like you're dumb but it's like
31:25you just also i think you you haven't you've had your situations but you've never had this exact
31:30one so i don't expect anyone to freaking get it thank you for sharing sorry sorry no don't apologize
31:37it needed to come out i don't know how to express
31:45like that empathy i am hard on taylor because i love her and i can see some of the traits
31:53that i had
31:54when i was young i struggle with that and i don't want her to go through everything that i went
32:01through
32:01and i just want her to be happy i loved my first boyfriend her biological father he asked me to
32:08marry him i could have went and married him but he just had like an addiction like and i always
32:12put her
32:13life like i always thought you know like he's not he's not the person for us because i don't see
32:20us
32:21happy you don't have to have the answers you don't have to fix it you just need to be there
32:28for her
32:29i love my kids more than anything in this world i would give up everything for them like i have
32:37lived
32:37my life for them hearing my mom say the sacrifices she made for me gives me a little bit more
32:43perspective
32:44on the way she reacts to certain situations and i think understanding what happened in her past with
32:48my dad is even more important to help me understand as a whole you're a great mom i can see
32:54how much you care
33:09today is the salt lake city book tour event it just feels like a dream that's coming true i just
33:14feel
33:14so incredibly grateful that i had this opportunity to share my story and mom talk plans a little
33:19brunch to get together before the event begins and i'm really excited to kind of hang out the girls
33:23before the tour starts and it means so much that they're supporting me are you the only one here
33:28you freaking biatches can anyone show up on time ever hi are you good are you literally the only one
33:35because i didn't hear me where's our
33:42you look freaking hot
33:46hi baby how do i even get around here i'm like how do i have to go over you guys
33:50i have an announcement
33:51this is the official mom talk everyone else is out yeah actually yeah can we just vote people out tell
33:56her about freaking whitney hey wait yeah oh yeah whitney's not coming yeah whitney called me last
34:01night and she was like crying to me and she said i just am so exhausted i'm so good things
34:05can be
34:05true she can be exhausted and overwhelming but also still be a good friend also production paid for
34:09her flight they had someone at the airport waiting to pick her up she just never told them she wasn't
34:13coming so she just ghosted her job i'm so grateful that whitney has been showing up for me recently but
34:19i don't think it shocks people when whitney's like i'm not going to show up to things just because she
34:23does have that pattern it doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt like i know it still hurts
34:27macy that she's not showing up for these things and then jen's not coming either and then jen's sick
34:32yeah part of me is like that should be rude but like is jen sick or does she know i
34:36hate sickness
34:36and so she's like shocker no she knows she knows that she hates generally i'm not going to say she's
34:43faking it but like i feel like we've all been being very very very supportive of the girls on
34:48days in charge granted yeah but i post for them every can tuesday like i over the top like
34:53supporting them and the fact that they can't even show up for you right now is yeah really
34:57fucked up honestly i think it's really important that all of us girls support macy this is literally
35:01her dream come true writing her memoir on her life i just feel like this is like something that's
35:06really really major for macy that is a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity and i feel like
35:10missing this is just it's not okay we can't speak on like how exhausting the experience must be like
35:16we don't know but like this isn't just like some normal event like yeah and they literally
35:20say we're going yeah i know so that's the part that's like well and that's what made me feel
35:24so bad it was like they did that on purpose after you all talked about me not going and then
35:28i see
35:29why you're frustrated yeah i said like i got ridiculed for like almost not coming because of unwell
35:35and i chose to stay because this is more important and once you told me how you felt i was
35:39like
35:39nothing matters yeah i think whitney pointing out that i wasn't going to be coming to macy's book
35:44event to host and being critical about it was so that she could jump in and save the day how
35:49do
35:49you actually feel about jesse not going i'm not upset i'm just more like oh that sucks but can i
35:55tell
35:55you something you already committed to that that's the problem i have yeah do you need a host yeah i
36:01mean
36:01i'm still like i all volunteers do you want to absolutely so it's just kind of funny that roles
36:08ended up being reversed and i'm here to support maizey and she's not
36:15hi how are you congrats thank you how are you good yeah everyone's just talking because whitney
36:23you'll find out whitney and jenner and probably pissed about it i don't really know how that's
36:26acceptable at all that's what we're saying i'm pissed like i just don't like having to ask for
36:31support either you know a real friend would show up for their friend no i agree i have to go
36:38though
36:38i have to go run over there exactly go where i have to sign books before it starts oh you
36:42go sign
36:43books so i'll see you guys over there okay we'll see you there no i'm just like bugged i'm buzzed
36:47i am
36:47too i do think two things can be true i think that whitney's here for the opportunities but i think
36:51she
36:51did miss those real friendships too like obviously she came back and said i'm here for dancing with the
36:56stars so i'm like it's not shocking i feel like whitney it's not a great look that she came back
37:01to
37:01home talk for dancing with the stars however people just kept making sure that i knew that i
37:07only came back for clout which is wrong it was for money so they use this as a stuffing stone
37:12and
37:12then they yeah exactly that's what i'm saying it's not okay let's get that straight we wouldn't have
37:19all of these awesome experiences like dancing with the stars and blah blah blah let's keep going if it
37:24wasn't for this friend group and i feel like you can't just be like you i'm on dancing
37:27the stars i don't care about you yeah dancing with the stars is taking her to hollywood
37:30so happy for her but she's clearly over this and that means that she's also over the friendship
37:46she's clearly over this and that means that she's also over the friendship like
37:49it sucks so because i feel like i started to build like a friendship with her again yeah and then
37:52she
37:52just does things like this and i'm like i start second guessing again i'm like do you even care yeah
37:57right as an ambitious career woman myself i totally understand why whitney's taking all the
38:02opportunities and wanting to advance her career i think it just hurts that she doesn't care about
38:06the actual friendships but she got what she wanted so i wouldn't be surprised if she never came back to
38:11mom talk i think we should check on jen on jen should we call her if she answers hi how
38:18are you
38:19feeling i'm all the things bro i woke up like it with a fever last night i don't know what's
38:25going on
38:26i think i caught something i'm sad i can't be there it makes me a big squeeze for me i
38:31will okay well
38:32let's let her rest okay i love you okay can we talk about the fact though that everyone's pissed
38:37dead right there now everyone's like we're like okay jen's really sick i'll give her that i'm shocked
38:42she picked that up yeah me too she's like curry zach get the fake iv
38:52so you had to be a boss
38:59macy you're doing amazing i'm gonna go let everyone in should i do something funny or
39:02crunchy no i want you to get a video that like it's like i'm taking a video say i'm taking
39:06a video
39:07for macy i want you to go in the line how they're screaming here you guys ready
39:18how proud do you feel with macy i'm so proud of macy that she accomplished this huge task of
39:27telling her story and and getting it out there in this book just knowing the struggles that she's
39:32been through i just can't be more proud of her i'm beyond excited for her and just so happy that
39:38she's able to be here in this moment because it's been a long road
39:43i'm so happy to be here
39:43do they have energy drinks here you think oh i'm sure somewhere this is so cool oh my gosh
39:48this is like legit like a huge doctorium oh yeah i don't know you didn't know that no when do
39:53i
39:53ever know anything i just show up hey macy will you come over by the mirror we'll take a picture
39:57oh yeah all right guys you ready
40:04thank you so much love you guys hi everyone
40:07thank you do you think you'd be here last year yeah it's crazy love you okay and now i'm telling
40:14my story to a bunch of people and it's absolutely so crazy and then also to see all my girls
40:20in the
40:20front row supporting me it just means the absolute world to me it sounds cheesy but that's what mom
40:25talk is all about is to cheer each other on it's real it's raw it's vulnerable it's funny it's everything
40:30you want in a book and i'm so proud of her so if you'll help me welcome to the stage
40:34the one and
40:34only macy neely
40:46you can always create your own future your mistakes do not define you and you can do whatever you want
40:51to do like there are no limits um you mentioned that you wanted to name your book one day yeah
40:57how do you know that you're in that one day and what is your next one day oh that's a
41:02good question
41:02i think for me it was like once i met my husband and that was kind of like felt like
41:07my happily ever
41:08after obviously the story is still just beginning with that but i think once i met him i was like
41:13this
41:13is it like this is my one day you know stop when i was 20 years old living at my
41:22parents house single
41:23and alone and pregnant i never would have thought i was going to start my journey of writing a book
41:29so
41:29i think it's a very full circle pinch me moment honestly it just doesn't feel real that it's all
41:33happening now and then obviously even the book like this is so full circle for me right so i think
41:37like
41:38this is it too like i think we're always gonna have those moments like this is like what i've been
41:42waiting for and it's here and as far as what's next i think we'll just have to wait and see
41:46because
41:46i don't even know i'm just trying to soak in this moment and enjoy it because this has been a
41:49dream
41:50of mine for 10 years so i'm excited that it's true
42:11nice to meet you nice to meet you i'm taylor i'm luana nice to meet you i know we spoke
42:16on the phone
42:16but it's good to put a face to a voice today i'm meeting with a genealogist and i feel very
42:24nervous that's the word i can you know excitement for sure it's like oh what's out there but also it
42:30could be a little unsettling because it's like something you've always wondered or had questions
42:34about so it could be a lot to process if there is information there are you ready to get started
42:39yeah
42:39hi all right okay so i took the information you gave me okay and i created a family tree we
42:47found
42:47your father right here okay brian scott wilkinson and there's your mother and then i found his brother
42:57and we were able to contact two of the people on this tree that are on this side the one
43:05side you're
43:05looking for your birth father's side we're gonna go ahead and look at your family tree just a little
43:10bit here let's see if i can pull that out oh my gosh so i have two others you have
43:20two half siblings
43:22that's crazy holy shit i have two other siblings out there i have four siblings
43:28wild i have a lot of questions about my biological dad like did he ever ask about me did he
43:32ever talk
43:33about me did he ever mention he had a child or multiple children for that matter what happened
43:37after the fact like where was he involved in those children's lives if he was his parents like what
43:41does his mom think about all of it did she ever want a relationship why didn't you try the sister
43:45the brother there's so many questions i have that is wild
43:55welcome to the first annual mom talk first dad talk pickleball championship
44:03dakota and her did dm no one knows though this is why i can't trust people this is too much
44:10it'd be
44:10so easy
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