- 9 hours ago
pushers s01e04 skyfire
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00:00Do you know why I hate spice?
00:03It's unnatural chemical muck,
00:05cooked up by child slaves in China.
00:09That's as good a reason as any...
00:11I haven't finished yet.
00:12It's destroying the prisons.
00:14It smells like urine.
00:16It's one of the least carbon-friendly substances you can get.
00:20And would you take a look at the state of my streets?
00:26What a mess.
00:30Let's buy some of this new spice.
00:32You can see who turns up.
00:34This is clearly a serious operation run by expert criminals.
00:39Cheers!
00:40I thought I'd at least feel something.
00:42So I'm being sober.
00:44Is it even cold?
00:46Yes, yes.
00:48It's not working.
00:50So essentially we're just having a bath together.
00:59Congratulations again.
01:02Organised crime group.
01:04OK.
01:05We shifted the last of the cocaine.
01:12We did it!
01:14Yeah!
01:15Drug dealing!
01:18Does anyone remember those little foot fishies they had up in the shopping centre?
01:25Yeah, they did.
01:26They get shut down because people kept...
01:31Steering the fishes?
01:32No getting that steer out.
01:35It's...
01:36What?
01:37On your feet?
01:37I have a theory that the sudden rise in fish pedicures signalled the beginning of the decline of the West.
01:42How much foot could a foot fish suck and a foot fish could suck feet?
01:46Get her!
01:47Get her, Dwayne!
01:48Get her!
01:49Get her!
01:50Why is he here?
01:51I thought this far.
01:52We're at him, surely.
01:53Go away!
01:54I just said Dwayne were 55 with an hormone deficiency thing guy.
01:57They took one look at you lot.
01:59Left it.
01:59I'm doing Leo a favour, man.
02:02Uncle Larry says this, bum heads.
02:03Trying to climb inside me mum.
02:05Oi!
02:06Not those exact words.
02:09What's that finger?
02:11That's a stoma.
02:12It sucks up the sores of naughty little boys.
02:16It's how I managed to stay looking so young.
02:19No, it's a stoma.
02:21All this reminds me of giving birth to him.
02:25Screws put me in the shower.
02:27They didn't know what else to do.
02:29They were all men back then, you know.
02:31You're gross.
02:33Yeah.
02:34Mum had me inside.
02:37I didn't see this little bastard again till he were three.
02:42Did I?
02:44Stop it.
02:45Stop it.
02:46Stop it.
02:46He's a good boy.
02:49It's never too late to have an happy childhood, you know.
02:52Um, where's me and the bus museum?
02:54Oh, um, it's doing an errand for me.
03:07No!
03:21No!
03:27No!
03:28No!
03:29No!
03:30it's happening right now because I have run out of them.
03:55Do you know him?
03:56Nah.
04:03Don't show up.
04:04Waste of my time.
04:05I missed a bloody spa for this.
04:08They meaning to talk to you?
04:11It's not about investing in dog shoes again, is it?
04:19What the fuck are you wearing?
04:24I ain't ever been to a spa before.
04:26What are you meant to wear?
04:29Swimwear.
04:30But I can't swim.
04:32Well, at least show a bit of flesh.
04:42Happy now, pervert?
04:45Yes.
04:46Yeah.
04:47Better be.
04:54I did all this money.
04:57Don't you eat gummy bears?
05:00What on earth is she up to, love?
05:04I know her love, but it's either this, or actually having to talk to her.
05:12Talkings don't do conversation or feelings.
05:17We're not from London.
05:21We see you.
05:23Five thousand pounds.
05:26Again.
05:28Again.
05:29Oh my God.
05:31Come on.
05:32Don't like your second breakfast bap of the morning, is there?
05:37Give you a touch.
05:45Do you recognise him?
05:48That's Messier Mason.
05:49He used to hang around with you and bloody Sheridan.
05:54Shit.
05:54What?
05:55Oh my God.
05:56He's not back, is he?
05:58No.
06:01I see you.
06:03We see you.
06:05I swear I know this fella.
06:08Yeah, I wanted to make him flapjacks.
06:11Big jerk.
06:13He's the flapjack man.
06:17Wait.
06:18Isn't he?
06:19Here we go.
06:21October 97.
06:23That's right.
06:24It was him.
06:25Emily's little school friend.
06:26Little Ewan Sheridan.
06:32Ewan Sheridan.
06:34That boy made our lives hell back in the day.
06:39Oh my God.
06:40And it was him who got into all that trouble for the fire.
06:46Ewan Sheridan burnt down a school.
06:48Christ.
06:49Were the kids inside?
06:50Dunno.
06:51Worse, he set fire to our favourite pub.
06:54And the Mackies.
06:55I had to drive to bloody Beverley for me McNuggets.
07:01It's my kid, that better.
07:14And that daddy was Ludwig van Beethoven.
07:18For some reason Mummy says she'll be facing 20 years in prison.
07:22Unless you pick me up and take me to your gong thing later.
07:24Gong thing?
07:27What music did I mean?
07:30So is now a good time to give you a little present?
07:34That's a gun?
07:36Is it?
07:37Is that a gun?
07:40It's a gift.
07:40Don't need it anymore do I?
07:43Oh brilliant.
07:45How many mouths has that been in?
07:49I still want out.
07:51You're getting out cause of one date with a random girl.
07:58I like her.
08:01She's cool and shit.
08:04And if I'm with her, I've got to be a daddy for Dwayne.
08:07So anyways, let's just do Chaz now.
08:11But for realsies, right, I could be any stickers.
08:17I made your own head of stickers.
08:21Whatever gun, Emily.
08:25I can't be trusted with my gun.
08:29I can barely be trusted with my own hands.
08:35Well if you don't want the gun, I'm leaving it over here, yeah?
08:39Oh, well, I'll take it as long as I can call her Daphne.
08:49Why?
08:51Less scary and violent.
09:04You lovely ladies ready for your couples massage?
09:07Where shall we put our gowns?
09:12Sorry?
09:14Our gowns?
09:16Where shall we put them?
09:18Um...
09:20Yes, darlings.
09:22If you just lie down on your fronts.
09:26Your fronts.
09:29Yes, fronts.
09:32Did you know that I'm a local drug ward?
09:39Relax.
09:40The average IQ for a level 6 masseuse is 93.
09:44But unfortunately she can still understand me.
09:52Let's talk about drugs.
09:58But can you call them coffee or something?
10:06Is you and Sheridan aware that for the past three weeks we've been selling Fairtrade tea in addition to the
10:11final grounds for his Fairtrade coffee?
10:13They need to know that we're selling spice as well if we're going to go legit.
10:3099.3% of our income comes from hot beverages.
10:33Only 0.7% from donations.
10:36It's unsustainable.
10:37But what do you value more?
10:38Fairtrade tea or your friendship with Ewan?
10:40Uh-huh.
10:41Now, if you'd like to turn over.
10:49I do have to ask, are her muscles, like, normal?
10:55Well, not normal.
10:56I know they're not normal.
10:57But are they in the same places as on normal people?
11:01She doesn't have any.
11:03Her mother was impregnated by a blobfish.
11:06Oh, no.
11:09Bless her.
11:12Fuck, bitch.
11:14Let's carry on selling spice.
11:18What does it matter if we help if you non-disabled pricks feed their addiction?
11:33I'll convince you and just need to get packed on side.
11:44Oh, what a relaxing day.
11:51It's an alarm.
11:54It means something bad is happening.
12:01I am going to punch you in your face.
12:10What an awful thing to say.
12:22How were I supposed to know you can't smoke?
12:25Here's a clue.
12:26It's not 2006.
12:31Do you know how much money I spend in here?
12:34I'm afraid we can't bend the rules for any child, sir.
12:39There's a little boy right there.
12:41That is very offensive.
12:43That is a man.
12:45He has a hormone deficiency.
12:47What are you doing?
12:48Mummy said you'd be so stressy, you'd need to be stroked.
12:51So I'm stroking you.
12:54Like a cat.
12:55She probably said I'll be so stressed that I'll have a stroke.
12:59Well, now you've had three strokes.
13:01Thanks.
13:07Thank you for coming over.
13:11I need to talk to you about Ewan.
13:16What's Grotham done now?
13:19Cuckooing.
13:20Oh, your home.
13:22Shall we?
13:24Cuckooing!
13:26That's the term I was reading about earlier online.
13:30Is that a porn thing?
13:38It's when criminals use threats and violence to coerce a vulnerable person into using their home as a base for
13:47drug dealing.
13:48I know all about drugs.
13:53Me and your man went to the Hacienda.
13:56Once.
13:58Accidentally.
14:02Thought it was a Mexican restaurant.
14:04You forgot her anniversary!
14:07No, I, erm...
14:09Stop!
14:10Please!
14:11Just...
14:12Just stop.
14:17I'm sorry about what happened to your boy.
14:19What happened to my boy?
14:21When this one started that fire at the school.
14:24She blamed it all on him.
14:26I wanted to talk to you about it then, but I was fraught with grief.
14:31But what he's done, what he's doing,
14:36how he's involved in my amoeil.
14:41That's not right.
14:44You grass!
14:47You bastard grass!
14:49Now I am...
14:50That's why they took him off me!
14:51That's why they sent him away!
14:53Because of your lie!
14:55You sat all over his young life!
14:58But, Rick, you referred to him as Grotum literally moments ago!
15:12You were his best pal!
15:15His only pal!
15:18We're done!
15:27I don't want those people.
15:30Their drugs.
15:32Or any money you haven't honestly earned.
15:36In this house.
15:40Okay?
15:44There!
15:46It's now a bad time to...
15:49...actually what the...
15:51...actually end it was like.
15:57Awful.
15:59No guacamole.
16:31And the rump goes to...
16:34...Guzzling John.
16:36For rice.
16:38Horrid little pubs like this always remind me of Daddy.
16:41Are you always imagining your dad...
16:45...in a pinstripe suit...
16:49...working for a hedge fund?
16:53No, he's self-made.
16:54Property, mostly, but...
16:55...part of his business was hiring out those awful fruit machines.
16:59One-armed bandits, he calls them.
17:01Highly offensive.
17:02So you don't get on.
17:04We haven't always had the best relationship, but...
17:07...pretty close now.
17:09And the pork belly is...
17:12...abracadabra for Gandalf.
17:14Congrats, mate.
17:15Can I just...
17:16...say something?
17:17It is so lovely...
17:19...not to be in yet another inter-able relationship.
17:22To be with someone who just...
17:23...gets what I've been through, you know?
17:27Relationship...
17:28I feel...
17:30...great.
17:32Isn't that what lesbians do?
17:34No, I was wondering if...
17:36...you wanted to meet him.
17:38Daddy.
17:40Did you just call me...
17:44...Daddy?
17:47No.
17:48I was...
17:49...wondering if you wanted to meet my father.
17:52Oh!
17:54You two are the cutest couple...
17:56...that I've ever seen...
17:58...since...
17:58...I spotted Jedward in the Merlion Centre.
18:01Hello there.
18:02Can we help you?
18:04They're your employees.
18:06Hey, you're from Howard.
18:07Where?
18:07We've met 24 times before.
18:09I'm Minibus Missy.
18:11We've also met a number of times.
18:13Put your...
18:14...boss...
18:15...bosses.
18:16Bossesses?
18:17Screw this.
18:18Do you want to just come back to mine?
18:20Yeah?
18:22Do we need a condom?
18:26No.
18:29Sure.
18:31Now look, Sean.
18:32Oh, God.
18:35Sobriety just gets worse and worse.
18:38Oh, thank you.
18:39I couldn't breathe in there.
18:41Now, you must help me get home.
18:43What's that, Gunny?
18:43Get me home, Sean.
18:45You want me to put you in Harry's jacket?
18:48Yes.
18:49Help me get home, dear boy.
18:52Bye-bye.
18:55Am I having a psychosis?
18:59Nah.
19:00Mega pack of bacon.
19:01Then...
19:02...little Patricia.
19:10Look at those fucking swords.
19:17That's it, man.
19:18That's it, man.
19:18Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:20Go, go, go, go.
19:23Yes, me!
19:24Oi!
19:25Go, go, go, go, go...
19:27What you nonce?
19:28Hey, Peter.
19:29Stop staring at our young flesh.
19:31Will ya?
19:32Yeah, Peter?
19:34Right, come on, man.
19:35Let's go to pub.
19:37Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
19:42You go and get changed now, my little darling.
19:45and then we'll pop down Bear Grylls, all right?
19:48Hey, we never get take care.
19:52It's time to deal with Sheridan.
19:55What? No, you and Sheridan.
19:58Why would I want to murder Sheridan's bed?
20:02Ooh, lovely mega bacon.
20:15Mine!
20:19Say good, son.
20:24That's all, ma'am.
20:27Uh, ma'am, I wanted to ask you, um...
20:34Well, cuff it up, or fuck off.
20:38Would he be a good dad, you reckon?
20:42Of course you would, son.
20:44And sadly, your personality's best prophylactic encounter.
20:48So I doubt you'll ever have to worry about Bairns,
20:52you daft bugger.
20:55Thanks, ma'am.
20:58I need to talk to you.
21:02Fuck it up, or cuff off?
21:04Wait, that's not right.
21:06You know what?
21:08Is it, ma'am?
21:08Forget it.
21:29So, apparently, he had the best day ever with Uncle Funface.
21:33Could have been talking about Harry.
21:34And you've got him doing homework.
21:37I've never seen anything like it.
21:40He reminds me of me when I was a little...
21:42about the tag man.
21:44You were tagged when you were eight?
21:47Too big for me ankle, so...
21:48they had to put it round me waist.
21:56Do you, er, want anything else?
22:03Oi!
22:05Bedtime.
22:15You, er, want...
22:18Is this a gun?
22:19Daphne, what do you like?
22:21Give me your hand, man.
22:30Sorry, Daphne.
22:31You've got them packing me sock.
22:39I'm so happy you're staying over.
22:43I want everything to be perfect.
22:45Yeah.
22:46Yeah.
22:46Just wait right there.
23:03Night, then, girlfriend.
23:05Sleep well.
23:07Oh, OK.
23:09Um...
23:09Night, night.
23:17Bye!
23:19Sorry...
23:19Did I leave my phone in here?
23:49We'll see you next time.
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