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00:05you're a waste of a life in sports depot you mean i'm wasting my life at sports depot you
00:10are in the top five most beautiful man in peterborough she's shit on my shoe you know
00:15we do the big mugs i'm thinking big bowls hella cereal or salad or thing is i need a way
00:21to make
00:21money right now congrats russell for what a new leader has arisen team leader so who's in charge
00:27narden i'm in charge yeah i like that don't you cook a little simpleton maybe this would be better
00:32in the bedroom we're gonna have sex can't wait new balance casablanca's the quietest trainer known
00:42to man perfect for surprises happy anniversary ow what the fuck ow help
00:58who let you in flatmate sophie sophie how many fucking times have i told you not to let him in
01:05under any circumstances anniversaries are a great opportunity to reflect on a relationship
01:11on our two-month anniversary i took her for a romantic dinner at cafe continental
01:16you know it's good when continental's in the title am i right claire bear i just want to say that
01:21the
01:22past two months with you have been filled with nothing but love no stop whatever this is about
01:28to be okay because you you just asked if i wanted food and i said yes it's a very simple
01:33setup i've got
01:34a surprise happy birthday to you what is he doing happy birthday to you i specifically said anniversary
01:41what is he doing no i don't like it make him stop sorry don't worry mate um yeah you can
01:47just bag it up
01:48thanks cheers i'll still pay for it are you gonna cry
01:54no i'm an embarrassment we've officially been together for one whole year we met three years ago
02:00yeah but i did some calculations you were still with your ex for the first six months so i've been
02:05counting that as half days and then all the times that you dumped me that adds up 364 days
02:11that's a whole year oh my god for you my league all right i haven't got you anything oh didn't
02:17you
02:18uh-oh it's from me to me put it from you basically thanks babe oh fuck's sake take the price
02:27tag off
02:27next time russell yeah nice there you gonna make it up to me yeah take me out tonight i just
02:35really
02:35want to go to piccinelli's yeah no i've heard that they're actually it's quite expensive in there
02:40they have a bottle of wine that costs 30 quid yeah but you're a manager now aren't you so you
02:45can afford
02:45it and maybe instead of these flowers you can you can pay for my tattoo yeah um i mean
02:54yeah i've already bought these but yeah i can definitely what are you what are you getting
03:03it's a surprise isn't it have you get matching ones no okay well can't wait to see it anniversaries
03:11one of the pillars of a stable loving relationship show me your trainers again oh my god wow yeah
03:18they are exactly the same trainers that my ex has oh but they only just came out
03:23you're making a cup of tea they've only been out two months
03:44my dealer only accepts this like spaceship type money thing now called ethereum yeah man that's
03:50crypto i dipped my toe in that shit really make some dough why do you stay working at this soul
03:55sucking toilet then it is i like to keep my feet on the ground you know it's a dangerous game
04:00in the
04:00wrong hands you get wrecked you don't understand the tech like me totally it's just mine actually
04:04doubled last night it didn't though last night did the opposite it did the bad one the opposite of
04:09doubling what happened to you it's our anniversary oh don't yeah but uh you know gentleman never tells
04:18yeah don't take it uh claire for uh anniversary meal at pucellini's later i heard they got a bottle
04:25of wine in there that's like 30 quid bro i know but i'm getting my first managerial paycheck tomorrow so
04:30that should cover it wait is that clare over there with blades yep that's me girlfriend oh it's cool
04:38that you're in an open relationship i'm not in an open relationship she's getting a tattoo from him
04:42what's she getting i know she won't tell me but you pay for it though yes that's what boyfriends
04:48do has the boyfriend ever got you a tattoo i don't think so if they did it wasn't a permanent
04:53one
04:54because like where is it you know so what basically you get to after you gave her the flowers no
05:01you do
05:02not want to know come on i wouldn't know oh yeah i just don't really know the bases uh but
05:08she let me
05:09watch her get dressed whoo yeah that's like second it might even be third nice wow oh
05:24yeah this dinner is gonna clean me right out yeah but think about it when they ask you do you
05:30want
05:30to see the specials later on you might even get to see her specials maybe dish of the day might
05:35be
05:35shaved truffle you think a misogynistic innuendo is an appropriate topic for a manager and one of
05:41his underlings to be discussing at the till no no no i don't everyone knows i hate misogyny george
05:47allen found out that a conversation about a pulsating cock thrusting towards a winking arsehole
05:53was had within earshot of customers well he'd be out of here quicker than the hot cheese spraying inside the
06:01anus oh i'm pretty sure we didn't say any of that so i heard russell right well you've just killed
06:10the vibe we're having a great time so would you mind just leaving and go and help amber bye melinga
06:26so i bought this ethereum yeah and that's worth 200 pound it's disgusting i'm getting rich literally
06:33just by existing i'm like a fat capitalist pig you know just exploiting everyone around her
06:38uh you've won that one upside down i don't really understand what this cryptocurrency thing is
06:45about it's basically supposed to disrupt the current system bring down the globalist elites and distribute
06:51wealth back to the masses just like i dreamt since i was a baby and is it fuck no you
06:57need to hang them
06:58in size order small at the front and then getting bigger as you go towards the back
07:04what are you doing just seeing which one's smaller just look at these yeah i know ladies
07:10because ladies are smaller but this one's bigger large l means large oh so m's not for men's then
07:18medium what did you think s meant sport
07:27here we are madam i can tie them in many ways crisscross tramline loop-de-loop upside down oops
07:37upside your head or normal what would you prefer i think normal thank you
07:49okay hi um i'm picking up some trainers excuse me i'm talking to you yeah have you got your order
07:55number my name's vicky lee l-e-e yeah but it'd be quicker if you just give me your order
08:00number
08:03amber you know if you convert your ethereum to bnb via pancake swap yeah you can buy this new coin
08:08called hodl what found it okay seven eight five eight four then the letter x letter r yeah i do
08:15know what i think i'm just gonna stick to ethereum i'm really not out here trying to be the wolf
08:19from
08:19wall street you know trust me you need to buy hodl yeah i'm an expert in this thing you make
08:24shit loads sorry um can we hurry up can you yeah yeah i found it um have you got some
08:29id
08:30i haven't got any id oh my money's just doubled i hate this you're kidding me right i haven't got
08:41any
08:41photo id but i'm i'm in a rush so i'm just gonna whoa whoa whoa listen you can't take it
08:45without id
08:46what do you think this is i've paid for them so i'm going to take them why are you being
08:50such a
08:50karen you can't call me a karen that's that's a hate crime that's a hate speech let go of the
08:55bean bro box ciao do you um do any cheat tables do you do meal deals do you do like
09:03a kid's menu
09:05that you could make look like a grown-ups are you the boss yeah come
09:16what did you say to her literally all i said was how can i help you madam come on man
09:23what did
09:23you say that got her so pissed i called her karen you can't call someone a karen even if it's
09:30their
09:31name fair point that is a gray area but i'm handling it she's made a formal complaint are you sure
09:39i helped
09:40fill in the form thank you so much right we need to move quickly before george allen finds out mr
09:46allen
09:46knows of malenga's horrific display of anti-customer brutality i've informed him you know that's my job
09:51not yours thank you sis nothing personal i'm just upholding sports depot standards something old
09:57russell here is physically incapable of doing i'm getting fired no you you you you have to fire him
10:04it's page 23 of the employer's code of conduct yes i'm aware that it's page 23 of the employee's code
10:11of conduct thank you i don't want to see you go but it does mean that as we're no longer
10:17colleagues
10:18we can fuck and i will show you exactly what a shaved triple is
10:31what page did you say it was
10:35i fucked
10:39i'd have to fight everyone if i stuck to this
10:49i'm freaking out you made me jump i'm not high enough though you're still here not lying on the
10:56pavement down there brain splattered tiny little dick smashed i'm not freaking out i know he's your
11:03mate but you need to grow a pair or even one i've got balls gemma really i'm just doing this
11:11properly
11:12gathering evidence making sure it's not rushed thank you
11:21hi george hello mr allen hello 999 what i had to report a fire fire yeah we're too late for
11:29the
11:29firing oh no i haven't done it yet get in that's what i like to wear so i'm a lenger
11:33on tick tock
11:36he is out of here i will see you in a bit what you're coming down yeah of course never
11:42miss a
11:42firing last week there was a doozy in the theft for branch two for one both in tears begging for
11:47the
11:47jobs he's coming here so you wait till i get there melenga's on tick tock yeah one of the customers
11:57posted it it's had three thousand views i sent it to mr allen he's coming to watch me fire him
12:02this
12:02psycho i'll do it you're no manager i can take this burden from you let you coast along like you
12:08always
12:08have no i'm firing melenga you're gonna go downstairs and you're gonna do some work this has nothing to
12:13do with you come on chase me i'm sick of you seriously i'm gonna have to lawyer up for this
12:22they cost loads as well i wonder if i can get one pro bono
12:38i can't find your tick tock allow it man maybe pass search for angry british ladies too soon man it's
12:44too soon how am i supposed to destroy the bases of the neoliberal financial fascism if i just keep
12:49making money don't tell me it's doubled again oh oh shit i don't really know what to say then
12:55you've become what you set out to destroy like darth vader bilbo baggins what you're not in the mood
13:01with me though are you no it's not you it's just i've become tick tock famous and i'm about to
13:08get
13:08fired it's like my best and worst day at the same time yeah for me that would be like a
13:12tuesday plus i'm
13:14skin everything i earn goes towards paying me and my name's rent can't tell i've been fired
13:19do you have to downsize downsize how big's your place now then it's a one bed if you downsize from
13:25that i'd be like like a no bed wouldn't it so i'm supposed to fire him but i don't i
13:35don't know what
13:35to do what would you do sorry son you you lost me at the bit where your mate twatted the
13:43bird with
13:44the big tits no i didn't say that well that's that's what i heard no i'm supposed to fire malenga
13:49my best mate this reminds me of the time that i showed jeff's wife and he was livid he was
13:59red
13:59face mad he was uncle jeff and when i realized that what i'd done might have been you know a
14:06bit
14:06off i tried to make it up to him by offering him a go on your mum you what it
14:13was like towards the end
14:14the rotted proper set engine i mean jesus christ dad that's no it all worked out
14:21now i'm done oh that's you might need to have a little think about what you can do
14:26to soften the blow for your power yeah okay thanks
14:34wait this uh this advice it don't come for free you know
14:40here we go bloody hell jesus christ outrageous
14:56to soften the blow for your power i find him i go on your mum on your mum on your
15:01mum on your mom
15:07Hiya. Yes, I'm just calling to inquire about the job.
15:13Yeah, it's Malenga. Yeah, M-U-L-E-N-G-A.
15:19And my last name... Yeah, could I call you back?
15:24Is that...?
15:24I was in 212 on the uptown. You know what's up?
15:28I was in 212 on the uptown. You know what's up?
15:31I was in 212 on the uptown. You know what's up?
15:38Have you ever thought about working in, like, another field?
15:41Like Specsavers, where Claire works?
15:43Oh, Specsavers? I've no shit about glasses.
15:45Yeah, no, I'm just trying to help.
15:47Look, I know it's not about the money for you.
15:49You don't want to lose this job because you'll miss working with me.
15:51I get it.
15:53Yeah, that's the reason, man.
15:54You know, we're a team, like, Lethal Weapon.
15:57Lethal what?
15:58It's a film.
15:59Sounds like some white man film.
16:00Well, no, Danny loves in it.
16:02But, you know, me and you, we're a team.
16:04And sometimes a team gets broken up,
16:06one gets fired for being a crazy cop.
16:08Bro, I'm not going to work with your crazy girl.
16:10Yeah, that's fair enough. Yeah, noted.
16:19What's up, my manager?
16:20Manager's gone manage.
16:21You know it, you know that.
16:23Oh.
16:24I did a new bit.
16:25Liked it.
16:25I was into that.
16:26So how are we managing today?
16:28Yeah, can we stop the manager thing?
16:31Yeah.
16:31Can't you manage it?
16:32No.
16:33I just, I came for advice.
16:35Finally.
16:36You've come to your High Street Elder.
16:38A wise choice, my liege.
16:40High Street Elder's my thing.
16:41So you shouldn't really say that without my permission.
16:44And liege means that I'm above you, so yeah, that is correct.
16:47If it's advice you need, it's advice you shall receive, young Padawan.
16:51Okay, let's, I, can we just stop all that?
16:54Buy the white wine.
16:55What?
16:55It's 30 golden sovereigns, but it's worth every sovereign.
16:59Believe me, when you get back to that boudoir.
17:02What?
17:02It's romantic advice you need, right?
17:04No, I've got that covered.
17:06How do you know about the 30 pound wine?
17:08Word on the street.
17:09You're taking your fair maiden to Puccinelli's.
17:12It's a good start.
17:13Right, well I don't need romantic advice, thank you.
17:16I need professional.
17:18Ye speak, ye shall be spoken to.
17:21Okay, have ye ever fired anyone?
17:23Not in front of the boys.
17:25How can I fire one of those guys?
17:27They get eaten alive out there.
17:28Okay.
17:31So, have you got any, any jobs at the moment?
17:34Who for?
17:36Malenga.
17:37No chance.
17:38He's useless.
17:39No, he's not useless.
17:40He's, he's my best salesman.
17:42It sounds like you're about to fire him.
17:43No, I'm, don't, don't make assumptions.
17:46Last time I was in here, he called me a prick.
17:47Yeah, that's his way of bonding.
17:48It was hurtful.
17:49Bro, I would not employ any of your vagabonds here,
17:52unless maybe Amber wanted to move across.
17:54So there are vacancies?
17:55For the right person?
17:57Right, off the top of my head, Amber.
17:59Oh, oh yeah, I wonder why.
18:01Because you fancy her, don't you?
18:02I don't.
18:03I just think she's an excellent customer service representative.
18:06Shit, I've got to go.
18:08Yeah, have your managers in today?
18:09Yeah, how'd the...
18:10Word on the street.
18:11Right, fucking, you always...
18:13Alright.
18:16Yeah.
18:17Yeah.
18:17Yeah.
18:18Try and learn it for next time.
18:19Alright.
18:20See you next time.
18:21I might be a bit later, just because I'm going through some stuff.
18:25When the sun doth sink, thou shalt log on.
18:33Yeah, bro, um...
18:34Not the greatest choice.
18:36Are you good?
18:37Yeah, I wouldn't really wear that one myself, but yeah.
18:40Working up the courage.
18:42No, George Allen isn't here yet, right?
18:43And it's nearly six, so I'll have to wait.
18:45Okay?
18:46Maybe it'll blow over by tomorrow.
18:48Pussy.
18:51Let the game begin!
18:53The fuck?
18:55What's going on?
18:55Am I too late?
18:56For the firing?
18:58What?
18:58Why are you in a mask?
19:04I'm a VIP.
19:06From Squid Game.
19:07Oh, I always thought they were a bit shit, the VIPs.
19:10Yeah, totally found a vibe of the show.
19:12Well, from a management perspective, they were the best thing in it.
19:15So, you're still there.
19:18Uh, yeah.
19:19Russell grew a vag and bottled it.
19:21That's sexist.
19:23Excellent.
19:23Right, how are we going to do this?
19:25That's what we're thinking.
19:25Yeah?
19:26Bit of red light, green light.
19:27No fucking marbles.
19:30Link, I'm sorry, man, but...
19:34Unfortunately, you're fired.
19:37Shit!
19:38I knew it!
19:40Right, this is nowhere near as exciting as a theft for branch.
19:44Can you, like, kick off a bit?
19:46Chuck some shit around, you know?
19:48No, man, I deserve it.
19:49Right, this has been a fucking waste of time.
19:51I wish you all the best in the future and whatever fucking...
19:55Underwhelming bullshit job you end up fucking doing, so that's fucking great.
19:58I'm going to clear my locker.
19:59Yeah, I'll come with you.
20:01No, man, it's good.
20:04Wait, so...
20:05Do I still work here then?
20:29No, man.
20:34It was your mate, but it's his management now, Russell.
20:38He wants to bigger and better things.
20:40You want to have the big dog.
20:42Yeah?
20:42Let me hear it.
20:44Yeah, big dog.
20:45Let me hear you bark.
20:47Yeah, that's the one.
20:49Part of being a manager is about doing things
20:51that we need to do, and it's not necessarily
20:55the things we want to do.
20:56OK.
20:57Like, do you think I want a Rolex?
21:02Yeah.
21:03No, I needed it.
21:05When I was your age.
21:08Good times.
21:11I hope my being here really helped you.
21:13Yeah.
21:15Yeah.
21:16Will you just piss away, yeah?
21:18Yeah.
21:18Will you piss away my sweet, sweet friend?
21:24Boss, and whoever you are, come.
21:27What's going on?
21:28Whoever I am.
21:30Is he taking the piss?
21:31Doesn't he read Sportsnetta magazine?
21:33Yeah.
21:40It's not fair.
21:41I've made like two grand today, yeah, doing nothing.
21:44And you've lost your whole career and life's work.
21:46So, I'm just going to give you all my money.
21:49I can't let you do that, yeah?
21:51That's your ticket out of this dump.
21:52Yeah, but you gave me the financial advice.
21:54And if you followed it, you'd be in the dirt like me.
21:57But I want to be in the dirt.
21:58It's better that way.
21:59Do you know how stressful it is working the global stock market?
22:02Yeah.
22:02I'm going to just give you all my money, honestly.
22:04You do that for me?
22:06Yeah.
22:07It's just one thing, yeah?
22:10Do you know how I get these space numbers from my phone to yours?
22:12It's like, do I need like a wire or something?
22:17I'm really sorry Russell fired you.
22:18Fuck Russell, man.
22:20I've taken him out my iPhone faves.
22:21There he is.
22:23My bestie.
22:25Eggers has found something.
22:26My office now.
22:27I always wanted to say that.
22:28Sounds good.
22:29It's got a good ring to it.
22:32I sent videos of angry British people back home for my family to watch.
22:37Right, and back home is...
22:39Swindon.
22:40Swindon.
22:40I was sending Karen's video for my wife to see, but then I found this new one.
22:45Excuse me!
22:46I'm fucking mate!
22:47Get off your hands!
22:48Oh!
22:48Trader feed!
22:49Oh, someone who's like that calling me a traitor thief!
22:51That's ironic!
22:52Someone who's like that!
22:54Someone who's like that!
22:55Someone who's like that!
22:55Oh wow, we'll fucking turn that off because she's a bloody racist, so just jump in there.
23:00Wow.
23:00You know what it says in the Sports Depot Code of Conduct, right?
23:03It says that no member of staff should tolerate hate speech or racist abuse by a customer.
23:08I told you she's a Karen.
23:09So, I shouldn't have fired him.
23:12I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in you.
23:17But you told me to fire him.
23:19What, a middle-aged white man firing a black employee who's just offended himself against a racist customer?
23:24Well, I tell you what, Russell, the optics don't look great, do they?
23:27They look like a fucking car crash.
23:29Wow.
23:30You couldn't fire Malenga when you should have and you shouldn't have fired him when you did.
23:35You're like the king of fuckwits.
23:37So wait, am I fired or not?
23:39You, sir, are most certainly not fired, okay?
23:42Sports Depot would like to apologise unreservedly for any anguish that has been caused by your manager.
23:48Prid.
23:49And on behalf of Sports Depot, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
23:52I'm going to raise your salary by 50%.
23:55If that'll stop you from speaking to anyone about this.
23:57Fuck, man, for that much I won't even put it on the socials.
24:00Sort of implicit in what I'm saying there.
24:02And, and, just, Russell, mate, you're fired.
24:12What?
24:13I don't think you can fire yourself, bro.
24:16I failed you guys. I failed my best friend.
24:19I'm not your best friend.
24:19I've let you down. I've let you down.
24:22You let me down.
24:23I don't give a fuck about you.
24:25Most importantly, I've let down Sports Depot.
24:28So, for that, I will fall on my sword like a Shaolin warrior.
24:32I accept your self-firing, Russell.
24:36But, erm, yeah, you're going to need to do something for me.
24:40Come here, big dog.
24:43What am I?
24:44Don't need to.
24:45We're going down.
24:46What, what are we doing?
24:47That's the one.
24:47I don't want to do this thing.
24:49In your place.
24:50Yeah.
24:51Effective immediately.
24:53I am proud to hire...
24:56No fucking way, Jenna. No.
24:57It's Russell.
24:58What the shit?
24:59Well, I'm...
25:03You may rise.
25:09So I'm rehired?
25:10Effective immediately.
25:11And the best news is, cause of Sports Depot's fire and rehire policy,
25:15you're going to be on a starting wage with reduced benefits.
25:19Once again, George Allen saving the motherfucking day.
25:24This is nothing that's good game.
25:28What about now?
25:32Watch the step.
25:35I could still taste the oysters.
25:38Yeah, same.
25:40Oh, God.
25:41Thank you so much for getting all three desserts, cause I just couldn't choose.
25:45That's okay.
25:46Um, I mean, anything for me, woman.
25:49Although I will have to sell some trains to pay for it, which is cool.
25:53Oh, there's something I want to tell you, so...
25:55Shh.
25:56Fuck me like it's the first time.
25:58It sort of is, really.
25:59This is...
25:59Okay.
26:00With...
26:09Are you thinking of your ex?
26:11I don't know.
26:12Okay.
26:13No.
26:13Okay.
26:15Ah!
26:16Jesus!
26:17What, I cut my nails and everything like you said?
26:18No, no, no, no.
26:19It's my tattoo.
26:20Oh, right.
26:21What, you got a tattoo there?
26:22Oh, my God.
26:22Yeah, on my fanny, yeah.
26:23Oh, right.
26:23I thought you were getting like a dolphin on your ankle.
26:26Oh, my God.
26:26I heard that it's really sore, actually.
26:28Oh, so what?
26:30Blades was down there?
26:31Yeah.
26:31Oh.
26:32Down there for a good few hours, actually.
26:34Can I see it?
26:35No.
26:35No.
26:36Can we do me now?
26:41You do you.
26:42Yeah?
26:43Yeah, you do you.
26:44And I'll do me.
26:44Oh, do myself?
26:45Yeah, and I'll do myself.
26:47Okay.
26:47Don't look at me, though.
26:48All right.
26:50Just...
26:50Oh, it's...
26:51Feels like you're breathing really loudly.
26:54Oh, it's just a really long belt.
26:57Don't listen.
26:58I know what you're thinking.
27:00That's the best anniversary present a man can have.
27:03You spark this quickly.
27:05Well, you're wrong.
27:06The real gift is being manager.
27:09Giving a pay rise to your best mate.
27:11Lead.
27:12Proving that Sports Depot has more to offer than the whole continent of Australia.
27:20Learning from the best in the retail game.
27:23Nine am and I'm nearly a drop of caffeine yet.
27:25Can I give a shit this is your birthday?
27:27While standing on the shoulders of giants.
27:31Wait, did he just put creatine in his tea?
27:34Still haven't worked that guy out yet.
27:38Dad may have showed me what it is to be a man.
27:42But Sports Depot taught me what it is to be a manager.
27:46I can't wait to see what else it has in store for me.
27:50And I think I speak for everyone when I say that.
27:55Life giveth and life taketh awayeth.
27:58It took me nine years to be a manager.
28:01And my only worry is that I peak too soon.
28:04Ask me if I'd do it all over again.
28:06Exactly the same.
28:07And I'll tell you.
28:09Absolutely.
28:10In a really big heartbeat.
28:12And who wouldn't want to start this trainer collection again?
28:14For fuck's sake.
28:45Till it's over.
28:46Till it's over.
28:47Cause it's far from over.
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