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7 Days (NZ) Season 18 Episode 5
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00:22Welcome to Lord Flight 7 Days, I'm your captain Jeremy Court and boy do I have a treat for
00:27all you fans of a good sesquicentennial. It is our 450th episode, we couldn't have done
00:33it without you at home for watching a nation of bloody legends and our legendary in-studio
00:37audience. Give yourselves a round of applause. Alright, let's delve into the news of the week
00:45for the 450th time and meet the teams. The leader of Team 1 has had a good week actually
00:50on Tuesday, Search and Rescue found a pair of missing hikers in his beard, it's Rhys Matthewsson.
00:55Thank you Jeremy. Right week, good news, good result. Lovely to see you, you do not look
01:00a day of a 449 episode. We have a very powerful Team 1 this evening, he killed a man with
01:06his
01:07bear hands and she killed a bear with her man hands. And the captain of Team 2 is an O
01:15-N-Z-M
01:16which stands for Ordinary New Zealand Man. Putting the D-H into A-D-H-D, it's Dye Hamlet.
01:25Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I got a little badge as well, so O-N-Z-M
01:30and
01:30it was very flash. That's very cool. Now Team 2, look at these two, they're sort of like
01:35the odd couple cast in a movie where their friends die and they get custody of a baby.
01:42Just things to think about, it's Angela Drummond and Chris Barker.
01:49Our first game of F430, as we like to call it, is Newsmakers, where I rip a clip from
01:54a big news story of the week and the panellists have to inform me which story it is from. Team
01:591, you're up first, you're going to hear a new topical term, I want you to tell me what
02:03it means.
02:03Yeah, I think we've all learnt in recent weeks of this new phrase, crack spread, which sounds
02:09rude.
02:11It does. Crack spread, that's like Nutella. Crack spread's like crack.
02:17Yeah, yeah. I thought crack spread was what happens when you don't call novice for your
02:21windshield.
02:24No, this is very clearly based on the Iran economic response down the bottom. This is to do with
02:31oil. We currently have 50 days worth of oil left, 51 if we squeeze out Brian Tamaki's
02:36hair.
02:39As I'm sure all of you at home know, crack spread is the difference in price between
02:42a barrel of crude oil and the petrol refined from it. It's in the news because we're running
02:47out of fuel. May even have to revert to carless days, the scheme from the 1970s. So welcome
02:52to our fuel crisis. I mean, those people who have always said, you know, children are
02:56our most precious natural resource must be feeling pretty stupid right now.
03:01I mean, carless days sucks for commuters, but it's absolutely devastating for Tina from
03:05Turners.
03:08Cyclists are just going to feel really weird though. Like on a carless day, they'll feel
03:14like how ducks feel the day after hunting season ends.
03:23I do kind of like the idea though, that like, all the boy racers that would drive by and
03:27call me a homophobic slur have to do it from an e-bike now.
03:34It takes out a bit of the punch boys, doesn't it?
03:37It's good to see schools are pivoting. I know at my son's school they're now teaching
03:41you how to siphon petrol from your neighbour's car.
03:45It could just be an Avondale thing, but we're...
03:49You know what, I think we're going to be fine because I reckon it's going to be just like
03:52when the fuel light comes on in your car. Like when the fuel reserves go. We've got like
03:5640 or 50k left, I reckon.
03:59So we have carless days too, but we just call it being poor.
04:05You're not going to be surprised to hear this, but I remember the carless days from the 1970s.
04:13But you don't, it's not all cars aren't off the road all the time. You get a sticker,
04:17different colour for every day of the week, and you have to put that on your car. So we
04:20got a green sticker, I think, which meant we couldn't drive that car on Tuesdays. So luckily
04:25we had hundreds of cars, so it wasn't a problem.
04:29So, I'm a massive straight of Hormuz guy, right?
04:32What?
04:33Like, like, you know.
04:36So, what?
04:37You know the straight of Hormuz, right? I'm a big man.
04:40Straight and Hormuz?
04:42No, straight.
04:43Straits of Hormuz, we're the, the, the, the, the, yeah.
04:46All right, all right.
04:50That is not my name. If anyone from the States is watching, not my name.
04:54I know it's not your name. You've just got a very similar vibe.
04:56It's the bottle, it's the bottleneck for all the chain of, yeah, supply.
04:59Well, you're telling me I'm a massive straight of Hormuz?
05:01I know you've got it.
05:02So, I was into it before everyone else, right?
05:05Oh, really?
05:06I was blocking that shit with a kayak and a shotgun way back in the day.
05:09But, what I don't understand is, we've got planes.
05:14Why don't you fly the oil out?
05:16Eh? You haven't thought of that, have you, mate?
05:19I think oil tankers can take about 120 million litres of fuel.
05:23I don't know that your average aeroplane's going to handle that.
05:27Yeah, you don't know.
05:28Are you saying it?
05:31The crucial part.
05:33All right, team two, we're coming over to you.
05:35Why is this a newsmaker? Please, have a look at this.
05:37Throw your phone in a lake.
05:39Throw it in the garbage. Get rid of it.
05:41I think this is what happens if you've got a flip phone.
05:44Just chuck it.
05:47Why would you be chapping your phone away?
05:49Spying on you, eh?
05:50You think so?
05:51Yeah, I mean, you're always thinking that people are listening in on you.
05:53Yeah, no, I'm a step ahead, you know?
05:56Never use my government name.
05:57Stranded by us, eh?
05:58What does it, Dye?
05:59Well, this is paranoia around people thinking their phones are spying on them.
06:05So, she's obviously going the extreme, chuck it in the river.
06:07Yeah, new research suggests your phone is not actively listening to you.
06:12As many people fear the reality, even creepier.
06:15It's tracking everything else you do
06:17and predicting which ads will appeal to you the most.
06:20For me, I think it's better to be safe than sorry.
06:23I assume my phone is listening.
06:25When I talk to myself, I put on a variety of different voices,
06:28so at least my phone thinks I have friends, you know?
06:32It'll report back to the HQ, Jeremy, lots of friends.
06:35All different nationalities.
06:38Some probably shouldn't be doing.
06:44People are so paranoid about, like, their tech spying on them.
06:47Like, lots of people put their, like, a little bit of tape over their laptop camera.
06:51I don't do that because I actually perform better when I know I'm being watched.
06:56I try to unlock my phone in my face
06:58and it just suggested I go to Turkey for gastric sleep.
07:03Wow.
07:05If our phones are listening to us, though,
07:07I'd just like to get out ahead of the scandal and formally apologise to my phone.
07:11That accent that I was doing by myself
07:14was actually a celebration of Jamaican culture.
07:17There's actually an amazing...
07:18There's this amazing day when the algorithm works out that you're gay.
07:24Because it's sort of, like, it sort of susses you out like a sort of estranged auntie would,
07:27where it's sort of just like, what's going on with you, Chris?
07:29And then one day it's like...
07:34Chris, you're gay.
07:36You might like these rainbow shorts with a built-in jockstrap.
07:42And I do.
07:43I love them.
07:44I'm wearing them right now.
07:45This is true.
07:46I got recommended...
07:47I started getting recommended, like, diabetes medication.
07:50Hmm.
07:51Now, I do not have diabetes.
07:53You will.
08:01You sounded like a threat!
08:03What does she know?
08:04Yeah, yeah.
08:05I was talking to your phone about it.
08:11Oh, that was a great round.
08:12They had both news and making.
08:13Love it.
08:14For points, team one, you can have seven.
08:16Liam Lawson's placing in the Chinese Grand Prix and the sprint.
08:18The race was won by 19-year-old Kimmy Antonelli.
08:21What were you doing when you were 19, eh?
08:23Team two, 30,000.
08:25Good score.
08:25That's the prize money won by far north man Harley Rah,
08:29derreeling in a 7.6kg snapper.
08:31The 90-mile beach snapper,
08:33Bonanza World's biggest surf casting festival,
08:35which means the star goes to team two!
08:43It is, as mentioned, our 450th episode,
08:46so the team that gets the most stars this evening
08:48will win a wonderful prize,
08:49and I'm very excited to present it to you,
08:51especially this week.
08:52I spent all night working on it.
08:54Have a look at that and go, ooh.
08:55That is...
08:55Ooh!
08:56Yes.
08:57Ooh!
08:57That is one cake with 450 candles,
09:0123 million calories,
09:02and it says everything about seven days, I think.
09:05Yeah.
09:06What's the doll...
09:07There's like a...
09:09Why is there a doll one?
09:10Oh, doll pineapples.
09:12So you can take that,
09:14light it up, eat it,
09:15freeze it,
09:16use it for a doorstop,
09:17whatever you do, teams,
09:18if you win tonight,
09:19if you get enough stars.
09:19All right, time now for Yes Minister on 7 Days,
09:21where politicians are encouraged to answer
09:23these guys' hardball questions
09:24without giving us a yes or no.
09:26So this week,
09:27all the way from the Ikira or Rafati electorate
09:29on the East Coast,
09:30please welcome
09:30Kushla Tangari Manuel.
09:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:36Well, welcome.
09:38Sit yourself down.
09:40So your job to answer the questions
09:42but not use yes or no.
09:43Got it?
09:45Ka-pai.
09:45Ka-pai.
09:47All right, teams.
09:49Kushla, you are the co-chairperson
09:51of the Parliamentary Group
09:52for Latin American and Caribbean Friendship.
09:54Is that right?
09:55I am.
09:56So would you say it's OK to do an accent
09:58as long as it's a celebration of Jamaica?
10:00LAUGHTER
10:02That's not something I've partaken in.
10:05Kushla, I see that you're now the spokesperson
10:08for emergency management and natural hazards.
10:11Does this mean you're now responsible
10:13for the natural hazard that is David Seymour?
10:15LAUGHTER
10:18Nobody can take responsibility.
10:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:21There was a nobody.
10:22There was a nobody.
10:23Nobody.
10:24No body.
10:24Nobody.
10:25There's an unnatural hazard, anyway.
10:27Um, Kushla, la, la,
10:29that's the way that we rock
10:30when we're doing our thing.
10:32Kushla, la, la, la.
10:34That's the la that we bring.
10:36It's not always about you.
10:38Yeah, I've got a question.
10:39I was just opening it up
10:40with a sick rendition of the Fugees.
10:44LAUGHTER
10:45I feel we're being sidetracked
10:47by the white man once again.
10:50LAUGHTER
10:52Kushla, is it true
10:54that if Winston Peters stays out after midnight
10:57he turns into a pouch of tobacco?
10:59LAUGHTER
11:00I couldn't possibly comment.
11:02Oh, of course.
11:04Kushla.
11:04Kia ora.
11:05Um, thank you, thank you for your service.
11:08LAUGHTER
11:09You're welcome.
11:10Uh, my question is,
11:12did you put a hyphen in your name
11:15just so that the people in your electorate
11:18that also has a hyphen in its name
11:20would succumb to some sort of subliminal wizardry
11:25and thus elect you?
11:28The true answer is actually very, very boring,
11:31but, you know, there's no harm
11:32in spreading yourself across whakapapa
11:34when it comes to elections.
11:36Oh.
11:37That's good.
11:38Uh, Kushla, is it true
11:40that Shane Jones is turning the beehive
11:42into a secret oil depot for MP?
11:44LAUGHTER
11:45I'm getting paranoid
11:46about all these New Zealand First questions.
11:49Ironically, they don't actually have New Zealand First.
11:52LAUGHTER
11:54LAUGHTER
11:54You used to be the CEO
11:55of Nazi Paro East Coast Rugby, right?
11:57Correct.
11:58So if politics doesn't work out,
11:59do you reckon you could be a head coach of the All Blacks?
12:02LAUGHTER
12:02Is that an easier job?
12:04Someone actually asked me that.
12:06Yeah, it was me.
12:07Actually...
12:08LAUGHTER
12:09Just now.
12:10It was another comedian.
12:12Actually, rugby is a great preparation for politics.
12:17If you look at the structure of New Zealand rugby,
12:20it's made up of provincial unions and clubs,
12:23who, you know, therefore constituencies,
12:25who all want their best interests represented.
12:27And there's a lot of f***wits with head injury.
12:30LAUGHTER
12:32APPLAUSE
12:35Kuchler, Dahin, with Diploma and Philosophy.
12:38LAUGHTER
12:40Is the future of New Zealand hopeful?
12:43Absolutely the future of New Zealand is hopeful,
12:45and I see it every day.
12:47In the communities I served throughout Ikaroa Rāwhiti,
12:50even though we know that the cost of living is going crazy.
12:53When I visit families and communities,
12:57they have aspirations and plans for the future of Aotearoa.
13:00And themselves.
13:02Oh.
13:02Hey!
13:03LAUGHTER
13:06APPLAUSE
13:10Sorry, Bunny Duncan, um...
13:13Hi.
13:14LAUGHTER
13:14I'm just wondering, I notice you're not wearing socks.
13:21Um...
13:21LAUGHTER
13:21Did you ever used to buy, uh, red socks
13:26in your...
13:27prior to getting into Parliament?
13:30And do you now consider...
13:32If not, do you now consider red as a potential sock...
13:36..colour...
13:37..when you're...
13:39..sock shopping?
13:41Uh, typically I wear socks.
13:44OK.
13:46Just not.
13:46They just wouldn't be a good look with their shoes.
13:49Ah, yeah.
13:49Oh, yeah.
13:50Fair play.
13:51You, um, you went to Ngata Memorial College?
13:54Ngata, yes.
13:55Ah!
13:56Ah!
13:58It doesn't count, Ray.
13:59It doesn't count.
14:00You can say that as much as you like.
14:01But you were head girl.
14:02I was head girl at Ngata Memorial College.
14:06Awesome.
14:06I just wanted a yes.
14:08LAUGHTER
14:09Sorry, and with your youth...
14:10..uniform at the...
14:12LAUGHTER
14:14..the...
14:15..the...
14:15..college.
14:16I'm just checking.
14:17Did you have to wear socks?
14:19LAUGHTER
14:19..men?
14:21There were standard socks.
14:23Right.
14:23And you were aware of...?
14:25I was.
14:26OK.
14:27That's all.
14:28LAUGHTER
14:30LAUGHTER
14:30Do you still work for TVNZ as well?
14:33As a...as a reporter?
14:34I did.
14:35Do you...
14:35Do your mates go easy on you in press conferences?
14:38LAUGHTER
14:40They do not.
14:41Oh?
14:41Yeah.
14:42In fact, sometimes they can go...
14:44Oh, that's a yeah.
14:45Oh!
14:46Give it up for Kushla Tangari Magdal.
14:48Well done.
14:50You nailed it.
14:52Thank you so much.
14:53Thanks.
14:54Thanks.
14:54Take a fair time.
14:56And congratulations to our winning team, Team 2.
14:59Congratulations.
15:00You get a star, Team 2.
15:02Time now for the burger-fueled brain grill.
15:04This week, we're taking the DeLorean back to 2014.
15:07Team 1, what is happening in this picture, please?
15:092014.
15:10Oh, this is the good old days when we had spare petrol for play.
15:15LAUGHTER
15:16Is this Wellington's first shit-go-at-the-bucket fountain?
15:20LAUGHTER
15:22This is an amniotic-fluid gender-reveal party.
15:26LAUGHTER
15:27LAUGHTER
15:28Tastes like a boy.
15:30LAUGHTER
15:32LAUGHTER
15:32Uh, 2014, I'm going to guess
15:34that this is Ice Bucket Challenge or some shit.
15:37Boom, yeah, that was the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge
15:39undertaken by millions of people across the world
15:41to raise money for motor neuron disease.
15:43Uh, remember it myself,
15:44someone nominated me to do that challenge.
15:46Unfortunately, I was already doing
15:47the Say No to Stupid Challenges Challenge,
15:49so...
15:50..couldn't do it.
15:51All right, let's take five.
15:52You put your bathing costume on.
15:54After the break, we'll head off to Club Topicana
15:56here on Seven Days.
16:03CHEERING
16:07T'alolfo and welcome back to Seven Days.
16:10Our Prime Minister flew to Samoa this week,
16:12but we can only afford the fuel to get to that screen over there
16:14for Club Topicana.
16:15Let's go, play the steel drums.
16:17CHEERING
16:28Yes, Club Topicana, as always, brought to you by dull pineapples.
16:32Corby fact, pineapples contain an enzyme called bromelain,
16:35which is used to soften meat.
16:37Exactly what I need every time I see one of them sexy pineapples.
16:40LAUGHTER
16:41All right, inside this gorgeous fruit,
16:43none of my bodily fluids,
16:45but a collection of topical tales
16:46I picked from the Garden of News this week.
16:48Let's dig in.
16:49I want to hear a little bit more about some of these.
16:51OK, weddings.
16:52National MP Mark Mitchell is getting married.
16:54Congratulations, Mark.
16:55It will be his fourth time doing so,
16:57which is interesting.
16:58I've never been to a fourth wedding before.
16:59Very much like to.
17:01Show me some scenes from a fourth wedding, please.
17:06LAUGHTER
17:08Gary, Gary.
17:10Gary, this is Gary.
17:11He's a great priest.
17:12Hi, Gary.
17:13How's it been?
17:14How are the kids?
17:15It's great to see you again, yeah.
17:17Oh, this is, um, Stephanie.
17:19Sorry, Michelle.
17:19Stephanie.
17:20Michelle.
17:21Mike.
17:22Wendy.
17:24Dominic.
17:24Judith.
17:25Mike.
17:26Ju-
17:26Janae?
17:27J-
17:28I'm just so happy.
17:30LAUGHTER
17:31LAUGHTER
17:32LAUGHTER
17:34And I now pronounce you husband and wife.
17:37And if you pass me your loyalty card,
17:39I'll stamp it,
17:40and your next one's free.
17:42There you go.
17:43LAUGHTER
17:46And if anyone here has any reason
17:50these two should not wed besides you three...
17:54LAUGHTER
17:56LAUGHTER
17:56LAUGHTER
17:57LAUGHTER
18:05I'm an elderly granny, by the way.
18:08LAUGHTER
18:10LAUGHTER
18:14Well, I'm not bothering learning this sluzzer's name.
18:19LAUGHTER
18:31You'll make a kiss of bride.
18:38LAUGHTER
18:41LAUGHTER
19:03All right, back to the pineapple we go for our next story.
19:07Sticking with politicians, Crime Minister...
19:09Crime Minister?
19:11Here you are!
19:12Oh!
19:14Oh!
19:16Oh!
19:19Take that!
19:21Yeah!
19:21Take that!
19:22Crime Minister!
19:23I was so woke!
19:27Now, now, poor Lux is catching strays from the far right.
19:40Prime Minister, I should have just said PM.
19:43Prime Minister Chris Lux has visited Samoa this week, as mentioned, was gifted the title of
19:47Matai, or Samoa in Chief.
19:48That was a work trip.
19:50What would a vacation be like for an MP, you know, holiday?
19:53Give us some examples of politicians on island holidays, please.
20:00Buller, Mr Hipkins, here's your eight bottles of sunscreen.
20:03Let's not get burnt twice in one weekend.
20:11It gives me great pleasure to be the first European here.
20:14a...
20:15ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
20:21Ah-ah-ah!
20:23Ah-ha-ah!
20:23Ah-ha-ah-ah!
20:24Ah-ha!
20:25Winston!
20:27Winston!
20:36Oh, that's a lot of coconuts.
20:40Sorry, it feels weird coming from me.
20:41Rhys, can you say it?
20:45Oh, that's a lot of coconuts.
20:51Do it in a Jamaican accent.
20:54More, more, a lot of coconuts up in Japan.
20:57CHEERING
20:59Send the clap, send the clap.
21:00All right, goodbye.
21:03As a celebration of their culture.
21:10Talofa.
21:13We're not in Samoa, Judith.
21:15This is Bali.
21:20Potato, potato.
21:26Excuse me, excuse me.
21:27Did I just hear David Seymour's on the snorkelling expedition?
21:31Can I book a spearfishing tour, please?
21:34LAUGHTER
21:40I'm sorry, young man.
21:42You have to be 18 or over for the spa pool.
21:43Oh, sorry, Simeon Brown.
21:45I'm so sorry.
21:47You look so little in your ash vest.
21:49LAUGHTER
21:53Oh, darling, those togs are far too small.
21:56I can see you're Member of Parliament.
21:58LAUGHTER
22:01Checking in.
22:03A reservation.
22:04What I would say to you is that we may have a reservation,
22:08but there are many New Zealanders with or without reservations,
22:10and we're doing our absolute best to ensure those reservations
22:13for Kiwis who want reservations.
22:15In terms of the practicalities, look, we haven't ruled anything out.
22:19We haven't ruled anything out.
22:20The actual problem is we're dealing with a reservation problem
22:23from the last government.
22:24LAUGHTER
22:28Oh, and this hotel has a 35% approval rating, which is good.
22:33LAUGHTER
22:33No need to change the hotel.
22:36LAUGHTER
22:37I think that's very popular, 35%.
22:39That's 35% who believe in this hotel.
22:43LAUGHTER
22:46LAUGHTER
22:47Mr Speaker, I'd like to address the opposition.
22:50Hey!
22:50Fuck el calma, oi, eh?
22:53LAUGHTER
22:59So, let's go to our next story.
23:02Louis Thoreau's documentary about the Manosphere
23:04is making a few waves this week.
23:05Great film.
23:06I'd like to see some examples of docos
23:08that didn't make such a splash.
23:10Teams, if you'd be so kind,
23:12show me some rejected documentaries, please.
23:16This is another docuseries on the Mushroom Murder trial,
23:21but this time, from the point of view of the Mushrooms.
23:24LAUGHTER
23:27LAUGHTER
23:27LAUGHTER
23:30LAUGHTER
23:31Two men, one kayak.
23:32The gay of Hormuz.
23:34LAUGHTER
23:36LAUGHTER
23:37LAUGHTER
23:42Siphoning Comedians' Life Force.
23:44The Secret to Eternal Youth,
23:45a Jeremy Corbett story.
23:47LAUGHTER
23:49LAUGHTER
23:52To all of New Zealand,
23:54I'm just the mad butcher.
23:55LAUGHTER
23:56But when I look in the mirror,
23:58I'm the sad butcher.
24:01LAUGHTER
24:02LAUGHTER
24:05Dude, where's my slippers?
24:08LAUGHTER
24:0824 hours inside the wildest rest home in Hamilton.
24:13LAUGHTER
24:14LAUGHTER
24:15All right, one more for you.
24:17This week, a Hawke's Bay pub celebrated...
24:19Celebrated?
24:20Jacinda Ardern's new book by burning it.
24:23Oh, I've never heard of that happening before.
24:24But it did intrigue me,
24:26so I'd like to see some more examples
24:27of unlikely things to hear in a rural pub.
24:33LAUGHTER
24:33Yeah, g'day.
24:34Just the one shandy, thanks.
24:36LAUGHTER
24:39Yeah, sorry.
24:40You reckon you could turn that sport down?
24:42My mate's just opening up about his divorce.
24:57LAUGHTER
24:58Whoa, whoa, whoa.
25:07Kia ora, I'm Dave, he, they.
25:16Yeah, shit, I've had a few, I might not actually drive.
25:25All right, all right, everyone. Let's just start the night with a cut of kia.
25:33So, you know, mate, it's a D, like Jacinda, not Jacinta.
25:43Sorry to say that like Akaroa, there's a bit of oil in the water.
25:46Take a couple of mouthfuls, because that stuff worth heaps.
25:48Play the steel drums, everyone. Sit yourselves down.
25:55I say things. They're not always words or sentences.
26:01All right, very good. Top of Kana, thank you, teams.
26:04Team one, you can have the amount paid at an auction for David Gilmore's guitar,
26:07used on several of Pink Floyd's best albums.
26:09$24 million.
26:11Nice.
26:11NZ, not bad for the black strat.
26:13Team two, you can have 2,200.
26:15That's the number of live ants a man was attempting to smuggle out of Kenya.
26:20Oh, bloody former Karium market, eh? Too tempting.
26:23Guitars beats ants. Star goes to team one.
26:29All right, team two, your turn now for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.
26:33We're going back to 2014, as mentioned.
26:35Sneaker peek.
26:35And tell me, who is this person talking about?
26:38You are incredible.
26:40You are courageous.
26:42You are hardworking.
26:44He's not talking to his box of Viagra, is he?
26:49Speaking to his supporters, that's what he was doing.
26:51That was then Labor leader David Cunliffe,
26:53who valiantly led his party to a glorious silver medal in the 2014 election.
26:58Lowest election result in MMP history, with 25% of the vote.
27:02Ow.
27:02He was the 15th leader of the Labor Party, and the 12th one called David.
27:06All right, let's all take five to towel off,
27:08and regather meat here after the break for the cult classic
27:11My Kid Could Draw That, right here on Seven Days.
27:24Welcome back to Seven Days, you.
27:25You look good.
27:26Time now to whip out your felts and crayons for a round of My Kid Could Draw That,
27:29where creative children paint their best portraits of a news event
27:32for our critical comedians.
27:34This week, we're headed to Matapō Primary School
27:36on the Teatatū Peninsula.
27:38Thank you for having us, Matapō.
27:40So, let's see how the kids went.
27:41Team one, you are first up.
27:43What has your kid drawn here, please?
27:45My name is Nadia, and I go to Matapō Primary School,
27:48and this is my picture.
27:52Great picture, Nadia.
27:53Great.
27:54Beautiful use of perspective.
27:56Cubist, almost.
27:57Yeah.
27:58Very textural.
28:00Very textural.
28:01Okay, I'm seeing a fruit band.
28:04Seven Days.
28:06Seven Days is there, so clearly a fan of the show.
28:08We've got aisles.
28:10We've got a supermarket.
28:11A band is playing in the supermarket.
28:14They are training fruit to play music in supermarkets.
28:21Yeah, that's the answer, yeah.
28:22Why not?
28:24Yeah.
28:25Because that would be nonsensical.
28:27But let's check with Nadia.
28:28Nadia, what have you drawn, please?
28:30My picture is about supermarkets being the hottest new concert venue.
28:34This is the band, and they're all Mexicans, and they are all fruit, well, most of the fruits, and an
28:42ice cream.
28:42They're playing Mexicany music because they're Mexicans.
28:46And the name of the group is the Fruity Mexicans.
28:49The strawberry is playing the maracas.
28:52The supermarket is open seven days a week, like the TV show.
28:57What could be better than that?
28:59And this is my picture.
29:04You definitely win right there.
29:07A supermarket in Delaware in the US has started putting on music gigs inside the supermarket to attract shoppers,
29:12and apparently is working since introducing the scam.
29:14Customer numbers have nearly doubled.
29:16Wow.
29:17It's a good idea.
29:18Actually, I saw Dave Dobbin performing at our supermarket once, except he was outside and asking for money.
29:25I said, you're good.
29:26You should form a band with some other dudes.
29:28And, yeah.
29:29Oh.
29:31The rest is history.
29:32I mean, to be fair, the pack and save at Mount Albert already feels like a mosh pit.
29:36You know, like, get out of my way.
29:38Bring out the rotisserie chickens.
29:41I think that's a bad idea.
29:42I wouldn't ever want to do a gig where there's throwable fruit within arm's reach.
29:46Yeah.
29:48I can imagine the musicians talking about it, though, like, going, yeah, yeah, I've got a couple of four squares
29:54coming up this week.
29:56A little bit nervous.
29:58Apparently, the agent from Fresh Choice is going to be there.
30:02Who books that?
30:05I'm just stoked because I don't currently hear enough 660 at the supermarket.
30:11I'm trusting Woolworths.
30:13There'll be, like, one ethnic member of the band and they're like, you have to play in the international aisle.
30:20Why is there, like, international tortillas and then, like, normal tortillas?
30:27It's like, they're just both tortillas, though.
30:30Just put them in the tortilla aisle.
30:31All Foods International, if you're looking about it.
30:34I would be into it, though.
30:36Like, a little loungy kind of Burt Bacharach.
30:40Yes.
30:40Bossin' over trio in the corner.
30:42Why don't you buy a little yam?
30:46And then put it in your trolley.
30:49Yes.
30:49And then you buy another yam.
30:52And then you got two yams.
30:56Cha-cha-cha.
30:57Great.
30:58I go to Countdown a lot.
31:00I've never seen two employees that happen.
31:07Excuse me, where's the grain of cheese?
31:11Apparently they wanted to get Kurt Cobain, but he used the self-checkout back in 1910.
31:21You could use holograms, couldn't you, for getting your favourite dip?
31:25You could have, you know, Tupac and Save.
31:32NWA, but the NW stands for New World.
31:36Oh, I love a new world with an attitude.
31:41All right, back to Matapau Primary Team 2.
31:44It is your turn.
31:45Tell me what this kid has drawn, please.
31:47My name is Ayla.
31:48I go to Matipo School and this is my picture.
31:52Whoa.
31:53It's a triptych.
31:54It is a triptych.
31:55So we're working in three things here.
31:58Common element.
31:59Sun and the hot air balloon.
32:00The middle ones are zooming.
32:03Oh, my God.
32:04There are people who've fallen out of the hot air balloon.
32:07Yes.
32:07Oh, my God.
32:09Oh, my God.
32:09Yeah.
32:10I hope this isn't just a horrific air balloon accident that we're covering.
32:15Also, I've just realised, you may not see it, but it says lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick on the
32:19side here, which is interesting.
32:21Ah, yeah.
32:21Interesting detail.
32:22The thing you usually hear after people plummet from an air balloon and hit the ground and everyone's, ooh, lick,
32:29lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick.
32:51A key and a missile on top of it.
32:56What's going on?
32:57OK.
32:58Jeremy, our wonderful artist has successfully drawn every news story from you.
33:03LAUGHTER
33:04And put it in this beautiful triptych.
33:07Yeah.
33:08Pretty confusing.
33:09Isla, can you tell us, please, what you've drawn?
33:11My picture is about people making butter while running.
33:15In scene one, a girl with bags of cream and salt strapped to her arms.
33:20She's running through the dog park and there are dogs and rabbits looking at her because they like the smell
33:25of the cream and salt.
33:26In the second scene, the girl's running on the road.
33:29As you can see, the dogs and rabbits have kicked the two guys out of the hot air balloons.
33:34Now they're falling and screaming, ah!
33:37When she got home, after all that effort, she couldn't find the butter because all the animals found a way
33:44to steal it and now they're licking it.
33:46If I was going to make butter, I would steer clear of all dog parks.
33:51And this is my picture.
33:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:56I have to be honest, I'll have more questions than answers.
34:03Burn and churn is the theme.
34:05Burn and churn, a new trend where runners make butter by strapping heavy cream with a dash of salt onto
34:09their bodies while they run.
34:11And apparently it actually works, yeah.
34:13Finally, though, I can come home from a long run covered in butter and have an excuse.
34:17So this is good for me.
34:19In terms of creating dairy products while on a run, I'll draw the line at milk and butter.
34:24But as soon as you're making human cheese while running, I want no part of it.
34:28At least burn and churn is accurate.
34:31Like clean and jerk, for instance.
34:34You know?
34:35It's a great example of why I do not have a Les Mills membership.
34:40What happened to good old butter churning?
34:43Yeah.
34:43Like that, you know, you're getting a forearm workout, it's teaching your life skills.
34:48Have you seen those Tibetan yak butterers, the ones that do the big turn?
34:54Didn't the big one?
34:55No.
34:56Mate, you get on that algorithm, you're never coming back.
35:02I'll meet you on a very similar algorithm.
35:07Thanks to our incredible artists, Nadia and Ayla, and to Matapur Primary for having us.
35:11Give them a round of applause.
35:15For points, you can have 16, Team 1.
35:18That's the age of footballer Max Dowman, youngest ever scorer in the English Premier League.
35:22He netted one in Arsenal's two-zip win over Everton.
35:25Team 2, you can have 213.
35:26Record number of tries scored by...
35:29Alex Johnston.
35:30Yes, Di.
35:32It's just the whole aggression.
35:34I know, it was quite aggressive, yeah.
35:35But yeah, Alex Johnston, his record led to absolute pandemonium.
35:39The crowd stormed the field.
35:40But that does mean that Team 2 gets a start.
35:42Well done.
35:43Yes.
35:45Alrighty, I'm anchoring to watch some high-quality ads.
35:48You have a high-quality break.
35:49We'll be back soon with Jeremy's special game on Seven Days.
36:01Welcome back, you fine purveyors of fine television.
36:04Perfect timing for a spin of the world's favourite game, Jeremy's special game.
36:09Tonight we're playing Charade the News.
36:11Already one of my favourites.
36:12I'll give one person from each team a list of things inspired by a news story they must
36:16act out for their team-mates to guess.
36:18You'll get it.
36:19Alright, this week, the Welsh rugby team won their first game in 1,491 days.
36:24Yeah, a mammoth achievement from a country who stole their name from an animal.
36:28Alright, Barney, you'll be acting for Team 1 and your category is places that are also
36:33things, like Wales and Wales.
36:35You've got your cards.
36:36Rhys and Brinley, you'll be guessing.
36:38Your time.
36:38Are you ready, Barney?
36:39Uh-huh.
36:39Okay, starts now.
36:41Go.
36:44Bat.
36:44Cape.
36:46Oh, turkey.
36:46Turkey.
36:47Turkey, good.
36:49Chili.
36:50Chili, good.
36:51Wow.
36:54Intestines.
36:55Disembowelling.
36:56Disembowelling.
36:57Kill yourself.
36:58Blood.
36:59Dying.
37:00Zombie.
37:01Oh, God.
37:06Guts.
37:07Liver failure.
37:07It's New Zealand.
37:08What?
37:08It's New Zealand.
37:09I'll give you a clue.
37:10New Zealand.
37:10Oh, Hamilton.
37:14Moving on.
37:15Okay.
37:15Next one.
37:18Soap.
37:18Bath.
37:19Yeah, well done.
37:22Perfume.
37:23Uh, cologne.
37:24Yes.
37:24Oh, wow.
37:27Experiment.
37:28Which?
37:29Potion.
37:29Brew.
37:30Cauldron.
37:31Coffee.
37:32Java.
37:34Oh, little boy drinks coffee.
37:36Oh, juice.
37:36Milk.
37:37Oh, crazy.
37:38Oh, it goes crazy.
37:39Sugar rush.
37:39V, energy drink.
37:40Uh, uh, uh, sugar hyper.
37:42Um, what's he, what's he putting in there?
37:45Raro.
37:53Raro again.
37:54Tea.
37:55Oh, it's hot.
37:56English breakfast tea.
37:57Oh, salon.
37:58Um.
37:58Oh, porcelain.
37:59China.
38:00China's right.
38:02And that is time.
38:04Well done.
38:05Almost a buzzer beater there.
38:08Well done, team one.
38:12Really good, Barney.
38:13Really good.
38:14You got a wonderful six points.
38:15Great work, Barney.
38:16Very good acting.
38:17All right.
38:18Uh, it is over to you, team two.
38:19God damn.
38:20Di, you're up for team two.
38:22There are your cards.
38:24Uh, the 98th Academy Awards took place in Los Angeles this week.
38:27Your category is the Oscars.
38:29So the Oscars.
38:30That's what you're looking for, team.
38:31Well, Barney, that was controlled, economical amount of movement.
38:35You nailed it.
38:36I'm going to go for a more sort of power cable flailing on a wet pavement type.
38:42In short, confusing.
38:44All right.
38:45Di, your time starts now.
38:47Oscars.
38:48Film.
38:48Free Willy.
38:49A whale rider.
38:51No.
38:51Singing Titanic.
38:52Yes.
38:54Running, running, running.
38:55Oh, marathon.
38:57Hills.
38:57I'm running, running, running.
38:58Limitless.
38:59I'm running because I'm on pills.
39:00Chariots of Fire.
39:04Fishing and a fell over.
39:05And he's running more because he's, um.
39:09Oh my God, too many.
39:10Scarsgum.
39:10Yeah.
39:12Chocolate.
39:13Huge bris and a little waist.
39:16And I'm a model and you better watch out.
39:18Priscilla Green in the Desert.
39:18Because I've got a dog and I'm driving like a dog.
39:21Legally blind.
39:22Driving Miss Daisy.
39:23And get out, get the keys out and having a barbecue.
39:27Taxi driver.
39:31Barbecue.
39:32Barbecue.
39:32Torn.
39:32Barbecue.
39:33Boobs.
39:34Barbecue.
39:35Barbie?
39:35Barbie!
39:37Oh!
39:39Oh!
39:40Yeehaw.
39:42What's that?
39:43Rotten Cowboy.
39:44The ugly.
39:46Stargirl.
39:48Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes.
39:50Um, uh, frog bag mountain.
39:55Matrix.
39:56Yeah, well done.
39:59Wow, a box.
40:01And that's up there.
40:03Oh, um.
40:0518.
40:0618's correct, yes.
40:08Oh, time!
40:13Wow.
40:16You wouldn't believe it.
40:17It is a tie.
40:18Six apiece.
40:20What a pointless game.
40:22I've got one more Burger Fuel Brain Grill for you at home this time.
40:26Have a look at this.
40:27Here it is here.
40:27Here's your one.
40:28You can get a longer look at it up on our socials where you can enter your own caption to
40:31win
40:32some Burger Fuel of your own.
40:33All right, let's have one more break and when we come back we'll play captions and find out
40:37who's won my wonderful 450 candle cake.
40:40You'd be crazy to miss it.
40:41See you soon.
40:53Oh, welcome back for the last time this episode.
40:56Now we're going to find the winner with a couple of photos these guys need to caption.
40:59It's a game called Caption That.
41:00Team 1, you're up first.
41:01What is the caption for this picture from the last seven days?
41:04Wow.
41:06Apartment for rent.
41:08Newly added third bedroom.
41:10Americans are running low on missiles.
41:16Bus driver regrets trying to work from home.
41:21You know, they always told me the Venga bus would come.
41:26But I didn't believe them until it was too late.
41:30This is what happens when you don't say thank you driver.
41:35The driver on the bus says close your eyes and call your parents.
41:42Oh, this is the first draft of 9-11.
41:48Oh, yeah, I love what you're planning, but buses can't fly.
41:55There needs something else that can fly, but they're all busy transporting oil.
42:01Hey, great example.
42:02If we were transporting all oil by air, there'd be no spare planes to fly in
42:06and we would have saved track.
42:07So, hey, laugh about it, mate.
42:14You won't be surprised to hear that it's an art installation
42:16of a bus crashing through an eight-floor wall.
42:19It's based on the lyrics of a popular Dao Lang song in Chongqing,
42:22and that's in China.
42:23Well done.
42:24All right, team two, your turn now.
42:25Caption this.
42:27In world's first, car flattened by cat.
42:36So, I've attached an AI rendering for my insurance claim
42:40of what happened to my car.
42:44Don't worry, Timmy.
42:45Mr Ruffles has gone to the big Wilson car park in the sky.
42:52A cat always lands on its Fiat.
43:00Exactly, there better not be my purr-r-r-show.
43:05The caption, I was looking for a cat walks amongst tiny cars
43:08at a zoo in the park of miniatures
43:10in a town I can't pronounce in Crimea.
43:13Another one for you, team two.
43:14Caption this for me, please.
43:18Pick it up.
43:19Pick it up, the old bunny.
43:20Mrs. Lorda from Peaches and Creamery, please.
43:26Is this photographer who says,
43:28can you turn the mirror around
43:30so we don't have to see the side with the hole in it?
43:35Or is this world's smallest man has pickle for lunch?
43:41Is it, um...
43:43Tall marrow, tall marrow, I love you.
43:48Tall marrow, there's only...
43:52Tall marrow, you're only a day away.
43:54Everyone, here we go.
43:56Tall marrow, tall marrow, I love you.
44:02Tall marrow, you're only a day away.
44:10Give yourselves a round of applause.
44:14That is a man competing in the giant vegetable competition
44:19at Harrogate Autumn Flower Show in England.
44:21Great round of picture words.
44:22Time to announce tonight's winning team.
44:24Let's go to the star chart and add them up.
44:26Look at that.
44:27Congratulations, team two.
44:34Enjoy that cake.
44:36450th cake made from butter I've earned and churned myself.
44:38Congratulations.
44:39Thank you so much for watching.
44:41We appreciate you.
44:41And we appreciate our comedians.
44:43Please join me in thanking Rhys, Barney, Brinley, Dyer, Andrew and Clips.
44:47We'll see you in seven days on Seven Days.
44:49Good night.
44:55Thanks, Suzanne Donair.
44:56And if you don't have diabetes yet...
45:00You will.
45:02LAUGHTER
45:04LAUGHTER
45:05LAUGHTER
45:05LAUGHTER
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