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7 Days (NZ) Season 18 Episode 6
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FunTranscript
00:18Hello, yes, you have done it.
00:21You have successfully turned on your television and navigated to three and now you're about
00:26to soak in the goodness that is seven days.
00:28My name is Jeremy Corbett.
00:29Hello, it is time to oil up and roll around in the week's news.
00:33Let's meet tonight's team, shall we?
00:35And the leader of team one is a bit like the broccoli of New Zealand comedy.
00:38Yeah, fluffy on top, takes a while to get used to and most kids hate him.
00:40It's Josh Thompson.
00:45Thank you very much, Jeremy.
00:47We have a very special team tonight.
00:48They are legally married, although have still refused to adopt me.
00:53We have Michelle, who has recently been made an officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit.
00:58Yes.
01:01And Jeremy is here as well.
01:03So, give it up for Comedy Power.
01:06Come on, Jeremy Corbett.
01:08And leading team two, for the first time ever, a young man doing his bit to save fuel by not
01:14being old enough to drive.
01:15It's Jack Ansatz.
01:16Yes.
01:18Big baby.
01:18Oh, I know.
01:19Thank you so much for the promotion, Daddy, I guess.
01:24Yes.
01:24That'll do.
01:25Great team on team two tonight, Jeremy.
01:27She's an amazing comedian and he is also an amazing comedian.
01:31And I'm being really kind because, to be honest, I'm kind of scared of both of them.
01:35We have Justin Smith and Corey Gonzales.
01:37Woo!
01:41Well done, Jack.
01:43Let's take the first bite of the cherry, the game of newsmakers.
01:46Teams, I will play you a clip from one of the newsiest news stories of the week.
01:49You just need to tell me what it's all about.
01:51And team one, we will start with you.
01:52As per, here's your clip.
01:54And in Thailand, they're telling people to turn off their aircon and wear lighter clothes.
01:59Newsreaders lead by example.
02:01Well, they did say Thailand, but I will say they aren't wearing any ties.
02:06Yeah.
02:06So.
02:07We're lucky they're wearing shirts, to be honest.
02:09But, no, I think that was the giveaway, though, right?
02:11Talking about turning off your air conditioning and trying to save fuel.
02:16Oh, I see.
02:16Yes, yes.
02:17Well, this must be the Thai shortage, which is affecting the great nation of Thailand
02:23and the thing about changing their name to Land.
02:26You sort of got the link is there, yeah.
02:28Due to some shenanigans in the Straits of Hormuz, you may have heard about,
02:31we have entered a fuel crisis.
02:33Government has announced a relief package for low-income families,
02:35along with a number of innovative ways to help save energy,
02:39just as they were on that show.
02:40I'm an energy saver.
02:42I'm on board.
02:42I even unplug appliances when I'm not using them,
02:44which works well at home, but I'm not allowed back to that hospice.
02:48Oh, man.
02:50Oh.
02:51Wow.
02:53Didn't seem to be using it.
02:55Just lying there.
02:56Just that annoying beep.
02:59No, I think I speak on behalf of most New Zealanders
03:02when I say I'd rather spend $4 a litre on gas
03:04than admit that electric vehicle owners were right.
03:08One thing you can do is I always park at the highest point in the city.
03:13So I park on Mount Eden,
03:15and then all you do is take the handbrake off,
03:17and as long as the tourists and the kids get out of your way,
03:20it's a pretty good run.
03:21But you've still got to use petrol to get back up there to park
03:24at the end of the day.
03:25Yeah, it does have a downside.
03:28I've been personally saving energy
03:30by having a little nap in the afternoon
03:33and also staying quite pissed so that I can't drive.
03:41I do something similar, Jess.
03:43I stop drinking and realise I don't like most people,
03:47so I save petrol by not getting invited to anything.
03:51I'm kind of similar to you guys.
03:53I stop kind of using petrol because I'm just at home all the time,
03:56so I recommend getting depression.
03:59I've been trying everything,
04:01but do you have any idea how hard it is
04:02to put petrol through as brown onions?
04:05Yeah, that's...
04:06I mean, there's a lot of...
04:08You know, everyone's suggesting using public transport,
04:10which I think is a good idea, and I've been doing that.
04:13I've been popping down to the Ranui bus station
04:15and siphoning gas out of the buses.
04:17Oh, right.
04:18The biggest thing about taking public transport
04:21is that when you arrive at work smelling of wheeze,
04:24you can blame it on that.
04:26Jeez.
04:27The New Zealand police are actually cutting fuel.
04:29They're only responding to crimes that are on a bus route.
04:32And there are also fewer ram rates now
04:35because people can't afford to drive into Michael Hill
04:37and just take the jewellery, which is worth less.
04:40Times are pretty bad.
04:41I even caught Corbett putting up posters
04:43for advertising for someone to go siphoning with at night time.
04:47We're actually meeting up at Mount Eden car park tonight.
04:49Is that right, Corbett?
04:50If anyone wants to join.
04:51I don't think we need to talk about it out loud.
04:52For the siphoning?
04:53I don't think siphoning means what you think it means.
04:58I've done some siphoning in car packs,
05:00but there was no gas involved.
05:03All right, team two, you are up.
05:05Your turn.
05:06What's the gist of this clip, please?
05:08I didn't even see...
05:10I didn't even see a woman and a child.
05:13Like, I did not...
05:14No-one came up to me.
05:15No-one bothered me.
05:17Oh, God.
05:18Was she going more than 40K in a school zone?
05:22Is that me on the Titanic justifying why I elbowed my way into the lifeboats?
05:27That is, no, that is, um, Chapel Roan.
05:30Oh, that's my job.
05:32Your team can help out.
05:34No, no, no.
05:35You just need to summarise.
05:36Yeah, not my captain.
05:37Um, so...
05:39I'm the captain.
05:41Uh, yeah, so she's, uh, she was doing a concert somewhere and some...
05:44Apparently she's really a bit of a bitch.
05:47Oh.
05:47Yeah.
05:48So, basically, what course...
05:50Pop star Chapel Roan posted an apology video,
05:53which you just saw a bit of,
05:54after her security guard made an 11-year-old superfan cry
05:58at a hotel buffet in Brazil.
06:00Uh, poor little girl.
06:01Um, actually, I've only ever approached a celebrity once at breakfast.
06:05Um, it was Hilary Barry, actually.
06:07And I'll never forget what she said to me.
06:09She said, how did you get into my kitchen?
06:13So...
06:14I had the same thing.
06:15I, um, I actually met a celebrity at a restaurant a few weeks ago.
06:18Um, you know, Brooke Fraser?
06:19Oh, yes.
06:20And I was like, I'm actually done for now.
06:22I think you'd take this.
06:27I'm starting to get a bit of a whiff of fame.
06:29And this is because...
06:31No, I am.
06:32That's not what that's...
06:32You are sitting quite close to me.
06:34Yeah, yeah.
06:35But, basically, what happened the other day was
06:36there were some kids whispering behind me
06:38and they were like,
06:39that's Jack Ansett.
06:40He's on TV, right?
06:42And then the other one went,
06:42nah, it can't be.
06:44And the other one went, why?
06:45And the other one went,
06:45because he's on the bus.
06:48I was, yeah.
06:49Oh, sorry, kids.
06:50The Lambo's in the garage.
06:52Hey, can we...
06:53Can we show that photo at 7.30?
06:55Yeah, I reckon...
06:56Like...
06:56Oh, yeah.
06:57I mean, it's...
06:58I mean, I'm sweet with it,
06:59but it's just like, um...
07:00I mean, is that...
07:01That looks like she said,
07:03I'll just throw something on and missed.
07:05Like...
07:08Like, I've caught things on my nipples before,
07:10but I haven't then gone out to an occasion.
07:12You've noticed before you get out the door, yeah.
07:14Are we allowed to say that, Corey?
07:17I don't know if they've changed anything,
07:18but apparently...
07:19Corey's not looking at it.
07:20Apparently they're prosthetic.
07:22What, uh...
07:22The boobs?
07:23What, no, the bit that she's hanging the dress on
07:25is prosthetic.
07:26Oh, hang on!
07:27I mean...
07:28Hang on!
07:30Let's just have a look here.
07:33If I wore that dress,
07:35that fabric would be keeping my ankles warm.
07:37Yeah.
07:40It looks like she's pulling, like, hankies out of them.
07:44Like, she's just going,
07:45and there's more, and there's more!
07:47All right, good round of newsmakers.
07:49Great way to kick off this week's show.
07:51Team 1 for points you can have, 1992, 1,992.
07:54That's the year of the recording of the song
07:57Pō Ata Rau
07:57by a Turakina Māori Girls College Choir
08:00appears in the new Ryan Gosling movie.
08:02Yeah, Project Hail Mary and Goosebumps stuff.
08:05All right, you get that.
08:0610,000 for you, Team 2.
08:07Cost of a ticket to a dinner
08:08with Prime Minister Christopher Luxon
08:10during the National Party's fundraiser
08:12at the Christchurch Town Hall next month.
08:14I'm sure they will be snapped up.
08:16What that does mean is
08:17it's a star for Newsmaker Team 2.
08:19Yay!
08:23Worth mentioning, a star is more than just something
08:25I look up to in the night sky
08:26and makes me ponder my insignificance.
08:28It's also how we keep score on seven days.
08:30At the end of the night,
08:31the team with the most stars will win an incredible prize.
08:33This week, I will lend the winning team
08:35full use of my own personal mode of transport.
08:38There it is, my palanquin.
08:40Oh, my God.
08:40Yeah, check it out.
08:42There's an extra incentive
08:43because the winning captain
08:44will be carried around all week
08:45by the losing team.
08:48Time now on seven days
08:49for a game of Guest 2
08:50where we wheel out a notable name from the news
08:52and very skilfully disguise them
08:54by putting a big sack on their heads.
08:56Please welcome your Guest 2 guests.
09:01That's right.
09:01Jump behind you.
09:02I'll walk you in.
09:04Three, two, one.
09:06Right, if you can just sort of stay there.
09:07That's perfect.
09:08So you're doing a yes or no.
09:11Give us a thumbs up or a thumbs down
09:12for a yes or a no.
09:13You get a thumbs down,
09:14it goes to the other team.
09:15Understand?
09:16You can start Team 1.
09:17Is he not talking?
09:18Is this a new...
09:18He's not talking.
09:19They never talk.
09:20No, they do talk.
09:21They do say yes or no
09:22but I guess we're thinking
09:23maybe that might give them away.
09:25Oh, somebody's got a voice.
09:26Oh, somebody's got a voice.
09:28Are you Darth Vader?
09:33Is it sports related?
09:36Do you know what I mean?
09:37It's a yes.
09:37Yeah, okay.
09:38Oh, I'm out.
09:39Are you...
09:40Is it a...
09:40Wait, is it a sport that involves a ball?
09:44Oh, yeah.
09:45Oh, I know.
09:45Oh, well, that narrows it down.
09:47Are you...
09:47Did he used to be on All Black?
09:50Yes!
09:51Oh, it's so...
09:52Are you mad?
09:54You just got to know, my friend.
09:56We're still doing it.
09:57Did you know the rules?
09:58No, but you just got to know
09:59that it goes to us.
10:00He got a yes.
10:00He was quiet.
10:01Oh, did you?
10:02He said yes.
10:02Well, I'm sorry.
10:04I apologise to him.
10:05I apologise to you, sir.
10:07And to you.
10:08It's his question.
10:09You say your mouth.
10:10Get in your corner.
10:11Get your team and controls up.
10:12Take your clothes off.
10:13A good way of introducing...
10:14My rules up!
10:15A good way of introducing a game
10:17we're going to play next week
10:18called Guess What?
10:19Where you try and figure out
10:20what disease Josh has.
10:24All right, carry on, team two.
10:26Come on.
10:27What?
10:27It's Buck Shelford.
10:28Corey, trust me.
10:29I think I've got...
10:30I think I've got this.
10:31Oh, really?
10:31I'll knock you out.
10:32Trust me.
10:32Yeah, you can knock me out.
10:34Yeah, 100%.
10:35Oh, God.
10:35All right.
10:36Yeah.
10:36So, from what you said before,
10:37I think I...
10:37OK, I think I can get this.
10:38Ask your question.
10:39So, did you...
10:41Did I pee next to you...
10:43Wait.
10:43Well...
10:45In Venice Airport in 2023.
10:47You might not remember.
10:51Venice Airport in 2023.
10:53That's a no.
10:53All right, OK.
10:54My information's wrong.
10:55You seem to...
10:56Yeah, you seem to hesitate
10:57when Corey asked
10:59if it was a sport involving a ball.
11:00Is that because that brings up
11:02some bad memories
11:03of a particular incident?
11:08Oh, OK.
11:09Oh, all right.
11:10It's a no.
11:11Just take it, man.
11:12Yeah, for God...
11:13Well, I think it's Buck Shelford.
11:14Well, ask the question.
11:16Oh, are you Buck Shelford?
11:17Are you Sir Buck Shelford?
11:19Yes!
11:21It is.
11:22Sir Wayne Thomas Shelford.
11:26Thank you for joining us.
11:35Thank you for joining us, Wayne.
11:38Buck, I guess,
11:38is how everyone knows you.
11:40Although you were an all-black,
11:42that's not sort of
11:43why you're here this week,
11:44is it?
11:44Tell us.
11:46No, it's...
11:46Because I'm the ambassador
11:48for testicular cancer.
11:51Right.
11:51And it's a growing cancer now
11:53and it's coming forward
11:55in a lot of teenagers.
11:57And so we're actually now
11:59just trying to get the teenagers
12:00to get their cheques
12:01or do their cheques independently
12:03and we start...
12:05The 1st of April
12:06is the month for testicular cancer.
12:08Right.
12:08So there's going to be
12:09some great footage coming out
12:12in regards to that.
12:14Yeah, great.
12:15Can't wait.
12:17Wow.
12:17So, lump lottery?
12:19Yes, the lump lottery.
12:20You can win a...
12:21Lump lottery,
12:22you win a jack,
12:23four-wheel drive.
12:24Great.
12:24Pretty fitting.
12:26You're here to talk about sex
12:27and we put one on your head.
12:30Before we do get into it,
12:31because it's a big thing, right?
12:33Like, checking,
12:34I think if you get it early,
12:35there's a 98% success rate of QA.
12:37Well, our woman folk,
12:39our ladies out there,
12:40we're actually way behind them
12:42as older men.
12:44That's where you belong.
12:44And we're not...
12:45LAUGHTER
12:47And we're not teaching our sons
12:49whereas our women
12:50look after our daughters.
12:51Yep.
12:52Yeah.
12:52Our mums look after the daughters
12:53really, really well
12:54whereas the men
12:54don't look after their sons
12:55because they don't like
12:56talking about it.
12:57Well, people...
12:58They don't even like
12:58going to the doctors themselves.
13:00Eh, Josh?
13:00Oh, fine, I'll go.
13:02I've been checked.
13:02I get checked a lot.
13:05Do you like it?
13:06It's all right.
13:06It's pretty good, actually.
13:08Bark, it's not often
13:09we have someone
13:10of your stature on the show.
13:11And so that photo there,
13:13is that the 87 World Cup?
13:14No.
13:15No?
13:18Nice try.
13:19That is low.
13:19That's the plan is low.
13:20But you were in the 87
13:22World Cup winning team,
13:23weren't you?
13:23Have you ever bought a beer
13:25since then?
13:26Not a lot.
13:28And then you became captain,
13:29I think, for about three years.
13:31Is that right?
13:3287 to 90?
13:3387 to 90, yeah.
13:34Yeah.
13:35And how many games
13:36did the All Blacks lose
13:37during your captaincy?
13:38None.
13:39None.
13:40CHEERING
13:42Can I...
13:45We didn't play
13:46as much rugby
13:47as what they do today.
13:48They play 15 games a year,
13:49we played five.
13:50Yeah.
13:51Five or six per annum.
13:52But then,
13:53infamously,
13:54you were dismissed
13:55from the team,
13:56and that's where
13:57the Bring Back Buck
13:58started from.
13:59Do you still get
13:59the Bring Back Buck?
14:00Did that ever stop?
14:01It went on for years.
14:02It cost me a lot of money
14:03to keep it going.
14:11But I didn't have time
14:12to come back.
14:13Yeah.
14:13Have you ever experienced
14:14the fact that when it comes
14:15to talking about men's health,
14:17and particularly anything
14:18to do with, like,
14:19testicular area,
14:20it far too often
14:22gets sidetracked
14:22by a sad old man
14:23talking about rugby?
14:25LAUGHTER
14:27Well, I suppose
14:28part and parcel
14:29of that problem
14:31I had many years ago,
14:32they just cleaned it up,
14:34sewed it up,
14:35put it back in,
14:35and we carried on
14:36with life.
14:38And I had a hernia
14:39last year,
14:40and basically,
14:40the surgeon went in,
14:42he said,
14:42what a bloody mess
14:43that was in there.
14:44Oh, really?
14:45Well, the scar tissue.
14:46Right.
14:47OK.
14:47Because when it came out,
14:49it was down by my knees.
14:51LAUGHTER
14:52I can't understand
14:53why we don't talk
14:54about this more.
14:56That's the best thing
14:57that's ever happened.
14:58How do you keep playing?
15:00I mean...
15:00Well, I picked up
15:01the little puppy,
15:01and, you know,
15:02they're pretty big,
15:03you know,
15:03outside the sack.
15:05You know?
15:05You have a doppelganger
15:06with one testicle
15:07at Venice Airport.
15:09LAUGHTER
15:11Great stuff.
15:12Give it up for Buck Shelford.
15:13Sir Buck Shelford.
15:14Thank you so much.
15:16Thank you, Jeremy.
15:17All the best.
15:18All the best.
15:18You are done.
15:19And congratulations,
15:20team two gets the star.
15:22Well done.
15:22APPLAUSE
15:25How good is that?
15:26Real New Zealand royalty
15:28in studio.
15:29The message there,
15:29check your nuts.
15:30All right,
15:31let's get cooking
15:32with the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.
15:33This week,
15:34we're going to party
15:34like it's 1999.
15:36That's where we're going
15:37back to Team One Europe.
15:38I'd like you to cast
15:39your eyes to the screen
15:40and tell me
15:41what this is all about.
15:42It has disgusted
15:43many Aucklanders,
15:44sparking a steady stream
15:45of onlookers
15:46since the news broke
15:47this morning.
15:48This is Jeremy Corbett's
15:49first and only
15:50topless photo shoot.
15:51LAUGHTER
15:58That was
15:59the cutting down
16:00of the titular tree
16:01on One Tree Hill
16:02by Māori activist
16:03Mike Smith.
16:04Unfortunately,
16:04cutting down the tree
16:05on One Tree Hill
16:05still not enough
16:06to stop you two
16:07from releasing new music.
16:08All right,
16:09time for another break.
16:10Don't go anywhere
16:10because shortly
16:11we'll be spinning
16:12our chairs around
16:13for Cassie Henderson
16:14in Slicer 7
16:15on Seven Days.
16:16CHEERING
16:28Oh, rock on New Zealand
16:30and welcome back
16:31to Seven Days.
16:32It is time to put on
16:32your festive fits
16:33and start preloading
16:34because it's Slicer 7 time
16:35and on the main stage
16:36we have pop superstar
16:38Cassie Henderson.
16:39CHEERING
16:42OK, teams,
16:43pretty straightforward.
16:44Cassie will serenade you
16:45with some songs
16:46that have been cleverly
16:46rewritten to contain hints
16:48to some banging news stories.
16:49Team One,
16:50you are up first.
16:51Are you ready?
16:52Yes.
16:53Cassie,
16:53in your own time.
16:54Take it away.
16:59A long time ago
17:02We had a referendum
17:05We all said no
17:07Cost over 20 million
17:11Ten years have passed
17:13So fly it half-mast
17:16But what should we put
17:19on the polls?
17:20I guess we'll just
17:24hook up the old one
17:26and see
17:28Cause nobody wanted
17:30a new flag junkie
17:33All the designs
17:35were cursed and junkie
17:39Most were devised
17:41by old white honkies
17:44like Corby
17:46Sorry, oh
17:51No thanks
17:54New flag
17:56Now people will still
18:00think we're Aussie
18:02The new flag
18:05The old flag
18:09Oh, we should have
18:11picked the laser kiwi
18:22What a song
18:23Amazing, amazing
18:24It was like you
18:25took my brain out
18:26and you put it in a
18:27bowl of warm custard
18:29That's a good thing
18:30That's the first time
18:31I've been called
18:31an old honky in song
18:32and I feel quite proud
18:35In the beginning
18:36I thought when she said
18:37when you said referendum
18:38I thought we were
18:38talking about the
18:40euthanasia referendum
18:40which I voted in favour
18:42of because I thought
18:42that we were going
18:43to kill David Seymour
18:44first
18:46But it wasn't that one
18:48Well, no, it's not that
18:49because we've got a weird
18:50weird run with referenda
18:51don't we?
18:52I mean, we're still
18:52like weed, no
18:53you know, national identity
18:55which is what we'll get
18:56to in a second
18:57No, you know, kill old
18:58people, yeah
18:59F*** up
19:00No, this is
19:01laser kiwi
19:02looking like Australia
19:04This is the flag
19:05from a while ago
19:06Can I just interrupt
19:07to say that
19:07when you said
19:08the plural of referendum
19:09is referenda
19:10I found that really hot
19:14I might go feed
19:15my octopi at home
19:19That's another thing
19:20I've got in my house
19:21I'm not sure
19:24Yes, as Jeremy
19:25rightly said
19:26the flag referendum
19:27was a thing
19:27that happened in the
19:28country
19:29and we remember it
19:29kindly
19:30Why is it in the news?
19:32Yes
19:34I'll tell you
19:35It's 10 years old
19:36It's 10 years old
19:37Yes, correct
19:37This week marks
19:3810 whole years
19:39since New Zealand
19:39Amazing, isn't it?
19:40They had that
19:41$26 million referendum
19:42to change our national flag
19:43Problem with New Zealand
19:45is we don't
19:45really have pride
19:46I don't think
19:47in our flag
19:47So I googled
19:48pride flag
19:49and it was a rainbow
19:50I was like
19:51weird
19:52The guy holding it
19:53was absolutely jacked
19:54though
19:55But we all really wanted
19:57the just
19:57if we were going to
19:58change
19:59it was just
19:59the silver fern
20:00on the black flag
20:00which was kind of
20:01already in existence
20:02but that wasn't
20:03an option
20:03Thank you Isis
20:07There's a similar
20:08debate happening
20:08in the United States
20:09at the moment
20:10where they're trying
20:10to decide between
20:11the stars and stripes
20:12and the
20:13I think it's pronounced
20:14swastika
20:17Remember the final
20:18as well
20:19it was down to
20:20four ferns
20:21but they were
20:22just different colours
20:23The ones behind you
20:25Oh yeah
20:26It's not like
20:27a referendum
20:28it's like a
20:29HR firm
20:30coming up
20:31with a new logo
20:31for a mid-tier
20:33accounting firm
20:34Was it Laser Kiwi?
20:36That's the one
20:36we should have got
20:36You know
20:37that was actually
20:37a photo
20:37it was just
20:38taken on an oppo
20:40The problem is
20:41you can't have
20:42a Laser Kiwi
20:43as a flag
20:43because that would
20:44give away
20:44defence secrets
20:45Yeah true
20:46If we wanted
20:47the Laser Kiwi flag
20:48to get through
20:49we probably should have
20:50done the weed referendum
20:50before the flag
20:51referendum
20:52Yes
20:53You know
20:54I mean
20:56It's not
20:57because a lot of people
20:58didn't vote for a new flag
20:59It's not
21:00I don't think anyone
21:01likes the flag
21:02you know
21:02It's just
21:03being around for a
21:04Four stars
21:05It's not bad
21:07Hey
21:07Thank you
21:09Goodnight
21:09It's doing alright now
21:12Team 2
21:13it is your turn
21:14now
21:14for what news story
21:15Cassie is singing about
21:16here
21:16I'm not scared
21:18of the coming
21:19apocalypse
21:20cause I dug a hole
21:22in the middle
21:23of my basement
21:25please visit me
21:26I packed
21:27for DVDs
21:32And now
21:33I've loaded up
21:34on cans
21:35to live
21:35under the land
21:37I said goodbye
21:38to tans
21:39Now it's time
21:41to hunker down
21:44Oh
21:46This bunker
21:47ought to fit
21:49us both in
21:50better vibes
21:52than the one
21:53in Berlin
21:54I'm not scared
21:56to cut
21:56my own hair
21:58I'm willing
21:59to share
22:00my last
22:01tin of cat food
22:04Yeah
22:04we'll all be
22:06dead soon
22:11Wow
22:12What do we
22:13think?
22:14I heard a lot of
22:15stuff about
22:16underground
22:16Yeah
22:17underground
22:17Berlin
22:17so
22:18Yeah
22:19okay
22:19yeah
22:20well
22:21I think I know
22:21we can talk it
22:22over a bit more
22:24You're not confident
22:25with me
22:26We're not confident
22:27with you at all
22:27Jack
22:29It's made having a
22:30captain on work
22:31experience
22:34Bunkers
22:35I reckon
22:35it's about
22:37End of the world
22:38Yeah
22:38End of the world
22:40Okay
22:41Jeremy
22:42people are
22:43getting more
22:44into bunkers
22:45which you would
22:45know all about
22:46from the London
22:47Blitz when you
22:48were on your
22:48OE
22:48I don't know
22:50With all the
22:51troubles in the
22:52world
22:52there's been an
22:53increase in people
22:54inquiring about
22:54building a bunker
22:55in New Zealand
22:55to avoid the
22:56incoming apocalypse
22:57A lot of people
22:59are doing
22:59My wife has
22:59actually started
23:00work on one
23:01in our backyard
23:01Yeah
23:02She hasn't made
23:03much progress
23:04to be honest
23:04The hole's only
23:05about six foot deep
23:06and about as long
23:07as I am
23:08Not a great
23:10effort
23:10Didn't she just
23:11get her gun
23:11licence
23:12Yeah
23:12Got a gun
23:13licence
23:13And also
23:14she's not
23:14digging it
23:15It's the pool
23:15guy
23:15Yeah
23:17He is jacked
23:20I feel like
23:21the only type
23:22of people who
23:23like bunkers
23:24are billionaires
23:25or Joseph Fritzel
23:26and to be honest
23:26I don't know
23:27who I trust less
23:29You don't need
23:30to necessarily
23:30get an invite
23:31to someone's bunker
23:32It doesn't always
23:33happen
23:33Yeah
23:33It hasn't stopped
23:34you in the past
23:35Has it
23:37Hi Hilary
23:38I found your bunker
23:42It's not always
23:43a case of being
23:43invited into
23:44someone's bunker
23:44or building your own
23:45Sometimes you just
23:46wake up and
23:46like you're in
23:48the bunker
23:48and you don't
23:48know how you
23:49got there
23:49Eh Tomo
23:53Yeah
23:53I'm not sure
23:54the idea
23:54of spending
23:55the entire
23:55apocalypse
23:56in an underground
23:56location
23:57with Josh
23:58and canned
23:58goods
23:59is
24:00my idea
24:01of living
24:02the dream
24:02Well
24:03when the cans
24:04run out
24:04let's see
24:05who lasts
24:05mate
24:06Great stuff
24:07from Cassie
24:08Henderson
24:08on the show
24:09for Slice
24:10to Seven
24:10You can catch her
24:11in Auckland
24:11Christchurch
24:12this April
24:12on the
24:13Lightning
24:13and the Stars
24:14tour
24:15Tickets at
24:16CassieHenderson.com
24:17Give it up
24:18for Cassie Henderson
24:23Thank you Cassie
24:25Absolutely
24:25outstanding
24:26For points
24:27Team One
24:27you can have
24:2862,000
24:28that's the amount
24:29spent by the
24:30Whanganui District
24:31Council
24:31to design
24:32a new logo
24:33and that was
24:34completed after
24:34research found
24:35most residents
24:36could not recall
24:37the council's
24:37existing logo
24:38Team Two
24:39you can have
24:411.1 million
24:41that is the amount
24:42per week
24:43in New Zealand
24:44dollars
24:45Liverpool player
24:45Mo Salah
24:46is giving up
24:46after terminating
24:47his contract
24:4812 months
24:48early
24:49the Egyptian
24:50king has
24:51left the
24:51building
24:51and the
24:51star for
24:52that round
24:52goes to
24:52Team Two
24:56Alright I'm
24:57going to get
24:57a photo with
24:58Cassie to get
24:58some clout
24:59on the socials
24:59while I do
25:00that let's
25:01take a break
25:01be back
25:02shortly
25:02with Club
25:02Topicana
25:03see you soon
25:15oh yes we are
25:16back you are
25:17back we're all
25:18doing seven days
25:19I hope you have
25:20enough gas in your
25:21tank to get to the
25:21coast because we're
25:22hitting the beach
25:23for Club Topicana
25:24play those steel
25:25drums
25:34just a little
25:35reminder as we
25:37do Club Topicana
25:37is brought to you
25:38by Dole Pineapples
25:39pineapples grow on
25:41the ground
25:41not in trees
25:42so shouldn't
25:43actually be called
25:43a pine apple
25:44should it
25:44should be called
25:45a pine potato
25:46inside my pine
25:47potato I have a
25:48selection of you
25:48stories that tickled
25:49my taste buds this
25:50week let's crack
25:51into them and see
25:52what the teams
25:52can give us
25:53here we go
25:53our first story
25:54a contestant on
25:55Maths Australia
25:56has complained
25:56she received what
25:57she calls a
25:58villain edit
25:59on the show
25:59it's good to know
26:00what an Australian
26:01villain would look
26:02like but I'd like
26:03to see something
26:03closer to home
26:04I'd like you to
26:04give me some
26:05examples of
26:06Kiwi super
26:07villains please
26:10oh yeah
26:11nah I'm not
26:11that evil
26:12I mean there's
26:12heaps of people
26:13more evil than
26:14me but cheers
26:19hi I'm the
26:21Briscoes lady
26:21and guess what
26:22the sales
26:23ended
26:25you missed it
26:31you're done
26:32for Batman
26:33I'm now going
26:34to lower you
26:35into this pool
26:36of bloodthirsty
26:38white tails
26:40enjoy your mild
26:42to moderate
26:42symptoms
26:53a census taker
26:54once tried to
26:55test me
26:56Clary
26:57I ate his
26:58liver with
26:59tomato sauce
27:00and a double
27:00brown
27:06so good
27:09New Zealand
27:10you had your
27:11chance ten years
27:12ago but now
27:13laser Kiwi
27:14shall raise
27:15all of your
27:16buildings
27:21hey so what's
27:22your superpower
27:23it's kind of
27:24weird but I
27:24can get one of
27:26my testicles
27:26taken out and
27:27then I can put
27:28it back in
27:28myself
27:34I am traffic cone
27:36woman
27:36what's that
27:37a perfectly
27:38functioning
27:39intersection
27:40not on my
27:41watch
27:47welcome to my
27:48underground lair
27:50oh I've spent
27:51millions on it
27:53mainly on the
27:54resource consent
27:57oh it's got the
27:58bloody floodplains
27:59the council's not
27:59doing the better
28:00does it
28:01I tell you what
28:01so how many
28:02bloody rates do I
28:03have to pay
28:04you know what I'm
28:10oh Robin
28:11nah I can't
28:11fight the penguin
28:12I can't
28:13why not Batman
28:14oh Kelly Tarleton
28:15$50 entry
28:23yeah it's
28:23it's the bloody
28:24bond
28:24yeah buddy
28:25I see you
28:26come down
28:28he's trying to
28:29do a three
28:29seconds
28:29I was coming
28:31on Friday
28:31so I put
28:35in the second
28:35idea
28:35yeah
28:35he's having to
28:36go
28:36he's having to
28:36go
28:39alright
28:39hooray
28:43alright
28:44let's go to
28:44our next
28:45story
28:45yes
28:46children's
28:47books
28:47Harry
28:47McCleary
28:48author
28:48Lindley Dodd
28:49received the
28:50Fisher Funds
28:50Legacy Award
28:51at the New
28:51Zealand
28:51Door of the
28:52Year
28:52celebrations
28:52last week
28:53well deserved
28:54Harry
28:54McCleary
28:55a wonderful
28:55family series
28:57but not
28:58particularly
28:58what I'm
28:59after
28:59I'd rather
29:00see examples
29:01of inappropriate
29:02children's books
29:03please
29:07Harry
29:07McCleary
29:08did a
29:08ram
29:08raid
29:09on
29:09Donaldson's
29:09Derry
29:15well
29:16I got
29:16my
29:17Harry
29:17McCleary
29:17out
29:18at
29:18Donaldson's
29:18Derry
29:19and
29:19they
29:22asked me
29:23to
29:23leave
29:29it's time
29:30for the
29:30Beatrix
29:31Potter
29:31classic
29:32Pedo
29:32Rabbit
29:40tonight
29:41kids
29:42Bluey
29:42does a
29:43shoeie
29:48and
29:49then
29:49James
29:50said
29:50this
29:51isn't
29:51the
29:52giant
29:52peach
29:52I
29:53was
29:53expecting
29:57God
29:57do
29:58you
29:58like
29:59green
29:59eggs
29:59and
30:00ham
30:00because
30:00ACT
30:01have
30:01got
30:01a
30:01new
30:01lunch
30:02plan
30:06Lotto
30:06have
30:07announced
30:07they're
30:07making
30:07the
30:07biggest
30:08changes
30:08to
30:08Powerball
30:09in
30:0919
30:10years
30:10the
30:11inclusion
30:11of
30:11four
30:12new
30:12balls
30:12will
30:13make
30:13it
30:13harder
30:13to
30:13win
30:14but
30:14it
30:14is
30:14still
30:14possible
30:15I've
30:15always
30:16wanted
30:16to
30:16know
30:16what
30:16that
30:17would
30:17be
30:17like
30:17so
30:18teams
30:18give me
30:19some
30:19scenes
30:19from
30:19the
30:19first
30:20day
30:20of
30:21being
30:21a
30:21millionaire
30:24yeah
30:25mum good
30:25news
30:26yeah I can
30:27pay back
30:27a quarter
30:28of what I owe you
30:30cool
30:34go on
30:35fill it up
30:3698
30:42wow I can afford
30:44mints
30:49thank you for the
30:51invite
30:51Corby
30:52so tell me about
30:54this island
31:01$4.90
31:02I've just got this
31:03$5 note
31:06keep the change
31:11oh
31:12seat select on a flight
31:14don't mind if I do
31:24oh
31:25sorry mate
31:26I haven't got
31:27anything on me
31:28yeah but thanks for
31:29cleaning the windscreen
31:30though
31:35sorry my
31:36you're wounding down
31:37you can't electric it up
31:39I probably haven't got a new
31:40car it's my first day so
31:41have you got both
31:42you've got a winding
31:42and a
31:43shut your mouth
31:43shut your mouth
31:44Corby
31:46sorry guys I have to
31:47apologise
31:47Tomo's body oil
31:49has formed a slick
31:50we have to close the beach
31:51grab your stuff
31:51sit back down
31:52play the steel drums
32:04alrighty
32:04for points team
32:05one you're going to have
32:0625
32:0625%
32:07that is what
32:08David Cunliffe
32:09led Labor to
32:10in the 2014 election
32:11the lowest
32:12Labor result
32:13in MMP history
32:14not in all of
32:16MMP history
32:16which I said last week
32:18on the show
32:19apologies
32:19thank you for correcting us
32:21Brian
32:21the lowest
32:22actually Bill English
32:23for National
32:242002
32:25you got 21%
32:26alright
32:26so you get
32:2620
32:2725
32:27team 2
32:28you get 0
32:29the amount of
32:29hot cross buns
32:30I will be ordering
32:31from Australian
32:31supermarket Coles
32:32after they launch
32:33the new
32:33nacho cheese
32:34and jalapeno
32:35flavor
32:35ew
32:37Jesus would be
32:38spinning in his grave
32:39team 1 gets the star
32:40well done
32:43okay team 2
32:44I'm coming to you
32:45your turn to head back
32:46to 1999
32:47now with a burger fuel
32:48brain grill
32:48take a look at this picture
32:49and tell me what it's all about
32:50please
32:50I definitely did not have
32:52sex with that woman
32:55is it um
32:58Clinton offends New Zealand
32:59with poor attempt
33:00at hucka
33:03oh cool flag
33:08that is Bill Clinton
33:09speaking to our first
33:10female Prime Minister
33:11Jenny Shipley
33:12during bilateral meetings
33:13in Christchurch
33:13which reminds me
33:14I need to pop back
33:15to my own Oval Office
33:16right now
33:16not a euphemism
33:18let's take a break
33:18stick around though
33:19because up next
33:20is Jeremy's special game
33:21on seven days
33:22see you soon
33:34hey there
33:35good to see you again
33:36that is right
33:37we are still here
33:38it is seven days
33:39tonight we actually
33:40have five people
33:41who were on the first
33:42ever season of seven days
33:43back in 2009
33:44Jazzy, Corey
33:46Jeremy and Michelle
33:47and of course myself
33:47I'm feeling a bit
33:49nostalgic about that
33:50so tonight
33:50for Jeremy's special game
33:51we're going right back
33:52to where it all began
33:53with a game of answers
33:55one of my favourites
33:56I'm going to give you
33:57some answers
33:57from the week of news
33:58all you have to do
33:59is give me the questions
34:00to match
34:00and team one
34:01you can start off
34:01with this answer
34:03South Island
34:04shipping container
34:05what was my nickname
34:06at high school?
34:10where does New World
34:12draw the line
34:13with their
34:13bring your own
34:14container policy?
34:17what is stop seven
34:19on the Invercargill
34:20hop on hop off
34:20tourist bus?
34:22where have they
34:23not looked for
34:23Madeleine McCann?
34:25don't worry
34:26is it what is
34:27the government
34:27giving us
34:28instead of a new
34:29inter-island ferry?
34:31what do I call
34:32my underwear?
34:34wow
34:35why are you doing
34:36the eyebrow thing
34:37at me
34:37this is
34:38you know why
34:39Jeremy
34:40I'm looking forward
34:41to our cargo inspection
34:44begin the fumigation
34:53I'm hearing a banging
34:54coming from inside
34:58where do you pack
34:59the southern alps
35:00during off season?
35:04is it
35:04what is my stripper name?
35:08right the question
35:09there is
35:10where was 35 kg
35:11of cocaine
35:12found last October
35:13it didn't stop
35:15the coke train
35:15though
35:15police records
35:16show that
35:16the last quarter
35:17of 2025
35:18had the highest
35:19use of cocaine
35:20in New Zealand's
35:20history
35:21wow
35:21I just think
35:22cocaine use
35:23should not be up
35:24at a time like this
35:25I urge restraint
35:26with cocaine
35:26apparently New Zealand
35:28only has about
35:2848 days worth
35:29of cocaine left
35:30so
35:31take it easy
35:32cocaine has become
35:33so popular
35:34in New Zealand
35:35it's now beating
35:36Luxon
35:36in the preferred
35:37Prime Minister
35:39you've got to be
35:40careful though
35:40because it's not
35:41all good stuff
35:42like the other day
35:43I found some cocaine
35:44in my friend's shoe
35:45long story short
35:46turns out
35:47I snorted
35:48Gran's Remedy
35:48so
35:51it is getting
35:52pretty bad
35:52I hongied a guy
35:53last week
35:54and I got a contact
35:54hired
35:56kill her
35:56kill her
35:57kill her
35:57kill her
35:58kill her
35:58kill her
35:59kill her
36:00kill her
36:00kill her
36:05kill her
36:06kill her
36:09kill her
36:10kill her
36:10kill her
36:11kill her
36:13kill her
36:14all right
36:14we're moving on
36:15team 2
36:15your turn now
36:16here's the answer
36:16for you
36:17what is the question
36:17middle aged man
36:18who's the worst
36:22who magically appears
36:23when you're backing
36:24a trailer
36:26left hand down
36:27left hand down
36:31what were you
36:32if you lived
36:32till 12
36:33in Victorian
36:34English times
36:37who do I love
36:38so much
36:39when they try
36:39to explain
36:40menopause to me
36:42it's got men
36:43in the title
36:44yes
36:45it's also got
36:46f***ing pores
36:46yeah
36:51who did the
36:52woman in the
36:52chat room
36:53I agreed to
36:54meet up with
36:54turn out to be
36:57and how are you
36:58getting on
36:59fine
37:01he's got very
37:02gentle kind
37:03hands
37:03good
37:05what did my
37:06husband become
37:07when I wasn't
37:08looking
37:09I love it
37:10I love it
37:11I love it
37:11I think that's
37:12wonderful
37:12it's so nice of you
37:13we're gonna have to
37:14have a referenda
37:14on this
37:15and what was
37:18Justine Smith's
37:19stripper name
37:27Jack Jack Jack
37:28Jack
37:34come on let's do this
37:39it's either a
37:41fight or a lap dance
37:42I'm not sure
37:46I'm not sure
37:47who's giving
37:48and who's taking
37:49alright
37:50the question is
37:51what is the real
37:52identity of
37:52notorious street
37:53artist Banksy
37:54after Reuters
37:54outed him this
37:55week as a
37:5653 year old
37:57Bristol native
37:57by the name of
37:58Robin Gunningham
37:59always a bit
38:00disappointing isn't
38:01it when you find
38:01out the true
38:02identity of an
38:03anonymous artist
38:04like when I found
38:05out Susie Cato
38:06is just Jussie
38:06when she's
38:07remembered to
38:07take her meds
38:12go for him
38:12go for him
38:14lap dance
38:15coming
38:23this is kind of
38:24ruined it for
38:24the losers
38:25that used to
38:25go out to town
38:26and try and
38:27pick up girls
38:27and tell them
38:28that they're
38:28like the real
38:28Banksy
38:29I wonder if he
38:33got found out
38:34because he went
38:34and this is my
38:35picture
38:37it's huge
38:37alright for
38:39points team
38:39one you can
38:39have 86
38:40that is the
38:41age of
38:41Hollywood legend
38:42all round
38:42tough guy
38:43Chuck Norris
38:44when he passed
38:44away this week
38:45in Hawaii
38:45up until this
38:46point death
38:47had been too
38:48afraid to
38:48knock
38:48alright team
38:50two you can
38:50have 260
38:51that is dollars
38:51the amount
38:52a pie sold
38:53for on trade
38:53me this week
38:54pastry containing
38:55gold flakes
38:56wagyu beef
38:56filling gravy
38:57made from
38:58expensive wine
38:59it was baked
38:59by the baker
39:00Tito and all
39:01of the proceeds
39:02went to charity
39:02this is not a
39:04charity is it
39:04this show
39:04it is a
39:05competition
39:06one that team
39:07two is winning
39:07with yet another
39:08star
39:13nearly time for a
39:14bit of a break
39:14but not before we
39:15give you at home
39:15the chance to play
39:16the burger fuel
39:17brain grill
39:17have a look at
39:18this
39:19have a look at
39:19that
39:19yes
39:20then head to
39:20the seven days
39:21Instagram or
39:22Facebook page
39:22and let us know
39:23your caption
39:24you could be
39:24dining on some
39:25premium
39:26unleaded burger
39:27fuel
39:27you do that
39:28I'm going to
39:28reflect for four
39:29minutes while
39:30staring blankly
39:30at a wall
39:31then we'll
39:31return with
39:32beat the ding
39:33can't wait
39:45thank you so
39:46much for coming
39:46back for the
39:47final part of
39:47seven days
39:48you'll be glad
39:49you did because
39:49we are going to
39:50go out hot with
39:51a game of beat
39:51the ding
39:52teams I'll give
39:53you each a list
39:53of things that I
39:54need you to name
39:55in an allotted
39:56time succeed
39:57you win a star
39:58for your team
39:58fail
39:59the nation
39:59will laugh at
40:00you not with
40:01you
40:01alright we've
40:02already mentioned
40:03Lindley Dodd's
40:03award in the
40:04New Zealand of
40:04the year
40:05celebrations
40:05Michelle you
40:07have 11 seconds
40:07to name five
40:08characters from
40:09Harry McCleary
40:10go
40:11Harry McCleary
40:12Bits of Maloney
40:15somebody McGee
40:19Schnitzel Von
40:20Crumb
40:20and
40:22two more
40:22oh no
40:24oh not quite
40:25yeah
40:27tough challenge
40:28tough challenge
40:28no star
40:29I'm sorry
40:29Michelle
40:30digital ID
40:31is coming
40:31soon
40:32you will not
40:32need to carry
40:33that pesky
40:33driver's licence
40:34into your wallet
40:34anymore
40:35Jeremy Elwood
40:36ten seconds
40:37to name six
40:37things you keep
40:38in a wallet
40:38go
40:39Harry McCleary
40:40books
40:42my credit
40:42cards
40:43another credit
40:44card for when
40:44the first credit
40:45card gets
40:45declined
40:47my golf
40:48membership card
40:49four
40:50ten year old
40:51condoms
40:57not everything
40:58I listed
40:58was true
41:00we just got to
41:01go back to a
41:02photo finish
41:02there
41:03what am I
41:03hearing
41:03no star
41:04time
41:05what
41:05time
41:06they're calling
41:06time on it
41:07okay
41:08a woman was
41:09sentenced to
41:09home detention
41:10on Monday
41:10after stealing
41:11$12,000 worth
41:12of mouthguards
41:13from the Highlanders
41:14rugby team
41:14last year
41:15Josh you have
41:16ten seconds
41:16to put in this
41:17mouthguard
41:17and name five
41:18rugby players
41:19I'll let you
41:20put it in
41:20go
41:22it's all right
41:24it's all right
41:26it's all right
41:28get it in
41:30rock chocolate
41:31yes
41:33Brendan Ponga
41:36Christopher
41:38Walken
41:45Wayne chocolate
41:53it's all right
41:57English football's
41:58iconic Premier League
41:59trophy has been in
42:00New Zealand this
42:00week I didn't know
42:01that Corey you have
42:02ten seconds to name
42:03seven Premier League
42:04teams in a British
42:05accent please go
42:06Liverpool Arsenal
42:07Tottenham
42:11Chelsea
42:13Brighton
42:13Albion
42:15Wolves
42:17Burnley
42:17yeah that'll do
42:18that'll do
42:21congratulations
42:22Corey you to
42:23star
42:23well done
42:26a theme park
42:27based on Minecraft
42:27is opening in the
42:28UK next year
42:29Jazzy you love
42:30your theme parks
42:30you have nine
42:31seconds to name
42:32three different
42:32theme parks and
42:33three Jack Black
42:34movies
42:35go
42:35shut up
42:36just in the end
42:37Universal
42:38Wit and Wild
42:39High Fidelity
42:40Jumanji
42:41Happy Feet
42:48was he in Happy Feet
42:50I'll kill you
42:53Robin Williams was in
42:54Happy Feet but no
42:55Jack Black
42:56no star
42:56sorry Jazzy
42:58alright
43:01I need a mouth guard
43:03that wasn't moulded
43:04give the people what I want
43:05yep got it
43:07we move on
43:08the Auckland leg of the
43:10sanitarium Weet-Bix
43:11kids triathlon was on
43:12this week
43:12Jack you know about
43:13this
43:13you're actually infamous
43:15I don't know if you
43:16know but he snuck into
43:17one of these as an adult
43:19for your sins I will
43:20give you ten seconds to
43:21run a lap of the studio
43:22eating a dry Weet-Bix
43:24what the hell
43:24Jack you better
43:26grab your Weet-Bix
43:27three two one
43:28go
43:28you run
43:29you run
43:30run
43:31run
43:33run
43:35run
43:36run
43:36run
43:37run
43:37run
43:37now whistle
43:39okay
43:42I'll pay it
43:43I'll pay it
43:44you get a star
43:44well done Jack
43:45that wraps up our show
43:51for the week
43:52we just need to crown
43:53our winner
43:53and after counting
43:54the stars I can
43:54confirm the winning
43:55team for this week
43:56is team two
43:57congratulations
43:59team one
44:00get busy
44:02enjoy being carried
44:03around like a
44:04champion all week
44:06Jack you are the
44:07team captain you
44:08get to sit on my
44:09palanquin and
44:11please clean the
44:12palanquin before you
44:13return it to me
44:14that is great
44:15thank you all at
44:16home for watching
44:17and for being in our
44:18live studio tonight
44:18without you we're
44:19just seven friends
44:20hanging out in a
44:20room so please
44:21help me to thank
44:22those friends
44:23they are Josh
44:23Michelle Jeremy
44:24Jack Jussie and
44:25Corey we'll see you
44:26in seven days on
44:27seven days good night
44:28thank you
44:40thank you New Zealand on air
44:43I'm the captain now
44:44up
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