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7 Days (NZ) Season 18 Episode 3
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FunTranscript
00:20Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and anyone who doesn't identify with those rather narrow
00:24definitions of a human being, welcome along to Seven Days, I'm your host, my name is Jeremy
00:28Corbett. Tonight we will look back at the week of news and test these six clever comedians on what's
00:33stuck in their brilliant brains. Let's meet them, shall we? Leader of Team One is currently touring
00:37the country on his stick tour. Go look that up. It's the roll-on deodorant that put on a shirt
00:42and
00:42became a real man, Paul Ego. Thank you, Geoffrey Crayfish. We've got a great team on Team One
00:53tonight. First of all, someone who's smashing comedy despite that voice and somebody who's
00:58smashing comedy despite that face. Yes, it's Becky Umbers and Josh Thompson. Yeah. Wow.
01:06Holy cow. Wow. Hey, it's March, which the leader of Team Two claims is an actual sport,
01:12while Hayley Sproul. How dare you for the insolvenience, everyone knows. Anyway, listen, I'm a little bit
01:20nervous to be the captain of Team Two tonight because she's currently pregnant and his wife
01:25is currently pregnant. So I really want them to get their fertile seeds away from me. It's
01:30Lisa McLeod Whiting and Tony Lyall. Yeah. Well, disappointing teams, but that'll make a disappointing night.
01:39Here we go. Newsmakers is where we start this week. We talk about the two biggest news stories
01:43of the week. Actually, might just skip over the biggest news story, eh? Go straight to the
01:48others. Team One. You get to fill in the blanks in this situation. Have a look at this. This
01:53is your cue for a news story. Fill in the blank and tell me what the story is. Why is
01:57it a
01:58newsmaker? Um, is it Corbett's search history? Oh, looks like Tomo's getting on the show a
02:04little bit more often now. Interesting. I always delete it. Would you pay $360 for your family
02:13back? Uh, is the answer $500 worth of meat? You can in some places.
02:22I did see something this week that was around the $300-ish mark. A story a couple of days ago
02:29about, it was prices for camping like next summer and how exorbitant they become. So
02:34is it maybe that? Uh, yeah. Well done, Paul. The price of camping in New Zealand is getting
02:39out of hand. Reports of a beachside campground setting you back almost $360 for a single night.
02:44Many are crying foul, claiming the classic Kiwi camping dream is dying. Man, things have
02:50really changed, haven't they? I remember just a few years ago when you could find a nice
02:53camping spot on Parliament Lawn. Oh, yeah. That's all gone up in flames. And they had all those
02:58cool activities. Yes! Fireworks fights. And the music was pumping. Oh, such a good vibe.
03:05Whatever happened to those days? Oh, it just all went up in flames. Like, the prices have
03:11gone up. Like, seriously, when I was young, you could go camping for like a week for $40.
03:16I went like on a scout camp for $40. Most of the time was spent hiding though. Do you feel
03:22like now that it's so expensive, it'll just be rich people camping and kind of cosplaying
03:27as, like, poverty cosplay? Yeah. For like $360, experience the unique thrill of homelessness
03:33or something. Yeah, the unique thrill of the government going, move on, move on. Isn't
03:37it thrilling, darling? They'll be explaining to their rich friends, it's like glamping, only
03:41for poverty. Yes. I was legitimately cold all night. I was legitimately cold. Just talking
03:45to their neighbours, they're like, what's the thread count on your tent? We bought owls from
03:50Kath Mandu. Not the store, Richard Mandu's wife, Kath. She sells the most amazing tents,
03:59Kath. But $360 is a lot for a campsite, you'd think there'd be some extras thrown in. But
04:04there are extras thrown in, like when you go to the shower, you get to see someone else's
04:07urine scurry past the bottom. That's exciting. And you get that unique brand of fungus as well
04:12from those camp showers. The athlete's foot without the hassle of being an athlete. Yes.
04:16Yeah. Those showers at campgrounds are great, because if you're in there, the only way anyone
04:21can see you're in the shower is through the bottom of the door. Yeah. Or over the top
04:26of the door. Yeah. Or through the holes in the door. That's right. Or from standing on
04:30the broken toilet that's next to it. Yeah. So it's really private. You've really investigated
04:34this quite a bit. I mean, if you think the price of camping is expensive, wait until you
04:38find about the price of living in a house. Yeah. Well, team two, are you ready for a bit of
04:44a
04:44newsmaker? Not sure, but we'll give it a go. I've got a photo for you. Have a look. Oh, hello.
04:48That's just Ariel after she is a Brazilian. I was going to say, it looks like the photo
04:54of a bin at the back of a Disneyland fish and chippy. Oh, yeah. I reckon that is what you
04:59put in the magic bullet to make glitter. Oh, yeah. Moolied up mermaid face. You get a few
05:06mermaids, what? And then you go, there you go. Stop. No, this is, isn't there like a rise
05:12in people who are making like online content as mer people? And they put on these latex
05:18sort of thin tubes and swim in the water? Yeah. Bang on, Hayley. Yeah. I like that you
05:24didn't yuck their yum. New viral trend, taking the world by storm. It's mermaiding, where
05:28people put on fishtails and film themselves flopping around doing the full aerial impersonation.
05:33And you know what? I actually get it. Do you? Yeah, I can relate to the mer community.
05:37Because one time I accidentally put both legs into the same hole in my wetsuit. And initially
05:42I was like, this is really uncomfortable. Then you get in the water and it's like, I see
05:47why you do it now. I see. Really good. That's my problem with the whole, because I'd love to
05:52be a mermaid, but finding shells big enough for these bad boys are real. Like, I mean, sure,
05:57like your scallops are a waste of time. Powers have no support whatsoever. And just a tip,
06:01guys, if you are getting into the mermaid community, it's worth taking the time and spending
06:05the money to get your shell bra fitted properly. Yeah. I've been a mermaid before. My kids
06:10will, um, on the beach, they make me lie down and they cover you in sand and make a tail
06:14and they build sort of sand boobies and they're like, can we break down the sandcastle now,
06:18daddy? And I'm always like, not just you. Didn't they start as the sirens on the rocks that
06:24would lure sailors to their death? Isn't that where the mermaids would start? Yeah, they'd
06:27sing you a song. Yes. Yeah. Sirens. Sirens. Yeah. And I think in real life they were
06:32just sex-deprived sailors who would see a manatee and be like, you know what, I might
06:36give it a go. Yeah. You'd be gutted, wouldn't you, if you ended up, like, you've spent all
06:41this time learning how to swim underwater and then suddenly you get fished up and you just
06:44end up in some guy's Tinder profile pic. Yeah. Check out this giant mermaid I fought you.
06:50Yeah. I've actually been mermaiding. You've been mermaiding? Yeah. Well, I took my top off
06:56at the fish market, but I still made the news. No, I haven't. When I was young, I made
07:02a tail from some plastic from para-rubber and some flippers because I saw on 60 Minutes
07:07these girls that said they had tails and they said you could swim fast, as fast as a dolphin.
07:13Whoa. Yeah. No, I couldn't swim that fast, but I do try and have sex with tourists at the
07:17beach a lot. Okay. I've tried going the other way, like, just having fish up top and just
07:23fully nude downstairs. Yeah. But the police don't like that either. It doesn't matter
07:28if you get a fresh dolphin scalp and put it on your hair, you're not allowed to have
07:32it out. All right. Good round of newsmakers. We go to the scores now. Team 1, you're going
07:37to have 576. That's how many days new AB's head coach Dave Rennie has to sort the team
07:42out pre-World Cup. Lol. Jokes. Actually, 575. Clock is ticking, Dave. Congratulations on the
07:47job. Team 2, you're going to have 20. That's the number of writers hired for the UK version
07:51of Saturday Night Live. One, and why I mention it, being our very own Joseph Moore from 7
07:56Days. Well done, Joseph. Yeah. If you need a host or anything, you've got my number. I
08:03mean, you don't return my calls, but you've got my number. Pretty sure you've got, I gave
08:06you my number. Anyway, 384,000 beats 20. The star for newsmakers goes to Team 1. Oh, good
08:14stuff. But hey, Corby, I hear you ask. What's the point of the stars? Well, the most stars
08:21at the end of the show wins a highly sought-after prize ripped straight from the headlines. And
08:26here it is. Yeah, check that out. Now you can be a mermaid too. Your very own DIY mermaid
08:31kit slides smoothly and effortlessly into your shiny, shimmery new fishtail made 100% from
08:37the finest scales from proven, sustainable sources. The saw, of course, for hacking off your
08:42now useless legs. Won't need them anymore. Pro tip, measure twice, cut once. Time to move
08:48on. I've got an incredible mystery guest hiding behind this wall, itching to get into a round
08:53of Guess Who. Game's pretty simple. We track down a local hero, steal them away from their
08:57cushy lifestyle, stuff them into a smelly sack, and then they have to answer yes or no questions
09:01from the comedians until someone guesses their identity. Pretty simple. Please clap and cheer
09:05for our Guess Who guests.
09:10This way. I'm going to jump behind you now.
09:12I'll guide you in. There you are. That's perfect. All right. Your job as a straightforward guest
09:21just to answer yes or no. Teams, you get a no, it goes to the other team. Team one, you
09:25can start. Guest, does the story you're involved with involve sport?
09:31Yes. Ooh. Great question. Are you the person when I was at the pub the other day and I went
09:36to the toilet and you came out of the toilet and you said, oh, don't worry, the flush doesn't
09:40work. I'm not just an animal. Then you left without washing your hands. No. No. That is not. Wait, so
09:50involved
09:50in sport? Have they just got back from Italy? Oh, yeah. Oh. Speaking Italian. Yeah, uh,
09:56Gemma Peltoli. No, that's great. Emma, you recently have been in Italy. Perfect. No. No.
10:04It's a no. Team one. Okay, so not Winter Olympics, but sport. I've seen a lot of social meds,
10:11sock meds recently. Go on. About our, um, football ferns. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Do you play soccer
10:20slash football? No. Idiot! You're an idiot! I am an idiot. I'm sorry, man. Team two. Other than the, um,
10:27noted sport of marching, sport's not really my area of expertise, but Tony, you spend a lot of time,
10:33you do some commentating. Yeah, well, I was wondering when you were talking about the Winter
10:37Olympics, but I wonder, have you gone to an Olympics? Yes. Oh. This is big. And I'm out.
10:45Did you win a medal at that Olympics? Yes. Oh. Rugby. Rugby. Rugby. Was it a gold medal? Yes. Rugby.
10:54Go. Please. Have you run a Women's Rugby World Cup? Yes. Have you recently retired? Yes. Are you Portia
11:06Harpies? plotting. Go! Hooray. importante, bo dong. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Hooray.
11:11location, houray. Hooray. Wahoo.�ng. Hooray. Thank you. Quelly.re welcome that show. Yeah.
11:13Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
11:16She is amazing.
11:19She is amazing. Absolutely right. Well done, Tony.
11:23She is.
11:23You are the best.
11:24Yeah.
11:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:25Like literally, the rugby goat of both it's...
11:28She's the highest try scorer out of anyone in New Zealand's history.
11:32That's amazing.
11:33Didn't you one time score, like, eight tries in a game?
11:36Yeah.
11:37Wow.
11:37Was your coach when you were young never teaching a pass?
11:40Yes, really much.
11:42I can't pass, so I just got to run.
11:46So you've just announced your retirement?
11:47Yes, again.
11:48For reals this time?
11:49For reals this time.
11:50Because that was number two.
11:51I want to go back.
11:53Really quickly, Colby.
11:54Yeah, go.
11:54No, you go.
11:55It's as nice as to someone who knows when to retire.
11:57Yeah.
11:59You've got to feel your exit, you know.
12:01Oh, yeah.
12:01When time's up.
12:02Mine will be when my heart stops.
12:04That'll be the sign.
12:06Fantastic.
12:06I want to go back to when you first went.
12:10Because you were quite a speedster from a very young age, weren't you?
12:12Yeah.
12:13I used to run track and field when I was...
12:14But wasn't it even primary school?
12:16You were four years old beating the six-year-olds?
12:18Yeah.
12:19My biggest dream was just to beat the boys.
12:21So whatever age group, I just wanted to beat the boys.
12:23And you're...
12:24So your dad and your uncle, ex or blacks,
12:27but your mum was into netball.
12:28Was she...
12:29Did she push the netball?
12:30How did...
12:30Big time.
12:31Big time wanted me to be a sofa
12:32and wanted me to have the black dress and everything.
12:34I wanted to be the next Timurputta George.
12:37Yeah, of course.
12:37Clearly you didn't listen to her
12:38because you said you can't pass.
12:40No.
12:42It's all about running.
12:43It's so nice to know that I've actually got, like,
12:45something in common with you
12:46because I'm a big speed guy as well.
12:47Like, I took some and I love the prodigy.
12:51When did you know it was rugby then?
12:53Because you actually...
12:54Because I think...
12:54Was it Mount Albert Grammar didn't have that as an option?
12:56No.
12:57When I had my interview at Mount Albert Grammar,
12:59my dean at the time was like,
13:01I hope you're one of those girls that don't play rugby
13:03because we don't have rugby at the school.
13:04Wow.
13:05And, like, every kid in New Zealand loved rugby
13:08but just wasn't able to play it.
13:09And netball was the career for women at that time.
13:12And then somehow you got into the rugby
13:14and did you just know all of a sudden,
13:15oh, this is the sport?
13:17Yeah, yeah.
13:18Disappoint, Mum.
13:18When it became an Olympic sport,
13:19it was going to turn up at 2016 Olympics.
13:22I was like, oh, yeah, this is me.
13:23I get to run 100 metres, run away, run over,
13:26run through people.
13:27That was a dream for me.
13:28Amazing.
13:29Speaking of running through people,
13:31in the Rugby World Cup final at Eden Park,
13:33I was there with my son,
13:35someone tried to run through you and you got KO'd.
13:37Yeah.
13:37And they got a red card.
13:39And that sort of led to the comeback
13:41and that famous victory.
13:43Do you think you're a bit robbed for player of the day
13:45for getting knocked out?
13:46Well, I feel like we won because of it, right?
13:49Yeah.
13:49So down to 14 people.
13:51Nah, it was a dream finish.
13:53Obviously, I had to sit underneath the stadium
13:55and listen to the crowd.
13:56Yeah.
13:56Was it English crowd?
13:57Is it a New Zealand crowd?
13:58That was probably the hardest part.
13:59They didn't get you out to watch?
14:01No, I wasn't allowed to.
14:02Did you see?
14:02Because that was one of the greatest moments in New Zealand,
14:04a rugby, the steal, the line-out steal.
14:05The line-out, the hand, everything.
14:06From England that had been scoring regularly from that.
14:08No, I missed it all.
14:09I was underneath the stadium.
14:10Oh, wow.
14:11What's next for you?
14:13Commentary.
14:14That would be a dream.
14:14So we'd love to do some work with Sky.
14:17Yeah, look.
14:18Yeah, no.
14:18Pop for applause.
14:22I reckon we can make that.
14:24Can't stand up, Tommy?
14:25Sure.
14:26So just do some commentary on this.
14:28So I've got the ball and I'm running.
14:29He's the defender.
14:30Just commentate this live, all right?
14:32Oh.
14:33Stuff's getting real.
14:34Oh, the goosey and his hammy.
14:36He's torn his hammy.
14:36Oh, dear.
14:37We're going to have to go to break after this.
14:39Back to you, Jay.
14:40Great.
14:41That was lovely.
14:46Portia Woodman-Wickcliffe, ladies and gentlemen.
14:48Give it up for you.
14:49Thank you so much.
14:50Thank you, Anthony.
14:51You're a champion.
14:54Wow.
14:55Boom.
14:56And there it is.
14:56A star goes to team two.
14:58Well done, Tony.
14:59All right.
15:04And now for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill, brought to you by Burger Fuel, who are not only our
15:07sponsors, but also my best friends now.
15:09In this game, we're jumping in a time machine to check whether these comedians, who regularly
15:13forget their own pin numbers, can remember moments from the year 2003.
15:17Team One, you're up first.
15:19Here's your clip from 2003.
15:21A lot of people thought that New Zealand couldn't pull this off.
15:26Well, they were wrong.
15:28Is it New Zealand escapes being on another map or something?
15:35Was it they didn't think we could get 200,000 road cones onto the streets of Auckland?
15:42That was from the premiere of Lord of the Rings Return of the King.
15:45Won the Oscar for Best Picture.
15:47Orcs, trolls and hobbits flooded the streets of Wellington for the first screening, and
15:50that was just public servants.
15:52Stick around.
15:55Both team two and team you at home will get a chance at your very own Burger Fuel Brain Grill
15:59later in the show.
16:00We've got a cracking game at Club Topicana you won't want to miss.
16:02It's right after this break on Seven Days.
16:15Hi everyone, welcome back to Seven Days.
16:17Well, we are now firmly in the thongs of autumn.
16:20What better time to get firmly in your thongs of autumn for a trip to the beach?
16:23It's Club Topicana.
16:24Play the steel drums!
16:35Yes, Club Topicana is brought to you by Dole Pineapples.
16:39George Michael of Wham! sang that Club Tropicana drinks are free.
16:42Well, the drinks at Club Topicana are also free.
16:44They're also all pineapple juice.
16:46If you ask for any other type of drink, you're escorted from the beach and locked away in
16:49prison for the rest of your life.
16:50Inside this delicious Dole Pineapple, a selection of ace news stories that have me fizzing to
16:55hear more about.
16:55Let's see what made the cut this week.
16:58Yes, private schools.
16:59Private schools throughout New Zealand have seen a rise in interest from parents wanting
17:02to enrol their kids.
17:03Well, sounds pretty flash to me.
17:05Teams, I want you to show me scenes from New Zealand's richest private school.
17:13Um, sorry, it was a question.
17:15So, the blankets that they gave the Maoris, um, were they at least like a high thread count
17:22or was it like microfibre from briskos?
17:29Attention students, it's time to take the roll.
17:32Today's roll is an artisan ciabatta.
17:36Your choices are crayfish or caviar.
17:46Fisher,
17:49Paykel,
17:52Guthrie,
17:55Balrog.
18:00The Warehouse, are you here?
18:06You haven't been colouring inside the lines, Theodore.
18:10That's okay, we'll have the lines moved.
18:17Good morning, Mr. Corbett.
18:22Morning, children.
18:24Today, I bring you a tomo.
18:28You will all be issued with a tomo to do with as you please.
18:32Today, he will be the globe.
18:34Turn, tomo.
18:36Turn.
18:38Turn, or I will whip your Venezuela.
18:48Yeah, we do have a zero-tolerance approach to bullying.
18:55No, no, no, I mean it, I mean it.
18:56The girls don't play any mind games.
19:06We've got a substitute teacher today.
19:08We should totally prank her.
19:10Yeah, I reckon we should get her kiwi saver
19:12and change her from a growth fund to a conservative fund.
19:16She's going to lose thousands.
19:26Today, there will be a note going home to all towns
19:29about school pick-up time.
19:32Oh, mind are that when picking up your children from the marina
19:38in your jet ski,
19:40please accelerate accordingly
19:41because there has been a lot of wash onto the teacher's yachts.
19:48All right, back to the pineapple for our next story.
19:51All right, OK, yeah, this week, Air New Zealand pilots
19:53Alice and Sarah McElroy flew together for the first time.
19:56Quite a feat as they are mother and daughter.
19:59Very cool.
19:59Working with your family can be stressful at the best of times,
20:02let alone at 38,000 feet.
20:03I'd like you to show me, team,
20:05some other examples of working with your mum, please.
20:09Oh, darling, darling, join me in the lunchroom.
20:12Oh, is that what you're having?
20:13Mmm.
20:14So you've just given up on the diet, have you?
20:20Oh, I don't want to file the quarterly report, mum.
20:25Oh, I did my KPIs already.
20:34She's making me work before I'm even born.
20:39She's not even cutting me in on her feet.
20:41Shush, look, play nice,
20:42and I'll give you a little sip of wine later.
20:45Oh, it kicked.
20:47OK, a sip of wine and a cigarette.
20:51Oh, darling, what did you think of my presentation?
20:55Oh, you didn't like it?
20:56OK, well, I'll just say nothing then.
20:57Oh, I'll just say nothing.
20:58No, I'll just sit here and I'll say no.
20:59Heather's a bit, I have an opinion.
21:07All right, everyone get ready.
21:10And...
21:10Oh.
21:11Oh, mum.
21:12Oh, I don't think we should be working on the same adult film.
21:23As long as you don't look...
21:24That's actually an incredibly popular category.
21:31OK.
21:32Charity and Whangarei has banded together
21:34and purchased the Kamo Wildlife Sanctuary
21:36so the lions who live there can remain in the peaceful tranquility
21:38that is suburban Whangarei.
21:40Imagine heading along to day one of bossing those big cats around.
21:43I'd like to see that.
21:44OK, give me some scenes
21:46from the first day owning a lion park, please.
22:00Thank you, that's all I wanted.
22:04Kill the rest.
22:09Well, welcome, everybody.
22:11This is our first school group today,
22:12so everyone here is very excited.
22:14Um, I had an interesting question before
22:16from the little boy who's been talking all morning
22:18and not listening.
22:19And, um, he said,
22:21can you ride the lions?
22:22Let's find out.
22:27Welcome to the lion park,
22:29where it's Pride Month every month.
22:32LAUGHTER
22:35Simba, everything the light touches...
22:38..is actually owned by the bank.
22:40LAUGHTER
22:44OK, like, what...
22:45Like, what if, though?
22:47What if I just open the gate?
22:50Like, bleh!
22:51You know what I mean?
22:52Bleh!
22:54Cos I kind of only wanted the land for townhouses.
23:00Hi, yeah, it's me, the new owner.
23:02Um, I just...
23:03I know you said the keepers are here to feed the lions,
23:06but what do I do now that I'm out of keepers?
23:09LAUGHTER
23:11LAUGHTER
23:14Well, welcome, everybody.
23:15It's pretty early in the morning,
23:17so the lions might not be up.
23:18In fact, they might be having a...
23:21..lion.
23:22LAUGHTER
23:24That's my main joke.
23:27LAUGHTER
23:28We'll go to the next story from the pineapple.
23:32There was chaos at the marathon in Atlanta, Georgia this week
23:35when the race leaders were sent the wrong way,
23:37throwing the whole thing into disarray.
23:39I've never done a marathon, never will.
23:40Bit too much running for me.
23:42But take us there, teams.
23:43Give us some examples of unlikely things to hear at a marathon, please.
23:49No, no Band-Aids on the nipples for me.
23:52I like the way it feels.
23:53LAUGHTER
23:55LAUGHTER
23:59And the runners are off,
24:01and to make it extra interesting this year,
24:02we've added a little something special.
24:05Release the dogs.
24:06LAUGHTER
24:07LAUGHTER
24:11Ooh!
24:12I think I just passed another Kenyan.
24:15LAUGHTER
24:17LAUGHTER
24:18LAUGHTER
24:19LAUGHTER
24:22Do you know what's really helping my pace?
24:24These tits.
24:27Me too.
24:28Do you know what's really helping me run?
24:29Those tits.
24:32LAUGHTER
24:33LAUGHTER
24:35LAUGHTER
24:36LAUGHTER
24:36I don't know.
24:38That's...
24:38That's so...
24:39That's so weird.
24:40Hot gravy?
24:42LAUGHTER
24:43LAUGHTER
24:43Hot gravy!
24:44Get your hot gravy!
24:45LAUGHTER
24:46Hot gravy!
24:46Throw it on your face!
24:48LAUGHTER
24:48Hot gravy!
24:48Throw it on your face!
24:50LAUGHTER
24:51LAUGHTER
24:52LAUGHTER
24:52A waste of time!
24:54All right, that is it.
24:55The flags have been stolen by those mermaid hussies.
24:58Beech is closed.
24:59Swim back to your desks.
25:00Play those steel drums.
25:09LAUGHTER
25:12All right, well, after that, the scores.
25:15Team one, you can have the kilometres I'm going to walk in April.
25:18200 kilometres is to raise money for the Malligan Institute
25:21so we can do car tea therapy to cure cancer right here in New Zealand.
25:25Sponsor me.
25:25Google Go the Distance.
25:27And maybe add the word cancer to narrow it down.
25:29All right.
25:30That's where you get 200.
25:31Team two, you get 384,400 kilometres to the moon.
25:34Hope you enjoy the blood moon on Tuesday.
25:36Thanks to the lunar eclipse, team two gets the star.
25:39APPLAUSE
25:43Team two, you get your chance to melt your mind
25:45with your turn at the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.
25:48I'll show you a clip from our year of the Lord, 2003.
25:50You simply tell me where it is from.
25:53Have a look at this.
25:54OK.
25:54Well, it's beautiful anyway.
25:57It's something to be very proud of, that we've achieved that.
26:00And nobody's done anything better since...
26:03Oh, this is my mum talking about my older brother.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:07LAUGHTER
26:09All right, yes, that was actually taken
26:11at Heathrow Airport in London in 2003.
26:13Final flight of the Concorde.
26:14Supersonic plane that can fly Mark 2, 2,000 kilometres per hour.
26:18Do Wellington to Auckland in just under 30 minutes,
26:20but why would you want to go to Wellington?
26:22All right, your turn at the Burger Fuel Brain Grill
26:24is approaching faster than Concorde.
26:26Stay tuned for that.
26:27And also after the break, we're playing History.
26:29See you soon.
26:30CHEERING
26:42Nau mai, hukibai.
26:43Welcome back to Seven Days.
26:45This week, Split Ends reunited.
26:46What better way to celebrate Split Ends
26:48than by proving them wrong
26:49and showing that history does, in fact, repeat
26:51with a game of history.
26:52In this game, I put four punters on parade,
26:55one of whom is a famous face from New Zealand's past.
26:57Let's see what we're serving up tonight.
27:00She's become our most successful table tennis player,
27:03winning national champs, a Commonwealth gold,
27:06and coaching hundreds of up-and-comers at her local club.
27:13Go!
27:15The way she stayed in that point.
27:18Points for the New Zealander.
27:21Lee Toon Lee.
27:27And what a way to finish it.
27:29There's a glorious victory for the 40-year-old Lee Chun-Li.
27:33Representing New Zealand, Lee Chun-Li.
27:36Lee Chun-Li.
27:38A very, very happy winner.
27:4140-year-old has represented New Zealand for a long, long time.
27:45One of the people in our line-up this evening
27:48is New Zealand's most successful ever table tennis player,
27:51Chun-Li,
27:52who won a gold, a silver, and two bronze medals
27:54from the 2002 Commonwealth Games.
27:56Joining Chun-Li is a typographer,
27:58a Latin dancer,
27:59and a salesperson.
28:01Team Two.
28:02Oh.
28:02You can go first.
28:04Try and identify Chun-Li.
28:05Well done to all of you.
28:06Can I just ask all four of you
28:08just to go like this,
28:09as if you were typing?
28:11You can just go like this with the fingers.
28:12Look at Two's got the bubble,
28:14the curl, number one's clueless.
28:15I don't think it's a typographer.
28:18Wait, what's a typographer?
28:21Do you think a typographer is someone who types?
28:23A typist?
28:23It's in the f***ing name.
28:25No, they choose your font and all the rest of it,
28:28the typographer.
28:29I am aware.
28:31I reckon we could get the dancer
28:33to sort of light up.
28:34So if I say 10, just say 10.
28:36Okay, judges.
28:38All right.
28:3810!
28:3910!
28:3910!
28:40Number four, back time.
28:42For me, I have such a drawing
28:45towards number four being our table tennis player.
28:50It's literally, she's wearing the sportiest outfit.
28:52Yeah, that's true.
28:53She does have some Lululemon on, potentially.
28:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:55It's giving big Lululemon.
28:57And then number two is wearing very jazzy shoes.
29:00I would say, like, very nimble shoes
29:02that she can move in quickly,
29:03you know, like salsa around the room.
29:04Yeah.
29:05Number one's eyes are really selling me like a house.
29:08Yeah.
29:09And they want to buy it.
29:10I can imagine her face on the side of a car.
29:12Yes!
29:13Yeah, I think number one's a salesperson.
29:15Yeah.
29:15Like this, yeah.
29:16So, are we...
29:17Okay, I think we're going to say
29:18number one is our salesperson.
29:20Okay.
29:21Number two is our dancer.
29:23Dancer, yeah.
29:24Number three is our typographer.
29:27And number four is our table tennis champion.
29:30You think Chun-Li is number four?
29:32All right, team one, your turn.
29:34Okay, Jeremy, first of all,
29:35did you say one of them is a Latin dancer?
29:37Yes.
29:38Okay, I'm going to do a little bit of a cha-cha noise.
29:41And I want each of you to interpret that
29:44in a Latin dance.
29:45Are you ready?
29:46Dum-ch-dum-chuk-dum-chuk-dum-chuk-dum-chuk-dum-chuk.
29:49Oh!
29:50I don't think you can make them dance.
29:52This is crazy.
29:54Wait, I'll get the Latin dancer.
29:56Are you ready?
29:58Bin domini laude nomina.
30:03Good, good.
30:04Okay, two's got pretty good rhythm.
30:06Can we get each of you, or maybe all together,
30:08to do the motion of a table tennis serve?
30:12Your best serve.
30:13On three, one, two, three, and serve.
30:16Oh, you've got to be quicker than that.
30:18Oh, that's nice.
30:18Oh, I don't know.
30:20Either they're all shit
30:23or one of them is throwing us off the scent.
30:25Okay, I reckon it's three.
30:29Yeah, I think three, too.
30:30I think three would probably have a penhold grip
30:33as opposed to a C Miller.
30:35Oh, four!
30:36Four!
30:36I don't want to go on it,
30:37but I've played a bit of table tennis before.
30:39Oh, you think it could be four or four?
30:41Did you say something else?
30:42What do you say?
30:43I think it's three.
30:44Okay, fine.
30:45Okay.
30:46Fine.
30:46Let's say three.
30:47Let's just, look.
30:48Let's just do what you want.
30:49Okay.
30:50I think four is our typographer.
30:52Mm-hmm.
30:53I think one is our salesperson.
30:55Mm-hmm.
30:55And I think two is our Latin dancer.
30:57Okay.
30:57What about what me and Tom, I think?
30:59As I said, just repeat what I said.
31:01Okay.
31:02All right, so team one, you think Chun-Li is number three.
31:06Team two, you think Chun-Li is number four.
31:08Can I ask our most successful table tennis player ever,
31:12Chun-Li Li, to step forward, please?
31:15Oh!
31:17Yeah!
31:20Wow!
31:25Amazing.
31:26Thank you so much for joining us.
31:29Take me back.
31:30When did you first pick up a racket, a paddle, a bat?
31:34You got it, Jeremy.
31:35Great research.
31:36Yeah, great, yeah.
31:37Nailed it.
31:38What do you call it in table tennis?
31:39Racket.
31:40Racket.
31:41Oh!
31:41When did you first pick up a racket?
31:45About eight or nine years old.
31:47Eight or nine years old?
31:48At a school.
31:49Did you play tennis first before you inserted the table?
31:53I played tennis sometimes.
31:56Sometimes.
31:57Do you play the same game?
31:58Like, you get the table, but you put, like, cups on the table,
32:01and then you throw it up, like, ping-pong ball,
32:04and then you go, boof!
32:06Are you really good at that?
32:08We're not allowed to do that.
32:11You won the medals at the Commonwealth Games.
32:14You went to four Olympics, I believe?
32:16Yes.
32:17Four Olympics.
32:17And then you actually came out of retirement, was it last year?
32:21Two years ago.
32:22I replayed two years ago.
32:24Two years ago?
32:24Yeah.
32:24What is it with all these people who don't know when to retire?
32:29What do you do with the medal now?
32:31Obviously, a gold medal from the Commonwealth Games.
32:33Like, does it sit above the fireplace,
32:34or do you, like, wear it around the house?
32:36Level, um, to my mother.
32:40Chun-Li, can I ask something of you?
32:42Tomo's been talking a big game.
32:44Big game.
32:44He reckons he can beat you at table tennis.
32:47You've never been beaten in New Zealand, have you?
32:49Would you be prepared to take on Tomo in a quick game?
32:52Yeah.
32:53Yeah?
32:54CHEERING
32:59I didn't know there was going to be a table here.
33:03CHEERING
33:04OK, that's good.
33:06Before we go to that,
33:08can I ask our typographer to step forward, please?
33:11At number four.
33:13Well done.
33:16Who is our Latin dancer?
33:18Latin dancer, there it is.
33:20And our salesperson, if you'd like to step forward as well.
33:24Fantastic stuff.
33:25That means Team One gets the start.
33:27Congratulations.
33:28CHEERING
33:30Commonwealth Games gold medalist Chun-Li
33:32up against Timaru High School top five.
33:37We didn't even play it at school.
33:39I'm not at my prime.
33:40I'm not at my prime.
33:41I've hurt my shoulder, like, lifting some...
33:42She shouldn't have to play with the big ping-bong ball on it yet.
33:45OK, OK, fine.
33:46OK, come on.
33:47No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
33:51OK, kill him!
33:53Go on, go on, go on, go on.
33:55One bill!
33:56OK, so you're doing the pen hold grip.
33:59OK, fine.
33:59OK, cool.
34:00Oh, here we go.
34:01OK, here we go.
34:01Here we go.
34:02OK, here we go.
34:02Who's moving?
34:04Don't remember this bit!
34:05No, you don't know.
34:07Oh!
34:09Oh!
34:11Oh, no!
34:11These boys these balls are from like came out
34:41It was over, Tomo you were beaten, Chun-Li is our champion
34:44Congratulations
34:54We're going to take a break while Josh picks up all those balls
34:57Tries to get his breath and his dignity back
35:00This isn't the last we've seen of this table, tennis table
35:03Because coming up is Jeremy's special game
35:05Alright we'll see you soon
35:19Welcome back to Seven Days all of you in Aotearoa
35:22It's time to whip out your balls and make quite a racket
35:24With a round of Jeremy's special game
35:25This week my special game is Ping Pong the News
35:28In this round a player from each team will go head to head
35:31In a high stakes table tennis match
35:33During which they must answer my topical trivia questions
35:36Most correct answers after we've summed up all the games
35:39We'll win and that team will get the star
35:41Got it? Really doesn't matter we're going to play it anyway
35:43Alright Paul and Hayley you're first up
35:45Grab your rackets, grab your balls
35:47Here we go
35:53So Paul is serving 45 seconds on the clock
35:56You want to get the questions right
35:57But you also want to win the table tennis
35:59I'm going to get my dinger just to make sure you know when the game is over
36:02Alright here we go, are you ready?
36:03Start playing
36:04Which iconic New Zealand band reunited at Electric Avenue this week?
36:08Yes, what happens to the hair when the cuticle is damaged
36:10Leaving the inner to dry out and unravel?
36:13It curls
36:14No, it's the same as the first question
36:16Split ends
36:16The Warriors open their season this weekend
36:19Where is their home ground?
36:20Mount Smart
36:21Mount Smart
36:21Go Media, Mount Smart, correct
36:22Which former Prime Minister was spotted house hunting in Sydney?
36:25Jacinda Arden
36:25Correct
36:26What city has a new foal line discovered under this week?
36:28Hamilton
36:29I can't hear you, Corby
36:30What city has a new foal line discovered under it this week?
36:33Wellington
36:34No
36:34Auckland
36:35Yes, correct
36:36Hayley gets one
36:37Thank you
36:38The New Zealand Open was last weekend
36:40If one under is a birdie
36:41What's one over?
36:42A chookie
36:43Bogey
36:44Correct
36:44Paul gets correct
36:45When was the most recent blood moon?
36:47Last night
36:48No, on Wednesday
36:50Tuesday
36:51Tuesday
36:51Tuesday
36:52Tuesday
36:52That is it
36:53It was Tuesday
36:58Oh my god
36:59Wow
37:00You're really good
37:01You're really good
37:02Really good
37:02Really good
37:03Yeah
37:03My scores
37:05Good game
37:06Good game
37:07By my measure
37:08Paul got five
37:09And Hayley you got two
37:10So the scores do accumulate though
37:12Next two up
37:13Becky and Lisa
37:14Come on
37:15They're facing each other
37:19This is a bears two on one
37:23Get her
37:2445 seconds
37:25Go
37:26What New Zealand snack was King Charles recently seen with?
37:29The snack
37:29No
37:31Chocolate slab
37:32No
37:33Wow
37:34No hitting the host
37:35What are you doing?
37:37F1 start
37:38What are you doing?
37:39You're going to give it to me
37:40F1 starts this weekend in Melbourne
37:42What does the F stand for in F1?
37:44Football
37:44Formula
37:45No
37:45Yes formula
37:46Correct
37:46One for you
37:47Saturday was the last day of summer
37:48She hit my baby
37:49What season are we in now?
37:51What did you say?
37:53Saturday was the last day of summer
37:54What season are we in now?
37:55Autumn
37:55Autumn is correct
37:56That is two for you
37:57We move on
37:58Jim Carrey was accused of wearing a mask this week
38:00Not being real
38:00In which movie does he famously wear a mask?
38:02Oh the mask
38:03That's correct
38:04Recent reports about health star ratings came out this week
38:06Which rating is better for you?
38:07One star or five star?
38:08Five star
38:09Five is correct
38:09That is time
38:11Wow Lisa
38:17That is fantastic
38:19Becky you can sit down
38:21Tomo and Tony you are up
38:23Now at the stage
38:31Before we start I just want to say
38:33Corby
38:34Great game man
38:35You don't need to
38:36Don't need to battle me up
38:37Because at this stage I have team one on five
38:39And team two on six
38:40So you are leading by one point
38:43Okay 45 seconds
38:44I know what that means
38:453, 2, 1, go
38:46The town of Pairo is the home of Antiques
38:48What else is it known for?
38:49Alan Pears
38:50Who climbed the Empire State Building?
38:51King Kong
38:52Yes
38:52Well done
38:53What is the currency of Vietnam?
38:56Dong?
38:56Yes
38:57What sport are you currently playing?
38:59King Kong
39:00Correct
39:01Tauranga Council received 34 complaints about poo from which flying animal?
39:05Duck
39:06No
39:06It's a small one
39:07A human
39:08Bat
39:08Cow
39:09No
39:10It's bees
39:11I'm going to move on
39:12A couple are in custody after crashing a stolen watt and two tree in Hastings
39:16Motorbike
39:17Motorbike
39:17Lime scooter
39:19Sex wagon
39:19No
39:20A dog
39:21A father and son couple bike around the world say which country's drivers are the most
39:25Agro
39:25New Zealand
39:26Correct
39:26What is the term?
39:27Opportunity shoppertunity often shortened to
39:29That is time
39:30Thank goodness
39:31Because I don't think the table can take it anywhere else
39:36Wow
39:39Really good
39:40Really good
39:42Yeah
39:42It's hard to know that it looks to stay calm
39:44Team one you got five
39:45Team two you got eleven
39:46Team two gets the start
39:50I've got a sore shoulder
39:53Okay
39:53Alright
39:54It's your turn at home now
39:55To fire up your brains for the burger
39:57If your brain grill
39:57Take a look at this image
39:59It is from 2003
40:01Have a look at that
40:02What is going on in that image
40:04Have a look on our Facebook or Instagram pages
40:06Send in your funniest answer you could win
40:08Thanks to Burger Fuel
40:09You do that
40:09We'll prepare for a game of Caption That
40:11Don't miss it
40:12See you soon on Seven Days
40:24Oh this is Seven Days
40:26Welcome back
40:27I hope it's the show you meant to watch
40:28It's the final part of the show we're playing now
40:30Caption That for the first time in ages
40:31Can't wait
40:32Teams I will show you a picture from the last seven days
40:34All you need to do is caption it for me
40:36Pretty simple
40:37Paul you're simple
40:38You can start
40:40Is this what happens inside my boyfriend's brain
40:42When I ask him
40:43What are you thinking?
40:46Is this trying to find your kid
40:48After the school trip to Motat?
40:51Is this just some of the people Tomo hasn't beaten in table tennis?
40:58Oh that's me in the middle immediately after becoming single last year
41:05I see my milkshake has brought all the boys to the end
41:09Is this when you open the door to Corbett's basement?
41:14Sunlight!
41:15Sunlight please!
41:16Please!
41:17Please!
41:18A scrape of water sir!
41:21Is this Tomo sheets under the microscope?
41:26Please!
41:27Sunlight again!
41:29Please!
41:30Sunlight soap again!
41:32That is a small snapshot
41:34A small portion of the approximately 10,000 men in loincloths
41:37Trying to snatch a lucky wooden stick
41:40During the EO Naked Festival in Okoyama in Japan
41:44That's worse than what we were saying
41:46Back to you team one
41:48What's the caption for this picture?
41:49Ooh!
41:50Oh yeah!
41:51Scientists attempt to grow a new Trump
41:57Lab workers at Ozempic ask people to stop sending the fat you've lost back to us
42:02Brad just couldn't work out what went wrong with his first pavlova
42:08Is this transplant doctors looking at my liver after I ticked non-drinker on my donor floor?
42:15I think it's what comes out of your baby's car seat any time you tip it up
42:19Yeah
42:21It's horrific
42:21Two young first homebuyers are shown what they actually can afford
42:28The real caption there
42:29Trainees produce various rubber compounds at the Continental Rubber Plant in Korbach
42:33Which is in Germany
42:34Team two, your turn now
42:36Caption this
42:36Oh that's my boyfriend when he's here
42:39Tells me to back dad ass up
42:43Man's friends don't want to tell him that when they advertise donkey rides
42:51Is it ninja donkey attacks man?
42:56Is it despite being the only donkey in the group
42:59Geoff insisted on playing Mary in the nativity?
43:07The real caption is
43:08An Afghan athlete carries a donkey on his shoulders to show his strength
43:12And we are impressed
43:13Both teams you did great captioning
43:15But for points let's give team one
43:18$334,800
43:19The prize Daniel Hillier earned for winning the New Zealand Golf Open in Queenstown
43:23Also got married eight days earlier
43:25So it's cool to play golf on your honeymoon
43:29Alright team two we're going to stick with golf
43:31You can have the score
43:32Stuart Duff shot at Hastings Golf Course last week
43:35He shot a 62
43:36Which is a great score
43:37But notable because he is 63
43:39Which means he achieved a rare feat of golfing
43:42By beating his age on the scorecard
43:45Congratulations Stuart
43:46Congratulations
43:47Team one you get the star
43:53And that means if we look at the star chart
43:55The overall winner for the night is both teams
43:58It's a draw
43:58What a waste of time
44:01What a waste of time
44:03You can have this to the first week
44:05You have the score
44:06You can have the bottom
44:09Enjoy your new lives
44:11There's mermaids and mermens
44:13Like you all know
44:14Evil Octopus Queen steal your voice
44:16Alright that just leads me to thank you so much for watching
44:18And please join me in thanking Paul, Becky, Josh, Hayley, Lisa and Clean Tony
44:22We'll see you in seven days on Seven Days
44:24Thank you New Zealand On Air
44:30Thanks to you I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:35Imagine me camping
44:36Thank you
44:36You
44:37I have pres وبго
44:38My
44:38Dear
44:38Dear
44:38Dear
44:39Liebe
44:39Every
44:39Dear
44:40Dear
44:40You
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