7 Days (NZ) Season 18 Episode 2

Reality Insight Hub

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Transcript

00:23Welcome to 7 Days, the show where we look back at the news

00:26of the week and laugh in its topical face. I'm your host Jeremy Corbett, as per, and

00:30I've spent the week scouring the clubs to find six newshound comedians worthy of your

00:35attention. Let's meet them, shall we? The leader of Team 1 has the energy of the fifth

00:39wiggle. Was kicked out of the band for being a little too wiggly. It's Chris Parker.

00:46I have an amazing team this week, Jeremy. I'm really excited. Between the three of us,

00:50we've got two performing arts degrees, one visual arts degree, and I also think between

00:54the three of us, not one of us could name an all black. You have Johanna Cosgrove and Emma

00:59Holland.

01:05And over leading Team 2 is the Captain Jack Sparrow you ordered from Timu. It's Ben Hurley.

01:13I've got a great team on Team 2 tonight, because I have the two most recent Billy T Award winners.

01:19That's right. An award that I won in 1964. It's Wane Hotene and Lana Walter.

01:30Yeah, didn't have awards in my day, didn't need them. Thanks for the crowd was enough.

01:34Our first game up tonight is a new one. Sorry, I mean, a news one. It is Newsmakers, where

01:39I show the teams a clip. They have to tell me which riveting news story it is from. And

01:42Team 1, we begin with you.

01:43I thought about it, and I thought, you know, surely we've all had our moments of, at some

01:47point or another, thinking, that's it. I'm going to quit.

01:50This is me to Les Mills every single week.

01:53OK, so this is the news. They're talking about quitting. Oh, this about the police. They

02:03don't want to be cops anymore. They want to be robbers.

02:11Yeah, you're on the money there, Chris. 57% of New Zealand police officers have considered

02:15quitting in the last year. That's according to a survey of 6,000 of our police. Strain

02:20on the job and insufficient pay were the leading causes for wanting to leave. 57%. I mean, that

02:26seems low. I mean, at any given time, aren't 99% of us thinking of quitting our jobs? You

02:30know? Not me, obviously. They'll be wheeling me to the grave on this chair. I'll be sticking

02:37to blame them in a way. Like, you're underpaid. You know, no one's respecting you and your

02:41job. You could see why you'd look towards greener pastures like nursing or teaching.

02:48If there's not enough cops, like, do you think they'll be calling out, put your hands up

02:52and come out. We've got you partially surrounded. It's about four of us.

02:58Imagine calling 111 and you've got to sit through two hours of Bic Runga before they pick

03:02up. It will be one cop by the end. It's like, yeah, if it's an emergency, just text

03:07Mark. He's 027-629. I think if you want to keep them, they should have three free tasers

03:15a month just to get the power going. I like that idea. Just no questions asked.

03:20Honestly, and I'll sign up because I do think I would enjoy it. I reckon they'll come back.

03:25The cops? I reckon they'll come back. If they quit, it'll only take one thing. They'll walk

03:29past a hen do on a night out and not, they won't want to get a photo with them in

03:34their

03:34handcuffs. And they'll be like, I missed the force.

03:41Well, I just don't think that police, like, I don't think kids grow up to be policemen,

03:46you know, that's not like their dream. So, like, even sometimes if a cop's trying to pull

03:49me over, I'll, like, keep driving. And then when they finally get me, they'll be like,

03:53why did you make me chase you so long? I'll just say, didn't it feel good to chase something?

03:58Yeah. Remember when you did that with your dreams?

04:02I can't imagine what would be your first crime that you would commit. Would that be it?

04:07Crimes of fashion. Crimes of fashion. Or sodomy.

04:15I think no one's okay now. Is it okay? Yeah.

04:18This is going to be tough, though, isn't it? I mean, if the cops quit, who's going to fly

04:21the helicopter over West Auckland at 3am in the morning?

04:25People are going to miss that. You have no idea what that is in Epsom, mate.

04:30I know where West Auckland is. Dragons be there.

04:37Alright, over to you, team two. Have a look at this news clip. Tell me what it's all about.

04:41And suddenly it was like, oh, you know, yeah, the sales went up and everyone's getting into it.

04:45Oh, jeez, it's rural, Corbett.

04:51It sounds like a guy who's, like, just watched, like, uh, the America's Cup for the first time

04:57and doesn't know how to explain it. You know, like, oh, sales went up and people just go crazy out

05:01there.

05:03Yeah. So, is it something about a boom in the rural sector? Is that the story?

05:10Cows.

05:10Yeah, cows. We think, um, cows are up.

05:17I always think you're better than that, Ben, but maybe not.

05:21No, Aotearoa is currently going through a bit of a gold rush. That's what it's all about.

05:25An increase in gold's prices led to an influx of prospectors heading to our shores.

05:30In the last year, there have been over 500 permits granted for gold mining throughout the country.

05:34This has got to be great news for Westport. A thing.

05:40So, this is, um, this is the state of the New Zealand economy.

05:44The government said, hey, have you tried looking for money in the ground?

05:51And then they'll be like, and we put it there.

05:54It wasn't Labour who put it there. We put it there.

05:59Do you think I could get child Labour?

06:01Like, my kids are already playing in a sandpit.

06:03Like, could I just get them in the river?

06:06I'd be like, mummy, we're hungry.

06:07I'd be like, you get chicken nuggets when you find nuggets, babe.

06:11Wait, have you ever seen pure gold?

06:14No.

06:14Okay, so if you go onto YouTube, um, there's a video online of Ryan Seacrest trying to high-five a

06:20blind guy on American Idol in 2008.

06:22Yes.

06:23That's pure gold.

06:28It's kind of, I think it's like, because there was the gold, an original gold rush in the 1800s.

06:32I think now they have the technology to go through all the tailings, if you like, and extract the little

06:37bits of gold that were left over.

06:39So I think that's what it's all about.

06:40The technology's improved so they can actually get gold out of what was left over.

06:44Like picking sultanas out of muesli.

06:45You got it?

06:47I, the other day, found a hokey-pokey in my bra, so I get the thrill of it.

06:52I definitely was like, is there more?

06:54Yeah.

06:55We've got to get our gold some way, because we're not getting it at the Winter Olympics, are we?

06:59Ooh.

07:00Not we are.

07:01Hey.

07:07All right, enjoy that round.

07:09I'm going to dish out some points now for you to gobble up.

07:11Team 1, you're going to have 10 in Roman numerals, that is X, also the name of the social media

07:16platform the New Zealand Parliament will no longer be posting on due to the fact it's a raging dumpster fire.

07:22Team 2, you're going to have 5, that is the number of goals Auckland FC scored against the Wellington Phoenix,

07:26a zero on the weekend.

07:27Well, I guess the Phoenix did theoretically score one.

07:30Anyway, it prompted Wellington coach Giancarlo Italiano to quit, that being his sixth straight derby loss.

07:3610 beats 5, Team 1 gets the star.

07:38Come on, team 1.

07:44Oh, stars are cool and all, and who wouldn't want them?

07:47But I'd like to give the team who gets the most points at the end of the night something tangible

07:50to take home, store away in their garage to forget about until their next move house.

07:55This week, the winning team will get their very own homemade taser.

07:59Check it out.

08:00Wow.

08:01With half the police off the streets, they'll still be protected, while the losing team will be completely unarmed and

08:06open to attack.

08:08Perfect for stopping intruders, pranking your mates, or cooking a steak really quickly.

08:12Or if the mood strikes, use it on yourself.

08:16There's a lot to play for tonight.

08:17Alright, time now for Guest Who, where we get a star of the week in news with a beautiful face,

08:21then hide that face in an ugly Hessian sack.

08:24Then we bombard them with questions until the teams uncover their identity.

08:28Please clap lots and welcome our Guest Who guest.

08:37Keep going like that, and three, two, one, about there.

08:41How's that?

08:42Good.

08:43Alright, Guest, your job is to answer a yes or no to the questions posed to you by the team.

08:48You get a no, it goes to the other team.

08:50Team 1, you can start.

08:51I'm judging by the Hessian sack, are you the person I patched at Splore on the weekend?

08:56Oh!

08:57No.

08:58Oh.

08:59Uncertain though, maybe.

09:01Uh, did you hang a photo of Prince Andrew in the Louvre?

09:07No.

09:08That's a no, team 1.

09:10Let's just sort of get one on the board, maybe.

09:13Do you do sport?

09:15No.

09:16No?

09:17Actually, thank God.

09:18It's not what the story's about.

09:20Are you from the South Island?

09:22Yes.

09:24It's a South Island no.

09:26Did you just get a bunch of gold?

09:29No.

09:29And it's a no?

09:31Are you from Christchurch?

09:32No.

09:33Mmm.

09:34Maybe in the rural sector?

09:36Because it's South Island and chances are.

09:40Okay.

09:41Okay.

09:41Do you work in the rural sector of New Zealand?

09:46Not really.

09:47It's not, no, that's not the, that's not going to help you.

09:49Can we have another go then?

09:50No.

09:52Are you in any way related to the music industry?

09:56Yes.

09:56Oh, yes.

09:57Yeah, that's a yes.

09:59Do you work in media, the woke liberal media?

10:05Yes.

10:07Are you, do you host, do you host a radio show?

10:11Yes.

10:12Okay.

10:12So that, that might have been the platform for the success of the world.

10:16Oh.

10:17Okay, okay.

10:17Uh, did something that you did on your radio station go viral?

10:22Yes.

10:23Oh.

10:23Did you talk to someone famous and that went viral?

10:28That's a no, that's a no.

10:29Okay, that's not there.

10:30You're doing really well.

10:30I think I've got this.

10:31Okay, great.

10:31Okay, good.

10:32Okay, so South Island, music industry, radio.

10:36I just want to get an easy win.

10:38Country?

10:39Do you know all the words to wagon wheel?

10:44Unfortunately, yes.

10:45Yeah, that's a yes.

10:46That's our final answer.

10:48No, that's not.

10:48I need more.

10:49Um, are you, when you say South Island, are you like the best?

10:53The bottom, bottom of the South Island?

10:56Oh, can you be more specific with that question, please?

10:59No.

11:01South Island, South Island.

11:02Is she the top and or only radio show on South Island?

11:07Yes.

11:08No.

11:09No, you can't.

11:11I don't think you're good.

11:12That's a no, so yes.

11:13South Island radio.

11:15Did something, got some traction, led to a bit of a success that will live with New Zealand

11:20for all time.

11:20Oh.

11:21I have an inkling, but could it be?

11:23Did it have to do with one of the great, like, landmarks of South Island?

11:28Yes.

11:28Okay.

11:28Is it, is it in gore that, what is that, trout, fish?

11:33What about it?

11:34Yes.

11:35Did you name the trout in gore?

11:38We named that trout.

11:39Yes.

11:41Yes.

11:43Yes.

11:43Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

11:45Allow me to introduce Chitty from Hokanui FM in South Island.

11:48Hello.

11:49And you did, there was a vote that was taken and you've named the trout.

11:55Trevor.

11:56Trevor.

11:56Named after every second man in South Island.

11:59And what's even better is, you actually started this idea.

12:02Yes.

12:03So, driving to work every day at 3.30 in the morning by myself, there's not that many people

12:08to talk to in gore.

12:09No.

12:09So, I started talking to the trout.

12:12And then, and then it didn't talk back and I was like, rude.

12:16And then I thought, do you know what?

12:17It's because I don't know its name.

12:19So, I went to the local gore district council and I said, hey, does the trout have a name?

12:24And they said, no.

12:25And I said, I reckon we should name that trout.

12:27So, we did a wee bit of research and it turned out back in 1989, the local gore host lines

12:34club was celebrating one of their anniversaries.

12:36Wow.

12:37So, they had to raise $60,000, which late 80s, after the demise of everything, that was

12:45quite a task.

12:46They ended up raising $139,000.

12:51So, actually, a local fisherman caught the brown trout, put it in his freezer, sculpted

12:57it up, made it look like it was jumping out of the water.

13:01Then, a local artist did his thing.

13:04Like, how much did they fundraise for it?

13:06$60,000.

13:06And then, they ended up with?

13:08$139,000.

13:08So, it started about that big and then that one.

13:12Well, no, the fish is that big, mate.

13:14It wouldn't be a hard sell to the council.

13:16You've just got that young mare down there, haven't you?

13:17Oh, Ben Bell.

13:18Ben Slaughter.

13:19He'd be right on board with this, wouldn't he?

13:20Well, he lives at the fish, so he was a bit like, oh, man.

13:22What do you mean he lives at the fish?

13:23He lives in the fish.

13:24Well, let's remember.

13:25Climbs up into his mouth every night.

13:26That's the council building.

13:27Yeah.

13:29Do you remember some of the other word names that were suggested?

13:32Trouty McTroutface, no doubt.

13:33That always happens.

13:34So, we put it out to, we cast the net far and wide.

13:38You hook it in.

13:39Well, it's fly fishing show.

13:42So, we've then got a top five finalist from the names submitted.

13:47Trixie, Trevor, Gordon, Scout and Finn.

13:52Trixie sounds like the trout's about to take its clothes off.

13:56Well, it's on a pole.

13:59Well, the trout finally has a name and that is Trevor

14:02and that's thanks to Chitty.

14:03Thank you, Chitty, for coming.

14:06And keep that applause going for Tim Martin.

14:08They win the star.

14:09Well done.

14:11Yes, yes.

14:12All right.

14:12Time now for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill,

14:15where the teams grill their brains to get points.

14:16New at home, grill your brain to earn Burger Fuel burgers.

14:20Now, all our Burger Fuel Brain Grills this week

14:22are from the news of 1962.

14:24A year picked at random.

14:26That is definitely not the year I was born.

14:29Ooh!

14:30Team One, your turn first.

14:32Have a look at what's going on in this clip from 1962.

14:34Almost everyone carries a camera.

14:36And for thirsty travellers, the ship boasts a lounge bar.

14:39Comfortable chairs in the observation

14:41lounge encourage passengers to doze the time away.

14:44Great narration.

14:45How nice to have your first experience in the Kuru Lounge.

14:52What's crazy is that the Inter-Islander have not changed the decor at all.

14:56It looks exactly the same.

14:58I do think we can still smoke on that pipe here, are we?

15:00You're pretty much on to it.

15:011962 marked the launch of the country's first roll-on, roll-off ferry service

15:05between Wellington and Picton.

15:06That boat was called the Aramawana.

15:08Before that, travellers had to swim across Cook straight in their cars.

15:13Team Two, you're going to get a turn next break.

15:15And stay tuned, because you, you'll get a chance to win later in the show.

15:18Thanks again to Burger Fuel.

15:19The best thing to happen to burgers since they were invented by the Earl of Burger in 1962.

15:24Break time now.

15:25We'll be back momentarily with Club Topicano on Seven Days.

15:28Chilling!

15:37Aloha, and welcome back.

15:40The sun is setting, it's getting chilly.

15:42It's the perfect time to whip off your jeans and head to the beach for Club Topicana.

15:46Play those steel drums.

15:49Woo!

15:50Woo!

15:52Woo!

15:53Woo!

15:58Club Topicana is brought to you by Dole Pineapples.

16:01Now, let me tell you, we've been doing Club Topicana probably for about 100 episodes,

16:05and every time I get sort of pineapple juice all over my desk.

16:08Only today, someone has solved that problem with a bowl.

16:11Wow.

16:13Yes, pineapple, Apple's flamboyant gay cousin.

16:16Inside these juicy scales lie copious amounts of vitamin C

16:19and a collection of intriguing news stories I've taken note of throughout the week.

16:23Let's see what made the cut.

16:25I snuck this one in after actually seeing Chitty from Hakanui FM Southland before.

16:29I love me and my radio, but I can't pick her station up from Auckland,

16:32so give me some examples of things overheard on Radio Hakanui FM Southland.

16:39OK, OK, we'll take calls on this.

16:41Call them now and tell us how you found out you were related to your wife.

16:53Hello?

16:54Are there any other survivors out there?

16:57I'm out of food and water, please.

17:03Yeah, bloody, yeah, yeah, bloody good, isn't it?

17:05Yeah, yeah, yeah.

17:05Oh, I tell you what, I don't know, yeah, yeah.

17:07I was up there, but I had a bit of a fence fell down.

17:11And, anyway, yeah, so I went to a bloody town.

17:14Yeah, it was a bloody guy on a cell phone, bloody yuppie.

17:17And, yeah, yeah.

17:18So, yeah, we went back and put the fence back up.

17:21And, yeah, yeah, Hotel California.

17:30Bringing you all the hits from the 1870s, 1880s, 1890s and early 1900s.

17:37OK, here's some Gregorian chanting.

17:48I'm just kidding.

17:55I scared ya.

17:56I scared ya.

17:58English as an official language.

18:00English as an official language.

18:04All right.

18:05Oh, yes, OK.

18:07This week, the central tower of the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona

18:10was completed after being in construction for 144 years.

18:15Most people who built it probably did by now.

18:18But what if they're not?

18:19I'd like to see some examples of incredibly old builders, please.

18:25Oh, this is going to be a great centre when it's finished.

18:29Now, where did I put my blowtorch?

18:39I wasn't whistling at the girls walking past.

18:42I just, I just wish when I talk.

18:52Uh, previous work?

18:54Uh, yeah, I built this tower in Italy.

19:06Yeah, guys, um, old Gaz won't be in today.

19:09He's gone to take the long smoko in the sky.

19:13Um, so I'd like us all to pour out our monster energies.

19:16Um, and we're going to do a five-nail gun salute.

19:25Oh, you need a carpenter.

19:26I used to work with a really good one.

19:27Let me just get in touch with him.

19:35All right, we move on.

19:36Back to the pineapple.

19:38Uh, if I can grab the card.

19:40There we go.

19:40Uh, oh, yes, OK.

19:41The town of Devon in England has voted to turn off its streetlights at night.

19:45Why?

19:45I actually don't know.

19:46But what I do know is that I want to see some examples of what life will be like for

19:50the Devonites.

19:51Give me some examples of living in the dark.

19:56Well, I just needed to go when no one would recognize me.

20:01My name?

20:02Well, I just go by Andrew now.

20:12Please be a banana.

20:14Oh, no, please be a banana.

20:15Oh, no, no, please be a banana.

20:16Oh, no, please.

20:18Oh, sorry, Stuart, not again.

20:23How tall's Stuart?

20:29Here comes the...

20:31Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

20:33Here comes the...

20:35And I say...

20:36It's all right.

20:38Doo-doo-doo-doo.

20:44Mum, I've been practicing my tap dancing.

20:47Show you.

20:49I'll show you.

20:56OK.

21:01Sharon, I don't know how much longer I can take this, OK?

21:04I've eaten 60 carrots in the last 24 hours, and all that's happened is jack shit, and I'm blocked up

21:10to here.

21:16Oh, if we're heading to the bedroom, let me just slip on my night vision goggles.

21:24I thought you said you were 6'4".

21:27That ain't Stuart.

21:29All right, next story.

21:31The trailer for the new Star Wars movie has dropped, as many of you will know, you nerds particularly.

21:34It must be hard squishing a 90-minute movie just down to 90 seconds, so I'd like to see some

21:39examples of deleted lines from movie trailers.

21:45Christopher Nolan...

21:47..is back with a film that will have you saying,

21:50Did you get it?

21:57If only she had cooked him those eggs.

22:07Oh, I was a very different Iron Man.

22:17In a world where laughter is king,

22:21one evil, deformed, old tyrant presides over six beautiful, talented, funny people.

22:31Week after week after week.

22:35He'll never go.

22:37Join us this summer for seven days, the movie.

22:43Great to celebrate Ben's last show.

22:47All right, that's it.

22:48I'm closing the beach.

22:49You can rinse out your floaties and deflate your togs.

22:52It's over.

22:52Play the steel drums.

23:04Very good, uh, top-a-carnering teams.

23:06Time for some points.

23:07Uh, you can have, uh, one team one.

23:09That is the number of pictures of ex-Prince Andrew getting arrested that were hung in the Louvre by activists

23:14this week.

23:15You know the picture.

23:16That one, yeah.

23:17We've all got one, eh?

23:18We've all got one.

23:19Oh, very real.

23:20Uh, so you get one.

23:21Uh, you can have 50 team two.

23:23That is the year since mankind walked on the moon.

23:25And that should change in 2028 when Artemis three touches down.

23:29Oh, I love it.

23:30All right, means the star goes to team two.

23:32Finally.

23:36All right, uh, I need to lather myself, uh, with Arlo for the sunburn and the rugburn.

23:41So, avert your eyes for a few minutes.

23:42We'll be back with a cracking game of Slice of Seven on seven days.

23:45We'll be back with you.

24:15All right, team one, you are first up.

24:18You ready to decipher the news story Muraki's singing about?

24:21I'm ready to identify.

24:22Muraki, when you are ready.

24:30Toes underneath, coaches are up in flames.

24:39It's f***ing freezing.

24:43Dentists play drinking games.

24:47I can't believe I paid for this.

24:51My tour bus stinks of piss.

24:55I think 660 are to blame.

25:09First of all, very cool.

25:11Maybe the coolest person.

25:12I'm a musician as well.

25:14I played the clarinet at high school.

25:17I'm hearing a lot of Dunedin burning couches.

25:20Yeah, yeah.

25:22On the piss.

25:23On the piss.

25:24On the piss.

25:25They're hating it.

25:26You got it, yeah.

25:27Yeah, let's go.

25:28On the piss.

25:29On the piss.

25:31Yeah.

25:32Yeah.

25:32Are the students, like, I mean, what's going on?

25:35They just, they've given up.

25:36They don't want to study anymore.

25:37The world's burning.

25:38They're just like, f*** it.

25:39Let's.

25:40I think I might actually know this.

25:42God forbid a woman's informed.

25:46I've heard that there's tours going on in Dunedin of people taking, like, international tourists

25:53down student streets to, like, see them in their natural habitat.

25:59ESM all the way from Australia.

26:01You are correct.

26:02If you are heading to Dunedin in the near future, you can now book yourself a tour of

26:06Castle Street, the iconic centre of student life in the university city, home of the flat

26:11660 Formedon, also the site of a few couch fires.

26:16This is all so bleak, isn't it?

26:18Can you imagine catching a bus?

26:22What annoys me about the whole thing about Dunedin is most of the students there have come

26:27from wealthy Auckland homes.

26:29Yes.

26:30And they go down there and go, oh, isn't it fun to pretend to be poor?

26:35Oh, it's so cute.

26:37And then they go back to Epsom.

26:39Yeah.

26:40I am actually a student at the moment at Auckland Uni, yes.

26:45I'm a mature student, which is the coolest kind.

26:50And I found out this week that my main lecturer, Brian, is a big fan of the show.

26:54So if you're watching Brian, my assignment will be late.

27:00Maybe this is like some sort of reverse psychology.

27:03Like, so they're putting the bus around, they're knocking on the door saying, hey, the bus is

27:08coming in 10 minutes, can you get out there and do some vomiting and stuff?

27:12And they're like, I just don't want to do it anymore.

27:14I just want to have a night at home sober.

27:17Come on, come on, get out there and get drunk.

27:18And it's like the zoo when they start drugging them, like start drugging the students.

27:21I'll give you a couple of nangs.

27:24I'm that crazy.

27:26Like the zoo, you've got to get there at certain hours.

27:28Like, if you don't get there by 10, you miss the Walk of Shane.

27:32They have feeding time, though.

27:33They have feeding time tours around dinner.

27:34That's 2am at the kebab shop.

27:38Are you ready for another song, Moraki?

27:40OK, tell us what Moraki is singing about.

27:42Take it away.

27:50Had a wine, thought that it was juice.

27:57Now I'm on TV slurring, I'm more pissed than a moose.

28:03I really want to tell you all about the ice skating, but my brain is drunk.

28:09I'm making snow angels and I watch them ski, but my vision is blurry.

28:14Let's all sing, sweet Caroline.

28:19Trollied on the Aussie news.

28:24Too much booze at altitude.

28:30Ethics jumping to the sky, so cool.

28:33I'm not drunk, I'm up too high.

28:35Is this going out life?

28:39Don't drink wine out of ski boots.

28:46CHEERING

28:51Like a cool breeze, wafting up your shorts.

28:56Or something nicer, yeah.

29:00I think I know what this is.

29:02Lots of stuff about getting drunk on a mountain.

29:04Yeah, I heard getting drunk, Australian...

29:07Australian news.

29:09Australian news.

29:10Yeah, look, another crowning achievement for our West Islanders.

29:15They had a reporter from the Winter Olympics in Milano.

29:20Oh, sorry.

29:21I like how you moved your eyebrow when you said that.

29:24Milano.

29:26Ah, por favor. That's Spanish. I don't know.

29:33Si, si vous plaît, bonjour.

29:36And she was...

29:39As the French say, le Hamed.

29:44It was a real trip round Europe, wasn't it?

29:47Australian Channel 9 reporter Danica Mason went viral this week

29:50after she slurred her speech during a live Winter Olympics cross.

29:53She did later apologise, admitting she had had a drink

29:56and misjudged the effects at high altitude.

29:59It got so bad at one point, she actually tripped over,

30:01slid down a hill and picked up bronze in the woman's loop.

30:04So, not a complete loss.

30:06I watched this and I loved it.

30:07She delivered the news like she was gossiping in the women's bathroom.

30:10She was like,

30:11babe, you won't believe who won the snowboarding.

30:15I've got to tell you.

30:16The giveaway was when she signed off

30:18and went, ah, and that was, whatever her name was,

30:20Channel 9.

30:21So, where are we going?

30:24And did you know the Kiwis actually supported us in this?

30:27I heard they all boycotted the medal ceremonies in...

30:32..and that's brotherhood.

30:33That's the Anzac tour.

30:36Yes?

30:37Are you going to blame the altitude for your behaviour

30:39at the Seven Days Rap Party last year?

30:42Not the altitude, the attitude.

30:45I don't know how you can blame the altitude at rock bottom,

30:48but go off.

30:51What?

30:52Picking on me all of a sudden.

30:53Suddenly I'm getting hammered.

30:56Le hammered.

30:58All right, Muraki is touring up and down the nation

31:00throughout March.

31:01Check out his new album, Amber Skies, on all the places.

31:04Go to murakimusic.com for all the details

31:07and please give it up one more time for Muraki.

31:13All righty, points, points, points, points.

31:15I'll give you some points.

31:16Team 1, you can have two.

31:17The number of BAFTAs won by Kiwis this week.

31:19Congratulations, Weta FX.

31:22And costume designer Kate Hawley.

31:24Slay.

31:24And team 2, you can have one.

31:25The number of N-words yelled out at those same BAFTAs,

31:28which means team 1 beats team 2 and gets the start.

31:31Well done.

31:34I've got a hunger for another burger-fueled brain grill.

31:37This time it's yours, team 2.

31:38You'll be guessing what ancient 1962 news story

31:41the clip I provide you is from.

31:43Have a look at this.

31:44I was almost terrified at the pace of it, actually.

31:47It was far too fast, far faster than I really wanted to do.

31:51Is this the turtle after the turtle and rabbit race?

31:58I think I know what it is.

31:59You know what it is, yeah.

32:00Yeah.

32:00This is Peter Snell winning the fair of the jambo.

32:06You may not have picked up what Ben said just there,

32:08but he's had a few.

32:09That was Kiwi athlete Peter Snell,

32:11yes, who ran one of the greatest track performances

32:13of all time in Christchurch back in 62.

32:16A world record 800 metres on a rain-sodden grass track.

32:19One minute, 44 seconds.

32:20Try that next time you're on the treadmill at the gym.

32:23He's a total legend.

32:24All right.

32:25Remember, you at home have a chance to be a legend like Peter Snell

32:27later in the show with a brain grill of your very own,

32:29so stick around for that.

32:30And also because we have a very special game after the break.

32:33It is Jeremy's special game.

32:35Told you.

32:35See you soon.

32:48Welcome back to Seven Days, Rachel.

32:51And everyone else watching.

32:52Did that freak you out, Rachel?

32:53I hope it did.

32:54All right.

32:54Now, time now for my favourite part of the show.

32:57It's Jeremy's special game.

32:58This week's special game is Charade the News.

33:01In this game, one team member will be given a category

33:03based on a topical news story.

33:05Then they have to act out what is written on the cards I provide them.

33:09They all fit in that category.

33:10You'll get it.

33:10All right.

33:11This week at the Winter Olympics, the USA played Canada.

33:13Very tense ice hockey match for the gold medal.

33:15The USA taking the honours there.

33:17Team one.

33:18So your category is rivalries, like USA and Canada.

33:22Johanna and Emma, you have to guess what famous rivalries

33:25Chris is acting out.

33:27Chris, let me double-check.

33:28There are your cards.

33:29If you would go and assume the position over by the stage there.

33:32So Chris is going to act out he has several rivalries

33:35that he's going to mime to you.

33:37You have a minute?

33:38Are you ready, Chris?

33:39I'd say it's pretty rich of you to call charades

33:41Jeremy's special game.

33:44I've turned it into a TV game.

33:46OK.

33:47OK.

33:48Rivalries.

33:49OK.

33:49Here we go.

33:50You ready?

33:51OK.

33:52Oh, my God.

33:54A dog and a...

33:56Two dogs.

33:57Ruff, ruff.

33:58A scra...

33:58It's a rivalry.

33:59A dog and a cat.

34:00Dogs versus cats.

34:01Dogs versus cats.

34:02Yeah, well done.

34:06Car drivers.

34:07Oh, f*** off.

34:08Drivers and cyclists.

34:09Yes, you got it.

34:10Johanna got it.

34:11Move on.

34:14Curling?

34:15Oh, my God.

34:16Oh, my God.

34:17Oh, Peter Rodmery.

34:21Oh, my God.

34:22Oh, eating.

34:22Batter on toast.

34:23Eating.

34:24Marmite.

34:24Oh, my God.

34:25Oh, my God.

34:25Marmite.

34:25Yeah, what up.

34:28Oh, throwing away.

34:30Running.

34:30Rugby.

34:32Springbok.

34:33All Blacks versus Wallabies.

34:34Australia versus New Zealand.

34:36Springbok versus...

34:37Springbok versus...

34:38New Zealand.

34:40All Blacks.

34:41That'll lose.

34:42Yep.

34:42Spadden.

34:44Drinking.

34:45Partying.

34:46Bubbles.

34:46Girls.

34:46Beer.

34:49I got drunk.

34:51He's drunk.

34:52Oh, my God.

34:52Drinking.

34:53Beer versus...

34:55Prosecco.

34:57Prosecco.

34:58Gay men.

34:59Is my mom having...

35:05Oh, he's burping.

35:06Yeah.

35:07He's acting crazy.

35:08Oh, my God.

35:09Okay, boys versus girls.

35:11Can versus glass.

35:13Oh, my God.

35:14Can.

35:15Linda.

35:16Linda Frase versus Linda Brute.

35:18You are allowed to move on if you want.

35:20Time!

35:21We've just had time.

35:28Would you mind telling your team what the last one was?

35:31That you mind just...

35:33Coke versus Pepsi.

35:35Why are you drunk?

35:36Why are you drunk?

35:36Why are you...

35:38Congratulations.

35:38Team won by my count.

35:40That was five that you got correct.

35:41That's a good score.

35:42Well done.

35:44Team two, we're coming to you now.

35:46This week, a baby macaque...

35:47Macaque?

35:48Excuse me.

35:50Oh!

35:57Jeremy's special game.

36:06How's it getting over there?

36:15Oh, God.

36:16Okay.

36:17Well, I've had a good run.

36:21Team two, we're coming to you.

36:22This week, a baby macaque monkey went viral for forming a loving friendship with a soft toy monkey.

36:26Oh, it was so fun.

36:27So, your category...

36:28Oh, very cute, wasn't it?

36:28Your category is Celebrity Animals, Ben.

36:31Here are your cards.

36:32If you'd like to go where Chris was standing.

36:34And then I'll start.

36:35We have 60 seconds on the clock.

36:37God, can I just say, Chris Parker spent three years at drama school.

36:43And he got five.

36:44Yeah.

36:45Okay, take it away, Ben.

36:46Go.

36:51Celebrity Animals.

36:52Pebble a pew?

36:55What is this?

36:56Oh, my God.

36:57Oh, stink.

36:58It's a cat.

36:59It's a sexy cat.

37:00It's a skunk.

37:02It's...

37:03Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, some of the sheep.

37:05Some of the sheep.

37:05Uh, big sheep.

37:07Hulk?

37:08No, what's it called?

37:08Trick the sheep?

37:09Yes, roll down.

37:10Roll down on it.

37:11Oh, um, uh...

37:14Um...

37:15Oh, it's a snake?

37:15A kiwi.

37:16Good night, kiwi.

37:17Yeah, roll down.

37:18Boom.

37:22A horse?

37:23A horse?

37:24A worm.

37:25Oh, oh, the dolphin?

37:28Oh, jumping...

37:30Flipper.

37:31Flipper.

37:32Flipper?

37:33Flipper.

37:34Flipper, willie?

37:35No.

37:37Wow.

37:39Oh, no.

37:42Uh, Harambe.

37:45Uh...

37:46Oh, it's a stingray that killed Steve.

37:51Wow.

37:52Oh, uh...

37:55Emma, Emma, Australian.

37:57Australian emir?

37:57Australian wombat, wombat.

37:59Uh...

37:59Koala.

38:00Uh, kangaroo.

38:01Kangaroo jack.

38:03Don't...

38:04Uh...

38:07A sheepdog.

38:08Louie?

38:09Yeah, well done.

38:10Time!

38:11That is time.

38:15Oh, my God.

38:17You guys have really done justice to my special game.

38:20It's a tie.

38:21Five all.

38:24It's a tie, so both teams get a star.

38:27Well done.

38:28Great work.

38:31Knowing the answer, it was a great mime.

38:33How about my Coke?

38:34All right.

38:37Salad!

38:37I can't believe...

38:42How else are you supposed to mime, Coke?

38:45Yeah.

38:46It's a good question.

38:47Who does have a good mime for Coke?

38:49Yeah, exactly.

38:50Coca-Cola or...

38:51Oh.

38:56All right.

38:57Listen up, everyone at home.

38:58It is now your turn, including you, Rachel,

39:00to fire up your brains for the burger-fueled brain grill.

39:03Take a look at this image from 1962.

39:06All right.

39:06What is going on there?

39:08Have a look on our Facebook or Instagram pages

39:10and send in your funniest answer.

39:12You could win, thanks to the greatest burger chefs

39:14in all the land at Burger Fuel.

39:15You do that during the break

39:17while I sit here and think of some beat-the-dings

39:19to stump these guys.

39:20See you back here soon for a bit more on 7 Days.

39:31Momoa, kukimai, welcome back.

39:33It is time now to get my favourite dinger

39:35out of its velvet pouch, place it softly on the desk

39:38and get to dinging the heck out of it

39:40while comedians attempt to list things

39:41in the brain-melting category I give them.

39:44This is Beat the Ding.

39:45Every successful answer gets their team a star,

39:47so it's all to play for.

39:48My finger is on my dinger.

39:50Let's go.

39:51New road rules have been proposed,

39:53including drivers giving way to buses

39:54and allowing kids to ride their bikes on the footpaths.

39:57Lana, I'll give you nine seconds

39:58to tell off another driver for breaking the rules.

40:01Road rage optional.

40:02Go.

40:03What were you thinking?

40:04You're an idiot!

40:06It was really nonce.

40:11Honestly, go home and look in the mirror yourself.

40:14You're a dork!

40:17And none of us want you on the road!

40:18Just quit driving, bro!

40:23I would love to be road raged by you.

40:27It's not that it became relatable at the end.

40:30Bro!

40:32Oh, yeah, you started hard out.

40:34You're like, you're a nonce,

40:35and then you're a dork,

40:37and then, come on, bro!

40:40Oh, I'm going to give you a star for that.

40:41Lana, well done.

40:42It was good.

40:45In a State of the Union speech on Wednesday,

40:47Donald Trump said

40:47America was the hottest country anywhere in the world.

40:50Johanna, you have seven seconds

40:51to name six hot things in a deep American accent.

40:55Go.

40:56Maroki.

40:59Wings.

41:00The temperature, Australia.

41:02Oh, um, my feet.

41:05It's not going to happen.

41:07It needs to be six anyway.

41:08It was a hard challenge.

41:09I only gave you seven seconds.

41:11All right, we move on.

41:12Phoenix head coach Giancarlo Italiano,

41:14we mentioned, resigned dramatically

41:15after losing horrendously to Auckland FC

41:17on the weekend.

41:18It is football, Chris.

41:20You have ten seconds to dramatically resign

41:22from seven days, and give me reasons why.

41:24Go.

41:25I have had it.

41:27With Jeremy's behaviour at the seven days rat party,

41:30it's unacceptable.

41:31He was waving his baby macawker.

41:36We've heard enough.

41:37We've heard enough.

41:38I'll give you a star.

41:40Well done.

41:43Wellington Mayor Andrew Little

41:44swam at Lyle Bay this week

41:45to prove the beaches are safe to swim in.

41:47We don't know if he's still alive, of course.

41:49Hawanna, you're from Wellington.

41:51You have ten seconds to name two Wellington beaches

41:53and four little things.

41:54Go.

41:56Pituone Beach,

41:57Eastbourne Beach,

41:58Lyle Bay.

41:59Wait, how many?

42:00Four little things.

42:03Stuart.

42:06Jeremy's special game.

42:08One more.

42:08No, just didn't quite make it.

42:10Not quite there.

42:11No star for you.

42:11Give me another tone.

42:13No.

42:14All right, world champion surfer Kelly Slater

42:15is playing at the New Zealand Open Golf Tournament

42:18this weekend at Millbrook.

42:19Ben, 12 seconds to give me five famous surfing phrases.

42:23Go.

42:23Oh, yeah, cowabunga, dude.

42:26You've got to get wet.

42:30Get a splash about in that.

42:33Water hill.

42:34That's a big one.

42:36Catch a tube, hang a ten.

42:39Do the fly maker.

42:41No star.

42:42Dunk your head in the brine, bra.

42:48You're such a grommet.

42:50All right.

42:51Sorry, no star for you, Ben.

42:53Even though you're very cool.

42:55The southernmost mad butcher is closing.

42:57Emma, you have 12 seconds to tell us

42:59six different meats in the style of a mad butcher.

43:02Go.

43:03Chicken.

43:06Beef.

43:07Bacon.

43:10Pork.

43:12Two more.

43:12Duck.

43:13Goose.

43:14Yeah, that'll do.

43:15That'll do.

43:15Well done, Emma.

43:17You get a star.

43:18Well, all the dings have been dong.

43:19Let's find out who has racked up the most stars

43:21to win the night.

43:22Would you believe it?

43:22Look at that.

43:22It's not a long.

43:23Team one.

43:26Well done.

43:28Here you go.

43:29Congratulations, Chris.

43:30There is the prize.

43:31Well and security of your brand new taser.

43:34Bad luck to team two.

43:35He'll presumably be killed on the way home.

43:37Thank you so much for watching.

43:39Please join me in thanking Chris, Johanna, Emma, Ben,

43:41Hwani and Lana.

43:42We'll see you in seven days on seven days.

43:43Ma pewa.

43:45Ma pewa.

43:50Grazie bella.

43:54New Zealand on air is the Italian saying,

43:57na mihinui.

43:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

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