7 Days (NZ) Season 18 Episode 5

Reality Insight Hub

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Transcript

00:22Welcome to Lord Flight 7 Days, I'm your captain Jeremy Corden.

00:26Boy, do I have a treat for all you fans of a good sesquin centennial.

00:30It is our 450th episode, we couldn't have done it without you at home for watching a nation

00:35of bloody legends and our legendary in-studio audience.

00:38Give yourselves a round of applause for the 450th time and meet the teams.

00:48The leader of Team One has had a good week actually, on Tuesday, Search and Rescue found

00:52a pair of missing hikers in his beard, it's Rhys Mathewson.

00:55Thank you Jeremy.

00:56Great week, good news, good result.

00:58Lovely to see you, you do not look a day over 449 episodes.

01:03We have a very powerful Team One this evening, he killed a man with his bear hands and she

01:07killed a bear with her man hands.

01:13And the captain of Team Two is an ONZM which stands for Ordinary New Zealand Man.

01:20Putting the DH into ADHD, it's Dye Hemwitz!

01:25Thank you very much.

01:26Thank you very much.

01:26I got a little badge as well, saying ONZM and everything that was very flash.

01:31Yeah that's brutal.

01:32Now Team Two, look at these two.

01:35They're sort of like the odd couple cast in a movie where their friends die and they get

01:39custody of a baby.

01:42Just things to think about, it's Angela Drummond and Chris Barker.

01:49Our first game of F430, as we like to call it, is Newsmakers where I rip a clip from a

01:54big

01:54news story of the week and the panellists have to inform me which story it is from.

01:58Team One, you're up first, you're going to hear a new topical term, I want you to tell

02:02me what it means.

02:03I think we've all learnt in recent weeks of this new phrase, crack spread, which sounds

02:09rude.

02:11It does.

02:12Crack spread.

02:13That's like Nutella.

02:16Crack spread's like crack.

02:17Yeah, yeah.

02:18I thought crack spread was what happens when you don't call Novus for your windshield.

02:24No, this is very clearly based on the Iran economic response down the bottom.

02:30This is to do with oil.

02:31We currently have 50 days worth of oil left, 51 if we squeeze out Brian Tamaki's hair.

02:39As I'm sure all of you at home know, crack spread is the difference in price between

02:42a barrel of crude oil and the petrol refined from it.

02:45It's in the news because we're running out of fuel.

02:47May even have to revert to carless days, the scheme from the 1970s.

02:51So welcome to our fuel crisis.

02:53I mean, those people who've always said, you know, children are our most precious natural

02:57resource must be feeling pretty stupid right now.

03:01I mean, carless days sucks for commuters, but it's absolutely devastating for Tina from

03:05Turner's.

03:08Cyclists are just going to feel really weird though.

03:12Like on a carless day, they'll feel like how ducks feel the day after hunting season

03:18ends.

03:23I do kind of like the idea though that like all the boy racers that would drive by and

03:27call me a homophobic slur have to do it from an e-bike now.

03:34It takes out a bit of the punch boys, doesn't it?

03:37It's good to see schools are pivoting.

03:39I know at my son's school they're now teaching you how to siphon petrol from your neighbour's

03:43car.

03:45It could just be an Avondale thing, but we're...

03:49You know what?

03:50I think we're going to be fine because I reckon it's going to be just like when the fuel light

03:53comes on in your car.

03:54Like when the fuel reserves go.

03:56We've got like 40 or 50k left.

03:58I reckon.

03:58You know.

03:59We have carless days too, but we just call it being poor.

04:05You're not going to be surprised to hear this, but I remember the carless days from

04:08the 1970s.

04:09Hey!

04:12Um, but you don't, it's not all cars aren't off the road at all the time.

04:16You get a sticker, different colour for every day of the week, and you have to put that

04:19on your car.

04:20So we got a green sticker I think, which meant we couldn't drive that car on Tuesdays.

04:24So luckily we had hundreds of cars, so it wasn't a problem.

04:29So I'm a massive straighter hormones guy, right?

04:32What?

04:33Like...

04:35Like you know...

04:36So what?

04:36You know what?

04:37You know the straighter hormones, right?

04:39I'm a big man.

04:40Straight and hormones?

04:42No.

04:43Straights of hormones where the...

04:45Oh!

04:45Yeah.

04:46Alright.

04:47Ayatollah Khomeini.

04:49What?

04:50That is not my name.

04:52If anyone from the States is watching, not my name.

04:54I know it's not your name, you've just got a very similar vibe.

04:56It's the bottleneck for all the chain of, yeah, supply.

04:59Why are you telling me I'm a massive straighter hormones?

05:01I know, yeah.

05:02So, I was into it before everyone else, right?

05:05Oh really?

05:05I was blocking that shit with a kayak and a shotgun way back in the day.

05:09But, what I don't understand is, we've got planes.

05:14Why don't you fly the oil out?

05:16Eh?

05:17You haven't thought of that, have you?

05:19I think oil tankers can take about 120 million litres of fuel.

05:23I don't know that your average aeroplane's gonna handle that.

05:26Yeah, you don't know.

05:28Well you say it.

05:31The crucial part.

05:33Alright team two, we're coming over to you.

05:35Why is this a news maker?

05:36Please, have a look at this.

05:37Throw your phone in a lake.

05:39Throw it in the garbage.

05:40Get rid of it.

05:41I think this is what happens if you've got a flip phone.

05:44Just chuck it.

05:47Why would you be chucking your phone away?

05:49Spying on you, eh?

05:50You think so?

05:51Yeah, I mean you're always thinking that people are listening in on you.

05:53Yeah, no, I'm a step ahead.

05:55You know?

05:56Never use my government name.

05:57Strangolos, eh?

05:58What does it, Di?

05:59Well, this is paranoia around people thinking their phones are spying on them.

06:05So she's obviously going the extreme, chug it in the river.

06:08Yeah, new research suggests your phone is not actively listening to you.

06:12As many people fear the reality, even creepier.

06:15It's tracking everything else you do and predicting which ads will appeal to you the most.

06:20For me, I think it's better to be safe than sorry.

06:23I assume my phone is listening.

06:25When I talk to myself, I put on a variety of different voices.

06:28So at least my phone thinks I have friends.

06:32It'll report back to the HQ.

06:33Jeremy, lots of friends.

06:35All different nationalities.

06:38Some probably shouldn't be doing.

06:44People are so paranoid about their tech spying on them.

06:47Like, lots of people put their, like, a little bit of tape over their laptop camera.

06:50I don't do that because I actually perform better when I know I'm being watched.

06:56I try to unlock my phone in my face and it just suggested I go to Turkey for gastric sleep.

07:03Well, if our phones are listening to us, though, I'd just like to get out ahead of the scandal and

07:09formally apologise to my phone.

07:11That accent that I was doing by myself is actually a celebration of Jamaican culture.

07:17There's actually an amazing, there's this amazing day when the algorithm works out that you're gay.

07:23Because it's sort of like, it sort of susses you out like a sort of estranged auntie would, where it's

07:27sort of just like, what's going on with you, Chris?

07:29And then one day it's like, Chris, you're gay.

07:36You might like these rainbow shorts with a built-in jockstrap.

07:42And I do. I love them. I'm wearing them right now.

07:45This is true. I got recommended, I started getting recommended, like, diabetes medication.

07:51Now, I do not have diabetes.

07:52You will.

08:00That sounded like a threat.

08:03What does she know?

08:04Yeah, yeah.

08:05I was talking to your phone about it.

08:11Oh, that was a great round. They had both news and making. Love it.

08:13For points, Team Wayne, you can have seven.

08:16Liam Lawson's placing in the Chinese Grand Prix and the sprint.

08:18The race was won by 19-year-old Kimmy Antonelli.

08:21What were you doing when you were 19, eh?

08:23Team 2, 30,000.

08:25Good score.

08:25That's the prize money won by far north man Harley Ra,

08:28derreeling in a 7.6kg snapper.

08:31The 90-mile beach snapper,

08:33Bonanza World's biggest surf casting festival,

08:35which means the star goes to Team 2.

08:43It is, as mentioned, our 450th episode.

08:46So the team that gets the most stars this evening

08:48will win a wonderful prize.

08:49And I'm very excited to present it to you,

08:51especially this week.

08:52I spent all night working on it.

08:53Have a look at that and go, ooh.

08:55That is...

08:55Ooh!

08:56Ooh!

08:57That is one cake with 450 candles,

09:0123 million calories,

09:02and it says everything about seven days, I think.

09:05Yeah.

09:05What...

09:06What's the doll?

09:07There's like a...

09:09Why is there a doll?

09:10Oh, doll pineapples.

09:12So you can take that, light it up, eat it, freeze it,

09:16use it for a doorstop.

09:17Whatever you do, teams,

09:18if you win tonight,

09:19if you get enough stars.

09:19Alright, time now for Yes Minister on 7A,

09:21where politicians are encouraged to answer

09:23these guys' hardball questions

09:24without giving us a yes or no.

09:26This week,

09:27all the way from the Ikira Rawhiti electorate

09:29on the East Coast,

09:30please welcome,

09:30Kushla Tangari Manuel.

09:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

09:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

09:38Sit yourself down.

09:40So your job to answer the questions,

09:42but not use yes or no.

09:43Got it?

09:45Ka-pai.

09:47Alright, teams.

09:49Kusha, you are the co-chairperson

09:51of the Parliamentary Group

09:52for Latin American and Caribbean Friendship.

09:54Is that right?

09:55I am.

09:56So would you say it's okay to do an accent

09:58as long as it's a celebration of Jamaica?

10:00LAUGHTER

10:02That's not something I've partaken in.

10:05Kushla.

10:06I see that you're now the spokesperson

10:08for emergency management

10:09and natural hazards.

10:11Does this mean you're now responsible

10:13for the natural hazard

10:14that is David Seymour?

10:16LAUGHTER

10:17Nobody can take responsibility.

10:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

10:28KUSH-LA-LA-LA

10:29That's the way that we rock

10:30when we're doing our thing.

10:31KUSH-LA-LA-LA

10:34That's the LA that we bring

10:35when the refugees...

10:37It's not always about you.

10:38Anyway...

10:38Yeah, I've got a question.

10:39I was just opening it up

10:40with a sick rendition of the Fugees.

10:44LAUGHTER

10:45I feel we're being sidetracked

10:47by the white man once again.

10:50LAUGHTER

10:52KUSH-LA, is it true

10:54that if Winston Peters stays out

10:56after midnight he turns into a pouch of tobacco?

10:59LAUGHTER

11:00I couldn't possibly comment!

11:03KUSH-LA,

11:05KUSH-LA WAIT

11:05Thank you for your service.

11:08LAUGHTER

11:10My question is

11:11did you put a hyphen in your name

11:15just so that the people in your electorate

11:18It also has a hyphen in its name

11:21would succumb to some sort of subliminal

11:25wizardry

11:25and thus elect you?

11:28The true answer is actually very, very boring,

11:31but, you know, there's no harm in spreading yourself

11:33across Whakapapa when it comes to elections.

11:39Kushler, is it true that Shane Jones is turning the beehive

11:42into a secret oil depot for MP?

11:45I'm getting paranoid about all these New Zealand First questions.

11:49Ironically, they don't actually have New Zealand First.

11:54You used to be the CEO of Ngāti Paroese Coast Rugby, right?

11:57Correct.

11:58So if politics doesn't work out,

11:59do you reckon you could be head coach of the All Blacks?

12:02Is that an easier job?

12:04Someone actually asked me that.

12:06Yeah, it was me.

12:09Just now.

12:10It was another comedian.

12:12Actually, rugby is a great preparation for politics.

12:17If you look at the structure of New Zealand rugby,

12:19it's made up of provincial unions and clubs who, you know,

12:23therefore constituencies,

12:25who all want their best interests represented.

12:27And there's a lot of f***wits with head injury.

12:35Kushler, Dahin, with Diploma and Philosophy.

12:40Is the future of New Zealand hopeful?

12:43Absolutely the future of New Zealand is hopeful,

12:45and I see it every day.

12:47In the communities I serve throughout Ika Rua Rāwhiti,

12:50even though we know that the cost of living is going crazy,

12:54when I visit families and communities,

12:57they have aspirations and plans for the future of Aotearoa.

13:00And themselves.

13:10Sorry, Bunny Duncan, um, hi.

13:15Just wondering, I notice you're not wearing socks.

13:21Did you ever used to buy red socks prior to getting into Parliament?

13:30And do you now consider, if not,

13:33do you now consider red as a potential sock?

13:36Colour.

13:38When you're out.

13:39Stop shopping.

13:42Typically I wear socks.

13:44OK.

13:46They just wouldn't be a good look with their shoes.

13:48Ah, yeah.

13:49Oh, yeah.

13:50Fair play.

13:51You went to Ngata Memorial College?

13:54Ngata, yes.

13:55Ah!

13:58It doesn't count, Ray.

13:59It doesn't count.

14:00You can say that as much as you like.

14:01But you were head girl.

14:02I was head girl at Ngata Memorial College.

14:06Awesome.

14:06I just wanted a yes.

14:09Sorry, and with your uniform at the...

14:14Knowledge.

14:15I'm just checking.

14:17Did you have to wear socks?

14:20Then?

14:21There were standard socks.

14:23Right.

14:23And you were aware of?

14:25I was.

14:26OK.

14:27That's all.

14:30Do you still work for TVNZ as well?

14:33As a reporter?

14:34I did.

14:35Do your mates go easy on you in press conferences?

14:39They do not.

14:40Oh?

14:41Yeah.

14:42In fact, sometimes they can get the title.

14:44Oh, that's a yeah.

14:46Give it up for Kushla Tangari Magal.

14:48Well done.

14:50You nailed it.

14:52Thank you so much.

14:53Thanks.

14:54Take a fair time.

14:56And congratulations to our winning team.

14:58Team 2.

14:59Congratulations.

15:00You get a star, Team 2.

15:02Time now for the burger-fueled brain grill.

15:04This week, we're taking the DeLorean back to 2014.

15:07Team 1, what is happening in this picture, please?

15:092014.

15:10Oh, this is the good old days when we had spare petrol for play.

15:16Is this Wellington's first shit-go-at-the-bucket fountain?

15:21Uh, this is an amniotic fluid gender reveal party.

15:28Tastes like a boy.

15:32Uh, 2014, I'm going to guess that this is Ice Bucket Challenge or some shit.

15:37Boom.

15:37Yeah, that was the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, undertaken by millions of people across the

15:41world to raise money for motor neuron disease.

15:42Uh, remember it myself.

15:44Someone nominated me to do that challenge.

15:46Unfortunately, I was already doing the Say No to Stupid Challenges Challenge.

15:49So, couldn't do it.

15:51All right.

15:52Let's take five.

15:52You put your bathing costume on.

15:54After the break, we'll head off to Club Topakana here on Seven Days.

16:07Talofa, and welcome back to Seven Days.

16:10Our Prime Minister flew to Samoa this week, but we can only afford the fuel to get to that

16:14screen over there for Club Topakana.

16:15Let's go.

16:16Play the steel drums.

16:28Yes, Club Topakana, as always, brought to you by Dull Pineapples.

16:32Corby fact, pineapples contain an enzyme called bromelain, which is used to soften meat.

16:37Exactly what I need every time I see one of them sexy pineapples.

16:41All right, inside this gorgeous fruit are none of my bodily fluids, but a collection of topical

16:46tales I picked from the Garden of News this week.

16:48Let's dig in.

16:49I want to hear a little bit more about some of these.

16:51Okay, weddings.

16:52National MP Mark Murchill is getting married.

16:54Congratulations, Mark.

16:55It will be his fourth time doing so, which is interesting.

16:58I've never been to a fourth wedding before.

16:59Very much like to.

17:01Show me some scenes from a fourth wedding, please.

17:08Gary.

17:09Gary.

17:10This is Gary.

17:11He's a great priest.

17:12Hi, Gary.

17:13How's it been?

17:14How are the kids?

17:16It's great to see you again, yeah.

17:17Oh, this is, um, uh, Stephanie.

17:19Sorry, Michelle.

17:19Stephanie.

17:20Michelle.

17:21Mike.

17:22Wendy.

17:24Dominic.

17:24Judith.

17:25Mike.

17:26Ju-

17:26Janae?

17:27Jeff.

17:28I'm just so happy.

17:34And I now pronounce you husband and wife.

17:37And if you pass me your loyalty card, I'll stamp it.

17:40And your next one's free.

17:42There you go.

17:46And if anyone here has any reason, these two should not wed besides you three.

17:54LAUGHTER

18:05I'm an elderly granny, by the way.

18:14Well, I'm not bothering learning this sluzzer's name.

18:21Sluzzer.

18:23LAUGHTER

18:24LAUGHTER

18:25LAUGHTER

18:31You may kiss the bride.

18:41APPLAUSE

19:03All right, back to the pineapple we go for our next story.

19:07Sticking with politicians, crime minister...

19:09Crime minister?

19:11There you are!

19:19Take that!

19:20Take that!

19:22Crime minister!

19:23I was so woke!

19:27Now poor Lux is catching strays from the far right.

19:40I should have just said PM.

19:42Prime Minister Chris Lux and visited Samoa this week, as mentioned, was gifted the title

19:47of Matai or Samoa in Chief.

19:48If that was a work trip, what would a vacation be like for an MP, you know, holiday?

19:53Give us some examples of politicians on island holidays, please.

20:00Buller, Mr Hipkins, here's your eight bottles of sunscreen.

20:03Let's not get burnt twice in one weekend.

20:11It gives me great pleasure to be the first European here.

20:24Winston!

20:26Winston!

20:35Oh, that's a lot of coconuts.

20:40Sorry, it feels weird coming from me.

20:42Um, Rhys, can you say it?

20:46Because...

20:47Oh, that's a lot of coconuts.

20:51Do it in a Jamaican accent!

20:53No!

20:54No!

20:54More!

20:55More!

20:55Not a coconuts up in Japan!

20:59Send the applause!

21:00Send the applause!

21:00Alright, goodbye!

21:02As a celebration of their culture!

21:10Talofa.

21:13We're not...

21:13We're not in Samoa, Judith.

21:15This is Bali.

21:20Potato, potato.

21:26Uh, excuse me, excuse me.

21:27Did I just hear David Seymour's on the snorkelling expedition?

21:31Can I book a spearfishing tour, please?

21:40I'm sorry, young man.

21:42You have to be 18 or over for the spa pool.

21:43Oh, sorry, Simeon Brown.

21:45I'm so sorry.

21:47You look so little in your ash vest.

21:50LAUGHTER

21:53Oh, darling, those togs are far too small.

21:56I can see you're Member of Parliament.

21:58LAUGHTER

22:01Checking in.

22:03A reservation.

22:04Uh, what I would say to you is that we, uh, may have a reservation,

22:07but there are many New Zealanders with or without reservations, and we're doing our absolute best to ensure those reservations

22:13for Kiwis who want reservations.

22:15In terms of the practicalities, look, we haven't ruled anything out.

22:18LAUGHTER

22:19We haven't ruled anything out.

22:20The actual problem is we're dealing with the reservation problem from the last government.

22:24That's...

22:24LAUGHTER

22:28Oh, and this hotel has a 35% approval rating, which is good.

22:33LAUGHTER

22:33No need to change the hotel.

22:36LAUGHTER

22:36I think that's very popular, 35%.

22:40That's 35% who believe in this hotel.

22:43LAUGHTER

22:46Uh, Mr Speaker, I'd like to address the opposition.

22:50Hey!

22:50Fuck al calma, oi ah!

22:53LAUGHTER

22:59So let's go to our next story.

23:01Um, Louis Thoreau's documentary about the Manosphere is making a few waves this week.

23:05Great film.

23:06I'd like to see some examples of docos that didn't make such a splash.

23:10Teams, if you'd be so kind, show me some rejected documentaries, please.

23:16This is another docu-series on the mushroom murder trial.

23:21But this time, from the point of view of the mushrooms.

23:30Two men, one kayak, the gay of Hormuz.

23:34LAUGHTER

23:42Siphoning Comedian's Life Force. The Secret to Eternal Youth. A Jeremy Corbett story.

23:47LAUGHTER

23:52To all of New Zealand, I'm just the mad butcher.

23:56But when I look in the mirror, I'm the sad butcher.

24:00LAUGHTER

24:01LAUGHTER

24:05Dude, where's my slippers?

24:0824 hours inside the wildest rest home in Hamilton.

24:13LAUGHTER

24:15All right, one more for you.

24:17Uh, this week, a Hawke's Bay pub celebrated...

24:19celebrated?

24:20Jacinda Ardern's new book by burning it.

24:23Well, I've never heard of that happening before.

24:24Uh, but it did intrigue me, so I'd like to see some more examples

24:27of unlikely things to hear in a rural pub.

24:33Yeah, g'day, just the one shandy, thanks.

24:36LAUGHTER

24:39Yeah, sorry, you reckon you could turn that sport down?

24:42Yeah, my mate's just opening up about his divorce.

25:05LAUGHTER思

25:05SO'S lecturer,

25:08I'm Dave. He...they.

25:16Yeah, shit, I've had a few, I might not actually draw it.

25:25All right, all right, everyone, let's just start the night with a karakia.

25:33So, you know, mate, it's a D, like Jacinda, not Jacinta.

25:42Sorry to say that, like Akaroa, there's a bit of oil in the water.

25:46Take a couple of mouthfuls, because that's stuff worth heaps.

25:48Play the steel drums, everyone, sit yourselves down.

25:55I say things, they're not always words or sentences.

26:01All right, very good, top of Kana, thank you, teams.

26:04Team one, you can have the amount paid at an auction for David Gilmore's guitar,

26:07used on several of Pink Floyd's best albums.

26:09$24 million.

26:11Nice.

26:11NZ, not bad for the blackstrat.

26:13Team two, you can have 2,200, that's the number of live ants.

26:16A man was attempting to smuggle out of Kenya.

26:20Oh, bloody former karakia market, eh?

26:22Too tempting.

26:23Guitars beats ants, star goes to team one.

26:26All right, team two, your turn now for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.

26:33We're going back to 2014, as mentioned.

26:35Sneaker peek.

26:36And tell me, who is this person talking about?

26:38You are incredible.

26:40You are courageous.

26:42You are hardworking.

26:44He's not talking to his box of Viagra, is he?

26:49Speaking to his supporters, that's what he was doing.

26:51That was then Labor leader David Cunliffe, who valiantly led his party to a glorious silver

26:56medal in the 2014 election.

26:58Lowest election result in MMP history with 25% of the vote.

27:02Ow.

27:02He was the 15th leader of the Labor Party and the 12th one called David.

27:06All right, let's all take five to towel off and regather.

27:09Meet here after the break for the cult classic, My Kid Could Draw That, right here on Seven

27:23Welcome back to Seven Days, you.

27:25You look good.

27:26Time now to whip out your felts and crayons for a round of My Kid Could Draw That, where

27:29creative children paint their best portraits of a news event for our critical comedians.

27:34This week we're headed to Matapō Primary School on the Teatatu Peninsula.

27:38Thank you for having us, Matapō.

27:39So, let's see how the kids went.

27:41Team one, you are first up.

27:43What has your kid drawn here, please?

27:45My name is Nadia and I go to Matapō Primary School and this is my picture.

27:52Great picture, Nadia.

27:53Great.

27:54Beautiful use of perspective.

27:56Cubist almost.

27:57Yeah.

27:59Very textural.

28:00Very textural.

28:01I'm seeing a fruit band.

28:04Seven Days.

28:06Seven Days is there, so clearly a fan of the show.

28:08We've got aisles.

28:10We've got a supermarket.

28:11A band is playing in the supermarket.

28:14They are training fruit to play music in supermarkets.

28:20Yeah, that's the answer.

28:22Yeah.

28:22Why not?

28:24Yeah.

28:25Because that would be nonsensical.

28:27But let's check with Nadia.

28:28Nadia, what have you drawn, please?

28:30My picture is about supermarkets being the hottest new concert venue.

28:34This is the band and they're all Mexicans and they are all fruit.

28:40Well, most of the fruits and an ice cream.

28:42They're playing Mexicany music because they're Mexicans.

28:46And the name of the group is the Fruity Mexicans.

28:50The strawberry is playing the maracas.

28:53The supermarket is open seven days a week, like the TV show.

28:57What could be better than that?

28:59And this is my picture.

29:03So sweet.

29:05You definitely win right there.

29:07A supermarket in Delaware in the US has started putting on music gigs inside the supermarket

29:11to attract shoppers and apparently is working since introducing the scam.

29:14Customer numbers have nearly doubled.

29:16Wow.

29:17It's a good idea.

29:17Actually, I saw Dave Dobbin performing at our supermarket once,

29:21except he was outside and asking for money.

29:25I said, you're good.

29:26You should form a band with some other dudes.

29:28And, yeah.

29:30The rest is history.

29:32I mean, to be fair, the pack and save at Mount Albert already feels like a mosh pit.

29:36You know, like, get out of my way!

29:38Bring out the rotisserie chickens!

29:41I think that's a bad idea.

29:42I wouldn't ever want to do a gig where there's throwable fruit within arm's reach.

29:46Yeah.

29:48I can imagine the music isn't talking about it, though, like, going, yeah, yeah, I've got

29:53a couple of four squares coming up this week.

29:56A little bit nervous.

29:57Apparently, the agent from Fresh Choice is going to be there.

30:02Who books that?

30:05I'm just stoked because I don't currently hear enough 660 at the supermarket.

30:11I'm trusting Woolworths, there'll be, like, one ethnic member of the band and they're like,

30:15you have to play in the international aisle.

30:20Why is there, like, international tortillas and then, like, normal tortillas?

30:27They're just both tortillas, though.

30:30Just put them in the tortilla aisle.

30:32All food's international, if you're looking about it.

30:34I would be into it, though, like, a little loungy kind of Burt Bacharach.

30:39Yes.

30:40Bossa Nova trio in the corner.

30:42Why don't you buy a little yams?

30:46And then put it in your trolley.

30:49And then you buy another yams.

30:53And then you got two yams.

30:56Cha-cha-cha.

30:57Great.

30:58I go to Countdown a lot.

31:00I've never seen two employees there.

31:06Excuse me, where's the grain of cheese?

31:11Apparently they wanted to get Kurt Cobain, but he used the self-checkout back in 19...

31:15LAUGHTER

31:18Wow.

31:21You could use holograms, couldn't you, for getting your favourite dip?

31:25You could have, you know, Tupac and Save.

31:28LAUGHTER

31:32N-W-A, but the N-W stands for New World.

31:35LAUGHTER

31:36Oh, I love a new world with an attitude.

31:39LAUGHTER

31:41All right, back to Matapau Primary.

31:43Team two, it is your turn.

31:45Tell me what this kid has drawn, please.

31:47My name is Ayla.

31:48I go to Matipo School, and this is my picture.

31:51Whoa.

31:53It's a triptych.

31:54It is a triptych.

31:55So we're working in three things here.

31:58Common element, sun and the hot air balloon.

32:00The middle ones are zooming.

32:02Oh, my God.

32:04There are people who've fallen out of the hot air balloon.

32:07Yes.

32:07Oh, my God.

32:09Oh, my God.

32:09Oh, my God, yeah.

32:10I hope this isn't just a horrific air balloon accident that we're covering.

32:14Also, I've just realised, you may not see it, but it says lick, lick, lick, lick, lick on the side

32:19here.

32:20Which is interesting.

32:21Oh, yeah.

32:21Interesting detail.

32:22The thing you usually hear after people plummet from a...

32:26LAUGHTER

32:27..and hit the ground and everyone's, ooh, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick.

32:31LAUGHTER

32:31Get a good lickin' in before those ammos arrive.

32:36LAUGHTER

32:37LAUGHTER

32:39OK, so, anyway, back, we've established it's not that.

32:43So, what's she carrying?

32:45It looks like kettlebells or something?

32:47In that first one, carrying it in the second one.

32:49Yellow and red car.

32:50And is that, like, a key and a missile on top of...

32:55What's going on?

32:57OK, Jeremy, our wonderful artist has successfully drawn every news story from the...

33:03LAUGHTER

33:05..and put it in this beautiful trip pitch.

33:07Yeah.

33:08It's pretty confusing.

33:09Isla, can you tell us, please, what you've drawn?

33:11My picture is about people making butter while running.

33:15In scene one, a girl with bags of cream and salt strapped to her arms.

33:20She's running through the dog park and there are dogs and rabbits looking at her

33:24because they like the smell of the cream and salt.

33:26In the second scene, the girl's running on the road.

33:29As you can see, the dogs and rabbits have kicked the two guys out of the hot air balloons.

33:34Now they're falling and screaming,

33:37When she got home, after all that effort, she couldn't find the butter

33:41because all the animals found a way to steal it and now they're licking it.

33:46If I was going to make butter, I would steer clear of all dog parks.

33:51And this is my picture.

33:56I have to be honest, Isla, more questions than answers.

34:03Burn and churn is the theme.

34:05Burn and churn, a new trend where runners make butter

34:07by strapping heavy cream with a dash of salt onto their bodies while they run.

34:11And apparently it actually works, yeah.

34:13Finally, though, I can come home from a long run covered in butter

34:15and have an excuse.

34:17So this is good for me.

34:19In terms of creating dairy products while on a run,

34:22I'll draw the line at milk and butter,

34:24but as soon as you're making human cheese while running,

34:26I want no part of it.

34:28At least burn and churn is accurate.

34:31Like clean and jerk, for instance.

34:34You know?

34:35It's a great example of why I do not have a Les Mills membership.

34:40What happened to good old butter churning?

34:43Yeah.

34:43Like that, you know, you're getting a forearm workout,

34:46it's teaching your life skills.

34:48Hey, have you found those,

34:49have you seen those Tibetan, like, yak butterers,

34:52the ones that do the big turn, the big one?

34:55No.

34:56Mate, you get on that algorithm,

34:58you're never coming back.

35:02I'm actually on a very similar algorithm.

35:07Thanks to our incredible artists, Nadia and Ayla,

35:09and to Matapur Primary for having us.

35:11Give them a round of applause.

35:15For points, you can have 16, Team 1.

35:17That's the age of footballer Max Dowman,

35:19youngest ever scorer in the English Premier League.

35:22He netted one in Arsenal's two-zip win over Everton.

35:25Team 2, you can have 213.

35:26Record number of tries scored by...

35:29Alex Johnston, yes, guy.

35:31It's just the whole aggression.

35:34I know, it was quite aggressive, yeah.

35:35But, yeah, Alex Johnston,

35:36his record led to absolute pandemonium.

35:39The crowd stormed the field,

35:40but that does mean that Team 2 gets a start.

35:42Well done.

35:43Yes.

35:45All righty, I'm hankering to watch some high-quality ads.

35:48You have a high-quality break.

35:49We'll be back soon with Jeremy's special game on 7 Days.

36:01Welcome back, you fine purveyors of fine television.

36:04Perfect timing for a spin of the world's favourite game,

36:07Jeremy's special game.

36:09Tonight we're playing Charade the News,

36:11already one of my favourites.

36:12I'll give one person from each team a list of things

36:14inspired by a news story they must act out

36:16for their teammates to guess.

36:18You'll get it.

36:19All right, this week, the Welsh rugby team

36:20won their first game in 1,491 days.

36:24Yeah, a mammoth achievement from a country

36:26who stole their name from an animal.

36:28All right, Barney, you'll be acting for Team 1

36:30and your category is places that are also things,

36:33like Wales and Wales.

36:35You've got your cards, Rhys and Brinley.

36:37You'll be guessing your time.

36:38Are you ready, Barney?

36:39Uh-huh.

36:40OK, starts now.

36:41Go.

36:44Bat.

36:44Cape.

36:45Oh, turkey.

36:46Turkey.

36:47Turkey, good.

36:49Cold.

36:50Chili, good.

36:51Oh, wow.

36:54Intestines.

36:55Disembowelling.

36:56Disembowelling.

36:57Kill yourself.

36:58Blood.

36:59Dying.

37:00Zombie.

37:01Oh, God.

37:06Guts.

37:07Liver failure.

37:08What?

37:08It's New Zealand, I'll give you a clue.

37:10New Zealand.

37:10Oh, Hamilton.

37:14Moving on.

37:15OK, next one.

37:18Soap, bath.

37:19Yeah, well done.

37:22Perfume.

37:23Cologne.

37:24Yes.

37:24Oh, wow.

37:27Experiment.

37:28Which?

37:29Potion.

37:29Brew.

37:29Cauldron.

37:31Coffee.

37:32Java.

37:34Oh, little boy drinks coffee.

37:36Oh, juice.

37:36Milk.

37:37Oh, crazy.

37:38Oh, it goes crazy.

37:38Sugar rush.

37:39Energy drink.

37:40Uh, uh, uh, sugar.

37:42Hyper.

37:42Um, what's he, what's he putting in there?

37:45Raro.

37:53Raro again?

37:54Tea.

37:55Oh, it's hot.

37:55English breakfast tea.

37:57Oh, salon.

37:58Um.

37:58Oh, porcelain.

37:59Um.

38:00China.

38:00China's right.

38:02And that is time.

38:04Well done.

38:05Almost a buzzer beater there.

38:08Well done, team one.

38:10Oh.

38:12Really good, Barney.

38:13Really good.

38:14You got a wonderful six points.

38:15Great work, Barney.

38:16Very good acting.

38:17All right.

38:18Uh, it is over to you, team two.

38:19God damn.

38:20Di, you're up for team two.

38:22There are your cards.

38:24Uh, the 98th Academy Awards, uh, took place in Los Angeles this week.

38:27Your category is the Oscars.

38:29So the Oscars.

38:30Is that what you're looking for, team?

38:31Well, Barney, that was controlled, economical amount of movement.

38:35You nailed it.

38:36I'm going to go for a more, sort of, power cable flailing on a wet pavement type.

38:42In short, confusing.

38:44All right, Di, your time starts now.

38:47Oscars.

38:48Film.

38:48Uh, free willy.

38:49Um, oh, whale rider.

38:51No, singing Titanic.

38:52Yes.

38:54Running, running, running.

38:55Oh, marathon.

38:57Pills.

38:57I'm running, running, running.

38:58Limitless.

38:59I'm running because I'm on pills.

39:00Chariots of fire.

39:02To, uh, fishing and it fell over and he's running more.

39:07Because he's, um.

39:09Oh my God, too many.

39:10Scarsgum.

39:10Yeah.

39:12Chocolate.

39:13Huge breasts and a slimmy little waist.

39:16And I'm a model and you better watch out.

39:18Priscilla Green in the Desert.

39:18Because I've got a dog and I'm driving like a legally blonde.

39:21Driving Miss Daisy.

39:22And get out, get the keys out and having a barbecue.

39:26Um, barbeque.

39:27Taxi driver.

39:31Barbeque.

39:32Torn.

39:32Barbeque boobs.

39:34Barbeque.

39:35Barbie.

39:36Barbie.

39:36Oh.

39:39Um.

39:40Yeehaw.

39:43Right on, cowboy.

39:44The, the ugly.

39:46The star brown.

39:48Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.

39:50Yes, yes.

39:51Brokeback Mountain.

39:51Oh.

39:55Oh.

39:56Yeah, well done.

39:57Woo.

39:59Wow, a box.

40:01Um, and that's up there.

40:03Oh, um.

40:05E-T.

40:06E-T's correct, yes.

40:07Oh, time.

40:09Oh.

40:13Oh.

40:15Wow.

40:16You wouldn't believe it.

40:17It is a tie.

40:18Oh, wow.

40:20Oh, wow.

40:20What a pointless game.

40:22I've got one more burger fuel brain grill for you at home this time.

40:25Uh, have a, have a look at this.

40:27Here it is here.

40:27Here's your one.

40:28Uh, you can get a longer look at it up on our socials where you can enter your own caption

40:31to win some burger fuel of your own.

40:33Alright, let's have one more break and when we come back we'll play captions and find out

40:37who's won my wonderful 450 candle cake.

40:40You'd be crazy to miss it.

40:41See you soon.

40:53Oh, welcome back for the last time this episode.

40:55Uh, now we're gonna find the winner with a couple of photos these guys need to caption.

40:59It's a game called Caption That.

41:00Team One, you're up first.

41:01What is the caption for this picture from the last seven days?

41:04Wow.

41:05Uh, apartment for rent.

41:07Newly added third bedroom.

41:10Americans are running low on missiles.

41:14Uh, bus driver regrets trying to work from home.

41:21You know, they always told me the Venga bus would come.

41:26But I didn't believe them.

41:28Until it was too late.

41:30This is what happens when you don't say thank you driver.

41:35The driver on the bus says close your eyes and call your parents.

41:42Oh, this is the first draft of 9-11.

41:45Oh!

41:48Oh, yeah.

41:50I reckon, hey, like, I love what you're planning, but buses can't fly.

41:55There ain't something else that could fly, but they're all busy transporting oil.

42:01Hey, great example.

42:02If we were transporting all oil by air, there'd be no spare planes to fly in

42:06and we would've saved travel.

42:07So, hey, laugh about it, mate.

42:14You won't be surprised to hear that's an art installation of a bus

42:17crashing through an eight-floor wall.

42:19It's based on the lyrics of a popular Dao Lang song in Chongqing,

42:22and that's in China.

42:23Well done.

42:24Alright, team two, your turn now.

42:25Caption this.

42:27In world's first, car flattened by cat.

42:36So, I've attached an AI rendering for my insurance claim of what happened to my car.

42:44Don't worry, Timmy.

42:45Mr Ruffles has gone to the big Wilson car park in the sky.

42:52A cat always lands on its Fiat.

43:00Exactly, that better not be my purr-r-r-show.

43:05The caption, I was looking for a cat walks amongst tiny cars at a zoo

43:09in the park of miniatures in a town I can't pronounce in Crimea.

43:12Another one for you, team two. Caption this for me, please.

43:26Is this photographer says, can you turn the mirror around

43:30so we don't have to see the side with the hole in it?

43:36Or is this world's smallest man has pickles for lunch?

43:39Is it, um...

43:43Tall Mero, Tall Mero, I love ya.

43:48Tall Mero, you're only a day away.

43:54Everyone, here we go!

43:57Tall Mero, Tall Mero, I love ya.

44:02Tall Mero, you're only a day away.

44:10Give yourselves a round of applause then.

44:14Everybody!

44:15That is a man competing in the giant vegetable competition

44:18at Harrogate Autumn Flower Show in England.

44:21Great round of picture words.

44:22Time to announce tonight's winning team.

44:24Let's go to the star chart and add them up.

44:26Look at that, congratulations.

44:27Team!

44:29Two!

44:34Enjoy that cake.

44:35450 of cake made from butter I've earned and churned myself.

44:38Congratulations.

44:39Thank you so much for watching.

44:41We appreciate you.

44:42And we appreciate our comedians.

44:43Please join me in thanking Reece, Barney, Brinley, Dyer, Angela and Chris.

44:47We'll see you in seven days.

44:48On seven days, goodnight.

44:49Woo!

44:55Thanks, Yuzi Ondanae.

44:56And if you don't have diabetes yet, you will.

45:01All right.

45:02No, no, no.

45:04You know who's nice?

45:05What will great man today!

45:05About 1!

45:06You are missing him!

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