Parenting Your Parents… The Role No One Prepares You For 😢 Part 1

Call Her Daddy

Parenting Your Parents… The Role No One Prepares You For 😢  Taking care of your parents is one of the most emotional and challenging roles in life. This video explores the reality of role reversal—when children become caregivers. From love and responsibility to stress and sacrifice, this journey is something millions in the USA are experiencing today.  If you’ve ever had to “parent your parents,” you’re not alone. ❤️  #ParentingYourParents #CaregiverLife #AgingParents #FamilyFirst #EmotionalStory #LifeReality #Adulting #RespectParents #LoveAndCare #RealLifeStories #USAStories #ViralVideo #HeartTouching #FamilyMatters #Caregiving #LifeLessons #EmotionalVideo #TrendingNow #SupportFamily #ModernLife  This week, Alex unpacks what it means to start parenting your own parents. From taking on travel plans, technology, and doctor’s appointments to navigating role reversal and anticipatory grief, she explores the emotional reality of watching your parents age. She opens up about the guilt, frustration, and growing responsibility that can come with this shift, and what it feels like to still need your parents as you become an adult. Finally, Alex dives into romanticizing your love life, and why it might actually be okay to write a letter to your ex-situationship. Enjoy!  Parenting Your Parents… The Role No One Prepares You For 😢  When You Become the Parent to Your Own Parents 💔 The Hardest Role Reversal: Caring for Aging Parents Growing Up Twice: First Yourself… Then Your Parents Nobody Talks About This: Parenting Your Parents From Child to Caregiver – A Real Story ❤️ When Mom & Dad Need You the Most… Are You Ready? The Emotional Truth About Aging Parents 😔    Call Her Daddy,Alex Cooper,Father Cooper,Daddy Gang,Call Her Daddy Podcast,relationships,dating,comedy,funny,Alexandra Cooper,call,her,daddy,chd,call her daddy pod,podcast,interviews,call,her,daddy,podcast,interview,unwell,unwell network  From red carpet moments to behind-the-scenes fun, we bring you daily entertainment with fast updates and trending Bollywood stories. If you’re a true Bollywood lover, this channel is made just for you ❤️🎥  👉 Subscribe now and stay Crazy 4 Bollywood!   #Crazy4Bollywood #BollywoodNews #BollywoodGossip #BollywoodUpdates #BollywoodShorts #BollyBuzz #HindiCinema #BollywoodFans  Bollywood news, Bollywood gossip, celebrity spotted, Bollywood shorts, Hindi cinema, Bollywood updates, movie news, Bollywood viral videos

Transcript

00:00Daddy gang, welcome back to another Sunday session. I feel like it's kind of been a while

00:06since we've been here and just chatted together. And so I'm really excited to have this space

00:14today because there is something that my friends and I've been talking about a lot lately that I

00:19wanted to just kind of like open up and share with you guys because I'm assuming it is applicable to

00:24all of your lives as well. So I had a few girlfriends over last week for a little wine night

00:31and one of

00:32my close friends had just gotten back from a week-long vacation with her family. So we were

00:38excited to hear her stories and have her just tell us all about it. But instead of, you know,

00:44coming back relaxed, beautiful, well-rested, excited to share the details, she was so absolutely

00:52exhausted. And as she started telling us about what happened and why she was emotionally drained

00:58from the trip, all of us just began like aggressively nodding along to her story being

01:04like, absolutely. Yep. We understand. We have been there. We understand. We've all gone through this.

01:10So basically my friend on this vacation had gone through her first experience of having to be

01:18the parent to her own parents. And listen, back when you were a kid traveling with your parents,

01:28obviously your brain could probably just go on to autopilot, right? Like maybe your dad had the

01:33boarding passes. Your mom had all of the snacks planned. It was just you and your Harry Potter book

01:40against the world. And you didn't have to worry about a goddamn thing. You could literally go through

01:46the airport blindfolded and like you wouldn't, you would get there. You would get there. You don't

01:50even know how you got there, but you got there because your parents led you there. But now maybe

01:54you get to the airport and your dad can't understand how the self-service baggage tagging

02:00ticket situation works, right? So then you end up taking over. It's all right, dad, I got this one.

02:05And then your mom can't figure out how to download the airplane app on her phone. So you're like,

02:09no, no, no, I got it. Don't worry, mom. Like we got it. And then maybe you land, right? You're

02:13in a new

02:13city and the process of finding the Uber pickup location is basically impossible for them. So

02:18then you're like, don't worry, guys, I will lead you to the promised land. I got this.

02:22And then from there, figuring out the hotel logistics or the car rental or the dinner

02:26reservations or the trip itinerary, like it basically just starts to fall all on you because

02:32you're just quicker and more capable than your parents. So now you're on this vacation looking

02:39around of like, what is going on? And maybe you're starting to think to yourself,

02:44how the fuck did my parents ever do all of this on their own? Like not only that, how did

02:50they do this

02:50all when they also had young children to navigate? Like, how am I alive? How am I breathing to this

02:58day? And I don't want to sound dramatic, but like I get like technology at the airport and on trips.

03:04I understand it has changed a lot and it can be super confusing and overwhelming for anyone.

03:10But my friends and I came to the conclusion that it's not really about that because like at some

03:17point there was a different form of technology at the airport that they also had to figure out,

03:21right? Like it's about the fact that now in certain settings, our parents,

03:28they just fully rely on us and it's not the other way around anymore.

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05:05Look, when we're kids, our parents exist in this larger than life role in our lives, right?

05:12They're the people who just like know how to fix everything. They know where we're supposed to be

05:19and when we're supposed to be there. And they calm us down when we're upset and they make our big

05:25wins

05:26and our big moments feel really special. And they're just like essentially the ones holding up the entire

05:32structure of our lives, right? They keep everything together. And because of that,

05:39and because that dynamic is so like just natural and almost unspoken, I guess, growing up, I don't think

05:47we ever stop to consider the fact that our parents are not actually these static,

05:55ever solid figures. Like it's a crazy concept. I know guys, but like our parents are human beings.

06:02They are changing, evolving, aging, learning new things, or struggling through other things,

06:10right? Like all while we are focusing on our own growth. And I think like this concept,

06:19when I say that it can be slightly uncomfortable, at least for me to think about my parents as being

06:24these like deeply complex people and like constantly moving forward in their own lives. Cause in my head,

06:30like, I'm like, no, no, no. They're just mom and dad. Like they've just been mom and dad. And it's

06:34like, no, like they are, they were, they were babies at one point. They were children at one point. They

06:41got fucked up from their parents at some point too. They went to whether it was high school or college

06:45and fell in love multiple times. Like they've lived the same similar lives or different lives than us,

06:50but they've done all the feelings and things that we've done. And I think it's hard to engage with the

06:56thoughts of like, Oh my God, my parents inevitably are not just my parents. They're also individuals

07:04who aren't going to be here forever. They may not be here one day. And so as my friend was

07:11talking,

07:12um, I actually could just totally to relate to like what she was going through with her parents,

07:17because I had actually really struggled through a very similar situation with my own. This happened

07:24a couple of years back. And I think I kind of podcasted about this a little bit at one point,

07:28but over Christmas, I was like really looking forward to the time off with my family and getting

07:33a break from life. And I was also just very used to the holidays, just being handled by my parents,

07:39which was something I appreciated more and more as my adult life got busier. Right. I would,

07:45whether it was, I come, come home from college or whether I came back from the city, like I would

07:48just go home and they'd have the tree decorated. They'd have all of my childhood things in the room.

07:53I'm like, Oh my God, they kept everything. The meals are prepared. They have the gifts wrapped.

07:57Like it was all just ready. And so my siblings and I could just pop in and enjoy the holidays.

08:03And it was like a prerequisite. Like, you're like, of course my parents will have all this ready.

08:07But that year we decided we weren't going to go home to Pennsylvania for Christmas.

08:11And somehow that turned into all of the holiday planning, like kind of falling on me.

08:19And now also in hindsight, again, like, did it fall on me or did I put it on myself?

08:22Because I felt like they weren't like in the same headspace anymore to put it together.

08:27I don't know. But I was the one finding us a house, finding our flights, booking our cars,

08:31planning the meals, doing the grocery shopping, making a schedule.

08:34And while I was capable, of course, of handling it, I was also extremely overwhelmed.

08:40And I felt like not once during that holiday was I ever able to fully relax or enjoy the time

08:45with my parents the way that I used to. And it really ended up getting to me.

08:50And I started thinking back to how when I was a kid, I maybe took for granted the way that

08:56my parents

08:56had just had everything handled. And yeah, I guess that's what parents are supposed to do.

09:01But like whether it was from soccer practice to homework, to school lunches, to scheduling,

09:05I always had this layer of stability beneath me where I didn't have to think about everything

09:14all at once because there was someone who loved me that was just taking care of it.

09:19And that is I would just also want to acknowledge, like, of course, that is not the case for everyone.

09:24So I do want to just super quick, like, disclaimer here that I can only speak obviously from my

09:31relationship with my parents and what I was able to experience growing up. I'm so fortunate that I

09:38had the experience I did. If you grew up with an unstable family dynamic or abuse or trauma,

09:43a lot of what I'm unpacking today may not relate to you in the same way, which I completely understand.

09:49Um, but I do want to use today to talk about how foundationally destabilizing it can be to realize

09:57that your parents now need you more than you need them is basically what I'm trying to say. Like,

10:02what the fuck? For me confronting that over, I remember that Christmas holiday specifically,

10:07it felt like I was going through this massive identity shift because I, I wanted my parents to

10:13still be my parents. And I also knew I was probably the more capable one. And I didn't know how

10:17I felt

10:18about it and I didn't feel like I could talk to them about it. So then I just started handling

10:21things and then I was like kind of resentful, but then I was also like, they've done this my whole

10:26life. Like I should step up. Right. And I just remember on that trip, I became really hyper fixated

10:31on the way everything was changing. Like change was so uncomfortable, right? Like you're just like,

10:37what is happening? Your reality, all of a sudden, it just feels like it completely shifts. And all these

10:43little moments were making me extremely emotional, which is why I then like booked a therapy appointment

10:49immediately upon returning home because I was like, I need to tell my therapist, like something is

10:54changing and I need help. But it was one of the most existential therapy sessions I think I've had

10:58for like a really long time because for better or for worse, my therapist told me that I was not

11:04catastrophizing any of this. She was like, from birth to death, our lives as humans revolve around

11:09dependence, independence and interdependence. When we're born, we're completely dependent on our

11:15parents for regulation, safety and structure. Their job is essentially to just help us grow

11:20into independence while still maintaining our familial connection. Right. So if we have a secure

11:27attachment to our parents, then we naturally internalize the feeling that something solid exists

11:33above us. And that solidity becomes just like a part of your nervous system. You don't even

11:39question it. It's just been there since a very young age. Right. And so then when aging begins

11:45to slowly chip away at this stability, it's actually an indication that a foundational shift

11:51is happening. The relationship is now interdependent on a much deeper level. I was like, okay,

12:00therapist, let me write this down because hold on, say that one more time. I'm going to really need to,

12:05I'm going to also need to tell this to the daddy gang. So I pulled my notes back up for

12:09this episode

12:10and I was like, what did she say to me again? But for me, that meant that I was now

12:15becoming the top

12:16layer of reliability in our family structure. And I was like, wait, I don't know if I want this yet.

12:22I don't know if I'm ready for this. Like, how did this happen? And so if you think about it,

12:27that shift might be, it may be great in some ways. Right. Like I think there is something great

12:34about stepping into a larger role in your family. It means that you are now fully capable of taking

12:40care of things. It means that my parents successfully did their job. Right. I am now able to provide and

12:48protect and do all the things, but it also means a lot more responsibility was coming my way that I

12:54don't think anyone really warns you about. There's not this like literal pass of the torch. It's like,

13:01all right, sweet. Like that doesn't happen. It's just like this unsaid thing that just slowly shifts.

13:08And so you think about it and you're like, okay, you now need to be the one to make sure

13:13that they're

13:14going to their doctor appointments. And maybe it's not today, but like it's coming where like,

13:19you're going to be the one that has to be on top of their healthcare. You need to be the

13:23one to

13:23fully set up the wifi or their phones or their TVs or their iPads or like whatever devices it is

13:28that they're overwhelmed by. Right. You need to call them to check in on them because all of their

13:34friends, you know, maybe they moved to Florida. And so then they haven't had any human interaction

13:38in like three days. And you're like, you guys good. Like I know some people watching, maybe

13:42you only have one parent. Right. And that person you're like constantly worried about, worried about,

13:48worried about. And you, and you probably sit with yourself and you're like,

13:51when did I start to be so worried about this person? Because when did the roles shift?

13:55They always were just worried about me. And I was frolicking along and I was like,

13:59you know, drinking at some club and waking up in a random man's fucking basement in Brooklyn being

14:05like, Hey, and my mom was probably so worried. And I wasn't even thinking about my mom at that

14:09point. Right. I was just hoping I had an orgasm. Like you're not even thinking about your parents.

14:14And then all of a sudden one day you're more stressed about their safety,

14:17their wellbeing, their health. And you're like, when did I know even that my parents went to the

14:22doctor? Like, I didn't know my parents went to the doctor. Like, I hate this. To realize that there

14:28are like no longer built in structures for your life. There are only the structures that you choose

14:34to invest in moving forward. That so much of that stability when you were younger and that comfort and

14:40that like, it also just can exist. Your parents can't protect you in that way anymore. Right. Like

14:44they can't walk you into your job every day and make sure that everyone's being nice to you. Like

14:49when you were young and in kindergarten, they're like, let's have a after school conference with

14:53the parents and come together. Cause your kid was bullying mine. They don't do that anymore. It's on

14:57you now. And again, that is the whole point of life that they got you to the point where you

15:02can then

15:02advocate for yourself, but it's fucking sucks. Cause I still want my mom to make my doctor's

15:06appointments. Like I know that I want to be independent and I don't want to want my mommy or my

15:12daddy, but also I want them. You know, it's just, it's a little fucking mind fuck. And I remember

15:19according to my therapist, this is very common for people in their early thirties to mid forties to be

15:26facing. As we just like reach a state of full independence, our parents begin to exit their state

15:33of full independence. It's like, it's basically like two escalators moving in complete opposite

15:39directions. You're like, bye mom and dad. And they're like, bye sweetie. And you're like, okay,

15:43we're basically swapping positions. And so as aging begins to impact our parents' physical health and

15:50their energy and their cognition, like they step onto the escalator moving downward. Oh my God,

15:56that like is making me almost sad and want to cry. And then, cause like, it's so fucking sad that

16:01like, that's the whole thing of life. And now they're getting older. And I think this often happens

16:06right when you are in one of the busiest, most generative phases of your own life, right?

16:13You're building a career, you're managing relationships, maybe you're raising kids,

16:17which obviously makes, I think the emotional collision just so much harder when you're like

16:23on this high and then your parents are shifting so much and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait,

16:29stop. What are you doing? Why? Wait, no, I don't, I don't like this. And I think

16:36sometimes this change can be incredibly pronounced, right? Like maybe a sudden accident or a life

16:42shift happens and it alters your family's circumstances. But I think more often, like

16:47there really is no clear moment when the dynamic formally changes from what I was talking about

16:53with my friends. Like none of us had that big, like this happened. So then this happened. It was

16:58just kind of like, when did this happen? Like, I can't really pinpoint it. Like you're just slowly

17:03realizing that you're existing in a different place in your family than you used to be. And

17:07your nervous system is trying to reconcile what the actual F is happening. So for me, when I was

17:15navigating this, and I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, but I think my nervous system processed

17:20these just changes with like feelings of intense frustration. I found myself more frustrated and

17:33annoyed than ever with my parents as I saw them aging. And I know this was coming from my inner

17:39child, just wanting to be that little kid again and wanting things to go back to the way that they

17:43used to be. But instead of sitting with that sadness, ultimately, and allowing it to just cycle

17:51through, I just got irrationally irritated. And I know that probably sounds terrible because it's

17:58like not their fault. But I think it was like when I was having a super hard day at work

18:04and I'm like

18:05juggling my job and my relationship and my friendships and all the stress in my life, it would piss me

18:10off

18:11if my dad was calling me, like asking me for help on something that like he used to be able

18:15to like

18:16maybe figure out on his own. And it just felt unnatural. And meanwhile, now I look back and I'm like,

18:20oh my God, like, no, that's actually so beautiful that my dad has helped me get to every place I

18:28have gotten in life. And the fact that he's, I, he's never had to ask me for anything. Like my

18:34dad,

18:35when I'm growing up, like he never asked me like, can you help me? Like, I don't like never. And

18:42so the

18:42fact that he is now able to ask me for help because I am a capable human being, that should

18:47be something

18:48that I can look at as a positive, but it was just too scary to me. So I was like,

18:52this is annoying.

18:53And it's like, it's not annoying. It's like a beautiful progression of me being an independent

18:59individual that now can actually support my father. And I used to not be able to do that and how

19:04great

19:04that I can now. But at the time I was like, dad, can't you just Google it? And it's like,

19:09no,

19:10be there for him. And I think it's also just because like, I felt like there was already so much

19:14on my

19:14plate and I just wanted to be their kid. That's where I was still in my head. Like, I just

19:18want to

19:18be your kid again. And I, I, that's what I want, but that's just not the case. Right. And so

19:25I

19:25remember this was like two years ago, I would be like snippy and I would take it out on my

19:28dad or

19:29my mom because all the things in my life stress me out. And what I really wasn't getting underneath

19:32is like, it's not that he's calling me and asking me for help. It was freaking me out that he

19:38was

19:38calling me and asking me for help because that had never happened before. And I also, by the way,

19:44would then like immediately, like this is this guilt then started to like really get underneath

19:50me. And that was like a huge therapy session I had with my therapist where I was like, I don't

19:53like

19:53this. I'm feeling guilty. Why am I speaking to my parents this way? Like they gave up their whole

19:58lives for me, dedicated 31 years of raising me. And I can't take five minutes to explain something like

20:07what the fuck is wrong with me. And it's this whiplash from guilt to frustration to sadness and

20:13where it led for me was just, then I remember going into like pure avoidance. I didn't want to deal

20:19with

20:19it. I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted my parents to stay constant and I wanted them

20:24to stay

20:24the same. And again, that is not reality. And that is why I went to therapy. And my therapist is

20:30like,

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23:22local Ashley store or head to ashley.com to find your style. I remember my therapist was like,

23:29all of this whiplash and frustration stems from something that she, I remember she called it

23:35anticipatory grief, which I was like, I don't like that. I don't like that. Well, what's that?

23:40I don't like that at all. It's basically grieving someone before they're even gone simply because

23:46there is so much internal stress and anxiety around losing them that is just taking up your mental

23:52load, which I was like, okay, that's enough for this session. I was like, and time. And she's like,

24:00we're only 15 minutes in. I was like, okay, I'm fucked. Like, I think that anxiety, that's really what

24:07was coming up for me constantly. And I can't speak for any of you going through this. But when I

24:11reflect

24:11like on this big kind of inflection point I went through two years ago, we would be sitting around

24:17at a normal dinner and I would suddenly get this deep guttural sadness realizing that this version

24:24of my parents was finite. And one day they wouldn't be here at dinner with me. And it's these small

24:32moments that your brain can take and then just spiral into like, what's going to happen when

24:37they're gone? Like, is this the last time that we're ever going to?

25:11like, would you say? Unless you're lucky. So like, what's going to happen to the next

25:13day as you're going to be talking to me now? And when I think that it's a lot more

25:14the ball shove up the lame pit. And boom, two other ones at the bottom riding им.

25:15Oh.

25:44You

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