Elizabeth Banks- How Do I Know If He’s My Soulmate. (Full Episode)

Call Her Daddy

Elizabeth Banks- How Do I Know If He’s My Soulmate. (Full Episode)  Elizabeth Banks joins Call Her Daddy to share some wine, wisdom and laughs. She reminisces on meeting her husband on the very first night of college and how she knew he was the one - even though they were only eighteen. Elizabeth and Alex discuss and normalize not always knowing exactly what you want in life -- and give advice to those feeling confused after graduating college. Elizabeth opens up about her path to motherhood and the decision to use a surrogate. She talks about the feelings of shame and grief she experienced after discovering she could not get pregnant. The duo break down other topics, including women having autonomy over their bodies, power imbalances in the workplace and the privilege of using your voice for change.  ll her daddy, chd, daddy gang, call her daddy podcast, alex cooper, call, her, daddy, interview, podcast, unwell podcast, unwell, unwell network, alex, cooper   The most-listened to podcast by women, Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy has been creating conversation since 2018. From deep, honest discussions to laugh-out-loud moments, Cooper cuts through the BS with exciting guests and bold topics. New episodes drop every Wednesday, with throwback episodes every Friday. Want more? Join the Daddy Gang @callherdaddy.  Call Her Daddy,Alex Cooper,Father Cooper,Daddy Gang,Call Her Daddy Podcast,relationships,dating,comedy,funny,Alexandra Cooper,call,her,daddy,chd,call her daddy pod,podcast,interviews,call,her,daddy,podcast,interview,unwell,unwell network  From red carpet moments to behind-the-scenes fun, we bring you daily entertainment with fast updates and trending Bollywood stories. If you’re a true Bollywood lover, this channel is made just for you ❤️🎥  👉 Subscribe now and stay Crazy 4 Bollywood!   #Crazy4Bollywood #BollywoodNews #BollywoodGossip #BollywoodUpdates #BollywoodShorts #BollyBuzz #HindiCinema #BollywoodFans  Bollywood news, Bollywood gossip, celebrity spotted, Bollywood shorts, Hindi cinema, Bollywood updates, movie news, Bollywood viral videos

Transcript

00:00:00Elizabeth Banks welcome to color daddy thank you you are an actress writer producer director you've

00:00:09started movies such as the hunger games 40 year old virgin one of my personal favorites pitch

00:00:14perfect another one of my personal favorites and many more and you're in the wine business

00:00:19your team reached out and was like are you down to drink and I was like am I down to drink give

00:00:26me an excuse to drink during the day on a Wednesday I'm game I'm ready so we have your wine here yes

00:00:33I it's called Archer Rus what are you starting with I started with the Saint Blanc okay so and

00:00:38then I think we have this is the Malbec yeah yeah so I like the Malbec chilled it's amazing

00:00:43would you consider yourself a sommelier no in fact one of the reasons I liked that this Archer Rus

00:00:49was canned wine was that I kind of feel a little wine shamed you know what I mean I'm a grown

00:00:56ass woman but like I don't know I don't why I can't learn everything about wine it's just not

00:01:01my thing right but I also know what I like and okay this is I mean I love a sommelier who's like

00:01:08very cool and chill and telling me what's good and like I love that vibe but I really when I go to

00:01:15shop for wine I'm like I don't know see this is what I didn't know first of all cheers cheers let's

00:01:20have a taste L'Haim oh it's good it's yummy I forget there's something about drinking wine in

00:01:29a can that's like bringing me back to life you're on the beach I'm on the in your mind I'm already on

00:01:35the beach I'm like in Italy yes yes I'm in Marbella Spain my feet are in the sand growing up before you

00:01:43were like of age at 21 what what was your parents relationship to allowing or not allowing you to drink

00:01:49uh I my high school graduation my dad like bought a you know a couple cases of beer he was like you

00:01:56can't when you're 18 like you can't this is weird but he was like in the navy at 18 you know what I

00:02:01mean okay so they were pretty chill they were pretty chill yeah I was a bit of a goody two-shoes in high

00:02:07school so I was somewhat weirdly responsible well I feel like because we're gonna get that because I know

00:02:13you went to an ivy league school so I was wondering like did you spend all of your high school time like

00:02:20preparing to try to get to college or did it like come naturally for you I loved school I was I'm a I

00:02:26love learning and um so school was not like overly stressful for me to me it was about getting out of

00:02:32my small town and I super grateful for where I grew up I love Pittsfield Mass shout out western

00:02:38Massachusetts but I had city blood from birth and I just knew I was meant to go live in a city

00:02:44somewhere somehow I was not meant to like party with kegs in the woods while it was raining on me

00:02:49you know off of George's farm road or whatever so to me the whole situation in high school

00:02:56was about getting like what's the best school I can get into how can I get out of here how can I make

00:03:03real money in my life how can I you know that was I grew up working class and my parents wanted more

00:03:09for me and I wanted more for me totally I was ambitious I love I can relate to that because

00:03:14I'm from Pennsylvania yeah what was the most challenging aspect of adjusting to going to

00:03:19a school like UPenn it was passing frankly as somebody who like belonged there um they have programs

00:03:27now for this in college which they didn't have when I was there which is basically like

00:03:32socio-economically to be on scholarship and grants and all that which is how I went to Penn

00:03:39I worked the entire time I never went on spring break I never went anywhere I stayed at school

00:03:45and worked I did not go I worked all summers so that was the part of it that for me you you know I was

00:03:54there living and were and hanging out with and going to class with people who just never have to worry

00:03:59about that stuff you know they were not worried about a winter coat with a hole in it and I was

00:04:04like fuck my winter coat has a hole in it this is my coat let me sew this myself like you know like

00:04:12oh I had to miss shifts because I had to you know study I I literally was choosing between like

00:04:20a shift at work or studying for a test and it's like all right well I gotta maintain this grade point

00:04:25average so I can stay at this school and so okay now I've missed a shift so now we're not gonna we're

00:04:31gonna have bagels this week at every meal you know but when you look back like do you feel like that

00:04:37also propelled you to a different level for yourself I I don't you look it's just it was my experience yeah

00:04:43I really only try to speak for myself at this point you know I that was my experience I had to work

00:04:50a lot I'd missed out on a lot of things but of course it makes you a person who is respectful

00:04:58of the dignity of work yeah like like true you know I see I was a chambermaid in a bed and breakfast

00:05:07and like don't flush condoms down toilets assholes stop it

00:05:13such a good specific like PSA we don't need the condoms in the toilet don't that's not where they

00:05:20go they don't go down there that's not what you do right and it's people like me that have to clean

00:05:25that up so you know I I just have like that mentality now of of really uh appreciating work

00:05:34you know the the dignity of work and people just doing their job so they can like go home to their

00:05:39families like you know when did you realize you wanted to be an actress it was pretty late I it's

00:05:46just not something anybody where I'm from dreams about and I loved doing it it I it provided me a

00:05:53real sense of pride and self-worth and I felt good at I really liked entertaining people and I made people

00:06:00laugh early in my career and it just was very um addicting um that all being said I did not go to

00:06:10school to be an actor at all the path was like I couldn't move at 22 to New York and become an actor

00:06:19because I had no idea how to do that of course and so instead I just kept going to school because I knew

00:06:26how to do that you're like this I know this I can figure out and honestly it worked out really

00:06:33well for me I did my showcase and I got an agent and I got offers and I was like in a commercial

00:06:39like a month later and then that was that and I started paying off my student loans and here I am

00:06:45I love that story just because I feel like something I've been talking about recently is like a lot of

00:06:50people will write in being like I feel like I'm on campus and everyone knows like what they want to

00:06:56major in and what do they want to do for a living and I'm like I have no fucking idea like I am like

00:07:00just as lost as the person to so I think it's nice to sometimes hear people be like yeah I didn't like

00:07:06grow up and from like five was like I'm gonna be an actress like and it's totally fine if that's

00:07:11what you are like envisioning for yourself but it is nice to hear sometimes people who are so

00:07:15successful like you are to be like yeah no I didn't have it all figured out until like after college

00:07:20almost I started to like lean into like what do I want to do yeah which I appreciate you I mean

00:07:24you're a podcaster like one of the best how did you come to this I had literally no idea I wanted

00:07:30to podcast I wanted to do like when you're in college are you like this is gonna be my job

00:07:35you know what I mean are you kidding me I didn't even know podcasting was a thing right I would

00:07:39consider it like radio and I never wanted to be like a radio personality I if anything I wanted to

00:07:45produce and like direct tv or film yeah and then it just like came about I think sometimes it comes off

00:07:51like we've all got our shit together it's not the case it's really not and I think it's helpful

00:07:56I loved doing it I've always loved doing it but I did not consider it a realistic dream to have

00:08:03you know it just was I my mindset at the time was not big enough and now looking back and I tell people

00:08:10this all the time like dream bigger dream bigger dream bigger retreat like go like yeah you might not

00:08:16happen tomorrow but like put put a put something on the map of your life like farther out and like

00:08:23if you work towards it you can probably do it I completely agree or you're gonna get some version

00:08:28of it that yes you're gonna get a version of it that's exactly right you're you're at least gonna

00:08:32you don't have to know exactly what you want to do I I tell it's interesting I have a young

00:08:36my young sons and when you if you ask them right now um what do you want to be when you grow up

00:08:41they're like I'm 11 like I you know I don't they don't have a dream job right they have a dream life

00:08:48and I we talk about this a lot like what does that look like you know and my son will say because he's

00:08:54very wise I hope I'm doing a job that I enjoy and I go yeah that would be nice and I hope I have

00:09:01enough time to spend with my family yeah that would be good and um and I hope I stay connected to the

00:09:07friends I'm making right now and I'm like yeah I think that I think that's a really good recipe for

00:09:13a happy life I think your son is wiser than most of us I know that actually is so awesome no that's so

00:09:19cute because I feel like when you're that young sometimes we need to like listen to the youth

00:09:24because they're like so unscathed by the world yeah that's right this is what we should and we're

00:09:29like shit that is what we should be doing but I also I'm I'm trying to teach him not to dream about

00:09:35work and I think about that for me like in high school when you asked about that

00:09:39it it was the vision of my life was like I'm living in a city do you know what I mean like

00:09:44I make enough money that I don't worry about paying the bills that was the dream yes that was what I

00:09:49was talking thinking about you know that's what I was putting on the map I think that's such a good

00:09:54bit of advice it's like you don't have to have the exact thing in mind but have at least one thing

00:09:59that you know you want for yourself and be employable okay you can't make money if you

00:10:04don't create employability for yourself and the more specific you can be the more money you can

00:10:11make in life okay I mean I truly think these there's actually a simple formula to this yeah

00:10:17um so the more specialized you get right that's how you end up like actually like earning right but

00:10:24in the beginning just think about what makes me attractive to employers what may what brings

00:10:31the money to people and it's like broad mindset like I can do anything be confident you know

00:10:37think work work hard any job you're doing like when I was cleaning those toilets in the bed and

00:10:44breakfast you better believe they were spotless you know take pride in what you're doing no matter

00:10:48what it is learn that skill set early don't be like oh I gotta do this guess what you you're there

00:10:55you took the job you're cashing the check show up it's such good advice and I think it's like standing

00:11:02out is something I think like I always was like mom stop making me like put this on my resume or

00:11:07write this and she's like I promise you like and now that I would be hiring people I now see it I'm like

00:11:12people just write in these generic things and I'm like do something wild to stand out that's my piece of

00:11:18advice is like just send something that maybe you think is like even if it's a little ballsy you're

00:11:23gonna catch people's attention let's talk about a little bit of romance okay okay you met your husband

00:11:29yes the first night of college yes what do you remember about that night can you explain to us what

00:11:35happened the main thing I remember is that he was not that interested in me he would say otherwise but

00:11:43he was he he was pursuing me a little bit I was pursuing him for sure and um and he was also

00:11:51pursuing this really cute uh girl named Kate I can say girl because we were 18 at the time who was like

00:11:57a nursing student had a twin sister and they were super cute and she had like a sexy deep voice I

00:12:02remember Kate hi Kate if you're out there listening um anyway he I met so I went to school I knew one

00:12:10person from school I hope she's listening to and her brother her name was Penny Feldstein I met her in

00:12:16Massachusetts before I went to Penn which is in Philadelphia so I show up in Philadelphia on campus

00:12:21and she had said my brother goes to the school so when you get there call me because he'll like take

00:12:26us around whatever so I get there I call Penny uh and she's like my brother's fraternity is having a

00:12:33party tonight so I went to her room and we walked up to the frat house together I met her brother Mark

00:12:38Feldstein and um the second person I met was my he happened to be standing with my now husband yeah

00:12:44and the vibes were like chill but he wasn't like obsessed the vibes were chill neither one of us we

00:12:49were coy you know it was like September 6th I know exactly what it was but um September 6th it was like

00:12:56100 degrees still in Philly so everyone was like I was in like cut off jean shorts I mean we were all

00:13:03half naked and he was really cut he had a really great body and he was tan because it was the end

00:13:09of summer right everyone was looking great wow it was shiny happy people everywhere and it was like

00:13:16college I was like hell yes I'm here but it's such a good story and I'm sure it's like you're asked about

00:13:22it probably in every interview because like it is such like a a cute way to now be like 30 years

00:13:29later I'm still married to the same man but it's a very cute story how quickly did things like progress

00:13:34between the two of you your freshman year we got lucky you know I I'm not like a I believe in fate

00:13:40person particularly but I do think you know it's almost like when you if you're you see something

00:13:47you you're made aware of something and suddenly like you see it everywhere I was made aware of him

00:13:51and then I kind of felt like I saw him everywhere for the next few days so I met him we hung out for

00:13:58you know not that long that night I tried to give him my number he was like I don't have a phone which

00:14:02was true he just hadn't hooked up his phone yet but I was like if you don't have my number dude

00:14:06like you can just say so don't pretend you have like no ability to ever figure out how to call me

00:14:12like like you like there's there are phones in the world you might not have you can find a phone if

00:14:18you care so that was a fun laugh and he didn't call me because he didn't take he didn't have a phone

00:14:23he was like oh so he can't um and then the next night I saw him again with like a totally different

00:14:30group of people and then he started rushing a guy who lived on my floor because he was older than me

00:14:35and um so I happened to literally like walked in my hallway and he was standing there and so you

00:14:40know it was just like little things where I was like wait why do we keep seeing each other

00:14:43and we were had a great energy between us from jump we were very like attracted to each other

00:14:48and then he asked me out on a date and we went on like the greatest date of my life

00:14:55um you know we were underage and we went to a jazz club in philadelphia like I'm from I'm from like

00:15:03a little town we have like three bars like and they're all they're all like roadhouses basically

00:15:11um so going to a fancy jazz club this woman sang I remember she sang all the

00:15:16classics and sang you know what a wonderful world and like walked through the room with the microphone

00:15:22and sang at our table and I we drank beautiful old fashions out of beautiful crystal glasses

00:15:28and then he paid he said to the taxi driver he's like I just need two back and I was like oh my god

00:15:36he knows how to like tip he's so fancy I was blown away you're like okay I guess we can date now

00:15:44because you know how to work it it's gonna be great and then the rest is history and we're still here

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00:17:37having a relationship in college how what was like the best part of that and the worst part of that

00:17:44because there can be pros and cons to having it like immediately starting freshman year and through

00:17:48i mean the big pro is you don't need to muck around trying to figure out who the fuck

00:17:56what's what you're doing who cares about you what you oh my god i can't even imagine now with the

00:18:02texting and the ghosting and the oh my god it's not great it's not great oh it's not good the worst

00:18:08i had a great relationship in high school too so that really prepared me i had a great boyfriend

00:18:13and you know i went to college being like i'm here i wanted to get laid and like sell my oats and

00:18:20have fun that was really it and i happened to meet i turns out i'm a serial monogamist

00:18:25i didn't know i didn't realize high school to college i just honed in on one and that was it

00:18:32stayed together for 30 years and where was he from portland oregon okay so you guys graduate yeah i think

00:18:40there's so many people that write into me and are like i'm graduating college i have a partner right

00:18:44what the hell do we do we have to move to different states or should we stay together like what happened

00:18:48with that dynamic and how did you guys make it work i mean he made it work honestly he made really uh he

00:18:55made decisions that were about us staying together i mean we both did eventually do that but i you know

00:19:00he was not he left school not really knowing what he wanted to do with his life

00:19:05um again very common you know took some great jobs and had a lot of great opportunities but i was not

00:19:13living his passion yeah so like we both did things that were for us you know we didn't try to like

00:19:20merge our lives when we were 23 like that's crazy you don't need to do that but you do need to be honest

00:19:27i think about like are we doing this together or not and of course back then too i was crazy and

00:19:33emotional and like what is this and is this forever and not and whatever i questioned all

00:19:38that too i didn't really know i really liked being with him yeah and we were not we never broke up it's

00:19:44not like i was like i can't wait to date other people i was not really interested in that it was more

00:19:49about i want to do things for myself and am i bringing him along is he gonna come or what's

00:19:56happening and he the answer to that was like he came he said yes i'm gonna come see that's what i

00:20:01wanted to hear because i'm like okay there had to be a moment where one of you is like what are we

00:20:06doing because if you never broke up i was gonna say like was there ever a moment that you had a freak

00:20:11out of like is this the one am i gonna look back and regret it like okay i was we didn't have major

00:20:16freak outs but i think it was more about is our life gonna keep going together or is it going to die

00:20:25is it gonna you know are we gonna are we on the same path or are we gonna diverge and that that's a

00:20:31question that everyone has to figure out you know you can't you can't force those things to happen

00:20:35i wanted to be i wanted to follow my dreams and be my own person and make sure i always had my own

00:20:41sense of security i didn't need him to do things and i know he felt the same way he wanted to feel

00:20:46like he was his own man his own person all of those things like we even though we had this we have this

00:20:52identity now more than ever that we are totally together we needed to feel as young people that we had

00:20:57our individuality and that we were our own people before we could like join each join up with each

00:21:04other right i love that and that that was what we were that's the balance we were trying to do so we

00:21:10spend a lot of time apart from each other we still do yeah i'm a heart i'm a makes the heart grow

00:21:16fonder person like i don't mind being i i mean i mind being away it's not the greatest but it always

00:21:23makes me appreciate what i have at home and that has been true for our entire lives like i've always

00:21:30had to travel for work and he's always had to come visit or we've always come back together and the

00:21:35coming back together has always been awesome i think that's something that's very underrated is

00:21:39like using moments apart that actually make you way closer and stronger because you miss them and

00:21:45you want to be with them we end up being like on the phone for like three hours at night like

00:21:51where it's in high school again do you know what i mean like it's cute it's cute i that's what i was

00:21:56gonna ask you i'm like okay 30 years of marriage yeah how do you keep the passion alive how do you

00:22:04keep it interesting give us the secret you know it's funny because most people ask how do you stay

00:22:10together for that long like people are not actually interested in the like those questions yeah no i

00:22:16that's so funny because most people are like how do you how do you like commit to someone and then

00:22:21not fuck it up they're like elizabeth how are you still with the same person they're like eyes

00:22:26twitching you're like and meanwhile i'm like i don't know if you if you choose well right and you stay

00:22:30and you keep recommitting to it it's actually not that hard um the hardest like keep i'm always like

00:22:37don't cheat yeah that's the big like what do most people break up over cheating that's what most

00:22:46people break up over let's be clear that's it is there a conversation you guys had that was like

00:22:52a very specific conversation about that like when you got married or something i mean i remember we went

00:23:00to we were in san francisco we went to a restaurant we were probably like 26 then you know we had some

00:23:05drinks and we got a little drunk and it was more of just like look if anything's happened if you've

00:23:10flirted if this has gone on what i literally don't care let's not care about anything that happened in

00:23:15the past let's just talk about what the future looks like for us like are we are we doing this are

00:23:21we saying like it's me and you and we're going forward and we said yes and i remember it's kind of

00:23:29coming to the conclusion i was like oh okay so eventually i'm going to marry him

00:23:32and we're going to have kids we're going to make a family together and that kind of came out of out

00:23:38of a conversation that was like whatever's ever happened yeah let's not care because we were

00:23:43babies and you weren't it's fine you we weren't meant you know we didn't know that we were going

00:23:49to be committed right but now tonight we're kind of in a place where we know we're going to yeah

00:23:55so let's like acknowledge it and kind of say like all right well then let's let's be real about this

00:24:03like let's be let's commit i appreciate that because i think there's a lot of people that can

00:24:08get scared to bring it up if they don't know where their partner's at yeah and it's a very scary

00:24:14feeling when i've had women write in being like i know like i'm ready for the next step and he has

00:24:20never brought it up and i'm like you have to have the conversation yes because what are you going to do

00:24:24sit around for a couple more years and then you finally ask him and he's like oh no i'm out well

00:24:28also i i think it's okay look people are afraid of the answer it's fear-based so because you're

00:24:35putting yourself out there and you don't want to hear that they don't want to do it but i think

00:24:38often what happens is by the way we didn't get married at 26 we've there was multiple years went

00:24:44by after that before we actually married each other it was more just like let's start making

00:24:51decisions that will lead us to the same place which is we want to get married and start a family

00:24:57and that was it by the way i i have i mean i have friends family that are don't want to get married

00:25:04but are like i want to move to la do you want to come with me are we going to commit to this life

00:25:08together it's the same idea you know like we were living together so it's like totally that's what i was

00:25:14interested like you didn't get married right away how much open communication did you guys have about

00:25:20like we want to get married when are we getting engaged because i think sometimes like when i

00:25:24zero you didn't talk at all well meaning once we were like once i knew we were going to get married

00:25:30eventually i kind of had that in the back of my but i was like there was no rush i wasn't in a hurry

00:25:35right but my only hurry was literally i'm a little traditional i didn't want to accidentally get

00:25:41pregnant before i was married i guess that was it okay okay that was it i was like oh i'm gonna feel

00:25:45really bad if i you wanted to do it i wanted to be traditional about it i just thought we've been

00:25:50together since we were 18 i and i by the way this is no judgment anyone who has a kid and then gets

00:25:57married i don't really care what anyone does i'm just telling you that for me i'm a little

00:26:00traditional i wanted to be married before i i had kids were you surprised when he proposed yes he

00:26:07surprised me because he was like fuck you you're a know-it-all i didn't want you to know

00:26:12and he knows me really well and he wanted to create a scenario where he he did it there was him

00:26:21it was not he's a little traditional too that's why we work together do you know what i mean i think

00:26:25he called my dad and the whole thing and so it was like he went with like my good friend to like buy a

00:26:33ring and got her advice and like you know he did all the work and i think and he deserves all the credit

00:26:38for it because i was kind of like dude to do like i was working i knew you know we'll figure it out

00:26:44eventually blah blah blah and then he was like no we're doing it now and i was like oh shit all right

00:26:49we're doing it okay can you share how he did it oh it's not that crazy i was working on this movie

00:26:56seabiscuit okay of course um i traveled all around for it and i was in kentucky we were shooting a

00:27:01sequence at keeneland and he came to visit in kentucky he was in business school at ucla at the

00:27:08time getting his mba and um so i honestly thought he wasn't gonna do anything until he had graduated

00:27:16you know what i mean i didn't think he was really ready to get married and um he showed up we went

00:27:24we went tailgating so there's a big kentucky louisiana football game we love sports so um and

00:27:32i was with these world-class jockeys in kentucky where jockeys are literally the celebrities of

00:27:37kentucky right so we were these big time jockeys hall of famers and they were like we're gonna go

00:27:42you know they have a suite at the thing what are all these rich horse people and um so we went we

00:27:49started drinking bourbon because it's kentucky at 11 a.m we were off our asses by the end of the game

00:27:55the game was blowout amazing they shot off fireworks like the game was over and kentucky won and then

00:28:02louisiana ran a touchdown into the end zone and actually won the game so it was like this crazy

00:28:08ending and it was like it's one of these like top 10 all-time like espn moments blah blah blah so we go

00:28:15back to the hotel after this we're done like i'm done and and we're taking a nap and um i wake up and

00:28:24i'm like let's just get a steak to the room and like you know hang out like we're already kind of

00:28:29he's like no we are going to dinner you know get this big plan and he had asked like what's the best

00:28:36steakhouse in kentucky or whatever it's called malone's i don't know if it's still there it was in

00:28:40a shout out to malone's that's where i got engaged so we go to malone's we have a driver he like has

00:28:45it all arranged through the concierge we go to malone's and it is a party because louisiana has

00:28:52won and all these people are there for the game and they're all wearing their mardi gras beads and

00:28:57it's purple everywhere and there's a magician walking around doing stuff and my husband is kind

00:29:03of horrified he's like oh shit he was wanting like muso and franks like he wanted a classic

00:29:09like you know like a red velvet banquette yeah right kind of a situation where we were going to

00:29:16eat a medium rare steak and have martinis and he was going to ask me to marry him and it was going

00:29:20to be great instead we're in we are in a party i mean it is a massive party there and we're hung

00:29:27over because we've already been drinking all day so i literally i think i ordered a ginger ale

00:29:31because i was like i'm gonna die and you know so we were there for like two and a half hours

00:29:38he just wouldn't let the dinner end he kept ordering things he wasn't asking me and honestly

00:29:44he just wanted he didn't want to do it in front of like a table full of strangers and he did not

00:29:49want to do it in front of a fucking magician nope i think we could do without i feel like that's not

00:29:55as romantic as it it doesn't even sound romantic no it wasn't it wasn't so truly the restaurant was

00:30:02like closing like the staff was kind of like giving us the dirty like you need to get out of here

00:30:07i and um we i was like why don't we get the check babe like let's go what are we doing why are we

00:30:13still here and then he just pulled out this ring and like yeah everyone and we were basically alone

00:30:19at that point in the restaurant it was really lovely and i was in shock in shock and then we went home and

00:30:27we called our entire family it was like one o'clock in the morning i woke my parents up and

00:30:30and then his family's all west coast so they were it was early enough for them it was like 10

00:30:36and we called everyone and it was great okay that's a great story yeah that's a that's an

00:30:42absolute great story because i think sometimes there's pressure to do like on the hot air balloon

00:30:46like skydiving like no like it can be that's not us you can that's just not us like that's you

00:30:53great totally go for it that was not us he did it exactly how he and i were supposed to get totally

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00:34:11member finra slash sipc advisory services via sofi wealth llc so you have two beautiful children yes

00:34:23two boys um did you always know you wanted children yes um i mean when i was i mean i did not want

00:34:31children when i was young of course of course i wanted to plan my family right alex that's what

00:34:36i was most interested in you had a whole plan yeah i had a plan um i did always want to have kids yes

00:34:42you especially when i once i knew i was marrying my husband i wanted us to make a family together

00:34:46then it made sense for you yeah 100 you've been open about your journey to becoming a mom

00:34:51can you talk about that well i i've never been pregnant and when i was young i thought it was

00:34:58i was really good at taking the pill um which i definitely was um but i have no idea i have um

00:35:06so i have there's a small percentage of women who basically have unexplained infertility and that is

00:35:11me i'm in that that category and really what it came down to for me and i know there are other women

00:35:19have other stories and there are rumors out there about my story so i just want to say this i've never

00:35:23been pregnant i've never had a miscarriage i think people mistook my story for like maybe i had a

00:35:29lot of i've never had a miscarriage so for me i had always had plenty of eggs i never had trouble

00:35:35making embryos um they did not implant for whatever reason my uterus is hostile to i don't know what's

00:35:43going on but they just will not stay in there so at a broken belly is what i told my kids

00:35:49mommy had a broken belly so we my husband and i it's funny because i remember when i went to the

00:35:55fertility doctor for the first time he was like you're going to use a surrogate and this is a long

00:36:01time ago before surrogacy was like a kardashian thing um right nobody was doing it back then

00:36:06and i thought he was crazy like what are you talking about no i'm not i'm like you know first of all i

00:36:12don't know what that is and that sounds nuts and expensive and we're not doing that and um

00:36:17but he was right because he'd seen my case like he's basically like i can solve like eggs like we

00:36:25have a lot of ways to like get women like create embryos you know we can solve bad sperm or whatever

00:36:32causes infertility they have a lot of solutions they do not they do not know to this day why

00:36:40an embryo implants or doesn't they don't know and um so he was like this is on you have an

00:36:47unsolvable problem which is not the language he used with me so at the time i thought like we're

00:36:52just going to do ivf or art which is assisted reproductive technologies and we're going to

00:36:57figure it out because like other women i knew were doing that and they were getting pregnant it

00:37:00was not a problem like they take your their clomid and they do their this or that everybody's

00:37:04going to you know it's going to work for us and then dude it did not work for us we did i think

00:37:09i did like seven procedures that were all resulted in zippity doodah and we were really despondent um

00:37:19and then there was a totally crazy scenario that i'm actually not going to talk about here but

00:37:23involved like family members and a cancer scare and like many things going on um where we kind of

00:37:32thought like this is the challenge for us like we are really lucky people because we found each other

00:37:39and we're in love and um we're just going to be a really good auntie and uncle and we're just we

00:37:45weren't meant to do it you know and then i had some incredible conversations with people and i had a

00:37:53doctor that was you know like you know you can use a surrogate like it's really okay and um long story

00:38:00short because it's a very long story um met somebody had an incredible conversation with her

00:38:08uh still to this day it's my actually my son's 10th birthday today and i'm going to send her a

00:38:13picture of him um yeah because she helped you know she helped make our family with us her mom had

00:38:19been a surrogate that's how she got into it she had three beautiful kids of her own with her awesome

00:38:24husband um because it takes like the whole village to do this and um i was given advice that you know

00:38:33nobody comes to surrogacy like willing excitedly at least i didn't you know it was like a last resort

00:38:41for me um but the advice i got was you will be so grateful and the other advice i got was because

00:38:49back then it's like and by the way it's illegal in most states and you know it's very it's the whole

00:38:54abortion conversation is very right now mixed up with ivf and you know all of this stuff is so um fraught

00:39:02so there was a lot of judgment around this back then especially and people were like guess what

00:39:09at the end you know i had a great friend who was like at the end of the day there's gonna be a baby

00:39:14and you're gonna be a parent and like nobody's gonna care how it happened and like yeah it's

00:39:21it was really good the other great advice i got was like is your goal to be pregnant or to be a mom

00:39:27and i was like oh shit it's just to be a mom right i don't need to be pregnant fuck i don't

00:39:34i just want the baby right so it was like what's the best way to get to the baby like what are you

00:39:39doing like who cares about the pregnancy get the baby whatever the situation is like there's a lot

00:39:44of shame i think for women so much right if you're not able to do it the exact way that like

00:39:50everyone envisions it going and obviously we're so fortunate that we've progressed in the medical

00:39:57field that we're able to actually have so many different ways to go about bringing life into

00:40:01this world but can you talk a little bit about that shame because i think sometimes women go

00:40:06through it and it's hard to articulate especially when you feel so alone and going through it i also

00:40:12looked at it's um your fertility is such a part of your life men and women right i mean but for women

00:40:22especially in a society that's like this is your why we value you right we don't we don't value you

00:40:32because you could be a ceo we value you because you can procreate and keep the race going right

00:40:39um so if you can't do that like you are less of a woman that's the messaging and um your my fertility

00:40:48was something that i had to mourn i had to grieve for it it was a loss and um i had to really work

00:40:59through that before i could invite someone else to help me make my family that's really what for me

00:41:07how the journey to surrogacy um was really about that and it was confusing too because it's like

00:41:14we could my husband i could make these beautiful baby cakes and i just didn't have an oven to bake

00:41:18them in and so it really was my fault do you know what i mean it was on me and i felt that deeply like

00:41:27i'm the prime the problem um and you know you blame your lifestyle and you blame your oh my god and

00:41:35i did everything i was like i stopped drinking i stopped eating then i started eating because

00:41:39someone was like you're too thin you're too this you know i you're you use that cream and it's got

00:41:45a chemical in it it's like okay everything has a chemical in it i don't know like you know

00:41:49it's like don't eat this don't do that so it's like everything you're doing is wrong and like

00:41:53truly i went through all of those things i really did and at the end of the day

00:41:58i remember a really good friend of mine her name is anna i hope she hears this she was like listen

00:42:05i was pregnant and i loved being pregnant and i felt cool and it was great and i gave birth and

00:42:14then they handed me a baby and they were like go home and parent this baby and being pregnant was

00:42:22like a distant memory as if it never happened because suddenly now actually motherhood

00:42:29is happening because now you you're responsible for this other person when you're pregnant you're

00:42:36still just responsible for you and you know there's still that i mean i'm not denying like the

00:42:44connection and all of those things i don't i mean i don't know it intimately because it didn't happen

00:42:48to me but of course i'm not denying anyone else's experience i'm just saying my friend was like

00:42:53they gave me a baby and then i took over from the hospital and like truly being pregnant was like

00:42:57what that was like nothing compared to like the rest of my life is taking care of this other human

00:43:04being right that's nine months like now it's for the rest of your life now it's the rest of your

00:43:07life that's what i had to focus on just refocusing on parenting and my actual child that was in my arms

00:43:18and man oh man it made everything else so stupid so silly everyone's judgment was like fuck off

00:43:28because oh now they get to judge me for how i parent it starts all over again it's a whole other side of

00:43:34the cycle but like no like you gotta mourn it absolutely look it was really it's a journey i i it's not

00:43:44it's hard it's not easy at all to feel like you can't do something that you really want to do that

00:43:50you feel made and built to do and you don't understand and you're with a great person and

00:43:53like everything was right and it still didn't work for me i really appreciate you sharing that because

00:43:59one recently for me women having autonomy over their bodies is the cause i care most about and i think

00:44:06hearing women talk about their individual journeys is so powerful because as much as we all are never

00:44:14going to have the same exact story yeah it's helpful to hear like we're all going to go through

00:44:19shit but we can support each other in how different our stories are that's right um your new movie

00:44:26yeah called jane is truly the movie i think everyone in america should see right now especially with

00:44:34what's going on yeah um can you explain what your character goes through in this movie in her

00:44:42character development so the movie's called jane um it's the it's based on the true collective of

00:44:47women in chicago in the late 60s early 70s before roe v wade was the law of the land um that provided

00:44:55abortion health care to around 11 000 women uh that sought them out right um so basically illegal abortion

00:45:04care was what they were providing and in the film i play this woman joy who is a kind of conservative

00:45:12housewife who never in a million years thinks she's gonna seek out abortion health care and uh finds out

00:45:20that she's pregnant you know she's 40 years old so she's having a pregnancy that is um that's life or

00:45:25death for her basically it's putting a strain on her heart um and she's told like you'll probably die

00:45:33if you don't get rid of this pregnancy and she's got a life that she's living and she's got a child

00:45:38that she's already raising a daughter and she makes a decision um that she prefers her life and um she

00:45:46has to seek out an illegal abortion through the janes and then once she meets this network and really

00:45:51for me it was when she makes this very life-affirming choice for herself to save her life um

00:45:59that her that everything begins for her right i i read the script a long time ago and i remember

00:46:05thinking this is like a coming of age story for a 40 year old you know like you read coming of age for

00:46:11like a 17 year old right but you know or like jane austen or something but like this is a woman who's

00:46:16like well into what she thinks is a very comfortable life and then realizes oh my god i'm living in a bubble

00:46:22i had no idea all these other things were out there and i had no idea that i had it could find purpose

00:46:26in my life and you know she's she just becomes a totally invigorated new person call her daddy is

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00:47:39giving you time back to you know it's up to you right you can binge watch the next season of your

00:47:45favorite reality show you could finally try to cook with the groceries that you keep buying and

00:47:51throwing out hint hint to myself um maybe you could try to sleep you could try to sleep it could

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00:48:03with a dedicated expert today but i do think that's also the beauty of growing up because i've talked

00:48:09about it on my show a lot like we are raised a specific way and you know god bless your parents

00:48:14but there's it's really an extremely exciting time when you get away from where you were raised and

00:48:21away from your parents if you have the ability to do so changing your mind's okay change your mind's

00:48:26great it's great well it's it's a measure of your life experiences because it tells you that like oh

00:48:33i was able to be open to something new a new idea a new person it's mostly people that change us though

00:48:39isn't it yep it's meeting other human beings and building empathy for them and going like oh they're

00:48:45just a regular joe that wants to do blah blah blah with their life and live their dreams oh and they

00:48:49happen to be trans right or oh that happens to be you know oh they happen to be an ex-felon yeah but

00:48:54like they they you know they're i just think that the idea of people's whole humanity is just more

00:49:03interesting than like you know archetypes tropes like the whole it's just like there's so much more

00:49:09going on i agree i agree i feel like even recently i felt like oh my god i i never want to judge anyone

00:49:14again because we just have no idea and it's actually i judge myself i know i know but then it's like oh my

00:49:21god we have no clue so i think a really interesting scene that struck me in the movie was when you're in

00:49:28the boardroom yeah surrounded by all men telling you no you can't get an abortion correct and your

00:49:36character is like wait but like even if it means the death of her mother like what and they're like

00:49:41yeah no that scene was so powerful because i think how many times i've been in a room with all men and

00:49:49it's it's just so profound to look back when i was younger i wish i could have like stood up for

00:49:54myself in certain situations but have you experienced being in a room with men in an

00:49:59industry dominated by men like of course how have you evolved with your relationship to sticking up

00:50:05for yourself and trying to have a voice in a room where well that's what that scene really is about

00:50:10right it's about the spaces where women's voices are not valued yeah of course i've had many experiences

00:50:17in my life i mean you know i'm an actor in hollywood i i go to set i've gone to many sets where i'm like

00:50:22the only female actor in the cast or you know one of a very few i mean i've mentioned seabiscuit like

00:50:30you know i was i had an amazing time making that movie but it weren't like gal pals on that film i

00:50:35mean it was me and a bunch of dudes so and that's true of like a lot of movies i've done um so that

00:50:41was my experience for a long time and now you know i i see it for what it is it's really it's so

00:50:49interesting as you get a little more distance from that time in your career but also when you

00:50:55look everything was anecdotal for a really long time so i think pre me too pre like we want to have

00:51:02more women on boards of fortune 500 companies like there's this whole movement right now that is

00:51:06about equality in a way in a way and then there's a backlash which is about abortion rights which is

00:51:12all about inequality so there is a sense of like women deserve more you know um more representation

00:51:20um and that comes you know i like to remind people that we are women as having political and economic

00:51:32power is brand fucking new in the scope of human history our grandmothers did not work outside the home

00:51:40women did not work outside the home make their own god dang money until the 70s you could not have a

00:51:48no-fault divorce until the 70s you could not leave a husband just because you wanted to until the 70s

00:51:56you had to have his permission to leave so women have not had a sense of autonomy really or any political

00:52:04clout or economic power until my lifetime my you know 40 something years that's it so it's fresh as

00:52:13a daisy when it comes to the patriarchy the patriarchy is like wait a minute we had a system right

00:52:17we loved it we were very happy with the system right what do you mean you're gonna work and like have

00:52:24opinions you're gonna want things you know hashtag me too fuck you and you're like no no stop abusing us

00:52:31like maybe stop doing that right and like you know i think it's what people are like why did it take so

00:52:37long for for instance you know i i don't want to say his name for a hollywood mogul to get taken down

00:52:43you know why did why was he allowed to do that for so long and you're like because there were young

00:52:48women who had no careers and no money and no safety and no security right and then they grew up

00:52:56and they had husbands and families and money and lives and security and careers and they were like

00:53:02hey that guy that happened to me and they were finally safe enough to say it and it takes feeling

00:53:12safe to actually stand up for yourself that's what it took me it took me feeling safe in spaces

00:53:20and that comes with my own sense of security like if i say this out loud i will still work

00:53:28in my industry i will not be punished for saying this it's my safety that has allowed me to speak

00:53:36out it's a privilege to feel safe i currently feel safe and i experienced something where i didn't feel

00:53:43safe um back in college and it was a power dynamic that was abused and i now look back

00:53:50and i'm like the reason i didn't speak up or didn't say anything was because like i needed a job like

00:53:57i needed to get my foot in the door i need and so i i wonder if you have advice for young women maybe

00:54:03that i mean are in the workforce right now trying to figure out like i don't have that safety or

00:54:10security right now like i don't know if you have any advice of like how to navigate i know it's very

00:54:16difficult it is i would say there's safety also in numbers right like we do feel that so like

00:54:21hashtag me too was about numbers it was about like there were these anecdotes that were whisper

00:54:26campaigns in this there's also now there's so much data like we just know we're like no 70 percent of

00:54:33women experience xyz like stop saying you don't do this to us like do you know what i mean

00:54:37um so i think partly it's that we actually have data that supports our feelings you know things that we

00:54:44could be dismissed now it's like no no there's studies now like we're actually looking at it

00:54:49which by the way also fresh as a daisy super new to actually give a shit what's happening to women in

00:54:54the world um haven't been studying us for very long so uh that's wild too my advice is like you're

00:55:03almost probably never alone so you know and you don't need to compete with other women there is

00:55:12that it's not a pie with only so many slices there really is opportunity out there for everybody

00:55:19um so i find that when people feel like they're competing again they don't feel safe they don't

00:55:24feel secure where they are so they feel like they can't reach out to somebody say you know the other

00:55:32woman on the team or the other woman in the boom or the look for those mentors talk to older ladies

00:55:37look you know reach out across your network talk to your friends about it the shame and stigma around

00:55:44all of these issues is still so deeply felt by people and it's really hard to break out of and

00:55:49it's why people stay silent and that is the best tool the patriarchy has they are creating a sense of

00:55:56fear stigma and shame that allows women to sit silently at home and go like i guess i'm the only one

00:56:01and you you aren't you are not alone you're not alone and i love that advice find the other people

00:56:08even though it's scary it's better to you will feel better not being alone that's the main yes yeah it's

00:56:15the first step yep right is feeling on is you're being isolated on purpose it's a tool don't let yourself

00:56:24be isolated how do you respond to someone in conversation if they say that they think

00:56:31abortion access should be banned i think that if abortion is not for them they should not get an

00:56:39abortion and but i don't think that they have the right to tell other people what to do with their

00:56:45lives and bodies we don't live in a theocracy we live in a democracy and i am trying to live the

00:56:53values of the constitution of our country life liberty the pursuit of happiness sense of equality and

00:56:59fairness um and that is not possible if an irresponsible ejaculation changes a woman's

00:57:06entire life and for pregnancy with our maternal mortality rate especially in the south especially

00:57:12for black women like forced pregnancy is could be a death sentence like it's just unacceptable yeah

00:57:18it is inhumane and i i did a um a short documentary episode on i went to north carolina and i sat down with

00:57:26a bunch of women i saw that it would it changed my life because it's amazing it's so there's so many

00:57:31people that are so ignorant to what's going on it's so convoluted and it it's it's really disheartening

00:57:38but i do feel positive in the sense that i feel like the generations coming up like if they use their

00:57:46voice things are going to continue to change and hopefully get better well the midterm elections i think

00:57:50were a big you know win for abortion rights across the country i think women turns out women like

00:57:57having human rights and they vote so who knew but i do look i i really it's not the law of the land

00:58:06right now i mean dobbs overturned roe v wade and there were you know there are states where abortion

00:58:11health care cannot be accessed and i think that the you know i think about the real harm that's

00:58:17happening to women in those places and um you know that's like that's my first thought and then

00:58:24i'm thinking about well how do we how do we get it back but you know this is the patriarchy they steal

00:58:28our time of course they're making us do it all over again my fucking grandmother fought for this

00:58:33by the way nobody gave us the right to vote nobody gave us roe v wade nobody gives us shit it has

00:58:39to be fought for and won they don't want to give us anything so we have to keep fighting and um that's

00:58:46where i'm like my sense of like unaloneness comes from like i know so many women that are in this fight

00:58:51and i also know that i'm on the side of the you know that it's morally correct an unwanted child is

00:58:57a fucking tragedy it's it's a tragedy yeah yeah and i am not taking anything away from the holiness

00:59:06of a wanted baby by saying that right right yeah it's like but it should be the woman whose body

00:59:14it's her body let her decide how does that affect you it truly just is to me it's not fair yeah like

00:59:21dudes ejaculate inside ladies and like what every time out if that sperm meets the egg you're supposed

00:59:28to stop making it into something it's not it's fucking science it's a sperm meeting an egg and acts

00:59:34nobody had here's the thing abortion exists because we as a society and this is our lived reality this

00:59:41is not some fairy tale we have sex for fun we don't always have sex to make children we just have sex for

00:59:48fun and so abortion is the insurance policy against unwanted pregnancy when we're just trying to have

00:59:56sex for fun that's it that's our lived reality stop pretending that we're all sluts and like

01:00:02people to have sex outside of marriage are going to hell not true also by the way i'm good with my

01:00:09god you don't need to get involved you're not my god you don't get to tell me what's gonna happen

01:00:14to me at the pearly gates i'm good i'll get there i'll have my own conversation thank you so much don't

01:00:20worry about my soul right i'm good i'm good i'm good thank you worry about your own self that you worry

01:00:27about your god and what you think your god's gonna do to you i'm good my god's cool with me yeah i feel

01:00:31good i i personally feel great straight with my god exactly no that's why i do love the movie because

01:00:38no one wants to be preached at no one wants to be told to do no one's homework i get it

01:00:43if you watch this movie you feel how imbalanced the power dynamic is and you feel how isolated

01:00:51your character is in this moment and it's it's incredible yeah um i think people in the world in

01:00:592022 have gotten a little bit better with understanding that feminism is just us wanting

01:01:03to be equal to all people and equal opportunity thank you but do you think being a feminist

01:01:09at all hurt you and your career no no i do not make decisions out of fear i really try not to you

01:01:17know i don't stay with my husband because i'm afraid of being alone i say my husband because

01:01:21it's awesome to be married to my husband positive positive positive so i don't make decisions about

01:01:27the roles i take or the movies i make the stories i tell the things i do how i spend my time because

01:01:34i'm afraid of a reaction from somebody who doesn't like what i'm doing who what i do things from a

01:01:41place of positivity and wanting the world to be more equitable for people because i truly believe

01:01:48like my life is enriched when i invite that kind of energy into it that's it period full stop like

01:01:54i just don't worry about haters totally people who don't know me like you know i try to i try to act

01:02:05correct i am going to make mistakes i do make mistakes and then i just try to learn from them i

01:02:10don't know you know i really don't have a lot of regrets i i think about it all as learning and my life

01:02:15hopefully will be long and i will continue to learn and be a you know a better bigger person i i know i

01:02:21have become that i'm definitely wiser i feel really great being the age i am raising my kids the way i am

01:02:28in the life that i have right now i i do feel like okay i i have figured a few things out and that feels

01:02:36nice you figured a lot you are so accomplished and i think that i mean i felt it being in this industry

01:02:44and starting to kind of use my voice like there's people that are like oh don't get political like

01:02:48why are you now just like being like feminist and like i'm like because it's it's such a um

01:02:53privileged mentality to avoid like sure i like you can't just sit in your bubble and enjoy sure i guess

01:03:01you could enjoy your life and just enjoy your privilege i hate to tell your friends i want to

01:03:05say that to you but like you are when you say you're a feminist you are simply honoring the fact

01:03:10that you would not be sitting here talking to me if women before you if you were not standing on the

01:03:16shoulders of the women who came before you that's it so if you have any gratitude in your life

01:03:22you as a woman you have to kind of be a feminist because like we only have these opportunities

01:03:29because of those women who left the house and took jobs and proved that women could work could earn

01:03:36money that women could make their own decisions that women can be in office that women can have

01:03:42jobs that women can have a podcast that's fucking super successful that other people want to listen

01:03:47to you're not the only one who did you know what i mean there's people that came before us

01:03:52that did this for us to have these opportunities and to keep it going that's you gotta guess what if

01:03:58you want to pay it forward you're a feminist right i really appreciate you coming today because

01:04:03you are so wise and have that experience that i i just respect you in your career so much

01:04:09and you have such a great outlook on how to navigate a man's world and i i can't thank you

01:04:17for coming no you're you're really incredible thanks for having me i'm a huge fan of yours too

01:04:21look you've done look at look what you made you did it so did you look at us but two women sitting

01:04:27here thriving here we go

01:04:29you

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