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00:01I can't believe you finally get a Saturday off,
00:03and we're spending our night looking at flowers.
00:05The Philadelphia Flower Show is an institution, Mark.
00:08People dress up for this.
00:10Uh, excuse me.
00:10This is a $300 Mitchell and Ness, okay?
00:12This is Eagles Couture.
00:15I mean, come on, hon. How cool is this?
00:18Yeah, it's all right.
00:19So, I'm thinking Hamilton Hordicourt,
00:22Guardians of the Garden.
00:23Oh, and we gotta make sure we leave time at the end
00:26for the frond farewell.
00:27Okay, fine. Let's just make it quick, though, okay?
00:29I wanna hit up a couple bars in Old City
00:31and get cheesesteaks at Jimangelo's.
00:33No, Mark.
00:34We need to get back at a reasonable time.
00:36Darren's home alone.
00:37Uh, he's 14, Tam, okay?
00:38The middle ages.
00:39You already have, like, nine kids by now.
00:41He's fine.
00:43Who's down to get irresponsible?
00:47Bro.
00:49Well, I used to work at a hot dog factory
00:52Until them robots came along
00:54And now there is no doubt for me
00:56But I get $3,000 a month
00:58Thanks to UVI
01:02Now we're universal basic guys
01:06It may not sound like much
01:08But we're still gonna try
01:11We're just universal basic guys
01:20God, these are, like, the small swings ever. What are they, like, from a pigeon?
01:23It's the flower show, hon, not Hooters.
01:25Yeah, that's for sure.
01:26Stunning. Oh, how beautiful is that?
01:29Oh, that's amazing.
01:30See? I told you it was cool.
01:32Yo, Tam, they turned, uh, McGannahan's into a throwing axe bar. Check this out.
01:36Oh, Mark, can we just enjoy this together?
01:38Sure, hon, my bad.
01:40I mean, who wants to throw axes when you can walk around looking at friggin' plants?
01:43They're not just plants. They're works of art.
01:46Ooh, Mark, look! Flower gritty!
01:48Uh, okay, not gonna lie, that is... that does excite me.
01:52And look over there. They got the plants from Mario.
01:54No frickin' way. Now we're talkin'.
01:57So these things eat meat, right?
01:59Yes. Mostly small insects.
02:01They release enzymes that dissolve...
02:03You ever feed these things chicken wings?
02:04No, sir. They would die.
02:06Ah, interesting. Can I just, uh, try? For signs?
02:10Are you kidding me?!
02:11What the hell, man? These are, like, 25 bucks.
02:14Bruh, you're wild for this.
02:16Yeah, boy!
02:18Um, we're not gonna get caught, though, right?
02:20Relax. This is an old-school tried-and-true prank.
02:23Guaranteed laughs. Zero consequences.
02:26You've done this before?
02:27Pfft. Come on, man. I've been doin' this since the 18th century.
02:31Still hilarious every time.
02:33All right. Let's do it.
02:34My dude.
02:39Wait, where's pig number two?
02:42Exactly.
02:43Our patented sticky soil allows you to grow plants sideways.
02:47Or even upside down.
02:49Wow.
02:49Oh, wow. Very cool.
02:50Next up, a cutting-edge technology that will radically transform the plant space.
02:59Instant Bonsai.
03:01That's unbelievable.
03:03Now, we all love a garden in the sunshine.
03:06But what if I told you it could be even more stunning at night?
03:11Genetically modified flowers for bioluminescence.
03:14Oh, my God, dude. It's sick. It's like a blacklight poster.
03:18Yeah, looks like you're having fun at the lame old flower show after all, huh?
03:22Yeah, Tam, let's get out of here.
03:23Uh, Guardians of the Garden starts in ten minutes. Don't wanna miss it.
03:25Whoa!
03:26In addition to pollinators, there are many other insects who help protect our fruits and vegetables.
03:32Ugh, why hasn't Darren texted back?
03:35This is Grace. Who here knows what kind of insect she is?
03:38It's a praying mantis. It's a praying mantis.
03:40Uh, correct.
03:42Boom. Yeah, I watch a lot of his bugfights on YouTube, so...
03:45What's up, plant people? Who's ready to germinate on the dance floor?
03:51Uh, Tam, we gotta check that out.
03:52I don't know, Mark. It's getting late. We should probably head back.
03:55Oh, come on. You dragged me to the flower show and now you wanna leave before the big party?
03:58I just don't wanna be irresponsible.
04:00Come on, Tam, you've been a mom since we met.
04:02We never gotta do any adventures together.
04:04It's not like we're sneaking off to Vegas at 8 p.m. after party at the freakin' flower show.
04:08Oh, thank God. Darren says he's watching a movie and going to bed early.
04:12See? Kid's 14 going on 60. It's all good.
04:16Orchid VIP passes.
04:18Oh, well. Guess we tried.
04:20Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
04:20You think a little velvet rope is gonna stop Mark Hoagies from having a crazy night with his wife?
04:26No way, Jose. I am getting us in.
04:29How you doing, bud? You look like a man familiar with the martial arts.
04:33Guilty as charged.
04:34Alright, so let me ask you, okay? Which insect would win in a death match?
04:38Tarantula or praying mantis?
04:40Oh, man. That's tough.
04:42Okay, so, it's praying mantis, which means it's got God on their side, and God doesn't make mistakes.
04:48But, it's hard to bet against a giant spider, so I'm gonna go with tarantula.
04:54Eh, mantis.
04:55What?
04:56No way.
04:56Dude, they're like the friggin' John Jones of Bugs. Yo, check it out.
05:00Oh, man.
05:02What's up, Slurp Heads? Welcome to Smooth Talkers, the pod where we review blended bevs and chop it up about
05:10whatevs.
05:11Today, we're live at the Jingle Pad.
05:14That's right, and we'll be reviewing the PB Mango Monster from Rumba Juice.
05:18Shall we? Let's Slurp It Up!
05:26Oh, careful! If we make a mess, Andrea will never let me podcast here again.
05:31Sorry, I got startled by the pigs.
05:33Pigs?
05:35The hell?
05:38Where's pig number two?
05:41This prank is goaded.
05:42See, the mantis is a striker, so the tarantula, all it needs to do is just sort of like shoot
05:47in, get him to the ground, right?
05:49And then just like, bam, bam, just ground and pound him until he submits.
05:53Hello? What's the holdup?
05:54Oh, sorry. You're good, man.
05:59Where is the second pig?
06:01What are you doing?
06:02I thought you were going to help me get rid of him.
06:04It makes weird sounds when I get close.
06:07We have to find this pig.
06:09Holy crap, dude. This is unbelievable.
06:12Yeah, for sure.
06:14So, like, maybe we wrap this up and go play Farm Crossing?
06:17What? Dude, things are just heating up.
06:19Yeah, it's just... David's been tweaking for like an hour.
06:24It's out of our hands now, my guy.
06:26Yeah.
06:27Dude, where are you going?
06:28What are you doing?
06:31Woo-hoo-hoo!
06:43Would the lady like another gin and tulip?
06:46Oh, thanks, hon. This is so fun.
06:48Right? Yeah, pretty good.
06:50Hey, big boy.
06:51Oh, don't look at me like that, Tim.
06:54Mark.
06:57No, no.
06:58I'm not watching it.
07:02Yep.
07:03Whoa!
07:04Come here, you big bugonial.
07:10Uh, Mark?
07:14Huh?
07:14Is it me, or did this room get bigger?
07:18Uh...
07:22Oh, my God! We shrunk!
07:25Oh, man, this is classic.
07:26This is not classic. It's a disaster!
07:29How do we undo this?
07:30All right, just calm down. It's all good.
07:32All we gotta do is hit that switch up there.
07:34And we're ready to unshrink.
07:35Wait, what do you mean, ready to unshrink?
07:37Hunt, can we just take a second and acknowledge the crazy adventure we're having together?
07:41I mean, this is a night out.
07:43I let myself go for one night.
07:45Oh, come on, Tam. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be tiny.
07:48I've dreamed about this my whole life.
07:50Well, if we don't find a way to that switch, it'll be more than dreams getting crushed.
08:00Tom Jonesley, Animal Control Special Task Force.
08:03You got a pig problem?
08:05Oh, thank God.
08:06Wait, why is this a special task?
08:09New strain of the swine flu. All porcine calls go through STF now.
08:14Swine flu?
08:15Smart move, calling Animal Control.
08:17I thought you called Animal Control.
08:19Wait, you called Animal Control?
08:21Yeah, sorry. Look, I just, I kind of felt bad.
08:23Dude, epic move! It's about to go down!
08:30Grab as much as you can. We need enough to climb to the switch.
08:33Gotta say, uh, gathering dirt, not on my tiny bucket list.
08:39Holy macaroni.
08:43It's beautiful.
08:46Oh, yeah, gotta get in on this.
08:48Whoa!
08:49Yo!
08:49Uh, hey, bud, uh, you want some cream?
08:52Yeah?
08:53Mmm, there we go. Yum.
08:56You want to be my insect friend?
08:58Ah! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, God!
09:01Mark! Oh, my God!
09:02Hey, get off of me!
09:04Get off! Get off!
09:05Ow!
09:06That's my husband!
09:08Whoa, so, yeah, that is, uh, not like what happens in a movie.
09:13Uh...
09:15Oh, God!
09:17Whoa, what the...
09:18Hey, you got an ant problem.
09:22Wow! Oh, ho, ho, ho, man.
09:29Uh, thanks.
09:31Uh...
09:31Hiya. How did you...
09:32Uh, no time for small talk.
09:33Dead ants released alarm pheromones.
09:35We gotta move before the whole colony shows up.
09:37Uh, whole colony?
09:38Yeah, nope.
09:39Uh, time to go.
09:43You doing a podcast?
09:44Yes.
09:45Nice.
09:46Yeah, me and my buddy do one where we watch 80s movies and talk about the boobies.
09:50Oh, wow.
09:51That's a, uh...
09:52Yeah, that's a topic.
09:53No sign of pig two.
09:55Okay.
09:56So, I guess maybe there wasn't a pig number two after all?
09:59Let me tell you something, pal.
10:00I've been doing this for over 30 years, and if there's one thing I've learned,
10:04there is always a pig number two.
10:07Phillips, give me the CDC and the FBI. Hendrix Coffee Rod.
10:11It's gonna be a long night.
10:16Nice place you got here.
10:18Thanks.
10:19Found it after Sneaker Con.
10:20Oh, wow. It's so cute.
10:22I love how you turned all the little things into, like, big things.
10:25Yeah, I gotta say, man, those ants are no joke.
10:28Whew.
10:28Those are nothing.
10:30Spiders, on the other hand, watch out.
10:32Oh, spiders.
10:33Um, okay.
10:34Uh, yeah, can I actually get one of those blades over there?
10:36Oh, wow.
10:37What is this, like, uh, shark tooth or something?
10:39Toenail clipping.
10:40Ugh.
10:41Gotta be resourceful when you're the size of a chess piece, right?
10:45Edamame?
10:45Oh, thank you.
10:47Uh, I'm gonna pass, uh, having some, uh, stomach issues.
10:50Maybe it was the handfuls of cream filling you ate.
10:53Ooh, yeah, that's a no-no.
10:54Processed sugars, impossible to digest at this size.
10:58Gotta be real careful about what you put in your body out here.
11:00Ugh, come on.
11:01That's like the best part of being small.
11:03Man, when you're this small, literally everything can kill you.
11:07One wrong move in your rat food.
11:08Just the other day, I almost died when somebody dropped a mint.
11:12Every day is a new adventure.
11:13Oh, yeah.
11:14Sounds great.
11:15So, how'd you end up small?
11:17Well, same as you, I'm guessing.
11:18I, uh, snuck into the instant bonsai tree thingy at last year's show.
11:22And you don't wanna get big again?
11:23What's the rush?
11:24I'm 25.
11:26I've got no attachments.
11:28I'm just enjoying what life throws my way.
11:30We only get one ride on this merry-go-round, right?
11:33Huh.
11:33Yeah.
11:34Sometimes I feel like I never even got on the merry-go-round.
11:37How about you?
11:38What's your story?
11:39Oh, you don't wanna hear it.
11:40I'm just an old, boring mom.
11:43Are you kidding?
11:44First of all, you're gorgeous.
11:46Second, I can tell you have an adventurous spirit.
11:49Really?
11:50All right, well, appreciate you saving our lives, Buddha.
11:52Yeah, Tan, we should probably get going.
11:54Oh, come on, guys.
11:55You just got shrunk.
11:57Let's do something wild.
11:58Actually, yeah, we're good.
12:00Well, hold on, Mark.
12:01We're shrunk.
12:01Might as well try something fun.
12:03So, what do you have in mind?
12:06It's called nutting.
12:07You just hop on your shell and go with the flow.
12:10Ooh, that sounds fun.
12:12All right, I know you don't like when I say stuff like this,
12:14but this woman is crazy, okay?
12:16She's a crazy person.
12:17Oh, please.
12:18You've been telling me to loosen up all night.
12:20Well, here I go.
12:23Woo-hoo-hoo!
12:25Woo-hoo-hoo!
12:27Woo-hoo-hoo!
12:29Woo-hoo-hoo!
12:30Wow!
12:30Oh, God!
12:32Oh, God!
12:35Oh, God!
12:35Oh, God!
12:36Oh, God!
12:37Oh, God!
12:38Oh, God!
12:38Oh, God!
12:39Ah, damn it!
12:40How this is funny to you?
12:42I'm gonna freaking die.
12:43Oh, relax, hon.
12:44Live a little.
12:48Oh, I have to admit, this is beautiful.
12:51You really do see things differently down here.
12:53Right?
12:54The world isn't smaller, it's bigger, man.
12:57It puts everything in perspective and makes you live in the moment.
13:00I never live in the moment.
13:01I'm always too busy worrying about the next one.
13:04Well, before you know it, the long ones run out.
13:06Oh, so true.
13:08I spent the last 14 years so worried about my kid, I forgot to do anything for myself.
13:13Feels good to just let loose.
13:15What the hell is wrong with you?
13:16Did you put freaking ayahuasca in these soybeans?
13:18Okay?
13:18You got a son at home right now.
13:20Parents deserve to have a little fun, too, Mark.
13:22How is this fun?
13:23Okay?
13:24We're at the bottom of the freaking food chain here.
13:26I almost got my head ripped off by a freaking ant.
13:28Hey!
13:29You guys wanna ride a butterfly?
13:31I mean, when in tiny Rome, Mark.
13:34I think I've had enough shrunken antics for one day.
13:37I'm gonna head back and grab some more of that sticky dirt.
13:39You coming?
13:41Yeah, I'll catch up to you later.
13:43You know what?
13:43Okay, have fun riding butterflies.
13:46I'm gonna go get back to your son.
13:48Probably jumping off the roof and taking shots of hand sanitizer.
13:52Ow!
13:52Whoa!
13:53Whoops.
13:54No big deal.
13:55Thought it was a spider.
13:56All good.
14:01This is an all-timer.
14:03Might be better than Roanoke.
14:05Roanoke?
14:05The Colony.
14:071600s.
14:08Legendary pig prank, man.
14:10Everyone went crazy and killed each other.
14:11Bro, if we get caught, my mom is never gonna let me be home alone again.
14:16Relax.
14:16As long as we keep our mouths shut, it's all good.
14:20Dude!
14:21Just be cool.
14:24Oh, hey, there.
14:25Uh, Mork around?
14:27He's out with my mom.
14:28Oh, uh, what's with all the cops?
14:29Did, uh, Mork try to do his own taxes again or something?
14:33Uh, hey, Uncle Hank, can I tell you something?
14:37It's kind of a secret.
14:38Uh, okay.
14:40Okay, so all these cops and stuff, it was us.
14:44We pranked David and it kinda escalated.
14:46I'm not sure what to do.
14:48Why don't you just, uh, tell him it was a prank?
14:50Do not.
14:52Number one rule of pranks, never confess.
14:55I just, uh, I feel kinda bad, J.D.
14:58Well, are you gonna feel bad for me when I'm grounded for a hundred years?
15:02You can't play farm crossing in Gitmo, dare.
15:07Stupid flower show.
15:09Whoa, what the hell?
15:13No freaking way.
15:15Oh, shit.
15:17Oh, boy.
15:22Come on, come on, come on.
15:24Ah, damn it.
15:31Hell yeah.
15:33Hey, Mark.
15:35Um, I, uh, got a little situation here and, um, kinda need your help.
15:40Unreal, right?
15:42Oh, yeah!
15:43Woo!
15:43Hey, Mark.
15:45Um, I, uh, got a little ticket here and, uh, kinda need your help.
15:48Darren?
15:49You good, T?
15:50Oh, my God.
15:51I gotta get back.
15:52How do we land this thing?
15:54We don't!
15:55You just let go and trust the butterfly to take us wherever the wind carries it.
16:00Uh-uh.
16:01That doesn't work for me right now.
16:03Hey, butterfly!
16:04Down, girl!
16:05Down!
16:06Whoa!
16:07Careful, Tammy.
16:08They, they startle easily.
16:09Ah!
16:10Ah!
16:11Ah!
16:13Oh, my God.
16:15Ugh!
16:16You got any pro tips for escaping a Venus flytrap?
16:20Nope.
16:21This is a first.
16:22I think we just gotta go with the flow, you know?
16:25Well, right now, the flow is about to dissolve us in acid.
16:28And I've got a little boy at home who needs me.
16:30What?
16:31Isn't he, like, 12?
16:32He's 14.
16:33And it doesn't matter how old you are.
16:35Everyone needs their mom sometimes.
16:37Not me.
16:37My mom's in jail for Medicare fraud.
16:39Okay.
16:40Well, most people.
16:43Help!
16:44Somebody help!
16:45Mark!
16:46Tab!
16:47Tab!
16:47Yo, Darren's got himself in a situation, all right?
16:50We gotta get out of here, okay?
16:51We gotta get big again.
16:52Where are you?
16:53Help!
16:54Oh!
16:54Where are you?
16:55Anybody help us!
16:57Tab!
16:58Mark!
16:59Oh, my God!
17:00Help!
17:00We're in here!
17:01The hell out of here?
17:02You're in a frickin' meat-eating plant?
17:04Hurry, Mark!
17:05I think it's starting to digest us!
17:07Ugh!
17:07All right, I'm coming.
17:08I'm coming, all right?
17:09Ah!
17:10Come on.
17:11Come on.
17:11I get crap.
17:13Uh...
17:14Uh...
17:14Hell yeah.
17:16Mmm.
17:17Who wants a yummy wing with the meat on it?
17:28Heard you guys need a wingman.
17:33Sure you don't wanna stick around?
17:35Go pedal parachuting?
17:36No, I gotta get back.
17:37As fun as this was, being a mom comes first.
17:40You wanna come with us?
17:41Nah.
17:42I'm all about that shrunk life.
17:43Okay.
17:44Well, take care, Kaya.
17:46You too, Timmy.
17:48You too.
17:52Oh!
17:52Oh, God!
17:53Damn.
17:56Uh, excuse me, sir?
17:58Don't worry, son.
17:59Nothing to be concerned about.
18:01I know.
18:03There's no pig number two.
18:04I beg your pardon?
18:05It was just a super prank.
18:07I didn't realize it would cause all this.
18:09We just thought it'd be funny to mess with my neighbor.
18:12What do you mean, we?
18:15I mean, me.
18:17It was just me.
18:18Can you just call my mom and let her know I'm in Gitmo?
18:21You got guts, kid.
18:23Coming here and fessing up.
18:24I'll give you that.
18:25But you don't strike me as the pranking type.
18:28You tell me who put you up to this and we'll keep this between us.
18:32Sir, we just got the pig's swine flu results.
18:38Oh, uh, hey, officer.
18:40To what do I owe the honor?
18:42You handle any hogs tonight?
18:44Me?
18:44Hogs?
18:45Pfft, no way, man.
18:46I'm actually kosher.
18:47Uh, yeah.
18:48Shabbat Shalom.
18:49Wait, you're Jewish?
18:50Uh, yes, I am.
18:52Hank.
18:53Well, your pal here just tested positive for swine flu.
18:56Hey, J.D.
18:57Dare, you're gonna be okay, right?
19:01I hope so.
19:02Yeah, this particular strain only has a 30% survival rate.
19:06Ugh.
19:07Oh, God.
19:08I'm so sorry, Dare.
19:09This is all my fault.
19:11Don't die on me.
19:12It was just supposed to be a stupid prank.
19:16Gotcha.
19:18Are you freaking kidding me?
19:20Not cool, dude.
19:21Not freaking cool.
19:22All right, boys.
19:24Hope you learned your lesson.
19:25Yes, sir.
19:26Do this again, and I'll put you both down.
19:29Just like those two pigs.
19:31Heh.
19:31Good one.
19:40That should do it.
19:44Come on, got it.
19:45Ten seconds.
19:46Let's go.
19:49Come on, come on, come on, come on.
19:51Uh-oh.
20:03Oh!
20:04Hell yeah, dude.
20:05Grace for the win.
20:07Let's go!
20:09Ah!
20:15Hell yeah, dude.
20:17Back to 5'10".
20:18You're 5'7", honey.
20:19Damn.
20:20I'm 5'8", at least.
20:21Okay.
20:24Uh...
20:25Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
20:28Hold it.
20:30Whoa.
20:35It's on.
20:38Pretty list, bitch.
20:47Darren?
20:47You okay?
20:48Yeah, I just couldn't get the internet to work.
20:51I figured it out.
20:52Oh.
20:53Oh, come here, you.
20:58Oh.
20:59He's fine.
21:01Hey, uh, listen.
21:02Sorry for making you stay out later than you wanted.
21:05Ah, it's not your fault.
21:07I needed the push.
21:07Honestly, this turned out to be a pretty freaking awesome night.
21:11Yeah, it was, uh, something else.
21:13Maybe next time, though, we do something less crazy.
21:16Like bar hopping and 3AM cheesesteaks.
21:18Now we're talking.
21:20What the hell?
21:22Darren, get your ass down here right now!
21:26What?
21:26Where the hell is Big One?
21:28And there better not be a Big Three!
21:37So we can't gonna try again.
21:38So we're gonna try and do some more.
21:38So we'll see you next time.
21:38We'll see you next time.
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