Minder. S09 E13. For a Few Dollars More.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 1st April 1993.  Broke and marooned in Sydney, the Daleys book into a cheap back packers' hostel.  George Cole - Arthur Gary Webster - Ray Bill Hunter - Reid Terry Gill - Collins Danielle Spencer - Robyn Robert Alexander - Concierge Roy Billing - Davis Mark Strickson - Swan George Leppard - Manager Boris Brkic - Ross Nic Gazzana - Burger stall owner Carole Skinner - Mary Maguire Robin Hunter - Man in pub John Meillon Jr. - Man in pub Hugh Wade - Receptionist Cate Murray - Deidre Michael Burgess - Policeman Troy Rowley - Bellboy

Transcript

00:00You will keep an eye on Mr. Daley until things are sorted out.

00:03I don't want to bring him halfway around the world and then have him slip under a bus before the

00:06estate's cleared up.

00:07G'day, Arthur. G'day, Ray. Welcome to Sydney.

00:11It's important, Arthur. You're carrying on like the inheritance is already yours.

00:15You're Joshua Daley's illegitimate son because I say you are.

00:18And you're going to stay that way until I tell you it can stop.

00:20I travelled thousands of miles expecting a cop for my great-uncle's will,

00:23only to find five other Daley's expecting the same.

00:26Get after him. Get the documents. I don't care what you do, just get them.

00:29Joshua Daley's sole heir is Dimitri Vassilis Aristotle Daley.

00:36No, no. Stop the proceedings. It's a ringer. I demand a recamble.

00:41We haven't got enough cash left for a bus to Bondi, never mind the air tickets.

00:45We cannot afford to pay this hotel bill.

00:47If you think a man in my position is going to abscond from one of the world's top hotels without

00:52paying,

00:52you're very much mistaken.

00:54OK. Any other suggestions?

00:57I think the fire exits favour it. Go on.

01:54It's all in here. It is all in here.

01:57Her Britannic Majesty requests and requires that I be allowed to pass freely without let or

02:03indurance and given all necessary assistance, all over the place. I think that sums up our

02:07situation. That means they let you in, Arthur. It doesn't mean they bail you out. Look, it may

02:11have escaped your notice. This country still flies a Union Jack. Commonwealth ties, Ray. You'll see.

02:19And we was wondering what these mates of ours would do if they found themselves with no money

02:24and no ticket home. I mean, what would be their best course of action? British nationals,

02:30you say. Bred and born. I find it hard to believe that your mates came to this country in the

02:37first place without a return ticket. But if they have, between you and I, I'm afraid it

02:44would be their responsibility to extricate themselves as best they can. Would it? The British taxpayer

02:50can hardly be expected to foot the bill for every foolhardy traveller. Do you mean to tell me

02:56Her Majesty's government is unwilling to stump up the reddies to send these poor unfortunates home?

03:01It's not in our brief, old boy. I'm shocked. Nay, disgusted. These two lads have pulled their

03:08weight for our fair nation. Financially, through crippling taxes and, in the older gents' case,

03:13bodily. Fighting for freedom and democracy when Britain faced her darkest hour. And now,

03:19when fate deals a crumpled card, you cannot extend a helping hand to us.

03:23Them. Them. We do have our guidelines. What you have, my man, is art of stone. I shall be banging

03:30off a very strong letter to the Foreign Office. Sorry to be of so little help. Yeah, thanks.

03:36And I think you should warn your mates that the Australian authorities take a very dim view of

03:42any overseas visitor who violates the conditions of his visa. How dim would that be? Arrest,

03:50deportation, and thereafter, persona non grata.

03:57It's graceful. Because we didn't go to the same school as him.

04:03Pretty indignantly of it. Deported from Australia. You haven't been yet. But we will be if the police

04:08catch up with us. It's an outrage. Nothing less. There was a time when being British counted for

04:12something. We looked after our own, the Pax Britannica. Now they're only prepared to send you

04:17home in a wooden box. Hey, what police? Yeah. Your land of open glory speech didn't mention us

04:23British doing a run from the hotel, didn't it? A temporary absence, Raymond. We will make full restitution.

04:32You got any change? Yeah, what for? It's ringing.

04:38Hello? Hello, Dave? Hello, Dave? Put the money in. Oh, yeah.

04:45Hello, Dave? Hello, Dave? Oh, hello, Ethel. It's the cleaner. Oh, no.

04:52Er, it's Arthur here, Ethel. How are you? Arthur? Yeah, I'm in Australia. Yeah, you're very nice,

05:00thank you. Yeah, very odd. No, Ray's with me. Get on with it, Arthur.

05:05And, Ethel, is Dave there? Ah. Oh, all right, then never mind. Bye-bye.

05:13What are you doing? Why didn't you leave him a message? I couldn't. I could never face her again.

05:17She admires me. But you just wasted eight dollars. It let me in there.

05:22I'm not interested in the others. Just the English bloke. Arthur Daly?

05:26So I need to believe. Do you think you registered under that name?

05:30Oh, yes. He'd be too clever not to. And the so-called nephew. Masterstroke bringing him along.

05:37I think we'd better find out a bit more about her, Mr. Daly. Like who he is. And how long

05:42he's been in Australia.

05:44The point is, Ethel, I need to speak to Dave. Urgent.

05:48He's what? But when's he coming back, then?

05:53Nah. Nah, never mind. Nah, no message.

05:59He's closed the club up and he's gone off driving around the south of England. I mean,

06:02what the hell's he playing at? Oh, he's gone looking for a country pub. He's what?

06:06Yeah, I said we might buy one when I get back. Well, why didn't you say so before we stuffed

06:0916

06:10dollars into the phone? I didn't think he took me literally. You're awful. Well,

06:14aren't he, except the reverse charge phone call? No. Well, what do you reckon? No.

06:18Her indoors didn't want to be in the house on her own. She's gone up to Norfolk,

06:21stay with her sister. Well, you got her number there? No, no. It's a caravanette.

06:24I ain't got a phone. So we're stranded and it's cost us 16 dollars to find out.

06:29Hey, we'll have to phone your mum. Oh, no way, Arthur. They've bowed me out enough times.

06:35And you're supposed to be keeping me out of trouble, not dropping me in it.

06:38This is down to us, Arthur. Ray. What? I'm hungry.

06:48So that's it. We're up the effluent billabong. It's not looking great, but

06:54your capacity for understatement is very irritating.

06:57We are going to have to find some work. Work?

07:00Finish your toast. I lost me appetite. You might regret that in a few days' time.

07:08Um, what are you doing? Get another cup of tea.

07:13No way, Arthur. This is a tight budget. I always have two teas with breakfast. Look, if we're going to

07:17pay back the

07:18hotel and raise the cash for the air tickets, we've got to watch every penny.

07:21So I've got 28 dollars, 45 cents. Turn out your pockets.

07:25You're mine. Come on.

07:42Is that it?

07:51You won't be needing these, then, Arthur.

07:53Why?

07:54Because there's nothing in the budget for cigars.

08:04Okay, so it's not the Ritz.

08:05This is for students. I can't stay here.

08:08It's dirt cheap.

08:09I'm not surprised.

08:12In! In!

08:18Of course, I wouldn't be able to discuss, I guess, business, you understand, but you want my opinion.

08:22Oh, we do.

08:24He's into something big.

08:26Very big.

08:27Yeah?

08:29Heavy tipper, too.

08:36Of course, to a man like Mr. Daly, that'd be a small change.

08:41Champagne in his suite every day, and French.

08:44Nothing but the best for Mr. Daly.

08:52Yeah?

08:53We'd like a booking for the night.

08:55Singles or double?

08:57A double, please.

08:58He's my nephew.

09:00Sure.

09:02Nine dollars each.

09:04No cooking in the rooms, vacate by nine in the morning, no pets.

09:08If you let us have the key, I'd like to freshen up.

09:10The rooms don't open till nine in the evening.

09:12What are we supposed to do till then?

09:14The reproduction process for the largest of all the marsupials is by far the most fascinating.

09:21The red kangaroo.

09:22Big red has a secret.

09:24Kipping the lock-up rather than this.

09:26Well, you can't.

09:27This is the best you're going to get.

09:29Yeah, I might have guessed.

09:30There's always a caterpillar in the salad.

09:34I'm going to shoot out for a while.

09:35Look for a jewel.

09:36I'd better come with you.

09:37No, there's no need.

09:40There's some very unsavoury types about.

09:41I don't watch my back.

09:43They'll be out with the cosh and away with me wallet.

09:44I'd be sorely disappointed for it.

09:46No, no, no, Ray.

09:47When humanity sinks to its lowest, they'll have the fillings out of your teeth.

09:50We'll stick together.

09:53Safety in numbers.

10:10You are looking at a lad who's got a city and guild in domestic science from the Wilson College of

10:16Cookery and Catering.

10:16He can knock you out of Berth Borghignon quicker than you can say Taratama Lata.

10:20Isn't that right, Ray?

10:21Yeah.

10:22Cooked burger before?

10:28Have you?

10:30English, huh?

10:33Okay.

10:37How much an hour?

10:39Five, ten, six, eight, seven.

10:42Done.

10:43The thing I have been.

10:45That one.

10:46Not exactly a comprehensive dossier, is it?

10:49What he drinks, what he smokes.

10:51How he likes his soul off the bone.

10:53That's all we could get.

10:54He's very elusive.

10:56So it seems.

10:57You'd better go and issue a polite invitation.

11:01Leave it till this afternoon, though.

11:03It's probably lunching at the yacht club.

11:05Five burgers.

11:06Peter's docking it out me wages, you know.

11:08And the hot dog you didn't finish.

11:09I meant to talk to you about that.

11:11It's a bit rubbery.

11:13Perhaps you should leave them in a bit longer.

11:15I'll bear it in mind.

11:19What are you doing?

11:32Two-thirty, mate.

11:42Ray.

11:43What?

11:44A little freshener.

11:57What are you doing?

11:58Working out how long it's going to take us to get out of this benighted country.

12:02And?

12:02By my reckoning, 17 months.

12:04You're going to have to get another job.

12:05Yeah, I've worked my fingers to the bone already, Arthur.

12:08I'm completely knackered in case you ain't noticed.

12:10Hi, Maria, mate.

12:12Yeah.

12:14Good evening, sir.

12:15Could I just take a minute of your time?

12:17I've got the end of a line of stock my company has been selling,

12:20which I can let you have really cheap.

12:22Only five bucks.

12:24Now, if you'd like to take a look.

12:25Excuse me, my dear.

12:26Give up now.

12:28Sorry?

12:28You're never going to shift that rubbish.

12:31Aren't I?

12:32Yeah.

12:32You're making all the elementary errors.

12:35What do you mean, rubbish?

12:36Well, the quality is immaterial.

12:37It's your technique.

12:38You could whip out the crown jewels and I still wouldn't buy it.

12:41Why not?

12:43One, never ask for a minute of my time.

12:45It beggars the answer.

12:47No.

12:48Two, never describe it as the end of a line.

12:51Makes me think it'd be out of fashion before I got it home.

12:53How should I describe it?

12:55Well, if you're gears as iffy as I suspect, the less said the better.

12:58Three, the word cheap.

13:00A person's character is reflected in the price they pay for their accoutrements.

13:04No one likes to be thought of as in the cheap category.

13:07Oh, how do they like to be thought of?

13:09Shrewd.

13:10Tasteful.

13:12Eye for a bargain.

13:13This man annoying you, miss?

13:15Can I take that for a minute?

13:19And a bag.

13:22Evening, gents.

13:23I enjoyed your drink, Syho?

13:25Yeah.

13:26Fine, thanks.

13:26Just all phone for the wife?

13:28Worst luck.

13:29Oh, well, I understand.

13:30Been signed on myself for 35 years come spring.

13:32Do you know that guy?

13:33Well, good on you.

13:33Yeah.

13:34He's family.

13:35Just when the conversation's flowing and the beer's going down nicely,

13:38a still small voice says in your ear, time to go home.

13:42You said it.

13:43But for a modest investment, you could be sitting here till chucking out time,

13:46safe in the knowledge of a warm welcome when you return.

13:49Take a seat.

13:50No, we're on our way.

13:51No, no, no, no, no.

13:52Picture this, picture this.

13:53It's 11.30.

13:55You've had an enjoyable session with the boys.

13:57You go up the driveway, key in the door.

13:59What's your mistake?

14:00Being weightless.

14:01Wrong.

14:01In my experience, your alcohol content is neither here nor there.

14:05Your problem is you're empty-handed.

14:08Now, I am to be market testing a brand new product,

14:12which is all set to be the biggest seller of the coming year.

14:14And what is more, I can let you have it for a factory price.

14:17What is it?

14:18A very good question.

14:19This is a high-tech, auto-lighting, miniature makeup kit come vanity case.

14:25With, um, oh, sporting a range of non-run colors for every complexion.

14:29Integral light for a little touch-up at the disco.

14:31All set in hard-wearing effect case, fashioned in the French style.

14:36How much?

14:37Call me foolish.

14:38I'm not asking 20.

14:39I'm not asking 18.

14:40You can have this for a poultry $15.

14:44Well, of course, if you all decided to have one,

14:45I'd consider that a wholesale deal and I'd knock them out for $10 a piece.

14:50What the hell?

14:51I'll have one.

14:52We'd get another drink in.

14:53You won't regret it, gentlemen.

14:56There we are.

14:58There we are.

14:59And there we are.

15:01Thank you very much.

15:02Thank you very much.

15:03Nice to do business with you.

15:05There you are, my dear.

15:07I'm prepared to impart further education in the daily technique,

15:10but only in return for the address of your supplier.

15:12Oh, I can introduce you to him.

15:14You two should get on.

15:15He's family.

15:17Ray, I mean, I've got to buy the bloke a drink.

15:19All right, but give me back where you don't spend.

15:22All right, all right.

15:24You're worse than her indoors.

15:35I'm sorry.

15:41Dad, this is Arthur.

15:45Arthur.

15:45How do you do?

15:46And this is Ray.

15:47Hi, Ray.

15:48Nice one.

15:48Well, you're the pom with the patter.

15:51Ruff as bags in here, mate, but the beer's cold.

15:53What'll he have?

15:53Uh, vodka and tonic for me and Ray'll have something light, won't you, Ray?

15:57Ray.

15:58Ray.

16:01Robin tells me you're in a bit of a spot.

16:03Life's been bowling you a few googly's.

16:05Oh, a little hiccup in our affairs, haven't we?

16:07Well, we've all been there, Arthur.

16:09I mean, I've put me hand to a lot of things in my time.

16:12Mind you, I've never done anything unless there was a quid in it,

16:14and usually a very good quid.

16:16But this bloody recession, mate, I mean, it's really hit people bad.

16:20This bloody ratbag, boom-bust economy, it's really driving every...

16:25Sorry, Arthur, that's just me.

16:27Well, let's, uh, let's hope it leads to a fruitful relationship.

16:31Um, your daughter tells me that you can lay your hands on assorted merchandise.

16:36Yeah, I mean, uh, they've got the odd box back at the unit, do you?

16:39What I'm specially interested in is anything electronical.

16:43I find a working man is a sucker for gadgets,

16:45especially when he's on the outside of a few pints.

16:48Yeah, I think I know the sort of stuff you're after.

16:52What do you have, then, kids?

16:54Oh, count us out, Dad. I'm taking Ray on a trip around the hall.

16:56Oh, Ray. What about your hot dogs?

16:58Well, there's no cricket a day, Arthur. I've got the afternoon off.

17:00Yeah, but shouldn't you be filling in with something temporary?

17:02Oh, give the lad a break, Arthur. All work and no play, you know.

17:06Don't you be late for that bar job?

17:08I'm not blaming them, you know. I mean, the pubs these days are bloody bedlam.

17:13I mean, what, uh...

17:15What sort of payout do you get on them things?

17:17Pokeys? Oh, bam, pretty good.

17:19You crack a jackpot with them, mate,

17:21it'll bury you in brass up to your kneecaps.

17:23Really?

17:23Why don't you give it a go?

17:24Try your luck.

17:26Yeah.

17:28Here, drill up.

17:30A schooner and a vodka tonic.

17:37And I'll have, uh, 20 on Maria Martin in the fifth one of those.

17:51Maria Martin?

17:52Arthur Daly.

17:53Very funny.

17:55Here you go, Arthur.

17:57Oh, so, we, uh, we have a different system at Winchester.

18:03I'll tell you what I've got that might interest you, Arthur.

18:05Solar-powered FM radios.

18:08Beautiful things with their own headphones, made right here in God's own.

18:11What's wrong with them?

18:13They're solar-powered, Arthur.

18:15But you have to be pretty close to the bloody sun to get them going,

18:18you know what I mean?

18:19What is the pre-retail price of these astronaut specials?

18:22Ten bucks a piece.

18:24Oh, um, miss, I gave you a $20 note.

18:27Not till I weighed in.

18:31I'll, um, I'll take two on trial.

18:34Two? The thing's that bad.

18:36No, no, no, no, no, but there's, um, product testing, market evaluation,

18:41promotional research, you can't be too careful.

18:45Had a bit of inside information, eh, Des?

18:47How's that, love?

18:48Maria Martin in at 25 to 1.

18:51You beauty.

18:52Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, look at this.

18:55Woo-hoo!

18:59How many of these radios do you say you've got?

19:04100% self-sufficient, ladies and gentlemen.

19:07No wires, no batteries, run by Mother Nature in the form of the sun.

19:10And it exhausts all power supply and ozone-friendly to boot.

19:12And how much are you asking for it, mate?

19:14$25.

19:15I'm my own worst enemy.

19:17Every component is guaranteed 100% Australian.

19:20Can you hear me, sir?

19:21Excuse me.

19:22Hello?

19:23Hello?

19:25There you are, ladies and gentlemen.

19:26The young man is completely engulfed in the music of Rivaldi to the exclusion of all other

19:31distracting noises.

19:32Such is the power of solar rad.

19:35Hello?

19:37Amazing.

19:38It was like being there, listening to a full orchestra, the French horns, the piccolos.

19:44I never knew you could get so much power out of a little box like that.

19:48I was really engulfed.

19:49Don't overdo it.

19:51I'll have one.

19:52I'll have one too.

19:53There you are, ladies and gentlemen.

19:54Another satisfying time.

19:55The perfect gift for the difficult relative.

19:57There we are, madam.

19:58Thank you very much.

19:59There we are.

20:00$25 change, madam.

20:02Thank you, sir.

20:02There we are.

20:06Oh, that's amazing, ain't it?

20:09That's big, all right.

20:11When was it built?

20:13I don't know.

20:17What's that over there?

20:20I don't know.

20:22Not a mind of information, you, ain't you?

20:26Hey.

20:29So what are you taking, mate?

20:31You're privileged.

20:32I'm taking you to my favourite place.

20:49You're falling asleep on me.

20:52I'm sorry.

20:54I just wouldn't believe what I've been through in the last few days.

21:03I think it's an author, is it?

21:06There can't be two of him in Australia.

21:11There you are, miles from anywhere, the football's nil-nil.

21:13Could go anybody's way.

21:14With this little gadget, you need never miss a goal.

21:17You could be way in the middle of the outback and still tune in to your own team's triumph.

21:21$25, sir, and you never need worry about buying batteries again.

21:25One for you, sir.

21:26Very wise.

21:27There we are, sir.

21:29$30, $5 change.

21:31Thank you, sir.

21:32You won't regret it.

21:32Half a...

21:33Right.

21:34Great spot, ain't it?

21:35Full of tourists.

21:37Just the place for flogging my new line.

21:39What's that?

21:40That, Raymond, is a solar-powered, frequently modulated, circulated, integrated pocket radio.

21:46With this in your possession, you can stay in constant touch with whatever occupies your leisure or work time.

21:51Be it finance, sport, music...

21:52Yeah, right, Arthur, I'm not one of your punters.

21:54Yeah, sorry.

21:55Just be careful, you don't get nicked for training without a licence.

21:58Nah, petty regulations, Ray.

21:59I mean, what is democracy about if it's not freedom to supply and demand?

22:04Your dad's just gone off and get me some more ammunition.

22:06A couple more days like this, Ray, we'll be able to walk into the region with our heads held high.

22:10Oh, excuse me, sir.

22:11I'll be, go on, send you a look.

22:12Excuse me, sir.

22:12Can I interest you in a solar-powered, frequently modulated, circulating, integrated pocket radio?

22:21Why don't we just post some of the money?

22:23No way, Arthur.

22:24I want me clothes better.

22:25Come on.

22:25Look, look, look, look.

22:26Go in quietly.

22:27Try and avoid any embarrassment.

22:33Good morning, Mr. Daly.

22:37G'day, Mr. Daly.

22:40Mr. Daly.

22:41Good day, Mr. Daly.

22:42How are you going?

22:43Hello, Mr. Daly.

22:44Hello, Mr. Daly.

22:46Morning, Mr. Daly.

22:49Ray, this is carnage.

22:52Good day, Mr. Daly.

22:53Mr. Daly.

22:54Would you like the bill, please?

22:55Mr. Daly's account, please.

22:58Did you have a good trip?

23:00Yeah, yeah.

23:02Oh, very good.

23:07Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:10Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:11Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:13Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:14Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:18Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:19Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:20Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:21Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:22Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:23Thank you, Mr. Daly.

23:33thank you there we are how will you be paid

23:42ah that is something i'll have to discuss with my assistant

23:52that bill was the biggest load of fiction since gone with the wind

23:54i know for a fact i never ordered an outback picnic i don't eat boiled eggs

24:00i certainly haven't watched any adult videos

24:04yeah don't look at me i can't believe they didn't know we could

24:08they must have thought we was on safari at air's rock or something they still think we're away

24:13i'm being charged for a luxury suite with harbour view and room service

24:16while i'm living on kangaroo kebabs and bunking down with hippies and cockroaches every night

24:20it's not looking good look i've told you before about this understate listen i'm late for my shift

24:25you better not go back past the hotel we can't show our face here till we're paid

24:29i'll catch you later

24:30all right

24:39ray ray

24:45oh my god

24:46mr daly i wonder whether you'd be free for a meeting with mr reed

25:09mr daly

25:10i don't have a sweet tooth myself

25:18arthur

25:19arthur eh

25:20nice touch

25:20very quaint

25:22sort of too late now

25:24sandwich

25:28lamington

25:32what do you mean too late

25:34we both tried to get our hands on the porch and we both missed out

25:36we have a lot in common

25:38ah but you trod the path of subterfuge mr reed not me

25:42i've got ancestral roots in the outback the dailies have been here ever since great uncle

25:47josh spotted the chance of an earner in the gold rush and packed his pick and shovel

25:51you know you really are very good at it

25:54if only we've been partners before

25:56before what

25:57before now

25:58well just what i need in england

26:01someone with money

26:02contacts

26:04someone who can handle my kind of merchandise

26:06well i do have an awesome reputation for my europe wide network yes

26:10what um

26:12what sort of merchandise do you have in mind

26:15you really have to ask

26:29hi

26:30hey

26:30i thought you might need cooling down

26:32it's crazy and i must have cooked a thousand head of cattle just to pay the rent

26:36oh

26:37wish we had more room you could move in with us

26:38yeah that's a nice thought

26:40are we still on for a night

26:42if you can stay awake

26:44what's your dad and arthur doing

26:46don't know

26:47arthur hasn't come back yet

26:50er when exactly would you deliver this merchandise

26:54it'll be a personal collection of course

26:56don't want to take unnecessary risks

26:58oh absolutely

26:58that's the way we do it at home

26:59then you can beat some of my associates

27:01swap a few yarns perhaps

27:03they mostly speak pretty good english

27:05i look forward to that with anticipation

27:08ross will drop you back into your hotel

27:10well

27:10the reason does not

27:11ah

27:12ah

27:13ah

27:14ah

27:15ah

27:25ah

27:26ah

27:27ah

27:57Three dollars.

28:01Ray, let me in.

28:03Ray, where you been?

28:05Ray, we have got to get out of Australia.

28:08Cheers, Arthur. I would have never known that.

28:10No, no, no. You don't understand.

28:12Oh, what are you cooking them in?

28:13Go on, the fat. You couldn't stop eating them yesterday.

28:16I've had afternoon tea.

28:17You what?

28:18With sandwiches.

28:19No, no, no, no. I haven't spent anything.

28:21You haven't been down to Salvation Army, have you?

28:23No, I have not.

28:24No.

28:25Thanks to you abandoning your sworn duty as a minder

28:28for a career in the salmonella industry,

28:30I have been well and truly hijacked.

28:32Who by?

28:32That Mr. Reid.

28:34Salvation is not the word that springs to mind, Ray.

28:38I'm doomed.

28:41So he picked you up, took you to his mansion,

28:43gave you tea and sandwiches.

28:45Yeah, little coconut cakes called lemmings.

28:47Yeah, all right, Arthur.

28:48Then he offered you a partnership and drove you back to the...

28:50Ray, please don't remind me of it.

28:52Maybe it's his way of apologising to you, Arthur.

28:56You know, for all the trouble he's caused you, mate.

28:59I don't think you realise the enormity, Derek.

29:01This man is the Al Capone of the cream tea,

29:03and he thinks I'm the UK equivalent.

29:05If he has his way,

29:07I'll be going through customs carrying more chemicals than ICI.

29:11But there's only one thing for it.

29:13You need to get out of Australia, mate.

29:15Look, what we need is something we can sell for bigger money.

29:18We can pay for the hotel with a radio and hamburgers,

29:20but there's still the air tickets.

29:24Well, I do have a box of more expensive gadgets.

29:27They're personal organisers.

29:30200 bucks to throw,

29:31but they're beautiful little things and they work perfectly.

29:34But you haven't sold them.

29:36But they're not hot, are they?

29:37Ray, Ray, it's a very warm country.

29:40Sale or return, Derek?

29:48Is there anything like Cloud Park in London?

29:50Yeah, you could say that.

29:52Trees, grass, full of winos.

29:56I've always wanted to visit England.

29:58I'm planning to as soon as I can.

30:00Yeah?

30:00When you do, you know you can stay at my place.

30:08Do you have a girl back in England?

30:12I don't mind.

30:13I'm just curious.

30:13No, no, it's a good question.

30:15I'm just not really sure.

30:16Well, if you're not really sure,

30:17that usually means you're sure.

30:19Does it?

30:22I'm not sure.

30:31I'm going to kiss you now.

30:34No.

30:48No, Derek.

30:51No, Derek.

30:51Thanks, Arthur.

30:53No bugger in Australia is called Derek.

30:57Yes.

30:58Being out here has been good for me.

31:00It gives man a sense of perspective.

31:04I mean, here I am on the other side of the world and yet, how can I put it, what

31:14am I trying

31:15to say is, man is a pioneer, buffeted by the winds of fate.

31:23Very well put, Arthur.

31:26Buffeted.

31:27Me and Ray come to this flower-flung corner of the Commonwealth.

31:32Well, I mean, let's face it, they couldn't have flung it much further, couldn't they?

31:37And we had a setback.

31:40Things become a bit grim.

31:41Grim, yes, Arthur.

31:43But with hard work and inspiration, we will win through.

31:50That is what I mean by a pioneer, Derek.

31:54There's, there's, there's.

31:57Arthur, Arthur.

32:01What is this, Arthur?

32:08What, what is that, do you think?

32:11Go on.

32:12Yes.

32:13It's a pioneer.

32:21Right, Desi, get the food off your face, take the two-pot screamer, and get yourselves

32:26home.

32:29Well, Arthur, we shall leave this place and go to a bar around the corner where they don't

32:37mind a couple of pioneers having a drink and a laugh.

32:56I bet it's a bloody shelly.

32:58Come on, get off the road, you bloody old woman!

33:03Arthur, it's the coppers.

33:05He's got a gun.

33:06Of course he's got a gun, Arthur.

33:07You can't expect them to stop bank robbers by pulling out their personality, can you?

33:13Having some sort of problem, fella?

33:15Problem?

33:16Officer, yes.

33:17Well, the problem was you driving like a cocky in a cage.

33:21I was unable to, to...

33:23I have reason to believe you've been drinking this afternoon, sir.

33:26He has reason to believe.

33:29We've been ten out of ten, Sherlock.

33:31Step out of the car, please, gentlemen.

33:34Yes, of course.

33:36Ray.

33:38Ray, it's me.

33:39Open up.

33:43Ray.

33:46Raymond.

33:49Where you been?

33:51We're in crisis, Ray.

33:52The police know where I am.

33:54Derek and me got pulled by the old Bill.

33:56What you been up in that hour?

33:58Look, if you've got any questions, put them in writing.

34:00I ain't got time.

34:00The police know where we are.

34:02We've got to get out of Australia.

34:03We've been through all that.

34:05We can't.

34:05Why not?

34:06The hotel.

34:07We haven't paid the bill, remember?

34:08The police will be waiting at a check-in.

34:10They won't have to.

34:11They know we're here.

34:14What are you doing?

34:15What does it look like?

34:16Another runner.

34:34Another runner.

34:35There's Derek.

34:37There's Derek.

34:37Oh, oh, Des.

34:38Yeah.

34:39Oh.

34:41What happened?

34:42If you don't know, don't ask.

34:44I just hope you're in a fit state to earn some real cash.

34:48Consider it done, Ray.

34:50What's that expression there, have you?

34:51No worries.

34:55Not a nibble.

34:56We've hit all our best pitches and they just don't want to know.

34:59Well, I hate to say this, Arthur, but you know this theory of yours about studying the

35:03punter's psychology?

35:04It has never been known to fail.

35:07Well, I think you may have misread the Australian character, mate.

35:10In what way?

35:12Well, the average Sydneysider doesn't like organisation.

35:15You know, everything in its place and all that.

35:17He likes a bit of chaos.

35:19A bit of devil may care, take me as I am.

35:22I may be sweaty, but my undies are clean.

35:25You know what I mean?

35:25We're frontiersmen, Arthur.

35:27I mean, you can't carve a city like Sydney out of the bush and be worrying about your

35:32mother-in-law's birthday at the same time.

35:35Why did you not make these thoughts known at the time of purchase?

35:39Well, you were on a roll, mate, and I thought it best just to let you keep going.

35:43So, in your assessment, I am holding stock that will be about as popular as a nut cutlet

35:50at a cannibal's feast.

35:51Well, I don't want to put too fine a point to it, Arthur.

35:53They're not moving, are they?

35:59I think there's only one thing for it, the rice-lip rush.

36:03It was a sales technique very much in vogue during the war with a lot of American airmen

36:08in the area.

36:08They called it the hard sell.

36:10Watch.

36:15Top of the morning to you, squire.

36:17Please don't take this amiss, but would I be right in thinking you are a man who takes

36:22great pride in his appearance?

36:24I guess so.

36:25And who likes to be organised.

36:27Likes everything handy, ready when wanted.

36:29I like to be methodical, yeah.

36:30Methodical, that's a good word.

36:32Like organised.

36:33I have something here that could affect a mini-revolution in your life.

36:38Gone are all those losable address books with names and numbers, or even worse, little bits

36:42of paper with numbers and no names.

36:44Have you ever done that?

36:45Praise on your mind for days.

36:46You ring it up, it's the butcher.

36:47You haven't paid your bill.

36:48You wish you'd never called.

36:50I've seen them before.

36:51Oh, so you'll be familiar with the quality.

36:53The Rolls-Royce of chip technology.

36:55They're top quality, all right.

36:58Mm-hmm.

37:12Let's get this straight.

37:13You thought you were due to inherit a fortune, so you get a one-way ticket out here, the

37:18deal falls through, and suddenly you're up the creek without a paddle.

37:21That's the gist of it.

37:22Then you turn your hand to selling stolen goods.

37:24Objection.

37:25I was not aware that these goods were not bona fide.

37:28Tell it to the bench, Mr. Daly.

37:29I've been pilloried here for doing a decent thing.

37:32Instead of throwing myself at the mercy of the state, as any lesser man might have done,

37:35I used my innate abilities and created my own little owner.

37:39I mean, what's reprehensible about that?

37:40It's against the law.

37:42No, the law is an ass.

37:43For discouraging self-sufficiency.

37:46You've been trading without a licence, you've only got a tourist visa, and you've received

37:49stolen goods.

37:50Technicality.

37:51And, more importantly, you've become involved with someone we've now got under day and night

37:55observation.

37:56Oh, come on, that's a bit much.

37:57I mean, Derek was only just over the limit.

38:00I'm referring to a certain Mr. Reid.

38:05I expect he's been delayed.

38:09You rung the hotel?

38:10Yes.

38:11What did they say?

38:12Apparently he's in and out.

38:14I'll have the boys go and collect him.

38:17We wouldn't want him to get lost.

38:19Look, the way I say it, we've got enough of the hotel now.

38:22It's just the ticket's home.

38:25Yes, the tickets.

38:29Look, you know how you say I'm not a mine of information?

38:32You make up for it in other ways.

38:36Well, there's something I could have told you before, but I didn't.

38:42Have you ever heard of international air careers?

38:45No.

38:46Mr. Daly, you're something of a headache for me.

38:49You're an extremely little fish caught in a net trawling for shark.

38:53Now, that net's going to close soon and you'd best be out of it.

38:57To get you convicted of these offences is going to take a lot of time and paperwork.

39:01And, quite frankly, I'm not sure I want to waste my energies.

39:04I'm glad you've seen Reid.

39:06Sit down.

39:09There are two things in your favour.

39:12One, we've managed to track down Billy McCabe and Darwin and he confirms your story.

39:16The other is that we don't want your kind of people in our fair city.

39:20What do you mean, my kind of people?

39:21How dare you?

39:22We were here first.

39:23Provided you're out of Australia in 48 hours, I consider the matter closed.

39:27But...

39:27And since you're not being charged, I'll see you taken back to your hotel.

39:31Oh, my God.

39:37Oh, my God.

40:00Oh, my God.

40:07Oh, my God.

40:08Oh, my God.

40:20Oh, my God.

40:21Dale, he's a grass.

40:23Ross threw in with the police not five minutes ago.

40:26I'll deal with him.

40:28This meeting's over.

40:32i think i managed to lose them but i can't take much more of this neither can i harper can't

40:38you

40:38ever stay out of trouble i have stayed out of it i'm not in prison i'm not taking delivery of

40:44illicit substances and i'm not taking tea with mr reed's social set talking about the good old

40:48days in sunny palermo look all you have to do is get me out of australia within the next 48

40:53hours

40:54is that so much to ask well leave it to robin and me

41:03okay keep johnson on his tail when he goes to ground grab him and don't take no for an answer

41:27how come you know about this oh i just knew

41:36we actually have a pool of people we use and we're booked up pretty solidly

41:42then for urgent short notice flights we use people off our long-term waiting list

41:46whoever's available free to travel if you're not on the list

41:51well thanks anyway come on try collins what your long-term wait list try collins r miss

42:02fine you're high on the list free to travel first thing tomorrow sure have you got two places

42:08always doing the best for a pretty girl two to london i'll need to see your passports

42:14you'll be met by one of our people at heathrow okay

42:18okay okay uh you need to change the names daily a and daily r

42:22oh congratulations

42:25i'm not going oh

42:28okay uh well of course i'll have to put your name back on the bottom of the list

42:32no robin wait a minute yeah that's right if you would collins r miss

42:36you can't do this

42:38i just did

42:53search him might be why

43:01hey

43:09that is not a bug that is a securely modulated solar frequency nothing but a cheap radio

43:15exactly

43:17i misjudged you i thought you were one of us

43:21if you want to stay alive you better tell us exactly who you really are

43:29arthur daly british citizen and international entrepreneur

43:42ray

43:44what's the matter

43:46it just feels like you've gone already

43:48this time tomorrow you'll be on the other side of the world

43:52i just wanted to say

43:58you know i know me too

44:08i suppose i'd rather have you safe in england than in trouble here

44:12i'll never forget what you did

44:22dad

44:23oh

44:24oh

44:35oh

44:36oh

44:56Arthur, what did he do to you?

44:57He didn't give me another cup of tea and a sandwich.

44:59Gave me 24 hours to get out of Australia if I don't want my legs broken.

45:03At least he didn't take me back to the hotel.

45:05It wouldn't have mattered if he had.

45:06Why not?

45:07I've paid.

45:35What did I do with this?

45:37Put it on your lap and don't let it out of your sight.

45:46There you go, sir.

45:47Boarding pass and boarding through gate 21.

45:4921, yeah?

45:50Sweet.

45:51Gate 21.

45:51Final call for a many passengers with air India on AI 101.

45:55He's here to gate 29.

45:57Well, Arthur, mate, it was some adventure, but I wouldn't have missed it for quits.

46:01No, it's been an education, Derek.

46:03Certainly not as advertised in the Sunday glosses back home.

46:06I, uh, got a little something for you to remember us by.

46:10Oh, you shouldn't have.

46:13Oh, just what I'd have chosen myself.

46:17Snow.

46:27I'm going to miss you, Raymond Daly.

46:39Me too.

47:11How soon do the drinks come round, Ray?

47:13I'm gasping for a VAT.

47:15We can't afford any, Arthur.

47:16We're skin.

47:17Yeah, but I mean, it's one long happy hour up here, isn't it?

47:20Free booze as much as you like.

47:21Not on this end, it's not.

47:23Soft drinks only.

47:24Well, you've not got to sit strapped in here for the next 24 hours trying to get oblivious on pineapple

47:29juice.

47:30And it'll make the first one at the Winchester taste all the nicer.

47:33Oh, my God, the Winchester.

47:35What did you say to Dave when you phoned?

47:37Not much.

47:38Just said he could forget about the welcome home party.

47:40Shows we think alike as a family, Ray.

47:43Because that is exactly what her indoors said to me.

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