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- #realitycentralusa
Full Frontal (1993) Season 5 Episode 7
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#RealityCentralUSA
"If you enjoyed this video and want to support our team by helping us fund our late-night coffee needs, please donate via PayPal! ☕️
A small act – a big impact. Thank you all so much! ❤️"
Donate at: [https://www.paypal.me/ngaxo]
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FunTranscript
00:05This video is brought to you by R.I.P.
00:41Coming up on Neighbours,
00:44Toadie makes a shocking discovery.
00:46Ruth, we're just going to have one end of the street
00:48been bluffed off.
00:49What are we going to do?
00:51Nothing.
00:52We live in a court, you dickhead.
00:56Neighbours, it's still a really good programme.
00:58We're not just producing it because the Brits
01:00like making fun of our accents.
01:02Honestly.
01:05Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
01:07And so Lord we...
01:11OK, where's the patient?
01:13The Victorian Ambulance Service.
01:15Getting on with the job.
01:17Eventually.
01:24It's a harsh fact of life.
01:26Every year in Australia,
01:28thousands of children are born with a tragic disability.
01:31They are born clumsy.
01:33But now, thanks to a generous inheritance
01:35left by Sir David Foley,
01:37himself a victim who tragically suffocated
01:39after getting his head stuck in a trombone,
01:41a special school has been established.
01:46What are the children like when they first come to you?
01:49Oh, tragic.
01:50Always tripping over things,
01:52spilling food on their clothes,
01:54walking into things.
01:54And what do you do?
01:57Well, first of all,
01:58we have a pretty good laugh.
02:02Then we start an extensive programme.
02:04We teach them basic coordination skills.
02:06Basically,
02:07how not to be a klutz.
02:09It must be expensive to run a school like this.
02:11We do get a lot of support.
02:13From the government?
02:14No, from Funniest Home Videos.
02:23What early warning signs
02:24should parents look for in their child?
02:26Well, there are a number of indications
02:27that a child may be suffering from CCS.
02:29CCS?
02:30Clumsy Child Syndrome.
02:32Telltale signs would be poor motor skills,
02:35RLG.
02:36RLG?
02:37Running like a girl.
02:45Alex is 14 years old.
02:47He's fallen down 150 flights of stairs
02:50into a dozen swimming pools
02:51and trodden in over 2,000 dog turds.
02:56Alex's parents, Gwen and Ron,
02:58were at first disturbed
02:59when they realised their child was clumsy.
03:01Well, it's not something that you like to admit to.
03:04We'd just pretend he wasn't clumsy at all
03:05and, you know,
03:06when he tripped over and that,
03:07we'd just blame it on the slippery floorboards.
03:09Even when he was playing football?
03:11Yeah.
03:11Yeah, and we'd just tell him
03:12he was like any other normal kid.
03:14That it's normal to get your dinkle
03:16caught in your zip,
03:17you know, 20 times a day?
03:18Well, like,
03:20it wasn't until the day we found him
03:21with his big tage hand up in Sinkerator
03:23that we had to admit
03:24there was a problem,
03:26that he was a CC.
03:27A clumsy child?
03:28No, no, no, a clumsy child.
03:33Today is a very special day
03:35for Alex and his parents.
03:36For today, Alex is to graduate.
03:38If he manages to negotiate
03:40this rigorous obstacle course,
03:42he'll be pronounced not clumsy
03:44and be free to mingle with normal children.
03:50Alex has no difficulty
03:52avoiding a low-level beam.
03:55He also decides to walk around the ladder
03:57and not under it.
03:58A real breakthrough.
04:00A tense moment
04:01as Alex treads warily
04:03around the banana peel minefield.
04:05One wrong step
04:06and he could end up
04:07looking like a real dickhead.
04:09Finally, Alex has to confront
04:11the traditional enemy
04:12of the clumsy child,
04:13the garden rake.
04:21And so, Alex is now free
04:24to live a normal,
04:25healthy and slapstick-free life
04:27thanks to the efforts
04:28of one extraordinary school.
04:38To Florida,
04:39now and long-distance swimmer
04:40Susie Maroney
04:41has recovered well
04:42from her world-record-breaking swim
04:44from Cuba to Florida.
04:45Our Channel 9 cameras
04:47were there to witness the event.
04:48The 22-year-old
04:49swam a marathon 200 kilometres
04:51and battled 15-knot winds
04:53in this,
04:53her second attempt on the title.
04:56Susie was allowed
04:57only one or two-minute food breaks
04:58during which time
04:59she was not allowed
05:00to touch the sides
05:01of a shark gauge.
05:02On arrival,
05:03Susie collapsed from exhaustion.
05:06Later, Susie spoke
05:06to our very own
05:07Mike Yossarian in Florida.
05:09Well, when I looked up
05:11and I saw the coastline,
05:12I was really relieved,
05:14I can tell you.
05:15Susie, what made this attempt
05:16better than your last one?
05:18Well, I'm here, aren't I?
05:20No, I guess it was
05:21the amount of training
05:22I put in this time.
05:23You actually increased
05:24your training program?
05:25Oh, definitely.
05:26I've been working really hard
05:27over the past few months.
05:29And Susie,
05:29what are your plans
05:30for the future?
05:32Right now,
05:33all I want to do
05:34is sleep.
05:39Welcome back.
05:41That's just about
05:41all we have for tonight.
05:43But before we go,
05:44let's check on
05:45your response
05:45to our stories
05:47with Constable
05:48Julie Grenfell.
05:50Julie,
05:51how have we gone
05:51with the kidnapping
05:52in Newcastle?
05:54Only ten calls there,
05:55Roger, so...
05:56Hmm.
05:57And the bank
05:59hurled up in Perth?
06:00Just six calls there,
06:01Roger.
06:02Right.
06:03And finally,
06:04the knife attack
06:05in Melbourne.
06:07No calls on that one,
06:08Roger.
06:09I see.
06:10That's a rather
06:12disappointing response,
06:13isn't it?
06:13Yes, it is very
06:14disappointing, Roger.
06:16So what can we do,
06:17Julie,
06:18to encourage viewers
06:18to come forward?
06:20Well, Roger,
06:21in regard to the knife attack
06:22in Melbourne,
06:23we'd like to announce
06:24that the first ten people
06:26who call with information
06:27regarding the attack,
06:28we will include
06:29this fabulous ab trimmer,
06:32absolutely free of charge.
06:34Well, that's a great offer.
06:35It certainly is, Roger.
06:37The ab trimmer represents
06:39over $60 worth of value,
06:41and it's great for turning up
06:42the abdominal muscles,
06:44which incidentally
06:45is where the Melbourne man
06:46was actually stabbed.
06:48Well, there you are.
06:49A great way to help police
06:51catch a dangerous criminal
06:52and get that washboard tummy
06:54where you all want
06:55so much.
06:57And, Roger,
06:58if people call
06:59within the next ten minutes
07:00with information
07:01regarding the armed hold-up
07:03in Perth,
07:03which actually leads
07:04to a conviction,
07:05we will include
07:06absolutely free
07:07this terrific thigh exerciser.
07:12It's a sensational offer.
07:14Ring now,
07:15and see you next week.
07:20How can you do it
07:21for the prize?
07:22Oh, they're hot.
07:23We nicked them.
07:28Please hurry.
07:31I'm on my way.
07:38Right, I need to know
07:42exactly what the party's had.
07:43Well, I've played a bit
07:44of Barry Manlow,
07:44but there's plenty
07:45of cucumber sandwiches.
07:46Well, let's hope
07:47we're not too late.
07:48OK, folks,
07:49give us some room.
07:52OK,
07:53give me 400 cans of BB,
07:551,500 litres of Jim Beam,
07:5720 cartons of cigarettes,
07:58some Colombian cocaine,
07:59some Mullumbimby madness.
08:01Let's face it,
08:01you'll need more
08:02than corn chips
08:03to get over Barry Manilow.
08:04Now, we'll give me
08:05some prostitutes as well.
08:15Coming up on Neighbours,
08:17Billy is faced
08:18with some big decisions.
08:21I've just heard
08:22they're closing down
08:23the coffee shop.
08:24What are us kids
08:25going to do?
08:26Billy,
08:27you could always go
08:28to the pub like normal people.
08:29You are 27 after all.
08:43Welcome to the program.
08:44The Middle East peace process
08:46has been lurching forward
08:47in fits and starts
08:48for the last 12 to 18 months.
08:50Israeli Prime Minister
08:51Benjamin Netanyahu
08:52was to have joined us tonight
08:54by satellite,
08:55but had to cancel
08:56just moments
08:56before we went to air.
08:57so instead I'm joined
08:59by Nobby Doldrums.
09:04Nobby,
09:05what a relevant crap
09:05have you got for us tonight.
09:08Howdy, Kerry!
09:15Oh, Kerry,
09:17have you,
09:17do you know a lot
09:18about genetic engineering
09:19and that?
09:20Yeah.
09:21Yeah.
09:21Well, Kerry,
09:22I have genetically
09:23altered myself.
09:27Yes,
09:27I somehow
09:29find myself
09:29believing that,
09:30yeah.
09:31Right, Kerry.
09:31Yeah.
09:32Oh, yeah,
09:33your appearance
09:33says to me
09:34genetic mutation,
09:35right?
09:36No, Kerry,
09:36no, no, no,
09:37I've always looked like this.
09:41Sorry,
09:41sorry.
09:42No, Kerry,
09:42what I have done
09:43is that I have genetically
09:44altered my behaviour.
09:45OK,
09:46well,
09:46well,
09:46please tell us
09:47how you've changed
09:48your behaviour.
09:49Yeah.
09:49You are looking today
09:51at the world's
09:52very first
09:54human goldfish.
10:07Yeah,
10:07get on your bike,
10:08go on.
10:08I'll finish it,
10:09I'll finish it.
10:13Yes,
10:13Nobby,
10:14this is the 7.30 report,
10:15it's not the bullshit hour,
10:16all right?
10:18Well, Kerry,
10:18if you're not buying
10:19the gills,
10:20Yeah.
10:22Catch a load
10:22of this,
10:23Kerry.
10:32Yep,
10:34yep,
10:36you've totally
10:36convinced me
10:37on that one,
10:38Nobby.
10:38Have I,
10:39Kerry?
10:39Yeah,
10:39yeah,
10:40all the way.
10:41Excellent.
10:41Yeah.
10:43You wouldn't get
10:44Benjamin Netanyahu
10:45on the show
10:45doing that,
10:46I guarantee it.
10:46No,
10:47no,
10:47absolutely not,
10:48no,
10:48that's terrific,
10:49Nobby,
10:49I feel like
10:50I should put you
10:51in a big plastic bag
10:52full of water
10:52after that.
10:54Damn you,
10:55Kerry!
10:58Oh,
10:58yeah.
11:01So,
11:02Nobby,
11:04human goldfish,
11:05eh?
11:06Yep,
11:06Kerry,
11:07the humanest,
11:08gaudiest,
11:09fishiest,
11:09mud.
11:11You know,
11:12you know,
11:12goldfish have only
11:13got a five-second
11:14memory,
11:15you know that,
11:15don't you,
11:16that's why they
11:16keep swimming
11:16around and around
11:17in their bowls
11:18so happily,
11:19because everything
11:20is new
11:20to a goldfish
11:21every five seconds.
11:25What was your
11:26name again?
11:26Yeah,
11:26Kerry over here,
11:28okay.
11:29Okay,
11:30Nobby doldrums,
11:30let's,
11:31let's test this
11:32theory out.
11:33Now,
11:34every time you
11:34say the word
11:35no,
11:36I'm going to
11:37hit you over
11:37the head
11:38with my cricket
11:38bat,
11:39just to check
11:40that you
11:40don't keep
11:41remembering,
11:41okay?
11:42Fair enough,
11:43I'm a man
11:44of science.
11:45Nobby,
11:45goldfish can't
11:46fly,
11:47can they?
11:47No.
11:48Ow!
11:51Three,
11:52four,
11:52five.
11:53Nobby,
11:54goldfish can't
11:55fly,
11:55can they?
11:58No.
12:04Nobby,
12:05tell me this,
12:06can goldfish
12:07fly?
12:36Nobby doldrums,
12:37but I hate
12:39you very,
12:40very much.
12:41Thanks,
12:41Kevin!
12:54Thank you!
12:59Have a wonderful time,
13:00Jennifer.
13:01I love you too,
13:02darling.
13:07My poor,
13:08trusting wife,
13:09Jennifer.
13:10Have a wonderful
13:11vacation in Florida,
13:12darling.
13:13Stacy and I will
13:14miss you terribly.
13:15Hello,
13:16Jack.
13:19I hope you're ready
13:20for the big weekend.
13:23Jack?
13:24Jack,
13:24are you there?
13:27Jennifer,
13:28shouldn't you
13:28be on the plane?
13:29Not since
13:30Cassie told me
13:31you were planning
13:31on having an affair
13:32while I was gone.
13:34No,
13:35I...
13:35Don't believe him,
13:36Jennifer.
13:38Cassie?
13:39Cassie.
13:40Cassie.
13:42Jack's been seeing
13:43Stacy for a year
13:44now behind your back.
13:45It's all become
13:46so,
13:46so clear.
13:47Take a look at this.
13:48Oh my God.
13:50Oh my God.
13:53Oh my God.
14:01Coming up next,
14:03a special SBS presentation.
14:05Here's a preview.
14:07They came from
14:08all over Australia.
14:10Hundreds of them.
14:10They were interviewed,
14:12photographed,
14:13subjected to
14:14fitness tests
14:14and psychological
14:15profiles.
14:16From more than
14:181,200 entrants,
14:19the field has been
14:20narrowed to just 50.
14:21Tonight,
14:22find out who will be
14:23crowned
14:231997
14:24Trading Post
14:25Bachelor of the Year.
14:29Hey,
14:30boy,
14:31I hear trash.
14:32I hear trash.
14:34I hear trash.
14:35I hear trash.
14:35Shut up!
14:37Hey, boy.
14:39Why are you trash?
14:40What would you say?
14:42Yuck.
14:42If I said I was cold
14:44Wearing grease and a bra
14:46In this open-top car
14:48What would you do?
14:50Yes.
14:50If I said I prefer
14:52Wearing sensible knits
14:54And I'm freezing my teeth
14:56I know I don't want to make
14:58a feeling
14:59Me too.
15:00Wearing something far less revealing
15:03I want to get dressed
15:05Yuck.
15:06Put some clothes on
15:07I want to wear
15:09What normal people wear
15:11I want to get dressed
15:13Please
15:15Me too.
15:16Me too.
15:16My nipples are so frozen
15:20Me too.
15:22Me too.
15:22Then you'll notice one thing
15:23This bikini I'm in
15:25Wouldn't cover up in
15:27The director told me
15:29Peace.
15:30It's artistic and cute
15:31But they always say that
15:33When they crack
15:34When they crack
15:35Me too.
15:36I'm such a famous performer
15:38Yuck.
15:40Yuck.
15:40Can I put on something
15:42That's warmer
15:42I want to get dressed
15:44Please too.
15:46Put some clothes on
15:47I want to wear
15:48What normal people wear
15:50I want to get dressed
15:52Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
16:06Yeah, well he didn't
16:07Too badly
16:08Considered he was carried off
16:10In the second quarter
16:11With Tourette's in Rome
16:12Yeah, well crossing
16:13To the sheds now
16:13And once again
16:15Filling in for Dipper tonight
16:16Who's at home suffering
16:17The effects of a mild
16:18Dose of brain death
16:19Is art critic
16:21And documentary filmmaker
16:22Philip Quist
16:23And he speaks with
16:24One very happy
16:25Scott Farquhar
16:28Appalling
16:29Well, thank you very much Roscoe
16:31Scott, I am advised
16:32That this was in some
16:33Unfathomable way
16:34A crucial victory for you
16:35Yeah, that's right Phil
16:36But I guess
16:37Philip, Philip
16:39Philip, but I guess
16:40At this stage of the year
16:41Every game's important
16:44So...
16:45So what?
16:47Well, just this stage of the year
16:49Every game's important
16:50I see
16:51So when are the
16:52When are the unimportant games
16:53Played during the year?
16:56Well, there aren't
16:57Any unimportant games
16:58I see
16:59So it's a pointless distinction
17:00Well, thank you very much
17:01For wasting that 30 seconds
17:02Of my life
17:03Now, apparently
17:04Your bunch was in front
17:05By 60 points
17:06And then the other group
17:07Caught up with you
17:07What about her
17:08About this mind-boggling
17:09Turn of events?
17:10Yeah, well, you know
17:11We were right on top of them there
17:11In the third quarter
17:12And then, you know
17:13We literally had them
17:14In the palm of our hands
17:15I think you mean metaphorically
17:16Well, I might be wrong
17:20You know, perhaps, you know
17:21Did you in fact have
17:22Twenty-one athletes
17:24Perched there
17:24On your hand
17:26Is that
17:27Did you defy the laws of gravity
17:28In some way?
17:28No
17:29Oh, I see
17:30I see you didn't actually know
17:32The meaning of the word literally
17:33Did you?
17:35No
17:37Perhaps in future you might be well advised
17:39To just use the words that you know
17:44Arse wipe
17:45Arse wipe
17:45I know that one
17:47Sorry, what was that?
17:49Nothing
17:49Oh, but you said something
17:51Well, you were struck in the hit today
17:52By an opponent
17:54Good
17:56Now, do you think he should have been reported
17:58For such an outrageous indiscretion?
18:00No, no, it was nothing
18:01It was just a love tap
18:02It was nothing
18:02I actually gave him a clip around the ear
18:03Just to let him know I was around
18:04Clip around the ear
18:05What, is that a punch in the face, is it?
18:07Yeah
18:08Is that standard behaviour for you, is it?
18:11I mean, if you're hosting a barbecue
18:12Or at a party or something like that
18:13You're out the back
18:13Haven't seen the wife for a while
18:15You give her a punch in the face
18:16Just to let you know you're around
18:19Yeah
18:22Call me and ask why
18:24What?
18:25You heard
18:26Finally
18:28This was the third time I'm told that your team
18:30Has faded in the last stanza of a game
18:32How do you explain this bizarre
18:34And totally fascinating aspect of your play?
18:36Oh, look, I don't know
18:38I guess the guys have just got to realise
18:39That you've got to play four quarters of football
18:41Not two quarters, you know?
18:42Oh, they weren't aware of that before they played
18:43Is that right?
18:45Curious, you know
18:45I would have thought somebody would have actually told them the rules
18:46Perhaps you could actually put them on a piece of paper
18:48And then stick them up on the wall in the club room
18:49Can anybody in the club read?
18:51Look, I didn't mean it literally
18:53Oh, we didn't mean it literally
18:54Oh
18:56We've learnt something today, haven't we?
18:59Superb
18:59Excuse me
19:01Certainly
19:01Well there you have it, Scott Farquhar
19:03He's illiterate, he's violent
19:04And he's leading our Player of the Year award
19:06Back to you, Roscoe
19:11That's better
19:12Yeah
19:13Yeah
19:14That's good, that's good, yeah
19:16You don't think your dad will mind?
19:20What?
19:21About it being his car?
19:22Oh
19:23No
19:24About it being his showroom
19:31You've done that?
19:32Let's go, let's go
19:39Daryl?
19:40James Verrier, Seven Years
19:41James
19:42You right to go straight away?
19:43Yeah
19:44Okay then
19:44Well look, I'll just get you to describe what happened in your own words
19:46And we'll do my bits later
19:47Sure
19:48Yeah, okay good
19:49We all right fellas?
19:50Yeah
19:51Okay Daryl, in your own words
19:53Just tell us what happened here today
19:54Well I was over there fixing the fence
19:57And I looked up and I seen this spaceship
19:58And it's got this beam of blue light coming out of it
20:01And it focuses on one tree
20:03And then next thing I know
20:04The blue light disappears
20:05The tree disappears
20:06And the uh
20:07And the spaceship just
20:08You know, disappears completely
20:09And uh
20:10You know, it's just like something out of X-Files
20:13Okay, we're gonna cut it there fellas
20:15Alright
20:15That's fantastic mate
20:16Uh, just that last bit
20:18A bit about the X-Files
20:19So that's a Channel 10 show
20:21Um, you couldn't make it a Channel 7 show do you reckon?
20:26Yeah, uh, like what?
20:28Oh
20:33Okay, we're gonna go again
20:34Alright?
20:35Uh huh
20:35In your own time Daryl
20:36Okay
20:37Righto, so um
20:38I was over there fixing the fence
20:40And I looked up and seen this sort of spaceship thing
20:42And there was this uh
20:42Beam of blue light coming out of it
20:44And it was just focusing on one tree
20:45Next thing I know
20:46The beam of blue light's gone
20:47The tree's gone
20:48And the spaceship just disappears completely
20:50You know, it was um
20:52It was like something off um
20:54Wheel of Fortune
20:555.30 weeknights
20:58With Rob Elliott
21:05You know her breasts are fake
21:07Don't you?
21:08Pamela Anderson's breasts are fake
21:10Really?
21:10Yeah
21:10G'day, I'm Ruth McInooney
21:12And welcome to Talking Soaps
21:13The show where we cover all the big action in soap operas for the week
21:17And what a week it's been
21:18And joining me to talk about all the action is my regular guest
21:22You know her and love her from her role as Mrs. Parson
21:25To the annoying next door neighbour
21:26In TV's evergreen soapy Fallopian Avenue
21:29It's Jennifer Johnston
21:31How are you Jennifer?
21:32Hi, hi, I'm well
21:33Anyway, let's take a look at how they lined up this week
21:36Well this week in Days of Our Lives
21:38John will be lining up on Kristen
21:39Now Jennifer
21:40What is your opinion on that one?
21:42Well, I mean this is John's favourite position
21:45Although if I was a director
21:46I would have started him on Hope
21:48That darkly mysterious girl that's back from the dead
21:50And I've let you in on a little secret
21:52She is about to smash Bo's chances of happiness
21:55With that big lit girl from Melrose Place
21:58Smash
21:59You have ruined it for everyone
22:00Look, if the fans read this
22:02They know it anyway
22:03Alright, some fantastic passages of play last week
22:06Let's take a look at the highlights
22:10You bitch, Brooke
22:12Damn you, Reg
22:18I could never love you now, Reg
22:24I never did love you, Brooke
22:26Well, what do you think?
22:28Oh, it's definitely contender for slap of the month
22:31Oh, that's a big call, so let's take another look
22:35Oh, magnificent action
22:37Oh, magnificent action
22:38Oh, that's beautiful to watch
22:40Champagne slapping
22:41That's wonderful
22:42Now it's interesting to note
22:43How similar that passage of play was
22:46To the 1992 season finale
22:48Of the Brazilian soapy
22:49Casa do Putani
22:51Pepper Puttanesca Maria
22:54This bastard guacamole, Gonzalo
23:00Come in Miranda Macarena, Adriana
23:05Hold the barina concertina, Adriana
23:09Coming up on Neighbours
23:11Will Toadie cope with Ruth's departure?
23:14Ruth!
23:15What word are you leaving?
23:17Yeah, I'm going to the milk bath
23:20Neighbours, celebrating 500 million episodes
23:22And still just as good as ever
23:49Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
23:53Graduate name
23:54Well, hello, I'm Ian Goodings, arguably the best newsreader in the state,
23:58not to be nominated for the best newsreader in the state, Logie.
24:01How they fail to even nominate me, you may well ask.
24:04But be that as it will, it's time for the news, so sit back, relax and enjoy the body count.
24:09And ahead in tonight's news, confusion as a stationary shop looks set to be moved.
24:18A tobacco company executive rolls his own car.
24:23And the man police call repeatedly changes his telephone number.
24:29But first, a different camera.
24:33Well, are we alone? Is there anybody out there?
24:37Victorian police were today inundated with calls from agitated local residents,
24:41claiming they had seen an ambulance.
24:46Police dismissed the claims and said the flashing lights were more likely to belong to a UFO.
24:53Well, police today arrested a London butcher for indecent behaviour involving 19-year-old English channel swimmer, Rachel Stevens.
25:00In his defence, the butcher said he thought it would be good for business if he got to rub his
25:04fat all over her.
25:13Well, you could be forgiven if you went to confession today.
25:19Well, the world's most absent-minded man, Terry Draper,
25:22who in his long life has either mislaid or neglected to take with him over 1,007 personal items,
25:29died today aged 82.
25:30He leaves behind a wife and two children.
25:34Typical.
25:36Well, for many Australians, the federal budget has been a bitter pill to swallow.
25:40But the government hasn't forgotten those people.
25:42By increasing pharmaceutical costs, the bitter pill is now completely unaffordable.
25:49Well, a cowardly attack on a taxi driver in the city last night has angered police.
25:54Joining me now is Sergeant Leonard Spurge and Constable Roy Farch.
25:58Ossifers, tell us exactly what happened last night.
26:01Yes, thank you, Ian.
26:02Approximately 1am this morning,
26:04a taxi driver was stabbed in the arm and then had his takings taken.
26:09Is that right? Doesn't sound right.
26:10No, it doesn't sound right.
26:11It's like an hysterical woman. It doesn't sound right.
26:13The horrible thing about this cowardly attack is they didn't even give the taxi driver a chance to hand over
26:19his takings first.
26:20Right. Well, that is the point.
26:21Yeah.
26:21So, what is your message to the public tonight?
26:24Well, we want to make it perfectly clear, Ian, that in an attack of this nature,
26:28you mustn't stab the taxi driver until after you've asked for his money.
26:34Right. So, you can't do it the other way round?
26:37No, no, no. You've got to give the taxi driver a chance to hand over his money first.
26:40Yeah. After that, when you've asked him, stab away to your heart's contender.
26:43Oh, yeah.
26:44That's all right.
26:45Right. Do you have to stab him or can you just take the money and run?
26:48Oh, well, I suppose you could do that, but what fun would that be, eh?
26:54Pretty dull, well, that'd be if everybody did that.
26:57Right. Well, what if you don't need any money? Can you just stab him anywhere?
27:02Well, if you don't actually want the money, then the stabbing would be more like an act of charity,
27:06and that's really not a police matter. That's more Dr. Barnardo's or Salvation Army.
27:09Yeah, Mother Teresa.
27:10Yeah, Mother Teresa.
27:11So, you're saying you want the taxi drivers stabbed after their money's been taken?
27:14Yes.
27:15Well, surely if you've got his money, there's no point in stabbing him.
27:18You'd prefer that the stabbing be totally senseless instead of having a purpose in aiding the theft of the money.
27:26Um, what do you think about that cheater? What are you doing?
27:29What? Please give me.
27:30No, no, he's got a 0055 dating service on there.
27:32He's got to give it to me.
27:34Stop.
27:35So what?
27:36Well, it's transvestite siders seeking partners.
27:38Ooh.
27:39Yes, well, thank you. Thank you very much both for coming in, and good luck finding the violent sicko you're
27:43looking for.
27:44You too.
27:45Yeah.
27:56Yes, well, that's it from the news set.
27:58Don't forget to be watching tomorrow night at 8.30 for the documentary of my pub crawl around the country.
28:03That's Ian Goodings all over the place tomorrow at 8.30.
28:07Until next week, good night.
28:10APPLAUSE
28:29Oh, man, this place is great.
28:34Oh, 100 bucks a night. This isn't bad.
28:36Hope we get some decent weather.
28:39Yeah, it'd be a good view from that window there in the morning.
28:42Yeah, yeah, I can't wait to go surfing.
28:44Everybody's gone surfing, surfing USA.
28:48Woo!
28:49Everybody's gone surfing, surfing USA.
28:54Woo!
28:55God, how many people are coming down here? We've got enough food to feed an army.
28:58I love this bread. Did we bring butter?
29:01You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not laugh, I'm telling you why.
29:07Guess what I've done? What's this?
29:09That's our lubricant.
29:11Oh, it's a dip I made.
29:14Mmm, what flavour?
29:15Eggplant.
29:16I am the eggplant.
29:18I am the eggplant.
29:20Coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo.
29:22Yeah, yeah.
29:22Coo-coo-coo-coo.
29:23I meant aubergine?
29:28Aubergine Genie lives in the fridge, yeah!
29:32Aubergine Genie looks likeaja-coo-coo-coo-coo.
29:35No.
29:35Yeah.
29:36Stop!
29:37In my name of life.
29:39Shut up!
29:41What's the matter you?
29:43Hey.
29:43What's the matter you?
29:44Hey, you've got to make a mistake.
29:47Hit me with your...
29:53Cricket bat.
29:54Hit me.
29:55Hit me.
29:57I don't like cricket.
30:03You know, when I shut up, welcome to me 21st.
30:12I'd like to thank you all for the prezies,
30:15and especially I'd like to thank Uncle Barry
30:17for the Brass's gift voucher.
30:20Another 20 bucks and I could buy a CD.
30:24Yeah, anyway, I think me dad wants to say a few words.
30:28Come on, you dad.
30:29Yes, sir.
30:30Thank you, Geoffrey.
30:32Thank you very much.
30:32I don't quite know where to begin.
30:34I'm a bit jumpy.
30:36Bit nervous.
30:38Waiting for a bit of quiet.
30:40Waiting for a bit of quiet.
30:42Champing at the bit.
30:43And I'm off.
30:44I'll never forget the night Geoffrey was consummated.
30:46I'd taken his mother down by the lake in the old FJ.
30:49If it had been raining, things were looking pretty cold.
30:51Could have been a lake scratching,
30:52but suddenly her barriers were down,
30:53my trousers were off, and we were racing.
30:56We were off down the straight.
30:57The track was wet.
30:57The going was heavy.
30:58It was feeling more like a steeple chase.
31:00And suddenly it was over before it began.
31:02And quicker than I could say,
31:03take me to the knackery.
31:04Mother Geoffrey was born.
31:05He was a good baby.
31:07Never gave his mother any trouble.
31:08Never any trouble at all.
31:09But then he turned the corner.
31:11And quicker than I could say,
31:12show us your betting ring.
31:13He was out to study himself.
31:14And on the inside was Heather.
31:16She was a lovely girl,
31:17but then suddenly he was neck and neck with Janine.
31:19Janine, head to head, then Heather.
31:21Janine, Heather.
31:21And then on the outside it's Rodney.
31:23Rodney.
31:24And the relatives are looking worried.
31:25They're worried.
31:26Where did we go wrong, Mother?
31:27We didn't go wrong, Father.
31:28He's still our little boy.
31:29But then he's back on the straight.
31:31And it's Janine.
31:32Janine.
31:32Janine by a head from Heather,
31:34leaving Rodney on the turn.
31:36Wait, wait.
31:38We have correct wait from Mother.
31:39The sausage rolls are ready.
31:41The cake has to be cut.
31:42And Janine's waiting for Geoffrey
31:44in the mounting yard.
31:46Happy 21st birthday, son.
31:55Coming up on Neighbours,
31:57Debbie discovers the lighter side of life with Billy.
32:00My dog hasn't got a nose.
32:02How does he smell?
32:05Terrible.
32:07Neighbours,
32:08if you had to make five bloody episodes a week,
32:10your jokes would be pretty lousy too.
32:29Welcome to the program.
32:31Tonight, Budget 97.
32:33I'm joined by Treasurer Peter Costello.
32:36Welcome to the program, Mr Costello.
32:39How are you, Kerry?
32:43Pretty good, thanks, Peter.
32:46The centrepiece of your budget
32:47is savings incentives.
32:50Yeah, it's finally real help
32:51for the Aussie battler, Kerry.
32:53Well, your brother, Reverend Tim Costello,
32:54spokesperson for the Interchurch Gambling Task Force,
32:57has called this budget
32:58both fiscally and socially irresponsible.
33:01Yeah, I've spoken to my brother, Kerry,
33:02and I think you'll realise
33:03he's come across to my point of view.
33:05OK, well, how'd you manage to change that?
33:06Well, I gave him a Chinese burn.
33:11OK, does anyone here feel strongly about the budget?
33:14Ida, Kerry?
33:15Yeah.
33:15I'm a single mum.
33:16I'm unemployed.
33:18All my children are in childcare.
33:20I'm looking after my invalid mother
33:23who's on lots of medication.
33:26OK, well, what do you think of Mr Costello's budget?
33:28Absolutely brilliant.
33:30OK.
33:32Yeah, what particular aspects of the budget?
33:35The increase to elderly care benefit.
33:38$16.60, a fortnight.
33:41Oh, yeah, with the extra $8 a week,
33:44you know, we're finally living the high life.
33:47We went and saw the half of Dante's Peak
33:50and we're going to see the other half next week.
33:53I'm tired of cheating the Australian taxpayer
33:56and I am perfectly willing to get back my self-respect
34:00by living on Kit E-Cat
34:02and contaminated Victorian meat products.
34:06OK, well, what about the savings incentive scheme?
34:10Oh, I've been doing some calculations
34:12and I think if I reduce my rent
34:16by living in public toilet with 12 other families,
34:20I can save around $15 a year
34:23and the tax rebate on that is 7 cents.
34:277 cents?
34:29Yeah, and if I put that back into the bank,
34:31I will accumulate eventually $100.
34:34Yep.
34:34Well, how long do you think that'll take?
34:35Well, barring an ice age, 20,000 years.
34:38Yeah, fine.
34:39OK, thanks very much.
34:41I love you, Peter.
34:41Yeah, I love you too.
34:51Welcome back.
34:53Now to the mystery
34:54surrounding the disappearance of Brisbane businessman
34:56Lawrence Charles McCann.
34:59What you are about to see
35:00is a re-enactment of events
35:02that occurred on the night of Mr McCann's disappearance.
35:05We again emphasise that this re-enactment
35:07is performed by actors,
35:09none of whom were involved in the crime.
35:12The actors in tonight's re-enactment
35:14are from Canberra's Silent Moon Dance Theatre.
35:20On the night of February 24th,
35:22Lawrence McCann was enjoying himself at an inner-city nightclub.
35:25He had been drinking steadily
35:27and was dancing enthusiastically with friends.
35:30At approximately 11 p.m.
35:33He stopped dancing and went to the bar
35:35ordering a double scotch.
35:37Scotch, thanks.
35:38For reasons that are unclear,
35:40a violent argument broke out between McCann and another man.
35:44What are you looking at?
35:44Oh, you're a business.
35:45McCann was punched and kicked
35:46and soon afterwards was seen leaving the building.
35:50Lawrence McCann has not been seen or heard from since.
35:54And joining me now from the police crime re-enactment squad
35:58is Senior Sergeant Simon Murphy,
36:01who directed tonight's piece.
36:04Sergeant Murphy,
36:05how has the response been to this re-enactment?
36:08No, it's been overwhelming, Roger.
36:10It's been absolutely beyond our wildest dreams.
36:12I see.
36:13So we've jogged a few memories, have we?
36:15With lots of callers ringing in,
36:16recalling tonight's events
36:17and able to identify Mr McCann's attacker.
36:20No, no-one's done that,
36:22but we've been booked at no less than three arts festivals
36:25and I think that is a pretty stunning result,
36:27don't you, Roger?
36:31Coming up on Neighbours,
36:33will Wayne recognise his love for Debbie?
36:37I think I'm falling in love with you, Debbie.
36:40Debbie?
36:41I'm Ruth.
36:42Oh, my God, I can't keep up with this show.
36:45I lost track when Des left.
36:49You thought Melrose Place was the hottest show on TV,
36:52which is why we started promoting Neighbours like this.
36:55Tune in every weeknight to see Bouncer and the gang.
36:57If they're still in it.
37:01OK, another announcement in the budget
37:02is that there are more public service cuts on the way.
37:06Kerry?
37:07Yeah?
37:08I'm in the public service
37:09and I'd like to say that we are a go-ahead establishment
37:13with our fingers on the pulse of modern society.
37:15Yeah, well, what department are you with?
37:18Postmaster General.
37:19Yeah, that department closed 25 years ago.
37:23Well, I suppose that would explain
37:25I was the only one at the office picnic.
37:29OK, well, let's talk about the public service.
37:33Peter Costello, you're sacking public servants
37:36from the Department of Employment, Education and Training.
37:39Yeah, in order to save enough government money
37:40to start creating real jobs, Kerry.
37:42OK, and who will work on creating these jobs?
37:45Well, the Department of Employment, Education and Training, obviously, Kerry.
37:48Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
37:49No, no, no, Kerry, sorry, Kerry, sorry.
37:52We are avoiding a real issue here, Kerry.
37:54OK, what's the real issue then?
37:55Which is that this government is destroying the country.
37:59Yeah, like it is silencing free speech.
38:01Yeah, just shut up while I speak, will you?
38:04Ab stay, cut.
38:06Child care, cut.
38:07Rent assistance, cut.
38:09Tomatoes aren't as red as they used to be.
38:11OK.
38:12OK, OK.
38:13The carpet smells funny.
38:15OK, good.
38:15Yep.
38:16Chick-O-Royles have got more cabbage in them.
38:18Look, I am convinced, Kerry, absolutely convinced
38:21that the only agent of rural social change is street theatre.
38:25Yes, now, we are the founding members
38:27of a bold new street theatre group called Hands On.
38:31OK.
38:32And we want to share with you, Kerry,
38:33our latest performance piece.
38:35We want you all to come on the journey with us
38:38as we perform for you, Budget 97.
38:45I am the Budget.
38:47I hurt people.
38:49I am poor.
38:51You hurt me.
38:53Aye.
38:54Aye.
38:55Aye.
38:57Aye.
39:10So, Peter Costello, how do you respond to this?
39:14My God, it's all become so clear, Kerry.
39:17I think I'll have to go and rethink this budget thing.
39:20Peter Costello, thanks for coming on the program.
39:23Do you guys do parties?
39:27Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
39:29He didn't.
39:29Can I help you, madam?
39:31I hope so.
39:32He's been up there for hours.
39:35Here, kitty.
39:37Come on.
39:41Naughty boy.
39:44Coming up on Neighbours,
39:46will Toadie finally get his just desserts?
39:49Someone had all the ice cream.
39:52The selfish pig.
39:54I wonder who it was.
39:57Neighbours, if you half close your eyes,
40:00it looks a little bit like Melrose Place.
40:03Honestly.
40:14And fears are still being held
40:16for the two police officers trapped down a collapsed mine
40:18in the Kimberley area.
40:19The two officers from the Police Children's Road Safety Education section
40:23were on a picnic when the ground above the shaft gave way.
40:26Our hopes and prayers are with them.
40:28Well, come on, Sarge.
40:29It might be fun.
40:30I feel like Maggie and PJ last week.
40:32Shut up.
40:33You shut up.
40:37Anyway, it's not my fault.
40:39You're wasting air.
40:40Look, I threw the frisbee, all right?
40:42I'm sorry.
40:43I said I would go and get it.
40:44I'm not talking to you, all right?
40:47If you weren't so fat, the ground wouldn't have caved in any way.
40:49Excuse me, excuse me.
40:50I'm not fed.
40:51I lost three pounds last week.
40:52You know it.
40:53Bull dust you put on weight.
40:54I have not.
40:55I have not.
40:56Look at this jackal.
40:57I'm swimming in it.
40:58Look, look at that.
40:59You've altered it.
40:59You've altered the jackal.
41:00I have not altered it.
41:01You have, sir.
41:01You moved the buttons.
41:02Look.
41:03I did not move the buttons.
41:04Sarge, you moved the buttons.
41:05Come on.
41:06You're the fattest man in the world, Sarge.
41:07Everyone knows that's fat, the water rat.
41:10Would you shut up?
41:12Who cares when I move my buttons?
41:13Who cares when I'm as fat as a water rat?
41:16We're going to die down here.
41:19Do you mean Constance or we're going to die down here?
41:23Sarge, we're going to make it, all right?
41:26As long as we're careful, we ration this can of big sass and this cherry ripe, we can stay
41:32down here for days.
41:35You're right, Cheetah.
41:36You're right.
41:37Good man.
41:39Of course we're going to survive.
41:41Of course.
41:43Yeah.
41:44The thought of not seeing probationary Constable Emily Stamen again is just too horrible to
41:49bear.
41:51We'll meet.
41:52Perhaps we'll even go out.
41:55Yeah.
41:56Become an item.
41:57Maybe even get married.
41:59Have a few kids.
42:02Anything's possible, eh, Constable?
42:06Nah.
42:07She hates you.
42:08What are you doing?
42:10She told me.
42:10She thinks you'll smell like an old man.
42:12The rations.
42:13I like you.
42:15I really like you.
42:16Cheetah, the rations.
42:17I don't even mind your smell.
42:19Give me that cherry ripe.
42:20That's an order.
42:20No, I...
42:21Give me that cherry ripe.
42:22I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:30I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:31I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:31I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:32I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:33I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:35I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:37I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:40I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:42I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:43I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:47I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:51I don't even mind your smell like an old man.
42:58Oh, my God.
43:04I just had the weirdest dream.
43:22Oh, my God.
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