- 3 hours ago
- #realitycentralusa
#
#RealityCentralUSA
"If you enjoyed this video and want to support our team by helping us fund our late-night coffee needs, please donate via PayPal! ☕️
A small act – a big impact. Thank you all so much! ❤️"
Donate at: [https://www.paypal.me/ngaxo]
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I
00:46Good evening, Ian Goodings with a news update.
00:50Well, the Seven Network has dismissed criticism of its sponsorship arrangements for Susie Maroney's record-breaking swim.
00:56A spokesman for the network, who said it was well within its rights to place the Channel 7 logo on
01:02articles of Susie's clothing,
01:04announced that the network had also secured a similar sponsorship deal for Pope John Paul II's current tour of South
01:10America.
01:16And coming up on tonight's Seven News, celebrations all round as Blue Heelers cleans up at the Logies.
01:21And on the Channel 9 news tonight, Hey Hey and Daryl Summers, big Logies winners.
01:27And stay tuned for the ABC News at 7 tonight when we take a look at all the highlights from
01:31the Logies,
01:32including wins from Frontline's Alison White and Roy and HG's Club Buggery.
01:37And don't forget to tune in to tonight's news on Channel 10 when we take a brief look at the
01:41Logies
01:42and wonder why people bother with this crap anyway.
01:56Hello, Tom.
01:57What can I do for you?
01:59I'm after PJ and Maggie, Chris.
02:01You haven't seen them around, have you?
02:03Yeah, they're over playing darts.
02:05Why, is there a problem?
02:06Not yet, but there might be.
02:09Here, look after my hat, love, and...
02:11Have one on, Maggie.
02:13Oh, Tala.
02:19I...
02:24PJ?
02:25Maggie?
02:26What's wrong, boss?
02:30I've just had a report from St. David's.
02:33There's a crazy on the loose.
02:35Tom?
02:38I've just had a call.
02:39That crazy's on his way over here now.
02:41He says if we don't hand over the Logies, he's going to kill us.
02:46What kind of psycho would do a thing like that?
02:51All right.
02:52In the moment.
03:05Hi, and welcome to Foreign Correspondent.
03:07In tonight's show, I visit Bangkok, or as the locals call it,
03:11Kruntep, Mahanakon, Bovan Ratanakasin, Mahintareyataya,
03:15Mahdilic Pop, Napparat Ratchit, Haniburirum,
03:18Yudomrat Chani, Vet Mahasaden, Amampayman,
03:21Avatan, Satit, Sakatati, Yavis, Nugam, Prasit.
03:25It's true.
03:27Well, that's all we've got time for tonight.
03:29We'll run that story next week.
03:32Looking for a great night, eh?
03:35Look no further than Dickhead's Theatre Restaurant.
03:41Join in the revelry as you're met by the creepy hunchback.
03:44It's madness.
03:47Come with me, me darling.
03:50Come with me, me darling.
03:56Be waited on by the hilarious brave knight, Sir Spillalot.
04:04And the fun doesn't end there,
04:06because you'll also be entertained by the Wicked Witch.
04:09Laugh along and join in the revelry.
04:14And at Dickhead's, the quality of the entertainment
04:17is matched only by the quality of the food.
04:19Yes, it's hot cuisine all the way,
04:21with a roast from the ghost.
04:27Made all the more appetizing by a visit from our buxom wench.
04:31Have a pub and join in the revelry.
04:33Ooh, darling.
04:34Ooh, whoa.
04:35And after the such was Dickhead's feast,
04:38the high-octane floor show really kicks in.
04:41It's madness.
04:49So let your hair down, kick up your heels,
04:51and join in the revelry.
04:53Oh, loosen up, man.
04:56Goff.
04:58Yes.
05:00So, boys and ghouls,
05:01if you want to tear off hunts of uncooked pig with your bare hands
05:04and attempt to digest it while being bothered by a hunchback and a witch,
05:07by atonally singing shithouse bawdy songs,
05:10have a nice hump,
05:11book your seat now at Dickhead's.
05:18From Sydney, the ABC's late line is Maxine McHugh.
05:23Recently, the Reserve Bank cut official interest rates by 0.5%,
05:27and yet the major banks failed to pass this cut onto their customers,
05:31dropping their rates by only 0.35%.
05:35Joining me tonight are representatives of the four major banks.
05:38John Tyler from the Commonwealth.
05:40Good evening.
05:41Nick Konis from Westpac.
05:42Good evening.
05:43Leslie Grimes from ANZ.
05:45Good evening.
05:46And Samantha Vasta from the National Australia Bank.
05:48Good evening.
05:49Now, the Trade Practices Act bans contract arrangements
05:52or understanding between banks
05:54that is the effect of fixing prices.
05:56So how do you explain the fact that you all cut your rates
06:00by exactly the same amount within hours of one another?
06:03I had absolutely no idea, Maxine.
06:07You must admit, it does look a bit suspicious.
06:10Are you sure there was no collusion in this matter?
06:13Now, Maxine, it's all very well for you to sit there and cast aspersions,
06:17but the Westpac Bank has acted with total independence.
06:23Federal Treasurer Peter Costello has ordered competition watchdogs
06:26to investigate all four major banks.
06:29What's your point, Maxine?
06:32Well, obviously, he thinks it's a bit suspicious.
06:35Yeah, well, he would say that, wouldn't he?
06:38He's always been biased against the Westpac Bank.
06:42Peter Costello is quoted as saying that interest rate reductions
06:46are for the benefit of the customers, not the banks.
06:55That's a good one.
06:57So you're saying that you all act with total autonomy?
07:01Absolutely, Maxine.
07:03Cross our hearts and hope to die.
07:06True deets.
07:09Any final message to the Federal Treasurer?
07:15Hey, Australia, are you scared yet?
07:18I found it absolutely terrifying.
07:19I nearly shat myself.
07:20I couldn't believe it.
07:21I had to shut my eyes.
07:23My girlfriend could not stop screaming.
07:26Well, personally, I found it to be hilarious.
07:27I mean, I think it was one of the funniest things I've seen all year.
07:31Pauline Hanson's One Nation, too.
07:34Come into a venue, dearie.
07:46It's a marvellous feeling to look around at this great state of ours
07:50and to appreciate the lifestyle that we have
07:53and to see the results we've achieved in just a few short years of my government.
08:01The vast majority of people I speak to are extremely supportive
08:05and appreciative of my government's efforts.
08:08You...
08:08Top bloke.
08:09Can't!
08:11But, as in any democracy, there are always detractors.
08:15Those who would claim that I have suppressed all criticism of my government.
08:19Of course, I haven't suppressed this anti-Victorian behaviour.
08:22But don't just listen to me.
08:24What do the people of Victoria have to say about my government's achievements?
08:29Who picked this location?
08:34Excuse me.
08:35Can you tell us what you think of the Kennet government?
08:38Oh, you know...
08:41I suppose it's...
08:42Fantastic.
08:44I really like Kennet.
08:46But I suppose, um...
08:48All...
08:49The things he's done is...
08:49Brilliant and completely above board.
08:51In the history of Australian politics,
08:53I don't think we've known a politician so arrogant,
08:55so scornful of democracy,
08:57or so contemptuous of public accountability...
09:00Peter Costello...
09:01What do you think of Geoff Kennet and his government?
09:03Geoff Kennet...
09:04...has done a delightful job in restoring our state's finances
09:07and revitalising confidence in the economy.
09:10He's forthright,
09:11he's diligent,
09:12and he's trustworthy.
09:13He gets my vote for sure.
09:18Well, there you have it.
09:19The people of Victoria have spoken.
09:22And as Voltaire once said,
09:24you may disagree with what I say,
09:26but I will defend to your death my right to say it.
09:30Victoria.
09:31On the nose.
09:32I mean move.
09:33Who said that?
09:49From Jesus Christ Superstar to Cats,
09:52Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber
09:54has shown how his songwriting genius
09:56can turn the unlikeliest subject
09:57into popular musical entertainment.
10:00His latest production,
10:02Shoving a Burnt Spear Up Your Ass,
10:03is perhaps his most challenging work to date.
10:06Sir Andrew explains.
10:08Well, it is difficult, yes.
10:10Having a Burnt stick shoved up your ass
10:11is not essentially a pleasant experience.
10:13Yet, as a composer,
10:15my job is to transform through music and song
10:17something which would normally be horrible
10:19into something which, while still horrible,
10:21people can tap their toes to.
10:23It's a little sound for everything else, too.
10:24You know what I mean?
10:25Ah, it's a spear.
10:29It's burnt.
10:30Don't let it near.
10:32Your ass.
10:35Your ass.
10:37Your ass.
10:39You see, it softens what would otherwise
10:41than the normal circumstances
10:42be a very painful assault.
10:45Does the audience, in fact,
10:46get a burnt spear inserted into their bottom?
10:48Ah, yes, of course, yes.
10:50It's what the audience says.
10:51You bring a gun on, you must shoot it.
10:52We're so-to with a burnt spear.
10:54The ushers are assigned to each row
10:56and about five, perhaps ten minutes into the production,
10:59they approach you with a certain degree of stealth
11:02and they ram these beautifully burnt spears
11:05made by our very, very clever production people in Paris
11:08up each and every arsehole in the theatre.
11:11And being my production,
11:12there are quite a few arseholes there.
11:13Then the curtain is run down
11:16and ambulances are summoned
11:17and I accept a large basket of fruit
11:20from a girl dressed as a bellboy.
11:22It is an enchanting night at the theatre.
11:25But is it?
11:25Spear, spear.
11:27Preview audiences have been less than enthusiastic
11:30about the new show.
11:31Watch out!
11:32It's burnt.
11:35Here come the spears.
11:37You haven't got diarrhoes.
11:42Because things will come to a bad end.
11:46Well, it's not in the same leg as Joseph
11:49and his amazing Technicolor dreamcoat,
11:51but it is up there with Starlight Express
11:53and it's infinitely better than Aspects of Love.
11:57Sorry?
11:58Oh, yes, yes, marvellous show.
11:59We loved it.
12:00Loved it, didn't we?
12:00We loved it.
12:00Yes, didn't we?
12:01Yes.
12:05I really didn't get it at all.
12:07Is that it?
12:10People enjoy being confronted at the theatre.
12:12I mean, it'd be very, very easy for me
12:13to sit back and write any old shit
12:15that came into my head and produce it.
12:18In fact, I often have.
12:19But I know what works.
12:20My show's put bums on seats.
12:22Or in this case, spears.
12:24I'm sure this new one's the most excruciating
12:27and painful and difficult to sit through one
12:28I've ever come up with.
12:29But when Crown Casino asked me
12:31to write something to replace Red Hot and Ronda,
12:33this is all I could think of.
12:35Good enough for you Australians, anyway.
12:37Ah, yes, Ronda Birchmore.
12:41Ah, don't let her near.
12:46Your arse.
12:49Your arse.
12:53Your arse.
12:54Your arse.
13:05Hi.
13:06Tonight on Foreign Correspondent,
13:07we go to Pango Pango,
13:09Kawa Kawa,
13:10Bora Bora,
13:10Abong Abong,
13:12Wagga Wagga,
13:12Baden Baden,
13:13and New York New York.
13:15Tune in Friday for a repeat.
13:21There's been a lot of talk about racism in sport lately.
13:24And we here at Wide World of Sports would like to say
13:27that there is absolutely no place for racism in sport.
13:31A person should be judged for their performance alone,
13:34not for the colour of their skin.
13:38And coming up after the break,
13:40Michael Jordan set to visit our shores,
13:42bringing that all black magic down under.
13:43In tennis, we catch up with Mark Philippousis.
13:47He's as comfortable smashing volleys as he is smashing plates.
13:50And in our clinics,
13:51we go walkabout with Cathy Freeman.
14:01Now, Mr. Peters,
14:02you represent the Sydney Swans Football Club,
14:05and as I understand it,
14:06you are appealing against a ruling of the AFL Tribunal.
14:09Yes, Your Honour,
14:10my club was denied natural justice.
14:12He was suspended on a trumped-up charge
14:13that can't possibly be substantiated by the evidence.
14:16Mr. Johnson,
14:17you represent the AFL?
14:18That is correct, Your Honour.
14:20And, Your Honour,
14:20since the Greg Williams case,
14:22it has come to the point
14:23where every on-field decision
14:24has led to a costly litigation.
14:26Now, we would argue,
14:27ipso facto,
14:28that a football game
14:29should be played on a football park
14:31and not in a court of law.
14:32That's complete nonsense.
14:33Well, what would you know, you tosser?
14:35You want to make something up?
14:36Well, come on, I'll have a gun.
14:37Well, have a gun.
14:38Go on, go on.
14:40Go on.
14:41Council's approach.
14:47Council for the Sydney Swans,
14:49you bitched.
14:55Your Honour,
14:56we'd like to call our first witness,
14:57Mr. William Gregg.
14:58Call William Gregg.
15:09Do you swear to tell the truth,
15:10the whole truth,
15:11and nothing but the truth?
15:12No, only taking one question at a time.
15:15I object, Your Honour.
15:17Overruled.
15:17Boo!
15:18You say, we'd maggot!
15:20Joy on the ballot!
15:21The court is adjourned.
15:22We'll resume at 1.30,
15:23judging into the wind.
15:31Bring on the little leg!
15:41Can I have it?
15:42Yeah.
15:43Yeah.
15:45Yeah, yeah, I've just done that.
15:45I'll go out here.
15:46Yeah.
15:47Yeah, I've just been working on it.
15:49What can I do?
15:51Do you have it?
15:54Yep, we'll get the tea Monday.
15:56No, no, no, no problem at all.
15:58Okay, oh, thanks for the tea.
15:59Yep.
16:01Yep, I've organised that as well.
16:02Bye-bye.
16:03Tina, Tina, throw us a whole punch.
16:05Oh, really?
16:07Oh!
16:09Oh!
16:13Oh!
16:14Oh!
16:15Oh!
16:16Oh!
16:25Oh!
16:33Oh!
16:35Oh!
16:38Tom!
16:41Tom!
17:10Hello, National Safety Council.
17:42Good evening. Welcome to the Ian Goodings News Show Live.
17:46I'm Ian Goodings, the man with the liver as big as far lap.
17:49And I would just like to take this opportunity to completely deny all the claims made about me in my
17:55ex-wife's new book, Hung Like an Ant.
18:01But first, an incorrect camera angle.
18:07And coming up in tonight's news, a prisoner with a ten-word vocabulary released after being unable to finish his
18:14sentence.
18:16And possums blamed for last night's blackout.
18:19They just kept buying me drinks.
18:23But folks, the news.
18:25Well, they arrived in limousines, they wore their best party frocks, and word hazard, they were last seen dancing provocatively,
18:31with G-strings in one hand and champagne in the other.
18:35But today, Jim and Barry O'Brien were finally sacked as funeral directors.
18:41Well, critics of Feng Shui say it's a load of horse shit.
18:46Well, icky-wicky, oop-oop, dum-dee, shimmy-shoop-shoop.
18:51No, I'm not speaking in Chinese.
18:53That's the name of the winning entry in the 1997 Eurovision Song Contest.
18:57Runner-up, however, was an Australian entry, entitled, Do the Faffin' the Faffin' Noi Bear.
19:03And joining me tonight is the singer-songwriter responsible for that tune, Milo Kerrigan.
19:17Thank you for joining us, and welcome.
19:37Well, yes, indeed.
19:39Now, second place in this prestigious song event, you must be both disappointed and pleased.
19:44Oh, that's right, sir, I can tell you this guy comes in.
19:50And it's a part of this, he goes with me.
19:52This is G-strings here, and the intestines came out, and she just came out with me, and I put
19:57them in the head for the Christ-like image.
20:00Yes.
20:01Quite, sir.
20:02Yes.
20:03Yes.
20:04And your parents must have been delighted.
20:06What did your mum say when you told her that you finished second?
20:09She said,
20:21Yes, quite so.
20:24I suspected she'd say something like that.
20:27And you're going to perform the song for us tonight, I understand.
20:30Oh, I couldn't bother to hear.
20:34Well, yes, well, never mind.
20:37So it's...
20:43Yes, good, uh, just as we rehearsed.
20:45All right.
20:46Well, ladies and gentlemen, with his Eurovision song sensation, Do the Fafna Fafanoi, please welcome Milo Kerrigan.
21:02I went all to it, and I went down to the candy store, but take a sec about this.
21:07I went down to the candy store, my baby said, how passing a boy?
21:12As a droop for fervin'
21:14I'm sorry, but I spit out the thing
21:15And it's in
21:17Fire for life and on me
21:19Crill yourself to die
21:22And you can see it
21:25He went bull
21:26What can the fool
21:29Am
21:31Moab
21:32Back to you, Reba
21:46Well, the extraordinary Milo Kerrigan there
21:49A songwriter with something to say
21:51Whatever it is
21:53Well, that's it from the new set
21:55Don't forget all this weekend
21:56I'll be perched up in a tree at a nudist beach
21:58With some binoculars and a dribble bowl
22:01Hope to see you there
22:03Good night
22:16Welcome back to Sports Sunday
22:18The chess world was rocked recently
22:20When chess master Garry Kasparov
22:21Was defeated by IBM supercomputer Deep Blue
22:24Garry Kasparov later accused the supercomputer of cheating
22:28But IBM denies this strenuously
22:30We now bring you the closing minutes of that game
22:36Knight to Kingsbishop 3
22:38Knight to Kingsbishop 3
22:43Kasparov reputedly is able to think of two moves simultaneously
22:45Deep Blue, of course, can't consider over one million
22:49Rook to Queensbishop 2
22:53Rook to Queensbishop 2
22:56Interesting
22:58Oh, sorry, can I have that move again?
23:01Sorry?
23:01I said, can I have that move again?
23:04Knight
23:05Please
23:06No
23:09Bishop takes Knight
23:11Knight
23:15Prick
23:17You heard
23:19Pawn to Queen 4
23:20Pawn to Queen 4
23:32Yeah, do you mind?
23:34What?
23:35Oh, was I distracting you?
23:37Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry
23:41Porn takes porn
23:43Porn takes porn
23:45Oh, boy, porn takes porn
23:47Oh, I'm really scared
23:49Oh
23:51You're in check
23:52What?
23:53Where?
23:54My bishop
23:55My bishop
23:56Oh, Christ
23:56Jeez, oh, come on
23:57Can we start this game again?
23:59I was not concentrating
24:01Kasparov has Deep Blue in check
24:04And that bloody whispering isn't helping, by the way, you know
24:07Can we have some damn quiet, please?
24:10Thank you
24:13It's your turn
24:14I know, I know
24:16I am the smartest computer on earth
24:18You don't have to tell me
24:21Um...
24:21Oh, for f***'s sake
24:24Sorry doesn't win me a million bucks, Poindexter
24:29Now piss off
24:30But I have to
24:31You are fired
24:32I'll do this myself
24:35Right
24:35You're a crafty one, Kasparov
24:38I'll give you that
24:39But...
24:41Oh
24:41What's that over there?
24:46Where?
24:58Right
24:58Queen
24:59Two
25:00Rook
25:00Eight
25:01Checkmate
25:02And Deep Blue checkmates Kasparov in 34 moves
25:05Making him the overall winner of the tournament with three games to two
25:10The computer scientists at IBM have certainly created an artificial intelligence which is very human indeed
25:17I am the greatest
25:19I am the greatest
25:20Come on, girls
25:21Let's go down to a bar
25:23The drinks are on IBM
25:27Meanwhile, following this track
25:28Triumph of machine over man
25:30Many other results have come in from around the sporting world
25:33In the Malaysian Open
25:35Greg Norman has lost a sudden death playoff to an Apple Macintosh
25:43And he's won the Open
25:44And that's a bit of a twist, isn't it?
25:46A mouse getting a birdie
25:47At Sabina Park, the West Indies are trying to hold on to a narrow first innings lead
25:52After dismissing a vacuum cleaner for 230
25:58Magnificent delivery, that's cleaner ball
26:01In world soccer, the socceroos were forced to settle for a scoreless draw in their game against a Panasonic stereo
26:08system
26:13A wonderful save and a very catchy tune
26:17And finally in tennis, Andre Agassi was defeated in the final of the US Open
26:23Match point here
26:27And the microwave wins 6-4, 6-3, 6-1
26:31And the fans go wild
26:34And now a quick look at today's soccer results
26:37Sydney United 2, South Melbourne 1
26:39Good news for Sydney United
26:41But not so good for their supporters
26:42Who lost the after-match brawl
26:4434 broken noses to 27
27:04Welcome to the program
27:05At the recent Logie Awards, many guests made speeches referring to the shabby treatment of the ABC by the Federal
27:11Government
27:12This year's budget cuts the result of a vendetta by the Federal Government against the ABC
27:17In a special forum on the subject, I'm joined by Federal Treasurer, Peter Costello
27:23How are you Kerry?
27:27Budget cuts of $55 million to the ABC
27:30That represents yet another cut of 10% of the national broadcaster
27:34Correct
27:34700 people are destined to lose their jobs
27:37Is this an act of revenge?
27:40You mean a bit of vendetta waged by us because we got sick and tired of 15 bloody years of
27:45blatant liberal
27:45Bashing by a whole bunch of superannuated lefties and polar neck jumpers?
27:49Yep
27:50Not at all Kerry
27:52What, you're not punishing us because the ABC has embarrassed the Liberal Government in the past?
27:56Kerry
27:56We don't go around punishing people just because they embarrass us
28:01Yeah
28:01You don't see us giving Tim Fisher a Chinese burn, do you?
28:04Kicking Alexander Downer up the coit, eh?
28:08Okay, so you support the ABC?
28:09Most definitely
28:10Do you actually watch it?
28:13Well, the antenna's been playing up a bit lately
28:16So you don't?
28:17Yes, I do
28:18Ah?
28:19When there's something good on
28:21Such as?
28:23Me
28:25Okay, let's see what the public opinion is on this one
28:28Okay, who feels that these cuts will seriously affect their lives? Anybody?
28:32Hello Kerry
28:33Yeah
28:33Hi
28:34Hi
28:34Hello
28:35Look, I'm a single mum and my child regularly watches ABC educational programs
28:41Okay, but what do you think of the Treasurer's Caps?
28:44Absolutely superb
28:46Yeah, finally my kid will be able to watch some entertaining, wholesome programs
28:52Such as?
28:54Agro's Cartoon Connection
28:56Yeah
28:56Oh yeah, that's a good one, I like that, yeah
29:00I mean, these programs are teaching kids what it's like in the real world
29:03That it's okay to bash up people as long as you're wearing a sensible lycra pantsuit
29:09God, I wish we had that woman in cabinet
29:12Yeah, I don't want my kid watching some show about counting and numbers
29:17Could ruin his life
29:18He could end up as Treasurer
29:22Yeah, thanks Max, thanks Ken
29:24And watch out for those chickens, Maxie
29:27Ian Murray's here, bringing you up to date with all the latest sport from around the world
29:31First up, we've got the lacrosse from Manila
29:33We'll bring you up to date on the 10-pin bowling from Cleveland
29:36And we'll be crossing to New Zealand for the latest in the regional heats
29:40At the South Island Synchronised Swimming Championships
29:43Then it's straight to Vladivostok for the under 12
29:46Who can hold their breath the longest competition
29:52Obviously, Max and Ken will talk about all the good stuff
29:55While I sit here by myself
29:57Getting the latest bad mitten scores off the internet
30:01But I don't mind
30:02Hey, I get to wear the funny tie
30:05Oh, bloody ho
30:08Okay, does anyone else here tonight have a view on the ABC's future?
30:12No, I think the ABC is totally irrelevant
30:13Oh
30:15Well, you don't feel that there's a need for quality broadcasting?
30:18What's that?
30:20Well, you don't know
30:21Not really, I work at Channel 10
30:22Yeah
30:24Well, do you believe the ABC should be run more like a commercial station?
30:29Oh, absolutely
30:30You can stop producing all this rubbish for snotty-nosed intellectuals
30:34Such as?
30:35I don't know, I never watch it
30:36Yeah, well, wouldn't commercials on the ABC compromise journalistic integrity?
30:40How do you mean?
30:42Well, would you, for example, be prepared to criticise a major product like Coca-Cola?
30:46No worries, as long as the sponsor was Pepsi
30:48Yeah
30:49Oh, for God's sake, Kerry
30:51Yes
30:52I am effing furious
30:53Can we talk some sense for a moment?
30:56Yes, go ahead, go on
30:57Now, look, thanks to the Mr. Bloody Cheesy Grin Costello here
31:00We are losing programs like Bellbird
31:04Yes, well, Bellbird was axed nearly 20 years ago
31:08Right?
31:09Yeah
31:09Well, there are numerous examples of others
31:12And I have written to backchat about them
31:14Yeah, that backchat's also been axed
31:18You're right
31:18Well, bloody hell, what show hasn't been axed?
31:21Has this show been axed?
31:22Not yet
31:23Well, that's a relief
31:24I mean, I told the wife I was going to be on TV
31:25I didn't want her sitting up all night
31:27Hitting up watching some bloody repeat of that silly cow on To The Man Are Born
31:31I mean, I am effing furious
31:35All right, Peter Costello
31:36Do you have any idea as to what types of shows the ABC should be broadcasting?
31:41Yeah, I think there should be a show based on Parliament, Kerry
31:43It's me as the host
31:45Well, so you're obviously talking about a comedy
31:48Oh, yeah
31:50I can be a bit of a wag
31:53What, with John Howard?
31:54Oh, yeah, yeah, he's funny too
31:56He could be in it
31:56Yeah, we're always laughing at him
31:58You don't really know much about television, do you, Peter Costello?
32:01I know what I like, Kerry, and it's not you
32:10Australian cinemas have not seen this much controversy in years
32:14Controversial?
32:15Absolutely, absolutely controversial
32:16If you don't like being offended, don't come and rack off
32:18But I was very surprised
32:20Did they really expect us to buy that?
32:22Well, I've never seen anything like it
32:24I mean, I've heard of big budget productions
32:26But this is ridiculous
32:28The Snack Bar
32:29Ripping you off at your local cinemas now
32:41We are pleased to announce that the David McGahn action-adventure series
32:45Roger Explosion Secret Agent
32:47Will not be seen tonight
32:48Owing to technical difficulties
32:51Unfortunately, the replacement program is also by David McGahn
32:55The first released 1983 failed telemovie
32:57Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:11Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:30Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:35Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:37Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:38Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:42Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:43Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:45Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:48Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:48Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:51Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:51Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:51Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:51Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:52Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:52Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:53Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:54Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:55Villain in a Cowboy Hat
33:58Villain in a Cowboy Hat
34:00cattle rustler and gets away with it. Hey, get out of my way, old-timer.
34:16My lips are mildly barged. I could certainly do with having me a drink.
34:24Two fingers of root gut, please. In a dirty glass. What they call you, stranger? Black Bart, they calls me.
34:33There ain't no ornery rattlesnake. Could have called me that. Listen, I gives them permission. Your health, sir.
34:43Black Bart.
34:52Watch yourself, kid.
35:00So, Sheriff Murgatroyd.
35:03I'm done telling you to stay out of town. When I says get, you get.
35:12Smile when you're out of that, partner.
35:17I'm done telling you to hell and back, Black Bart.
35:44I'm done telling you to hell and back, Black Bart.
35:45Corb's gonna ride out of the Badlands with this medicine for Ellie Sue.
35:49It was self-defense, I tell you. I'll, I'll, I'll clear my name and prove my innocence and deliver
35:57this medicine to Ellie Sue.
36:05Look after her, kid.
36:12Must get medicine I'm holding in my hand to small child and clear name.
36:19Pity up, Ed.
36:27I'm the intrusion, ma'am. I got this medicine here for the child. There.
36:32Well, no, I'm sorry. I must go.
36:34Would you like some coffee? I got plenty.
36:37No, I can't, Vicks. I'm pretty busy. Until next week, then. Good night.
36:48Good girl, Ted. Good girl.
36:51Come on, Vicks. Cheer back to the place. Go.
36:57Oh, I've still got this.
37:01Oh, Black Bart, you were innocent. You're a hero. How can we ever repay you?
37:06Shucks, ma'am. All in a day's work for me. Roger Explosion, secret agent.
37:22She's here. She's here. She's here. Just, just, just talk. Get on with it, will you?
37:27Your father and I'd like a word. What about?
37:29Well, your mother and I've been talking and we decided it was time we all had a little chat.
37:34About the facts of life.
37:39Well, there's no need to be embarrassed. We're all adults.
37:42There's just some issues that need to be more fully, um...
37:45Uh, uh, understood. Like, where babies come from.
37:48Oh, do we have to do it right now?
37:50I'm afraid so.
37:52All right. Fire away.
37:54Now, where do I put Mr PP again?
37:56In Mum's woo-woo.
37:57Oh, the woo-woo.
38:08Good evening, I'm Maxine McHugh.
38:10Tonight on Lateline, I'm talking with Prime Minister John Howard about the recent reconciliation conference.
38:16Now, good evening, Maxine.
38:18Good evening, Mr Howard.
38:19Now, look, ma-ma-may I just say, what a pleasure it is to appear on your delightful program,
38:25and, uh, not on a certain current affairs program, hosted by a journalist who, uh,
38:32who shall rename Maneless, but whose first name is Kerry, and his second name is O,
38:39and his third name is Brian.
38:43Thank you very much, Prime Minister.
38:45No, no, no, look, uh, no, no, no, well, look, uh, no, it, it, it, it really is an absolute
38:50blast to be here,
38:51and, uh, I'm sure you and I are going to be bosom buddies.
38:55Not, not, not that I wish to imply any undue sexism, uh, by my employment of the word bosom,
39:01or indeed the word buddies.
39:04It's, uh, it's just a figure of speech.
39:07Prime Minister.
39:08Yes, Maxine, old cock.
39:13Aboriginal Social Justice Commissioner Mick Dodson has been...
39:16Now, just, just a-butting in there, before we go on, perhaps I-I should just clarify my use of
39:22the term old cock.
39:24No, I don't think that's necessary.
39:26See, see, cos this is, of course, another figure of speech.
39:29Oh, I don't mean to imply in any way, shape, or form that you are old, all for that matter.
39:35Could we move on, please?
39:38Certainly, uh, I'm all ears, Maxine.
39:41Aboriginal Social Justice Minister Mick Dodson...
39:43Obviously, when, when, when I say I'm all ears, uh, uh, obviously, that is yet another figure of speech.
39:50Now, clearly, the image of me sitting here entirely covered in human ears is, is a bit on the surreal
39:56side.
39:58We're getting on well, aren't we, Maxine?
40:01Like a house on fire.
40:03No, no, no, no, well, there you see, now, there you go.
40:07You, you have just used a figure of speech.
40:10Now, isn't that great?
40:11Mr. Howard, Aboriginal Social Justice Commissioner, Mr. Mick Dodson, criticised your recent opening speech at the Reconciliation Convention.
40:19He said you should have used the occasion to apologise on behalf of the nation for what was an appalling
40:25crime committed against thousands of Aboriginal families.
40:27Why didn't you?
40:28Now, now, now, look, now, now, now, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
40:31nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
40:32nah, nah, hang on, hang on.
40:33Hang on, hang on, Maxine.
40:34Now, look, we're just, we're getting on really well there for a moment.
40:37We were having a lovely conversation about figures of speech and houses burning down and whatnot.
40:43And you go and spoil it all by making a nasty, snide remark like that.
40:49Don't you think your apology should have gone further?
40:51That as national leader, you should have apologised on behalf of the nation.
40:55No, no, look, look, Maxine, in my opening address, I said I was sorry.
41:00Personally, deeply sorry.
41:02Now, surely every Australian knows what that means.
41:06Yes, it's just a figure of speech.
41:12When's Kerry coming back?
41:21And we're about to show an update of the latest score in today's crucial ARL match between Manly and North
41:26Sydney.
41:27If you don't want to know the score, look away now.
41:30Now.
41:35Okay, you can look back now.
41:39Sucked in.
41:50Right, well, thank you for your attendance here this morning, ladies and gentlemen.
41:53Before we commence the bidding, may I just say a few words here about this property known as 17 Rick
41:59Street.
42:00Now, you ask any real estate agent, ladies and gentlemen, what the most important thing about buying a house is,
42:04and they'll tell you three things, location, location, location.
42:10And Helen's just having a bit of a laugh there because she understands that that's actually only one thing, not
42:15three, but never mind, there you have it.
42:17And location, ladies and gentlemen, is what this house is all about.
42:20You're just a short stroll up this way to the petrol station, and up on this corner you've got the
42:26corner.
42:26You just go a 40-minute drive to the start of the suburbs, and all the cosmopolitan living that they
42:32offer.
42:32You're only an hour and a half on the bus, and then a 12-hour ferry trip down to beautiful
42:36Tasmania, with all its glorious seafood and wine.
42:41Alternatively, a three-hour taxi ride takes you to the airport, from where it's just a 26-hour non-stop
42:46flight to beautiful Paris, France.
42:48And all the magic and charm of one of the world's most romantic cities, with its stunning architecture.
42:53You've got buildings like the Louvre, and its extraordinary collection of works by the great painters, Monnet, Manet, Gauguin, etc.
43:02There's the Champs, Alessis, Elsies, the Arch the Triumphant, the world-renowned mime school of the Markster, Marcella Marcella.
43:11All the exotica and rich culture of Europa is right here, at your doorstep, at 17 Rigg Street, Minda Lowy.
43:18So without further ado, who will open the bidding this morning?
43:21Start me anywhere you like.
43:22Ten bucks.
43:23Sold! Congratulations, sir. Thank you.
Comments