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FunTranscript
01:00These kids are hungry.
01:04They don't have anywhere to live.
01:06They need love and attention or even just a change of clothes.
01:11I, on the other hand, have no personal problems
01:13and am fit and ready to go again
01:15with Australian National Nightly network news.
01:18Get me out of here, will you, Pauline?
01:20These kids stink.
01:29OK, punters, get out your pencils
01:31because it's time to get the inside running
01:33and all the form on the show for the needy and the greedy.
01:37It's the Jockey Show.
01:39So let's welcome the panel and your host,
01:42the persuader, Len Shorley.
01:49Righto, well, good evening and welcome to the Jockey Show.
01:52And I can't quite see the auto queue.
01:55Hold on.
01:57Yeah, righto.
01:58Well, welcome to the Jockey Show.
01:59And we've got lots of horses and that
02:00and it's going to be pretty good, I reckon.
02:01What do you think, guys?
02:02Oh, yeah, I can't wait, mate.
02:04Fantastic, yeah.
02:05Righto, so what did you all think of the races yesterday?
02:07Oh, not bad.
02:09I couldn't see them.
02:10OK, well, of course, the big news of the week
02:12is that Octagonal, the big O, is being put out to stud.
02:15Whoa!
02:16Oh, Jim.
02:17And we caught up with his stud manager,
02:19Raylene McKechnie.
02:21Where's the telly?
02:22I can't see it.
02:23Where?
02:24Here's the telly.
02:26Octagonal was such a great racehorse.
02:27He used to love to get out and race.
02:29So we were a bit worried about putting him out to stud.
02:32But I must say,
02:34he seems to be getting into the swing of it.
02:40Has the horse's temperament changed the door, Raylene?
02:42He's listening to Barry White a bit more than he used to.
02:45And we've got mirrors on the ceiling of his stable now.
02:49And how are the mares treating him, Raylene?
02:51Oh, not bad, not bad.
02:52Although he's got his eye on that motley one over there
02:55which seems to have taken a bit of a shine to the big O.
02:57Look, he's all embarrassed.
02:59Yoo-hoo!
03:00Pokey fat logs over here!
03:04Help her little servicing!
03:08Get it up!
03:09Next on ABC, a ten-year-old repeat of embassies
03:13starring Janet Andrew Arthur and Frankie J Holden.
03:16Next on 7, an encore presentation of The Great Outdoors
03:19with Ernie Dingo and Frankie J Holden.
03:22Stay with us on 9 for In Melbourne Tonight
03:24with Denise Drysdale and Frankie J Holden.
03:28Coming up on 10, the latest NBA basketball action
03:31as the Chicago Bulls take on Frankie J Holden.
03:46Thank you, Sergeant.
03:47Welcome back to Australia's Most Wanted.
03:50You may remember last week's story of Meredith Waxman,
03:55a 43-year-old mother of two
03:57who had a car stolen while shopping in suburban High Street
04:00last January.
04:01We received several calls from viewers about the theft
04:04and these led to the arrest and conviction last Thursday
04:08of one Damien Wayne Rojour.
04:11The car was recovered with minimal damage
04:13in the country town of Lockheel in South Australia
04:16and returned to Meredith.
04:18I command you.
04:19Were it not for your help and support,
04:21this crime might never have been solved.
04:24Our special thanks to all those who rang in with information.
04:29Sergeant Jolly, who headed the investigation,
04:32joins us now.
04:35Oh, yes.
04:38Welcome, Sergeant.
04:39Hello, Roger.
04:40Thank you for being here.
04:42Well, was Meredith happy to have her car returned?
04:45Very pleased, Roger.
04:47She's a working mother
04:48and the car is very important to get her from A to B,
04:51picking up the kids and what have you.
04:53We've also had a number of leads from the show
04:56and we are very grateful for the public support.
05:01And was Damien known to the police previous to these kids?
05:06Thank you for your help, Sergeant Jolly.
05:08We'll be right back with more Australia's Most Wanted
05:10right after this break.
05:14Good, Chief.
05:16Go!
05:26All in readiness now for race five.
05:28The red light is flashing.
05:30And they're off.
05:31A bunch of horses with ludicrous names are running around
05:33with undefeated mittens on their backs
05:35wearing large, short shirts and johnfers.
05:37It's a complete fashion disaster out there.
05:39Approaching 200 metres now
05:40and people have bet money on these sweaty beasts with stupid names.
05:43They call it sport, but buggered if I know why.
05:45It's just gambling as far as I can see.
05:47On that basis, blackjack or roulette can be Olympic events.
05:50And if we keep opening casinos in this country
05:52in the right we are, they probably will be.
05:54And I'll tell you what would be our thorn to win the gold.
05:56All I would probably toss is silver medalist,
05:58double or nothing for his medal and lose the bloody lot.
06:01400 metres from home
06:02and some of these horses are drugged to the eyeballs.
06:04They wouldn't be out of place at a rave party.
06:06They're so full of stuff to make them go faster or slower.
06:09200 to go on the badly dressed dwarves
06:11using wits to beat the club out of the drug-crazed beast.
06:14What a sport.
06:15Try that with any other animal
06:16and they'd bite your bloody head off.
06:18Maybe that's what the drugs are for.
06:20They're 100 metres from home
06:22and they're whipping them.
06:23They're whipping them.
06:24They're whipping them.
06:24The drugs are kicking in.
06:26It's the sport of kings
06:27and by Jove it makes you feel good to be alive.
06:31Thanking you.
07:04Jerry Kurtheimer
07:06One of the fastest men on the planet.
07:11Every muscle working in concert
07:13to propel him 100 metres in less than 10 seconds.
07:18So,
07:19who makes his track shoes?
07:23Baku Mahuta
07:24Indonesian machines.
07:26Every muscle working in concert
07:29to cut a shoe in less than two minutes.
07:34I don't think this is enough.
07:37Just do it.
07:56Good evening and welcome to the program.
07:59Last week saw the launch of a new book
08:01entitled Pauline Hanson, The Truth,
08:03which is being sold to raise funds
08:04for her One Nation political party.
08:06Many critics have queried some of the claims
08:09in Miss Hanson's book,
08:10most notably that Australian Aborigines
08:12were rampant cannibals.
08:14Miss Hanson joins me in the studio.
08:16Hello, Kerry.
08:19So, Pauline Hanson,
08:20do you have proof that Aborigines
08:22regularly ate members of their family?
08:27Yes.
08:28Indisputable proof.
08:29The guy in the pub told me.
08:33Oh, dear.
08:35So, you're saying that all Aborigines
08:37were cannibals?
08:38Every last one of them, Kerry.
08:40They sit around all day
08:42collecting handouts,
08:43eating their children.
08:46They ate their children?
08:48Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.
08:53Well, okay.
08:54So, how did they survive?
08:56Well, you don't survive
08:57if you're eaten, Kerry.
08:59Yeah, but if the Aborigines
09:01devoured their children, as you say,
09:03how come there are still
09:04tens of thousands of Aborigines
09:06in Australia today?
09:09Pauline Hanson?
09:13Well, there are other subjects
09:15in my book I'd like to talk about.
09:18Got another bit of fantasy?
09:19No, no, this is undisputed,
09:21historical fact.
09:22Okay.
09:22It happened to my girlfriend.
09:23Yep.
09:23She was out driving in a car
09:25with her boyfriend.
09:25They pulled over to have a pash
09:27and they heard a noise
09:28outside the car.
09:30Yes.
09:30Anyway, the boyfriend got out
09:31to have a look what the noise was
09:33and five minutes later
09:34there's this banging on the roof.
09:36Yes.
09:37And it was a maniac
09:38bouncing her boyfriend's head
09:39on the roof of the car.
09:40An Aboriginal maniac, yes.
09:43Yeah, Ms. Hanson,
09:45that's an urban myth.
09:47Please explain.
09:49Yes, it's a stupid story
09:51which is totally made up.
09:52It never actually happened.
09:54You know, like the story
09:54about the burglar
09:55who broke into her house
09:56and took everything
09:57but the camera
09:57and when the people
09:58had the photos developed
09:59there was a shot of a burglar
10:00with their toothbrush
10:01up his bottom.
10:02So there's an Aboriginal
10:03maniac burglar
10:04with a toothbrush
10:04up his bottom.
10:05Yes, Ms. Hanson,
10:07God help us.
10:09Was that toothbrush
10:10in which way?
10:11The brush in?
10:25Stay with us now
10:26for our late movie
10:27the Turkish drama
10:29Tedizky
10:30starring Kaluka Tatsula
10:31Haluka Wantaboo
10:33and Frankie J. Holden.
10:36Okay, well a bit of a blowout
10:38here tonight
10:3865 points of final margin
10:40and once again
10:41we have art critic
10:42and documentary filmmaker
10:43Philip Quist down
10:44in the change room
10:45standing in for Dipper
10:46and with you, Phil
10:47one very happy
10:48Luke Cashel.
10:50Yes, all right,
10:51come now.
10:52Well, Luke,
10:52after such an almighty victory
10:53you must be particularly gleeful.
10:56Mate, boys played
10:56really well today
10:57but we're not going to get
10:58carried away
10:59by any stretch of imagination
11:00with the win
11:01and, you know,
11:01it's a very long season.
11:03Well, I didn't say
11:03you were going to get
11:03carried away, did I?
11:06No.
11:06No, I said satisfied.
11:07How do you get
11:08carried away out of satisfied?
11:11Well, mate,
11:11you know, I don't know.
11:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:13Just don't misquote me
11:14in future, will you?
11:15Greg Philbert
11:16apparently returned
11:16from injury today.
11:17Can you give me
11:18an assessment
11:18of his performance?
11:19Yeah.
11:19Without getting carried away?
11:22Yeah.
11:24Mate, Greg's a great player
11:25and he didn't probably
11:26get as many touches
11:27around the ground
11:28as he wanted to do
11:28this afternoon
11:29but, mate,
11:30he's just one of those
11:30players who just,
11:31he does all the little
11:32things that people
11:32just don't notice.
11:34Well, how do you know that?
11:37Well, I've seen it.
11:39Well, you've noticed
11:40them then.
11:41I thought that rather
11:42defeats your argument.
11:44Well, I mean,
11:44then other people
11:45don't notice.
11:46Oh, other people
11:47don't notice them.
11:47Oh, I see.
11:49And what evidence
11:50do you have for this?
11:50Have you done
11:51some sort of survey?
11:51Gone around town
11:52knocking on doors?
11:53Excuse me, madam,
11:54what are the little things
11:55you've noticed
11:55Greg Philbert do?
11:57You done that?
11:58No.
11:59No, well, let's stick
12:00with the facts, shall we,
12:01and not go off
12:01on some bizarre flight of fancy.
12:03All right, you permitted
12:04your opponents to score
12:06in the final seconds
12:08of the match
12:08three goals, apparently.
12:09What explanation
12:10do you have for this?
12:11Yeah, mate, you know,
12:12I think we're just
12:13cruising along there
12:13and we all looked up
12:14at the time clock
12:14and thought, you know,
12:15just a couple of minutes
12:16to go, so we probably
12:17just relaxed and slacked off.
12:19You looked up at what?
12:21Time clock.
12:23Well, as opposed
12:23to the temperature clock.
12:26You see, a clock
12:28tells the time.
12:29There's no such thing
12:29as a time clock.
12:31It's a tautology.
12:32Yeah, all right, mate,
12:34sorry.
12:34Didn't know, you know.
12:36Well, that was one
12:36of the little things
12:37you didn't notice, was it?
12:39Well, Luke Cashel there
12:40and we...
12:41Plank dickhead.
12:43Sorry, I didn't quite
12:44catch that.
12:45You heard.
12:46No, I didn't quite hear.
12:47I hoped you'd like
12:48to repeat it
12:48for the audience.
12:50You are a complete
12:51and utter turkey-necked
12:53dickhead.
12:55Not quite what you said.
12:56Luke Cashel there,
12:58getting, I think,
12:58a little bit carried away.
13:00Writing the opricots.
13:01Two Russian pilots
13:04are lucky to be alive
13:05tonight after safely
13:06ejecting from their
13:07fighter jets
13:08moments before
13:09a spectacular
13:09mid-air collision.
13:11This footage
13:11courtesy of Channel 7.
13:13The collision
13:14would have been
13:14extremely spectacular
13:16with a big fireball
13:17and engine bits
13:18flying everywhere.
13:23A Greek ocean liner
13:25has caught fire
13:26and is tonight
13:27sinking in the
13:27North Atlantic Ocean.
13:29Panic-stricken passengers
13:30are clambering
13:31aboard lifeboats
13:32and rescue helicopters
13:33are winching others
13:34to safety.
13:35This footage
13:36courtesy of the ABC.
13:38The fire is believed
13:39to have started
13:40in one of the luxury cabins
13:41and has spread
13:42like wildfire.
13:43At this stage,
13:44it's not known
13:44how many people
13:45have perished.
13:46Robin Vowles, ABC.
13:48Is that all right?
13:53Prime Minister
13:54John Howard
13:55met several
13:55overseas leaders
13:56today as talks
13:57continued in an effort
13:59to establish new
13:59trade links
14:00with Northern Asia.
14:01This footage
14:02courtesy of SBS.
14:10There's this
14:11modern French
14:12philosopher
14:13who actually
14:13proposed that
14:14post-modernism
14:15things could be
14:16described as
14:17where yet
14:18unknowable
14:18begins to
14:19proclaim it.
14:20You know,
14:20Hayley,
14:20I just don't
14:21understand women.
14:23Well,
14:23we're not that
14:24complicated.
14:25No,
14:25I don't mean you,
14:26I mean women.
14:28You know,
14:29they suck you in
14:29with their bodies,
14:30their little waist,
14:31their hips,
14:31this wide.
14:32God,
14:32I love that.
14:33And they just
14:34break your heart.
14:35That's tragic.
14:36You know,
14:37they don't even
14:37get to know
14:38who you really are.
14:39Yeah.
14:40I think gorgeous,
14:42sexy women
14:42are shallow.
14:43Yeah.
14:43See,
14:44you're not shallow.
14:45Yeah.
14:46So why can't
14:47gorgeous,
14:48sexy women
14:48be more like you?
14:51No.
14:55Do you remember Jodie?
14:57Perfect body,
14:57legs you could
14:58floss your teeth with.
15:00Oh,
15:01practical and gorgeous,
15:02James.
15:03Oh, yeah,
15:03sure,
15:03she was gorgeous.
15:06She was stunningly
15:07beautiful.
15:10You cut your hair.
15:11Oh.
15:12Yeah,
15:13I like it.
15:14Thanks.
15:15Yeah,
15:15that other way
15:15made you look fat.
15:18Um,
15:18it's not actually...
15:19She dumped me,
15:20you know.
15:20Did she?
15:21Yeah.
15:21She said I was selfish.
15:24Do you believe that?
15:25Crazy.
15:26Yeah,
15:26in the end,
15:26she was just a dumb girl.
15:28Yeah,
15:29sure,
15:29she had breasts
15:30you could use
15:30as a headrest
15:31on long flights.
15:32You know,
15:33I need more than that.
15:34I mean,
15:34I need someone
15:35who's going to
15:36challenge me mentally.
15:37As opposed to her
15:38being mentally challenged.
15:39Exactly.
15:40So you know.
15:41I know.
15:42Yeah.
15:42I know more than you think of me.
15:43How's the PhD going on?
15:44Oh,
15:44good.
15:45Um,
15:45I've actually developed
15:46this line of argument.
15:46She wants me to meet her
15:47tonight at Jojo's.
15:48Are you going?
15:49Of course,
15:50she'll want me to take her
15:52back home and have
15:52grinding,
15:53wailing,
15:53sweaty sex with her all night.
15:55Uh,
15:55look,
15:55I think...
15:58Then she'll dump me again
15:59and that'll be it.
16:01She'll keep me out for good.
16:02Justin,
16:03I have to go.
16:04Don't,
16:04don't,
16:05don't go.
16:05Don't go.
16:06Hayley,
16:06please.
16:06I need,
16:07I need you.
16:08I want to change here.
16:10Really?
16:12See,
16:12I'm sick of people
16:14seeing me as selfish
16:15and uncaring.
16:17I really am.
16:18Well,
16:19I think you could help me.
16:23I want you to come to Jojo's
16:25with me tonight.
16:27Okay.
16:28Yeah.
16:28I want Jo to see you
16:30and me
16:31walking together.
16:33Yeah,
16:33all right.
16:34Great.
16:35Great.
16:35because if she sees me
16:36with someone frumpy
16:37like you,
16:37she'll think I'm a snag.
16:44Here's what the critics
16:45are saying about Big Sky.
16:47Big Sky is unbelievably...
16:51I've never seen anything
16:53that's...
16:55This show is complete.
16:59Big Sky,
17:00the show everyone's...
17:028.30 Mondays,
17:04here on...
17:06From the people
17:07who bought you chess
17:08comes the new
17:09smash hit musical,
17:11Monopoly.
17:12One night on
17:13old camp roads,
17:15$2,
17:16or you can buy
17:17the joint for
17:18$30.
17:20It's the story
17:20of a boot,
17:21a cannon,
17:22and an iron,
17:22and the quest
17:23to pass,
17:24go,
17:24and collect $200.
17:26With you,
17:28I've landed on chance.
17:31Just missed
17:33the hotels
17:34on all those
17:35expensive places.
17:37It's the show
17:38that let the critics
17:39speechless.
17:40Monopoly!
17:43Advance
17:44to tremendous
17:46where
17:47nothing
17:48ever happens
17:50there
17:50is such
17:51a pointless
17:53thing
17:53to do
17:54that's
17:56Monopoly
17:57for you.
18:03Monopoly!
18:08Book now
18:08for
18:09Monopoly.
18:11But hurry,
18:12the reviews
18:12are about to come out.
18:23We understand
18:24that when you
18:25lose a loved one,
18:26you need the support
18:27and understanding
18:28of someone
18:28who cares.
18:29You need
18:30Crazy John.
18:35For generations,
18:36Crazy John
18:37has been helping
18:38people cope
18:38with loss
18:39at crazy prices.
18:45Crazy John
18:46offers comfort
18:46to the grieving
18:47and,
18:48at no extra cost,
18:49a buffet.
18:54Let Crazy John
18:55arrange the burial
18:56of your relatives
18:57for the lowest prices
18:58in town.
19:00Plus,
19:01for this month only,
19:02a free reading
19:03from Crazy John
19:04of your favourite
19:05psalm
19:05over the deceased.
19:08Plus,
19:09if you ring now,
19:10you'll also receive
19:11a free
19:11Crazy John
19:13tummy tightener.
19:15Crazy John's funerals.
19:20Proudly serving
19:20the community
19:21since last month.
19:26This is an important
19:27announcement
19:28concerning road rage.
19:30In an effort
19:31to improve communication
19:32on our roads,
19:33the National Road Safety
19:34Council urge you
19:35to observe
19:36the following signals.
19:39This signal means
19:40sorry.
19:42This one means
19:43thank you.
19:45And this one means
19:46after you.
19:48They are the three
19:49principal signals,
19:50but here are
19:51some of the others.
19:55Where did you get
19:56your license,
19:57you dickhead?
19:59You unbelievable moron.
20:03Four-wheel drive
20:04wanker.
20:09How about a root?
20:13Sorry, I'm busy.
20:25Okay, Lorraine and Terry,
20:28the total prize pool
20:29is value between
20:30$35,100
20:32and $35,200.
20:35Here's the total prize
20:36for the studio audience
20:37and the folks at home.
20:39Lorraine, you have
20:41the first bid.
20:42$35,110.
20:45Higher.
20:46$35,130.
20:49Higher.
20:50$35,131.
20:52Higher.
20:53$35,132.
20:56Higher.
20:57$35,150.
20:59Is right, Lorraine.
21:00Congratulations.
21:08Another hot night.
21:09Oh, yes.
21:11More ice, Pat?
21:12No, thanks, Fred.
21:16What you need, dear,
21:18is a good night's sleep.
21:20Yes, it certainly
21:21is hard work
21:22fighting the never-ending
21:24war against sin.
21:25No, no, no, no, no.
22:09Drilledinson, I'll be right back.
22:10Pleasehto.
22:10Bye.
22:11Bye.
22:12Bye.
22:16Bye.
22:28Reverend Freddy's Nightmares
22:31Be afraid, Freddy
22:34You might enjoy yourself
22:54For those times when you don't want to be interrupted
22:58Hey, Sid, have I got some news for you
23:03Your apartment block's on fire
23:06Let Telstra Message Bank take the call
23:08And you may well burn to death
23:10We give you a phone, bloody we'll answer it
23:17Hi, I'm Mike Munro
23:19And tonight as we speak
23:20Award-winning medical research scientist
23:22Dr Kevin Jessop and his wife Janine
23:24Are about to enter this very studio
23:26On the pretext of recording a community service announcement
23:29But take it from me
23:31They're in for a bit of a surprise
23:35And this is Studio 7
23:36Oh look, there's Mike
23:38Come meet Mike Munro
23:39Hello Kevin, hi Janine
23:42Hello Mike
23:43What's going on here?
23:44Well we have told you a bit of a porky
23:46Big as Dr Kevin Jessop
23:48This is your sex life
24:02Now Kevin
24:03You lost your
24:06That's okay now, thanks
24:08No, when you piss off
24:12Kevin
24:13You lost your virginity to Bernadette Gunn
24:15When you were 14 years of age
24:17You told me you were 23
24:19But so humiliating was the experience
24:22That it would be another 11 years
24:24Until you again summoned the gumption
24:25To approach a woman for sex
24:27Now Kevin, do you recognise this voice?
24:31What?
24:32Is that it, is it?
24:35Yes, that's right Kevin
24:37It's one of your long list of totally unsatisfied one night stands
24:41Deborah Hughes
24:51So Deborah, some pretty ordinary memories, eh?
24:54Oh look, he was pathetic
24:56And he bolted off in the morning
24:58Well thank you very much
25:00Deborah Hughes
25:01Thank you
25:06Now Kevin, the next few years
25:08Before you meet Janine
25:09See you develop an interest in bizarre sexual practices
25:13You begin to enjoy wearing rabbit ears during sex
25:17You derive great pleasure from fondling taps and other bathroom fittings
25:21And for a while you take to strutting around the room like a chicken
25:25Singing Harpo's movie star after orgasm
25:29But in 1993
25:31Just six months into your marriage
25:33You become impotent
25:35It's a difficult time
25:36And your marriage may not have lasted
25:38If not for the help and intervention
25:40Of friend and priest
25:41Father William O'Driscoll
25:50Kevin, I'm sure you'd like to say a few words to Father O'Driscoll
25:55Well, Father, you helped me through a very difficult time
25:58I'd like to thank you very much for that
25:59And you seem to make it less of a burden on my relationship
26:04No worries, floppy boy
26:06Thank you, Father O'Driscoll
26:13Now Kevin, your enthusiasm for sex soon returns
26:17After your wife agrees to dress up each night of the week
26:19As a different member of the Seven Dwarfs
26:22And today, now, you enjoy a normal, happy, healthy sexual relationship
26:27With your wife Janine
26:28And your pet gerbil, Toby
26:38Dr. Kevin Jessen
26:39This is your Sex Live
26:57In an effort to improve communication on our roads
27:00The National Road Safety Council
27:02Urge you to observe the following signals
27:06This signal means sorry
27:10Beautifully driven, well done
27:14Look out
27:16I drive a Volvo
27:39Good evening, I'm Ian Goodings
27:41And welcome to my festival of death
27:43And a special hello to young 12-year-old Ryan Husey
27:46Who's in the Royal Children's Hospital tonight
27:48That'll teach you to throw a rock through my car window
27:51You little prick
27:54And ahead in tonight's news
27:55A Sydney brick factory reports record sales
27:58After it's demolished
27:59And a man injured at an upholstery factory
28:03Expects to be fully recovered
28:05And scientists now claim the pyramids
28:08May have been built by a coal supermarket executive
28:12But first, these bits
28:14And in a recent food scare
28:16A Brisbane woman was frightened by a pumpkin
28:19That looked a bit like Burt Newton
28:23Water police regularly in warm weather
28:27The 5,000 kilometres between Adelaide and Darwin
28:30Is a very long way to run
28:31Which is why 79-year-old Adelaide man Colin Franklin
28:35Flew there in an aeroplane
28:38Smart-thinking collie dog
28:40Will outrage in Sydney this morning
28:42Over the release of a book containing the names
28:45Addresses and telephone numbers
28:46Of all of its 3 million citizens
28:49The government is taking steps to assure residents
28:52That all copies of the so-called
28:54Telephone Directory will be destroyed
28:57And in sporting news
28:59The Australian cricket team
29:00To tour England
29:01Has just been named
29:02They've decided to call it Kevin
29:07Well, the man police have dubbed
29:09Mr Make-It-Easy for us
29:10Has broken into a stamp pad factory
29:13And left his fingerprints on everything
29:17Well, at the tender age of 25
29:19Lachlan Murdoch has just been appointed
29:21Executive Chairman of the Rupert Murdoch-Earned
29:23News Limited
29:24Lachlan Murdoch joins me now in the studio
29:26Lachlan the old cock, congratulations
29:28Thank you, Ian
29:29Well, mate, look
29:3025 years of old
29:31And running Australia's Murdoch operations
29:34The entire shebang
29:35It's an extraordinary achievement
29:36How did you, Lachlan Murdoch, done it?
29:39Well, I think that I work very hard
29:42And I think I learn quickly
29:43Oh, yes, but love
29:44I mean, even so
29:4525 years of old
29:46I mean, you must be some sort of
29:47Business genius
29:49Well, I don't know about that, Ian
29:51Oh, come on
29:52Your father must be so proud, too
29:53He, too, must be amazed by your appointment
29:55To run his company, Ernie
29:57Well, I must say that
29:59Then it must be jubile satisfaction Ernie
30:01For you to have done so astonishingly well
30:03To own your father's company
30:06Are you trying to make some sort of point?
30:07No, no, I don't
30:08Are you suggesting that I got my job
30:10Because of my father?
30:13No, I couldn't
30:14Because I think we own this network, don't we?
30:17Yeah, we own this network
30:18I think we own you, too, Ian, don't we?
30:20Well, yes, just for the next three years
30:22Yeah
30:22Look, I just want it to be
30:23Come across as hard-hitting for the cameras, you know
30:26Well, don't
30:28In fact, what I want you to do
30:30Is to report to the new general manager
30:31Of this network on Monday morning
30:33Certainly, sir
30:34And who might that be?
30:36This
30:38Five mils of my father's frozen semen
30:46How do you do?
30:49Nice to meet you
30:51Talk to you on Monday
30:54Well, there they are
30:55They're very talented in their own right
30:57Lachlan
30:58And
31:00Spoofy Murdoch
31:04Certainly a gifted family
31:06Well, that's it from the news set
31:07But before we go
31:08They say too many cooks spoil the broth
31:11Well, that's certainly not the case
31:12At Greasy Hank's Filth Pit Diner
31:14They only have one cook there
31:16And take it from me
31:16The broth is f***ing appalling
31:19Good one
31:21Good one
31:24Good one
31:25Good one
31:28Good one
31:29Good one
31:30Good one
31:30Good one
31:30Good one
31:30Good one
31:30Good one
31:30Good one
31:31Good one
31:31Good one
31:31Good one
31:31Good one
31:32Good one
31:32Good one
31:33Good one
31:39Good one
32:00Scully, come here.
32:01Take a look at this.
32:06Looks like some kind of sheep.
32:08Exactly.
32:10Just like that sheep over there.
32:12They're exactly the same.
32:14Mulder, all sheep look the same.
32:17They're cloning them, Scully.
32:19Do you know what this means?
32:21Party time in New Zealand?
32:23No.
32:24It means that anything is possible.
32:28Take a look.
32:30It's a photograph of my mother.
32:33Now, look at this.
32:35My God, where did this happen?
32:38Kodak Photo Lab.
32:40Don't you see, Scully?
32:41They're cloning photographs.
32:43Mulder, you're a knobhead.
32:46It's worse than you think, Scully.
32:49They're cloning everything.
32:50They're even cloning us.
32:51I've got the proof right here.
33:06I've got the proof right here.
33:08Kimberly, come here.
33:10What is it, Marques?
33:12It's a sheep.
33:14I think it's got mad sheep disease.
33:19Dr. Marques, you're a knobhead.
33:22It's worse than you think, Kimberly.
33:24Take a look at this.
33:37Sweetie, come here.
33:39What is it, sweetie?
33:41It's a sheep.
33:42I think it shot JFK.
33:46Oh, sweetie.
33:47You're a knobhead.
33:53See what I mean, Scully?
33:55Why are they doing this?
33:59Why are they making all these shows?
34:01Maybe it's some kind of conspiracy.
34:04You mean?
34:05Yes.
34:06They're trying to stop people believing in UFOs
34:08by boring everyone shitless.
34:11Oh, fuck.
34:13Crying out loud.
34:14We must restore people's faith in aliens.
34:18This device destroys all copycat TV shows.
34:21We'll be left with only the truly original programs on TV.
34:31Okay.
34:32Okay, please.
34:33I've got another game.
34:35Has anyone played I Swear I Never?
34:38Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:39I can't tell you what I've ever had.
34:40I can't tell you.
34:42Oh, it's great.
34:43It's great.
34:44Well, how do you work?
34:44Well, you have to be brutally honest, okay?
34:47Now, for instance, if I say I swear I've never had an extramarital affair,
34:53whoever has has to take a drink.
34:56Well, let's move on.
34:58No, no, John, we haven't started yet.
35:01No, right, sorry, sorry, sorry, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
35:03Louise, Louise, have a go.
35:05Okay, um, I swear I've never been to a prostitute.
35:10Well, that's another drink for Johnny, right?
35:14Um, okay, well, uh, I swear I've never been to an orgy.
35:18Woohoo, bottom's up, down the head.
35:22I swear I've never had sex with an animal.
35:25Tell your mum thanks for the chooks.
35:31I swear I've never had sex with an inanimate object.
35:34Well, it was till I got there.
35:37I swear I've never killed a man.
35:40Can't help bad luck.
35:42Look, right, right, I swear I've never killed an animal with an inanimate object
35:46while having an orgy with a prostitute.
35:48I think her name was Trish.
35:51While my mother was watching.
35:53I thought I recognised her.
35:58All right, my turn, my turn, my turn, my turn.
36:01Okay, I swear I...
36:04I swear I...
36:05I...
36:06I swear I...
36:08I swear I...
36:11Is he going to be all right?
36:13I hope so.
36:14He has to give a speech in Parliament tomorrow.
36:33All right, Denise, we're going to play brain teaser.
36:38It's okay, I'll talk you through it.
36:40Hold my hand.
36:41Each of these price tags represents a different price.
36:45Okay, good.
36:46We've got $50, $175, $20 and $250.
36:52What you have to do is place them in order from the lowest price to the highest.
36:56All right?
36:57You've got 15 seconds to do it, Denise, and your time starts now.
37:01The 20, get the 20 to the other end, Denise.
37:04Great to see Denise getting plenty of support from a family influence up there.
37:08Family!
37:09Family!
37:09Family!
37:10Family!
37:10Family!
37:11Family!
37:12Family!
37:12Family!
37:13Family!
37:14Family!
37:14Thumbs up, Denise.
37:14Are you happy with that?
37:16Yeah.
37:16Okay, let's see how you went.
37:18We'll go up this end first.
37:19You said the highest price was $250.
37:22And you were right!
37:24Terrific.
37:25Okay.
37:27Next one along, you say $175.
37:29Are you right?
37:31Yes!
37:32You are right!
37:33So far, so good.
37:35How are you going?
37:35Are you nervous?
37:36Terrified.
37:37Good.
37:40Is that a piece of your brain?
37:42The next one you said was $20.
37:45The next one you said was $20.
37:45$20.
37:46No!
37:47Bad luck, Denise.
37:48But never mind.
37:50Never mind.
37:50You haven't won the trip before.
37:52But your family's coming down to commiserate with you.
37:57Okay, as we take a break, we'll be back with more.
37:59The price is right in just a moment.
38:01We'll see you then.
38:09From Sydney, the ABC's late line.
38:11Here's Maxine McHugh.
38:14Good evening and welcome to the program.
38:16Australia's education system, is it in crisis?
38:19Tonight, we discuss the matter.
38:22In Adelaide, we have Dr Gillian Gorman,
38:24reader in economics at Flinders University.
38:27Good evening.
38:28In Sydney, Professor Maurice Milburn,
38:30author of The Price of Education.
38:32Good evening.
38:33And in Melbourne, we have Carlton versus North Melbourne.
38:36Professor Milburn, let's start with you.
38:39What can be done and what course of action would you recommend?
38:41Well, I think we've got to change our attitudes, Maxine.
38:44I think we've got to see education as an essential service
38:47rather than just a product.
38:49Dr Gorman, what would you do?
38:51I'd move Silvani on to Longmire.
39:01Hello?
39:07Yeah, I'll just take these things.
39:10Howdy, Kerry!
39:12And I'll be doldrums.
39:13Planning a big night in, are you?
39:15Yep.
39:17Oh, great!
39:18I've seen this one.
39:19It's really, really good.
39:21Great.
39:21Yeah.
39:22Look, you know, there's a big twist at the end.
39:23I won't spoil it for you, but you know when you think that the lawyer is the murderer?
39:27Well, about five minutes before the end of the film,
39:29the boy's mother, who you thought was dead,
39:31leaps out of a cupboard with a knife and kills him.
39:33It's a real surprise.
39:40Yes, I'll just take these two, thanks.
39:44This one is fantastic.
39:46I've seen this one too, Kerry.
39:48Don't tell me anything about it.
39:49No, no, why, no, I wouldn't spoil it for you,
39:51because you've got to see this for yourself.
39:52Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't want to hear anything about it.
39:56No, no, I'm not going to tell you about the film, I know, I learned from before.
39:59What I'm going to do is tell you about the actor in the film, just the actor.
40:02Yeah, okay.
40:03Okay, because you know him, he always plays a nice guy in films.
40:06Yeah.
40:06Well, this time he's the murderer.
40:09But you don't find that out to the very end.
40:16I'll just take this third one.
40:19Don't, don't, don't say anything about the film.
40:21No, I wouldn't say anything about the film, Kerry.
40:22I'll be very angry if you do.
40:24No, I wouldn't say anything about the film.
40:25Do you understand that?
40:26Yeah, look, I've not even seen this film, Kerry.
40:29Good.
40:31A friend of mine has, and he reckons it, too.
40:33No, no, I was just going to say, I was just going to say.
40:36No, no, nothing, not, not, not a word.
40:40I've got to tell you the price.
40:43Yeah, all right, what's the price?
40:45Three dollars.
40:46Pretty good value for four murders.
40:50I didn't tell you the policeman did them.
40:54Come here.
40:58Last week, I put a film on reserve,
41:02and I want to know whether it's in or not.
41:04It's called Primal Fear.
41:07And if you say a word about it,
41:09just a word about the director,
41:12the plot, the actor, the price,
41:14the key grip,
41:16I shall personally take this baseball bat
41:18and beat you to death with it.
41:20Hmm?
41:22Have I made myself clear?
41:26Yes, Kerry.
41:28Do you have Primal Fear?
41:31Yes, Kerry.
41:33Give it to me.
41:36Six dollars?
41:38Yes, Kerry.
41:45Kerry.
41:47Be very careful.
41:50Just that there's a free price
41:52for every new release.
41:54Be very, very careful.
42:01What is it?
42:03It's this!
42:13It's this!
42:27And have we decided
42:29what we are having
42:30for our dinner tonight?
42:31Uh, yes.
42:32We thought the Thai salad for entree.
42:34And for our main courses,
42:36what would we like?
42:37The baby snapper.
42:39And the lamb korma, thank you.
42:40Excellent choices.
42:41Excellent choices.
42:42We'll be very much enjoying those,
42:44as I can assure you.
42:45Have we had a chance
42:46to look at our wine list?
42:47No, we haven't.
42:48Well, by all means,
42:49we must take our time.
42:51Yes, yes, we will.
42:52I'll just see to our orders,
42:53if we'll excuse us.
42:56Toppy nose, get it.
42:57He stops.
42:58Oh, you know,
42:58all this wee stuff.
43:00It's charming and elegant play.
43:02Don't be so ignorant.
43:03It shows breeding and culture.
43:05Ah!
43:05Are we enjoying ourselves this evening?
43:07Yes, thank you.
43:08And are we celebrating
43:10our special occasion tonight?
43:12Our wedding anniversary.
43:14Our wedding anniversary.
43:16Oh!
43:17And how many years
43:18have we been married?
43:19Five years.
43:20Five years?
43:21Oh, well,
43:22we have to be congratulated.
43:23Oh, yes,
43:24that we are still
43:25very much in love.
43:26Ah!
43:28For so often,
43:29we end in divorce,
43:30do we not?
43:31May I say, madame,
43:32that we are looking
43:32very, very beautiful today?
43:34And, sir,
43:35we are looking...
43:36Oh, très ensemble.
43:38Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks.
43:39Now, have we ordered?
43:41Yes, we have.
43:42And are we expecting
43:43our drinks?
43:44Look!
43:45Oh, here there are the drinks.
43:46We have them here.
43:48Here's the gum.
43:49Oh.
43:50Our drinks?
43:53Our entree?
43:57Amen.
43:58Crosses!
43:59Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
44:01Ah, good.
44:01I am absolutely finished.
44:03Very well.
44:03Yes, we were.
44:04Very well.
44:05You had chosen places.
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