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00:00I
00:43We're cruising at 10,000 metres and the weather for the flight is fine.
00:46Kevin and crew now serving lunch, so please enjoy your flight.
00:49Would you prefer the seafood pasta or the ice fillet, sir?
00:52Actually, I'd prefer my sandwich.
00:56But I'll have a coffee.
00:57Oh, it's the bread haugers.
01:01Naturally.
01:10Is the meat Victorian?
01:27Of all the ball sports, 10-pin bowling is the one that requires the least amount of skill
01:32and finesse.
01:33Perhaps that's why so many uncoordinated fat slobs play it.
01:36But it also makes it the perfect ball sport for Australia's own boxing, as being the brownish
01:42bomber himself, Milo the Spare Kerrigan.
01:46Hello, Milo.
01:47Hello, how are you?
01:49A size ball, thanks.
01:52Oh, my usual, thanks, Ronald.
02:00Now, Milo, choosing the right ball is oh so very important.
02:04Now, what should a player look for in a ball?
02:07Three holes!
02:09That's a championship.
02:10And a timer.
02:12That's two men.
02:13Go away!
02:17I'll say hiya.
02:19Ah, that's two men.
02:21Ah, ha, ha, ha.
02:22Yeah!
02:27Oh, Milo.
02:28The finesse required in actually bowling the ball is minimal, but there is unquestionably
02:33some skill involved, as Milo will demonstrate.
02:44I'm so proud of the fact.
02:46I don't know how to handle it, bro.
02:54A turn of the hand as the ball leaves the fingers can mean all the difference between
02:58a coveted strike and an embarrassing gutter ball.
03:01Oh, yes, indeed.
03:03Let's see how an expert does it.
03:04Watch me, won't you?
03:06I don't know how to handle it.
03:36But that gamesmanship has to play.
03:38That element of subtle mind play which enables one opponent to gain psychological advantage
03:44over another.
03:56At the end of the day, remember, ten-pin bowling is meant to be fun.
04:00And it isn't winning that counts, though I did.
04:03It's how you play the game.
04:04So from Roseanne's Sports Sports and the very sporting Milo Kerrigan, good night.
04:14And it's how you play the game.
04:14Oh, well, I'm glad.
04:49G'day and welcome to Foreign Correspondent, an Aussie look at world affairs.
04:53You know it's Aussie because I talk Aussie.
04:55I don't wear a tie and I've got a big bloody moustache.
05:00Tonight, Zanzibar, Tanganyika and Omsk.
05:03I travelled to each of those places just so that I could come back here and say Zanzibar, Tanganyika and
05:09Omsk.
05:10But right now we cross to Geoffrey Lawrence in the American state of Maine.
05:15Maine? Oh, bugger that.
05:18I'd rather sit here and pronounce names like Sabanolaga, Aguia Fuente.
05:24When you are to watch a news service with a difference, watch National Nightly Network News.
05:29The only news service with a qualified marine biologist, providing you with plankton updates and up-to-the-minute reports
05:35on life in our ocean.
05:36One, one, two, three.
05:39And now a world first in news broadcasting.
05:42Let me get this one.
05:43Australia National Nightly Network News is the only news service with a qualified ghost, providing you with up-to-the
05:48-minute manifestations of paranormal activity.
05:51Ian Goodings, Professor Rowan Bleby and the late David Taylor.
05:55Experience the difference.
06:07Welcome to the program.
06:09For the past 12 months or so, Nobby Doldrums has come onto the 7.30 report and spouted drivel on
06:14a broad range of ludicrous topics.
06:16Nobby can't be with us tonight, so standing in his place is the Federal Treasurer, Peter Costello.
06:26How are you, Kerry?
06:30Yeah, pretty good, thanks, Peter.
06:33So inflation at a record low level, you're obviously pretty smug, pretty happy about that.
06:37Yeah, this is a sensational result for the government, Kerry, and it clearly justifies the economic policies we've put in
06:44place.
06:45Unemployment's still at record high levels, though.
06:47Yeah, yeah, but we inherited that from Labor.
06:49Interest rates are attractively low and still dropping on notice.
06:52Yeah, yeah, I'm very happy with the government's performance in that regard, Kerry.
06:55Okay, but education costs have jumped dramatically.
06:58Yeah, another hangover from the Labor government, Kerry.
07:02The price of new motor vehicles is down.
07:04Yeah, yeah, we're very proud of that.
07:05We've done a lot in that area, Kerry.
07:07But hospital and medical services continue to cost more.
07:10Yeah, well, Kerry, we can't undo 13 years of Labor in 14 months.
07:15The cost of video and sound equipment has dropped.
07:17Yeah, look, I was determined to make that happen, Kerry.
07:20But much of outback Queensland in New South Wales is still in the grip of a drought.
07:24Yes, well, that's keating for you, isn't it, Kerry?
07:28The number of trees in our regrowth forest is up.
07:30Yes, our environmental policy has been very successful, Kerry.
07:33But a lot of those trees have fallen over and badly injured people.
07:38Yes, well, they were planted during Labor's term, Kerry.
07:45Okay, and finally, the cost of many grocery items I noticed has fallen.
07:49Yes, after a lot of hard work by our front bench, Kerry.
07:52But morale's down at the ABC.
07:54Yes, after even more hard work by our front bench.
08:05Yes, OK, well, Mr Peter Costello, thanks for your time.
08:08Always a pleasure, Kerry.
08:10Yeah, I've just...
08:12Just before you go,
08:15can you categorically deny that the cuts to the ABC
08:19are in no way a sort of punishment for perceived Labor bias over the last decade?
08:23I deny that vigorously, Kerry.
08:26Well, you know, morale at the ABC is very low at the moment,
08:29so how about you cheer us all up at the performance of the Macarena?
08:36Yes, yeah, I don't think so, Kerry.
08:39Yeah, well, you did it on Kerry-Ann Kenley's show.
08:43That's a little different, Kerry.
08:45Oh, why, because she's on Channel 9?
08:47No.
08:48Yeah?
08:48No, no, that's because...
08:50Why?
08:50Well, Kerry...
08:51Peter?
08:52Well...
08:56Ladies and gentlemen,
08:57proving that there's no ill-will between the government and the ABC,
09:02Treasurer Peter Costello will be dancing the Macarena.
09:09Well, can I have some music, Kerry?
09:13No.
09:19Budget cuts.
09:23Perhaps I could just hum it for you.
09:50Thanks, Plucker, and congratulations.
09:53The next award is for the best performance by an extra in a drama series.
09:58The nominees are...
10:02Kevin Malloy for Man with Beer in Pub in Blue Heels.
10:06I still don't think I would do it.
10:08Why not?
10:09I've just got a weird feeling.
10:11Yeah, well, you're a police officer.
10:12You're not supposed to have weird feelings.
10:14Sarge, I'm also a human being.
10:18Phyllis Franklin for Woman Pushing Pram past Gary Sweet in Big Sky.
10:23Righto, Jimbo, now.
10:25First thing's...
10:27Mate, no.
10:28Lil Jimbo, will you listen to me?
10:31Mate, whatever I said, I was just joking.
10:33You're one of the best bloody pilots we've ever had.
10:36Well, you've got to remember that, buddy, because I won't forget it.
10:42I know that I find it hard to get things off my chest, but you're one of the best mates
10:47I've ever had, Timber.
10:48And Harold J. Simpson, the hurt man on gurney in Medivac.
10:53Hey, doctor, I want a word with you, okay?
10:56Okay, so maybe I am a bit unorthodox.
10:59Maybe that's the way I like it.
11:01If it hasn't been for me, you've got a lot of depth on your hands.
11:08And the winner is...
11:15Kevin Malloy!
11:39When you want to watch a news service with a difference, watch National Nightly Network
11:43News.
11:43The only news service with a qualified wolf boy, providing you with up-to-the-minute
11:48growls and carnivorous activity.
11:50Ian Goodings, Professor Rowan Bleby, the late David Taylor, and Jojo the Wolf Boy.
11:56Experience the difference.
12:02Now, what can I do for you, um...
12:04Elizabeth!
12:07I'm sorry?
12:08Elizabeth!
12:11Elizabeth.
12:13Elizabeth, what seems to be the problem?
12:16Well, that's why I've come to a psychi...
12:17I was hoping you'd be able to tell...
12:26Well, it seems as though you have some kind of spontaneous gagging problem for no apparent
12:31reason.
12:32When did you start?
12:33Well, understandably doing disgusting things like cleaning up the cat's poo...
12:42And changing the baby's nabbit...
12:46Then I started to get worried when it happened with ordinary everyday things like...
12:51Making tight...
12:53Making tight...
12:55Opening the front door...
12:59Feeding the battery guard...
13:03I feel like a freak...
13:07Look, Elizabeth, you're not a freak.
13:09In fact, this reminds me of a case in Stuttgart in 1906 where a woman had similar symptoms
13:17to yours and, um, she was cured by aversion therapy.
13:21Aversion therapy?
13:25Yes, now I'm going to recite to you some words and phrases that are the most disgusting
13:30known to humankind.
13:31All right?
13:32So we hope that it'll stop your gagging mechanism, all right?
13:35Okay, you ready?
13:38Puss on a biscuit.
13:42Carob-coated maggots.
13:45Tongue-pashing Merv Hume.
13:51Bob and Blanche having sex.
13:55Bob and Blanche having sex with Merv Hume.
14:00A weekend in Adelaide.
14:04Two weekends in Adelaide.
14:10Tuna milkshake.
14:15Tapeworm bolognese.
14:18I'm fine.
14:19I spoke a sentence.
14:21We've done it.
14:22Oh, thank you so much.
14:23Look, it's fine.
14:24I'm just glad I could be of help and just pay the receptionist on the way out.
14:27I don't have any money.
14:29Oh!
14:34This 10 news update brought to you by Webster Insurance.
14:39Good afternoon.
14:40Mark Bryan in the Channel 10 newsroom.
14:43And making news this afternoon, a passenger train runs off the rails in northern England,
14:46plowing into an embankment and ripping up hundreds of metres of track.
14:49Scores of passengers are injured, but none seriously.
14:51We'll have pictures and further details ahead in tonight's main bulletin.
14:55Still overseas, and speculation continues to mount about further nuclear tests to be conducted by China.
15:01The Chinese government recently gave a guarantee that it had concluded its nuclear testing schedule,
15:05but rumours persist that another series of tests is about to take place in the south of the country.
15:10Back home, and the small Western Australian town of Neridilwook is still celebrating today
15:15after one of its 11 residents won a First Division Lotto plies of $750,000.
15:21The lucky winner says that he intends to remain in Neridilwook,
15:24but he says he likes the town so much he just might buy it.
15:27And finally, the 12th Annual Point Milligan Flower Festival opened today with hundreds of locals and visitors
15:32admiring the impressive display of ornate and native flower varieties.
15:36Organisers say they expect this to be the biggest and best flower festival
15:42with fine rather predicted before the rest of the weekend.
15:48Huge crowds are expected, so just repeating.
16:01You're the bad cop and I'm the good cop.
16:03No, just for the interrogation.
16:06I'm the good cop, you're in there.
16:08It's okay.
16:09Don't worry.
16:10It's not there.
16:11It's not there.
16:11It's not there.
16:11It's flying the wall.
16:12Okay.
16:13Dick's no only action.
16:15Hello, Johnny.
16:17Got ourselves in a bit of trouble, have we?
16:19I'm not saying nothing to no one.
16:22Oh.
16:23Not very cooperative, is it?
16:24Of course, I don't mind.
16:26No, it's quite within your rights to remain silent.
16:28Just that Constable Farch here, it gets a little bit funny if people aren't helpful.
16:33Have you met Constable Farch before, Johnny?
16:36No.
16:37Oh.
16:39Constable Farch, perhaps you'd like to say hello to young Johnny here.
16:45Hello, how are you?
16:46Nice T-shirt.
16:47I've got Sarge one like that for Christmas.
16:49Not Guns N' Roses, they're a bit loud for him.
16:50Get back.
16:51Get back.
16:52Back.
16:52I command you.
16:59Now, Johnny, we know that you and your gang knocked over that factory.
17:04We also know that you were driving the getaway vehicle.
17:07Send it down, Cheetah, send it down.
17:09I'm sorry, Johnny.
17:10I don't think I can control Cheetah anymore.
17:13Constable Farch, he's a wildcat.
17:15Are you threatening me, Copper?
17:18Threats?
17:19Let's just say that accidents happen, don't they, Constable?
17:22Oh, yeah, all the time.
17:24Well, why don't you tell Johnny about an accident that you were involved in just last week?
17:32Well, I was in the driveway.
17:34Macho, macho.
17:37Last Thursday night, okay, I was reversing my car C down the driveway.
17:43Jesus.
17:45And I scraped the bumper bar right along the side of Sarge's car.
17:49That was you, was it?
17:50It was an accident.
17:51I didn't leave a note on my window.
17:53I want to see a lawyer.
17:55Oh, we want to see a lawyer, do we?
17:58No, no, no, we don't, Sarge.
17:59He does.
17:59Shut up.
18:01Bucking up.
18:03Listen, you freaking mofo.
18:05You ain't going to see no mouthpiece, less than you learn some freaking manners.
18:09I forgot my manners.
18:11Oh, you forgot your manners, did you?
18:13That you might need some reminding of your manners.
18:16Well, perhaps I might.
18:17Okay.
18:19Constable, remind young Johnny here.
18:23Um, never put your spoon on the inside of your cutlery, because that's your entree.
18:27Don't expect to do a hanky when you're out in public, because that's really rude.
18:30And if you go to a dinner party, always send a thank you note to the hostess.
18:33He never does that.
18:34There's another one, too.
18:35Are you a complete idiot?
18:37No.
18:38What do you mean complete?
18:41Come here.
18:42When I, when I ask you to remind somebody of something, I expect you to give them a physical reminder.
18:48What, hit them?
18:50Hit them hard.
18:51That's illegal, Sarge.
18:52You're not allowed to do that.
18:53That's not illegal, but you're supposed to be in the room.
18:55All right, I'll give you one name.
18:56Hang on, hang on.
19:00Cubby the horse Winthrop.
19:02Never heard of him.
19:05Yeah, you have, Sarge.
19:06Armed robbery about two years ago.
19:09Perhaps you'd like to remind me in front of everybody.
19:33This week on Foreign Correspondent, I was supposed to fly to Switzerland for an article on the city of Byrne.
19:39But as it turned out, I ended up in the Russian city of Vladivostok after my plane was hijacked by
19:44me.
19:47Bug it if I'm going to travel halfway around the world just to say Byrne.
19:52Okay, it's going to be a long day.
19:55So do the shopping, do the shopping.
19:58Good, good.
19:59And lift those bags, lift those bags.
20:01Woo!
20:02And push that trolley, push that trolley, stretch.
20:06Now make a cup of, make a cup of tea, of tea.
20:10Now water that garden, water that garden.
20:13Woo!
20:13Good, now walk that dog, walk that dog.
20:16Looking great.
20:17Woo!
20:21Now put some clothes on, put some clothes on, put some clothes on.
20:25Come to the station, to the station, to the station.
20:29I'm charging you with a decent exposure.
20:31Decent exposure.
20:33Great.
20:34Woo!
20:35Newborns, cottontails.
20:36You wear them under your clothes, not instead of them.
20:50G'day.
20:50Tonight on Foreign Correspondent, Scotland and Wales.
20:53We travel through Aberfeldy, Aberdeen, Abergavenny, Aberdavia, Aberaeron, Aberdare, Aberystwyth.
20:58And then it's on to Sweden, where Aber came from.
21:23Good evening, I'm Ian Goodings, and I'll be your newsreader for tonight.
21:26Thank you for choosing to watch Australian National Lightly Network News.
21:30We trust you'll have a pleasant news bulletin, so please sit back, relax, and enjoy the service.
21:35Tonight's bulletin will take approximately 30 minutes,
21:37so we expect to be arriving at the start of our current affairs program at 6.30pm.
21:41I'm currently cruising along at 5 foot 3, and expect to climb to 5 foot 8 with platforms.
21:48We would ask you that you remain seated for the first few stories.
21:51However, once we reach finance and sport, you are free to move about your living room.
21:56Light refreshments will be served, in the nature of a story on a zoo animal,
21:59however, in the case of a story on Geoff Kennett, please make a note of your nearest exit.
22:06And ahead on tonight's news, the thief police have dubbed Mr Thief, demands a more imaginative name.
22:13A 26-year-old Long Bay prisoner with bad skin eats a chocolate bar and breaks out.
22:19And firemen in Antarctica bored shitless.
22:25But first the news.
22:27And a printing error is being blamed for confusion over the name of Pauline Hanson's political party.
22:33Miss Hanson issued a press release stating that her new party is actually called Pauline Hanson's One Asian.
22:41And a daring robbery occurred in an Outer Sydney 7-Eleven store this afternoon.
22:46Joining me now is a witness to the scene, Mr Lex Maron.
22:49Mr Maron, could you describe in your own words what happened this afternoon?
22:52Is that going?
22:53Is that going?
22:54You're right.
22:54Oh, mate.
22:56It's unbelievable, man.
22:57I was in the shop, right?
22:58And I've gone, copies of Slurpee, right?
23:01And this guy, mate, he's come in the door and he's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone,
23:06give us some money or I'll kill you.
23:07And the shop owner, mate, he's gone, he's gone, piss off or I'll kill you.
23:11And I've gone, shit, you know?
23:13And the guy's gone, shut up, mate, or I'll kill you.
23:15And I've gone, oh, shit.
23:17And so, anyway, this guy's gone, he's gone, shut up and don't provoke him, mate.
23:21So I go, get nicked, mate.
23:23And then he was on, mate, and I'm going him.
23:25I'm going both of them, mate.
23:26I'm gone, mate.
23:27I'm gone.
23:27And he was gone and I was gone.
23:29And the owner comes out and he said, where'd he go?
23:30But he was long gone.
23:37Yes, well, thank you for that illuminating report, Mr Maron.
23:39Mr Maron is, of course, the National Party spokesperson for the arts.
23:45Well, rumours that the Spice Girls are to expand their group
23:48were confirmed today by the girls themselves.
23:51Spice Girls Mel B and Mel C
23:53revealed their new member is the Queensland Senator Mel C.
24:00Well, police are tonight questioning Fishing Australia host Rex Hunt
24:04after he pulled a drowning man from a raging, flood-swollen river,
24:08kissed him and then threw him back in.
24:16And now, a brief look at the weather.
24:24Well, more than 3,000 BHP workers will lose their jobs
24:29within the next two years
24:30after an efficiency review at The Big Australian.
24:33Joining me now is BHP Chief Executive John Prescott.
24:36John, thanks for joining us.
24:37Yeah.
24:37John, why do 3,000 employees have to lose their jobs?
24:41Well, Ian, we just really couldn't afford to keep them on.
24:43Right, and how much money do you earn?
24:45Uh, $43,000 a week.
24:47Right.
24:49$43,000 per week?
24:51Yes.
24:51Right, so that's about $1,000 an hour.
24:54Yes, that's right, yes.
24:55Well, congratulations and welcome to the club.
24:57Thank you very much.
25:00Mind you, at those rates,
25:02I bet you don't get much work as a babysitter.
25:04I mean, can you imagine Mum and Dad coming home?
25:07Sorry, John, we're late.
25:08The movie went on a bit.
25:09But how much do we owe you?
25:10Well, let's see, that's four times that.
25:11About four grand.
25:12Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
25:19So, after you announced the 3,000 sackings,
25:22your company's worth on the stock market
25:24went up to one, or went up, by $1 billion.
25:27Now, what sort of message is that sending out to the public, John?
25:30I think this is saying that these people are vital,
25:32valuable contributors to the wealth of BHP,
25:34providing, of course, they don't actually work for us.
25:36I don't know where this leaves our employees.
25:38Well, it leaves them at the CES, doesn't it?
25:41Yes, pretty much, yes, that's where it is.
25:42All right, see.
25:43Now, I really do sympathise.
25:44I mean, I don't know what you can do with these people either, John.
25:48They're clearly holding you back.
25:49It may sound a bit harsh, but perhaps we should just kill them.
25:54We consider that, obviously, but no, no,
25:56I think these people have a vital contribution to make as unemployed.
26:00They keep the unemployment figures up, and that in itself lowers inflation.
26:03Right, so they do have a purpose then?
26:05I think so, yes.
26:06Oh, good.
26:06Well, John Prescott there with a positive message of hope for the future unemployed.
26:10From BHP, the big Australian bastard.
26:15Well, that's it from the news set.
26:16Have a pleasant evening.
26:17Of course, if it is interrupted by an atrocity,
26:20rest assured your relatives will see it here first before any police notification.
26:25Until tomorrow night, good night.
26:34The famous Where's Wally books.
26:36If your kids liked searching the crowds for Wally,
26:39they'll love the new Where's Wally range.
26:43There's hours of fun for children of all ages
26:46as they search the crowds for the cuddly late-night newsreader.
26:50Good evening, children.
26:52And for gifted children with advanced powers of perception,
26:56try the new Where's Scacy book.
27:00Where's Wally and Where's Scacy?
27:03Found me.
27:12Hey, girls.
27:14Forget Cosmopolitan and Cleo,
27:16because now there's a magazine for women like you.
27:19Frump.
27:20We'll show you how to create fantastic meals to impress your husband.
27:25Exercise machines.
27:27We'll explain why they're a bunch of crap.
27:29And our resident craft expert tells you what to do with those old tracky-dacks.
27:34Wear them.
27:36And in our sealed section,
27:38sex, one position,
27:40and that's all you need to know.
27:42Frump magazine.
27:44Out now.
27:45And free with issue one,
27:46Frump Man,
27:47with Senator Mal Colston on the cover.
27:50Good night.
27:51Tonight, a special edition of Foreign Correspondent featuring all the best names.
27:56First up, it's off to Japan and the city of Aizu, Kalamatsu.
28:01And then it's on to the Ukrainian city of Dnipro-Pietrovsk.
28:06After that, Egypt.
28:07And a special look at the town of Balad.
28:13And finally, our postcard tonight comes from Botswana.
28:17Specifically, the village of, and, wait for it,
28:20Ongo-Waha.
28:24Thanks very much.
28:33Thank God you're here.
28:36That's it.
28:37That is it.
28:38I am never speaking to another woman again.
28:40You just spoke to me, Justin.
28:42I don't mean you.
28:44I mean women.
28:47You know, I hate women.
28:49I do.
28:49I hate them.
28:50Can I stay at your place tonight?
28:53Oh, yeah, of course.
28:54You know you can.
28:55Did you have another fight with Jodie?
28:58That's it.
28:59That's it.
28:59It's gone.
29:00It's finished.
29:01That is the end, my friend.
29:03Ciao, Bella.
29:03Justin, you always say that,
29:05and you always get back together.
29:07No, no.
29:07You do.
29:08No, no.
29:08You do.
29:08No, no.
29:09This is it.
29:10This time, this is it.
29:11That's it.
29:11I've got to face the fact that I am single.
29:15God, I'm single, hey?
29:17I'm single.
29:18Do you want me to call you an ambulance?
29:20What?
29:21What am I going to do here?
29:23Well, look on the bright side.
29:25What bright side?
29:26I'm sitting here without a woman.
29:29I mean, how pathetic is that?
29:31Yeah, that's pathetic.
29:32That's pathetic.
29:33Yeah.
29:34I mean, life is a single.
29:35I mean, sitting around in bars in the vain hope that someone that you know may walk in through
29:40the door, drinking alone, playing solitaire.
29:45Like me?
29:46Yeah.
29:47No.
29:48Look, you are lucky, Hayley.
29:50Really.
29:51You see, because you will never know the joy of being in a relationship.
29:56You see, I do.
29:59It's harder for me because I know what I'm missing.
30:03Touch of her skin.
30:05Smell of her hair.
30:07Being able to grab her breast without having to ask.
30:10It's just gone.
30:12It's completely finished.
30:13It's gone.
30:13Never again.
30:15Justin, there is someone for you.
30:17I know.
30:20How would you react if I said I wanted you, really wanted you?
30:28If I came into your bedroom at night while you were asleep and I called your name and
30:34when you awoke, I crept into bed beside you and I kissed you on the neck and kissed you
30:39on the shoulders and then I took your face in my hands and I gazed into your eyes deeply
30:46while we made love, tenderly, slowly.
30:51Would you accept me and not throw me out?
30:55Oh, yeah, Justin.
30:57You wouldn't just chuck me out of the room?
31:00No.
31:02Good.
31:05Oh, it makes me feel so happy.
31:09Great.
31:10I'll go around to Jodie's now and try it out, won't I?
31:17I'm so glad I went to Jenny Craig.
31:20She changed my life.
31:23Before, I had trouble cleaning the house.
31:26I was tired all the time.
31:28I even had trouble playing tennis.
31:31Can you believe it?
31:35Oh, and then I went to Jenny Craig and found out what my problem was.
31:40I was carrying excess oranges.
31:43The friendly, helpful staff helped me remove oranges from places I didn't even know I had.
31:53So now I can live a normal, healthy life without those embarrassing oranges.
32:01Now, with this simple, easy-to-use device supplied by Jenny Craig, I can get rid of my excess oranges
32:08as easily as this.
32:10Thanks, Jenny Craig.
32:13Thank you, Jenny.
32:18Thank you!
32:22Thank you!
32:24Thank you!
32:36Thank you!
32:43Yes, sir.
32:44Good morning. I'd like to withdraw two cents, please.
32:47I'll have to round that down.
32:48Yep, that's fine.
32:49To nothing.
32:50Yes.
32:52There you go.
32:53Thank you very much. Goodbye.
34:42Needless to say, the Prime Minister considers this a most important mission.
34:46Please.
34:47Cherry Explosion?
34:48Please.
34:50Now let me, let me get this straight.
34:52The Prime Minister wants me, Roger Explosion, secret agent,
34:57to go behind the Iron Curtain and exchange secret missile plans
35:03in return for secret documents that tell us all about double people who are double agents.
35:10But this doesn't make, make, oh, go on, sorry.
35:14Exactly.
35:15But this doesn't make sense.
35:17It's the first step in peace negotiations with the Russians, Roger.
35:22The Cold War leave will finally be over.
35:24But how?
35:25Well, I'll let Dr. O'Flaherty explain.
35:29Explosion.
35:30The documents are in the briefcase.
35:38It's Butoh!
35:46Steady Explosion.
35:48Dr. Flaherty is Butoh's twin.
35:51Oh, a thousand apologies, my friend.
35:54That's quite all right, Explosion.
35:57Don't be so alarmed.
35:58It's merely a precaution.
36:01Just take the briefcase delivered to the Russian Prime Minister at the Embassy Ball tonight.
36:06I'll be your escort, Roger.
36:09Oh, sorry.
36:13Why, Godfrey, these Russians sure know how to throw a party.
36:17Ah, Explosion and Ethel, so good of you to come.
36:21Admiral Koenig.
36:23Come, there's someone I want you to meet.
36:27Excuse me, gentlemen, Prime Minister.
36:30Allow me to introduce Roger Explosion's secret agent and Ethel Ferguson.
36:34Mr. Explosion, your reputation precedes you.
36:38Blutonsky, my little man.
36:40Ah, you speak excellent Russian, comrade Explosion.
36:44I believe this is for you.
36:48To world peace.
36:50World peace.
36:51I wouldn't be too hasty about that, my friends.
36:56Voto!
36:57To remembrance.
37:01Also, Dr. Flaherty, I knew it.
37:03He's got the plans for the secret missile.
37:05Stop him, Roger.
37:07Better be careful, Explosion.
37:09I planted an atomic bomb in that handcuff.
37:12Aye!
37:13An atomic bomb!
37:14All these people in danger!
37:20So long, suckers.
37:24It was a mask!
37:26Look, out of the window!
37:27Voto's escaping in a minicamp!
37:29To the airport and step on it.
37:46That's still done enough, Voto!
37:48I'll kill you for this explosion.
37:51And that makes two of us!
38:18Voto's escaping in a minicamp!
38:21I don't know how you did it, but you saved the world again!
38:26It's all in a day's work.
38:28You know, Roger.
38:33All in a day's work for me.
38:35Roger Explosion, secret agent.
38:39Wink.
38:45That was good.
38:46That was good.
38:55Okay, it's going to be a long day.
38:58So do the pub crawl.
39:00Do the pub crawl.
39:01Good.
39:01Good.
39:02And lift those tinnies.
39:03Lift those tinnies.
39:04Woo!
39:05And find that dunny.
39:07Find that dunny.
39:08Wrench.
39:09Skew.
39:10And grab another beer.
39:11Grab another beer.
39:12A beer.
39:12A beer.
39:13And sit.
39:14Sit.
39:15Relax.
39:16Woo!
39:17Now watch that telly.
39:18Watch that telly.
39:19Good.
39:20Now eat a hot dog.
39:22Eat a hot dog.
39:23Belch.
39:24Fart.
39:25With a lifestyle like that, Bones Cottontails can't possibly keep you in shape.
39:30Bones Cottontails, you'll just end up wearing them on your head anyway.
39:44Hello there, gore mans and gastronomes.
39:47I'm Keith Floyd.
39:48Bloody fantastic to have you along.
39:50Cheers.
39:54Now yesterday, I showed you how to cook.
39:57Oh, what was it?
40:00Oh, I've got no idea.
40:02Clyde, what was it?
40:03Ah, yes.
40:04Norwegian puffins.
40:05That's right.
40:06How could I forget that?
40:07Might have something to do with the 35 glasses of this stuff I had this morning.
40:11Cheers.
40:15Now, the Norwegian puffins.
40:17They are protected species, beautiful birds, absolutely delightful to hear them singing
40:22joyously in the trees in the morning.
40:24So I flambéed the bejesus out of them yesterday.
40:27And today, I'm continuing with this theme of cooking and devouring endangered species.
40:38Oh, I'm not well at all.
40:40Now, the very first thing you do, now this is very, very important in the preparation,
40:45is to have one more shot of this.
40:49Then you simply take this.
40:51You take, um, come and look, follow me, Clyde, follow me.
40:54Take some of this diced panda and put it in the brain.
40:58A freshly skinned bilby here.
41:02A bald eagle, which I've already cut into sections here.
41:06Wave bye-bye, bald eagle.
41:10And if you can get one, and my butcher always keeps one aside for me, a dodo.
41:18Now, for all you animal preservation people, or whatever they're called, don't worry, because
41:24I can assure you there's nothing rare about these creatures.
41:28Certainly not by the time I finish cooking the crap out of them, you won't.
41:32But the important thing to remember, oh, Christ, I'm hammered.
41:38Oh, the important thing to remember is this,
41:43that to enjoy this sumptuous, if criminal, feast to the utmost,
41:48you must drink a shitload of this stuff.
41:51I cannot emphasize that enough, although I'm going to give it a bloody good try.
42:00Oh, that's the hair of the dog.
42:04So always put a little bit of the stuff in here.
42:07Let it simmer for a couple of hours.
42:10Then if you start to feel guilty, and you think, what a terrible waste,
42:15just ladle the stuff back down your throat again.
42:23Absolutely f***ing brilliant.
42:38Please sit down.
42:41Now, what can I do for you, um...
42:43Elizabeth.
42:45Elizabeth.
42:54When did you start?
42:55Well, understandably doing disgusting things like cleaning up the cat's poop.
43:03And changing the baby's nabbit.
43:09And...
43:15Then I started to get worried when it happened with ordinary, everyday things like...
43:19Making tight...
43:22Opening the front door.
43:25It's...
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