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00:04I'm coming!
00:10Yeah, hello.
00:11Hey, it's me, Steph.
00:13Are you okay?
00:14Yeah, just, uh, ran for the phone.
00:16Oh, well, you'll be glad you did,
00:18because guess what?
00:19Are you sure you're all right?
00:21Oh, no, let's give it another minute before we panic.
00:25Well, assuming you don't drop,
00:27how would you like to go with me tonight
00:29to the Ranger game?
00:30You got tickets?
00:32Hey, I'm in the sports biz.
00:34You teach gym.
00:36Do you want to go or not?
00:37I want to go, but I can't.
00:39I promised Carrie we'd rent a movie tonight.
00:40Come on!
00:41I've only been back in town a month,
00:42and we've hardly seen each other.
00:44Don't you want to do a little brother-sister bonding?
00:47Where are the seats?
00:50They're in the garden.
00:51That's all you need to know.
00:52You know, I can't. I can't.
00:54I blew Carrie off the last few movie nights.
00:56This one could impact my sex life.
01:00I mean, I'll get the basics, but no extras.
01:05Hold on a second. I'm getting another call.
01:07Yeah, hello?
01:08Hey, hon. It's me.
01:10Big favor.
01:11You know Laura Beth, that lawyer I'm friendly with?
01:14Yeah.
01:15Well, she invited me out to dinner with her
01:17and a couple of her friends,
01:19and I just wanted to know if it was okay if I missed movie night.
01:21What?
01:23I already rented Girl Interrupted.
01:27I got it right here.
01:31Oh, come on, hon. I really want to go.
01:34You know, girl's night out.
01:35I could make some new friends.
01:37Or just friends, period.
01:39Go, go. Have fun.
01:41Oh, really? You're the best, honey. I love you.
01:44Okay, a week through, because I'm on the other line.
01:46All right, I'll see you around time. Bye.
01:49Good news. Carrie's going out with some lesbians.
01:56Happy birthday, dear Lisa.
02:00Happy birthday to you.
02:03Yay! Thank you.
02:06Thank you. Thank you.
02:07Lovely voices.
02:08All of you, really.
02:09I hope you all die.
02:12Especially you. You're new. You should be nicer.
02:15Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too much peer pressure. I caved.
02:17I did. Clearly, yeah.
02:18Come on, don't be like that on your birthday.
02:20It is not my birthday.
02:23Don't make us pay for the cake.
02:25All right, I give up. Happy 27th to me.
02:28There you go. 27?
02:29I'm sorry, did you sleep through your last five birthdays?
02:33Well, I wouldn't mind jumping ahead a few years.
02:35Then I wouldn't have to go to my Barnard reunion next week.
02:38Going to reunion next week and you're eating fudge cake?
02:41Mm, gutsy. I like that.
02:43I can't wait to go to my college reunion.
02:47No, really. I-I just made partner.
02:49I just got married.
02:50And I could crack a walnut with my ass.
02:54Great time for a reunion, baby.
02:56Or a bad time if you're a walnut.
03:00Carrie, have you gone to your reunion yet?
03:02Oh, uh, actually, I-I didn't graduate.
03:05So...
03:06What?
03:07No, wait, I, uh, I thought you were a lawyer.
03:10Me?
03:11No, no, no, I'm a secretary.
03:14Like, the best secretary at the firm.
03:16Oh, thank you.
03:18Oh.
03:18Oh.
03:19Wow.
03:19God, yeah.
03:20Hey, and I hear Secretary's Week is coming up soon,
03:23so that'll be good, right?
03:25Oh, my God, I totally forgot to tell you.
03:27No, I don't listen to you.
03:34Hey!
03:34Hey, funny thing.
03:36Right after you called, Stephanie called with ranger tickets.
03:39Huh?
03:40Woo, talk about meant to be.
03:41I mean, I know we're all God's children,
03:44but sometimes I think he likes me extra special.
03:49Oh.
03:50That was ladies' night out, huh?
03:52What'd you, did you talk tampons, huh?
04:02Do you hate men now?
04:07Oh, good.
04:08Okay, what, what's happening?
04:10I was having a great time.
04:13I mean, I was, like, finally hanging out with women
04:16who didn't annoy the crap out of me, you know?
04:18And I was, like, totally on, you know?
04:21I was funny and, and, and, and, and charming.
04:24Oh, sounds good.
04:25Let me finish!
04:26You always interrupt me.
04:28Let me finish!
04:31Okay.
04:33And then, and then they started talking about college reunions,
04:36you know, and then they asked me about mine,
04:38and I said, oh, I didn't graduate.
04:39And they said, oh, but we thought you were a lawyer.
04:41And I said, no, I'm a secretary.
04:43And they were like, oh, it's secretary's week.
04:48You love secretary's week.
04:51Okay.
04:53All right, okay.
04:54Okay, shh, it's okay.
04:55And I'm just as smart as they are.
04:57Yes, you are.
04:58Yes, you are.
04:58I know.
04:59I know you are, baby.
04:59Okay.
05:00It's okay.
05:02Rangers won.
05:03It's okay.
05:03Okay.
05:05Come on, take a deep breath.
05:07There you go.
05:08There you go.
05:09There you go.
05:09Okay?
05:10Hey, hey.
05:11Hey, you know what cheers me up when I'm feeling sad?
05:15A snack?
05:20There you go.
05:21You feeling better?
05:23Not really.
05:25The milk's gone bad.
05:29I could have been like them.
05:30I really could have.
05:31I could have had a, a Palm Pilot, you know, and been going to my college reunion.
05:35But no, I had to drop out when my mom died to get a job.
05:38Good going, Carrie.
05:40I'll tell you something about fancy book learnings.
05:44You little lady got something much better.
05:47They call it street smarts.
05:49Yeah, great.
05:50It's true.
05:50Like when we're on the subway and some guy comes up to you asking for money and you pretend
05:54to be deaf.
05:58I didn't learn that stuff in school.
06:01Look, I'm just going to go to bed.
06:03I've got a full day of coffee pouring and phone answering ahead of me.
06:06I want to be sharp.
06:08Thanks for trying to cheer me up.
06:10You're very sweet.
06:11All right.
06:12Let's go.
06:15All right.
06:42Doug, wake up.
06:43Everybody off.
06:48It's important.
06:50What is it?
06:51I'm gonna go back to school.
06:54Okay.
06:55Doug.
06:56What?
06:57I'm gonna finish school, get a diploma, and get a better job.
07:04I have to pee.
07:07I have my old course guide in the closet.
07:10I can pick out my entire semester tonight.
07:13You see, I've been lying there going over the whole thing in my mind.
07:16How I screwed up my life and everything, and then it just hit me.
07:19Fix it, you idiot.
07:20Can we talk about this later?
07:22But I'm so excited.
07:23Aren't you excited for me?
07:24Don't hug me now.
07:25No.
07:34I just did everything possible to avoid light.
07:37Sorry.
07:39Yeah, me too.
07:40I think I splashed your bath salts.
07:45You're really serious?
07:46You wanna go to school again?
07:49Yes.
07:50I can do this, Doug.
07:52I know you can do it.
07:53It's just...
07:54Is somebody gonna quit your job?
07:56No.
07:56I'll still work.
07:57I'll just go to school at night.
08:01When would I see you?
08:02I'll make time.
08:04Plus, I won't be sad anymore.
08:06I'll be happy.
08:07You see?
08:08Okay, so you can finish college, then what?
08:10I don't know.
08:11Maybe, uh, go to law school?
08:13Others are spinning totally out of control.
08:15Okay, could you try even being a little supportive?
08:18Well, I'm sorry, Carrie, but you know you're throwing a lot at me here out of nowhere.
08:21It's not out of nowhere.
08:23It's always bothered me that I didn't finish school tonight.
08:26You know, gave me a kick in the pants that I needed.
08:29Get thicker pants.
08:33Stop.
08:35Well, what am I supposed to do when you're at your homecoming dances and your pep rallies?
08:40Okay, I'm not going to Rydell High.
08:44And you can take up a hobby.
08:45What about the guitar you made me buy?
08:47That's still in the closet.
08:48You can learn to play that.
08:49Sounds like a lot of effort on my part.
08:51Come on, honey.
08:53Let me go to school.
08:55I'll wear a uniform.
08:58Fine, go to school.
08:59I love you, I love you.
09:00All right.
09:06Off to the morning!
09:07All right.
09:28Wow.
09:29Still studying, huh?
09:30Yep.
09:30Queens College for knowledge, baby.
09:33Hey, uh, how you doing?
09:34Oh, I'm a little stressed.
09:35This philosophy paper's due Tuesday, 9 a.m.
09:38And the professor said if it's not in on time, it's fish wrap.
09:42Well, been pretty busy myself.
09:45Yeah.
09:46Wrote a little song.
09:50You wrote a song?
09:51Mm-hmm.
09:52That's good progress in only one week.
09:54Want to hear it?
09:54I think I need to, yes.
09:56All righty, then.
09:56Here we go.
09:59Duggan, Cary, Duggan, Cary, Duggan, Cary, Duggan, Cary, Duggan, Cary, Duggan, Cary, Duggan, Cary, Duggan, Cary, Duggan, Cary.
10:13Okay.
10:14That is really good.
10:16That is good.
10:16That's good.
10:16I didn't get to the bridge yet.
10:17That's okay.
10:18It gives me something to look forward to.
10:20Okay.
10:21Okay, then.
10:28So you wanna go for pizza?
10:30I can't.
10:30You know, I'm a little under the gun here.
10:33What am I supposed to do?
10:34I don't know.
10:34Play your guitar.
10:36I already did that.
10:40Wrote a song.
10:41Yeah, Dug, come on.
10:42I am under a lot of pressure, okay?
10:44And I'm starting to get a headache, so please.
10:46A headache?
10:46Well, you know what?
10:47Sounds like a little pizza's what you need.
10:48Dug, well, stop it.
10:49Now, come on.
10:50You know how important this is to me?
10:52Okay, yeah.
10:52I also know that you promised me that you'd make time for me.
10:55See, I knew this would happen.
10:55Okay, so I underestimated how hard this was gonna be, all right?
10:59Just cut me a break here.
11:00You're not really that upset because I can't go for pizza, are you?
11:03Because you haven't gone out for pizza in days.
11:07I don't even know you anymore.
11:10It's obvious I am not gonna get any work done here, so if you need me, I will be at
11:15the library.
11:16Believe me, I won't need you.
11:17I'll be too busy here getting my groove on.
11:19Great.
11:25Doug and pizza, Doug and pizza.
11:30Toppings, toppings, toppings, toppings, toppings.
11:35Wow.
11:36You go away for a few years and they totally revamped the menu on you.
11:39Yeah.
11:40So you gonna get something?
11:41No, I can't.
11:42I used up all my fat points for the day.
11:46My God, the chicken strips sound incredible.
11:48What are they?
11:49Lightly breaded?
11:50I'll bet they're lightly breaded, right?
11:51Yeah, I guess they are.
11:52Yep.
11:53What kind of dipping sauce are we talking about?
11:55Honey mustard.
11:56Ah, that's so perfect.
11:57Will you just get them already?
11:59I can't.
12:00I'm dieting.
12:01But if you get the wings, I'll pick at them.
12:03You're not gonna pick at them.
12:05I'll come back from the bathroom.
12:06There'll be chicken bones everywhere
12:07and you'll be huddled in the corner crying.
12:11That is so not true.
12:13I've been very disciplined.
12:15You know that I've lost weight
12:16and you haven't even told me how good I look.
12:19What do you want me to say?
12:20Hey, sis.
12:21Great ass.
12:23Really?
12:24Great how?
12:27I gotta get out of here by nine.
12:28I wanna try to grab a few minutes with Carrie
12:30before she starts to work on her paper.
12:32How sad is that?
12:33I'm married to a person who does homework.
12:36Are you about to go on another rant about this?
12:38Just warn me so I can fling myself into traffic.
12:40Well, I'm sorry, but it's unnatural.
12:42You know?
12:42A grown woman in school,
12:43it's like a 40-year-old guy with braces.
12:49What are you...
12:50Don't look at me like that.
12:51What, you wanna know what I think?
12:52No.
12:53I think you're intimidated by it.
12:54Okay, what'd you get stuck on?
12:55The N or the O?
12:57It's bad.
12:58It's true.
12:59She wants to finish college
13:00and you are petrified that it means she'll leave you behind.
13:03What?
13:04Okay, first of all, I'm a teamster.
13:06I don't petrify.
13:08Second of all,
13:09that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
13:11Fine.
13:14And what if I was afraid of that, huh?
13:16Now, really, think about it.
13:19She aces this class, right?
13:21Finishes college, then goes to law school.
13:23Where does that leave us?
13:24We're having dinner.
13:25She's telling me about the guy she saved in the electric chair.
13:27And I'm like, oh, yeah, really?
13:28I just got a new beaded truck seat.
13:31You know,
13:33instead of thinking about yourself for five minutes,
13:35why don't you start thinking about her?
13:36You know,
13:37all she's trying to do is accomplish something,
13:39to feel better about her life.
13:41Instead of bitching,
13:42maybe you could throw her a little support, hmm?
13:47You're fat.
13:53What I'm saying is,
13:55I think Plato's careful organization of his dialogues
13:58is only one of a lot of devices he used to make his point.
14:01You mean, like, even the setting,
14:03and then the names of the characters
14:04is a deliberate choice he made?
14:06Absolutely.
14:07Matter of course.
14:07Come on, Karen.
14:08You can only sit here
14:09with this dumb smile on your face for so long.
14:13Say something halfway intelligent here.
14:16Problem is,
14:17Plato took great care
14:18not to leave any obvious tracks
14:19of the plans of his dialogues.
14:21Right?
14:22Totally.
14:24That's true.
14:25Ugh.
14:25I'm such an idiot.
14:27Come on, Karen.
14:28You're letting Miss Perky-Bress here show you up.
14:31Look at her with her perky breasts.
14:34Thinking of something smart to say.
14:37She was a very tricky fellow.
14:38Doug and Carrie.
14:39Doug and Carrie.
14:40Doug and Carrie.
14:41Doug and Carrie.
14:41Doug and Carrie.
14:42Oh, my God.
14:42Not now.
14:43Not the stamp song now.
14:46Focus.
14:46You must have one good thing to say about this Play-Doh guy.
14:51You've been reading about him for two weeks.
14:53Of course, that's with working ten hours a day
14:56and trying to care for my dad
14:57and trying to keep a marriage intact.
15:00I'll bet Perky-Bress doesn't have to deal with any of that.
15:04Or Scragglebeard.
15:05Hey, Perky-Bress and Scragglebeard.
15:09Sounds like a new cop show.
15:11Help!
15:11Scragglebeard!
15:12I'm hit!
15:14What do you think, Harry?
15:17Um, I can't help but wonder, you know,
15:21was Play-Doh really a student of Socrates
15:24or was he in many ways a student of himself?
15:27Hm?
15:32Yeah, we just wanted to know if you were in the mood for Chinese.
15:38Totally.
15:56Oh, hi, you're home. Good. Listen, we need to talk.
15:59Yes, we definitely need to talk.
16:01Good. I don't want school to come between us anymore.
16:03I-I know. I know. Me neither. This is great.
16:05Good. That's why I decided I'm gonna quit.
16:07Quit?
16:07Yes. Doug, you don't like me being there.
16:10It's making us argue, so that's it. I'm gone.
16:12Okay.
16:13I was just gonna say that you should stay in school
16:15and that I should be more supportive.
16:16I had a whole speech plan that was gonna lead to great makeup sex.
16:19You're ruining it!
16:22Doug, no, no, no. You got it backwards.
16:24You see, I got caught up in this whole stupid school thing
16:26that I wasn't being supportive of you.
16:28Like with that great Doug and Carrie song,
16:30which, by the way, is growing on me like nobody's business.
16:34So you're doing this for me?
16:35Yes. Turn up your miracle ear, Corky, for you.
16:39I don't want you to do it for me.
16:40Well, too bad. I'm doing it for you.
16:41Well, then don't do it.
16:42Doug, I am doing it. You have no say in the matter.
16:44Why are you fighting me on this?
16:45Because I can't read.
16:51I mean, I can read. No, I can do that.
16:53It's just that I don't understand what the hell it is that I'm reading.
16:56Well, why not?
16:57Doug, I cannot wrap my brain around all of this, you know?
16:59It's like I'm supposed to turn in a ten-page paper on the allegory of the cave,
17:03and I'm still struggling with the concept of two Darrens on Bewitched.
17:08That's it. I thought I was smart enough, but I'm not.
17:11That's crazy, Carrie. You are smart.
17:13Oh, you're just saying that because you're married to me.
17:16Hey, I wouldn't have married you in the first place if you weren't so smart.
17:20Really?
17:21Actually, I probably would have. I was pretty horny then.
17:24Come on! You can't quit now.
17:26Yes, I can.
17:27No, you can't.
17:28Now, come on. We're going back to the library, and we're gonna stay there.
17:31As long as it takes for you to write the paper, we both know you can write.
17:34If that doesn't work, I'll just buy one on the Internet.
17:40Now, just remember, I am here for you.
17:42Your job is to work on the paper. I take care of all else.
17:45Food, waste, etc.
17:47Okay, but I'll take care of my own waste, though.
17:50It's your call.
17:53Oh, man, there's a woman on the microphone machine, and it's the only one, too.
17:57See, this is where having a manager pays off.
17:59Now, you just go sharpen your pencil, and I'll take care of her.
18:14Mmm, wow. God bless America. Tuna in a vending machine.
18:21What's next? Hovercrafts?
18:25You still on this? You gonna be on this long?
18:27Yes, I have quite a bit of work to do.
18:30Ah, gotcha.
18:32No problem. I'll wait.
18:36Mmm, wow. Dinosaurs. Interesting stuff.
18:40Tyrannosaurus Rex, man. Woo!
18:42He's a big fella.
18:43Bet you he had a nice-sized ding-a-ling, huh?
18:50I'm mad his arms are too short to get a go at it, though, eh?
19:02I... I... I've got to go.
19:04Okay. You have a nice day, then, okay?
19:06All right.
19:18Cary. Cary!
19:20Cary!
19:20Play-Doh!
19:22Come on, you can't sleep now. What are you doing?
19:24Oh, no. Where did you go?
19:25I went home to get ready for work. Did you finish the paper?
19:28Oh, well, let me see.
19:29Play-Doh was, uh...
19:32Oregon...
19:32Oh, my God, my head must have fallen on the keyboard.
19:37Look, slap a period on it, and let's blow this clam bait. Come on, it's doing...
19:41Oh, my God, ten minutes.
19:42What? Doc, I still have to print it out, and...
19:44and his office is all the way on the other side of campus. We'll never make it.
19:47Yes, we will.
19:48No, we won't.
19:49Hey, you listen to me, Missy.
19:50I may not be good at much in this life, but I am good at one thing.
19:53Getting packages to where they're going on time, every time.
19:56Overnight service available in the continent of the United States.
19:59No Sunday delivery. For more information, go to www.ips.net.
20:05I had coffee.
20:07Cinderella dressed in yellow
20:10Went upstairs to kiss the fellow
20:13Make a mistake.
20:15Come on.
20:19I can't...
20:22We're gonna make it, aren't we?
20:24Yes, we gotta hurry.
20:31Oh, my God, are you all right?
20:32No, it's fine until the phone landed on me.
20:35Go! Let's go!
20:39Oh, boy.
20:44Okay, everyone.
20:46Um, most of you know me as beer drinking, dart playing.
20:49Slightly mysterious, Doug.
20:52Tonight, meet thoughtful poet with a message, Doug.
20:56Whatever.
20:57Ah, screw y'all.
21:00This one, I'm dedicating to my... my baby.
21:04Who proved that not only does she have the looks in this relationship,
21:06but she's also got the brains by acing her college paper with a C-minus.
21:14Oh, no, no, no, no.
21:15The wings are hers, but, uh, uh, she needs dipping sauce.
21:23All right, can I bet this one?
21:25It's for you.
21:25It's called Love Will Keep Us Together.
21:27Okay.
21:32Love, love will keep us.
21:36Love, love.
21:39Love, love.
21:48Take it, take it.
21:49Take it, take it.
22:06Duggan, carry.
22:07Duggan, carry.
22:25Duggan, carry.
22:49We'll see you next time.
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