- 1 hour ago
The pillow princess shares how she snored as a child while explaining how her nose is bothersome and creating her to snore a lot. It's day 1 of the new diet, new lifestyle. Amberlynn shows us her breakfast before going for a walk with Krystle where she runs into some geese and goes for a jog across a bridge. Later in the evening we find out that Amberlynn "illegally" drove on the road for one minute and was traumatized. And so ends another short-lived era totaling 4 days, as do many of her endeavors, of Amberlynn behind the wheel. They are on their way to Krystle's aunt's house for relationship counseling. She takes a week or so off from vlogging to focus on her relationship with Krystle. When she returns, she has a lot of new updates. We find out later this is the day Destiny slid into the who's here app and started talking to Amberlynn. April 10, 2015. The Destiny era begins. She starts a new Instagram journey called Amberlynnsjourneyto199 to share daily updates. She might have done some damage on the bridge run because she ended up at the doctor’s office getting her knees checked because they were causing her pain while exercising. She says walking is one of the best exercises you can do for yourself, even if she considers it a rookie move. She shares how she hasn’t been on track with the healthy eating and that might be why exercising has been so difficult. She hopes to keep herself accountable and motivated by posting a picture of herself on Instagram once a day. Restarting her journey mid-month, we of course, have a Walmart Haul. The trip to Walmart was accompanied by Red Lobster. She finally films the breakup video, making it YouTube official, that she and Krystle are no longer a couple, but she will continue to live with Krystle and her family until she can find somewhere else to live. In the meantime, she wants to focus on her health. Something that seems to be a problem in their relationship is Amberlynn’s constant filming. She hasn’t taken us in public for a while but now that the breakup is YouTube official, we’re going to Walmart again. It’s game night at grandma’s house. Amberlynn decides it’s time to do the things she’s been putting off while in a relationship, the first being attending an Overeaters Annon meeting. She says she attended meetings with her parents when she was younger and thinks she knows what to expect going into an OE meeting. Her first attempt doesn’t go as planned because of a higher power not being on her side today. Amberlynn starts a new series she calls a weight loss diaries video. She estimates 80% of her clothing in her closet no longer fits her because of being off track for so long. She finds it easier to keep herself accountable when Krystle suggests she not grab an extra bar for Amberlynn from downstairs. We take a quick look into the future 5 months from now when Amberlynn is on Weight Watchers but not on track.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00Good morning, everybody. This is my new hairstyle, and I think everyone should rock it.
00:05My Charlie. What are you doing?
00:09Hear him purring.
00:17You only purr like that when you're around me, huh, baby?
00:21Yes.
00:31Last night was the first night that I slept in my new bed, and I'm actually very curious if it
00:36helped with my snoring. I've been snoring since I was legit three years old. My parents used to
00:41tell me that I, like, moaned in my sleep, and I made, like, all kinds of racket noises.
00:52I still sometimes do those things. I'm definitely gonna ask Crystal, like, how I sounded when I
00:57slept last night. I think snoring has also a lot to do with, you know, the tip of pillows you
01:02use.
01:02I also am using a new pillow.
01:05What are you doing?
01:07I am organizing things so more can fit in here because I think you're buying six pillows.
01:13Are you literally buying six pillows?
01:15Yes.
01:18What is that?
01:19She is buying six pillows. Like, who needs six pillows? I mean, you only sleep with, like, one or two.
01:25No, I'm a pillow princess.
01:28The queen of pillow mountains.
01:34So you're buying extra firm pillows.
01:39They're really not that bad.
01:42They're really not that bad.
01:44I don't know about this.
01:46Oh my gosh, we're gonna break it.
01:48Oh my gosh, we're gonna break it unless you bust it.
01:52Oh my gosh, you're crazy.
01:55Are you, do you got six pillows? I mean...
01:57There's six pillows.
01:58One, two, three, four, five, and six.
02:05Okay.
02:05Pillow princess.
02:07Oh my gosh.
02:08Girl.
02:10We got this.
02:11She's in the shower right now, so I'm gonna wait until she gets out and then I'm gonna ask her.
02:14It's weird though.
02:15For a while there, I wasn't snoring, like, too bad.
02:17And then a couple months ago, I got, like, really, really sick.
02:20Like, it was, like, a cold flu.
02:22That's what I like to call it because there's no way it was just a cold because it was so
02:25bad,
02:26but I wasn't puking or anything, so I'm not sure.
02:28Anyways, when that was happening, that's when I started snoring, like, the most
02:32because my nose was all clogged and, like, I was like, oh, dying.
02:36My nose is definitely still bothersome and it's created me to snore a lot, so Crystal,
02:42again, is not sleeping with me.
02:44I'm all by myself.
02:45She didn't even fall asleep in here last night at all.
02:47It makes me so sad.
02:48It was really hard for me to fall asleep because she wasn't next to me because I'm so used to
02:52that.
02:52It just sucks so bad.
02:53Gonna have some Special K vanilla almonds.
02:57I like to weigh my stuff over, like, getting a measuring cup because this is more accurate.
03:03Coming out like a slow poke.
03:06Oh my god!
03:08Since I want to add the milk, all I do is press this, then it goes back to zero.
03:13The serving is obviously eight ounces, even though it doesn't say that on here.
03:18So I'm going to do four ounces because I only want half a serving, so I moved it to ounces.
03:23Bam!
03:23Gravy boat.
03:24So that's still.
03:25Oh, and there I go.
03:27How about I just go blog?
03:29Breakfast is served.
03:35Crystal and I are about to go walk on Canal Path Trail.
03:40I'm so excited.
03:42Here, other steps ahead.
03:44Biker's dismount.
03:45God, I wish I had a bike.
03:47Fall in here.
03:49We're not going to fall in here.
03:52Why not?
03:53It's like saying things like that.
03:58It's so pretty out, though, actually.
04:00I love this.
04:03I spy some ducks.
04:06Hey, Percy.
04:08Hey, there's a duck in my head.
04:10I'm a goose, you effing tool.
04:17Ain't sharing my score with no fucking duck.
04:23I'm a goose, asshole.
04:25And I said duck.
04:31Hey, guys.
04:32I was like four years old.
04:33I got ran over by a goose.
04:34I wish I was lying.
04:38It's so pretty out.
04:39I love it.
05:03Look how beautiful this is, you guys.
05:06Crystal and I are enjoying this so much.
05:09Right there, I spy some turtles.
05:13Look at them.
05:17You turn.
05:19Currently, Crystal and I are...
05:21I just got done driving for a little bit, by the way,
05:23and I ended up driving on the road.
05:24I know it's illegal, but I didn't...
05:26It literally lasted probably a minute total,
05:29and I was literally traumatized.
05:30It's dark out, so let me open that thing.
05:32We're currently going to go to Crystal's aunt's place
05:37because we need to talk to her about something.
05:39I don't really feel comfortable sharing any of it yet,
05:43but I will definitely let you guys know why I've been...
05:47You know, like, in the past couple videos,
05:50my face was extremely swollen,
05:51and I told you I've been doing a lot of crying.
05:53It's about that,
05:55and I will definitely let you guys know the whole shenanigans one day,
06:00but right now, I'm just not ready,
06:01and I just need someone to talk to,
06:03so we're going to go to Crystal's aunt's house
06:06because Crystal's aunt is honestly, like,
06:08one of my BFFs, got to say.
06:10Yeah.
06:11Look.
06:13Oh.
06:16Look at her little face.
06:18Look at her face.
06:21Get it.
06:22Oh, you want it?
06:25Ready?
06:28How she hopped.
06:31Oh, God.
06:32Where'd she go?
06:32Oh, there you are.
06:33What are you doing?
06:34Where is it?
06:35Where'd she go?
06:36J.
06:39We just got home.
06:40There was obviously a lot of crying involved.
06:42My face is extremely red.
06:44That's okay.
06:45I'm really just grateful for Crystal's aunt
06:47and the type of person she is.
06:49Her and I have become insanely close,
06:51and I'm really, really grateful for that.
06:52I'm going to end the vlog.
06:53I'm super, super tired.
06:54It's a little after 2 a.m.
06:56I will see you in my next vlog.
06:57Bye.
06:58Good morning, everybody.
06:59I have not vlogged in,
07:01I want to say, about nine days.
07:02I have done a lot of fun adventures.
07:05I have played mini golf.
07:07I have done real golf.
07:09We bought actual, like, expensive golf clubs now.
07:13We have a new table.
07:15Our new bed came in,
07:16literally the most comfortable thing
07:17I've ever felt in my life.
07:18A lot of changes have happened
07:19in the last just nine days.
07:21We started talking on April 10th.
07:23I did film a really long video
07:25explaining the bad news
07:26and just the sadness that I was going through,
07:29but I ended up deleting it subconsciously.
07:31I just didn't feel comfortable
07:32sharing that on the internet.
07:34Something that has been asked repeatedly,
07:37did you and Destiny break up?
07:38Did you and Destiny break up?
07:40Did you and Destiny break up?
07:41I filmed a video regarding that.
07:43Today is January 24th.
07:45I'm not sure when that video is going to be up,
07:47mainly because it's just a lot.
07:50Hey, guys.
07:50I have actually already filmed this video.
07:52It was over 18 minutes.
07:53I did nothing but cry the whole video,
07:55hence why my cheeks are so red right now.
07:57I took about a two-hour break after that video.
08:01I said to myself,
08:02I wouldn't feel right uploading that video.
08:04I don't want to come on here
08:05and cry the whole video.
08:07I filmed it about 20 minutes ago
08:10and I gained some type of composure.
08:13I'm going to end this vlog.
08:14I'm honestly not even sure
08:15that I am going to even talk about it
08:18in a vlog quite yet.
08:19As for like my weight loss and whatnot,
08:21I am so like on and off.
08:23It is pathetic.
08:24Today I weighed in at,
08:26it was 405 point something,
08:28which is tragic.
08:29I have not weighed this much
08:30in probably five years plus.
08:33I actually weigh more now
08:36than I did when I first moved in with Crystal.
08:38It's hard to believe I walked in this house
08:40over three years ago at 404.4
08:43and then I lost 89 pounds and gained it all back.
08:46Plus some of the famous 89 LBs
08:49that I always talk about.
08:50I lost 89 pounds,
08:50eating nothing but rice and potatoes.
08:52I made this up completely myself.
08:53I'm doing a challenge
08:54where I take a photo a day of my body
08:56and I post it onto Instagram.
08:58I really want to see my transformation.
09:00My big overall goal is to be 199.8 one day.
09:04If I'm ever in Wonderland,
09:05the 100s,
09:06I literally will just die.
09:08I have been wanting to kind of
09:10see the progression happen.
09:11I'm super excited for it.
09:12If you guys want to follow me on Instagram,
09:14my Instagram is
09:17amberlandsjourney2199.
09:18I will post it right here
09:19so you guys can kind of see.
09:21Today is actually day 9 or 10.
09:24I'm pretty sure today is day 10 to be honest.
09:26I post a lot about my weight loss journey on Instagram.
09:29I don't so much speak about it on YouTube
09:31like all the time like I used to
09:33because there is more to me than just weight loss.
09:35I'm actually starting this program.
09:37It's HasFit's free 30-day low-impact beginner workout program.
09:41It looks something like this.
09:42I'm actually really, really, really excited.
09:45This kind of just explains it and stuff.
09:47And then here is the program.
09:48So day one,
09:49which is today
09:50because I'm starting it today.
09:51I have to click here
09:52and then do this video.
09:54Day two,
09:54I click here and do this video.
09:55Day three,
09:56and then so on and so forth.
09:57And it's a 30-day program.
09:59If you guys want to see if I do,
10:01I will mention it more in some of my vlogs,
10:03but mostly I will talk about it on Instagram.
10:05So again, follow me there.
10:06Another thing about this
10:07is that you can get a free meal plan type thing.
10:11I already did it.
10:12All you have to do is put in your email address,
10:13first name, and your gender,
10:15and they send it to you.
10:16They give you a grocery list
10:18of things that are appropriate to eat,
10:19healthy foods.
10:21They tell you how much protein and carbs
10:23and this and that
10:24you should be eating with each meal.
10:25And they want you to eat five meals a day.
10:27It's actually really, really, really awesome.
10:29So I definitely recommend this to anybody
10:31who really wishes they had a trainer
10:32or someone to help them,
10:34but doesn't have the money for it.
10:35I just laid down and I realized,
10:37oh my God, I did not vlog anything today.
10:39I didn't even close out my vlog.
10:41Like, look at me.
10:41I was ready to like hit the hay.
10:43I just wanted to end my vlog
10:44and I'll see you guys in the next one.
10:45Bye.
10:46Hello, everybody.
10:47I kind of just wanted to give you guys an update.
10:49I really, really, really wanted to start this workout program.
10:52I did start it.
10:53And for some reason,
10:54my knees were really bothering me
10:56and this has never happened before.
11:07Normally when I work out,
11:09like I do something really hard that I'm not used to.
11:11Obviously, I'm gonna have some sort of pains.
11:13I also had a calf pain.
11:15Normally I accept it and I'm like,
11:17oh, okay, you know,
11:18my muscles are getting to work out,
11:19something they're not used to.
11:20I had a pain the other day
11:21that was far more worse than I've ever felt
11:24and it didn't feel really like a muscle pain.
11:26It was like this sharp,
11:28almost as if someone was like putting a knife
11:31into my calf and just going down and twisting it.
11:34It didn't feel normal.
11:35It didn't feel right.
11:35I ended up going to the doctor
11:37and they told me that the activities I was doing
11:39was too strenuous,
11:40especially because I haven't been working out.
11:42It's really like a big letdown to me
11:44because I was really looking forward to this.
11:46I'm just going to have to stick with walking.
11:49Walking is kind of like a rookie move, I understand,
11:51but walking is actually one of the best exercises
11:53you can do for yourself.
11:54I just feel like it's my best option.
11:56I really want to do this program
11:57and I'm gonna work myself up to that point.
11:59I shouldn't have just jumped into it
12:01because I really haven't been exercising lately.
12:03I've been eating horrid,
12:05like absolutely horrid.
12:06I haven't felt this awful in a really long time.
12:09I see how big I have become.
12:11It's really sad for me to see.
12:13I really feel like I'm in a fat suit
12:15screaming to get out.
12:16I really feel like I'm not meant to be this person.
12:19I'm not meant to look this way.
12:20I'm not meant to feel this way.
12:21I'm using Instagram as a big platform for me.
12:25I talk a lot about my weight loss.
12:27If you guys didn't see my last vlog,
12:28I am doing a photo a day of my body on Instagram
12:31until I reach 199.8 pounds.
12:34I know it's gonna be terribly hard
12:36and it's gonna take me a long time to get there,
12:37especially if I keep backpedaling
12:39and I take one step forward
12:41and literally 50 steps back.
12:43I need to figure myself out really quickly.
12:45Today is Sunday.
12:46Obviously, tomorrow's Monday.
12:47Since I've started YouTube,
12:48I know I've said it over 100 times,
12:51probably more,
12:52and that's not exaggerating,
12:53but this is my life.
12:55This is the truth.
12:56This is me in the raw.
12:57This video is so raw, you guys.
13:00Fuck.
13:01Fuck me.
13:02Like, damn.
13:03I know how to lose weight.
13:03I'm very good at it.
13:04I know it's healthy.
13:05I know it's not.
13:06When I see her eat something that's bad for her,
13:09it breaks my heart
13:10because she doesn't understand nutrition like I do.
13:13I know how to eat in moderation,
13:14but I never use any of these key opponents.
13:19And I just binge.
13:21I literally feel like I'm taken over by, like, a robot.
13:23I start walking tomorrow.
13:24Walking really will melt away the pounds,
13:26so I'm kind of excited for that,
13:28especially for someone my weight.
13:29Just gonna start eating healthier and less.
13:31I need your guys' support.
13:32I need your guys' help.
13:33Again, follow me on Instagram
13:34if you want to watch more of my journey there
13:37because I will be, you know,
13:38kind of just engaging more there
13:40regarding my journey than I do in vlogs.
13:42Lately, I've noticed I've been talking a lot
13:43about my weight loss journey in vlogs,
13:45so who knows?
13:46Maybe my weight loss journey will be back more so
13:48because for a while there,
13:49I just kind of stopped talking about it.
13:50Even when I was on track,
13:51I kind of just didn't talk about it.
13:53I just came back from Walmart.
13:55I'm gonna sit you guys down.
13:56And I got this cute little tumbler
13:59because I want to start drinking my water cold
14:01from a straw because I can drink water
14:04so much faster from a straw.
14:05It's very weird.
14:06But it just happens.
14:07I gotta clean this first before I put my way.
14:09I'm sorry.
14:10And then I got this to put in the fridge,
14:12which matches my tumbler.
14:14I'm gonna put ice water and lemon slices in here
14:17because lemon water is actually really good for you.
14:19And put it in the fridge.
14:20And then use this little thing
14:21and put in the water in here and yeah.
14:23I want to drink a lot of water.
14:25Drinking lots of water is a good,
14:27you know, a good thing.
14:28When I give you guys advice,
14:29it's true advice.
14:30I wouldn't ever give advice
14:31unless I knew like I was 100% right
14:33because that's just the type of person I am.
14:35And honestly, drink lots of water
14:36because it flushes out toxins
14:38and it really does help you lose water weight.
14:40It helps you lose more like sodium in your body.
14:42And it's just good to kind of flush out your body.
14:45And one thing about weight loss
14:46that I've recently learned actually,
14:48because I didn't tell you guys,
14:49I did talk to a trainer.
14:51I did not tell you guys
14:52because I don't know.
14:53I kind of wanted it to be personal,
14:55but now you guys know.
14:56Something that the trainer told me
14:57was that if you need to lose
14:59a really, really, really, really, really,
15:01really, really big amount of weight,
15:02you need to drink lots of water
15:04because what that will do is
15:05it'll keep you dehydrated,
15:07which will help with excess skin.
15:10Drinking a lot of water will help
15:11because when your skin is super dry,
15:13it actually causes more excess skin.
15:15That's my update.
15:17Crystal?
15:18What are you doing?
15:19Today, Crystal and I went to Red Lobster.
15:21Not the best choice.
15:23I ate everything you can think of.
15:24I ate an appetizer,
15:28a salad,
15:31my main meal,
15:34three pieces of bread,
15:38and I ate a dessert.
15:43That's all I really wanted to say for today.
15:45And if you want to see my outfit,
15:46you should go to my Instagram.
15:47What?
15:48Because, again,
15:49I'm doing full body pictures
15:50every single day.
15:51Today, I'm day 12.
15:52I've done this for 12 days.
15:54Rambling!
15:55You guys probably haven't heard me ramble
15:56in forever,
15:57so some of you like that.
15:58Some of you like that.
16:01What?
16:02What?
16:02What?
16:02What?
16:03What?
16:03What?
16:04I'll see you guys later.
16:05Bye.
16:06Hello, everybody.
16:07This is probably gonna come at you guys as a surprise
16:09because it came at me as a surprise, definitely.
16:11Don't mind the blanket.
16:12Don't mind my swollen eyes and crazy hair.
16:15I literally just woke up.
16:17I'm gonna make this video as short as possible.
16:19I was going through something the last quite a few vlogs,
16:22to be honest.
16:23Doing a lot of crying off the camera.
16:25Trying to figure stuff out.
16:27A lot of people guessed what I was going through.
16:29I'm not sure how.
16:30Lucky guessed.
16:31About a month ago,
16:32I was having some troubles in my relationship.
16:35Hello, everybody.
16:36Crystal's playing some fighting game.
16:38What is this called?
16:42It's called EFC.
16:43UFC.
16:44UFC.
16:45Which one are you?
16:47The one with the tattoos.
16:49The one with the...
16:50So the red?
16:51Hmm.
16:52Okay.
16:53Whoop his butt.
16:56I'm just wearing a blue shirt
16:57with a holy cardigan.
17:00Sorry, Crystal.
17:01I just like slapped her.
17:02I really need to clean this mirror.
17:06I'm recording.
17:08It's running.
17:09Okay.
17:09What are you eating?
17:13Clip bar, clip, clip, clip bar.
17:14Yeah, I ate.
17:15Here's your thing.
17:16I ate downstairs.
17:18I'm editing the whole thing.
17:20I'm editing it.
17:21Sorry, I have five minutes.
17:22We wrote down so many things.
17:24We played this a lot,
17:25and you just, you know,
17:27you choose one.
17:29You got it.
17:29You got to guess it.
17:31Crystal's making racket.
17:32Don't mind her.
17:33Are you done?
17:34Yeah, I'm done.
17:36Pin the tail on Dorky.
17:37Yeah, you've had this one before,
17:39and I got it wrong.
17:39That's why.
17:41Please do not mind my swollen eyes
17:43and my swollen face.
17:44I know it's extremely noticeable.
17:46The last two days have been really,
17:48really, really, really hard for me.
17:49I have done my fair share of crying.
17:51I don't plan on crying for a long time.
17:53I'm going through some things right now.
17:55I think I'll be okay.
17:56I think sometimes you have to hit that rock bottom
17:59to move forward and to start over.
18:01According to Crystal,
18:02that's me,
18:03and that's her,
18:04and that's love.
18:05If you guys ever want to find me
18:07on MyFitnessPal,
18:08it must be a rarity.
18:09I just weighed in today,
18:11and that was just in two days.
18:12Isn't that insane?
18:13Yeah, Crystal,
18:13I had me as a friend.
18:15Crystal's right?
18:17What'd you find?
18:18Let me see.
18:19She's going to get some Xbox cards.
18:22I keep about 99% of my life private,
18:25and the other 1% I end up telling you.
18:28Crystal and I were having, like, a little issue.
18:30We were trying to work it out for about two weeks.
18:32We didn't tell anybody.
18:34We just kept everything private completely.
18:36On April 1st,
18:37everything kind of blew up into smoke.
18:39We decided to break up.
18:41We're currently going to go to Crystal's aunt's place
18:45because we need to talk to her about something.
18:47I don't really feel comfortable sharing any of it yet,
18:51but I will definitely let you guys know
18:54why I've been, you know, like,
18:56in the past couple videos,
18:57my face was extremely swollen,
18:59and I told you I've been doing a lot of crying.
19:01It's about that,
19:03and I will definitely let you guys know
19:05the whole shenanigans one day,
19:08but right now I'm just not ready,
19:09and I just need someone to talk to,
19:11so we're going to go to Crystal's aunt's house
19:14because Crystal's aunt is honestly, like,
19:16one of my BFFs, gotta say.
19:18I made a video on April 3rd,
19:21two days after the breakup.
19:22I literally cried the whole video.
19:25It was 14 minutes long.
19:27I was literally a mess.
19:28I never felt so heartbroken in my life
19:31because I love Crystal
19:32more than I have ever loved anybody in my whole life.
19:35Today is April 13th.
19:37It has been 10 days since that video was made.
19:39I deleted the video
19:41because I told you guys why we broke up.
19:43I opened up about the whole situation,
19:45but it just didn't feel right to upload to YouTube.
19:48I had a gut feeling that it wasn't right,
19:50so I deleted it.
19:51Another reason why I deleted it
19:52is because about five days after Crystal and I broke up,
19:56Crystal looked at me,
19:57and she told me that she missed me.
19:59She feels like she'll be with me again one day.
20:02It's complicated.
20:03It's a very confusing situation
20:04because I'm still living with her.
20:06We tried to take the most grown-up approach
20:09over just the whole situation.
20:10We told everybody individually.
20:12The first thought that a lot of people thought
20:15was that I'd be moving,
20:16and a lot of people cried
20:17because they didn't want me to move,
20:19and eye-opening how much people care for me here
20:21and how I'm loved and wanted, it's crazy.
20:24Crystal and I are the bestest of friends
20:26you could ever imagine.
20:27We have a connection
20:28that I don't think we'd ever be able to find
20:30with anybody else.
20:31On April 1st and April 2nd, April 3rd, 4th,
20:34I cried more times than I could ever imagine.
20:47We're currently gonna go to Crystal's aunt's place
20:52because we need to talk to her about something.
20:53We just got home.
20:55There was obviously a lot of crying involved.
20:57My face is extremely red.
20:59That's okay.
21:00I'm really just grateful for Crystal's aunt
21:02and the type of person she is.
21:04You guys probably saw,
21:05I completely just gave up on vlogging for a little bit.
21:08Like, I didn't vlog as much.
21:09I didn't make videos as much.
21:11I have not vlogged in,
21:12I wanna say about nine days.
21:14I've done a lot of fun adventures.
21:16I was so broken.
21:18I was so depressed.
21:19Anything I'd look at,
21:20I would just cry.
21:22I'd look at Crystal and just cry,
21:24but I tried my hardest to keep my mind preoccupied.
21:26I saw a trainer.
21:27I was doing job applications.
21:29I was playing golf.
21:31But then when she told me that she misses me
21:33and she feels like we'll be together again one day,
21:35it made me have hope.
21:36I just wanted to tell you guys that yes,
21:38we broke up.
21:39I don't know how some people guessed it.
21:41I really have no idea.
21:49When I admitted it on one of my social links
21:52that you guys communicate to me,
21:54some people were calling me a liar.
21:55Definitely not a liar.
21:57I was in this relationship thinking
21:58we'd be together forever
22:00because that's what we'd say.
22:02Something changed
22:02and there's nothing I could do about it.
22:04I would never keep someone in a relationship
22:06if they didn't feel it was right.
22:08That's not the type of person I am.
22:10A part of me wishes
22:12I would have never deleted
22:13the video I made on April 3rd.
22:15It was so raw and I was a mess.
22:18I didn't feel like I was strong enough
22:20to upload that video.
22:21I knew I'd get a lot of grief.
22:23A lot of people would be harsh with me
22:25and I just could not deal.
22:27Time heals.
22:28Of course, I'm not healed all the way
22:29because Crystal really is my everything.
22:31Now, she's not my girlfriend.
22:33She's my best friend.
22:34It hurts to say
22:35and there's so many times where I look at her
22:37and I just want to hold her and hug her
22:39and tell her how much I love her
22:40and I wish, like, I could, but I can't.
22:42Hello, everybody.
22:43When I first started YouTube,
22:44this was purely for weight loss.
22:46I wanted to film vlogs
22:48and talk about my weight loss.
22:49I was going downhill
22:50and I was going downhill very quickly
22:52so I completely stopped.
22:54I was a little bit embarrassed.
22:55I was just let down with myself.
22:57It's almost as if I just didn't care
22:59about talking about it anymore
23:01because it was always, like, so back and forth.
23:03I just couldn't gain control
23:04and I haven't been able to gain control.
23:06I thought maybe I just stopped talking
23:08about my weight loss so much
23:09that it would help me in a way.
23:11I'm filming this to say
23:12that I really do want to start talking
23:13about my weight loss more,
23:14mainly for myself.
23:16I want to make weight loss diaries for myself.
23:19I have been going back
23:21looking at my older videos
23:23of me losing weight
23:24and when I was, like, 350 pounds,
23:27my face was so much smaller.
23:30Hello, everybody.
23:42I was happier.
23:43I looked happier.
23:45I sounded happier.
23:45I was weighing in all the time,
23:47counting calories better.
23:49Last time I stepped on the scale for me,
23:50I was 405
23:51and then I stepped on it again today
23:53and it kept saying error.
23:54Couldn't even weigh me.
23:55It was so upsetting.
23:56The scale that we have was, like, $130
23:59and it was meant for people my size
24:02and it wouldn't even work.
24:03I need to be back on track.
24:05I need my clothes to fit me again.
24:07I need to stop breathing so hard all the time.
24:09I miss being 350 pounds.
24:11Like, what?
24:12It feels really odd to say that
24:14because when I was 350 pounds,
24:16I was begging to be smaller than that
24:18and now I really want to be 350 pounds again.
24:20I am going to try my hardest, you guys.
24:24Just try so hard.
24:26I have so much going on right now
24:28between my breakup,
24:30between just finding out little stupid things
24:34with my family that I just,
24:35I shake my head and all, all the time.
24:37I actually recently just found out
24:39that my mom's living in a tent.
24:41She lives in Oklahoma,
24:42so they have really, really horrible weather lately.
24:44I'm just so worried.
24:46All this stuff happens.
24:47The only thing I want is food.
24:49Food makes me feel good.
24:51What I want to try doing
24:52is I want to try making a video a day,
24:55whether it be at the end of the night
24:56or at the beginning of the day.
24:58I just want to talk about how I'm feeling,
25:00open up a bit more about my weight loss,
25:01talk about how I did,
25:03some of the things I'm eating,
25:04the workouts I'm doing.
25:05I want to be more involved in my weight loss.
25:08I want it to be something that I strive to change
25:11because more than anything,
25:12I want to lose this weight.
25:13I want to become healthier.
25:15I want to be the person I'm meant to be.
25:16I hope you guys are still open to me
25:18talking about my weight loss journey
25:19with you guys more
25:20because I feel like it's really what I need to do.
25:23I need to stop beating around the bush,
25:25effing up,
25:26stop, stop, stop,
25:27and listen to my heart.
25:28More than anything,
25:29my heart wants change.
25:31My Instagram name is Amberlynn's Journey to 199
25:34because that is my goal weight,
25:36199.8 pounds.
25:37I hope you guys enjoyed this video.
25:38I hope you guys are excited for this
25:40because I sure am.
25:41Today was supposed to be my first day back on track.
25:43I was trying to log calories.
25:45I went over my calories.
25:46Not by like a gigantic amount,
25:49but enough to make me mad.
25:50Tomorrow is a new day.
25:51You will get another video for me.
25:53Oh, I'll see you then.
25:54Bye.
25:55Hello, everybody.
25:56So welcome to another video of my weight loss diaries.
26:00I'm making these videos for me.
26:01I realized in the last couple of days,
26:03I've been watching a lot of my old videos
26:05and I actually really thoroughly enjoy going back
26:08and watching them.
26:09I used to film a lot about my feelings,
26:11my struggles.
26:12It was almost a day-to-day thing.
26:14I really like going back to see that.
26:15I'm not sure if I'm going to do daily videos
26:18regarding my weight loss,
26:19just sometimes.
26:21I haven't yet decided.
26:22Yesterday for my exercise,
26:23I did Leslie Sansone, a walking DVD,
26:26and today I did Zumba
26:28and I actually had a really, really good time doing it.
26:30It was super hard, super fun,
26:32and I got my heart a pumping.
26:33I was a sweating.
26:34I was a panting.
26:35I was a rocking it.
26:36I really like how if you type in Zumba on YouTube,
26:40so many videos will pop up.
26:41Like, hard for beginners.
26:43You can do it to Latin music.
26:45You can do it to pop music.
26:46You can do it to rock.
26:48Anything.
26:48It's freaking awesome and it's for free.
26:50I have been watching a few people on YouTube lately
26:52who do not count calories
26:54and they purely just started eating healthier
26:56and they've been losing a lot of weight from it.
26:58I know there are so many different ways to lose weight.
27:01You can count your macros.
27:02You can count your calories.
27:03You can count points.
27:05Weight loss surgery.
27:06I really, really believe that you eat what you buy.
27:09When you're in that store,
27:11buy bananas, buy pineapple, buy peas, buy lean meat.
27:14That is what's gonna be in your fridge
27:16and that is gonna be what you are eating.
27:18If I'm in the store and I buy ice cream or candy
27:21and it's in the house, I will eat it.
27:23It's very, very bad.
27:25I indulge far too much.
27:27I binge far too much.
27:28I feel like I'm not in control of my body sometimes.
27:31A goal for myself this week is when I go grocery shopping,
27:34I want to buy what I want to eat,
27:37what I see myself eating in a healthy way.
27:40I'm really tired of being at the store
27:42and buying things that I know I shouldn't,
27:44but I still do and then when I'm at home bored
27:46or just hungry, head hunger, I eat those things
27:49and I don't wanna be like that.
27:50If I get hungry, I wanna grab an apple, not a Snickers.
27:53Something else I'm working on is I'm chugging my water.
27:56This is my second one of these today.
27:58This is a 32 ounce.
28:00So I think I should probably try to aim
28:02for three of these a day.
28:03I am gonna try to weigh in tomorrow.
28:05As you guys know, my scale read error a couple days ago.
28:08I'm not sure how the weigh-in's gonna go.
28:10As for my eating today, I did go over calories yet again.
28:13Calories make me feel extremely restricted.
28:17It almost sabotages me in a way.
28:19I'm going to stop counting calories
28:21and I'm just gonna kinda eat like a normal person
28:24as I call it.
28:24Everything I ate today was insanely healthy,
28:27but I went over those calories.
28:28So it makes me feel guilty and I feel bad
28:31and I shouldn't because as long as I'm eating healthy,
28:34I will see a weight loss.
28:35Everyone's journey is different.
28:37Everyone's gonna lose weight differently.
28:38Sharing your journey with others might inspire other people,
28:42might make people realize that they can do it as well.
28:44I have gained pretty much all my weight back.
28:46I plan on losing all of it again.
28:48I'm gonna take it in short strides
28:50with your guys' support and other people's support.
28:52And I appreciate all support just from all walks of life
28:55because I really need it.
28:57It's something that I hold dear to my heart
28:59in a weight loss journey.
29:00Support is key to me.
29:01I will see you in my next vlog.
29:02I hope you guys had a great day.
29:04Bye.
29:04Good morning, everybody.
29:05I just made something super delicious.
29:08Organic jasmine rice,
29:09organic ground turkey,
29:11a bunch of vegetables that I kinda made smaller
29:13so they weren't like some gigantic thing.
29:15I have cauliflower, carrots, and broccoli.
29:18I used a bunch of organic, low-sodium seasoning.
29:21I might add some sriracha,
29:23but I think it tastes good like this.
29:24I do like the spice of sriracha.
29:26Don't forget to drink your water.
29:27I just now uploaded the video
29:29where I kinda just tell you guys
29:31that Crystal and I did break up.
29:32I kinda feel like a big weight is lifted off my shoulders
29:35now that you guys know.
29:36I was hiding it for a little bit there.
29:38I was hiding our struggles.
29:39I was really honestly just so depressed and so sad.
29:42That's why I stopped filming videos for a couple weeks.
29:45I would probably do like a video a week.
29:48I had so many old videos
29:49that I was able to upload them kinda consistently,
29:52so you guys might not have noticed.
29:54By the way, I was going to weigh in today
29:56and let you guys know how that went,
29:58but I totally forgot I ended up eating,
29:59and then I was like,
30:00no, I'm not weighing myself after I eat
30:02because I do not do that.
30:03I always weigh myself right before I eat my first meal.
30:06Outfit of the day.
30:07These black earrings.
30:08I don't remember where I got them from, though.
30:10Black bulb statement necklace that I got from Walmart.
30:13Carrots in a bun, as always.
30:16Pearl ring from shopmissay.com.
30:18I'm just wearing a purple tank top
30:20with a black neti cardigan.
30:22These are the type of cardigans
30:24that you can wear literally in the summer,
30:26in the spring, in the fall, in the winter.
30:28It is a cardigan, but it has holes,
30:30and it's super thin.
30:33Crystal and I are about to go pick up her grandma.
30:36My grandma.
30:37We're gonna take her grocery shopping.
30:39Drink all my water.
30:40Refilled it.
30:40Come and prepared.
30:41All these glasses are super tiny looking.
30:48Whoa.
30:51Everything looks like I'm drunk.
30:53Hello.
31:00And now I look like a librarian.
31:02Yes.
31:05I look like a librarian.
31:10Right now we're at grandma's house.
31:12We're gonna spend the night,
31:12not spend the night, like, sleep,
31:14but we're gonna spend the rest of the night with her.
31:16We're gonna have to play games and stuff.
31:17I really enjoy her company.
31:18Don't you?
31:20Crystal.
31:22She has pogo.com,
31:23and she's, like, super obsessed with it,
31:25so she wanted to show us,
31:26and now we're playing some of the games on there.
31:33What are you doing?
31:35Are you recording this?
31:38Are you?
31:40What is she doing?
31:41I don't know.
31:44Are you recording right now?
31:50What are you doing?
31:57Why?
31:58I don't have any teeth in.
32:00Oh, my God.
32:00I just laughed for a full minute straight.
32:03Badlands National Park is located in which state?
32:06Idaho, South Dakota, or Texas?
32:09South Dakota.
32:10Yeah.
32:11Yay!
32:11I'm just guessing.
32:13Badlands.
32:13Wait, what color are you?
32:15Red.
32:16And I swear to God in heaven,
32:18I have not opened this box since y'all left.
32:22Did you figure it out?
32:23Not yet.
32:24I don't think we played a research line.
32:26Our other rule.
32:27The genius thing.
32:30Well, we could just play where,
32:32if you get it right, okay, move on.
32:34And you'll get a second turn, so.
32:35All right.
32:36Whose turn is it?
32:36Crystal?
32:37Pears.
32:38Okay.
32:38I wrote all myself.
32:40Wait, no.
32:40I just want to go around that way.
32:43No, you go clockwise.
32:44I get confused.
32:45Okay, okay.
32:46Every single time you sat here,
32:47she went after you,
32:48and then I went after her,
32:49so that would be you.
32:51Okay.
32:53History.
32:54What region was explored by Giovanni de Varenzano?
32:59Northeast, Northwest, Southeast, or Southwest?
33:03Southwest.
33:04Northeast.
33:05Bah!
33:07It is literally 4 a.m.,
33:09and Crystal and I are on our way home from her grandma's house.
33:13We literally spent the whole night with her.
33:16Had a really, really good time.
33:17I was a little bothered throughout the day, though,
33:21and throughout the night.
33:22On Ask FM, a lot of people are kind of just harassing me about my breakup.
33:27Crystal broke up with me.
33:28I don't think it's my right to say why she did that.
33:32That is her business,
33:34so that is not my business to share,
33:37if that makes sense.
33:38Until everyone's comments who are super, super sweet,
33:41I appreciate that more than I could ever even express,
33:44and I really do hope that everything works out between us.
33:50Makes me sad.
33:51I hope you guys enjoyed this vlog.
33:52A lot of people are saying they missed my vlog.
33:54I will see you guys in my next video.
33:55Bye.
33:56Hello, everybody.
33:57I'm looking up Overeaters Anonymous.
33:59I have an eating disorder.
34:01It's taken over my whole life.
34:03I almost feel like I've wasted 24 years of my life to this eating disorder.
34:06It's not who I want to be.
34:08As a young girl, I went to NA, which is Narcotics Anonymous.
34:11AA, which is Alcoholics Anonymous.
34:14Not for me.
34:14My parents, they are drug addicts, and they currently still are.
34:18They would go to those meetings constantly
34:20when they were trying to better themselves,
34:22so I know what to expect.
34:25I just am insanely nervous.
34:27I'm not sure if I'm going to go today.
34:28I will definitely keep you guys posted.
34:30A few things that are worrying me about the situation,
34:33it's in a church.
34:34I'm agnostic.
34:35I'm actually extremely shy.
34:36I know I don't come off as shy.
34:38I'm really nervous to be meeting a bunch of other people
34:40who are going through the same thing.
34:42I truly feel like I'm still going to be the only obese one,
34:45and it makes me feel very nervous, awkward, and anxious.
34:48I do not want to talk in front of all these strangers.
34:50I hope they don't make me talk.
34:52I don't think I could handle it.
34:54I'm nervous that I'm going to cry.
34:55My weight loss journey is very emotional to me,
34:57and I know other people's struggles and problems and stories
35:01are most definitely going to pull on my heartstrings,
35:04and I know I'm going to cry.
35:05I don't know if I'm strong enough for this yet.
35:07Or what if I'm even just the only one there?
35:09Then what do I do?
35:10Twiddle my thumbs?
35:11Like, I have the address in my phone.
35:13If I do decide to go, it's there on my GPS.
35:16Let's do a quick alpha of the day.
35:18Pairs up in a bun.
35:19No makeup because I know I'm going to cry
35:21if I end up going to this thing.
35:23Pink diamond earrings that I got from Target.
35:26Colorful necklace I got from Charlotte Ruse.
35:29Owl and rose ring that I got from shopmise.com.
35:32I'm wearing a thin cardigan again
35:34because it's super comfortable and totally cute
35:37that I got from Gabe's, a black tank top
35:39that I got from Walmart.
35:40The agenda is Target.
35:42I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to the OA meeting,
35:44and we have to go to Walmart, so that's the agenda.
35:48Here are some of the things that I'm getting from Target.
35:51These are all natural, like, organic TV dinners.
35:53I got two of the meatloaf dinner casseroles,
35:55two of the chicken dinner casseroles,
35:57and two of the mac and cheese.
35:58The ingredients are super natural,
36:00and they're very low calorie.
36:01I'm getting one of these heart-healthy
36:03cream of mushroom condensed soups,
36:05a big bag of frozen blueberries,
36:07cauliflower, a big bag of broccoli,
36:09carrots, mushrooms, two onions,
36:13a big thing of celery, some rice.
36:15This is one of my favorite types.
36:17I know it's not brown, but that's okay.
36:19Some cut-up steak that I plan on doing something with,
36:22a ground turkey Jenny-O, and that's it.
36:25I'm currently in the OA parking lot,
36:28and there it is.
36:30That's not the front of it.
36:31I'm really nervous.
36:32We're here, like, an hour early.
36:34I told myself I wanted to come this early
36:35because I want to see how I felt in my gut
36:37to see if I'm really gonna, like, go in there and stuff.
36:40So nervous.
36:41My stomach is hurting really, really bad.
36:43I have, like, cramps in my stomach.
36:45Normally, when I get really nervous, that happens.
36:47So you can tell this girl right here is crazy nervous.
36:54It is raining really hard.
36:56My hair and everything, I'm just a complete mess.
36:58We can't find the meeting because this church is big,
37:01and there's, like, a bunch of buildings and John Paul houses.
37:04I have no idea.
37:05They said, come here.
37:06No one's answering.
37:07I've been, like, running in the rain
37:08for, like, a half an hour or plus, right?
37:11I'm exhausted.
37:12This is not what I was expecting whatsoever,
37:14so I'm pretty upset.
37:15An hour later, after talking to tons of people
37:18who have no idea what I'm talking about,
37:20I have, like, leaves on me.
37:21Oh, my God.
37:22They have no idea.
37:24They're like, oh, maybe it's over there.
37:25I'll go talk to her.
37:26I cannot find a single OA meeting here.
37:28My necklace is literally soaking wet.
37:30My clothes, if you guys literally had to wear my shoes right now,
37:33you'd be disgusted.
37:34It wasn't supposed to rain like this.
37:36The newscast did not say it was supposed to rain today,
37:38so this was unexpected.
37:39It was raining extremely hard.
37:41It was beautiful at first,
37:42and then it just became ugly
37:43when I had to walk to, like, 50 different buildings
37:45because there was no way to, like, drive a car.
37:48Oh, thank you.
37:49Crystal's bangs.
37:50I literally feel like crap right now.
37:52I was really looking forward to this.
37:54I was honestly excited to get some help.
37:56I have no idea what just happened.
37:57A higher power clearly isn't on my side today.
38:00I'm agnostic.
38:01After everything's all said and done,
38:03I spy a piece of a rainbow.
38:05We went to Walmart.
38:07We got two of these Kukido Arctic Zero ice creams.
38:10I'm really tired of being at the store
38:12and buying things that I know I shouldn't,
38:14but I still do,
38:15and then when I'm at home bored or just hungry,
38:18head hunger,
38:19I eat those things,
38:19and I don't want to be like that.
38:20And two of the chocolate peanut butter.
38:22This is literally, like, 150 calories for the whole thing,
38:25and this one's, like, 300.
38:27A fat-free melt.
38:28Some coconut strips.
38:30Dried mango.
38:30I think dried mango's one of my favorite foods ever.
38:33These South Beach whipped peanut butter bars.
38:35We put them in the freezer and have them frozen,
38:38and they taste so good.
38:39And I saw this necklace and couldn't pass it up.
38:41But Crystal's car will not defog.
38:43We don't know what to do,
38:45so her parents now have to come pick us up
38:47like losers that we are.
38:49Okay, totally kidding.
38:49We tried everything possible.
38:51We've always had this issue where,
38:53you know, there's fog on the window,
38:54but we usually know how to make it go away,
38:56and for some reason it's not working.
38:57The air is coming out at this part,
38:59which is supposed to make it defog,
39:01but for some reason it's just not clicking right.
39:04I don't know what's going on.
39:05This is the next day, totally random.
39:08Crystal and I are just out running some errands,
39:09having a good time, I'd say.
39:11I completely just was thinking about my...
39:13What?
39:14What is that?
39:16Oh, wait.
39:16Go back around.
39:18And then...
39:18Do you remember what it's called?
39:20Yeah.
39:20I totally was just sitting here,
39:22and I was thinking about my vlog from yesterday,
39:24realizing that I have to upload it in a couple days
39:26because I'm behind on vlogs.
39:27Like, oh, crap.
39:28I totally forgot to end my vlog yesterday,
39:30so I'm going to end the vlog now,
39:32even though it's a completely new day.
39:34I'm not vlogging today, as you guys can tell.
39:36My necklace is bothering me.
39:38Sorry.
39:38I just went to Starbucks, by the way.
39:40I got the passion fruit tea.
39:42Literally, oh my God, it was delicious.
39:45Crystal and I are going to go back to Barnes & Noble tomorrow
39:48just to sit in the Starbucks.
39:49We're going to look at magazines,
39:51drink on a tea,
39:53totally be Starby girls.
39:55Starby girls?
39:57I hope you guys enjoyed this vlog,
39:59and I'll see you in my next one.
40:00Bye.
40:00Hello, everybody.
40:01I just wanted to make a real quick weight loss diary
40:04if you will.
40:05I'm currently not on track.
40:07I thoroughly believe that my journey
40:09and a lot of other people's journey
40:11is about 98% mental.
40:13My mentality right now is just horrid.
40:16I do not understand what is happening to me.
40:18I tried my hardest to go to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting
40:23this last Friday.
40:24Actually, that was just yesterday,
40:25and I could not find it anywhere.
40:27I trucked and trucked and trucked and trucked.
40:29Downpouring rain.
40:30I got soaking wet.
40:31I was trying really, really hard to go to this meeting.
40:34I really felt like this meeting would help me in a way.
40:38I really want to go through the 12 steps.
40:40I want to get a sponsor.
40:41I want to hear other people's stories.
40:43I maybe one day will share mine,
40:45but not anytime soon because I am pretty shy.
40:47I am sabotaging myself.
40:50I keep turning to the wrong foods,
40:52eating way, way, way too much.
40:55Honestly, this is just pure honesty.
40:57I wake up and I do really good.
40:59I know how to eat a balanced breakfast.
41:01Sometimes I wake up a little later
41:02because I do fall asleep so, so late.
41:05I'll wake up and have like a brunch or a lunch,
41:07and I do really, really good.
41:08As the day goes on, I just get hungrier and hungrier.
41:11I sometimes can't even tell if it's head hunger
41:13or if I'm really, really just hungry
41:15or if I'm just craving foods
41:17or if I just want to overeat or binge.
41:19Sometimes I really can't decipher the difference
41:22between true hunger and just me wanting to eat.
41:24Tone thinks I need help too.
41:27I'm tired of being all over the place and not on track.
41:30My life is more than the fact that I'm an obese woman.
41:33I have such a big story.
41:35I've had a crazy past.
41:38I'm a great person.
41:39I'm actually quite strong.
41:41I think it is because of the things that I've been through,
41:43but I've always turned to food.
41:45Food has been my best friend, my medicine, my go-to.
41:48As of right now, it's Saturday night.
41:51Tomorrow's Sunday.
41:52I'm gonna start fresh tomorrow.
41:53It's a new day.
41:54I really hope I can do this.
41:56Every day, I need to take it one day at a time,
41:57eat my healthy meals, eat less, exercise, move more,
42:01more water.
42:01I will get through this.
42:03Come Friday, I'm gonna try every ounce of my being
42:06to go to an OA meeting.
42:07I will truck and truck like I did yesterday.
42:10I will find this meeting and I will make it happen.
42:13As nervous as I am, I'm going to make it happen.
42:16You guys, I'm not giving up.
42:17I try every day.
42:18I gain so much weight and I'm still trying.
42:20It's a sickness.
42:21It's a madness.
42:22I wish it would go away.
42:23So, that's it for this video.
42:25If you guys enjoyed, I hope you guys are having a great day and I'll see you in my next
42:27one.
42:28Bye.
42:28Hello, everybody.
42:29I'm sitting in my room.
42:30I just figured it's easier for today.
42:32I'm actually sitting on my bed all comfy-like.
42:44Totally my new favorite song.
42:47Literally stuck in my head 24-7.
42:49Welcome to another Weight Loss Diaries video.
43:02A few videos ago, if you guys watched that video, I said that I will not be counting calories
43:07because I need to look at food as something that's not restrictive, something where I'm
43:12not being punished. I want to look at them as whole, wholesome, healthy foods. These are all
43:17natural, like organic TV dinners. I got two of the meatloaf dinner casseroles, two of the
43:22chicken dinner casseroles, and two of the mac and cheese. The ingredients are super natural
43:26and they're very low calorie. I'm getting one of these heart healthy cream of mushroom
43:30condensed soups. This is literally like 150 calories for the whole thing and this one's
43:34like 300. These South Beach whipped peanut butter bars, we put them in the freezer and have
43:39them frozen and they taste so good. And I thought by not counting calories, that was the way
43:43to do it. Someone recently on Ask.fm told me that I have gave up on absolutely everything
43:49I've ever started once I started YouTube. Regarding me giving up on practically everything,
43:54they are absolutely correct. I start plans, programs, walking. Anything that I start, I
44:00completely give up. I back down. I lose sight of myself and completely become weak. Counting calories
44:06is one of the biggest ways to lose weight. It's healthy as long as you're not restricting yourself
44:12too much. You do not want to malnourish your body. As long as you're eating the right amount of calories
44:17at a deficient than what you normally would, you will lose weight. For me, counting calories is
44:21tedious, boring as all hell. It gets extremely overwhelming, but it works. When this person told me
44:27that I give up everything and that I need to count calories, they really opened my eyes. Gotta be
44:32honest with you guys, I have not successfully counted calories in quite a few months. If I actually
44:39counted calories tomorrow and succeeded, I would be so shocked. A lot of people keep asking me,
44:44am I still on my weight loss journey? Am I counting calories? What am I doing? I am counting calories.
44:49I am still on my weight loss journey. I just don't really talk about it as much because I feel
44:53like
44:54it's something that goes on on a day-to-day basis. I feel the same emotions every single day. I
44:58struggle.
44:59I have challenges. It's going to be like a repetitive thing and I don't really want to bore
45:03people with like the constant. Oh, I'm doing great. Oh, I'm doing bad. Weight loss isn't everything
45:08that I am. I want to take that person's message and really take their advice and their constructive
45:13criticism, whether it was nice or rude. I'm going to use it. I'm going to start counting calories and
45:19I want to be successful for seven full days. I noticed some of you counting calories for seven
45:24days is literally like breathing. Super easy. Probably not that hard. Kind of comes second nature.
45:30For me, it's going to be like pulling teeth. It's going to be horrible. It's going to be hard. I
45:34really
45:34want to do this though and I wanted to let you guys know I will definitely, definitely keep you guys
45:39updated. I will be weighing myself tomorrow. I cannot promise you that you will know a weight.
45:44Last time I weighed myself, the scale did say error. I hope you guys had a great day today. I
45:48will keep
45:48you guys updated in every way that I can. Bye. Much love to ya. Hello everybody. Welcome to another
45:54weight loss diaries video.
46:05I had a moment today when I put on this red wife beater. It was actually a sad moment. I
46:11wore
46:12this shirt, I think two Christmases ago in public. I wore it with a really cute white necklace. This
46:18is going to be my what did I get for Christmas of 2013. Clearly it's not Christmas, but I have
46:24celebrated my materialistic Christmas if that makes sense because everyone does receive gifts and I've
46:30already received mine. This video has been requested. I had this really cozy white sweater
46:36cardigan over me. It fit me perfectly. As I put on this red shirt, I noticed how differently it fit
46:43me.
46:43Instead of it fitting me accurately, now I've gained so much weight that it's shorter on me. Not cute.
46:50Little things like that really, really hurt. I have more clothes than you guys could ever imagine. I love
46:56mismatching cute shirts with certain cardigans and certain cardigans with different jewelry,
47:02whether it be rings and necklaces. I'm actually really, really into fashion. Knowing that I can't
47:07wear 85% of my closet is really, really hard to bear. Among needing to get healthy and wanting to
47:13get
47:13healthy, losing weight is definitely awesome because you get to fit back into those cute clothes that you
47:19use to wear. Today, I am using one of my little notebooks that I recently got. I made a bunch
47:23of
47:23weekly slash daily goals. Bam! I wrote in here some private goals that I have for myself that I don't
47:29feel like sharing, but as you guys know, one of my goals was to count calories for a full week,
47:35seven days, not go over. Today, I kind of just want to answer if I even made it through the
47:41first day,
47:42which was today. I started off the day very well. I did really well in the middle of the day
47:47and at the
47:48end of the night. I was eating fruits, vegetables, really healthy meals, and I tracked everything. I
47:54weighed everything. My fitness pal is a savior, but nighttime is my binge time. My body literally
48:02craves binging. My body craves it so much that I literally feel it in my bones, soul, heart, brain,
48:09my cells. Feel it. To have a binge eating disorder is very hard to handle. It gets really,
48:15really powerful, and sometimes you're just not strong enough. I was not planning on binging. I
48:21did want an extra snack. Crystal was going downstairs, so I said, hey, will you get me an
48:26extra snack? If she would have done that, I would have been over my calories. She looked at me and
48:30said, do you really want to do this? She knows my goal is to count my calories and not go
48:34over.
48:35By her doing that, she helped me completely, and guess what? I didn't go over my calories. I didn't go
48:40over my calories. I did it. I am actually really, really proud. I know it's only been one day.
48:44One day for me is like 100 for you. Willpower is like a muscle. The more you use it, the
48:49stronger
48:50it gets. When I was down 89 pounds, I had amazing willpower. I've lost 89 pounds eating nothing but
48:56rice and potatoes. I was able to go places. I was able to go out to eat, family gatherings,
49:01whatever it may be, and I was able to either, one, just say no. Two, eat in moderation. You can
49:06have
49:07your Chinese food. You can eat out. You just gotta do it in moderation. I have said before I'm the
49:11queen
49:11of moderation. I do want you guys to know that I'm the queen of, like, moderation. I am the queen
49:16of moderation, correct? People have quoted me on that. Yeah, and I'm the queen of moderation. You
49:21know, I'm the queen of moderation. I feel like now I don't really have that, but the more that I
49:26do say
49:27no, I just make my willpower muscle stronger. I will be able to succeed again. I know I will. I
49:32had an
49:33overall amazing day today. I'm very proud of my choices. I honestly was not expecting to actually
49:39succeed even one day. I have been so off track. It's absolutely disgusting. I already feel better,
49:45and it's been one day. I can't even imagine how I'm gonna feel five months from now. Hello, everybody.
49:50It's already time for the beginning of week three on Weight Watchers. It was really bad, and I gave
49:56into my emotions, and I overate. I logged everything, but I sat here and I ate more candy. I had
50:02some pasta.
50:02That's not- I can't keep turning to food. So, let's just get to my weigh-in. I weighed in
50:08at 419.2,
50:10so that means this week I am down 1.6. So, through all the struggles and everything I went through,
50:16I'm still down for the second week in a row that I'm on Weight Watchers. So, I'm very proud to,
50:21you know, say that. I hope you guys had a great day today, and I'll see you in my next
50:24video. Bye.
50:25Don't mind my cat hair. I'm a cat lady, and I love it.
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