(2of2)Amberlynn Reid: April 2015: The Gallbladder Issues Explained

Positive PR

At this point in my Amberverse journey, I changed the content, adding more commentary to the timelines. Amberlynn is attempting to cook healthy meals for herself and Krystle. She’s taking the breakup well, still considering herself part of the family. Clay is an artform, so Amberlynn and Krystle open a couple of packs and see what they can do. Unfortunately the scale still isn’t reading her weight. We get the details on Amberlynn’s gallbladder issues when she has Krystle rush her to the ER. After she’s given the ok to leave the hospital, the two hit up IHOP for a celebratory late-night dinner since no surgery was needed. The next day they attended their first Over Eaters Annon meeting. They are put to the test when they decide on the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. Amberlynn has been having trouble with the scale reading her weight but finally gets a brief reading. On one of the days, she takes us to the gym with her. We end the video with a breakup Q&A where Amberlynn explains the dynamic of her relationship with Krystle.

Transcript

00:00:00do you think there's a such thing as a positive reaction channel positive pr girl positive pr

00:00:04positive pr yeah i think i've heard of positive pr i watch a lot of positive pr if i did

00:00:09i would

00:00:09tell you she's more than cool girl you want to miss hello hey girls also different now

00:00:16welcome to the show where we travel through the amber verse

00:00:19what uh excuse me

00:00:24transforming each day of memories

00:00:30tiny

00:00:31i like that

00:00:34hello we're going to walmart again

00:00:37f you walmart

00:00:41look at it we got our new couch what do you think of it i love our couch

00:00:45turn into entertaining respectful moments spread positivity be positive

00:01:02i have no idea what's going on

00:01:18the following video is part of that dream today is day two of counting calories and amberlyn is

00:01:24cooking for her and crystal they spend the afternoon playing with clay which includes an emoji moment

00:01:29hello everybody i just woke up so i'm about to eat something right here i literally love ground

00:01:36turkey looks amazing as always i'm using the 90 lean 10 fat and then we're gonna add the meat

00:01:56so does crystal and i cook for us

00:01:59so that's the final product grandma's recipe to me this is one of my favorite meals grandma's recipe

00:02:05here you go crystal this one's yours oh no oh is this mine yeah oh okay yeah you could

00:02:12i figured out sorry you just got done with eating did you like it crystal

00:02:16crystal tried the horseradish crystal wants to try this what would you possibly try this on

00:02:21food on chicken

00:02:24hopefully we're not wasting money on this i'm joking pretty much her exact words were it's what you'd expect

00:02:30it to taste like it was all right for some reason she didn't like the spinach really that much she

00:02:35didn't like the chicken that much she woke up not feeling the greatest but yet she was starving i

00:02:40don't i don't i don't i don't i don't know what's going on with her i don't think she liked

00:02:44it very

00:02:44much but who knows she said it was really good i don't really good guys in here i have the

00:02:50opportunity

00:02:51to do a bunch of different things with ground turkey we recently bought a lot of meat so all i

00:02:55needed

00:02:55this time was ground turkey it's 94 lean i recently just showed you guys something that i was eating

00:03:00that i made with ground turkey i just made something super delicious oh my gosh it looks

00:03:05so good organic jasmine rice i've always been that whole five minute rice type of gal organic ground

00:03:11turkey a bunch of vegetables that i kind of made smaller you're gonna want to cut i guess medium pieces

00:03:20or you can cut them smaller so they weren't like some gigantic thing if you keep your rubber bands on

00:03:24like this it's way easier to chop that's a lot of onion i have cauliflower carrots and broccoli i

00:03:30used a bunch of organic low sodium seasoning i like to cook really healthy i don't put seasonings on

00:03:36anything black pepper minced onion garlic salt four types of mrs dashes the table blend original blend

00:03:44garlic and herb onion and herb minced garlic brown cumin cayenne pepper the chili packet this dash is great

00:03:51because they're all sodium free i might add some sriracha but i think it tastes good like this ground

00:03:58turkey it's lean i love the jenny o brand super easy and you can do all kinds of recipes with

00:04:03it so it is complete

00:04:09this is jenny o lean ground turkey onion mushrooms and this heart healthy low sodium mushroom soup

00:04:17i mix it all together and i added half a serving of rice five minute rice and then mix that

00:04:22all

00:04:22together honestly it is so delicious you can do literally anything with ground turkey it's amazing

00:04:28you guys ready for some grub are you ready for some grub

00:04:36i'm about to feed them between the three cats split two cans like this these are really tiny

00:04:42so i'm gonna give them each one of these and then that monkeys let me get this are you guys

00:04:47hungry

00:04:49look at them they're just waiting for it yes

00:05:00okay okay i want to show you guys we got new chairs new carpet new table it's leather we're scared

00:05:07the cats are gonna botch it so we put these things down you got to do what you got to

00:05:11do when you love

00:05:12the animals this table which is beautiful and a lot bigger than the other one we used to have oh

00:05:17my

00:05:17gosh we love it so much and then the carpet super super cute i literally love taking baths i feel

00:05:24like

00:05:24i don't do it enough i always take showers actually gotta be honest the three of us all just gotta

00:05:29have

00:05:29me destiny and twiki all just took a shower together but you know family goals

00:05:35i always turn on both and then i turn off this one i don't know why and i just leave

00:05:39the pier hot on

00:05:40and then when it fills up a little bit more then i turn on the pole it's like out of

00:05:44habit i'm gonna

00:05:45use this bath fizzer crystal actually got this for me a couple days ago isn't that nice of her i'm

00:05:50super excited to try one but i'm gonna open this it smells so good

00:06:00oh look at it it's me just got out of the bath so i'm gonna use some body spray i

00:06:06use these when i

00:06:07stay home and then these when i go out because these are actual perfumes i just choose random

00:06:11i always use two just out of habit it's like out of habit today i'm gonna use sexiest fantasies

00:06:16fireworks this random one secret charm i don't wash my hair every day i don't even brush my hair

00:06:22every day your hair needs its oils and when you brush your hair you're just giving it split ends

00:06:27faster you're like breaking it apart probably put it up in a ponytail or something because it really gets

00:06:32on my nerves get a better hair tag my little drawer i was just not in my face i'm just

00:06:38staying at home

00:06:38today so i don't really care what my hair looks like quest bar alert as you guys know i am

00:06:44literally

00:06:44obsessed with my rebecca minkoff it's one of my favorite purses i've ever had if not my actual

00:06:50favorite purse i've ever had there it is rebecca minkoff omg this is like awesome here it is it is

00:06:57this

00:06:58beautiful cream color oh i'm totally obsessed with it gold hardware down here it's like a late

00:07:04gold hardware yeah there's a little rebecca minkoff thing and i got this at sax

00:07:10wait no i didn't where did i get this nordstrom no bloomingdales one of them oh my god it's so

00:07:16beautiful blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah this is like a dream come true i know that's odd

00:07:20but

00:07:20if you guys like fashion or purses or accessories like i do then i think you guys understand but anyhow

00:07:25but i got a new one i got this the other day from ross this purse is originally around like

00:07:32175

00:07:33it was on sale for only 30. it was such a steal it's a little bigger than my rebecca minkoff

00:07:38super adorable it goes with anything you wear it is bigger it does have more room i love how it

00:07:44stands

00:07:45up like that does have a long strap so i love that about it it is literally perfection in a

00:07:51purse

00:07:51i'm not six years old i promise but i'm about to play i'm not six years old i promise but

00:08:00i'm

00:08:00about to play with some clay clay is an art form people my stomach just growled i think it's scared

00:08:07i'm scared it looks like gumby is in there and stuff gumby yeah like gumby stuff yeah like green

00:08:16it's disgusting okay i mean gummy gummy no the actual person okay are you ready

00:08:22person baby are you ready crystal and i are about to chop up some clay and hopefully make some cute

00:08:42things there's my masterpiece a heart i'm scared to use these they're so pretty i see it

00:08:50are you making a flower all right i'll show them when you're done with it on the count of three

00:08:55one two three let's make this look pretty here we go one two three bam shazam wow that's very cute

00:09:04very very cute and i'm over here with a freaking blob there's my smiley face crystal thought it was an

00:09:12eel on a lily pad because one of the eyes were off and she's like what the hell is that

00:09:16it's my smiley face

00:09:19it was bam bam crystal's truffle and my creature that i have no idea but it kind of looks like

00:09:29it'd be

00:09:29on a video game but that's just me crystal has made an alien creature

00:09:39i don't know what's that i don't understand like a christmas club but also like an ice cream cone

00:09:52on which she's obsessed with stuff like that so does she have a thing where she buys globes

00:09:58uh no it's crystal she buys them for crystal let me finish my saying i didn't know but look at

00:10:05these

00:10:06that's so very cute can you even guess what this is but it's supposed to be sushi we have the

00:10:10orange

00:10:10for the fish eggs white for rice this is the seaweed this is like crab and shrimp avocado it looked

00:10:17better in my head crystal's made an adorable cat a hot dog and a hamburger that i'm about to showdown

00:10:24on

00:10:26i made a kitty that's a bow so this is my bow collection walmart icing icing another one from

00:10:32icing the dollar store the dollar store you were a dollar crystal's getting all kinds of creative we

00:10:39have a muscle man a candy cane and a pig snout what is this frog on a lily pad her

00:10:53last one is a cookie

00:10:54she tried to use every single one of the colors that came in her packet i like broke my stuff

00:11:01and

00:11:01i used my cat's ear i don't have half of what i did have i didn't even use these yet

00:11:05barely use pink

00:11:06and pink's my favorite color if you have an iphone this is the poop emoji emoji emoji emoji emoji emoji

00:11:14emoji emoji emoji emoji

00:11:16emoji emoji look try to find it poop cup oh my god that is so cute and the emoji cups

00:11:25this stuff is cute just to get for the hell of it like oh my god look how cute oh

00:11:31my god i just want to

00:11:31keep them as a pet i also made a braid crystal stabbed the world uh oh now we have clay

00:11:39poop

00:11:41oh lord let me see now that is the best masterpiece ever i'm about to cut this open and see

00:11:49what it

00:11:49looks like on the inside okay crystal's about to tell you guys the story i don't want to hear me

00:11:54okay i'll

00:11:55tell them no all right do it do it kind of loud so they can hear you oh my god

00:12:00this is embarrassing

00:12:02i was carving an english muffin with a knife like this going like this and i guess my finger got

00:12:08in

00:12:08the way so i was like let's show them your little not really with a butter knife i've never cut

00:12:16myself

00:12:16with a butter knife before i just got done crying i stabbed myself and i've never like i get little

00:12:23cuts or whatever but i was opening an avocado you guys know that stupid circle that's in an avocado

00:12:29it's the seed i don't know what i did but somehow i went that's not the knife no it's not

00:12:34um i literally

00:12:38stabbed myself i have never in my life done something like we have to go to walmart and get

00:12:43her some gods and hand wrap but she wants to eat first i'm trying to make this salad and for

00:12:48some

00:12:49reason god stop me but i don't care i'm gonna keep going and i'm gonna eat my salad but this

00:12:55hurts so

00:12:56bad my whole hand is numb so the salad has spinach my balsamic vinaigrette it has avocado radish

00:13:05strawberries scallions and there's some carrots i forgot to say i also have some cucumber

00:13:18that looks so freaking cool i really like that in a really weird way these were only a dollar at

00:13:24the dollar store if we ever want to do this again again again we'll do it again just having a

00:13:31little

00:13:31snack i'm gonna have some blueberries mild cheddar cheese bar super delicious and i'm obsessed with

00:13:37these everything pretzel crisps i already weighed everything out there it is i have half a serving of

00:13:42blueberries full serving of pretzels and one serving clearly of the cheese a couple things before

00:13:48it and my vlog one i did weigh myself yesterday for those of you who follow my weight loss journey

00:13:53the

00:13:54scale red air one of my goals this week is when i step on the scale next week i want

00:14:13the scale to

00:14:13read me so i want to lose enough pounds for that to happen two carrots are super super good for

00:14:18you

00:14:18don't let anyone tell you otherwise i want to eat the rest of these carrots for sure carrots though

00:14:24all good a lot of people don't think hummus is healthy girl it is i'm not saying it's as good

00:14:29as

00:14:29a plain freaking carrot by itself but and last thing is another day successfully counting calories so

00:14:35that's two days out of the seven that i want to be successful with i was not planning on binging

00:14:41i

00:14:41did want an extra snack crystal was going downstairs so i said hey will you get me an extra snack

00:14:46if she would

00:14:47have done that i would have been over my calories she looked at me and said do you really want

00:14:51to

00:14:51do this she knows my goal was to count my calories and not go over by her doing that she

00:14:56helped me

00:14:57completely and guess what i didn't go over my calories i didn't go over my calories i did it i'm

00:15:02actually really really proud i know it's only been one day one day for me is like a hundred for

00:15:06you

00:15:06i really really think i can do this every day i'm living with the motto one day at a time

00:15:10and it's

00:15:11really working i hope you guys enjoyed my vlog for today and i'll see you in my next one bye

00:15:14thank you guys it's been a good one the orange for the fish eggs white for rice this is the

00:15:21seaweed

00:15:22this is like crab and shrimp avocado looks amazing as always i have never

00:15:32you can go now amberlynn has been losing weight rapidly after the breakup with crystal so her gallstone

00:15:38symptoms are returning she explains how she found out about the issue a couple years prior and how the

00:15:43symptoms derail her low calorie diets hello everybody hello everybody some of you probably

00:15:48know this i was diagnosed with gallstones a little over two years ago to make a long story short i

00:15:53pretty much had to force the emergency room to take an ultrasound because i knew i had gallstones but

00:15:59their hearts were set on oh you're too young to have gallstones but i knew i had them the attacks

00:16:04were horrible after a couple tests i was right it came back that i had gallstones

00:16:18before i was diagnosed i actually had a lot of gallbladder attacks gallstones attacks whatever you

00:16:24want to call them the pain is atrocious for some reason when i was diagnosed the pain completely stopped

00:16:31for two years a lot of the reason why it stopped was because i completely stopped my weight loss

00:16:36journey i got gallstones because of rapid weight loss for some reason about two years ago i started

00:16:42having really really really really really really really really really bad pains in my top

00:16:50abdominal area my girlfriend's mom thought it was just gas i believed it but it kept getting worse

00:16:56and worse so i went to the hospital i honestly can't tell you what they told me

00:17:01i don't even remember but they told me i think they actually thought it was gas too now that i

00:17:05think about it because they said don't eat so much fiber or something like that literally i can go

00:17:11there for my hair falling now or i can have an itchy eyeball and it's like gooped up with like

00:17:15green goo

00:17:16or my pinky fell off and they blame it on acid reflux i mean that's just what they do i

00:17:21started to eat

00:17:22less fiber it just kept getting worse and worse there were times where i literally was hunched over

00:17:30like in agony just crying tears i didn't know what to do and it was so bad i couldn't stay

00:17:36still

00:17:37and my girlfriend was just like freaking out she didn't know what to do for me i didn't know what

00:17:41to do so i ended up going back to the hospital because what they suggested clearly wasn't working

00:17:47so finally the doctor comes in and the doctor's like so you have a stomach ache

00:17:53we're like no that is not why she's here she doesn't have a stomach ache her abdomen hurts

00:17:57and she was puking and bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam one two

00:18:06three

00:18:07i love my popcorn shrimp bam kicking it up a notch blames on acid reflex this time they decided to

00:18:13do tests on me because the first time they didn't and let me tell you it pisses me off i

00:18:19wish i could

00:18:19sue them okay okay because they made me do something that made me worse which was they said

00:18:27don't eat so much fiber so i believed them before they did the test i legit told them i want

00:18:33you to

00:18:33give me a gallbladder test or not a gallbladder test everybody has a gallbladder i want you to

00:18:37give me a gallstone test i think i have gallstones they looked at me like i was crazy i'm 22

00:18:45years

00:18:45old or was i 21 i think i was 22. either way it don't matter they looked like i was

00:18:49insane but

00:18:49like there's no way you have gallstones and i'm like how could you say that

00:18:55how could you they just kept saying how i'm young and stuff like that she's now complimenting me

00:19:00saying how i'm beautiful and how some people just carry their age so well and that when i showed up

00:19:07she thought i was like 15. what are we doing today i'm going to my weight loss program appointment

00:19:17like it was a whole and i was like you knew she was she was trying to get that money

00:19:22girl

00:19:22i don't care what the number on my birth certificate says what matters is what's wrong with me and i

00:19:29want

00:19:29you to give me a test okay beavis butthead these teachers have all agreed to help you prepare for the

00:19:34state test okay okay okay okay okay okay so let the learning begin a prime number isn't

00:19:43whoa i just got something number two pencil number two oh yeah

00:19:55number two

00:19:59okay okay they ended up doing it come to find out they came back actually completely shocked

00:20:04they're like you have a bunch of gallstones you have multiple gallstones on your gallbladder and i'm

00:20:10like baby i know duh i could have told you that so i already knew what was wrong but i

00:20:16was just hoping

00:20:16that i was wrong i legit cried when they told me because they said if it gets too bad you

00:20:21have to get

00:20:22it taken out and it was already to that point where i would much rather have it out of my

00:20:26body

00:20:26but i don't have insurance i don't have a doctor i don't have money for any of that on top

00:20:30of that

00:20:31surgery scares the hell out of me okay okay they gave me a number for a surgeon i guess like

00:20:37a cheap

00:20:38one or whatever so are you looking for a way to slash the cost of your medical expenses i will

00:20:42perform

00:20:43any operation for 129.95 i ended up going there and he just told me it'd be best you get

00:20:49gastric

00:20:50bypass while you're eating your gallbladder out my god that's monstrous i've never heard of anything

00:20:55so negligent i'll have no part of it can you recommend a doctor who will yes hi everybody i'm

00:21:01just like honestly i don't have the money for this i don't have the money for gastric bypass i don't

00:21:06have insurance so this just isn't gonna work you try the best now try the rest call 1-600-DOCTORB

00:21:11the b is for bargain so he told me how to change my eating habits which was high in fiber

00:21:17which the

00:21:18hospital was wrong no fats like low fats because i have to eat fats and just all this stuff if

00:21:23you're

00:21:23not sure about something rob it against a piece of paper if the paper turns clear it's your window

00:21:26to weight gain bye bye everybody so he tried to help me you know i'm a little freaked out i

00:21:30have

00:21:31gallstones i'm already like a hypochondriac already okay no everyone wants to go to the hospital over

00:21:37any and every little thing i don't know it could just be anything and she'd be like i think i

00:21:42need to go

00:21:42hospital she's kind of becoming a hypochondriac and i had to just be like stop so i'm scared and

00:21:47he told me that if it gets bad the stones can go to my liver and i could die i

00:21:52mean that's pretty

00:21:52much what he said and scared the out of me number two oh yeah if i had insurance or if

00:22:00i had the money

00:22:01i wouldn't be so scared because i know that that surgery is available for me hi dr nick i changed

00:22:06my

00:22:07eating habits and i noticed that when i started eating high in fiber foods i started gaining

00:22:13weight i was still trying to diet two years ago that's when i was losing a lot of weight and

00:22:17probably one of the main reasons why i do have gallstones because you get them from rapid weight loss

00:22:30i was losing weight fast i lost about 60 pounds in like three months it was pretty extreme

00:22:36so i woke up i had one serving of morning star buffalo veggie nuggets morning star buffalo wings

00:22:43veggie nuggets i love these i've been eating these for i feel like it's been like nine years which was

00:22:49five nuggets look how good it looks like actual chicken so good

00:23:01i know it's like so weird but

00:23:05if someone gave this to me and they were like this is real chicken i'd believe it

00:23:11i guess that's all gone that's only 200 calories i would cut them up in super tiny pieces me and

00:23:18my

00:23:18ex both would and the reason why we did that was to make our food last longer i could sit

00:23:24there

00:23:24and try to enjoy it i don't like to cram it all in my mouth and regret it wish i

00:23:28had more plus you

00:23:29get fuller you know when you eat slower yeah but then if you eat faster you get more we would

00:23:33sometimes allow ourselves to have a string cheese with that i know some people who just chomp and i know

00:23:40some people who tear what did you do that was 50 calories we weren't counting calories we were just

00:23:51watching our portions later in the day her mom would actually cook for us every time she would

00:23:56cook it was always like a meat a veggie and a carb for some reason she didn't like the spinach

00:24:00really

00:24:01that much she didn't like the chicken that much she woke up not feeling the greatest but yet she was

00:24:06starving i don't i don't i don't i don't know what's going on with her a piece of chicken let's

00:24:10just round it to 180 side of carbs let's say that's about another 180 and then what some veggies

00:24:17that's another 30 50 later on in the night we would allow ourselves one snack 100 calorie luna cookies

00:24:24goldfish we made sure to get all kinds of different sort of snacks that were only 100 calories i was

00:24:31barely eating 800 900 calories a day but i didn't know that at the time i just knew that i

00:24:37felt great

00:24:37and the weight was dropping off this is exactly what i ate every single day for the longest time

00:24:42and i thought it was totally fine i was just really upset that i was gaining weight so i stopped

00:24:47eating

00:24:48how i was supposed to eat i was barely eating 800 900 calories a day but nothing was wrong with

00:24:55my

00:24:55gallbladder i wasn't getting pain i wasn't sick i wasn't anything so i went on all the way until

00:25:00now without having a gallbladder attack or gallstone sickness as i call it until recently i tried

00:25:07searching for the foods i can eat and the foods i can't eat when you have gallstones i was freaking

00:25:13shocked at the things that i found onions you don't want to eat those when you have gallstones and i

00:25:18eat

00:25:18onions every single night you're gonna put them in the pan that's a lot of onion i like onion i

00:25:27love

00:25:27onion every single night regular pastas everything that i'm pretty much eating lately has been

00:25:32something that triggers my gallstones so that's the final product grandma's recipe to me this is one

00:25:39of my favorite meals grandma's recipe here you go crystal this one's yours i tried looking at what i

00:25:45can eat because it seemed like everything that i do eat was on the cantalus so i was like what

00:25:50am i

00:25:50gonna do with my life what i can eat whole grain and whole wheat things brown rice i just got

00:25:56done

00:25:56with dinner and i noticed like i've been eating a lot of rice today and it's been like white rice

00:26:01like

00:26:02not 100 the greatest for you especially that's like mainly what i've been eating today when all my

00:26:09white rice is gone i'm pretty sure i'm not like gradually transfer over to brown rice because that's

00:26:13like healthier for you rice as a full staple has definitely been helping me the last few

00:26:17days for sure white rice thing though like how i've like changed my eating recently the scale is

00:26:24definitely loving me like for sure i'm just trying to change like you know certain things about the

00:26:29way i am treating my body chicken and turkey i recently just showed you guys something that i was

00:26:37eating that i made with ground turkey i just made something super delicious oh my gosh it looks so good

00:26:42organic jasmine rice i've always been that whole five minute rice type of gal organic ground turkey

00:26:49a bunch of vegetables that i kind of made smaller you're gonna want to cut

00:26:53i guess medium pieces or you can cut them smaller so they weren't like some gigantic thing i have

00:27:00cauliflower carrots and broccoli i used a bunch of organic low sodium seasoning i like to cook really

00:27:06healthy i don't put seasonings on anything black pepper minced onion garlic salt

00:27:12four types of mrs dashes the table blend original blend garlic and herb onion and herb minced garlic

00:27:19ground cumin cayenne pepper the chili packet this is dash is great because they're all sodium free

00:27:25potatoes vegetables and fruits things like that there's so many things that i can't have that it

00:27:31really freaks me out it's kind of like i feel caged off to the world now you could have told

00:27:36me a week

00:27:37ago amberlynn you need to get more healthy i would have looked at you and been like excuse me i'm

00:27:42as

00:27:43healthy as it freaking gets what what but comes to find out actually i'm not oh my god wait i

00:27:51was

00:27:51eating weight watcher snacks every night don't get me wrong i love couscous but it's not the greatest

00:27:57option for you it's processed to the extreme to get this started i have what is it called chicken like

00:28:04broth type deal couscous meatless meat which i'm excited for and we have corn pesto onion garlic

00:28:12random seasonings a little bit of rice i feel like i'm missing something i don't know if i am or

00:28:18not

00:28:18but let's go regular pastas has a lot of sodium in it the ones that i buy i just wanted

00:28:25to kind of

00:28:26document this that today my life has changed completely last and it's actually quite nerve

00:28:34wracking i'm going to be eating whole grain breads i'm not going to have any more breakfast bars i'm

00:28:40not going to have any more sweets i'm even going to get a healthier yogurt than you'll play light can

00:28:44you believe that

00:28:58the country's best yoga okay show them what you got so what i got is chocolate hazelnut is in here

00:29:06cake batter graham cracker crumbs heath and some brownie bites yeah it was really tasty i already

00:29:11finished mine but this is destiny's what'd you get in yours and strawberry ice cream with strawberries and

00:29:18bugs i got coffee with graham crackers and heat and i just got like a smaller size i usually get

00:29:26a

00:29:26bigger one but not this time isn't she the cutest little thing you've ever seen in your life

00:29:38nah i don't like strawberry ice cream i don't either but this tastes good because it's got chocolate in it

00:29:48we ended up not going to sweet frog i'm not gonna eat boxed foods besides like brown rice and stuff

00:29:56like that la la la i'm not even gonna saute my foods anymore black pepper garlic salt minced onion

00:30:08and all the mrs dash seasonings mrs dash is great because they're all sodium free you're gonna add the

00:30:14chili powder then the ground cumin the cayenne pepper which some people believe that's frying i'm gonna

00:30:25be putting it all in the oven i'm here to change my life that's exactly what i'm gonna do

00:30:31i feel like if it wasn't for me getting gallstones that i wouldn't

00:30:35be becoming this healthier person maybe gallstones in a way could be saving my life and if i do this

00:30:44right i can conquer them gallstones and kick them in that you know what i'm saying

00:30:51watch me kick these gallstones in that please bye every time i would lose weight the attacks would come

00:30:57every time i'd gain weight the attacks would leave i was sabotaging

00:31:04my mind so much mental things

00:31:09it's scary by gaining weight i did not want gallstone attacks the pain was something that i

00:31:14just couldn't bear this week i have been doing absolutely incredible i have not been doing this

00:31:19well in a very very long time i think the best way i can describe this is this girl she

00:31:25brings out

00:31:26a happiness that i've never had before comes with that is weight loss and the weight loss is probably

00:31:30happening really really fast i haven't weighed myself so i don't know how fast and what's

00:31:34happening with that is i am having gallstone attacks again i'm also having some other symptoms that i

00:31:39don't really feel like sharing it's really really really making me nervous if your attacks get worse

00:31:44your gallstones get worse your gallstone will go into your test and and it will go to your liver

00:31:50i do not want that to happen to me you guys i literally am terrified crystal's about to take me

00:31:55to

00:31:55the er i'm insanely nervous last time i went they told me next time i come from gallbladder pain

00:32:00they're taking my gallbladder out i just got done doing all kinds of crying because of how nervous

00:32:04i am i don't know what they're gonna say this time last time i went there it was like two

00:32:08years

00:32:08ago or a little over i'm scared i'm gonna die on the table i need to go though i'm tired

00:32:13of living

00:32:13in fear to lose weight i'm absolutely tired of it i want to be normal again i'm tired of feeling

00:32:18sick i'm tired of feeling the pain i want to lose weight fast i really really do i want to

00:32:22be

00:32:23healthy for that to happen i need my gallbladder to come out the pain i had about 15 minutes ago

00:32:28was absolutely horrible it does vanish but then it comes back and then it leaves and then it comes

00:32:32back i can't deal with it anymore i'm like literally hunched over in pain i just cannot take it we

00:32:38have

00:32:38arrived they gave me one of these like pee things and i was supposed to pee in it but i

00:32:45had to pee so

00:32:46bad from drinking so much water that i peed in the toilet and forgot to pee in the cup so

00:32:50about that

00:32:53this sucks so bad we've been here for like five hours now and i'm just now gonna be seen by

00:33:02the

00:33:02doctor hopefully what's wrong

00:33:07i accidentally put my finger in the screen oh sorry are you actually filming me because you don't know

00:33:13how much you're going wrong okay it was shaking like a leaf i don't know what's gonna happen so i

00:33:20guess

00:33:20we'll see they took my blood that made me sick they gotta take seven tubes

00:33:30update update update they have this thing on me and this thing on me

00:33:35turn it i've never seen such a thing in my life 149 over 73. not shabby

00:33:52149 over 73 is actually pretty decent especially for someone my size like geez i have no idea what's

00:33:58happening i just saw like two nurses among like the other like five people i've seen

00:34:03and now i have to wait for like the head honcho doctor and when the nurse left she's all i

00:34:08don't

00:34:08know if i should put ivy in you yet you guys know how it goes when you go to the

00:34:11hospital like you

00:34:12literally talk to like seven people before you talk to the actual doctor whatever i was cool with

00:34:17that cool i was expecting the main doctor to come back in and talk to her and see if she's

00:34:22feeling better but no just one of his little minions came back in

00:34:30and i like literally started crying when she left the room because i don't know what's happening

00:34:34and i'm really nervous it's the truth my blood pressure just was taken again and it's 135 over 82.

00:34:50i always get really worried that my blood pressure is like super high but i guess it's not

00:34:58thank you guys it's been a good one my girlfriend was just like freaking out she

00:35:03didn't know what to do for me i didn't know what to do so i ended up going back to

00:35:06the hospital because

00:35:08what they suggested clearly wasn't working and the doctor's like so you have a stomach ache

00:35:15we're like no it's a poop person okay she woke up not feeling the greatest but yet she was starving

00:35:21i don't i don't i don't i don't know what's going on with her i'm just trying to change like

00:35:25you know certain things about the way i am treating my body we ended up not going to sweet frog

00:35:35i'm not even gonna salt tame my foods anymore black pepper and if i do this right i can conquer

00:35:42them gallstones and kick them in that you know what i'm saying crystal's about to take me to the

00:35:50er we have arrived it's gonna take seven tubes update update and i'm really nervous it's the truth

00:36:03you can go now i just got out of the hospital i'm actually leaving grateful happy relieved and i

00:36:09have a lot more knowledge on my gallbladder and my gallstones i did not get surgery and i'm not

00:36:16getting surgery which i'm actually kind of happy about they said they'd only do surgery on me if my

00:36:21gallbladder was infected and they said it was not infected at all i'm really really happy it's not

00:36:26infected because i was nervous that it was the fact that it isn't just makes me feel really really

00:36:31relieved he told me a lot of ways that i can handle gallstones they prescribed me some medicine

00:36:38they said that prilosec actually helps with gallbladder attacks which is really shocking to me

00:36:43but kind of awesome that was definitely a roller coaster it's 1 a.m right now we got there at

00:36:495 p.m

00:36:49and we're leaving at 1 a.m i haven't even eaten half of my calories for today because i barely

00:36:54ate

00:36:55anything all day long i don't feel like cooking at 1 a.m especially because crystal's parents are sleeping

00:36:59and they have to wake up for work super early they actually have to wake up at 3 a.m

00:37:03i don't

00:37:03want to be making a bunch of racket downstairs they like climbing that tree that's why it looks like

00:37:07a racket house especially rarity gray so we're gonna have to get a new one because i love the tree

00:37:12love it we're gonna go to ihop and i'm gonna choose a meal that fits into my calories because

00:37:16i'm not going over i promised you guys i wouldn't and i'm still succeeding in that promise i'm starving i

00:37:22haven't eaten since four i just got home i'm about to go to sleep i know this video wasn't too

00:37:28much

00:37:29i hope you guys had a great day today and i will see you in my next vlog bye hello

00:37:33everybody

00:37:33if you hear a whining cat at the door he wants to come in this room we don't allow him

00:37:37in this room

00:37:38crystal has a bunch of cords behind her tv which is right in front of me he likes to chew

00:37:42on them

00:37:42we don't want him to like shock himself or ruin a cord so we just don't allow him in here

00:37:47it's not

00:37:47functioned for a cat today's the day where i try to go to another oa meeting friday has finally come

00:37:53and gone and came back i'm really nervous i keep trying to call the number that's on the oa meeting

00:37:59details board the person never answers i even tried texting and i got no response i tried last friday as

00:38:06well and no response and no answer i'm not even sure if this meeting still happens there's only two

00:38:12meetings in the place that i live one of them is more like bible study on the website it shows

00:38:18what

00:38:19kind of meeting it is the one that i'm choosing to go to says that it's topic slash varies that's

00:38:24the

00:38:24type of meeting that i want i'm just hoping everything goes as planned today perfume i'm

00:38:28going to use today 747 club tonight's diva night new york this really really cute bottle i love this

00:38:36one selena gomez viva more crystal got me this for christmas and it smells so good outfit of the

00:38:41daytime hairs in a bun mint flower necklace i got from walmart heart diamond ring that i got from

00:38:46avenue square diamond earrings that i got from charlotte rose i'm just wearing a black shirt

00:38:51with this lace netting on the side i'm pretty sure i got this shirt from walmart about two years ago

00:38:56of course my adorable new purse yes for the win

00:39:03oh my gosh it's so bright out i just like literally can't even open my eyeballs

00:39:06why are there socks on the ground crystal and i just went to one of our favorite like a buffet

00:39:12we went to a buffet chinese buffets there what what it's buffet baby i know

00:39:22okay but anyways places called hibachi

00:39:30it's chinese food sushi things like that normally i go there and easily eat three to four plates of

00:39:37just pure piled on food fried rice fried like everything whether it be crab rangoon fried chicken

00:39:45not a single vegetable what's wrong with you yeah i do smell that for dessert i get a whole plate

00:39:51i love their ice cream they have these medium-sized vanilla ice cream cups that i'm obsessed with and

00:39:55i usually have like four of those i wanted to show you guys my choice that i made for today

00:40:01i did

00:40:01take a picture of it so i can log it on my fitness pal later

00:40:07i'm honestly so beyond proud of myself dessert consisted of cantaloupe i got one of the ice creams

00:40:13that i like and i only took three bites of it like what like who am i now like who

00:40:19am i i love being

00:40:21on track it feels freaking incredible doing my weekly grocery shopping and i saw pickled asparagus

00:40:27probably something i will never try in my life i'm currently on my way to the oa meeting i've been

00:40:34texting one of the people that actually attend the oa meeting and she seems really really nice and

00:40:39she's super excited for me to go there she's pushing me to go there it's like we've known

00:40:44each other forever super super nervous my stomach hurts here we go oh by the way some of you are

00:40:50asking why crystal's coming with me and if she's an overeater if you're overweight then you're an

00:40:55overeater because obviously you're overeating to become that big or that overweight or that obese

00:41:00yes she's an overeater obviously since i'm bigger than her and i have binge eating disorder

00:41:05i am a little worse off than she is she needs to attend this meeting too and see if it

00:41:09suits her

00:41:10like it's gonna suit me i don't even know maybe it won't suit me but i'll let you guys know

00:41:14there's

00:41:15the building this one right here i'm pretty sure i just got out of the meeting i got my little

00:41:20chip

00:41:21for attending i also had a bunch of pamphlets it was crystal night and three others i wasn't expecting

00:41:27to read or anything but i decided to read i felt comfortable there but not comfortable enough in my

00:41:33own skin to share anything as you guys can tell my cheeks are so rather like purple looking so

00:41:39embarrassing the meeting was an hour i cried literally 10 times plus whenever someone would

00:41:45share their story or they're reading something that struck home i cried and i couldn't help it

00:41:51they were like silent tears but there were a lot of them i really plan on going to this meeting

00:41:56whenever i'm not busy on fridays i'm really really happy i went i was taught a lot i really am

00:42:01not alone

00:42:02it's insane that these people feel exactly how i do on a day-to-day basis i'm gonna end my

00:42:07vlog for

00:42:07tonight you guys i have to go to sleep early or at least try to probably not gonna happen crystal

00:42:13and

00:42:13i have to wake up super early tomorrow before it's even daytime she has to go try on bridesmaid dresses

00:42:19tomorrow so that is the plan i have a feeling we're gonna get three hours of sleep but that's cool

00:42:25it's actually really fun to see chris will try it on dresses because she doesn't wear dresses we

00:42:29all get a kick out of it i'll see you guys in my next video bye hello everybody i got

00:42:33three hours

00:42:34of sleep that's all right we have to drive about an hour away crystal has to try on bridesmaid dresses

00:42:40here's an outfit of the day hair in a bun diamond pearl earrings that say meow cat ears i got

00:42:48these from

00:42:48claire's a silver diamond spiked necklace i got from charlotte ruse heart diamond ring that i got from avenue

00:42:59it's supposed to be like 50 degrees today so i'm wearing a scarf

00:43:03scarf i forget where i got this from but i think the mall pink cardigan from walmart and this black

00:43:11tank top with the silver beads that i got from i'm pretty sure walmart walmart's awesome

00:43:19being a protein shake with the ultimate muscle protein powder and cookies and cream i already made

00:43:27crystal knock to make mine i measure everything out a serving of the mango mambo a serving of fat-free

00:43:33milk stevia in the raw packet and it comes out really really good

00:43:43that's 140 grams of fruit this is going to be 32 grams of protein powder

00:43:57so i'm going to get eight ounces of fat-free milk

00:44:05and my stevia

00:44:27we're just now arriving to the place where crystal's gonna try on the dresses i'm gonna keep all that

00:44:33private though because obviously it's like a private matter so i won't be vlogging that

00:44:37and then get something to eat somewhere i'm a little confused on what's happening tonight

00:44:41we're supposed to go bowling i'm not sure yet the dress train on is officially over with i'm super

00:44:48excited to announce that all bridesmaids have their dresses and they're very very cute

00:44:54i don't know there was no stop sign i think they have to stop we just get to keep going

00:44:58yeah we're on our way to the cheesecake factory right now with a lot of pressure from everybody

00:45:04they really wanted me to get this it's a jumper and i got it i don't really wear

00:45:11jumpers i don't wear dresses i don't wear skirts

00:45:14i'm gonna get it and i'm like nervous for some reason it's like very outside of my comfort zone

00:45:20i just really appreciate crystal i appreciate her family and just everything that they do for me

00:45:25how they encourage me it just it really just means the world to me we just ate at the cheesecake

00:45:30factory see the bags back there i always go into the cheesecake factory either with two different

00:45:38minds oh i'm on track oh i'm gonna follow my plan i'm gonna count my calories i'm gonna get a

00:45:44low

00:45:44calorie dish i go in there and do the complete opposite and totally binge out or b i go in

00:45:51there

00:45:51with the mindset of oh yeah i'm about to eat the whole world and i don't care who tells me

00:45:56not to

00:45:57i went in there debating back and forth what should i do i knew for a fact i wanted to

00:46:02get something

00:46:03healthy and this like thing in the back of my head when i kept seeing like the breads and like

00:46:08oh my

00:46:08god i just want my main dish and my main dish is around 1400 calories it's the orange chicken full

00:46:13size super delicious and that's what i wanted honestly deep down in my heart i was like no i got

00:46:19a 570 calorie asian salad which literally was gigantic i didn't even finish at all so i had less

00:46:25than 570 calories i normally would get a cheesecake that's around

00:46:331100 calories i would leave the place sick because i'd also get appetizers i'd eat the bread

00:46:38this time i got a cheesecake that was 600 calories it was a low carb of strawberries and i only

00:46:43ate half

00:46:43i'm walking out of there not full i'm satisfied proud i'm happy and accomplished i just can't even

00:46:52believe i did this i honestly it's crazy like i don't know i'm just really proud of myself and

00:46:59i wanted to share that with you guys

00:47:07i bought this gum i was super excited for the seasonal edition contetti cake box i've heard

00:47:12a lot of good things about it i tried it today crystal really really liked it and i literally

00:47:18didn't it literally tasted like science like i could taste plastic i don't know i just don't care for it

00:47:25too much i don't know i might give it to her or her dad and try to find me another

00:47:29gum because i like

00:47:30gum to have when i'm feeling hungry at night and i have no more calories i like to chew on

00:47:34a piece of gum

00:47:36crystal and i were gonna go to bowling with some people but that didn't turn out to be happening

00:47:42because it's actually really bad weather right now we've been really really wanting to see the movie

00:47:47unfriended so we're gonna go see that today i'm super super super excited this theater is really

00:47:53the biggest theater i've ever seen in my life i don't know if you guys can see it and the

00:47:59screen

00:48:00is imax so this is gonna be scary remember i told you guys i don't like that one gum

00:48:06we ended up going to target because we wanted to get ourselves a little snack so we're not going over

00:48:12calories you know what i'm saying i ended up getting more gum i love this one it's mint chocolate chip

00:48:22sugar-free baby i also got a sweet watermelon and a mixed berry i'm gonna keep these all in my

00:48:31purse

00:48:32because i'm starting to carry my big purse i used to carry big purses all the time but i completely

00:48:35stopped

00:48:35for some odd reason but anyways we're still the only people in here

00:48:42you know what that means just got home today has been a crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy long day i'm

00:48:51just like pooped crystal and i just got back from walmart i wanted to show you the couple of things

00:48:57i got i got some food necessity items i wasn't able to get the other day i already put those

00:49:02all away

00:49:03we got a fan because we've been needing one for our bedroom because it gets really really hot in here

00:49:08so

00:49:08i'm super excited to set this up tomorrow crystal got a hand sanitizer for her purse she got this

00:49:16really cute tank top chevron silver and black i got a body fantasies twilight mist body fantasies pink

00:49:25vanilla kiss body fantasies japanese cherry blossom one direction called our moment and body spray these

00:49:34perfume bottles are so cute look at that there's kisses on this one cherry blossoms on this one

00:49:42and like a little twilight forest on this one super super cute i gotta admit today was a struggle for

00:49:50me when it comes to me wanting to binge at the movie theater i wanted an icy didn't get one

00:49:55before the

00:49:56movie theater i wanted to buy a whole bag of milk dove

00:50:03didn't do it after the movie theater i wanted a slurpee didn't do it while at walmart i wanted a

00:50:10pint of ben and jerry didn't do it among all that i had so many triggers just earlier regarding the

00:50:16cheesecake factory after i had no more calories i literally just wanted everything i really really

00:50:22wanted to binge really really bad crystal knew this she helped me i am so so grateful for her

00:50:29when i told her i feel like i just want to stuff my feelings and her exact words were you

00:50:34would feel

00:50:35so much better if you didn't i know it's just like a common typical sentence but i really really felt

00:50:41it

00:50:41and it hit home and she was right i'm glad i didn't binge i'm very very very very happy with

00:50:48myself

00:50:48i just edited this full vlog i realized i didn't do an outro it's getting really really late i'm just

00:50:54gonna say good night to you guys and i hope you guys had a great day bye hello everybody the

00:51:01night

00:51:01before i literally got zero sleep i think about two hours i ended up falling asleep super late last night

00:51:07i was so so tired we always set our alarm no matter what no matter if we have to go

00:51:13somewhere or not

00:51:14i just decided let's not set an alarm just to catch up on some sleep and we slept for a

00:51:19long time we

00:51:20slept until 1 30. what i want to talk about a couple things real quick one i am really behind

00:51:28on uploading

00:51:28vlogs i have all my vlogs edited somewhere i kind of fell behind on uploading because i got busy certain

00:51:36days there was actually a couple days where our internet was actually really slow and my computer is

00:51:40so annoying i'm about six days behind almost a week that's okay i'm still gonna upload all the

00:51:46videos don't fret two if you guys want to follow me on instagram here is my handle or username as

00:51:54they

00:51:54call it now i post a picture a day of my body just because i want to go back and

00:51:59see progress so you

00:52:00guys should definitely follow me on there i also post inspirational quotes meals i'm eating three the last

00:52:06few days have been exceptionally cold for spring and around this time it confuses my like body and

00:52:13i get really chapped lips which could possibly cause a cold sore here i feel really bad pain if i

00:52:20end up

00:52:20getting a cold sore videos will have to stop until the cold sore is gone it's something i've dealt with

00:52:25my whole life the last thing i want to talk about is i do plan on weighing myself here in

00:52:29a minute last

00:52:30time i weighed myself the scale wouldn't read me i really really really hope the scale just reads me

00:52:36that was my goal for this week i just weighed myself and had a little bit of brunch scale that

00:52:41we have doesn't weigh up to about 420 pounds 420 pounds was naturally my highest weight when i was 16

00:52:50years old i probably weighed that much for years to be honest probably until i was like 20 21 i'm

00:52:57currently 24 if you guys don't know the fact that the scale wasn't reading me because i reached 420

00:53:02again or around there really it absolutely hurts i don't want to cry it's crazy to me that through

00:53:14everything i reached that weight again i just can't believe it i'm glad i know now happy to announce

00:53:21that the scale finally read me again i'm really really happy i could finally make small goals and

00:53:27be like oh i want to lose two pounds i'm tired of huge goals because they make me feel overwhelmed

00:53:32i sabotage myself i weighed in today at 405.2 it's bittersweet i wish i was at my lowest weight

00:53:41still

00:53:41can't keep holding on to that this is a new journey in this journey i lost a lot of weight

00:53:46this week i'm

00:53:47actually really happy tomorrow's like my official weigh-in day a couple people were having issues

00:53:51with what i feed my animals i just want like a few things clear one i don't buy the food

00:53:58for them two

00:53:58we give them so many different types of foods this isn't even half of it we have to get them

00:54:05some more

00:54:05within the next couple of days they're extremely picky for whatever reason that it is we cannot feed

00:54:13them the same type of food like two days in a row they'll leave it on their plates and they

00:54:17won't

00:54:18eat it i don't understand none of us do some of the ones that we currently have here meow mix

00:54:23we have

00:54:24quite a few of these simply nourish the ones we buy the most are simply nourish there are a couple

00:54:30organic kinds that we feed them a lot of that's why we have no more of those currently we also

00:54:36do great

00:54:36choice fancy feast pro plan the variety pet foods kind it's unstoppable we take care of these animals

00:54:47like they're our children they're freaking spoiled brats we all love them though we all love them

00:54:58what are you doing smokes what are you doing

00:55:09plug it in put this on here snap this down

00:55:16kind of turn on the power and then you're gonna do manual

00:55:23then you're just gonna arrow too low and enter that's it that's it oh it's not like we're setting

00:55:28a timer or anything

00:55:42i got this book eat what you love love what you eat how to break your eat repent repeat cycle

00:55:53pretty thick book it comes with a am i hungry mindful eating program it's a workbook and journal

00:55:59it teaches you just how to eat mindfully you go through a lot of questions and steps to kind of

00:56:06understand you know what you're going through and why you eat the way you do crystal's parents are all

00:56:14about the essential oils they literally have over 100 i'll have to show you her mom made this thieves one

00:56:20for cold sores so i put all my lips and it started like burning i have to go ask them

00:56:27if that's even

00:56:28normal

00:56:33i tried that stuff where my lips will be burning because i'm burning bad

00:56:39what are these

00:56:40you still in a little draft

00:56:40i think

00:56:44you're right

00:56:44it's almost like numb feeling too yeah i'm scared a little what if i did eat a lot what would

00:56:53happen

00:57:02i swear to god i'm not joking

00:57:05if teeth could be numb they'd be numb too i feel like

00:57:08so everything i said this one's fine could be in my mouth

00:57:11okay

00:57:15let's do a little taste test i've never had this extra sweet watermelon gum before

00:57:20so let's give it a go i notice if i pull this little flap right here it opens better

00:57:29bam

00:57:33smells so bomb

00:57:36i eat gum when i have no more calories left and i'm feeling kind of hungry or i want to

00:57:42binge

00:57:43or i just want something in my mouth it honestly really helps it smells so good

00:57:59five calories zero sugar zero fat yes so so so so so so so good

00:58:07tastes just like sweet watermelon hence the name don't mind the clicking crystal's got that rock band

00:58:13knife she's playing with some friends online so this is my big purse that i'm

00:58:18gonna start using isn't it adorable i've had it for years in the inside i mean this thing opens up

00:58:25a square mile i swear to god i'm editing this vlog right now and i figured i should just end

00:58:33it

00:58:33you know those people who chew gum like this um i'm kind of one of them people as much as

00:58:39i keep

00:58:39putting on like chapstick and things like that my cold sore is still coming in i might have to be

00:58:44low-key with the videos time i'm all caught up with actually uploading the videos maybe this will be

00:58:51gone by then today is sunday the 26th so i hope you guys had a great day today and i

00:58:58will see you in

00:58:59my next vlog bye hello everybody i decided today i'm gonna film a weight loss diaries video i did weigh

00:59:06in

00:59:07today i was expecting to be down weight from yesterday i stepped on the scale and for some

00:59:11reason it said air there's no way i gained weight i am on track i'm eating my calories i'm eating

00:59:18healthier etc it really really just dampers my mood completely the scale really knows how to get to me

00:59:25i hate how the scale just decides the type of mood i'm going to be in today it's very unhealthy

00:59:31i just think for my journey right now i'm going to a lower my calories i find that i have

00:59:39such a high

00:59:39calorie limit that at night sometimes i struggle to find what to eat and i'll eat the wrong things

00:59:46because i have extra calories i'm gonna try drinking some more water right now i probably drink about

00:59:52two or three waters that are this size i just feel very very very sad i wanted today to be

01:00:00a good

01:00:00day it's monday a new week i was already gonna lower my calories just a tad bit now i feel

01:00:06like

01:00:06i'm gonna lower them quite a bit i'm not gonna be weighing myself for a while i just don't want

01:00:12to

01:00:12see air i don't i really honestly just feel like crying right now my emotions are so all over the

01:00:19place like half of me wants to just binge and be like it the other half of me wants to

01:00:23just like

01:00:24never eat again the struggle to lose weight is so undeniably hard for me i had a

01:00:30really really good week i wish today i could start this week great but i'm not i don't know if

01:00:38i'm

01:00:38too scale obsessed i probably am and i really need to try to take that away from my personality days

01:00:45like this when i weigh in and i don't see something that i like i really really am just tormented

01:00:50by it

01:00:50all day long and for the next couple of days and i don't like that i really don't know what

01:00:55else to

01:00:55say you guys i'm sorry some of my videos are really short it's just purely because i have

01:01:00nothing to say normally my videos like this are probably around 10 minutes and i shorten them

01:01:05very drastically there's no reason for me to repeat myself a thousand different times i hope you guys

01:01:10had a good weigh-in if you had a weigh-in or if you guys are just having a good

01:01:13day in general try not

01:01:15to let the scale get to you like it gets to me because it really really really can ruin someone's

01:01:19mood my mood i'll see you guys in my next video bye hello everybody don't mind this little fly away

01:01:28right here it's just having the time of its life doing outfit of the day wearing my hair in a

01:01:33really

01:01:34extremely messy something or other looks like a bird's nest or something sometimes i just do not

01:01:40care about my hair whatsoever as you can tell oh yeah now that's magic this silver statement necklace

01:01:47that i got from charlotte roos these silver owl earrings that i think i got from charlotte roos

01:01:52or walmart this big silver elephant ring that i got from shopmissay.com i'm wearing a purple tank top i

01:02:00think i got this from old navy a long time ago years ago a aztec cardigan with fringe on the

01:02:07bottom

01:02:07that i got from charlotte roos and that's it enjoy the sun while it's here crystal's mom showed

01:02:22me how to use this crock pot she said at 12 o'clock three minutes late whoops to put this

01:02:31in it stay still don't move

01:02:39oh my god this is heavy so what's in the what's in here we have cabbage oh

01:02:46shit sorry sorry sorry we have cabbage in here peppery chili bell peppery orange sauce that because she

01:02:56sees the nutritionists to make healthier meals she gives her a bunch of seasonings

01:03:01all these are organic seasonings i know there's the veggies i know there's already cooked ground

01:03:08turkey it really is hard for me to find a place for y'all to sit my phone is so

01:03:13thin

01:03:16plop it in there she said hook this part

01:03:25i've never actually used this before so she showed me how yesterday i put it in my vlog

01:03:32hooked i think she said press manual oh i have to plug it in first

01:03:38get with the program girl whoops what is in here i've never seen this before garlic okay sorry

01:03:49had a moment sidetracked press manual no power manual and then she wants on low i think yes

01:04:00i guess that's it bam and then this cooks for five hours and then dinner is served crystal and i

01:04:09have

01:04:09some errands to run we're gonna get something to eat out haven't eaten yet today

01:04:17there's no holding that in god bless you crystal and i just ate at a mexican restaurant it is literally

01:04:25so good it's one of our favorites to go to i filled out some applications to try to get a

01:04:30job

01:04:30i called around trying to see if they even got the application i called walmart and i'm not even in

01:04:35their system and i'm like what they want me to go to walmart to fill out the application i guess

01:04:41we're on our way to go do that walmart hiring center i'm just sitting full stool

01:04:52okay ready set go it is so hot in here how is it possible that the car feels this hot

01:05:00like a sauna

01:05:01but it's cold outside i just did my application and you guys will never ever guess how long it

01:05:07took me i was so precise i thought it was just like an application here comes this quiz

01:05:12quiz slash test slash assessment full of 65 in-depth like question i should have been studying

01:05:22for this i was really really nervous it said that it will tell me if i pass or fail if

01:05:27i failed i

01:05:28won't be able to do another application for walmart for two full years so i did the 65 questions and

01:05:35i

01:05:35passed i was so so flipping happy you don't even know the whole situation took me over three hours

01:05:42they said they'll contact me via email there was a girl in there who said that she didn't get

01:05:48called back for a whole year i have done a few other applications for other places but they were

01:05:53so short and just mediocre if it was my choice walmart would definitely be the place just sit straight

01:05:59you loser in the phone crystal and i just got back from walmart while i was doing my application

01:06:04i picked up a few things i got a gallon of water and i'm gonna drink drink drink drink

01:06:13water's so good for you water's so good for you i also got something else

01:06:21among some fat-free milk that isn't even important i got this minute made light 15 calories super super

01:06:28cute pink lemonade crystal and i were so thirsty at walmart we got this we got another big thing of

01:06:35water we got some straws totally not important but these are for our protein shakes i'll have to get

01:06:40protein shake all up on my top lip

01:06:54um

01:06:59that was a fail

01:07:00oh i did

01:07:01you look like you didn't even budge

01:07:06yeah i wanted her to scream

01:07:09yeah you could have dropped that

01:07:10that would have been awesome

01:07:12alright i'm getting some cereal

01:07:14ain't nobody said

01:07:16you can't have cereal at night

01:07:18okay i'm gonna have

01:07:20special k vanilla almonds

01:07:22with some fat free mail

01:07:24as you guys know i'm struggling with a cold blister coming in

01:07:28i'm trying my hardest to use carmax

01:07:31the essential oils thieves

01:07:33and randomly the essential oils just chapstick

01:07:38that crystal's parents made

01:07:40so far it's not getting too big

01:07:42tomorrow i'm gonna start going to the gym again

01:07:44tomorrow is tuesday

01:07:45i was gonna go today but i was just feeling so unmotivated

01:07:49screw it

01:07:50not doing anything productive

01:07:51i notice a lot of the time i'm filming like this

01:07:54instead of like filming like a normal person

01:07:56i think the gym is gonna be back in my life

01:07:58i'm really hoping my lip doesn't prevent that from happening

01:08:01if this gets bigger by tomorrow

01:08:04i will not be attending the gym

01:08:06you guys are seeing me in my bed

01:08:10i'm getting ready to go to sleep

01:08:12and i forgot to end my vlog

01:08:14sad news is

01:08:16i had kind of a rough day emotionally

01:08:18with just a lot of different things

01:08:20that i don't really feel like talking about right now

01:08:23i ended up binging tonight

01:08:25i ate way way way way way way too much

01:08:28it's really upsetting

01:08:30i know with this eating disorder i can't heal overnight

01:08:34you know there's only so much i can do

01:08:35i'm trying to control it

01:08:37i try not to give in

01:08:38it's just really hard

01:08:40as long as i don't give in more than i do give in

01:08:44i feel like eventually i will heal from this

01:08:46i hope you guys enjoyed this vlog

01:08:47and i'll see you in my next video

01:08:49bye

01:08:49hello everybody

01:08:51right now i'm just making my own healthy version of teriyaki veggies with rice

01:08:59i'm using brown rice

01:09:01and here i have two small chicken breasts

01:09:05carrots

01:09:06organic celery

01:09:09mushrooms

01:09:10orange bell pepper

01:09:12and i'm using a little bit of this

01:09:15organic adobo seasoning

01:09:17less sodium teriyaki sauce

01:09:22i find beauty

01:09:24in the most random things

01:09:25i was cutting the celery

01:09:27and it looks like a rose

01:09:28i mean it's so pretty

01:09:29i'm gonna do the strive circle

01:09:32which is

01:09:33a bunch of cardio and strength

01:09:37things

01:09:39in the circle

01:09:43i got my water ready

01:09:46i'm gonna go on this little handy dandy thing

01:10:06so i just did the strive circle now i'm on this

01:10:11getting that workout in

01:10:13making a protein shake

01:10:15i use stuvia in the raw

01:10:17i'm gonna use this tropical blend

01:10:18there's peach, mango, pineapple, and banana in it

01:10:21cookie and cream ump powder

01:10:23and fat-free milk

01:10:25i have a magic bullet

01:10:26and it's literally

01:10:27it is magical

01:10:28yes

01:10:29all you do

01:10:30is pulsated

01:10:35bam

01:10:36shazam

01:10:38it's hard to suck though

01:10:42oh i like it like this better

01:10:44sometimes i make it with blueberries

01:10:46i think i like it better with this

01:10:52putting a fruit into my protein shakes

01:10:55has been one of the best decisions i've ever made

01:10:58i'm not a fruit type of gal i do not like fruit

01:11:01i by far prefer vegetables

01:11:03it's hard for me to get down fruit

01:11:05a serving of fruit a day for me is decent

01:11:08what are you doing back there

01:11:12she's behind the curtain

01:11:14in front of the window

01:11:16what are you doing

01:11:22got myself some 15 calorie lemonade

01:11:25pink lemonade

01:11:28this is good huh

01:11:29oh my gosh

01:11:30how's that only 15 calories

01:11:32lemonade for life yo

01:11:35if you're a pretty little liars fan

01:11:37you know that pretty little liars

01:11:40season six

01:11:41will be starting again in june

01:11:42literally the best thing that's ever happened to me

01:11:45i'm trying to have crystal catch up on pretty little liars right now

01:11:48she's on season three episode 15

01:11:52we're watching it right now

01:11:53girl

01:11:54you gotta catch up

01:11:56so we can watch it together

01:11:57so we can experience this together

01:12:00because things get cray

01:12:02if you guys like pretty little liars

01:12:03you should let me know in the comments below

01:12:05also you should let me know

01:12:06what is your favorite show

01:12:07it is the next day

01:12:08i just woke up

01:12:10and i totally forgot to end my vlog last night

01:12:12i literally hate when i do that

01:12:14i was laying in bed

01:12:16i was three seconds away from falling asleep

01:12:18shoot i forgot to end my vlog

01:12:20i kind of just accepted it

01:12:22and said i'll worry about that tomorrow

01:12:24i hope you guys enjoyed this video

01:12:26and i'll see you in my next one

01:12:27bye

01:12:28hello everybody

01:12:29so as you guys know

01:12:30i'm currently going through a breakup

01:12:32i am getting an undeniably amount of questions

01:12:35people are saying that i didn't explain very well

01:12:38i compiled a bunch of questions

01:12:41and i wrote them down

01:12:42i'm just here to be open

01:12:44honest

01:12:45and finally kind of explain everything that's going on in short form

01:12:48are you two getting back together

01:12:50no we're not

01:12:51do you still live with her

01:12:52currently i do still live with her

01:12:54do you guys still cuddle or hug

01:12:56when we first broke up

01:12:58we did hug

01:13:00we didn't cuddle

01:13:01we were at a very confused state

01:13:03we do not do any of that anymore

01:13:05we are completely just over

01:13:08it's way too hard to be broken up with somebody

01:13:12and still try to do things as if you were in a relationship

01:13:15it's just not healthy

01:13:17so this question actually upsets me

01:13:20are you lying about the breakup just to get attention

01:13:23that's really really insulting to me

01:13:26because i would never in a million years lie about something like this

01:13:30when crystal first broke up with me

01:13:31it was literally the most horrible feeling i have ever felt in my whole entire life

01:13:36my whole world crashed down

01:13:38i was shocked and confused

01:13:40when you think that someone is going to be in your life forever loving you and you loving her

01:13:45and then your whole world crashes down

01:13:48in just an instant

01:13:50it's hard to accept those feelings and really absorb them

01:13:56it was just traumatizing to say the least

01:13:59do you still share a bed

01:14:01is it hard

01:14:03we do share a bed

01:14:04i don't see any reason why crystal needs to buy a new bed

01:14:09because if i do and when i do plan on moving

01:14:15they'd have an extra bed

01:14:16there's no reason for it

01:14:17i don't want them to waste the money

01:14:18friends sleep together all the time

01:14:20we aren't close in the bed

01:14:22we kind of just sleep

01:14:23if she wanted you back

01:14:25would you take her back

01:14:26a while ago i would have said yes in a split second

01:14:29i've had time to think

01:14:31and we've talked a lot

01:14:33i wouldn't

01:14:33neither would she

01:14:35we just realized that relationship wise we are not meant to be

01:14:39it's just something that we have to accept and move on

01:14:42how'd you realize you two were meant to be just friends

01:14:45i think this question is going to tie a lot into

01:14:49why did you break up

01:14:50i didn't give you guys an answer

01:14:52i'm here to give you guys an answer now

01:14:54this is hard for me

01:14:56but i wanted to be honest with you guys

01:14:58crystal and i were together for three and a half years

01:15:02the first two years were amazing

01:15:04the first year was even more amazing

01:15:06i literally was on top of the world

01:15:08she accepted me for who i was

01:15:11i'm getting emotional

01:15:13i was her first relationship

01:15:15her first love

01:15:16her first everything

01:15:17i have been in love before

01:15:20but crystal was so different

01:15:21she's special

01:15:22she is one of the nicest people i've ever known in my life

01:15:25she has a kind heart and a kind soul

01:15:27and i will never ever downgrade her

01:15:30or say anything bad about her to anybody

01:15:33because she really is just an amazing person

01:15:35as the second year was coming to a close

01:15:39i felt unloved and unwanted

01:15:42and i kind of just played it off as

01:15:45i'm an insecure person

01:15:46i always feel like people are mad at me

01:15:49or they dislike me for whatever reason

01:15:51and i tried to use that as an excuse

01:15:54there were plenty of times where i'd ask crystal

01:15:56do you still love me

01:15:57do you still think i'm beautiful

01:15:59do you still like me as a girlfriend

01:16:01do you see yourself with me for a long time

01:16:03the reason why i would ask her those things

01:16:05is because

01:16:07she stopped telling me i was beautiful

01:16:09she stopped

01:16:15sorry

01:16:15she stopped

01:16:17looking at me

01:16:20with the eyes

01:16:22that she looked at me when i first came here

01:16:25she didn't kiss me the same

01:16:26she didn't hug me the same

01:16:28we were drifting apart

01:16:29and nobody knew it

01:16:31i

01:16:32tried to blame it on

01:16:34we were one of those couples

01:16:35who were just used to each other

01:16:36i was trying to say

01:16:37oh i'm just insecure

01:16:38we're used to each other

01:16:40that's amazing

01:16:40that means we're comfortable around each other

01:16:42we don't always have to be kissing

01:16:43it was just so many lies i kept saying to myself

01:16:46there came a time where

01:16:48we wouldn't kiss each other for months

01:16:50we'd go on dates and

01:16:54they were fun right

01:16:56but

01:16:57something was missing

01:16:58it completely just

01:16:59everything changed

01:17:02and i didn't want to believe it

01:17:05we hid it from everybody

01:17:10even when we told crystal's parents that we broke up

01:17:13they were shocked

01:17:14her dad said

01:17:15but you guys seemed fine

01:17:17crystal um

01:17:18told me one day

01:17:19she didn't feel the same for me anymore

01:17:21she was not in love with me

01:17:22at all

01:17:23she just was not in love with me anymore

01:17:25i

01:17:26literally

01:17:27died

01:17:28my just whole world fell apart

01:17:31i wasn't expecting it

01:17:32because i kept lying to myself

01:17:34over and over

01:17:35i wanted this fairy tale with her

01:17:38god i wasn't supposed to cry

01:17:40what is this

01:17:41i wanted this fairy tale with crystal

01:17:44and it just wasn't happening

01:17:46and i tried my hardest for

01:17:48months to fix things

01:17:50and

01:17:50just

01:17:52nothing worked

01:17:55she told me she wanted to see other people

01:17:57she wasn't sure if she'd ever be in love with me again

01:17:59because she didn't feel the same

01:18:01some people are just not meant to be

01:18:05as much as i wanted it to be

01:18:09this ties into the next question

01:18:12how did i realize we were just meant to be friends

01:18:14um

01:18:16after the shock wore off

01:18:17and

01:18:19i processed in my head that

01:18:21i did not feel like somebody's girlfriend

01:18:23for a lot of that relationship

01:18:25because we did drift apart completely

01:18:28i realized that i didn't want to be with someone like that

01:18:31i didn't want to force someone to love me

01:18:33i didn't want to trap somebody

01:18:35because i was lying to myself so much

01:18:37i realized that i'm not in love with her either

01:18:40i love crystal so much as a person

01:18:44she changed my life

01:18:47she made me realize that there are

01:18:49angels out there

01:18:51people with big hearts

01:18:57and i felt horrible for her

01:18:59because

01:19:00she told me that

01:19:02for a whole year

01:19:04she wasn't in love with me

01:19:06and she was trying to protect my feelings

01:19:08and

01:19:08when she told me that i knew right there

01:19:11i cannot

01:19:12let her be with me

01:19:14i do not want to trap her

01:19:16i'm not that type of person

01:19:18at all

01:19:18so

01:19:19you guys see me as this girl

01:19:21who just got broken up with

01:19:22like two months ago

01:19:24but really this has been happening for over a year

01:19:26just me feeling like

01:19:28i was a friend

01:19:30and

01:19:31it's hard

01:19:32it's really hard

01:19:33and

01:19:33i just

01:19:34everything is all just jumbled

01:19:36in my head

01:19:37i don't even know how to begin to explain how i'm feeling

01:19:40just besides hurt and confused

01:19:41and

01:19:42i feel free

01:19:44i feel relieved

01:19:45i'm so grateful that this is

01:19:47this has happened

01:19:48at first i thought it was the end of the world

01:19:49but

01:19:50this is meant to be

01:19:51and i know it's meant to be

01:19:52as hard as it is

01:19:53this is the right thing to do

01:19:56we are not in love with each other

01:19:58i just feel like

01:20:00we're meant to be friends

01:20:01because we do get along as friends

01:20:03are you still hurting?

01:20:04obviously yes

01:20:05i'm still hurting

01:20:06it doesn't hurt me as much

01:20:08i think what more so hurts is that one day

01:20:10i will be moving

01:20:11i can't be here forever

01:20:13i feel like it's very unhealthy for me to stay here

01:20:15these people are my family

01:20:16they've become

01:20:17very much like my family

01:20:20but i feel like if i stay here

01:20:22i'm putting my whole life on hold

01:20:24and i feel like i'm really not gonna get anywhere

01:20:26with my life

01:20:27and that's the truth

01:20:29as much as it sucks

01:20:30and it hurts

01:20:31i know i need to move on

01:20:33and crystal's accepting it as well

01:20:34how are you feeling?

01:20:36just being friends with her

01:20:37i feel free

01:20:38i feel better

01:20:39we can finally have time

01:20:41time to ourself

01:20:42we were together 24-7

01:20:44for over three years

01:20:46there wasn't a time

01:20:46we weren't together

01:20:47besides if we had to go to the bathroom

01:20:49we were together all the time

01:20:51and now i find time

01:20:52to just be by myself

01:20:53and you take those little things for granted

01:20:57honestly you do

01:20:57because you get so attached to someone else

01:21:00that you become them almost

01:21:02it's like crystal and amberlynn

01:21:04crystal and amberlynn

01:21:05no i am amberlynn

01:21:06that is crystal

01:21:08we are two different people

01:21:09and we have two different tracks in life

01:21:13we see things a lot alike

01:21:14but we also just see things so differently

01:21:17are you planning on staying in virginia?

01:21:20no i do not plan on staying in virginia

01:21:22the only reason why i moved here

01:21:23was to be with my girlfriend

01:21:25the girl that i love to death

01:21:27i don't see any point in me being here

01:21:29i will always, always, always, always, always

01:21:33be in communication with crystal

01:21:34because we are friends

01:21:36she is my best friend

01:21:37and she doesn't want to lose me

01:21:39and i don't want to lose her

01:21:40there's just no way

01:21:42that we are ever going to move on

01:21:45with our lives

01:21:47if i am still in this house

01:21:48if i am still in virginia

01:21:50i don't like virginia as a whole

01:21:52i don't like the weather

01:21:53i don't like the people

01:21:53i don't like the environment

01:21:54i just don't like it at all

01:21:57so i feel like it's right for me

01:22:00to leave

01:22:01when i'm leaving

01:22:03that's a whole other story

01:22:05crystal's actually the only person that knows

01:22:08and her aunt because me and her aunt are super close

01:22:12those are the only two people that know

01:22:14that i will be leaving virginia one day

01:22:16and i want to say it's in the near future

01:22:19but i'm not 100% sure right now

01:22:21what if one of you start dating other people

01:22:24we are both actually talking to people right now

01:22:28she's talking to a couple people

01:22:29i'm talking to just one person

01:22:31that i have formed a really deep connection with

01:22:34which was unexpected completely

01:22:37i i don't even know how it's happened

01:22:40of course it's hard for the both of us

01:22:42especially because crystal

01:22:43started liking other people

01:22:45way before i even started talking to other people

01:22:48and it's gonna be hard

01:22:50i'm living with my ex-girlfriend

01:22:52the woman that i thought i'd spend the rest of my life with

01:22:55so yes it's gonna be hard

01:22:58but we have to accept it

01:23:00and adapt to it while i'm currently here

01:23:02because we are both in our 20s

01:23:06we need to venture out

01:23:08we can't be just in this house

01:23:12with each other as friends

01:23:13and not moving on with life

01:23:15we both know we need to move on

01:23:17and it's extremely important to do so

01:23:19i would never want her to feel like

01:23:22she can't date other people while i'm here

01:23:25because that is insane

01:23:27i don't even feel like i'd be jealous

01:23:28because i'm so secure with what i have

01:23:32and with what i'm feeling

01:23:33how do you get over a breakup

01:23:35honestly it depends on the person

01:23:37my story is kind of out of whack

01:23:39not many people live with their exes

01:23:41it's gonna be different for everyone

01:23:43but i feel like my main word of advice

01:23:45would be surround yourself with people

01:23:47who make you happy

01:23:48who make you laugh

01:23:49who are kind to you

01:23:50and who are understanding

01:23:51and who can let you vent

01:23:53surround yourself with hobbies

01:23:54and just activities that you love

01:23:56like love

01:23:57and do not forget to cry

01:23:59because if you hold it all in

01:24:02you'll blow

01:24:03do it and let it out

01:24:05because it's really important

01:24:06to let those feelings out

01:24:08and those emotions out

01:24:10trust me

01:24:11because when i hold them in

01:24:13it ain't pretty

01:24:14how are you feeling overall

01:24:17i am feeling overwhelmed you guys

01:24:19i'm sure a lot of people

01:24:20don't understand this

01:24:22but this is my life

01:24:23and my story

01:24:24and my breakup

01:24:25i guess the only person

01:24:27that can really understand

01:24:28what i'm going through

01:24:29is myself

01:24:30everyone is different

01:24:31and that's just how it is

01:24:33so i hope i answered

01:24:34enough questions

01:24:36i'm really nervous for the future

01:24:38i'm scared for the future

01:24:39because my future was crystal

01:24:41but things have changed drastically

01:24:43in the last year

01:24:44that's really all i have to say

01:24:46thank you guys so much for watching

01:24:47if you guys have any more questions

01:24:49leave them in the comments below

01:24:50i guess i can either answer them there

01:24:53make another video

01:24:53i don't know

01:24:54but trust me there will be several updates

01:24:55in this crazy freaking life of mine

01:24:57because i have no idea what's happening

01:25:00i'll see you guys

01:25:01in my next video

01:25:02bye

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