- 3 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Thanks to a string of missed shots in the field,
00:03and because shame builds character, maggot,
00:07I shall now retrain you in the art of the net gun.
00:12Meet your target.
00:14This is safe, right?
00:16We'll know soon.
00:17Officers, take aim.
00:19Release the target!
00:22It's not your friend.
00:23It's a ta that's being chased by a timber wolf.
00:25Fire!
00:27Do you have your eyes open for that shot?
00:30Fail!
00:34I can't do it.
00:35I can't shoot my boy.
00:36Your boy just killed a mother of three.
00:38Fail!
00:39Oh, wait for it.
00:42Gotcha.
00:43You jammed my gun?
00:45Always check your cartridge.
00:46Fail!
00:48You have brought shame to the name of Colin Brown.
00:51Come on, guys.
00:52Inventor of the net gun.
00:58Fix the cartridge.
01:00Sir.
01:01Lunch, anybody?
01:02You could go for some time.
01:03All these nets have me trade the seafood.
01:05Your training worked.
01:06Hit you on the first shot.
01:08Wait, are you guys going to tie or seafood?
01:11Seafood.
01:11They said they...
01:12Shut up, maggot!
01:14Sorry.
01:15Sorry, you want me to help you up?
01:16Yeah, can you help me?
01:16You have a knife.
01:18Okay.
01:19Wait, are you going to knock that knife away?
01:19Say goodbye.
01:20Okay.
01:21You're okay.
01:21Let's go to систем of the weather.
01:22Kay.
01:23Remember we wanted to head to druid.
01:24Let's go to the 90s.
01:24You're out.
01:26Me!
01:26Ready.
01:29You're out.
01:30Get out.
01:33сто塑, let's go to yourångery.
01:33Yeah.
01:34So, I'll call you go to the нормal 물 system.
01:35Let's go to the readyliminal degenerate.
01:36I let's go to my ta information.
01:37I got this.
01:37Sawyer's show.
01:39Okay, next up, we have a personal announcement from Daisy.
01:49Oh, yes.
01:51Do not use the quilted toilet paper.
01:52I bring that from home.
01:54It is not my fault that Seattle can only afford one ply.
01:57Thank you, Daisy.
01:58Yeah, duly noted.
01:59Oh, are we signing on time?
02:01Yeah, just like we do every morning.
02:03So this, this is the morning meeting?
02:04Man, having a job is crazy.
02:07Parker, did you use our gym to do some squatting?
02:09We hear you're good at that.
02:10Nah, big cat.
02:11Today was chest and arms.
02:12See, with Parker, your sarcasm doesn't break through.
02:14It's like somebody throwing darts at a tank.
02:16Ting, ting, ting, ting.
02:18Did you guys choreograph an anti-sarcasm dance?
02:20Parker, you're really fine, but you are distracting,
02:23and my boss has the floor right now, so...
02:25Understood.
02:25My apologies.
02:26I've got to get out of here anyways.
02:28Bye.
02:28Oh, it tastes salty.
02:29It's like kissing a potato chip.
02:32Oh!
02:32Yeah.
02:33And next up, as a thank you to Frank for returning their horse last month,
02:38Rotten Rancho sent him this gift certificate for a free couple's sunset horse ride.
02:43Romantic and free.
02:44That's my kind of date, big cat.
02:46Oh, I'm shutting that nickname down.
02:47Are you sure?
02:48Because it's good.
02:49Oh, if it's available, I call it.
02:50I'm big cat now.
02:51Frank, if I may, when was the last time that you went on an actual date?
02:55It's hard to keep track of those things.
02:57Yeah, it's three months by my count.
02:59You said you were taking time to work on yourself.
03:01That long of a dry spell, I'll bet he's working on himself.
03:03Hey, y'all!
03:04Hey, y'all!
03:05So, this gift certificate expires at the end of the month, which is that, uh, that's today.
03:11Cool idea.
03:12Give it to me and I'll take Parker.
03:14Doesn't he get enough free stuff?
03:15He walked out of here in my gym shorts.
03:17It's tonight.
03:18That's a tight timetable, even for me, for you, impossible.
03:20There's just no way.
03:22Insulting challenge accepted.
03:24You know what?
03:25Fine.
03:25Find a Philly by Five with a free rider's mind.
03:28Shake on it.
03:29Shake my...
03:30Oh.
03:30Oh.
03:31Dry spell's making a lot of sense.
03:33Hey, community outreach officer.
03:36First official event tonight.
03:37Very exciting.
03:38I figure, why do a neutering event when you can do a neutering experience, right?
03:43Dr. Green does the surgery.
03:45I pour the wine.
03:46That's why I called it the Sip and Snip.
03:50Yeah.
03:50Love that.
03:51Yeah, it's very ambitious.
03:53DJ's ready.
03:54Food trucks are ready.
03:55Food trucks.
03:56So, so multiple.
03:57Yep.
03:57Mm.
03:58Maybe I should just stay tonight and help out.
04:00Aren't you the one who gave an entire PowerPoint presentation about how you were going to delegate
04:04more after the merger?
04:05That was a PowerPoint and this is real life.
04:08Okay.
04:08So in that case, maybe I'll just send you a text update every 20 minutes.
04:11The way I make Danny do on sleepovers.
04:12That would be great, would you?
04:14You were joking.
04:15Hmm.
04:16As was I.
04:17I trust you, obviously.
04:21Hey.
04:22Thanks for volunteering to help out at the Sip and Snip tonight.
04:25Yeah, totally.
04:26Uh, but you know what would be even better?
04:28I'm not spying on Patel for you.
04:29You have to.
04:30This whole thing's shaping up to be a real poop show.
04:32No, no way.
04:33Patel's in double thumbs up mode.
04:35He's got this.
04:35Look at him.
04:37See?
04:38It's not a big deal.
04:39Just turn on your body camera, let it roll, and then I'll watch the live feed from another
04:43room.
04:43Okay, look, I don't usually bring up the HR stuff with our relationship, but right now
04:48you're wading into a very gray area.
04:51Okay.
04:52You know, it's kind of hot when you set boundaries.
04:54Really?
04:55Say it again.
04:58Very gray area.
05:00Okay, okay.
05:03No, I'm sure they would delay the sunset ride for you, Heather.
05:06Well, anywho, what time do you get off work?
05:089.30?
05:09That's ridiculous.
05:10Let me talk to your boss.
05:12Hello?
05:13Hello?
05:13Let's look at the bright side.
05:14At least that lady remembered you.
05:15The first woman remembered me, she's just going to remember from what?
05:18You're like a batter in a slump, brother.
05:20You know, you're in your head.
05:21You're overthinking it.
05:22Yeah, well, that's what regular thinking looks like to an under-thinker.
05:24Now, there he is.
05:25See?
05:26The sarcastic guy doesn't care what anybody thinks.
05:29That's the guy who's going to get a date.
05:30I'm not taking you on the horse ride.
05:31The more you push me away, the more it makes me want to come and get you.
05:40Daisy.
05:41Hey.
05:42Can you get me another box of wine, please?
05:44Daisy.
05:45Oh.
05:45Hey.
05:46You have something more important than Barbra Streisand's life story.
05:48Do you know she used a water bottle as a doll?
05:51Okay.
05:51I'm sorry.
05:52I thought you were here to help.
05:54Oh, no.
05:55I'm here to butter up Emily so I can ask for more vacation days for my cruise.
05:58Uh, listen, big cat.
06:00Hey.
06:01Either you help me or I tell Emily.
06:03That was a good use of the nickname, but bad use of the ultimatum.
06:07I just have to tell Emily that you can't handle this.
06:10Oh.
06:11Well.
06:12Well, you've boxed me in.
06:13Yes.
06:14Can you just make sure people feel not the sun in cheek?
06:15Hell no.
06:16Actually, yes, because there might be some single hotties in here,
06:20and you already know they're thoughtful about birth control.
06:23Yeah, whatever.
06:24Okay.
06:25Dr. Green!
06:27You ready to slice him and dice him, bro?
06:28Ready?
06:28Already started.
06:29And get this.
06:30One of those dogs had a tumor in his testicles.
06:32Nice.
06:33You're saving lives, bro.
06:34Hey, can you put that in an email with my parents?
06:38Put that in an email, for real, please.
06:40I'm being serious.
06:40Yeah.
06:41Hey, what the heck is this?
06:43We've talked about this.
06:44Have you noticed?
06:46Boss?
06:48Hi.
06:48Hey, I was, uh, checking my makeup in the good light.
06:54Okay, fine.
06:55I was spying on the sip and snip.
06:57I have a problem.
06:58Okay, that's it.
06:59You're coming with me to Tai Chi class.
07:01It'll get your mind off of things.
07:02Tai Chi?
07:02Oh, okay.
07:03Yeah, no, it's probably for the best.
07:05Um, I think the guys in the motor pool thought it was gonna jump.
07:07Okay, come on.
07:12I know the CDC says we're not supposed to snuggle these girls, but boy, is it tempting.
07:17Sorry about him.
07:18He got dropped on his head by me later today.
07:20I needed a laugh.
07:22I needed a laugh.
07:22Jokes are free.
07:23The rest comes out of your taxes.
07:24Oh, so technically you're my employee.
07:27I have 4.2 million bosses as of the latest census.
07:30I'm a very busy man.
07:32Well, thanks for making the time for the little old me.
07:36Absolutely.
07:41What's wrong with your face?
07:42I'm probably just having a reaction to that sparkly repartee.
07:44I'm not gonna ask out a woman we just helped out on a call.
07:47It's inappropriate.
07:48I don't think there's anything wrong with dating people you meet through work.
07:51I mean, everybody's so concerned about power dynamics and making people uncomfortable.
07:56You know what makes me uncomfortable?
07:57Policing the heart, brother.
08:00I'll ask her out because the clock is ticking and I refuse to debase myself by asking the ranch
08:04for an extension.
08:07Approach is good.
08:09Just hope he doesn't want it too bad.
08:11Oh, and she's laughing.
08:13Oh, and he's walking back.
08:15He didn't overstay his welcome.
08:16Yes.
08:18Not gonna break stride because it wouldn't look cool going straight to the truck, but
08:21I need you to get her number, I forgot to ask.
08:25He's back.
08:28So the doctor's name is Dr. Tarantino.
08:32Yeah.
08:34We have a situation.
08:36So remember that stray French bulldog we picked up yesterday?
08:39We just neutered it.
08:40Boom.
08:41Added to my total.
08:41Turns out it's not a stray.
08:43It's a prize-winning breeder dog and its owner just showed up.
08:46Oh, God.
08:48Okay, I just Googled it.
08:49French bulldog breeders get $8,000 a puppy.
08:52There's four to five dogs per litter.
08:54That's, that's like...
08:55Okay, baby, just drain it.
08:57Just know it's a lot of money.
08:58You really screwed us on this one, Patel.
08:59You weren't charging the check-ins, right?
09:00No, but you weren't charging me.
09:02You dropped too long.
09:02Hey, hey, hey, stop.
09:04The bigger thing is that Emily's gonna lose her mind when she hears about this.
09:07No one's gonna hear about this unless someone knocks on us.
09:10You can knock on us, buddy.
09:11Don't threaten my boy.
09:13But no one can hear about this, sweetie, okay?
09:14Hey, again, just given our slight age difference, it feels odd when you mother me.
09:17Listen, we need an idea.
09:19Yes.
09:19What if we say that the vet found a suspicious growth, had to operate to save the dog's life?
09:24I kind of like this idea.
09:25What?
09:26Guys, faking dog tumors, that's what we're on right now?
09:28That's what we're on.
09:29Dog tumors.
09:29I know, I know.
09:30He's right.
09:30We can't do that without Dr. Green's help.
09:34Coming up on 5 p.m.
09:36You strike out?
09:39Does that answer your question?
09:41My date is running a little bit late.
09:43In fact, I'm gonna send her another pin.
09:45Oh, my God, Frank, there's so many texts.
09:47You got stood up, partner.
09:49No, no, she's a farmer.
09:51There's no service out there.
09:54Yep, it's over.
09:56Man, this place has it all.
09:57Gym, shower, wine bar, I might never leave.
10:00I have a fun idea for us.
10:02I love fun and your ideas.
10:03Sunset horseback ride at Rutten Ranch tonight.
10:07Why are you making those noises?
10:09Yeah, it's not like she asked you to get a job.
10:10I just don't vibe with the idea of riding animals.
10:13It doesn't seem cool.
10:14What about the three animals in that meatball?
10:16Come on, I used to ride all the time back home.
10:18Those horses never complain.
10:19Oh, I just can't, you know?
10:21But I don't want you to miss out, so I want you to take Frank.
10:22He's already got the cool boots and everything.
10:24I mean, the gift factor would just go to waste, so...
10:27Which technically means I just scored a date, so I win.
10:31And by the way, I will be quoting the movie Tombstone throughout the ride.
10:34I don't know what that is.
10:36Parker, you like Tombstone?
10:37Love pizza.
10:38Emily, this is my instructor, Sifu Gary.
10:44Oh, it sounded like you said, Seafood Gary, but that can't be right.
10:48Is that right?
10:49Sifu is like a title, like teacher.
10:52Welcome to our class.
10:54Thanks.
10:54Bettany's here every week right there in the front row.
10:56Took me a while to get up there.
10:58I started in the back.
10:59Then Diane got carpal tunnel, and I saw my opening.
11:02Oh, boss, there's no phones in class.
11:09It's a pretty strict policy.
11:10Oh, totally.
11:11Yeah, that makes sense.
11:13Maybe we should have Sifu Gary hold your phone until class is over.
11:18I'd be happy to.
11:20Sure.
11:21And your Apple Watch.
11:23Okay.
11:25And your tablet.
11:26Oh, wow.
11:27Both of them.
11:28I just hate to hold back.
11:30Oh, my gosh.
11:32I haven't seen that much denim since we trapped that possum at the Yellowstone viewing party.
11:36Wait, they're coming over.
11:36They're coming over.
11:37Howdy, partners.
11:38Hi.
11:39Howdy.
11:40Wow, you guys are adorable.
11:41Are you twins?
11:42We're married.
11:43Hmm.
11:43Didn't say no to being twins.
11:44I'm Paul.
11:45This is Sapphire.
11:46Stop it.
11:47I'm Paul.
11:47And I'm Sapphire.
11:49Oh, you're kidding.
11:50We're kidding.
11:51That was not true.
11:52Gotta keep an eye on you two.
11:55Paul, get a photo of me fake drinking out of the water trough.
11:58That's cool.
11:59Woo.
12:00Oh, my God.
12:01So fun.
12:02Wow.
12:03Paul and Sapphire definitely met at a strip club, huh?
12:06Maybe.
12:07But Paul's a terrible stage name.
12:09Rise, breathe in.
12:11Sink, breathe out.
12:14Rise, breathe in.
12:16Sink, breathe out.
12:19Rise, breathe in.
12:22Sink, breathe out.
12:24Rise, breathe in.
12:26Bethany?
12:28Hey, it's me.
12:29I'm on Bethany's phone.
12:30How's it going at the sip-in snip?
12:32Sink, breathe out.
12:33Uh, fine.
12:36Wait, you paused.
12:37Why did you pause?
12:38Sink, breathe out.
12:38Are you serious?
12:39I'm sorry.
12:40I had to check in.
12:40It's been like an hour.
12:41It's been nowhere near an hour.
12:43Bethany, we're holding the moon, not our phones.
12:45Oh, I'm sorry.
12:46It's just that we were...
12:47Maybe it would be best if both of you excused yourselves.
12:51Diane, why don't you come back to the front row?
12:53Enjoy your time in the sun, Diane.
12:59It never lasts.
13:01I'm so sorry.
13:03Dr. Green, my guy.
13:07Listen, hey, you remember that dog with the suspicious growth?
13:10Yeah, that was...
13:11That was gnarly.
13:12Yeah, super gnarly.
13:13Listen, I got this dog owner been hassling me.
13:15You wouldn't mind saying it's that dog that had the growth?
13:18You want me to lie?
13:19Big time.
13:20Well, I'd be risking my license, so no.
13:27Bro, uh, okay.
13:29I guess the dogs aren't the only ones around here without balls.
13:33Big cat, shred, let's bounce.
13:36No balls.
13:37Sorry.
13:39So do all Americans grow up wanting to be cowboys, or is that just a stereotype?
13:43I had old west bedsheets, cowboys fighting other characters.
13:48Do all New Zealanders grow up wanting to be Americans?
13:51Until they meet people like Paul and Sapphire.
13:53What do you think they're doing right now?
13:55Probably finding out how much denim chafes if you get it wet.
13:58This is so fun.
14:01Parker never dunks on people with me.
14:03Sometimes I worry that he's too pure for my black heart.
14:05Well, opposites attract, except in nature and most healthy relationships.
14:10Oh, shut up.
14:12This is so pretty.
14:13It must feel good to be up past you big time.
14:22Yeah, it is.
14:23Can we talk yet?
14:36Or are you still afraid you'll say something you regret?
14:39I'm okay.
14:42I am so sorry that I got you moved out of the front row.
14:46I know today was kind of a disaster.
14:48I just, I need to figure out this delegating thing.
14:50You're going bald, boss.
14:51I know, I did start plucking again.
14:53Is it bad?
14:54It's not awesome.
14:56Since this merger, you've been burning it at both ends.
14:59You can't keep up.
15:00And if that means you got to delegate some things,
15:02put Patel in charge of an event, so be it.
15:05But you got to let it go.
15:07Totally.
15:08Yeah.
15:09I have no idea how to do that.
15:11Sifu Gary says it all starts with the breath.
15:16Breathe in.
15:19Breathe out.
15:21Everything's okay.
15:26Patel's got this.
15:28Ms. Damsworth, thank you for your patience.
15:30I'm so sorry we had to neuter your dog.
15:33I still don't understand.
15:34For any and all questions, I'm going to have to direct you to our resident veterinarian,
15:38Dr. um...
15:39B-Cat.
15:39Dr. B-Cat.
15:40Best in the business.
15:42So during a routine examination, we unfortunately found that your dog's dangulous testiculus
15:47was, in layman's terms, totally jacked up.
15:50Dangulous testiculus?
15:52Mm-hmm.
15:53I don't know what the hell's going on here, but I'm calling my lawyer.
15:55Uh, Officer Taylor recently passed the bar.
15:58He's our in-house counsel.
15:59Didn't...
16:00Uh, yes.
16:02But right now, I'm mostly focused on maritime law.
16:05Mar...
16:06What?
16:07It's not my dog.
16:08Huh?
16:09This is Precinct 12, right?
16:10No, this is 22.
16:12Okay.
16:14I'm in the wrong place.
16:15Oh, thank God.
16:16I mean, as a doctor, you would hate to do a neuter wrong.
16:19That would suck.
16:21Wow!
16:21I'm going to leave, but I know you're all lying.
16:23It's really messed up.
16:24Oh, yeah.
16:25We know.
16:26We are not good people.
16:27Oh, thank you.
16:28Wow.
16:29I was just trying to help my friends.
16:30How about that?
16:31This cat's got nine lives, baby.
16:33You're good.
16:35Let's spin it!
16:38Oh!
16:39Oh!
16:40Oh!
16:40Oh!
16:42So what now?
16:44It gets darker, and then stars come out.
16:48Have you never seen a sunset before?
16:51You know, this is, uh...
16:54What?
16:55Strangely...
16:56This is really...
16:58Victoria!
16:59Victoria!
17:00Hey, babe!
17:00Is that Parker?
17:02Hey, babe, it's me!
17:04Victoria!
17:05Hey, babe!
17:05Are you being chased by coyotes?
17:08What is happening?
17:09I ran here.
17:09I couldn't let the sun go down on my shameful behavior.
17:12We met you while you were living in our friend's attic, so you've got to be more specific.
17:15Valid.
17:17Okay, I lied earlier.
17:18The real of it is, is that I'm actually really scared of horses.
17:22You should have told me that, even though it's really childish and embarrassing.
17:26Even standing this close to this huge beast is terrifying.
17:29Mostly because of the teeth.
17:31But if my girl wants to go on a ride, I don't want to do that with her.
17:35Stop.
17:37Take my horse.
17:40Are you sure?
17:41Yeah, ranch house is close, and you guys have almost 20 seconds of sunset left.
17:46Come on.
17:47Okay.
17:49Thanks.
17:49I would have gotten here sooner, but I ran into this couple that was just talking my
17:56ear off.
17:57Paul and Sapphire.
17:58It was like running into the human form of a sneeze that hasn't come.
18:03Baby.
18:04What?
18:04That was kind of snarky.
18:08Let's go.
18:09Babe, what else do you hate about him?
18:11I don't want to judge, but sort of every.
18:14Yeah, they were awful.
18:16Awful people.
18:21Ladies!
18:22Welcome!
18:23That party's winding down, but it was a thorough success.
18:27Wow, yeah.
18:28And there were no incidents?
18:30No.
18:30It was Randall alone on crudite, so that was dicey.
18:34So I'm just wondering, then, what this text message means.
18:36Maybe you can help me.
18:37Sure.
18:38I'm doing what I can to stop it, but Patel is committing medical fraud.
18:42Frowny face.
18:42Hmm.
18:44You knock on me, bro?
18:47I didn't knock on you, bro.
18:49It was me.
18:51Big head.
18:52What?
18:52But it was your idea to be the fake vet?
18:54That is disappointing.
18:55You are diabolical.
18:58This is about the email, isn't it?
18:59No!
19:00This is about me taking this job seriously.
19:03My biggest flaw is that I work too hard, and some might say that I need a vacation, but
19:07that's not what tonight is about.
19:09Tonight is about these dogs and their nuts.
19:12Thank you, Daisy.
19:13You have done.
19:13You're not.
19:14Such good work.
19:15You can go.
19:17It's always about the emu, you son of a bitch.
19:20You heard that, right?
19:21We all heard that?
19:22Is that...
19:22She's obviously lying, but I think it is important to reward narcing and punish those who don't,
19:27which is why the two of you will spend all next week scraping the floors of the rabbit
19:30pens.
19:31Wait, wait.
19:31No, sorry.
19:31Time out.
19:32It just really doesn't seem fair because I hope...
19:34Okay, hold on.
19:34That'll be all.
19:35Bro.
19:40Just breathe, boss.
19:41Just breathe.
19:42Yeah, we're not doing that anymore.
19:43Oh.
19:48Hey.
19:48Hey.
19:49Looks like we all had a rough night, huh?
19:51Turns out you should break in a pair of boots before walking across three miles of scrub rush.
19:55You blew off the ride with Bonnie?
19:57I did.
19:58Broke her heart before she broke mine.
20:01I'm a complicated man.
20:02Don't get too close to me.
20:04Well, here's to getting back on the horse.
20:07Metaphorically and literally.
20:08Oh, and, uh, burn these.
20:11It's too late in the game for an extra hobby.
20:13Okay.
20:14You don't have to do it now.
20:15You want to have a drink?
20:18Make it quick.
20:19Okay.
20:20Okay.
20:20What the hell?
20:33Occupied.
20:34Parker, what are you doing?
20:35Only thing this place was missing was a sauna.
20:37Not anymore.
20:38No, the only thing this place was missing is a lock you can't pick.
20:41You need to shut this down.
20:43Actually.
20:44What?
20:46She's got bacterial dermatitis, so steam's really good for her skin.
20:50Steam's good for our skin.
20:52Us and them, you and me, we're not so different, are we, Liz?
20:59You're a real weirdo, huh?
21:01Dennis Leary in an all-new Going Dutch starts now.
Comments
1