- 10 hours ago
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00:00Shut up! Shut up, everybody! It's Gronk!
00:06Who's that again?
00:07You need to learn our culture.
00:08We are the center of the world.
00:09Rob Gronkowski, four-time Super Bowl winner,
00:12five-time Pro Bowl selection, Taurus Sun, Libra rising.
00:15Are you gonna answer that?
00:16Frank, take a deep breath.
00:18What's up, Gronk? How's my favorite 87?
00:21Of course I do favors.
00:22Need help moving? Throw the ball?
00:24Lady problems?
00:25Oh, you're outside.
00:28Remember, his favorite food is grass,
00:30and his favorite sport is women's soccer.
00:33Take good care of him.
00:34What's up, buddy?
00:35Hi, he has a full-on zebra with him, Frank.
00:38Uh, so Tommy gave me this guy a few months back.
00:40Tom Brady.
00:41Okay.
00:42He got it from Jules.
00:43Julian Edelman.
00:44Yes.
00:45Dude, pull back.
00:46Anyways, Tommy told me it was a teacup breed,
00:48which is awesome, because I love tiny stuff.
00:50Oh, my God, I'm tiny. I'm tiny.
00:53No one told me he'd keep growing.
00:54He's really cool.
00:55But the black and white stripes are kind of triggering.
00:58Anyways, can you guys find him a good home?
01:00Oh, yeah.
01:01I don't know that we can re-home a zebra, so...
01:04Can I talk to you for a sec?
01:06Huddle up.
01:07We're doing this.
01:08No, absolutely not.
01:09We have a hard enough time adopting out adorable puppies.
01:11Much less a Serengeti equine.
01:13Look, I don't ask much.
01:14All you do is ask for stuff.
01:15All right, worst-case scenario,
01:16we leave him in a zoo parking lot after dark.
01:18Can you do that?
01:19Great news!
01:20We'll take him.
01:21We feel really good about this.
01:22Oh, thanks, man.
01:23Oh, it's what we do.
01:25That and tossing them back.
01:26Do you want to get a beer sometime?
01:28Sure, I'll call you.
01:30Gronk and I are getting a beer!
01:31He's not gonna call you.
01:32He is.
01:33Gronk said it.
01:34I just gotta make sure my ringer's on 24-7.
01:36I'm getting a beer with Gronk!
01:37That's sad, huh?
01:39Sorry.
01:40But you have your fourth kit.
01:41These caffeine drinks don't work.
01:42It's the sound of the yawn that I find most on satellites.
01:44See that big extension cord right there?
01:45So that's a step on three.
01:46Take three.
01:47Slowly.
01:48I could just, I could just, please, I'm fine.
01:49I just don't want you to move on.
01:50Why are you walking like you're about to accept a lifetime achievement?
01:52I'm just gonna do it.
01:53I'm just gonna do it.
01:54I'm so sorry.
01:55I'm so sorry.
01:56Oh, sorry.
01:57But you have your fourth kit.
01:58These caffeine drinks don't work.
01:59It's the sound of the yawn that I find most on satellites.
02:00See that big extension cord right there?
02:01So that's a step on three.
02:02Take three.
02:03Slowly.
02:04I could just...
02:05Help him, please.
02:06I'm fine.
02:07I just don't want you to move on.
02:08Why are you walking like you're about to accept a lifetime achievement?
02:10Please, slowly.
02:10Please, I'm fine.
02:12Why are you walking like you're about to accept a lifetime achievement award?
02:16It's because she tripped while she was sneezing mid-jump shot.
02:19She sunk it.
02:20Yeah, you don't have to lie.
02:21These people know who I am.
02:22We were mid-sexy roleplay.
02:24He was a lord from the 1600s.
02:26I was a suckling pig, and I slipped off the dining room table.
02:29I just tweaked my bag a bit.
02:30I'm fine.
02:31I'm going to go to the pharmacy and see if they make ice packs for butts.
02:34Don't do that.
02:34It's fine.
02:35It's fine.
02:35It's my own fault for not doing a few cobra poses before you pop that apple in my mouth.
02:38Call me if you need anything, okay?
02:41The voicemail's pretty full, so just keep trying.
02:43Yeah, okay.
02:43Bye.
02:44Bye.
02:45Bye.
02:45Hey, what's the temp in here?
02:46She likes it at 70.
02:47Hey, everyone.
02:48I have some sad news.
02:50Carl's going to be on sabbatical because his wife is ill.
02:53Yes!
02:54Yes!
02:54Uh, forgive him.
02:56I think he's celebrating because this means he'll be interim union rep.
02:58Yeah, a position I should have had this whole time.
03:01It was a sham election.
03:02Oh, it's true.
03:03I voted for Frank twice.
03:04And, you know, I don't mean to state the obvious,
03:06but union rep is way more important than senior officer.
03:10I have wrested control of this precinct from Templeton, the human rug bird.
03:14It's actually my precinct, but...
03:15And you've wrested nothing.
03:17This man bows to no one.
03:19Daisy, please, this is the time for us to come together.
03:23What?
03:24What's going on?
03:25Well, Frank, your first job as union rep is to represent Templeton at his disciplinary board review.
03:30Never.
03:31Next order of business, I'm going to need an intern.
03:33Probably best to get someone fresh from the academy so I can mold them in my image.
03:37What, you can get interns?
03:38I want an intern, too.
03:39No, nobody gets interns.
03:40And Templeton, what depravity are you definitely guilty of this time?
03:43Nothing.
03:44And I'm confident my body cam footage will exonerate me.
03:47All right, let me set the scene.
03:49There was a report of a small missing dog.
03:50I saw it on the street.
03:51I pulled over.
03:52It disappeared.
03:53I assumed there was theft, so I followed protocol.
03:56Sir, do you have a dog in your pants?
03:58What?
03:58Your pelvis, sir, I clearly see activity and I believe it's a Yorkie, so I'm going to ask you to produce it or remove your pants.
04:04Get away from me, you freak.
04:05Wait, no, come back.
04:06Hey, you okay?
04:07What are you doing?
04:08What are you doing?
04:09You okay?
04:10I'm out here.
04:11What?
04:11Okay, that's enough.
04:12I don't catch him, so.
04:13My man is a quarter horse.
04:15He's not built for distance.
04:16Level with me.
04:17Is it bad?
04:18Only when viewed to the filter of normal human behavior.
04:20I can't go down for this.
04:22They'll send me to the probation room.
04:23Didn't they shut that place down after the expose?
04:25Sorry, what's the probation room?
04:27Uh, it's where they send suspended city workers.
04:30Think of the coolest place full of the most impressive people, and it's the opposite.
04:33You're not allowed to work.
04:35You're not allowed to go home.
04:36You can't go home.
04:37Not till 5 p.m.
04:39Even if I didn't find you reprehensible, which I do, this case is unwinnable.
04:42Then you better win, because right now you're the interim union rep.
04:45I have the votes.
04:46Oh, do you?
04:47Are you forgetting that I brought 10 officers when our precincts merged?
04:50We vote as a block.
04:50Isn't that right, boys?
04:51Mm-hmm.
04:52Fine.
04:53Damn it.
04:54Well, like the Spartans of old, I shall face impossible odds with courage and rock-hard abs.
04:59But I need all the facts, and I absolutely need my own intern.
05:03Nope.
05:04An intern is just so not remotely happening.
05:06Um, okay, everyone.
05:07Let's get back to work.
05:10Tread, can I talk to you about kibble inventory?
05:13Yeah, sure.
05:13Yeah.
05:17Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
05:19I actually brought you to our spot to ask you something.
05:22I love that we have a secret spot.
05:24It's also really nice in here.
05:25Oh, thank you.
05:26I actually did some sweeping, and then I tidied the shelves, and then I also spread some
05:29of my perfume on the cat food bags.
05:31Yeah.
05:31I was wondering why that seafood blend was getting me jazzed.
05:34Wait, wait, wait.
05:35Okay, no.
05:35I do want to ask you a question.
05:37Okay.
05:38Do you want to go on, like, a real date?
05:42Like, out at a restaurant?
05:43Like, an official date?
05:45Yeah.
05:45Yeah, but I thought we couldn't, because you might get in trouble.
05:47I think we can pull it off.
05:49I found this restaurant in Tacoma, and do you know what they're famous for?
05:54Being incredibly far from where we live.
05:57Key lime pie.
05:58I love key lime pie.
05:59I know you do.
06:00Oh, that's so sweet.
06:02Oh, wait.
06:05That's our two minutes.
06:06Okay, so when we walk out of here, just act natural.
06:09Okay.
06:09Okay.
06:10I got it.
06:14What's with the joke or smiles?
06:19Nothing.
06:19We were talking about something that made us smile.
06:22What?
06:25Key lime pie.
06:28I love key lime pie.
06:30The hour was close.
06:35My heart is out.
06:36Storage room?
06:37Yeah, I'll reset my timer.
06:38Okay, yes.
06:43Can you back off?
06:45I can feel your beef stew breath on my cheek.
06:47We need to canvas these four blocks.
06:49Check security cameras.
06:50Talk to witnesses.
06:51Is anyone unfortunate enough to be that close to you?
06:54We have to prove a dog was on the scene.
06:56I know what I saw.
06:57I have 2010 vision.
06:58Better than birds of prey.
06:59You once told me that Margot Robbie checked you out at Target.
07:03Why are you dangling here?
07:04This is supposed to be a closed meeting with my counsel.
07:07Because my back is pretty sore and the sling helped.
07:09I said you could stay if she took notes.
07:11Can you read back what we have so far?
07:12Yeah.
07:12Frank told me to take notes.
07:14I told him to go to hell.
07:16And that's pretty much where we left off.
07:17Is anyone going to take this seriously?
07:19My career's on the line here.
07:20Will you just relax and let me reluctantly do my job?
07:23For the record, it was Margot.
07:25Saw her buying t-shirts with an older blonde guy.
07:27Pretty sure it was Robert Redford.
07:29That I will write down.
07:30That's great.
07:32After you, my lady.
07:33Thank you very much.
07:36Oh, people here are not as dressed up as...
07:39You're not that overdressed.
07:42No, Daisy.
07:46What do I do?
07:47Shred.
07:47She may have spotted me.
07:50Hey, I have to go intercept.
07:51No, no, no.
07:52Yes, just stay here.
07:53I'm going to make a call for you.
07:54Okay, I'll just meet you at the car.
07:55Okay, two minutes.
07:56Wait, wait, wait.
07:57My keys.
07:59Daisy.
08:00Yes, hey.
08:01What are you doing here?
08:02Well, all that talk of key lime pie, I got a craving.
08:05So I googled best place in the city and this place popped up.
08:08Yes, so I'm the reason you're here.
08:10Yep.
08:10Love that.
08:11Love that.
08:12Oh, sorry.
08:14Ah, it looks like my date just canceled last minute.
08:17Emergency dental surgery, bottom incisor.
08:20Uh, that sounds really specific and fake.
08:24I think she's blowing you off.
08:25Dang.
08:26Well, I'm going to go process these emotions at home.
08:28I also got stood up.
08:30My son blew me off to go hang out with his friends.
08:33Yeah, that sounds tough.
08:34Hey, let's get into that tomorrow.
08:36I was just sitting here scrolling through pictures of him when he was little.
08:39Pathetic, right?
08:42No, it's not pathetic.
08:43It's actually really sweet.
08:45Hey, show me that baby.
08:48Yeah?
08:48Yeah.
08:49Okay.
08:49Oh, two slices of key lime pie, please.
08:52Look how adorable he was.
08:56He has a big head, so he did a number on me.
09:03Oh, no.
09:07What?
09:09What was in this?
09:15No, do not pick on your first official date.
09:17Do not do it.
09:18Not that he would notice.
09:20Okay, looks like none of the neighbors have any footage of the dog.
09:24You think they're all in on this?
09:26No.
09:27Maybe.
09:27Probably.
09:28I mean, people tend to hate you.
09:29I'm trying to support you, but this just feels like a community cleanup.
09:32Look, there's no evidence too small.
09:33We are painting a picture.
09:35What's the bell-off or broken wind chime going to do to help us?
09:37What's next?
09:38We've talked to everyone.
09:39Not everyone.
09:40Hi.
09:41My name's Frank.
09:42Can I ask you a couple of questions about a missing dog?
09:45Doggy?
09:46Yeah, doggy.
09:47Doggy?
09:48Uh, this is what he looks like.
09:50Have you seen him?
09:51Push, please.
09:52Sure.
09:53You know, anything that you can remember would be very helpful.
09:56Hi, Eric.
09:57Listen here, Miss Swinglover.
09:58Okay, okay.
09:59Is she playing with us, Frank?
10:00Turn up the heat.
10:01Turn up the heat.
10:01What are you doing?
10:02Hi.
10:03Can I, uh, help you?
10:05Uh, yes.
10:06Um, I'm Officer Frank Shaw with the Seattle Department of Animal Control, NCIS.
10:11We're here to ask your daughter some questions, and it's not going very well, is it?
10:14Doggy eat dragon.
10:15Doggy eat dragon?
10:16What does that even mean?
10:17She can't even string two coherent thoughts together.
10:19All right, I need you to get off my property.
10:21Okay.
10:21Uh, I'm sorry about him.
10:23If it's any consolation, a jury of his peers is about to toss him in the cage.
10:26Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you, Frank?
10:28See me cut it off to some probation room, doorless bathroom stalls?
10:31God only knows who I'll be when I get out of that gladiator school.
10:34You know what?
10:35I'm done.
10:36Shocker, you're quitting just like you quit on your marriage.
10:39Never been married.
10:40Yeah, because no one will have you.
10:41Burn, I knew that.
10:42And bye-bye union rip-boats.
10:45Frank, open the door, big guy.
10:47Frank, what are you doing?
10:48You can't leave me here.
10:48My picture's all over community websites.
10:50Frank, Frank!
10:54Oh.
10:56Come on, Dutch.
10:57Find that fourth gear.
11:05Hi, how's it going?
11:07Hey, uh, Daisy's in the bathroom, but we're almost done here.
11:10Just have to power through the rest of the sangria.
11:12Give me like ten more minutes.
11:13Great, yeah.
11:14Um, I can be there in 15 minutes.
11:16Wait, aren't you in the parking lot?
11:18Oh, no.
11:19I am at the car wash.
11:22Why?
11:23Well, because, uh, your backseat is an entire ecosystem.
11:26But, yeah, no, I will be there as fast as I can.
11:32I'm away, lady!
11:34Emily?
11:35Patel?
11:36Patel?
11:36Hi.
11:37Hi.
11:37Hi.
11:38What are you doing here so far from your own house?
11:41Two-dollar Tuesdays.
11:42Cheapest wash in the greater metro area.
11:44Everybody's favorite.
11:45Baby's in the back, and he can only sleep when he's going through the car wash again and again.
11:50Right, yeah.
11:52I guess you're probably also wondering what I'm doing here at this car wash, all dressed up.
11:59Um, so I'll tell you.
12:00And what the thing is, is...
12:02Patel?
12:03Out of the way, lady!
12:05Emily?
12:06Hi.
12:07What are you doing here?
12:10Go, girl, go.
12:14Hey.
12:15There you are.
12:15I've been worried sick.
12:17You haven't been answering my calls.
12:19Wait, what?
12:20Why does your office have a sex swing?
12:21Oh, no, it's for dogs.
12:23Not to, like, have sex, but, um, it's good for my back pain.
12:26Oh, man, it's gotten worse, hasn't it?
12:28No, it's good.
12:29I'm working.
12:30I'm doing paperwork and stuff.
12:31I'm going to leave that till tomorrow.
12:32Let me take you home, run you a little bath, put on one of those reality shows you like
12:36where everyone's rich, but everyone's also classless.
12:39That's so sweet, but I don't need your help.
12:42I'm good.
12:42This swing is all the support I have my back needs.
12:45Are you sure?
12:45Yeah.
12:46There's something about leaving you dangling here that seems very uncool.
12:49Well, how about this?
12:50When I get back on my feet, I'll call you.
12:54Okay.
12:55Yeah, that sounds good.
12:56Hang in there.
12:57Yeah.
12:58And hang on there.
13:02Oh, man.
13:07All right.
13:08Thank you, sir.
13:10You know what?
13:11The person who stood you up tonight doesn't know what they're missing.
13:15You are going to be a great catch when you grow up.
13:18I think I'm, like, four years younger than you.
13:19Oh, no.
13:20Don't make me do math.
13:21I'm sangria stupid right now.
13:22Yeah, I had to stop you from tipping $1,200.
13:24Oh, thank you so much for filling in for my kid tonight.
13:29You know, you kind of remind me of him, except you're shorter and whiter.
13:33Oh, you know how people have work husbands?
13:37You're going to be my work son.
13:38I feel like in high school you would have been a senior when I was a freshman.
13:41Don't talk back to me.
13:42Have a good night.
13:43I'll see you tomorrow, kiddo.
13:44Yes, ma'am.
13:45It's cold out.
13:46Put a coat on.
13:48Hey, Daisy's gone.
13:50Come back so we can start our date.
13:51It's too late now.
13:52I had a run-in with Patel, and now I'm currently babysitting two-sixths of his family, so...
13:59Okay, so what do we do?
14:00Oh, I don't know.
14:01Maybe go back in time and not let Daisy steal our first date.
14:07Are you mad at me?
14:08No.
14:09I mean, a little.
14:11Why?
14:12I was just being nice.
14:13Yeah, yeah.
14:13I know.
14:14Maybe you were just being, like, a little too nice.
14:16Okay, well, to be fair, we'd be on the date right now, but you had to go and clean my car.
14:21Okay, it sounds like now you're mad at me.
14:24Don't you think it's a little weird?
14:25I think it's weird to pick me up for a first date in a car that has three half-eaten soft pretzels in the backseat, but...
14:31I get full too fast, and I think it's a little weird that you're always cleaning stuff.
14:35It's, like, a little obsessive.
14:37Obsessive?
14:37Well, I'm so sorry that I wanted tonight to be perfect.
14:42Maya, it's your turn.
14:43Ah, stop, stop.
14:45Okay, I gotta go.
14:46Hey, thanks for a great first date.
14:48What?
14:48Is that sarcastic?
14:49I can't tell when you're whispering.
14:50I gotta go.
14:51You still have my car.
14:52Oh, you're still in that thing.
14:59Another mystery solved by Detective Frank Shaw.
15:02I've actually been here all night.
15:04Parker wanted to, like, help take me home and stuff, but I don't know, they just felt weird.
15:09Yeah, you're just hanging out.
15:10Oh, that was close to a pun.
15:12Oh, God.
15:12What if we're not just hanging out?
15:13I'm sorry.
15:17Do you need me to continue to fake interest in this?
15:19No, we're good.
15:20We're really good.
15:20Um, how's the investigation going?
15:22I quit.
15:23Should have never helped him at all.
15:24His career's on the line.
15:26He's old.
15:27He doesn't have other career options.
15:29He can relate, right?
15:30Even if I wanted to help that boomer, which, as a millennial, doesn't feel right, the only
15:35person that even claimed to have seen the dog was a five-year-old who was rattling on
15:39about dragons.
15:40Ugh, I hate kids.
15:43Doggy eat dragon.
15:44Wait here.
15:45Oh, I, yeah, I don't have a choice.
15:47We found a saliva-covered bell on the sidewalk.
15:49I wonder.
15:51It's a match.
15:52Wait, what, Tammy?
15:53I placed the dog at the scene.
15:54Oh.
15:55Damn it.
15:56Guess I'm back in.
15:58Do you need a ride?
15:58I don't need help.
15:59I'm good.
16:01Stoic, emotionally closed off.
16:02Don't ever change.
16:09We're off.
16:10We're off.
16:11The races.
16:12And there we go.
16:13Victoria, are you okay?
16:15Is that bird seed in your hair?
16:17Um, yeah.
16:18Midnight snack.
16:18Did you sleep here last night?
16:20I couldn't leave.
16:21Papa wanted to take care of me.
16:22It was feeling like an in sickness and in health type situation.
16:25Okay.
16:25I would love some breathe.
16:26Let's not use the mop to do that.
16:28Let's just, I'll get it for you.
16:29Yeah.
16:30You know, I don't think he's trying to act like you're married.
16:34I think he probably just cares about you.
16:36Yeah, well, it's a slippery slope, like my dining room table.
16:39Okay, I know you're in debilitating pain right now, but I'm just going to say it.
16:42You're acting really weird about this.
16:44Oh my God, you're right.
16:46It's okay.
16:46You just freaked out a little and you made it into a bigger deal than it actually is.
16:50I do that all the time.
16:52It is kind of your move, isn't it?
16:54Yeah.
16:56Yeah, it kind of is.
16:58Emily.
17:01Okay.
17:01Is there a bird up there?
17:03There is not.
17:04Not a bird.
17:04All right, let's get started.
17:11Officer Dutch, are you ready to begin?
17:14Actually, no.
17:14My counsel saw fit to abandon me, so I'd like a stay of execution, please.
17:18No need.
17:20If it pleases the court, my name is Frank Shaw.
17:23I'm a millennial, and I'm here to represent Officer Dutch.
17:27This case is based on a set of facts that are indisputable.
17:32Fact number one.
17:33One week ago, Marlena Enriquez reported her pet Yorkie missing on a neighborhood app
17:38typically used to sell deteriorating wicker furniture.
17:41Oh yeah, you can actually get some great deals on there.
17:43Fact number two.
17:44Four days later, Officer Dutch received a call alerting him to a loose Yorkie in the Madison
17:49Valley neighborhood.
17:50Dispatch to truck four.
17:51We have a loose dog in the Madison Valley neighborhood.
17:54On my way.
17:54Favorite strip club is over there.
17:56Fact number three.
17:58A very reliable eyewitness confirmed the dog was seen gnawing on a chew toy of this exact
18:04design.
18:05Doggy 8 Dragon.
18:07Now while this specific unit was sourced at the precinct, this bell found at the scene
18:13is an exact match down to serial number and pitch.
18:20I know what you're thinking.
18:22What a breakthrough.
18:23Incredible detective work.
18:24Amazing hairline.
18:25But the question remains.
18:28Was Templeton being reasonable in assuming a man could effectively conceal a dog in his
18:34pants?
18:34And to that question, I give you fact number four.
18:38Tread.
18:49The defense rests.
18:53Have us a moment to confer.
18:55All right.
18:59Templeton Dutch, you are cleared of all wrongdoing.
19:06Deal's a deal, Frank.
19:08I'm going to whip those votes for you.
19:09I'm going to whip them until they're begging for more.
19:12Why is everything always so sexual with you?
19:14Ah, I thought we could use a do-over.
19:25I mean, if you still want to.
19:28Yeah, of course.
19:29Are you kidding?
19:30Really?
19:30Look at this.
19:31And I did zero sweeping or tidying of the shelves.
19:35I'm so sorry.
19:36I'm such a neat freak.
19:37I should have left your car alone.
19:39No, my car was filthy.
19:41And I'm sorry I spent our night with Daisy.
19:43No, you were just being nice.
19:44It was so sweet.
19:45And I totally overreacted.
19:48I don't know.
19:48I wanted it to be special.
19:50Well, we did have our first official fight.
19:52So that's kind of something.
19:54Oh, that's true.
19:55We did.
19:56Maybe the first of many.
19:58I don't know about many.
19:59Yeah, that's a weird thing to say.
20:01Okay.
20:05Hey, I've been getting your texts on my phone.
20:08Thank you for coming to get me.
20:10Fear of warning.
20:11I smell.
20:12You could never smell to me.
20:14Whoa, yeah.
20:15I'm getting a little bit now.
20:16I know that I've been a bit of a weirdo about not letting you help me.
20:19I get it.
20:20We've only been hanging out for a little bit.
20:21I just hate to see you in pain like this.
20:24That's really lovely.
20:26I think I need to go now.
20:28Allow me.
20:29Clear path, everybody.
20:31I have a strong, independent lady who needs a man to take her home.
20:35Cool.
20:37Cool.
20:38That's so funny.
20:39Thank you very much.
20:44Hey!
20:45Oh, it's too much, you guys.
20:46Please.
20:47I don't like to bow.
20:48Okay, I will bow.
20:50Here you go.
20:51It's not for you, buddy.
20:52It's too late.
20:53Already bowing.
20:58Well, they wanted to get me, and they did.
21:00The commission censured me for pocketing adoption fees, which I didn't do, of course.
21:05But it doesn't matter.
21:06They're sending me to the probation room.
21:08Oh, honey, you've got to stay strong right now.
21:10I'm not built for our time, Dee.
21:11I know.
21:12And don't even think about touching my desk.
21:13Wouldn't dream of it.
21:14Hello, old friend.
21:28Hey, you got the stain out.
21:29Oh, and by the way, thank you for cooking the adoption books.
21:33Frank, seriously?
21:34I said no interns.
21:36It's cool.
21:36Just go wait in the car.
21:37I'll text you my lunch order.
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