- 17 hours ago
First broadcast 8th February 1984.
A group of gypsies are suspected of intimidating a car-dealer friend of Arthur's.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
June Whitfield - Mrs. Murdoch
Jimmy Nail - Nathan Loveridge
Patrick Malahide - Chisholm
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Antony Scott - Wally (as Harry Scott)
James Faulkner - Apsimon
Colin Jeavons - Fribbins
Christopher Benjamin - Mr. Rushmer
Artro Morris - De Ath
Ray Winstone - Arnie
Martin Carroll - Nelson (as Martin Anthony)
Gabriel Kern - Harry
Chloe Salaman - Ellen
Del Baker - Ikey
Jeff Stewart - Mick (as Jeffrey Stewart)
John Altman - Cabbie
Eddie Caswell - Landlord
Maxwell Craig - Winchester Club Patron
A group of gypsies are suspected of intimidating a car-dealer friend of Arthur's.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
June Whitfield - Mrs. Murdoch
Jimmy Nail - Nathan Loveridge
Patrick Malahide - Chisholm
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Antony Scott - Wally (as Harry Scott)
James Faulkner - Apsimon
Colin Jeavons - Fribbins
Christopher Benjamin - Mr. Rushmer
Artro Morris - De Ath
Ray Winstone - Arnie
Martin Carroll - Nelson (as Martin Anthony)
Gabriel Kern - Harry
Chloe Salaman - Ellen
Del Baker - Ikey
Jeff Stewart - Mick (as Jeffrey Stewart)
John Altman - Cabbie
Eddie Caswell - Landlord
Maxwell Craig - Winchester Club Patron
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00All right, then, what's the damage?
00:06320.
00:07320?
00:09Oh, no.
00:11You lot must be falling off your wallets.
00:15We'll keep all that.
00:16Contribution towards the upkeeper on the Bentley.
00:18Oh, oh, oh.
00:26Oh, my God.
00:29I've seen a healthier face on a pirate flag.
00:31Do you know what time I got into my feather this morning?
00:34Oh, grey.
00:355.28, precisely.
00:37It is an acquired taste.
00:38That little Easton gentleman that you stuck me into
00:40was a bleeding lunatic.
00:43Five foot two, he had to pull his socks down to have a jimmy.
00:45And there he was, giving an OB-diple to everything that moved.
00:48There you are, my son.
00:49Nectar.
00:51Seven clubs in nine hours, were you?
00:53He was so pissed we had to stop at the pillar box
00:55because he thought it was a mosque.
00:56I thought they didn't go in for fermented beverages.
00:59It was against their calling.
01:00Don't indulge.
01:01Do you know what a zombie is?
01:03Well, Arnie, he's been dead from the neck up for years.
01:07Brandy, dark rum and papaya juice.
01:10Oh, my God.
01:1116, he put away.
01:13I poured him into his hotel at half four.
01:15Sounds an eventful evening.
01:17Eventful, yeah.
01:18You said all he wanted was a quiet meal.
01:20As I understood it, that was the case.
01:22You knew he was a crank.
01:24No, Terry, no.
01:25Yes, Arthur, yes.
01:27You implying I mislead you?
01:30Well, no, you don't actually tell lies, no.
01:32I should think not.
01:33Just don't let the truth get the better of you.
01:37Hmm.
01:37What is this, tea or talcum powder?
01:40You know your trouble, Terence.
01:42You've got tainted taste buds.
01:44It's all that tea bag tannin.
01:45Plays havoc with your kidneys.
01:47Hey, listen to this.
01:47This is Wally West.
01:48Mr. Walter West, a London car dealer, who turned back the mileage recorders on five cars, was fined £1,100 by Marylebone magistrates.
01:59Mr. Arnold Selwyn, for the prosecution, said Mr. West tampered with the recorders, putting back the mileage by between 15,000 and 34,000 miles.
02:08The profit from the sale of the cars was in excess of £2,000, and the discrepancy on the recorders, 129,832 miles.
02:21Mr. West, aged 52.
02:24Yeah, it's turned that back and all, hasn't it?
02:26Yeah.
02:26Admitted the charges under the Trades Description Act, and was fined £200 on each count and £100 costs.
02:32Ah, poor old Wally.
02:34So he got a smack for clocking motors.
02:36Happens to the best, doesn't it?
02:37Do you remember that 3-8 Jag?
02:40That was a bona fide repair.
02:42It was about as bona fide as a two-quid note.
02:45You are in a wounding mood this morning, Terrence.
02:48You got any coffee?
02:50I mean, £1,100.
02:52That is draconian.
02:54That is what?
02:56Magistrates.
02:57We haven't seen the likes of that since Hitler gave up house painting.
03:01Got a customer.
03:02What?
03:03Do you know, Lord?
03:04He looks like I feel.
03:05I'm like, Lord, what is he?
03:07Good morning, Mr...
03:10Rashma.
03:11Rashma, Rashma, Rashma, Rashma, of course.
03:13What a day, eh?
03:14Ah, what a pity we can't bottle it.
03:16Still providing you with sterling service, I deduce?
03:19I've only had it two months.
03:20Nearly three, sir.
03:22I am cursed with total recall.
03:24Three months is Friday.
03:25So it's still under guarantee?
03:26The Arthur Daly Golden Handshake guarantee is as sound as our city institutions.
03:31Three months.
03:31Three clear calendar months it is.
03:33Do I, uh, do I detect a hint of inquiry appertaining to such?
03:38Mr. Daly, would you come with me, please?
03:40You know, selling you that vehicle caused me considerable domestic upheaval.
03:44Yes, her indoors, my good wife.
03:46She had her eye on it.
03:47She wanted it something terrible.
03:48I said to her, no, no, my dear.
03:50Mr. Rashma is a gentleman and he deserves a gentleman's conveyance.
03:53I must say, you have amazed me, Mr. Rashma.
03:56I would not have believed this could be presented in better nick than when it left here.
04:00The gleam, sir.
04:01The gleam.
04:01That puts a roll at the shame.
04:03I am impressed.
04:04Mr. Daly, would you mind looking here, please?
04:06Where?
04:07Here.
04:08Closely.
04:11Well?
04:12How extraordinary.
04:14Looks like some sort of flora.
04:16Grass, Mr. Daly.
04:18Grass.
04:19Growing grass.
04:21I trust this isn't some sort of hoax or gee-up or leg pull, is it, Mr. Rashma?
04:25I mean, I am noted for my sense of humour.
04:28Where is he?
04:29Who?
04:30Very good.
04:31Very good.
04:32Very convincing.
04:33What are you on about?
04:34Well, it's game for a laugh, isn't it?
04:36I don't know what...
04:37You know, when the geezer with insurance salesman's smile, leaps out, stuffs a microphone up your
04:41bugle and informs five million people what a lemon you are.
04:44There's grass growing out of my car, Mr. Daly.
04:48What a leaking sump.
04:49A dodgy clutch, even a rumble in the transmission.
04:51They are certainly encompassed by our agreement, but, uh, multicultural phenomenon.
04:56I don't know what I can do.
04:58Have you tried trimming it with nail scissors?
05:00I want this scene to.
05:02Look, I don't want to appear obstructive, Mr. Rashma, but in a strictly legal sense, this
05:07would appear to be of a very complex nature.
05:09Are you going to do something about this?
05:12Well...
05:12Or am I going to report it to the fair trading authorities?
05:14No, no, no, no, no, no.
05:15Do not let us be hasty.
05:17I'm sure we can come to some mutually compliant arrangement.
05:20Mr. Daly, my brother-in-law's a local magistrate.
05:23Oh, that is interesting.
05:25Only yesterday he fined a motor trade dealer over a thousand pounds for sharp practices.
05:29At, uh, Mary LeBone.
05:31You read about it?
05:32I did indeed.
05:33I was saying to my colleague, Mr. McCann, just a moment before you arrived, how imperative
05:38it is to maintain standards, weed out the riffraff, the cowboys.
05:41And the grass.
05:43And, uh, grass.
05:45Shall I leave the keys?
05:46Leave it?
05:47Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes, indeed.
05:48I'll have it dealt with by my specialist body shop, post-haste.
05:51When can I collect it?
05:52Shall we say a week?
05:53Tomorrow.
05:54Afternoon?
05:55Before lunch.
05:55Another satisfied customer.
06:04You look like a rat's just crawled up your trouser leg.
06:07I'll kill that bloody army.
06:10That was that rush job, Arthur, you remember?
06:12You said give it a quick blow-over.
06:14I'm sure I said no such thing.
06:15This was my car of the week.
06:17Tell.
06:18I wasn't around, mate.
06:20Well, I worked late.
06:22I've run out of filler and I gave you a belt and you said...
06:24Use a couple of handfuls of mud.
06:27Mud?
06:28So I did.
06:31Must have been some grass seed in it.
06:33I was speaking metaphorically.
06:35What's that mean, Arthur?
06:36It's a figure of speech.
06:38What's that?
06:40When he said mud, he didn't mean mud.
06:43Oh.
06:45I meant use something equally efficient as a filler.
06:49But I didn't have nothing, Arthur.
06:50That's why I'll build you.
06:51Look, just give it a spray, Arnie,
06:54and try and use a modicum of craftsmanship, will you?
06:56This gentleman is trouble.
06:58Hello, Arthur.
07:08Long time now.
07:11Wally, making a living?
07:26Scratching about a bit.
07:28Good.
07:28I was reading about you this morning.
07:29Dave, Dave, show a bit of tack, please.
07:32Them slag reporters.
07:33Today's news tomorrow is chip wrappers.
07:35Usual?
07:36Please, Arthur.
07:37Yeah, port and brownie, Dave.
07:38All right.
07:391,100 salts, Wally.
07:40Oh, that was a bit gruesome.
07:41That magistrate took that bang needle to me from me off.
07:44He was a right cannibal.
07:46I know.
07:46His brother-in-law.
07:47I put me hand up on all five.
07:49No point in giving them aggravation, wasting their timeline.
07:52I thought, top whack a monkey.
07:53Yeah.
07:53Maybe less if me brief gives them the old toffee.
07:56You know how sorry I was.
07:58No previous extenuating circumstances.
08:02Sat there like stone he did, cocking a deafen.
08:04I tell you, if he was an undertaker, people would stop dying.
08:08I'm being beat.
08:09Slated, Dave.
08:10The only time I saw him smile was when I asked for time to pay.
08:15Seven days, one poxy week.
08:18Well, have you got it?
08:19Not exactly as it happens.
08:21Well, what can a friend say?
08:25I mean, if I had it...
08:26Yeah, it'd be yours, wouldn't it?
08:27I ain't come here to put the hand on you, Arthur.
08:29No, no, my sympathies are with you 100%, Wally.
08:31But I was going to ask a favour.
08:33Well, in fact, a double favour.
08:36Oh, well.
08:36I'm into a good little earner.
08:38Oh, no, that's what I like to hear.
08:40It could give us both a nice little drink.
08:42Say no more, Wally.
08:46It's amazing the way the mention of money transforms him, innit?
08:51I don't think I've ever seen anyone look more furtive.
08:56You can't be too careful.
08:58You got that committed report?
08:59Not here.
09:00Talking of undertakers, I know one in the sticks that's got a 79 Daimler hearse and two princess limos in perfect nick, and he's given me first refusal.
09:17With respect, Wally, I mean, funeral vehicles are not exactly your car of the week on the forecourt, are they?
09:22Hold up, Arthur.
09:22I know what you're thinking, but I've also got a customer with her tongue hanging out.
09:26Her?
09:26A funeral director in Fulham, her vehicles were on there last night.
09:30I know.
09:30That is what I call creative coincidence.
09:33You put up the asking price, have them over to Mrs Murdoch, and we're into four grand clear profit.
09:38Down the middle, you get your investment back, plus 2k on top, I pay me fine with some wedge left over.
09:44It's like lifting pennies over dead man's eyes.
09:47Pardon my reticence, Wally, but this is a certainty, yeah?
09:51I mean, I could get stuffed.
09:53I mean, what's the use of a nurse and two widow's wagons to me if she turns funny?
09:56Well, start your own business.
09:58You look lovely in black.
10:00It's as certain as February flu.
10:02Would I steer you wrong, Arthur?
10:03Hold on, Wally, why don't you borrow the necessary and bag the four grand yourself?
10:07It'd all take too long.
10:09It had to be done right off before she finds out they're available at his price.
10:13Anyway, I need you, Arthur, to do the business, and that's part of the other favour.
10:18Well, I don't understand.
10:19Well, I've been having a bit of bother at the lot.
10:22Last week, someone broke in, stole all the logbooks and the keys.
10:25What a bleeding to do.
10:27I couldn't move a car in or out.
10:29And last night, it happened again.
10:31They air-sold a load of cars.
10:33Cool, that's a bit evil, innit?
10:34Do you know who?
10:35No idea.
10:36Or why.
10:37You haven't upset any of the chaps, have you?
10:39Nothing like that.
10:41Yeah, but where do I come in?
10:42Part of the deal would be you lend me Terry, free and for granted, for a few days,
10:47to mind a place for me, sort of be around, keep his eyes open, maybe stay over a couple
10:53of nights.
10:54Hold on, hold on.
10:54We'll have to talk about this.
10:56No, no, no, never mind.
10:57Let's talk about this.
10:58Get some drinks in.
10:59Go on.
11:00Go on.
11:00What's he like?
11:1350 plus, wife dead, one son.
11:16He's not an educated man, but he's no fool.
11:19You've met him?
11:20No, that's from asking around.
11:24Discreetly.
11:25Naturally.
11:27Naturally.
11:27You may mock me, Mr. Absimer, but let me tell you one thing.
11:34If I had your sort of money, I wouldn't need you.
11:49Hold up.
11:49Here comes Chewble Charlie.
11:54What's this then?
11:55A wake.
11:56Mr. Chisholm, what a pleasant surprise.
12:00Quite a write-up, Walter.
12:03Bastard reporters.
12:04Only doing their job.
12:06Informing the public of the less salubrious sides of society.
12:09Be fair, Mr. Chisholm, it was a bit strong.
12:121,100 sovs.
12:14It's amazing how certain figures stick in your mind, isn't it?
12:17The total discrepancy on the recorders was 129,832 miles.
12:23I could see your lips move.
12:25That works out.
12:25About a penny a clock mile.
12:28Inner scales adjusters, Walter.
12:30I reckon that's about right.
12:31That is a callous calculation, if I may say so, Mr. Chisholm.
12:35Callous, Arthur?
12:36First offence.
12:37No previous.
12:38Doesn't mean he hasn't been at it for, what, 30 years, Walter?
12:42I resent that.
12:43No doubt you do, but deny it.
12:46Look, is there anything you wanted specifically, Mr. Chisholm?
12:50Specifically?
12:50Now, there's a word.
12:52Yeah, well, I'm enlarging my vocabulary.
12:54One a week.
12:54Very commendable.
12:56Got a good one for you.
12:58Specifically?
12:59No.
13:00It was pure coincidence that brought me in here.
13:03When I saw you three gentlemen together,
13:05my highly developed sense of curiosity and suspicion got the better of me.
13:09We were consoling an old and valued friend.
13:12Doesn't look very consoled.
13:14He's had a traumatic experience.
13:19Well, I'll leave you three gentlemen to your commiserations.
13:23Shall I write it down for you?
13:24I'll make you an offer, ain't it, Gus?
13:31That's the price.
13:32You want it.
13:32That's what you pay for it.
13:34It ain't worth that.
13:35You're just punting me about.
13:37What about the van?
13:38Part exchange?
13:39That pile of rust, I couldn't give that away.
13:41You thieving old...
13:42Oi, oi, oi.
13:43You got a problem or what?
13:44Out.
13:45Off my premises.
13:46You had a man on your toes.
13:48Don't be so stupid, Sonny.
13:50On your bike.
13:50Hey, gypsies.
14:01Yeah.
14:02Where'd they come from?
14:04Down the road.
14:06Didn't know there was a sight round here.
14:07There isn't.
14:08At least not official.
14:10They're on private land.
14:11Get much trouble off them.
14:12Not me personal.
14:14It's the first time they've been over here.
14:16But the local people have been trying to get them shifted for months.
14:19Petitions, that sort of stuff.
14:21I wouldn't sign.
14:23Well, live and let live.
14:24That's my motto.
14:26It could have been them that did the old wasn't, couldn't it?
14:29Nah.
14:30Well, here's a thought.
14:32Why?
14:33They'd have to have a reason.
14:34Yeah.
14:42Death funeral directors.
14:50Bad as a fishmonger being called addict.
15:03Can't you read?
15:05Closed.
15:06C-L-O-S-E-D.
15:08Closed.
15:08Plain as the nose on your face.
15:10Oh, a big body.
15:11Hello?
15:12H-
15:13Osborne's in the High Street.
15:20They'll see to you.
15:21Mr. Death.
15:23Diath.
15:25Mr. Diath.
15:27Hello?
15:35These premises are permanently closed.
15:38My name is Arthur Daly.
15:40I'm a friend, or more a business acquaintance, than Mr. West.
15:44Who?
15:45Mr. Walter West.
15:47Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
15:50What can I do for you?
15:51Um, could I come in?
15:56Identification.
15:57Pardon?
15:58Have you got any identification?
16:00Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:02Um, right, there you go.
16:05Can't be too careful these days.
16:08Mr. West has gout.
16:11Gout?
16:11Very painful.
16:12An intemperate man, is he?
16:15He's asked me to represent him.
16:19I suppose you'd better come in, then.
16:21Hey, hey, hey, hey, wipe your feet.
16:26Cleanliness is next to godliness.
16:27Are you a Christian, Mr. Daly?
16:36C-C-Christian?
16:37Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely.
16:39Baptised?
16:40Oh, scream to church down.
16:42Then your soul will know salvation.
16:45Ah.
16:50So, Mr. Daly, it will be soon.
16:53Yeah.
16:55The second coming.
16:57All the signs say.
16:59Oh, that's very comforting to know.
17:03You've come about the vehicles.
17:05Yeah, yeah, that is correct.
17:07Fine vehicles.
17:09So I understand.
17:15There they are, my beauties.
17:19Black as the Bible,
17:21silent as an angel's fart.
17:25That's what Mr. Daly Sr. would say.
17:28Jew, you as an intemperate man.
17:33I'm retiring.
17:3549 years in the business.
17:3749 years?
17:39That is half a century
17:40in the service of the community, Mr. Daly.
17:42I'd like to think so.
17:43That is a vocation, a calling.
17:46I mean, bereavement,
17:47very dodgy thing to handle.
17:48New tyres?
17:50I haven't any family
17:51to leave the business to,
17:53so I thought I'd sell up
17:54and go home to the valleys.
17:56Oh, I envy you that.
17:58All that fresh air,
17:59Green Hills,
17:59and all that singing.
18:00Well, I'm quite satisfied, Mr. Daly.
18:02I have a check made out here
18:04for the right amount.
18:05Oh, no.
18:06No?
18:07No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
18:08But you did agree,
18:09I figure, with my colleague, Mr. West.
18:11You have to test drive
18:12the principal vehicle at least.
18:14Oh, no, no, no, no.
18:16No, that won't be necessary.
18:18I absolutely insist.
18:22Oh.
18:24It's all right.
18:24I think it's time you met Mr. West.
18:49I think you're right.
18:51After all,
18:52you have the perfect credentials.
18:56Gain his confidence.
18:58Well,
18:59show sincere concern
19:01at his, er...
19:02Predicament.
19:04Quite, sir.
19:05Quite, sir.
19:06He's a big'un.
19:27He does look a bit painful,
19:28doesn't he?
19:30Easy, Terry.
19:31Yeah?
19:32You the bloke that had Nelson,
19:34are you?
19:34Nah,
19:35no one ate anybody.
19:36He threw a punch and missed.
19:38Fighting, man?
19:40I'm better than Nelson, yeah.
19:41You start anything
19:42and I'll have the police over here
19:44right away.
19:45Oh, yeah, the muskler,
19:46that's always the way, isn't it?
19:47No, it's not the way with me.
19:50What?
19:50You want to fight me?
19:52I don't want to fight anyone.
19:54But if that's what you're here for...
19:56Son, I'd fight ten years, says.
19:58Then one shouldn't give you any bother, should it?
20:00Yeah, well, they come here causing trouble,
20:02now you.
20:03And I got enough trouble as it is.
20:05Maybe I should ring the police.
20:07Maybe this is down to your little lot.
20:09None of my family done that.
20:11I suppose none of your family broke in last week,
20:13nicked all the log books and keys either.
20:15No.
20:17Ever since you lot arrived,
20:18there's been nothing but trouble.
20:19Yeah, trouble for us.
20:20You can't leave us be, can you?
20:22All right, what have you come here for, eh?
20:24I come for the van.
20:25Well, it's not for Sal.
20:29It's there, isn't it?
20:31The money here?
20:33Where'd you get money like that from?
20:35Working hard, you know,
20:36laying tarmac.
20:38Well, it's still not for Sal.
20:41It isn't.
20:44I don't have to sell it to you?
20:46What's the matter?
20:46Is my money different from everybody else's or something?
20:49Hey, come on,
20:49what happened to all this live and let live stuff, eh?
20:51Yeah, well, that was before this little lot.
20:53Listen, I've told you.
20:54I know what you've told me.
20:57You've got to admit,
20:57it is a bit here for you being so close and all.
20:59Too bloody right.
21:00Listen, if he'd have thought it was us,
21:02he would have had the police round.
21:03Anything happens round here
21:04and they're at our door straight away.
21:06He's got a point, Mo.
21:06Well, it's just,
21:09I don't want nothing to do with them.
21:10I'm not a vindictive man.
21:12It's just,
21:13well, local feeling.
21:17Sorry, pal.
21:18Listen, you seem like a fair bloke.
21:19Yeah, well, I'm not local, am I?
21:21Well, come with me then.
21:22Eh?
21:23I'll show you it wasn't down to us.
21:26You stay here, Terry.
21:28What's the matter? Are you frightened?
21:31No, no, I'm not frightened.
21:32Well, come on.
21:36The last place we were,
21:45I bought a car, you know,
21:47just to break open and use for spares.
21:48Drove it back to the site
21:49and there they were.
21:52Thirteen offences.
21:53Tax, insurance, brakes, lights, steering, tyres.
21:56Threw the lot at me, you know.
21:58So I had to move on.
21:59Never followed up the charges,
22:01never meant to.
22:02Just wanted us gone.
22:03Yeah, but they've got legal sites now,
22:04haven't they?
22:05I mean, don't the local authorities
22:06have to provide them?
22:08Stupid site wardens,
22:09regular rent collections
22:11and nosy welfare people.
22:13I mean, they're no good
22:13to real travellers, you know.
22:14It pins you down.
22:16I mean, what are wheels for
22:17if not to keep on turning?
22:19They've closed down
22:19all our old stopping places.
22:21Nelson, Harry,
22:48come here a minute.
22:48Jimboi, come here.
22:54This follows from that car place
22:56down the road.
22:58Yeah, last night
22:58it was broken into
23:00and a load of cars
23:01were vandalised with paint.
23:04And last week
23:05all the log books
23:06and car keys were nipped.
23:08He says it was us.
23:10Well, was it?
23:11No.
23:12Harry,
23:13we ain't been at that place
23:14before today.
23:16Jimboi,
23:16you know anything about this?
23:17No, nothing about this.
23:19Any of you?
23:21Any of you lying to me?
23:22Because I'll find out
23:23and you know what'll happen.
23:24All we wanted
23:25was the van
23:26for calling.
23:28Yeah, all right.
23:29Fair enough.
23:36I can tell when they're lying.
23:38Yeah, I believe you.
23:39Here, come here.
23:41I want to show you something.
23:43That's all right, Alan.
23:49Yeah, people say that we're dirty.
23:53Oh, that's lovely, isn't it?
23:55Sit down.
23:56Why don't you?
23:57Yes.
23:58Hello.
23:59Well, we're not dirty.
24:01They are.
24:02Them houses look all right
24:03from the outside,
24:04but inside,
24:05well, you've only got a smell.
24:07And the matchkas.
24:09Matchkas?
24:11Cards.
24:11Oh, caps.
24:12Jump up on furniture,
24:14shelves,
24:15go near food and crockery,
24:17lick their pores
24:18after burying their dirt.
24:20Unclean.
24:22Worse than rats.
24:24Would you like a cup of tea?
24:25Yeah, that'd be lovely, yeah.
24:26Please.
24:42Where's Wally?
24:44Oh, it's taking one of the motors
24:45down for a race break.
24:47Oh, vandals.
24:48Disgraceful.
24:49I know who done it.
24:50What?
24:51Yeah, I passed them on away.
24:52Bunch of diddycoys
24:53parked up the road.
24:54They're travellers.
24:56What?
24:57They're not diddycoys,
24:58they're travellers.
24:59Pikies, diddies, travellers,
25:01gyppers,
25:01call them what you like.
25:03Infestation,
25:03that's what they are.
25:04Criminal race.
25:05If it's not nailed down,
25:06it's theirs.
25:06They do talk a load
25:07of old coblers sometimes,
25:08you know that.
25:09Oh, pardon?
25:10I happened to be there
25:11this morning.
25:12This isn't down to them.
25:14You believe that?
25:15Yeah.
25:16If they told you the truth,
25:17their teeth would fall out.
25:19How many do you know?
25:20That is not the point.
25:21That's exactly the point.
25:22Look, you don't have to have measles
25:23to know you can get spots.
25:24Who what?
25:25That's an allergy.
25:26Well, figure a speech, you mate.
25:28Yeah.
25:28Er, er,
25:30is Mr West available?
25:32No, no,
25:33he'll be back in about an hour.
25:34Ah.
25:34Oh, er,
25:36Fribbins,
25:37local counsel.
25:39I, er,
25:40I heard he's been having some trouble.
25:43Yeah, yeah,
25:44we're just discussing it.
25:45A little contratom
25:46over the gypsos.
25:47Yes,
25:47that's why I'm here.
25:48Mr West hasn't reported
25:50this unfortunate incident
25:51to the police.
25:52I was wondering,
25:54are they, er,
25:55harassing him,
25:56the gypses?
25:57No.
25:58No.
25:58I thought he might want
25:59to make an official complaint.
26:02How'd he do that?
26:02I haven't done anything.
26:04You're quite obviously
26:05not from this area,
26:06Mr...
26:07McCann.
26:08I have a file on the gypsies
26:10that makes very interesting reading.
26:12Yeah,
26:12I'll bet you do.
26:13I intend to have them evicted
26:15and I have overwhelming
26:16local support.
26:17Now, you can't argue
26:18with that, Terry.
26:19Oh, yes, I can.
26:20You haven't got them
26:21living on your doorstep.
26:22Quite so, quite so.
26:23Oh, and Benny,
26:24they've got to live somewhere.
26:25Yes, on proper sites,
26:26properly maintained,
26:27properly supervised.
26:29By people like you?
26:30We do have an official
26:32gypsy site.
26:32They refuse to go there.
26:34And do you know why?
26:35Discipline.
26:37Discipline?
26:38Cool deal.
26:39All you need is a pair
26:40of boots and a whip.
26:40Terry!
26:41We all have to live
26:42within the law.
26:44Yeah, but your sort
26:45can make the law
26:45mean anything you want it to.
26:47Will you inform Mr. West
26:49that I call?
26:50No.
26:52Oh.
26:53I see.
26:54No, you don't see.
26:56You don't see
26:57because you don't listen.
26:58And you don't listen
26:58in case you hear something
26:59that just might be the truth.
27:04Poisonous little prat.
27:05Terry!
27:06Can't talk like that
27:07to a governmental official.
27:08They give me the tom tits,
27:09those sort of people.
27:10Terry,
27:10this is not our business.
27:11Do not get mixed up in it.
27:12That is bloody typical
27:13of you, isn't it?
27:24Hey.
27:32Bloody generals.
27:33The older man is Arthur Daly,
27:44car dealer, bit of a spiv.
27:48The younger one,
27:49Terence McCann,
27:50is hired out by Daly
27:51as a minder.
27:53Used to be a boxer.
27:54Has a record.
27:55Mr. West has got himself
28:03some assistance.
28:07I'm afraid this calls
28:08for something a little bit special.
28:10What do you mean, special?
28:13I'm sure we can think of something.
28:16Look, I don't want any part of...
28:17You want out?
28:19No, I didn't mean...
28:19You're out!
28:21No, it's just...
28:22Just shut your mouth
28:23and do as you're told.
28:27I'll go, Charlie.
28:28I'm keeping the score.
28:28Good evening, Arthur.
28:33Cool.
28:34You look as though
28:35you had eight score drawers up
28:36and forgot to post a coupon.
28:37Terry.
28:39You two had words.
28:40A sharp tongue, young Terry.
28:42Oh, dear, oh, dear.
28:43Do you know what he had
28:44the affrontery to say to me?
28:46That all I care about
28:47is the wedge in my wallet.
28:49Another one of your
28:50philosophical discussions, eh?
28:52He called me a biggan.
28:54Me?
28:54Well, you do have strong views, Arthur,
28:57about certain social issues.
28:59As do all thinking men.
29:01And women.
29:02Well, that's one of them for his start.
29:03What?
29:04Women.
29:04Well, you do go on a bit
29:05about them getting the vote
29:06and all that.
29:07He's a current talking point, Dave.
29:09As is nuclear disarmament,
29:11lead in petrol,
29:12unemployment,
29:13economic recovery,
29:14human rights.
29:15Yeah, I suppose that's about a lot.
29:17Yeah, oh, no, no.
29:17You forgot VAT,
29:19common market
29:20and violence on television.
29:22I am a man tuned in
29:23to his times.
29:25Well, no offence, Arthur,
29:26but some of your tunes
29:27are a bit offed.
29:29It's a sorry state of affairs
29:30if a man cannot articulate
29:31his view on life
29:32without getting slagged off.
29:34Well, what was the trouble
29:34this time?
29:35Chippos.
29:36Chippos?
29:36Yeah, he's got him
29:37with a pack of pike
29:38he's over near Wallis.
29:39Jerry has.
29:40Yeah, he won't have
29:40a word said against him.
29:42You know, when I was a nipper,
29:44I lived on a farm for a while.
29:45Yeah, we had a gypsy family
29:47living nearby
29:47that worked on a farm
29:48and I used to play
29:49with their kids.
29:50I like them.
29:51Yeah, I remember
29:52the old man took me
29:53to the Appleby Horse Fair.
29:55Bleeding horse
29:56trot on me foot.
29:57Yeah, but they were
29:57your genuine gypsies, Dave.
30:00You know,
30:00Lattie White Ever
30:01and clothes pegs
30:01and all that.
30:02Not like this lot.
30:04Well, I take as I find, Arthur.
30:07Hi there, Wally.
30:08Hello, Dave.
30:08Usual.
30:09All set, Wally.
30:10Where are the vehicles?
30:12Over at my place.
30:13We'll get them over
30:13at Mrs Murdoch's in the morning.
30:15Handsome.
30:15Where's Terry?
30:16Oh, he's kipping
30:16at the lot tonight.
30:17He's wasting his time.
30:19I'm telling you.
30:20It's them gyphos.
30:21It's them gyphos.
30:51Take it easy, son.
31:16One careful owner.
31:46My goodness me.
31:48The bold Terence McCann.
31:50Correct.
31:51You're well out of your manner.
31:54Could it be indelicate
31:55to inquire
31:55how you receive
31:56that facial discoloration?
31:58I was assaulted by a fat lady
32:01with a crocodile handbag.
32:02You are a wag.
32:11Yesterday, quite by coincidence,
32:13I observed three very slippery gentlemen
32:16locked in a highly dubious meet.
32:17earlier this morning.
32:19Earlier this morning,
32:21again, quite by coincidence,
32:23I read a report
32:24of a mysterious fire
32:26in a car lot.
32:27The business premises
32:28are one of my three dodgy faces.
32:30And?
32:30and included in that report
32:33your good self
32:34pulled from the flames
32:36by a uniformed constable.
32:38Spontaneous combustion?
32:46You read the report.
32:46That load of old fanny.
32:48The facts as stated.
32:50Facts.
32:50Fact number one.
32:53You are here.
32:55Question number one.
32:56Why?
32:57Answer number one.
32:59You are what is
33:00colloquially termed
33:01a minder.
33:02Therefore,
33:03quaderat demonstrandum,
33:04you are minding
33:05the business premises
33:06of Mr Walter West.
33:08Ergo,
33:09your very presence suggests
33:11that Mr West's business premises
33:12are in some jeopardy.
33:13You receiving me?
33:15It was an accident.
33:20Who is putting the frighteners
33:23on Wally West?
33:24I can't tell you anything
33:26because I don't know anything.
33:26Look,
33:27whoever did this
33:27is not poncing about.
33:29Whoever did this
33:29is a very wicked person.
33:31And when I get my hand
33:32No, you will not.
33:34What you will do
33:35is you will inform me.
33:37And if I hear anything
33:38to the contrary,
33:39we will continue
33:40this little tete-a-tete
33:41back at the nick
33:42till I make myself crystal.
33:50How about that then, Arthur?
34:13Smooth as a baby's bum.
34:14Perfect colour match.
34:15Call it 30 quid, eh?
34:17That is a joke, isn't it?
34:18I mean,
34:18that is an attempt at humour.
34:19How about all yesterday on that?
34:21You think yourself lucky, my son.
34:22I'm not charging you.
34:24What for?
34:24Professional embarrassment.
34:2720 quid.
34:2910.
34:29If you'll throw in
34:30a little service.
34:31What?
34:32Help me get these motors
34:33over to Fulham.
34:34Well, in funeral cars.
34:35That's right.
34:37There's three of them, Arthur.
34:38I know there's three of them, Arnie.
34:40I can count.
34:40One, two, three.
34:41That hairy thing
34:42that works for you sometimes.
34:44Bernard?
34:45He lives local, doesn't he?
34:46Just round the corner.
34:47Use my phone.
34:48Shake him out of his pit.
34:49Oh, he's a very heavy sleeper, Arthur.
34:5115, and that's my final offer.
34:53Had to do nicely.
34:56Nah, I told the old bill
34:57not to phone you.
34:58I mean, it's bad enough
34:58without losing a night's sleep, isn't it?
35:00You're a good boy, Terry.
35:03Who?
35:04Who's doing this to me?
35:06Why?
35:06That's what Chisholm wants to know.
35:08Chisholm?
35:09Chisholm was here?
35:10Early on, yeah.
35:11Been very busy.
35:12What did you tell him?
35:13Well, next to nothing,
35:14but he's not a wally, is he?
35:15No, sorry.
35:17Nah, you know,
35:17Chisholm wants to get his nose up, yeah?
35:20Look at it.
35:211,500 quid.
35:23I nearly had the bastard and all.
35:25You OK, Sam?
35:27This, I, yeah.
35:28Get worse than this
35:29when the heavy bag hits me back.
35:30Have a look.
35:38What is he want?
35:40What, sir?
35:41I heard the explosion last night.
35:44Quite a mess.
35:45What do you want?
35:47I'd come to help,
35:48if that's all right.
35:49How?
35:51There was a car
35:51that went past our place
35:52a couple of minutes after.
35:54A white Camaro
35:54with a primer on the door.
35:56Did you see the driver?
35:58No, too dark.
35:59Had his foot down,
36:00but I've seen that car recently.
36:03But where?
36:04Bloody where?
36:05Recently.
36:06Past week.
36:08That was a bar.
36:10You sure?
36:11Parked outside.
36:12Which one?
36:13Old Parr's Head.
36:14Ooh, that's a rough house.
36:16Yeah, there was a little team in there
36:17who fancied themselves a bit.
36:18Could have been one of them.
36:19Villains?
36:20Nah, working clothes.
36:22Covered in shit.
36:22Looked like road men.
36:29Hey, you won't get anything
36:36out of him if he sees you're with me.
36:39All right.
36:47Excuse me, John.
36:49Listen, I'm looking for a geezer
36:50and drinks here.
36:52It drives a big old
36:53beaten up American motor.
36:54Oh, yeah.
36:55Yeah.
36:56Yeah.
36:59He's got a job for me.
37:01Do you know where I can find him?
37:04I might.
37:05Well, it'd be handy, wouldn't it?
37:06I might not.
37:08I need that job.
37:10Like to work, dear.
37:12Well done, everyone, these days.
37:14Tidy these up, then.
37:16And it may jog me memory.
37:19All right.
37:20All right.
37:20They are in mint condition,
37:37Mrs. Murdoch,
37:38and they drive like silk.
37:43Is that rust?
37:46No.
37:47Bird.
37:48Mere blemish of nature.
37:50Oh, and the interiors
37:55are undeniably immaculate.
38:05Very comfortable.
38:15At the price agreed,
38:17they are a steal.
38:18With the price mentioned,
38:20not agreed, Mr. Daly.
38:22Well, we couldn't let them go
38:23for a penny less.
38:25Mr. Daly,
38:25you are selling,
38:27I am buying.
38:28That suggests
38:29all kinds of possibilities.
38:33Arthur
38:33Daly.
38:36L-E-Y.
38:37L-E-Y.
38:38You don't have to rush off,
38:53do you, Arthur?
38:54Well, no,
38:55not exactly rush off,
38:56but I do have a pressing engagement shortly.
38:59I think this calls for a celebration.
39:06Oh, you haven't signed a check.
39:10Uncanny.
39:11Oh, thank you.
39:12If you could just sign...
39:14You could be.
39:15My poor Benny's standing there.
39:17God rest his soul.
39:18Your late husband?
39:19Same height.
39:23Same build.
39:25Features.
39:26Voice.
39:28When I first saw you,
39:29I couldn't believe it.
39:31My heart went all funny.
39:33May I offer my condolences,
39:36albeit somewhat a bit late?
39:38Being a widow,
39:43recently bereaved,
39:45can be very lonely.
39:57If you could just sign.
40:00I'm sure you understand,
40:02Arthur.
40:03Well, perhaps if you
40:04took up a hobby,
40:05bowls.
40:20Oi, tea bag.
40:25You want something, mister?
40:27Yeah, that white motor.
40:29Yeah, what about it?
40:30Whose is it?
40:31Well, who wants to know?
40:32I do.
40:34Hey, get on your bike.
40:35Do you want your eyes
40:36parted, pal?
40:38Hey, Ricky.
40:40What?
40:41There's a fella here
40:42being busy about your motor.
40:49Busy now.
40:50Aye.
40:52Are you the slag
40:53who broke into the lot
40:54the other night?
40:55What are you talking about?
40:56Give me this, aye.
40:57Want some more?
40:58Is that the one, Terry?
40:59That's the one.
41:00Come on.
41:00Come on.
41:01Come on.
41:01Come on.
41:01Come on.
41:02Come on.
41:02Come on.
41:02Come on.
41:02Come on.
41:02Come on.
41:02Come on.
41:03Come on.
41:03Come on.
41:03Come on.
41:04Come on.
41:04Come on.
41:05Come on.
41:05Come on.
41:05Come on.
41:35Come on.
41:36Come on.
41:37Come on.
41:38Come on.
41:39Come on.
41:40Come on.
41:44Hello, Mr. Pribbins.
41:45Mr. McCann.
41:46There was another incident at Mr. West's premises last night.
41:51Quite frankly, Mr. McCann, I am not surprised.
41:54I did try to warn you.
41:55I did try to warn you.
41:57One of his cars was set on fire.
41:59That's very serious.
42:01How serious?
42:03Criminal damage.
42:04Prisonable offence.
42:05Is it?
42:06It certainly is.
42:07It certainly is.
42:08So it should be reported officially.
42:09It's the most serious incident yet.
42:12Will it go in the file?
42:14A file?
42:15A file on the gypsies.
42:17It will head the file, Mr. McCann.
42:20I can assure you of that.
42:22The police must be informed about this.
42:25Nathan.
42:26You forgot the number or something?
42:27I'm sorry, Mr. Fribbins.
42:28You were phoning the police.
42:29Asked for a Detective Sergeant Chisholm.
42:30He's very interested in that fire.
42:31What's the meaning of this?
42:32I don't know yet.
42:33But you're going to tell me.
42:34Get out of my office.
42:35No.
42:36Not between...
42:37Tell me why you've had this lump.
42:38Vandalise Mr. West's premises on three separate occasions.
42:39Just to get rid of us.
42:40Nah, there's got to be more to it than that, Nathan.
42:41Ain't there?
42:42Ain't there, Mr. Quite's soul?
42:43What?
42:44What's the meaning of this?
42:45You were phoning the police.
42:46You were phoning the police.
42:47Asked for a Detective Sergeant Chisholm.
42:48He's very interested in that fire.
42:49What's the meaning of this?
42:50I don't know yet.
42:51But you're going to tell me.
42:52Get out of my office.
42:53No.
42:54Not until you've told me why you've had this lump.
42:56Vandalise Mr. West's premises on three separate occasions.
42:59Just to get rid of us.
43:00Nah, there's got to be more to it than that, Nathan.
43:03Ain't there?
43:04Ain't there, Mr. Quite's soul?
43:08You can't prove a thing.
43:11I don't need to.
43:14Because you are going to write it all down and you are going to sign it.
43:25Mr. Apsilmon?
43:26Who the hell are you?
43:28Mr. Arthur Daly and Mr. Walter West.
43:32What do you want?
43:33A little of your invaluable time to discuss a bit of reciprocal business.
43:37Get out.
43:38Oh, by the way, Mr. Fribbins sends his best regards.
43:41Fribbins?
43:42Your bent counsellor.
43:44This is very nice.
43:45Must have cost a bob or two.
43:48Can I offer you gentlemen a drink?
43:50No, no, no, no.
43:51No, thank you.
43:52I'm very particular about who I drink with.
43:54You shyster.
43:56Correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand you have an ongoing interest in Mr. West's property.
44:01Mr. Fribbins was most explicit.
44:06Apparently, you purchased, in a somewhat Machiavellian manner,
44:10border land and derelict properties adjacent to Mr. West's premises.
44:15I do have certain interests, yes.
44:17Certain interests?
44:18With respect, that is a slight understatement.
44:21You got planned for a bloody great industrial complex.
44:24All you need is my place.
44:26All that aggravation.
44:27What was that supposed to do?
44:29Soften me up, then you come over sharp as a shithouse rat and offer me half what it's worth.
44:34And the poor old gypsies get to poke and all.
44:37But it's two birds with one stone.
44:38Very creative.
44:39You should be in politics.
44:41Look.
44:42I'm sure we can come to some civilised arrangement.
44:49That is why we are here.
44:51To tell you that Mr. West's property is definitely on the market.
44:55Really?
44:56At what price?
44:58At the right price.
45:01Which is both generous and unnegotiable.
45:04And if that price is not forthcoming, both your good self and Mr. Fribbins will be grassed on the local authority.
45:11Well, it's our duty, isn't it?
45:14Well, there we go, gents.
45:16Good health.
45:17Cheers.
45:18Cheers.
45:19Well, here's to a comfortable retirement.
45:21Oh, Wally, by the way.
45:23Here's your half of that nice little owner.
45:25Oh, thanks, Arthur.
45:27By the way, that Tilly Murdoch, quite a girl, eh?
45:32You might have warned me, Wally.
45:34Oi.
45:35Oi, what's all that about?
45:36Nothing, nothing.
45:37Just a little bit of professional badinage, that's all.
45:39After your little cherry, was she?
45:41No, no, she was not.
45:43Nathan, you'll be all right now, now that dog Fribbins is otherwise engaged.
45:46No, no, we're moving on.
45:48You know, I don't like to be in one place for too long.
45:50And we've had a visit from the Inland Revenue.
45:52Oh, say no more, my son.
45:53Those bureaucratic buzzers, they have the last morsel of flesh.
45:55Don't worry about this bird.
45:56Never mind this bird.
45:57You tell me about it.
45:58We didn't answer.
45:59Oh.
46:00Oh, you little rascal.
46:01Oh, this is Terry.
46:03Yeah, that's Wally.
46:04That's you.
46:05Have you met Nathan?
46:06No.
46:07This is a fuzz.
46:08Oh, my God.
46:09All smiles now, are we?
46:13You've had another fire.
46:15Oh, I fell over.
46:17Of course you did.
46:18How fortuitous.
46:20You two arriving simultaneously at the same time, as it were.
46:24This is Detective Sergeant Chisholm.
46:26Words cannot describe him.
46:27This is very, very true.
46:29Oh, isn't he tall?
46:31Huge.
46:32It's huge.
46:33Mrs Murdock, Tilly to her friends, of whom you no doubt will be one forthwith.
46:36No doubt.
46:37What sign are you?
46:39I beg your pardon?
46:40I'm Leo.
46:41Oh, that is interesting.
46:43Now, let me guess what you are.
46:45Do you know?
46:46You remind me so much of my late husband.
46:49Same height.
46:50Same building.
46:51Vision chips.
46:52Southend.
46:53My heart went all fine.
46:54I'm recently bereaved, you see.
46:56A widow now.
46:57And it's fair now.
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