00:00You don't want love. You want to feel chosen. You want to feel picked. Why is that? Okay. Why is that? Why does that happen? I've got a degree in cognitive neuroscience. I studied this stuff for a living. Here's exactly why. Somewhere along the way, a part of you learned that being chosen, being picked equals being safe and not being chosen equals abandonment, invisibility, or emotional danger. So now you chase the feeling of being picked and chosen like your freaking life depends on it. Okay. Because it did at one point, probably. Here's the part that you don't want to hear though. Okay.
00:27Okay. It's not that you want him. You want the version of you that exists when someone validates you. Let that sink in. Okay. You'll want the hit of I'm wanted. I'm special. I'm finally enough for someone. I matter to somebody today. And it makes sense. Okay. Especially for ambitious, hyper capable, independent women. Okay. You grew up earning everything. Okay. Approval, attention, love, praise, all of it. Affection. You weren't given safety, right? You had to perform for it.
00:53So now your nervous system is addicted to the moment that someone chooses you because it feels like the one moment you can finally relax. Not because you trust him, but because you don't trust yourself without external confirmation. And here is the cruel twist. Sadly, okay. The men who make you feel the most chosen, the fastest are usually the least capable of actually choosing you in the long term. Yikes.
01:15That's why you confuse intensity with intimacy, chemistry with compatibility, being wanted with being valued. Okay. Because your system isn't scanning for love. It's scanning for relief. Okay. So bottom line, you don't want to feel chosen. You want to feel safe inside yourself. So being chosen is a bonus, not a life nine. Okay.
01:35Next time you feel that I just want him to choose me spiral. Ask yourself, if he chooses me today, what feeling would I be trying to outsource? Validation, worthiness, certainty, stability, belonging, visibility. Like what is it? Okay. Whatever the answer is, that is the work.
01:52And the moment that you learn to generate that feeling internally, you stop chasing men who can't sustain it externally.
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