- 1 day ago
Tv, Allo Allo S7E10 - René of the Gypsies
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00:00THE END
00:29Two idiot British airmen
00:31Who are still stuck down the drain
00:33In the middle of the town square
00:34There are too many Germans about
00:36To feed them through the grating
00:37So I am going to lower this tray
00:39Down the drain in our garden
00:41And let it float to them
00:42Through the underground stream
00:44Needless to say
00:46Needless to say
00:47Our plan
00:48To get them out
00:49Under cover of my old ice cream van
00:51Went desperately wrong
00:53The clapped out ice making machinery
00:56Went berserk
00:57And squirted General von Klinkeroffen in the face
00:59With vanilla ice cream
01:00The result is now
01:03That ice cream has been banned in Nuvion
01:05And General von Klinkeroffen
01:07Has been treated for frostbite
01:08To his nose
01:09Oh, René
01:12I found you alone at last
01:14Why are you revealing so much
01:16Of your little body, Mimi?
01:17I am going sunbathing
01:19Oh, owe me to you
01:21You are very slippery
01:26I have worn myself all over
01:29With olive oil to aid my tan
01:31Oh, René
01:32Take off your clothes
01:34And join me behind the N-O's
01:35There was still some oil in the bottle
01:37I'll apply it
01:38No, no, no, Mimi
01:39I need that oil
01:40To make the vinaigrette for tonight
01:41Off you go
01:44And remember
01:45The sun is very hot
01:46So make sure you do not sauté yourself
01:48Oh, René
01:52Oh, see what's with all the walls
01:54My passions
01:55Embrace me
01:57Oh, oh, oh
01:59René
02:01What are you doing
02:03Holding that seventh girl in your arms?
02:06You stupid woman
02:07Can you not see this poor child
02:10Is suffering from sunstroke
02:12Because she's not wearing her hat?
02:14If I had not caught her
02:14She might have fallen down the drain
02:16And be on her way to the coast by now
02:17Put your hat on immediately, Yvette
02:20Oh, I am sorry, René
02:22I did not realise
02:23Now go and do your sunbathing
02:25And remember
02:26Keep that hat on
02:27Thank you, René
02:28Is that food for the airmen, Mimi?
02:30Yes, I baked them some rock eggs
02:32Two will be enough
02:36Any more might sink the tray
02:38I have told the airmen
02:41To stand by for their food
02:42Is it all ready?
02:43Yes, we have it here
02:44Then let us lower it down the drain
02:46Right, hold that
02:46Thank you
02:47We cannot go on feeding the airmen like this, Michelle
02:59How are we going to get them out?
03:01Listen very carefully
03:02I shall say this only once
03:04I have discovered that by Baron's charter
03:07Dating back to 1534
03:09That a gypsy fair may be held in the town square
03:12On the summer solstice
03:13How does that help us?
03:15You will ask the gypsies
03:17From the camp outside the village
03:18To bring us their fair
03:19I will arrange for one of the tents
03:21To be put up over the drain
03:23And the British airmen
03:24Will get out underneath it
03:25The Germans will never allow a fair, Michelle
03:27Well, it is up to you to persuade them, René
03:29After all, you are very friendly
03:31With the colonel and lieutenant Gruber
03:32No, no, I am not getting involved
03:34If you do not, René
03:35Some of my more trigger-happy girls
03:37Might think that you are a coward
03:39And come around here to shoot the place up
03:41But surely you would stop them, Michelle
03:43I would give them the bullets
03:45Oh, very well
03:47I will go to the gypsy camp
03:49And see what I can do
03:50I will come with you
03:51I speak a bit of woman-y
03:52You never told me that, Edie
03:55I learned to speak a bit
03:56To negotiate for cheap clothes pigs
03:58Well, you must go at once
04:01No, no, we will go this afternoon
04:03There is nobody to look after the cafe at the moment
04:05Where are Yvette and Mimi?
04:07No, sunbathing behind the inn house
04:09Oh, that is a good idea
04:11I think I will go and join them
04:13But you are not dressed for sunbathing
04:16We in the resistance are prepared for anything
04:24I hope the neighbours are
04:30When do you think this food is going to appear?
04:35I am starving
04:37I think I see something coming now
04:41I say
04:44Someone has eaten all the sandwiches
04:48You can see the teeth marks in the crust
04:52Infernal cheek
04:53Still
04:55At least they have left us the rock cakes
04:57They grab those too
05:04Stand by the door, von Smallhausen
05:09I am expecting Private Bigstern
05:11In exactly ten seconds
05:12She is never late
05:14Five
05:15Four
05:17Three
05:18Two
05:19One
05:20Minus one
05:22You are late
05:30I am sorry, Otto
05:31I was titivating myself
05:33That would take some time
05:36Let me press you to my bosom
05:40The pressing can wait
05:41I am not up to it at the moment
05:43I am
05:45Silence, von Smallhausen
05:49I have a little task for you, Elsa
05:52You know I will do anything for you, Otto
05:54I await your instructions
05:56I wish to gain access to the colonel's office this evening
05:59So you will invite him out
06:01Also, the lieutenant and the feathered vop
06:04May I ask why?
06:07We have made a forgery of a painting
06:08Which I wish to conceal in the colonel's desk
06:11It is the fallen Madonna
06:13With the big booby
06:14Do not reveal too much, von Smallhausen
06:19An anonymous phone call
06:21Will inform General von Klinkerhofen
06:23Of its whereabouts
06:24The occupants of the office
06:26Will be accused of stealing it
06:28And be sent to the Russian front
06:29That is a masterly plan
06:32I know
06:32If you play your part well
06:34You will get a cut of the original painting
06:37You have suddenly become
06:38Even more attractive, Otto
06:40I will too, as you ask
06:42You deserve a kiss
06:44Here, Flick is busy
06:49See who it is
06:49And I'd better not be another woman
06:52No, this is my command
06:54Do not speak
07:01These are my last coins
07:03Oh, just to hear your heavy breathing
07:06Makes me feel weak
07:07Even though we are apart
07:09I want you to know
07:10That I love you
07:11Miss you
07:13And vaunt you
07:14I think it is the wrong number
07:19But I'll just make sure
07:22My maintenance costs the lead soon
07:25And then I will return
07:27I long for your stern eyes
07:29To penetrate my
07:31To be pressed against your furs
07:34Mastering the body
07:36To once again
07:38Feel your hands on my
07:40Well?
07:48It was the wrong number
07:50Excuse me
07:53I shall have to go out
07:55And have a cold shower
07:57Leave it running
08:00I have found these two
08:10In the woods, great homie
08:11They wish to speak with you
08:13Who are you?
08:14We are friends
08:15I am René Artois
08:16From the cafe in the village
08:17And this is my wife, Edith
08:19I have for many moons
08:20Brought clothes decks
08:21From your people
08:22Now we bring you gifts
08:24Cakes I bake myself
08:25Give them to the horses
08:33We have come to ask
08:37If you will bring your fare
08:39To the village
08:39On the summer solstice
08:40As gypsies have done
08:42Since 1534
08:43Ah, the Germans
08:44Will not give us permission
08:45Oh, that is all right
08:47He has fixed it
08:49You will do good business
08:50Maybe
08:51First, let me see
08:53If I can trust you
08:54Give your palm
08:57To the great Romany
08:58Let me see
09:01Your lifeline
09:02Oh, it is very long
09:05See here
09:06It becomes a double line
09:08It even goes
09:09Up your sleeve
09:10What does that mean?
09:13You will die
09:13In a railway tunnel
09:14And you are lucky
09:18In love, too
09:19Well, of course
09:20He is married to me
09:22I see a line
09:24Of tragedy as well
09:25I also see
09:27Many other women
09:28In your life
09:29Younger than your wife
09:31What does he mean, René?
09:33He means the serving girls
09:34That work with me
09:35I see danger
09:37And excitement
09:38In your life
09:39Well, I work
09:40With the resistance
09:41Blowing trains up
09:42You know
09:42Things like that
09:43A lot of it
09:44Seems to take place
09:45In a broom cupboard
09:46With me
09:47René?
09:49What does he mean?
09:50You stupid woman
09:52I meet the girls
09:54In the cupboard
09:54During air raids
09:55Do we?
09:57Cross my palm
09:59With silver
09:59Oh, yeah
10:00You are a trustworthy man
10:10Cheap
10:13But trustworthy
10:14Thank you
10:16Maybe now you would like
10:17To inspect
10:17And read the hand
10:19Of my wife
10:19Do I have a long
10:23Lifeline, too?
10:25It is hard to see
10:26There are so many wrinkles
10:27Surely I have seen this
10:31Hand somewhere before
10:33Here, look
10:35The cross of destiny
10:37Is that a good sign?
10:39It was a child's hand
10:40When I saw it last
10:41Then it was tiny
10:42That figures
10:43Now I see images
10:47Of your past
10:48In my mind
10:49I see a big house
10:51With turrets
10:52That would be the chateau
10:54Where I was brought up
10:55In the servants quarters
10:56And I see a child
10:59On the doorstep
11:00In a basket
11:01There are clothes pegs
11:02In the basket
11:03Oh, that would be me
11:04I was found there
11:06By the butler
11:06Is it possible
11:08That you are Romana
11:09The lost gypsy princess
11:11Who was taken from us
11:12Forty-seven years ago
11:13Oh, no, no, no
11:14I am only thirty-six
11:16Yes, it is the mark
11:21We are blessed
11:22Gather round
11:26Little Romana
11:27Has come back
11:28To be our queen
11:29You mean I am married
11:31To a gypo?
11:32To a gypo?
11:32Oh, hey, Mr. Daniel
11:34We will go along with it
11:36We need them to do the fair
11:38Am I really a gypsy alien?
11:41There is no doubt about it
11:43The spirits never lie
11:44Does this mean you will do the fair?
11:47For Queen Romana?
11:48Of course
11:49Bring out our posters
11:51You must paste them up
11:52In the town
11:53But now we must celebrate
11:55Can you sing Romana?
11:57Your mother
11:58And a magnificent voice
11:59Another clue, honey
12:01She has passed it unto me
12:03You have traveled well
12:05Sing, Romana
12:07Play, gypsy
12:12Laugh
12:13Gypsy
12:14Sing, gypsy
12:16Cry
12:17Is that enough?
12:20You are not Romana
12:21Positive
12:23Perhaps a very distant cousin
12:26We left quite a few babies
12:28On those steps
12:28I have quite grown to like
12:31The idea of being a gypsy
12:33Living here
12:34In the open air
12:35Singing round the campfire
12:36Every evening
12:37We are not so keen
12:40You have been away
12:41From us too long
12:42You have built
12:43Your own life
12:44Elsewhere
12:44You should go back to it
12:46What about the fair?
12:48Oh, we'll still do it
12:49We need the money
12:50Now, take our posters
12:52We will come
12:53On the solstice
12:55Goodbye
12:55Goodbye
12:56Goodbye
12:57Goodbye
12:57Goodbye
12:58You are nearly married
13:03To a gypsy queen
13:04Would not that have been a shock?
13:07It would have been
13:07To Lieutenant Gruber
13:08Lieutenant, how would you like me
13:13To sing you a song?
13:14That sounds like a good idea
13:16Lieutenant, do you know
13:18Naughty Lola?
13:19You start, I'll follow
13:20They call me Naughty Lola
13:25The wisest girl on earth
13:27At home my pianola
13:29Is played for all its rest
13:31When I
13:32That girl is singing
13:34And off key too
13:35Your ears are keener
13:38Than mine
13:39The boys
13:41I love my music
13:43I can't keep them awake
13:45So my little pianola
13:47Is working night and day
13:48Hi!
13:49Come on
13:50Everybody join in
13:52They call me Naughty Lola
13:55The wisest girl on earth
13:57At home
13:57Sir!
13:58Sir!
14:00Colonel, you are under arrest
14:02You too, Captain
14:03What is the matter, General?
14:05You are under arrest too
14:06I found this
14:08In your desk, Colonel
14:09The remains of the Fall of Madonna
14:11Which was stolen from my quarters
14:13In the chateau
14:13Clearly, you are all involved
14:16In this theft
14:16There must be some mistake, General
14:18Yes, and you made it
14:20Guards!
14:22Take them to the dungeons
14:23Of the chateau
14:23Um
14:24I do not want to throw a spanner
14:26In the works, General
14:27But there are no doors
14:29On the chateau dungeons
14:29They had woodworm
14:31And were sent away last week
14:32To be measured and replaced
14:34On whose orders?
14:35Yours
14:36Well, take them to the town jail
14:39This is outrageous
14:41We've been fixed up
14:42This will not look good
14:44On my CV
14:45Oh, Harry
14:48They are being thrown into jail
14:51Is that not awful?
14:53Yes
14:53They have not paid for their beer
14:55Clothes pegs!
14:57Clothes pegs!
14:58Who will buy some clothes pegs
15:00From our poor old gypsy clothes pegs
15:02It is I, the Claire
15:05You dress like that for, you silly old fool
15:09I have brought you a message from the gypsies
15:11They cannot bring their fare to the village
15:13What?
15:14A black cat has passed the great Romany
15:17Walking backwards
15:18What was the great Romany doing walking backwards?
15:21Oh, he wasn't
15:24The cat was
15:25It is a bad omen
15:28And they will not come now
15:29Oh, my God
15:30How are we going to get the airmen out of the drain?
15:34Monet
15:34Michelle is in the back room
15:36Oh, we must tell her what has happened
15:37Yvette, look after the bar
15:39Come
15:39Michelle
15:41The gypsies are no longer coming
15:43They have had a bad omen
15:45A walking backwards cat
15:46That is a bad omen
15:48The animals will have to stay down the drain now
15:50Oh, no, no
15:51That is out of the question
15:52They could be discovered by the Germans at any moment
15:54We will have to organise the fare ourselves
15:56And how are we supposed to do that?
15:58We'll dress up in gypsy clothes and run our own stalls
16:01But what about the posters all over the town?
16:04The villagers and the Germans are expecting a real gypsy fare
16:07Have you got a spare poster anywhere?
16:09Oh, oh, I think there is one still here in the drawer
16:11We will have to provide all the attractions on the poster
16:15Then no one will suspect anything
16:17Ah, René, you can be the great Romany
16:20But he is a fortune teller
16:22How am I supposed to tell fortunes?
16:24Make them up
16:25Yvette
16:26And Mimi and Officer Crabtree can man the stalls
16:29Along with my resistance girls who can dress up as young gypsy maidens
16:33And what about this?
16:35Who is going to be the bearded lady?
16:37Oh, there is only one person left
16:39You will have to be the bearded lady, Madame Edith
16:41I am not going to be the bearded lady
16:43Why cannot you do it?
16:45Well, look at the picture on the poster
16:46I am too tall
16:48What about Mimi?
16:49She's too small
16:50Or Yvette
16:51She's too young
16:53Oh, remember, Madame Edith
16:54It is for the British Airmen
16:56Oh, very well
16:57But I do it under protest
16:59Where am I to get a beard?
17:02Wait a year or try the barber's
17:04I have a try the barber's
17:08The general must have gone mad to put us in here
17:12I would have called my lawyer
17:14If he wasn't already in the nick
17:16I wish we could get out
17:19This cell is making me claustrophobic
17:21There's one way
17:23No answer
17:28We'll get into even more trouble if we escape
17:31Good morning
17:36I have four migs of two
17:40Is it morning already?
17:43It is half-pissed socks
17:45Did you sloop well?
17:51No, we did not
17:53What is it for breakfast?
17:54I'm hungry
17:55This is prison
17:56We do not kick brockfist
17:58We're licky to get the two
18:01You are all released
18:03I'm afraid I owe you an apology
18:05I have examined the painting most carefully
18:08And it is clearly a forgery
18:10I knew there was some mistake, General
18:12We had nothing to do with stealing the painting from your quarters
18:16What was a forgery doing in your desk, Colonel?
18:19Uh, it was left behind
18:21From all those forgeries you had made to fool the Resistance, General
18:25Oh, yes, now I remember
18:26Well, I feel very bad about this
18:28Come to the Chateau
18:29And I'll give you all a slap-up breakfast to make up for it
18:32Oh, bigger it
18:46That gypsy there looks remarkably like René, Colonel
19:15He certainly does
19:19Remy, it is you
19:25Hello, Lieutenant
19:27What are you doing dressed up as a gypsy, René?
19:31Colonel, the gypsies have to cancel
19:32So we are running the fair ourselves
19:34To avoid disappointing the villagers and your men
19:37That's a good
19:38I mean they would have been very disappointed
19:40You may continue, René
19:43I cannot, thank you
19:44That hearing is quite becoming, René
19:51And your skin color is very authentic
19:56It is shoe polish
19:58That would account for the faint aroma of cherry blossom
20:02There, what I have to hit
20:18If I get to the bullseye, you take off of your clothes?
20:21No
20:22You think I'm going to eat China versus?
20:25It's a piece of cake
20:26I'm the best shot in the Italian army
20:28What do I get for that?
20:35A bill for the vase
20:36I got my range now
20:38This time, I know this
20:40Here
20:40Take this
20:42You win
20:43We can't afford the vases
20:44What a mistake to make
20:49Come try the experience of a left hand
20:53Kiss the bearded lady
20:55And win the free entry to the grand prize rapid
20:58Oh, madame, it distracts me
21:10To see the woman I love
21:12In a beard
21:14I do it for the resistance, Monsieur Alphonse
21:17Oh, it is so demeaning
21:19The thought that lips other than mine
21:22Should touch yours
21:24Do not worry, Monsieur Alphonse
21:26In this beard, no one will want to kiss me
21:28Is this when I kiss the bedded lady?
21:32No, can you
21:33I'm Nelly
21:34Rule up
21:41Rule up
21:43Try your lick at the cuckoo nut shoe
21:45All right
21:47Ting Frank's the goon
21:49You take these three bills
21:52And throw them at the cuckoo nut
21:54If you hit the cuckoo nut
21:57The skintly dressed crimpet
21:59Will fall out of the bog
22:00There's a lot falling out already
22:02You try and save somebody
22:05You throw the balls at the coconut, Colonel
22:08If you hit it, the vet falls out of the bed
22:10I've seen it before
22:11It's rather a waste of money
22:12And shoot, I will have a gold
22:14Go easy, please, Colonel
22:17I do not want to be tipped out too often
22:19Don't worry that
22:21I am a German officer
22:32Thank you, Colonel
22:34I am safe this once
22:36Oh, no
22:39Oh, no
22:43We are almost ready to rescue the airmen
22:50About time
22:51Already
22:52Under cover of this tent
22:53We have handed down two gypsy costumes to them
22:56I have here this jemmy for them to bang out the rusty bolts on the inches of the grating
23:00I say, chaps
23:05Are you there?
23:06Hello
23:06Here, chaps
23:08Take this jemmy
23:09And go to the next drain along
23:12It's under the shooting gallery
23:13So nobody will hear you banging out those bolts on the grating
23:16When you get out
23:18Wait there for us under the counter
23:20Right, I won't go
23:21They are going to the next drain alone
23:26It is under the shooting gallery
23:27They will be safer there
23:28Then what?
23:29They will wait with Mimi
23:30Until the fair is over
23:31Now I must go
23:32Are you going to help the airmen out?
23:35No, I am next door running the toffee apple store
23:37Lieutenant Gruber is coming this way
23:40He is coming here
23:42Oh, my God
23:43You must keep him here as long as you can, René
23:46We want as few Germans about as possible
23:48When the airmen come out of the grating
23:49Ah, here you are, René
23:57I knew I would find you eventually
24:00I see you have a little tent all to yourself
24:03Yes, I am standing in for the great Romany
24:07I suppose you have come to have your fortune told
24:09Can you do it?
24:11Oh, we country folk often have the power
24:13I will try my best
24:14Sit down
24:15And I will get my ball out
24:17Oh, quite an impressive size
24:25The mists swirl
24:30Now they are clearing
24:32Snowball car, friends
24:36You ain't won't fight
24:37I say, why don't we go back and try the other thing?
24:40The hinges on that one are always off
24:42Good idea
24:43Let's try it
24:44I am most impressed with your fortune telling, René
24:56But now I really should be getting back to the court
24:58I will
24:59Oh, is there nothing else you would like from the great Romany?
25:03That depends what you have in mind
25:04But the great Romany has the power to communicate with the dead
25:09Perhaps I could try it for you
25:10Is there anybody you would like to speak to?
25:13Your grandmother, perhaps?
25:14That would not be easy, René
25:16She's not dead yet
25:17But, yes, perhaps there is someone
25:21Your late twin brother
25:24My brother?
25:26The one I had shot
25:28It still afflicts my conscience terribly
25:31I would like to ask his forgiveness
25:32I will try my best
25:35Should we hold hands?
25:37No, that will not be necessary
25:39He is very near
25:44Near than I expected
25:52He forgives your left hand
25:54I did not want to see him
26:02I just wanted to give him a message
26:03René, what is happening?
26:08Why is Lieutenant Groover screaming?
26:10These idiot airmen have come up the wrong brain
26:12Well, at least they are safe
26:14René, I have come to help
26:17Hello
26:18Hello
26:19Hello
26:20Hello
26:20Hello, Jans
26:22This way, chaps
26:25God, for that
26:27I thought we'd never get out of that brain
26:30Who are you?
26:32Ah, Wing Commander Blankensop, old gal
26:34Shot down three weeks ago
26:35Been trying to find a way out of the blasted drain ever since
26:38It's all right
26:38Thought we'd pop up
26:40Ah, this is Fairfax and Karstass also shot down
26:43Hello
26:43Hello
26:44Well, you chaps seem to acclimatise well
26:48Meet Ginger, my dear brother
26:51Hello
26:51Hello
26:52He just sparks the radio operator
26:54Hello
26:54I say, chaps, I say, chaps
26:57Keep it down a bit
26:58Jerry's everywhere
26:59Right, KVJ
27:00Right
27:01Well, glad to meet you
27:02I hope we can stay here for a while
27:04Are you all English?
27:05Absolutely
27:05I'm the leader of the French Resistance
27:08Oh, how do you do?
27:09And this is René Artois
27:10A Resistance hero
27:11His cafe is the safe house
27:14You can hide that
27:14Oh, good show
27:15And this is his wife, Edith
27:17She'll be looking after you
27:18Yes, on second thoughts
27:23I think we'll take our chances down the drain
27:25Right, there's a work
27:26Right then, come on, Jack
27:28Let's get all those pony clothes off
27:31It's the best idea you've had yet
27:32Well done, Edith
27:35You are frightened those new idiot airmen away
27:37Oh, really
27:38We live in such dangerous times
27:41If I take off my beard
27:43Will you hold me and kiss me?
27:45Better keep it on, Edith
27:47Well, they could come back up again
27:50Thank you
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