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Tv, Allo Allo S7E08 - Prior Engagements
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00:00The New Vion
00:23Things have gone from bad to worse here in New Vion.
00:25We were just about to send the airmen out to sea in two wine barrels which were hidden in my cellar
00:31when General von Klinkeroffen confiscated the barrels
00:34because he thought that they contained a rather good 26 claret.
00:38Needless to say, the airmen are now in his cellar at the chateau.
00:42If he decides to sample the claret, I am a dead man.
00:46My hands are shaking.
00:48In the absence of tranquilizers, I am mixing gin with acorn coffee.
00:55I find that it helps to calm me down.
00:57Ready!
01:02Look!
01:03The first edition of the New Vion newspaper is on the streets.
01:07I do know, Edith. I am the editor.
01:09You are very naughty, Venny.
01:12You did not tell me I had been chosen as the spirit of New Vion.
01:16Well, after all, you are nagging. What else could I do?
01:19Look at my picture.
01:20To think of my face staring out of all the new stands.
01:23And under the title, the spirit of New Vion represents strength, virtue and beauty.
01:29You must remember, Edith, it is a propaganda paper.
01:36René, is there not some way I can show my appreciation?
01:40After all, the cafe is empty.
01:44Yes, of course, Edith.
01:45The sink behind the bar is bunged up.
01:48Go and see if you can clear it out, then.
01:50If I am put under any more strain, I am going to be out of gin.
01:57Listen very carefully. I shall say this only once.
02:01I have had the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies we stole from AirFlix's safe valued by an expert.
02:07It is a forgery.
02:08No.
02:09But how do you tell?
02:10Oh, dear.
02:14Her boobies are not big enough.
02:19They look all right to me.
02:22I also found out that somehow the original is in the possession of General Van Klinkeraffen at the Chateau.
02:29We must get it. We need the funds for the resistance.
02:32I am more concerned about the airman in his cellar than this painting.
02:35If they are found in barrels that came from my cellar, we will be shot.
02:37He is right.
02:39The painting is of secondary importance.
02:41I agree.
02:43I will put the best brains of the resistance onto the problem of rescuing the airman.
02:47However, the resistance is still very short of funds.
02:56When the painting is recovered and sold, you will be re-unversed.
03:00But now, I must vanish like a phantom to the hairdressers.
03:02Oh, René, you look so worried.
03:08Would you like me to get you some more gin?
03:11Balls.
03:16I will get you some anyway.
03:17For the sake of it, this first edition is not at all bad.
03:26Congratulations.
03:28I supervised René to the best of my ability, making sure he only put in the paper what I told him.
03:34Why do you have so many articles about General Von Kinkiehofen?
03:39Because he is a garrison commander.
03:44And he has a big head.
03:46Look, he insisted on having his picture on the front page.
03:50What an idiot he looks.
03:52General Von Kinkiehofen!
03:55General Von Kinkiehofen!
03:58Ah, I see you're all reading the paper.
04:01The colonel, he was just saying how handsome you look on the front page.
04:06Yes, I do look rather dashing, don't I?
04:09That is an excellent article, Gruber, you wrote about how we are winning the war.
04:13I merely took down your dictation, General.
04:16Why you not print how the Italians are winning the war?
04:18When you start, we will.
04:23Now, Colonel, I've had another idea for cementing relationships with the conquered French peasants.
04:28I am all ears.
04:30A marriage between an officer in the occupying forces and a French peasant woman would be an excellent propaganda coup.
04:36I'm not sure that the peasants are too keen on marrying members of the occupying forces.
04:41Your prospective husband must persuade her that it is a good idea.
04:44I've already selected the woman.
04:45Uh, this one. The spirit of Nuvian.
04:50He said that's Madame Edith from the café.
04:53As I understand it, always very friendly towards you.
04:56I don't fancy cementing relations with Madame Edith.
04:59You won't have to, you're already married.
05:02Oh yes, so I am.
05:03Yes, so I am.
05:05Thank heavens.
05:07Lieutenant Gruber and Captain Bertorelli will draw straws for the honour of proposing to her.
05:11But, uh, we don't have any straws.
05:14And I am not a marrying kind.
05:16I'm more the love them and the leave them.
05:19So, we will draw pencils.
05:22Whoever gets the shorter one will marry the peasant.
05:27And then, of course, when the war is over, we can have it cancelled.
05:30Ah.
05:31Bad luck.
05:32General, I cannot do it.
05:33What?
05:34Well, my mother has always hoped that I would marry a nice blonde German.
05:49A girl, that is.
05:52He has always been very reticent where women of the opposite sex are concerned.
05:58This is true.
06:00On the other hand, Captain Bertorelli here is always telling us he's irresistible to women of the opposite sex.
06:07Really?
06:09He never fails.
06:11Then Captain Bertorelli will marry the spirit of Nuvian.
06:13But the generalis!
06:14Quiet!
06:15That is an order.
06:16Only one of the waitresses.
06:17The taller one with the nicer bum.
06:21You'll do as you're told.
06:22If, however, she refuses you, then you can have a good survey.
06:26I am suddenly depressed.
06:28Look, my feathers, they droop.
06:31Captain Bertorelli remember, the money from the cafe will keep you in comfort.
06:36And you can chase the waitresses all night.
06:39Whereas the spirit of Nuvian is asleep.
06:42You're right.
06:43In the day I make the money, in the night I make the pass.
06:47Madam Edith, she will not resist me.
06:49I go to the cafe today to ask for a hand.
06:52Good. We will have a reception at the Chateau to make the official announcement.
06:56Colonel, you can invite all the local dignitaries.
06:59Heil Hitler!
07:00Heil Hitler!
07:01Heil Mussolini!
07:02Well, what if she says a no?
07:07Nonsense!
07:09You are the most handsome man in Nuvian.
07:12You'll get the cafe and the girls.
07:14Yes, it's called having your cake and eating it.
07:17The cafe is okay.
07:19The crumbly old cake I could do without.
07:21You wanted to see me, Herr Flick?
07:27Yes, von Smallhausen.
07:29My informants tell me that the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies,
07:34which was stolen from under my nose while my back was turned,
07:36is on display in General von Klinkerhofen's quarters at the Chateau.
07:41Curse!
07:42It is beyond our reach.
07:44Nothing is beyond the reach of the Gestapo.
07:47But the Chateau is heavily guarded in front, Herr Flick.
07:50And there was a moat at the rear.
07:53How will we get in?
07:55We will swim across the moat in these special Gestapo fundament suits.
08:04We will then scale the wall with the aid of this compressed air mechanism,
08:10which will fire this grappling iron on to the roof of the castle.
08:14We will then create a diversion and steal the painting.
08:17There is one problem with your plan, Herr Flick.
08:20And what is this?
08:21I cannot swim.
08:23Turn on to the table, von Smallhausen, and lie upon your face.
08:28Yes, sir.
08:32I have here the Gestapo manual entitled
08:36Learning to Swim Very, Very Quickly.
08:39Let me start with the breaststroke.
08:41First of all, Smallhausen, it is a very wide boat.
08:53You must help me. It is urgent.
08:56I have taken enough risks already.
08:58What is so urgent that you come here in daylight through the front door?
09:02Well, as you know, I am constantly on the move.
09:04I have had no time to do my washing.
09:07Please keep the whites separate, too dry, and try not to shrink the underwear.
09:11I need to be able to move quickly in an emergency.
09:14René!
09:16Lieutenant Gauble is heading this way.
09:18I was at the butcher's. I came to warn you.
09:20Take the washing into the kitchen.
09:22Michelle, quick, come with me into the back room.
09:24Quick, quick, quick.
09:27Oh, René. I am so glad I found you alone.
09:30Only just.
09:31I have come to warn you.
09:35General von Klinkhofen, in the interests of improving relations with the peasants,
09:40has ordered Captain Bertorelli to marry Madame Edith.
09:43No.
09:45Yes.
09:47Why did he pick on her?
09:49And then again, why pick on him?
09:53She is the spirit of Nouvion. What better choice could there be?
09:58Oh, my God.
09:59So confident is the general of the outcome that he has organized a reception for the village dignitaries at the chateau to announce the engagement.
10:07What a nerve. Of course she will refuse.
10:10It might be better if you got Madame Edith into hiding, in case she falls for his irresistible charm, which I must say escapes me.
10:19I am grateful, Lieutenant, for the warning.
10:24If I can save anyone from the torture of metromony I've ever been.
10:29If only you had been around 25 years ago.
10:33If only I had.
10:35We heard every word.
10:36René, why did you not tell the Lieutenant that you were married to me?
10:49You were married to the René who were shot. I am his twin brother from Nancy. How quickly you forget the plot.
10:53When he proposes I shall tell that I die to get nutted.
10:57Oh, no, let's not be hasty.
11:00Every cloud has a silver lining.
11:02They are to hold a reception at the chateau, which gives us a splendid chance to get the British airmen out.
11:07No, I am sorry. It is out of the question.
11:10But do you not see? If the airmen are found in the wine barrels that came from your cellar, you could be shot.
11:16I know that, but you cannot just walk out of there with two wine barrels.
11:21We do not have to. I have made some preliminary notes.
11:27Beneath the cellars is an underground stream. We can drop the barrels with the airmen into it.
11:32The barrels will float down the river and out to sea to rendezvous with the boat squadron from England.
11:39But the chateau will be full of Germans. And how do we get into the cellar?
11:44Listen. There is a tunnel to the cellars from the monastery.
11:49A locked door prevents entry to the cellars.
11:52You must open the door from the inside during the reception and let us in. It is a perfect plan.
11:57But how do we get to the cellar from the reception? The living quarters of the general are at the top of the chateau.
12:02One pair of knickers and three pounds of chateau.
12:07No, no, I'm sorry. I will read that again. Those are personal notes.
12:12Not to hear it.
12:14There is a dumb waiter outside the room of General von Klinkeraffen.
12:18You will put in it your small waitress, Mimi, and wind her down to the cellar.
12:23She will unlock the interconnecting door. I will enter with my girls and drop the barrels into the stream. It is simple.
12:28There is Captain Batterelli approaching now.
12:33You will be doing this for France, Edith. You must say yes.
12:38Be brave, Madame Edith, and don't worry. We will get you out of it before the wedding.
12:42Excuse me while I vanish into the back room.
12:44Oh, the beautiful lady. I bring you these beautiful flowers.
12:54That is very kind of you.
12:56I don't beat about the bush, Madame Edith.
12:59I accept.
13:00I come here today to ask for your hand in marriage.
13:04I accept.
13:05Together we have a wonderful time together. We go for walks in the moonlight.
13:10We kiss with a passion under the stars.
13:12I accept.
13:14Then we come home.
13:16And count the takings from the till.
13:19I go on my bended knees. Please say yes.
13:21Yes.
13:22I already said yes. Were you not listening?
13:25You did?
13:27Mamma mia, then it is done.
13:28Tonight we have a bigger reception at the castle to tell everyone how much we love each other.
13:33Now I give you the kiss. Just a little one.
13:51Tonight when I come back.
14:08When I come back to take you to the reception.
14:11I bring you the engagement ring with the diamonds and the sapphires.
14:15You mean you are rich as well.
14:17Don't worry. I charge it to the business.
14:21Well done Madame Edith. We saw and heard everything.
14:30Oh René.
14:32When he forced his lips on mine.
14:34It must have been difficult for you to control yourself.
14:38It was.
14:40There are still tears in my eyes.
14:42And then I realized that he is more interested in the takings from the café than in you.
14:46Oh René.
14:48While you still love me.
14:49His finger will never be on my till.
14:52That is a great comfort.
14:57Ah good. The sandwiches.
14:58You sir.
14:59Is everything ready?
15:00Yes General.
15:01The girls must make sure that everyone's glass is filled at all times.
15:05This is supposed to be a happy occasion.
15:06The invited dignitaries are here.
15:07No.
15:08Announce them.
15:09The head of the Nuvium police.
15:10Good morning.
15:11I am very close to meet you General Von Tonko.
15:12Lieutenant Greber.
15:13Colonel Von Stream.
15:14Mr. Alphonse.
15:15The mayor, the undertaker, the hairdresser, the vineyard owner and the photographer.
15:16There are the other five people you announced.
15:17There are the other five people you announced.
15:18Oh there are all me.
15:19General.
15:20Allow me to introduce me.
15:21I am very close to meet you General Von Tonko.
15:25Mr. Alphonse.
15:26I am very close to meet you General Von Tonko.
15:27I am very close to meet you General Von Tonko.
15:28I am very close to meet you General Von Tonko.
15:29Lieutenant Greber.
15:30I am very close to meet you General Von Tonko.
15:31Lieutenant Greber.
15:32Colonel Von Stream.
15:33Mr. Alphonse.
15:34The mayor, the undertaker, the hairdresser, the vineyard owner and the photographer.
15:38There are the other five people you announced.
15:43Oh there are all me General.
15:48Allow me to introduce myself.
15:49My card.
15:50Mr. Alphonse funeral and burials swiftly and with style.
15:53Fortunately I am in good health.
15:56Monsieur and Madame Leclerc.
16:00I do not shake hands with Germans.
16:07I spit on them.
16:09Excuse me General, she is a little bit...
16:13Now settle down you old bat.
16:15Here Madame Fanny, have a drink.
16:17It will make you feel better.
16:18Are you mad?
16:19She must keep off the booze.
16:21Remember, you have a part to play to get your old daughter out of this engagement.
16:26I am an old trooper.
16:28I will not fail.
16:30Quick Ernest, give me your E-flask.
16:33Oh, be careful Fanny.
16:35It is very strong.
16:36Do not spill it on the floor or it will take off the polish.
16:40That is the spot.
16:41Captain Bertharilly and his fiancée, the spirit of Nuvion.
16:50My word.
16:51It is the first time I have seen Mutton actually dressed as Mutton.
16:55Were there any problems?
16:59Apparently she accepted without hesitation.
17:02I am not a bit surprised.
17:03This is my bride-to-be.
17:05May I say Madame Edis, you have never looked more beautiful.
17:10Thank you Lieutenant.
17:12Here, I pay the compliments not to you.
17:15Look at her, what a beauty.
17:17I am blinded by love.
17:19That's quite obvious.
17:20Over here.
17:29I must congratulate you on helping with our war effort.
17:32My chest is a swallow with pride.
17:34Do I get a medallion?
17:36No, but you certainly deserve one.
17:39Oh, Madame Edis.
17:42If you marry this man, you will break my ticker.
17:45It is already ticking.
17:48Don't worry, Monsieur Alphonse.
17:50I am only going through the motions.
17:52Oh.
17:53I shudder to think of you going through the motions with this feather.
17:57Ow.
17:58A nice sound of my teeth.
18:02Please.
18:03Control yourself.
18:04I cannot.
18:05As a matter of principle, I must challenge my rival to a duel.
18:09It is expected.
18:12The world with you, Monsieur.
18:17Hello.
18:18What's up?
18:19You have taken the hand of the woman I love.
18:21I demand satisfaction.
18:22It is a local custom.
18:24In Italy, the husband gets a satisfaction.
18:29The locals don't get a look in.
18:32I demand the satisfaction of a duel to the death.
18:36Name your time and place.
18:43What's that for?
18:44It is also part of the local custom.
18:47Okie dokie.
18:48Done tomorrow in the woods.
18:50I will.
18:51I have done what is expected of me.
18:53I must inform you I am the best shot in the Italian army.
18:56In that case, I must inform you that I have a prior engagement.
19:00Otherwise, I would go and embalm myself immediately.
19:03Cheers.
19:04Cheers.
19:05Cheers.
19:06Cheers.
19:23That is the window of the General's quarters.
19:26It is very high.
19:27Do not be afraid of snow.
19:28Because the boat fires a grappling iron, climb the almost insurmountable wall.
19:37After creating a diversion, we steal the painting and return to our quarters.
19:42I must point out, Herr Flick, I have not yet fully mastered the technique of swimming.
19:47What if I get into difficulties?
19:50You will continue walking underwater for as long as you can.
19:59Are you ready to go down into the cellar, my brave little Mimi?
20:02For you, René.
20:03I am always ready.
20:04Yvette will lower you down.
20:06Why cannot I go?
20:07Because I am braver than you and you are fatter than me.
20:10How dare you, shorty.
20:13Fatty.
20:14Shorty.
20:15Fatty.
20:16Fatty.
20:17Fatty.
20:18Stop it.
20:19You are both brave.
20:20Now come along, Mimi.
20:21Climbing.
20:26Good luck, Mimi.
20:27I must get back to the festivities.
20:29And if I am asked about this, of course, I know nothing about it.
20:32Trust us.
20:33Good.
20:34Yes.
20:35Be careful how you lower me down.
20:36It is a long drop.
20:37Do not tell me what to do.
20:39Aren't you one of the waitresses for the café?
20:40What if I am?
20:41You gave me a little kiss the other night and promised another the next time we met.
20:52Oh, I don't remember.
20:54Oh!
20:55Oh!
20:56Oh!
20:57Oh!
20:58Oh!
20:59Oh!
21:00Oh!
21:01Oh!
21:02I see it's all coming back to you.
21:03Oh!
21:04Oh!
21:05Oh!
21:06Oh!
21:07Quick!
21:08Mimi.
21:09It is I, Michelle, who opens a door.
21:11Oh, the key is big and old, but I am strong.
21:15There.
21:16Well done.
21:18Ah, there are the barriers.
21:21Perfect.
21:22Carstairs, can you hear me?
21:26Hello.
21:27We've come to get you out.
21:29Oh, about time.
21:31The rats have been gnawing at my bum.
21:34Well, pop back in, chaps.
21:35We're going to drop you in the river and start your journey.
21:38Very good.
21:39Silly-o.
21:39Michelle, I hope this plan works.
21:42My subscription to Wentworth runs out next week.
21:45That's too bad.
21:46Cheerio.
21:50Open the trap door, girls.
21:51Quick, Mimi.
22:12Get back before you are missed.
22:14is she not back yet oh she's very heavy oh i will do it go and serve the drink all right
22:30oh honey what are you doing out here you're missing all the fun they're just running out
22:39of wine lieutenant i sent me me down to get some more that looks like heavy work let me give you a
22:45hand it's all right lieutenant i can manage nonsense look i'm terribly sorry about madam
22:56edith i wish i could have prevented this dreadful engagement well thank you for trying don't worry
23:04if your nights become lonely we can always chat by the bar that would be a great comfort oh here is
23:12me me now come advance the general's about to make a speech
23:17ah well done mimi oh i have overcome great danger
23:28owe me and kiss me you will just have to settle for a well done mimi
23:34silence i have invited all you local peasants here tonight to hear
23:45an important announcement to cement the friendship between the occupying forces and the peasants i've
23:50decided to give my permission for a marriage to take place between captain bertarelli and the spirit
23:56of nuvion from the cafe renais have you got the ring
23:59what a what
24:04it will be yours tonight
24:08captain bertarelli is of course an italian and not a true aryan but it's the spirit of the occasion
24:17that counts where is the photographer i am here general my equipment is at the ready
24:22we will have the official engagement for the valve over here
24:25i wish to take this opportunity to display a fabulous art treasure which has been acquired for the glory of the
24:32third reich
24:36as you'll see
24:38it is the fallen madonna of his big boobies by van klomp
24:42which will soon be on its way to the furor
24:45let this be a lesson to you all
24:47we germans always succeed in the end
24:53as a happy couple may join me
24:57along the road back this is the moment what
25:00it is my pleasure to announce the engagement officially and i trust you will all join me in wishing captain bertarelli and his bride to be every happiness
25:09i do not
25:10who said that
25:12my daughter edis will never marry that
25:16ugly wizard whoop
25:19as long as i have a breath left in my body
25:25who is in that case
25:28she is kept in bertarelli's future mother-in-law
25:31my mother-in-law
25:33i will cut you off without to sue you
25:35treacherous
25:36you will never have my cafe now
25:39her cafe but i thought it was your cafe
25:42it is mama's
25:45she shall never disperse my family by marrying that
25:50takeo
25:51takeo
25:52i'm from napoli
25:53that's even worse
25:55i've changed my mind the wedding it's off
25:58you could lose your rank and medals for this
26:00you can keep the medals
26:01mussolini
26:02he made me the captain not you
26:03the name is mussolini
26:07that is the last time i trust an eye tie for the silly walk
26:11i see the painting of the fallen madonna with the big boobies
26:16it is time to activate our special gestapo fire alarm as a diversion
26:21i am ready herr fleek
26:23very well
26:25activate your helmet
26:27fire alarm general
26:35quick
26:35activate the fire alarm on the spring
26:50what?
26:50switch it off
26:52now jump
26:59how do we know the moat is deep enough to break our fall herr fleek?
27:07you will test it
27:09obviously not
27:16that was not even our fire alarm
27:21there must be another one somewhere
27:23the picture is gone
27:25and not blind guards
27:27search went to us
27:28it could not have been one of the possums
27:30as we were all at sod in the pissage
27:32what an evening
27:39what a successful one
27:42i got out of marrying captain bottorelli
27:44and we still got the British German away
27:47thank goodness we will never have to see those two British idiots again
27:51tell me this is a dream
27:58they say
27:59we seem to have taken the wrong passage in the underground stream
28:02the creating is jammed
28:06what do they say?
28:08they have taken the wrong pissage
28:10i am afraid there has been an almighty kick up
28:13you put the weed right out of my mouth
28:16you put the weed right out of my mouth
28:46are there
28:51that can't be what you have to see
28:51you put a good job
28:53what would they say?
28:54how did they say
28:55they say
28:56but the mosquito-rovolved
28:57are there
28:58are there
28:59but they can happen
29:00there
29:00i am not
29:04abd
29:05I am not
29:06how do we know
29:08what you did
29:08we need
29:09we need
29:10we need
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