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00:00Welcome, welcome to Nevermind the Burst Corks, it's the Christmas special!
00:29Christmas, it means something different to everyone, doesn't it?
00:35You might think tinsel, turkey, merriment, but I know what you really want.
00:39You want a Christmas show where the legal team have asked to remove a joke about Cliff Richard because, and I quote,
00:44on top of being bad taste, there were potential defamation issues.
00:47Well, you've hit the motherlode here.
00:54Joining Jamali on Noel's team tonight.
00:57It's not about the money, money, money.
00:59A Brit awards winning global superstar who has sung with Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande,
01:04and a singer who we at Buzzcocks have got a secret about that could ruin her.
01:07We must have, otherwise, why is she here?
01:10It makes no sense.
01:11I don't know what she's done, but she's done something.
01:14What have you done?
01:15What have you done, Jessie J?
01:17And on Sophie's team tonight.
01:24When will I, will I be famous?
01:28Lead singer of the multi-platinum selling Bross, who's on record as saying he's water skied with The Edge,
01:34he's played table tennis with Keith Richards, he's shared a scotch with Frank Sinatra,
01:38and he's had lunch with Princess Diana.
01:40And tonight, he lands the big fish.
01:42He sits next to a pregnant woman from Bolton, who told me that she once got drunk on a train with Dev from Coronation Street.
01:50He's done it!
01:51It's Matt Goss!
01:53And also on Sophie's team, an award-winning comedian and actor who is famous for Man Like Mo Bean,
02:04and I'm with him.
02:05Man do like Mo Bean.
02:06And this man likes Mo Sausage, Mo Bacon, stick a couple of hash browns on.
02:10You can keep your cooked tomato.
02:11Let's eat.
02:12It's the brilliant Guzcan!
02:19Christmas.
02:20Christmas.
02:21Is it special to you all?
02:24You haven't done a Christmas show with us, Soph, before?
02:26I've not, no.
02:27They're your favourites, aren't they, lads?
02:29It's the worst one.
02:30Why is it the worst one?
02:32You are the worst one.
02:33Are you not a Christmas fan?
02:35I've got to spend time with the family and stuff, haven't I?
02:37You already live with your mum.
02:39Yeah, I do live.
02:42You've got to come out of your room, though.
02:44You've got to get off the PlayStation for a while, haven't you?
02:47And do you know what the thing is?
02:48That's actually what pisses me off, I've got to get off the PlayStation for a while.
02:50Jessie, do you like Christmas?
02:52Are you a big Christmas fan?
02:53I love Christmas.
02:54Great, innit?
02:55Yeah.
02:56I love it.
02:57November 1st.
02:58Halloween's done.
02:59I'd have thought it would have been the opposite for you.
03:01You look like a Halloween child.
03:02Well, you look like brother and sister.
03:06I sat down on set, I thought it was in the Tim Burton movie.
03:08But I've got a little baby, so I'm excited for Christmas is a whole new thing now.
03:12Ah, yeah.
03:13Is it the first Christmas?
03:14Yeah, the first one he understands.
03:15He's two, innit?
03:16Yeah, he's two and a half.
03:17So you didn't give him one last year?
03:18No.
03:19Definitely not.
03:20I've got a mate who has that policy with his children.
03:22No gifts, no celebrations until year two.
03:24That's fair.
03:25I did it.
03:26Yeah.
03:27I know someone who threw a surprise party for a one-year-old.
03:30And I was just like, you know, you don't have to do that.
03:32You just pop up from behind a tea towel to surprise him.
03:37Gus, you've got loads of kids.
03:38Is Christmas a big thing in your house or not?
03:40Love Christmas.
03:41Yeah.
03:42It's a time for me and my wife and five kids,
03:45and we've got this new forced tradition where early on in the day,
03:49Tommy Robinson comes around and he does a protest in our front garden.
03:53Immigration and Islam and all that.
03:56Doesn't it fill your heart?
03:57It does, yeah.
03:58Obviously none of that's true, but I wish it was,
04:00because Christmas is usually shitter at our house.
04:02There's nothing going on.
04:03Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Goss is here.
04:06Yeah, yeah.
04:07Woo!
04:08Matt, I was genuinely a massive Bross fan when I was at university.
04:13It was our house song, I owe you nothing.
04:16I want to bond with you now.
04:17I'll tell you this.
04:18I once had sex to that song.
04:19OK.
04:20I once had sex with a woman who threw a Marks and Spencer's Goodsbury fool
04:23on my penis.
04:24What?
04:25Licked it off like a big cat.
04:27So you've got a blowjob and dessert.
04:35Christmas, big thing for you?
04:37I love Christmas, but I feel like coming back here after being in the States,
04:40it arrives in, like, October, and it's just too much.
04:43It's too much too soon.
04:44Yeah.
04:45You know, it's just overkill for me.
04:46When do you want it to come?
04:47Like, December 15th.
04:50Really?
04:51That is very specific.
04:52That is a very quick lead-up.
04:53How do you fit it all in?
04:55Well, that's a very personal question.
04:57There you go.
05:00Just with your thumb, innit?
05:01Yeah, yeah.
05:02For me, at my age, it's like an old marshmallow.
05:07You've both done versions of Silent Night, right?
05:09Yeah.
05:10Can we have some live Silent Night?
05:11Oh, my gosh.
05:12To start the show?
05:13I don't know if you're mentioning we did it in the same key.
05:16Let's find out.
05:17Let's start the show.
05:19We did it in the same key.
05:21Let's find out.
05:23This car, your heart is bright.
05:29Round yon virgin, mother and child.
05:38Holy infant so tender and mild.
05:45Sleep in heavenly peace.
05:53Sleep in heavenly peace.
06:00That's lovely.
06:06Beautiful.
06:08I feel like me and God should have wrapped at the end.
06:11Yeah, you wrap our beatbox between us.
06:14I think that's the one connection no one ever wants to see,
06:17is you and me rapping.
06:19I can beatbox.
06:20Can you rap while Sophie beatboxes?
06:22No, I can't.
06:23Just for me, let's crack it.
06:24No, I can't.
06:25I'm just going to lay back.
06:30I'm just giving him a beatbox.
06:32Let's have a little bit of beatboxing for a minute.
06:34I need to be stood up, I think, actually.
06:40BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT
06:44BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOOT BOO
07:14Let my wish come true
07:17All I want for Christmas is you
07:22It's the season
07:24Love and understanding
07:27Merry Christmas, everyone
07:31Christmas time
07:34Mistletoe and wine
07:36Children singing Christmas
07:44That was Mariah Carey shaking Stevens and the smell of TCP on your dying grandma's skin, Cliff Richard
07:54Sophie's team, can you tell me which one of these Christmas legends has created an absolutely insane Christmas recipe
08:06Is it
08:07A. Cliff Richard has a special Christmas gravy that consists of eight stock cubes, two beef, two chicken, two lamb
08:14And two vegetable
08:15He tops it off with teriyaki sauce
08:17And Worcester sauce
08:18Along with some fried onions
08:20And if you think that sounds mad
08:21He freezes his jugs a bit
08:23So that his family don't miss out
08:25Oh
08:26Or is it
08:27B.
08:28Whilst appearing on a festive edition of Sunday Brunch
08:31Shaking Stevens made gingerbread iced with chicken liver pate
08:35He told Simon Rimmer
08:36The idea popped into my head
08:38Next thing you know I was slaughtering one of my hens
08:41When the panel tried Shakey's creation, got one dry heaved so hard they had to cut to a break
08:46Or was it C. In 2006, Mariah Carey revealed she makes seafood Christmas puddings
08:54I substitute the raisins for caviar, the candied peel for prawns and the brandy for tuna brine
09:00However, in 2024 she admitted she hadn't made one for years saying I'm in a much better place now mentally
09:07There you go Sophie's team, one of those incredibly is true
09:15Cliff sounds less weird now
09:17Yeah it does doesn't it
09:19Yeah
09:20So obviously you try and decipher what people are cooking by maybe like cultural heritage, right?
09:25Yeah
09:26That's what I'm looking at
09:27So Cliff Richard, is this uncle um, he's just straight up white uncle
09:31What?
09:32Sorry, I didn't expect to be asking this, do you know who Cliff Richard is?
09:36Yeah but, yeah I've seen him, he was the guy that was with the nice hair just now
09:41That's the guy with the nice hair
09:42So is he, because he looks a little bit like ambiguous, you get what I'm saying?
09:45Yeah he's got that David Dickerson tan
09:47Yeah
09:48Where you got like, you second look at him you go, hey wait a second
09:52Yeah, should I be saying, should I be saying, should I be saying hello uncle or hello uncle
09:56Like I don't
09:57To me that sounds the same
09:59Does it sound the same? Let me do it one more time
10:01Hello uncle, hello uncle
10:03There you go
10:04Yeah
10:05Wow, I could watch this all night
10:07Sorry, you're not sure what race Cliff Richard is?
10:11I don't think there's anyone more white than Cliff Richard
10:17What do you think?
10:18So Shakin Stephens made a gingerbread, I don't think he'd have done that, do you?
10:23Chicken pate
10:24I've met Shakin if it helps, I can give you some insight into his character
10:27Please do, yeah
10:28Yeah, he was pretty quiet
10:29Okay
10:30Thank you, that does actually help
10:33Because if he was quiet he would have made the bold choice of chicken liver pate with gingerbread
10:39Maybe you can rule it out based on that alone
10:41I'll rule it out, yeah
10:42Do you think Mariah Curry reveals she makes a seafood? I don't think she ever cooks
10:48Have you met Mariah? You must have met Mariah
10:51Yeah, I've worked with her
10:52Is she nice? Yeah, she's super cool, yeah
10:53Is she? Yeah
10:54I had a friend that had a bit of a, they had a bit of a beef
10:57Oh
10:58And I ended up like putting together and they're good friends now
11:00Is this someone famous? Yeah, it is
11:02Come on
11:03Come on
11:04Come on, bro
11:05Come on, mate
11:06Is it Cliff Richard?
11:07It is, for fuck's sake, it is
11:09God, tell us, Matt, we won't put it in the show
11:11Of course not, no, no
11:12Not my first rodeo, mate
11:13Just, just saying that
11:20Shall I give you some facts that might help you decide?
11:22Yeah
11:23Yep
11:24In an interview, Mariah was asked if she cooks her own Christmas dinner
11:27And she said this
11:28She said, I do and nobody believes me
11:31And in the same interview later, she admitted, well, I help
11:36And then a little bit further in the interview, she said, I do a bit of seasoning
11:43Jessie, you went to a lot of effort for Christmas once, didn't you?
11:46When I was pregnant, I was in LA and I didn't want to come home
11:50So I flew my family to me
11:52And the plumbing in LA houses isn't the best
11:55And there was a lot of food consumed, which meant there was a lot of toilet trips
12:00It was rough
12:01And basically, the burst pipes, there was literally, like, shit water
12:06Coming out of the floorboards
12:08What?
12:09Yeah
12:10Here's the story you were having Christmas Day but the house got full of shit
12:13Basically, yeah
12:14So basically
12:15Because honestly, the story they asked me to prompt was that you once went abroad on holiday and you took a suitcase full of stuffing
12:22They didn't mention a house being full of shit
12:24Oh, really?
12:25Oh, yeah, that's a different story
12:27Oh
12:28I mean, that is another story that I said, yeah
12:31I prefer the house full of shit one
12:33But yeah, I was so pregnant, I was just like, yeah, I know
12:36How many months?
12:37I was five and a half months, but everyone was like, she's about to drop
12:40And I was like, no, just over halfway
12:43Yeah
12:44See, I just had a big old baby
12:46Did you?
12:47Big as Greg
12:48Yeah
12:49Did you know in advance, they keep telling me I'm having a tall baby
12:53Well, my boyfriend's tall, so every scan he was just really long
12:57Yeah, that's what mine's dead long
12:58Yeah
12:59And his feet were stuck under my ribs
13:01I'm going to have a vagina like a basset hound
13:05I'm really
13:06I'll tell you, I'll tell you now
13:09This is probably TMI, but totally off, but just woman to woman, baby to baby
13:14Yeah
13:15So when I prepped for a natural birth, I did this thing called the epi-no where you put like a balloon in
13:19Yeah
13:20And then you blow it up to the size of a baby's head and you give birth to it like every night for like the three weeks before
13:26Sounds knacker in there
13:28So I did that, and then ended up having a c-section
13:31Oh
13:33So now I've got the most inappropriate party trick, it's just
13:37No, I'm sorry, you were putting a big balloon inside yourself and then birthing it every day
13:44Yeah
13:45Ba-la-la-la-la, ba-la-la-la-la
13:50What do you reckon? Let's get back to the question
13:52We're going to have to make a decision soon
13:54I think Cliff, just because it's the least weird.
13:57I'll just throw this in for you now, cos it might help you.
14:00Cliff Richard was born in India.
14:02So he was born in India? Yeah.
14:08So, what happened? If you're born in India,
14:10you just retain the tan for the rest of your life?
14:13He was born to two white parents.
14:16Well, that's what he thinks.
14:18Ah!
14:20Yeah.
14:22Let's get an answer. Is it Cliff's gravy?
14:24Urgh!
14:25LAUGHTER
14:29What do you say? Is it Cliff's gravy, Shakey's gingerbread pate
14:32or Mariah's seafood pudding?
14:34Sophie? Let's get some points on the board.
14:36You're saying Cliff, you're just quite fascinated by him being Indian.
14:41I'm just quite... Yeah. Cliff Richard.
14:43Here we go. It's got to be. Oh, my God, you're right!
14:46The answer's A!
14:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:50Cliff makes his own special disgusting gravy.
14:53Sophie's team, that's a point to you!
14:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:56The next question is for Noel's team. Take a look at this.
14:58MUSIC PLAYS
15:04CHOIR
15:04MUSIC PLAYS
15:07MUSIC PLAYS
15:09MUSIC PLAYS
15:10MUSIC PLAYS
15:12We want to know, ever and ever
15:15It's in the media, come along with me
15:18Step into the Christmas, I'm the only chance to scream
15:22APPLAUSE
15:23That was your friend's ugly baby, Elton John.
15:30But, Knowles team, can you tell me which of these stories led to Elton having the worst Christmas ever?
15:35Was it A. In 1979, while enjoying a festive buffet,
15:39Elton tried borsan cheese for the first time,
15:42starting a love affair that quickly became an addiction.
15:44He told NME,
15:46By the end of the year, I was eating 14 pucks a day.
15:49I wasn't even using crackers, I was just biting into them like an apple.
15:52LAUGHTER
15:55Or was it me?
15:56Elton went to the airport to pick up his lover, who was staying for Christmas.
16:00When Elton arrived, he found out that on the flight over,
16:02his boyfriend had decided that he wasn't gay and run off with the air hostess.
16:06Elton never saw his boyfriend again.
16:09LAUGHTER
16:10Or was it C.
16:11Whilst present shopping in Harvey Nicks,
16:13Elton got his head stuck in a £4,000 polar neck sweater.
16:17Writing in his autobiography, he said,
16:19I was so embarrassed, they had to cut me out with a pair of medical scissors,
16:22and then they expected me to pay for it.
16:24As I said at the time,
16:25is Elton John's head too big, or is your top too small?
16:29Chicken and egg, isn't it?
16:30LAUGHTER
16:31There you go. Your team.
16:33One of those is true.
16:34LAUGHTER
16:35I love that Borsan, it's a puck, is it, of Borsan?
16:39Well, that's what Elton claims.
16:41I mean, the image of him biting into it like an apple.
16:44God, I hope that's the truth.
16:46LAUGHTER
16:47I think it's B, just because I think that is the thing
16:49that would ruin your Christmas.
16:51Like, A, yeah, C's a bit embarrassing, but B, like, you know what I mean?
16:56I think, A, that's a...
16:57I think an addiction is shameful, like, 14 pucks.
17:00LAUGHTER
17:01That would ruin my day.
17:02Do you want to be reminded what Elton looks like?
17:04See if he looks like a man who'd eat cheese like an apple?
17:06Yeah. Here he is.
17:07Yeah.
17:08I'm like, yeah, he looks good.
17:10I love that picture.
17:11That's what my nan's face looked like when she found out
17:13that despite Brexit, we were still trading with Europe.
17:16LAUGHTER
17:18So I'll give you a few facts about Elton and then we'll make a decision.
17:27Throughout the 70s, Elton John and Rod Stewart
17:29used to try and outdo each other with Christmas gifts.
17:31One Christmas, Elton upstaged Rod Stewart massively.
17:34In an interview, Rod said...
17:48Oh, wow.
17:50Rembrandt.
17:51An actual Rembrandt painting by the artist Rembrandt.
17:54Fucking hell.
17:55I've never felt so stingy.
17:57Mad, innit?
17:58A Rembrandt painting.
17:59Yeah.
18:00Mad.
18:01That one of the guy eating a puck of cheese.
18:04Love that one.
18:05Let's make a decision, folks.
18:07What do you think, A, B or C?
18:09I like the idea that his head got stuck in a jumper.
18:12That'd be quite nice, wouldn't it?
18:13No.
18:14I don't think it's polo neck.
18:15We're not getting him cut out?
18:16Well, then it probably is polo neck.
18:17Can we mix the two?
18:18Could he not fit in the polo neck because of the cheese?
18:22That sodium will smile you up.
18:23You think there's a chance the answer's going to be A, C?
18:25Yeah, A, C.
18:26It could then be B because his boyfriend didn't come
18:28because he got so big from the cheese.
18:30Yeah.
18:31The answer is A, C, B.
18:34OK, so the answer is all of them.
18:37Elton's boyfriend decided he wasn't gay because Elton had eaten
18:42lots of cheese and got his head stuck in a jumper.
18:44Yeah.
18:46Send it up to the top, Greg.
18:48Yeah.
18:52We owe it to Borsan to say punks.
18:54I'm down for the cheese.
18:55Are you down for the cheese or are you saying B?
18:57I'm saying B, basically.
18:58I think it's B, but...
18:59We all think it's B, but we're going to say cheese anyway.
19:04I think it's B as well, but I think, weirdly...
19:06I'm going to say A for fun.
19:07We're going to just say A.
19:08Yeah, OK.
19:09You're wrong.
19:10The answer is B.
19:11Yes, A.
19:12APPLAUSE
19:15Elton's boyfriend apparently changed sexuality,
19:17ran off with an air hostess,
19:19and Elton said he's never heard from him again.
19:25Hard luck, Noel's team.
19:26Well done, Sophie's team.
19:27No points to Noel.
19:28One point to Sophie.
19:29Hooray!
19:35Time for a little break now.
19:36I'm just going to have a little sip on Cliff's gravy.
19:40That's not gravy!
19:42Welcome back to Nevermind the Buzzcocks' Christmas special,
19:55the show that, until one hour ago, had a joke about P. Diddy's secret Santa gift in it,
20:00which our legal team sent us the following email about.
20:03Please, 100% lose this!
20:06Six exclamation marks!
20:08Next up, it's the intros round.
20:10Here we go.
20:11Noel and Jessie, on your feet, please.
20:12You'll be performing the intro of a song to Jamali.
20:15Song one, take it away.
20:17Ah!
20:18Ah!
20:19Ah!
20:20Ah!
20:21Ah!
20:22Ah!
20:23Ah!
20:24Ah!
20:25Ah!
20:26Ah!
20:27Ah!
20:28Ah!
20:29Ah!
20:30Ah!
20:31Ah!
20:32I can't remember the note now.
20:33Ah!
20:46Ah!
20:47Ah!
20:48I can't pass this over!
20:49Ah!
20:50It's the worst I've ever heard a song ever!
20:52Jamali, I'm going to give you one last kiss.
20:53I'm going to pass it over.
20:55Yeah, pass it.
20:56Okay.
20:57Rockin around the Christmas tree!
20:59That is right!
21:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:04It was Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee,
21:07and here's how it should have sounded.
21:17That was Brenda Lee with Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.
21:19Brenda Lee once said...
21:25She did not say that, but you try and find a funny Brenda Lee quote.
21:29Next song, please. Song 2, take it away.
21:32Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum...
21:40Oh, that was shit.
21:46Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh...
21:48Yeah, there you go.
21:50Daa-dum-dum...
21:51Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum....
21:53BUMP BADAM!
21:55BUMP BADAM!
21:57LAUGHTER
21:59Jamali.
22:01Something about a sleigh? Yes.
22:03What about a sleigh?
22:05Santa's sleigh. What do you do on a sleigh?
22:07Flying on the sleigh. No.
22:09There's a snowman next to me on the sleigh.
22:11You've got... I'm going to tell you,
22:13you've got the word sleigh right, and if you don't get it this time,
22:15I'm passing it over. Ah, fucking...
22:17sleigh swimming?
22:19LAUGHTER
22:21I don't know, it's just swimming.
22:23I don't... Happy Christmas, everyone.
22:25Sleigh swimming.
22:27Sleigh, I'm passing it over.
22:29Sleigh bells ringing. Wrong.
22:31You're both wrong, it was Sleigh Ride by the Ronettes.
22:33Here's how it should have sounded.
22:35MUSIC PLAYS
22:51That was Sleigh Ride by the Ronettes, which was included on the album,
22:55A Christmas Gift For You from Phil Spector,
22:57which sounds a lot nicer than the Christmas gift I got from him one year.
23:01I wanted Lego Phil, what the hell am I supposed to do with a corpse?
23:05OK.
23:07LAUGHTER
23:09Well done, you guessed.
23:11Nort, correct!
23:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:15All right.
23:17Sophie and Matt, it's your turn to perform to Guz.
23:19Song one. Take it away.
23:21MUSIC PLAYS
23:40That's the one.
23:43You must have it.
23:45You must have it. It's so obvious.
23:47I think Sophie's doing Last Night at the Proms.
23:49Yeah.
23:50Matt's doing the song, though.
23:52What is it, is it like, erm, like Knight Rider?
23:54No, that's what you...
23:56I tell you what, it does sound like Knight Rider.
23:59But that's what was in my head.
24:00Do you know, I'm going to pass it over.
24:01I'm going to say Knight Rider.
24:03Ba-dub-ba-dub-ba-dub-dub, Knight Rider.
24:06It's definitely not Knight Rider.
24:08It's Uncle Bro. It's Uncle Bro.
24:11Oh, it's so there in my head. It's a Baywatch.
24:13Listen, you're both wrong.
24:14It was The Waitresses with Christmas Wrapping.
24:17Oh, fuck.
24:18Let's hear how it should have sounded.
24:19MUSIC PLAYS
24:33That was Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses.
24:35In 2015, Kylie Minogue covered the song with Iggy Pop.
24:39Well, she thought it was Iggy Pop.
24:41It turned out to be an old dog chew from behind her sofa
24:43that absolutely hulked.
24:44LAUGHTER
24:45Next song, please.
24:46If this one is Knight Rider, I'm going to shit on the stage.
24:49LAUGHTER
24:51This is good.
25:01This sounds like the song.
25:03It's Knight Rider again, huh?
25:08You're not going to get this.
25:10You're not going to get this.
25:11This guitar riff by Matt Goss is absolutely bang on.
25:14Do-do-do-do-do.
25:15Nope.
25:16No?
25:17No?
25:18You Can't See Me by Tupac Shakur.
25:20LAUGHTER
25:21Close.
25:22Close.
25:23Close.
25:24So, so close.
25:25I'll pass it over.
25:26Yeah.
25:27He just went, is it the one with the crack head in it?
25:30LAUGHTER
25:32What are you talking about?
25:33Shane McGowan.
25:34Yeah, Shane McGowan, yeah.
25:35LAUGHTER
25:36It's not the one with the crack head in it.
25:38You know?
25:39No, no, no.
25:40It's Knight Rider.
25:41I wish it were Knight Rider.
25:43You're both wrong.
25:44It's Christmas time of the darkness.
25:46Here's how it should have sounded.
25:47That was Christmas time by the darkness.
26:01Justin Hawkins once said,
26:02I think the more successful you are, the bigger your hair gets.
26:06And he's right.
26:07That's why the Jackson 5 was so successful.
26:09Well, it was their hair and their dad beating them with a stick.
26:12LAUGHTER
26:13Yep.
26:14I know.
26:15Sophie's team.
26:16Hooray!
26:17Nought!
26:18Correct!
26:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:20At the end of that round,
26:21Noel's team have no points, but Sophie's team have two points.
26:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:28The next game is called...
26:35And it's a game all about the weird, isolated bits in songs
26:38released at Christmas time.
26:40We're going to play five sounds from five songs,
26:43and all you need to do as teams is to name the songs
26:45that the strange sounds come from.
26:47You get a point for each one you name correctly.
26:49Noel's team, you're up first.
26:51Here is your mash-up.
26:53Listen to this.
26:54I think that's surfing USA.
27:09Is that Teletubbies or Mr Blobby?
27:11I say Mr Blobby.
27:13Well...
27:14I think it's Mr Blobby.
27:15Well, I'll tell you now.
27:16Correct.
27:17One point.
27:18Yes.
27:19So, Mr Blobby.
27:20Yeah.
27:21Last Christmas.
27:22Er...
27:23No.
27:24No?
27:25Can we have it one more time?
27:26Yeah.
27:27One more time.
27:34That's surfing in the USA, is it?
27:36That's it.
27:37Yee-haw!
27:40What was that till?
27:42Sound of the Underground.
27:44Correct.
27:45Two points.
27:46Surfing in the USA?
27:47No.
27:48Oh.
27:49I'm out.
27:50That's all we got.
27:51OK, two.
27:52I'll pass it over.
27:53Some extra points here.
27:54Sound of the Underground.
27:55They've already got that one.
27:56All right, sorry.
27:57All right.
27:58Wish it could be Christmas.
28:00Correct.
28:01Yeah.
28:02For a stolen point.
28:03Yeah.
28:04You've got one.
28:05No, er...
28:06You all right?
28:07What's the difference?
28:08I thought I...
28:09I thought I just had a stroke.
28:11Er...
28:12Er...
28:13No, is it, erm...
28:14Cat amongst the pigeons?
28:15No?
28:16Oh.
28:17Sound of the Underground.
28:18We did have another one.
28:19If anyone else says Sound of the Underground.
28:20What...
28:21What about, erm...
28:23That...
28:24That DJ spin?
28:25Was it...?
28:26No, no, no.
28:27Boom, boom, shake, shake the room...
28:28That's what I was thinking.
28:29Because that starts with a...
28:30What that...
28:31That's Sound of the Underground.
28:32That's Sound of the Underground.
28:33What one did you... What did you get that we took?
28:37LAUGHTER
28:40Shall we end this? Yeah. OK.
28:42So, the full list is...
28:44Wizard, I wish it could be Christmas Every Day.
28:46Mr Blobby by Mr Blobby.
28:48Band-Aid, do they know it's Christmas?
28:50I can't believe you didn't pick Boy George out.
28:53Girls Allowed, The Sound of the Underground.
28:55I think we've established. We got that one.
28:58And the final one was South Park with Mr Hankey, The Christmas Pooh.
29:01Well done! Noel's team got two points!
29:05And Sophie's team picked up a bonus point!
29:09Yes! Yay!
29:11It's quite argy, aren't it?
29:13All right. Sophie's team, your turn. Here's your mash-up.
29:16It's...
29:18MUSIC PLAYS
29:28Here I will do what you tell me.
29:30there you go you get the guesses first so the first one yeah i've lost my brain
29:35let's twist again one of them do you want to hear it again no no um oh
29:38fuck something's happened do you want to hear it again sorry so do you say
29:43fuck something's happened yeah yeah something i was i had three then okay
29:47hear it again yeah god
30:00no idea is that i think this baby brain thing is actually real you'll be all right
30:05um genuinely um yeah fucking whitney houston sings um uh what does she sing so i will
30:13always love you correct one point um and then we went to matt any matt but that's
30:21but i thought it was that i thought it was a twist again but it isn't it it's not you just kept saying
30:25that's at me no but is it sorry it was a bomb bomb bomb that's a christmas number
30:33guzz i'm just a bit concerned for sophie's general welfare to be honest yeah yeah
30:38fuck you i won't do what you tell me bloody hell yeah that one what's the song called oh
30:44uh oh fucking um um it was it was a christmas number one do you need a cup of tea sophie
30:52no you don't don't song it's that's it over greg i won't do what you tell me okay
30:57hash it over gregory um you've got i will always love you that points in the back all right
31:04is it killing in the name of it is killing in the name of
31:10is it the frog song paul mccartney the frog crazy frog the frog chorus it is the frog chorus
31:17yes you've got two left and then it's their rate petite yes it is rate petite yeah
31:29you've only got one missing i know is it the one or did you get that no that's really
31:33petite it's not crazy fog no you're not gonna get it okay i'll tell you who they all were
31:40it was whitney houston i will always love you sophie's team got that yeah rage against the
31:44machine killing in the name of no seeing like that bob the builder's the one you all missed
31:49can we fix it jackie wilson rate petite paul mccartney the frog chorus yeah so sophie's team got one
31:56point and noel's team got three points at the end of that round sophie's team have four points noel's team
32:07have five points time for a quick break i've just got to pop off and wrap my niece's christmas present
32:26welcome back to never mind the buscox christmas special you want another legal note don't you
32:37this is a genuine quote from our lawyer i can't find any record of christopher doing drugs
32:42i know it's a fake anecdote but please lose the bit about him being on the gag again
32:47after christmas our next round is called it's behind you a game celebrating the christmas tradition
32:55of panto noel's team you're playing first everyone please make your way to the game area
33:08all right noel's team behind you there is a pop star who is appearing in panto this christmas
33:13each of sophie's team is going to tell you who it is but two of them will be lying it is your job to
33:19work out who is telling the truth for the audience at home please look away now if you don't want to
33:24know who it is as i reveal the panto star okay because who is behind the curtain this is a lady called fey
33:38from steps sophie who is behind the curtain lee ryan matt who is behind the curtain toil wilcox why
33:50have they all said it like the person's died
33:55is lee ryan the blonde hair one from blue yes was he saying something vaguely racist
33:59did you did he say sorry no no no no no he's a good guy
34:08yeah i like him but he's a good guy um what was what was lee ryan wearing he was in costume and he
34:15had his winkle pickers on was he dressed as an elf no i think he was somebody who was in jack and the
34:21beanstalk probably was toya there toya was there yeah um how tall is she she's probably
34:28five foot two i think she she's wearing fishnets and high boots yeah you lying absolutely
34:40oh my god that was a good bluff that was good because what character is fey playing fey from steps
34:48is made marion in robin hood so what was she wearing like made marion clothes like you know
34:56you know they were long sleeves and that medieval shit yeah medieval shit and she had shoes on and
35:02stuff i don't know i don't believe you all right
35:11he's lying so much and he's pretending so much that it's not his one guys could be telling the truth
35:17that's what i think i think you're telling the truth before you said i was lying no but i mean in a
35:21sense of double bluffing like you're making it seem like you don't know but you do to tell you the
35:26truth i didn't even know this show was about music so don't take what i say seriously i don't really
35:30know what's happening i've got five kids at home i didn't tell my wife i was leaving the house i'm in a
35:35lot of trouble when i go it could be toya you know have you met toya before i've met her so many times
35:43and you said she's how how tall five two ish he seemed like a man who would know a woman's height
35:50just by looking he could really just what character is she playing huss in puss in boots i think it's
36:00funny he said puss i might have to go with that funny word it's a funny word it's a great word
36:07now i think whose was yours again lee ryan yes yeah yeah i hope not because i said that thing
36:13at the beginning yeah that's gonna be awkward all right now now it's time to decide that i'm going
36:22with guys that's me yeah i think it is yeah all right we'll go faye with from lovely all right let's
36:27see if you're right will our panto star please step through the curtain
36:31yeah all right all right yeah very good thank you how are you all right merry christmas merry christmas
36:55to you as well yeah you're in pantomime already we're going through to the um first of february
37:00in uh birmingham at the hip dome wow yeah get sparkly and fun for christmas what a welcome
37:06christmas edition faye from steps yes robin hood robin hood is till the first of february
37:22can i say matt goss was amazing he was great i knew it was fey tozer and i started to think it might
37:28be toyer okay sophie's team's turn so if you could swap places teams good luck kids
37:36for the audience at home please look away if you don't want to know who it is
37:45knowles team starting with jamali please tell us who is behind the curtain it's bez from happy mondays
37:52playing widow tranky in aladdin and can i say before i go further my god i hope that's true
38:03noel who's behind the curtain it's terry from east 17 and he's playing buttons in cinderella
38:10i see that jesse who's behind the curtain um it's kelly from eternal she's playing the fairy in sleeping
38:17beauty you read that really really badly which means you're lying did i oh she did it quite well
38:23yeah you did no you because you you're really quick yeah yeah she might just read badly
38:30are you ruling out bats from the happy mondays yeah yeah i am sadly yeah yeah i'm ruling it out
38:37why are you ruling out what's wrong with you is he all right i don't know i just can't that's a good
38:41point actually what part would he play in a pennant man um widow twanky
38:48you saw him at the back actually yeah you did and i said to him i said oh you're playing
38:52widow twanky and he went oh yeah yeah mad for it yeah mad for it i think it's terry for me 17.
38:58buttons and cinderella he had sort of a military outfit with big different colored buttons on it
39:03what color buttons was yeah i think it was yellow red and blue so you called that all in one go
39:09well i just noticed the buttons because the outfit is sort of like a maroon and then there's like
39:14a maroon and yellow yellow yellow blue a detective show called goss sounds great
39:21it's just him slapping people going slake i'm on your team you're making me want to say no
39:30j j who who who was your person again kelly from eternal and she's no no
39:35fairy and sleeping beauty right what was she wearing a blue dress and she had a wand i think
39:41we should go with kelly just tell me just tell me the truth i'm your captain i think you should
39:45i trust your instinct i'm sorry there's a whole thing going on here with good
39:50girls whispering to jamaali just tell me the truth i'm your boy
39:53you're saying it's jessie j and she knows the truth the person behind the curtain is
40:10kelly from eternal kelly from eternal let's see if you're right will our panto star please step out
40:16oh
40:34jessie was telling the truth apart from the dress bit that was my favorite song going on angel
40:41of mine it's a good alpha that's right when i first saw i already knew yeah come on that there was
40:48something inside of you oh such a good song something i thought i'd never find angel of mine
41:01i love it i don't want to spoil that but can we do it again with sophie beatboxing
41:12jessie was telling the truth and you can catch kelly at the floral pavilion in new brighton
41:17playing fairy snowfall in sleeping beauty until the 4th of january thank you kelly
41:22whoo goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye goodbye join me
41:35and at the end of that round sophie's team have five points and noel's team have six points
41:42so far final round it's time for next lines noel's team your time starts now have yourself a
41:49merry christmas let your heart be light have yourself a merry little christmas let your heart
41:54be light from now on all your troubles there we go from now on all your troubles will be outside
41:59frank sinatra have yourself a merry little christmas old mr crinkle is soon gonna jingle
42:04soon gonna jingle the bells that'll tingle all your troubles away yes jesse jay the man with the bag
42:12christmas time mistletoe and wine children screaming christian
42:17christian ryan cliff richard mistletoe and wine it'll be lonely this christmas without you to
42:25hold it's shaking stevens no it'll be lonely this christmas without you to hold it'll be lonely this
42:34christmas without you i'll give it you lonely and cold mud lonely this christmas i see a little
42:41silhouette of a man will you do the fun yes queen bohemian absentee it's the sound of the underground
42:48it's the sound of the underground breathe petite the finest girl you ever gonna meet the beat the
42:55beat of the drum goes round and round girls allowed sound of the underground oh wow not bad not bad
43:03the beat of the drum goes round it's really hard to hear the new lyrics in fact all right well done
43:08nil's team you've got four points circus team you've got to get six right to win right here we go
43:15you ready yeah your time starts now baby if you've got to go away don't think i can take the pain
43:22stay now stay now stay stay you know yes will you stay another day he's 17 stay another day when will
43:30i will i be famous oh i can't answer that bros when will i be famous when will i see my picture
43:38in the paper i can't answer that correct bros when will i be famous welcome to my christmas song
43:47elton welcome to my christmas song i'd like to thank you for the year elton john stepping to
43:54christmas bob the builder can we fix it yes yes we can yes we can bob the builder yes we can we can
44:00fix it i really can't stay but maybe it's cold outside i have to go yeah yeah yeah i have to get
44:09home i've got it it's not right me turn me on i've got to go away dean martin baby it's cold
44:24that sound means it's the end of the round and the end of the show and i can tell you that sophie's
44:31team have nine points but with 10 points our winners tonight are noel's team thanks to jesse j
44:44noel jamali guzz sophie and matt it's 40 years this year since live aid so we've done our best to
44:52recreate do they know it's christmas this was our plan ask your original singers to take part if any
44:58of them say no we'll replace them with professional tribute acts see if you can work out who we've had
45:03to replace happy christmas good night
45:14it's christmas time christmas christmas there's no need to be afraid don't be afraid at christmas time
45:25in the christmas time in the christmas time we let light in and we banish the shade
45:30banish him banish him
45:33a plenty we can spread a smile of joy throw your arms around the world at christmas time
45:44and pray for the other one at christmas time
45:56it's hard but when you're having fun there's a world outside your window and it's a world of dread and fear
46:10of dreading fear well tonight thank god it's them instead of you
46:24christmas for everyone do they know it's christmas time
46:29and be the world let them know it's christmas time
46:37and be the world let them know it's christmas time
46:51and be the world let them know it's christmas time
47:05and be the world let them know it's christmas time
47:11so
47:22so
47:27so
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