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Tv, Mind Your Language - S01 - E03 - A Fate Worse Than Death
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00:00To be continued...
00:30To be continued...
01:00To be continued...
01:29Okay, who's the next?
01:32Giovanni.
01:33How we know answers are right?
01:36Sure answers are right.
01:37My landlady's little boy writes them down.
01:39Oh, there you go.
01:41Oh, there you go.
01:41Oh, there you go.
01:42Oh, there you go.
01:43Oh, there you go.
01:44Quiet.
01:46Quiet, please.
01:48Now, where is Mr. Brown?
01:49Mr. Brown not alive.
01:51Oh, this is too bad.
01:52He should be here.
01:54You want to give Mr. Brown a massage?
01:59I presume you mean message?
02:01Collect.
02:02No, thank you.
02:04No, I shall wait until he arrives.
02:07It will give me an opportunity to find out how much you have learnt.
02:10Which is precious little, I suspect.
02:11But, madame, we learn a lot from Mr. Brown.
02:15Quiet now.
02:16Quiet, quiet.
02:19Very well.
02:21Let's see if we can find out how much you've learnt from Mr. Brown.
02:24Can anyone give me a sentence containing the word, uh, catalyst?
02:29Catalyst.
02:29Why, catalyst?
02:30Well, come along, somebody.
02:32Catalyst.
02:34For favor, senora.
02:35Yes?
02:36In my country, Spain, most of the people are Roman catalysts.
02:47I don't believe it.
02:50That's not right.
02:51No?
02:52Italy's a much bigger catalyst country.
02:55No!
02:55It's fine now.
02:57It's fine now.
02:58It's fine now.
02:59It's fine now.
03:01It's fine now.
03:02It's fine now.
03:05Quiet, please.
03:07Good evening, Miss Courtney.
03:09It's almost goodnight.
03:10Yeah, well, I'm sorry I'm late.
03:11I was detained at the paper shop.
03:13Mr. Brown, I know the times are hard, but do you have to deliver newspapers?
03:16Oh, no, no, no.
03:17I bought them.
03:18They're for the students as part of their education.
03:20Well, they certainly need some education.
03:22Yes.
03:24Well, good evening.
03:24What is that?
03:25Ah, that.
03:27Oh.
03:28Squeeze me, please.
03:29I'm just this moment arriving.
03:31Squeeze me again.
03:32I go.
03:33What?
03:34Hey, Ali.
03:36Hey.
03:37Ah.
03:38I come back.
03:39Yes.
03:40Are you moving house?
03:42Oh, not at all.
03:43I'm coming here straight from work.
03:46Oh, you've got a job.
03:47Yes, please.
03:48I'm a travelling sailman.
03:49I go around nicking the doors.
03:53Knocking.
03:54That is correct.
03:55What are you selling?
03:56Oh, blimey, everything.
03:57For a master or a mistress.
03:59I'll show you some example.
04:01Maybe you will be wanting to buy something.
04:02No, thanks.
04:07I don't think that's my size.
04:08I'm so sorry, please.
04:09This case is for the lady people's only.
04:11Oh, jeez.
04:12And this case is for the men people.
04:15And everything very cut price.
04:17Ah, look this, please.
04:19You don't have to be tying it.
04:21And also, if you are dropping soup, you'll be wiping it off.
04:28It's jolly good plastic.
04:29Yes, very ingenious.
04:31Only £1.50.
04:33You're wanting one?
04:34No, thanks.
04:35I'm telling you what I'm doing.
04:38To you, only one pound.
04:40Yeah, I don't want one.
04:41Oh.
04:42How about a jolly good shirt?
04:44Ah, it is guaranteed 100% substandard.
04:49No, thank you.
04:51Ali, you got any socks?
04:53Plenty socks.
04:5550p only.
04:56Plenty woolly?
04:57Yeah, Ali.
04:58Ah, excuse, I'm serving.
04:59Okay.
05:01I have two.
05:02Right.
05:03One, two.
05:05Money, money, money.
05:06Ah, now, tell me.
05:08Anybody wanting any under trousers?
05:11All different colours.
05:12How much?
05:13Only 50p.
05:14Ali, please.
05:16Ah, you are wanting one.
05:17I'm finding a very good pair.
05:18Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, lovely, lovely red, white and blue.
05:24Just like Union Jack.
05:27Very patriotic, but no, thank you.
05:29Have you any scarf?
05:31Most definitely.
05:33For you, only one pound.
05:35Made in Hong Kong.
05:36Hong Kong?
05:37I don't buy from Capitari State where workers exploit it as cheap labor.
05:42Oh.
05:42Ah, anybody else wanting something else?
05:45Ali, please.
05:46Ah.
05:46You are exchanging your money.
05:48No, I'm not.
05:49Put your suitcase away.
05:50Ah, this is not petticoat.
05:52They just sit down, everybody.
05:54Come on.
05:55Juan, Taro, sit down.
05:57All right, before we do anything else this evening, I want to find a monitor.
06:02Okay.
06:03You tell us where to look, we find the one.
06:06Oh, Giovanni, a monitor is a person who can take charge of the class during my absence.
06:10Somebody intelligent enough to assume responsibility.
06:14On second thoughts, perhaps it's not such a good idea after all.
06:16Please.
06:17I think I'm making good monitor.
06:19I think we'll alternate, have a different one each week.
06:22It'll be good experience for you.
06:23Right, Anna, we'll start with you.
06:27If you'll just hand these round and collect the homework.
06:30Yeah.
06:30Yes, Anna.
06:31Yes.
06:32And from now on, I want to hear no more foreign languages spoken in this class.
06:36From the moment you come in here, you speak English all the time.
06:39Is that understood?
06:40Ha, shanin.
06:41Ha, ha.
06:42Por favor.
06:43No, por favor.
06:44Por favor, finito.
06:46English only.
06:47So right.
06:48Yes.
06:48Thank you, Anna.
06:50Now, have you all got a newspaper?
06:52Yes, sir.
06:52Yes.
06:53Right.
06:53Well, I'm going to ask you each to read out a passage from the newspaper, and then we'll
06:57discuss it together, okay?
06:58Max, you start us off.
07:04American Embassy bugged.
07:10No, Max.
07:11Bugged.
07:13Hey.
07:14My boss, he all the time says he's bugged.
07:16Yes.
07:17So that may be so, Giovanni, but the word we're dealing with is bugged.
07:23Now, read it again, Max, correctly.
07:25American Embassy bugged.
07:29Good.
07:29Good.
07:30Now, does anybody know what that means?
07:31Ah, tarot.
07:33Tarot.
07:40It means, American Embassy full of little insects.
07:48Now, tarot, they're not that sort of bugs.
07:50Listening devices.
07:51Tomila, can you read something from your newspaper?
07:55Yeah, read.
07:55Follow me?
07:55Yeah, read something.
07:58No, no, not like it.
08:02Ha.
08:04Ed P.
08:06Yes, well, that's the start.
08:08Whatever.
08:09Um.
08:10Late again, Ranji.
08:14Oh, Mr. Teacher, I am apologizing most humbly.
08:17Yes, well, perhaps next week you'll try and get here on time.
08:20I'm thinking next week I'm not being here at all.
08:23Well, you're leaving us.
08:25I'm going to be joining honorable ancestors.
08:28So, you mean you're going to die, eh?
08:31Most definitely.
08:32I'm going to die by my own hand.
08:35Please.
08:37If you're wanting any assistance, I'm happy to be helping.
08:44I thought you didn't like Sikhs.
08:46That is why I'm happy to be helping.
08:49All right, Ali, this is no laughing matter.
08:52I think Ranjit is serious.
08:53Most certainly I am.
08:54Well, why are you thinking of killing yourself?
08:56I'm forced to be getting married.
08:58Oh, you randy old chapati.
09:02You are putting some innocent lady in the pudding club.
09:06You're a nutty of a certain Muslim tweet.
09:08All right, that'll do.
09:09Look, I don't understand, Ranjit.
09:10Why are you being forced to get married?
09:13According to the Sikh tradition,
09:15I was betrothed when I was 12 to Surinder,
09:18the 10-year-old daughter of the best friend of my father.
09:23She was a beautiful girl,
09:26with hair like silk,
09:27eyes like black diamonds,
09:30and a figure like a tender bamboo shoot.
09:33And now her father is saying,
09:35it is time for me to be marrying her.
09:37Well, if she's got eyes like black diamonds,
09:39hair like silk,
09:40and a figure like a tender bamboo shoot,
09:41what are you complaining about?
09:43Blimey, that was 20 years ago.
09:45Now she is putting on so much weight
09:47that from behind,
09:48she's looking like an elephant.
09:51Matter of fact,
09:52she's looking like an elephant from front also.
09:56Can't you just tell her that you've changed your mind?
09:58Not at all.
09:59Only lady can change mine.
10:01I am up the creek without a poodle.
10:05In a paddle.
10:07You not do it.
10:08It's a sin to kill yourself.
10:10It's the only cause which is left open to me.
10:13When you do this killing yourself?
10:16Tonight.
10:18Can we come and watch?
10:20This is ridiculous.
10:21People don't go around killing themselves
10:22rather than break off an engagement.
10:24But it is my religion.
10:25In that case,
10:26why don't you marry?
10:27That would be worse than killing myself.
10:29Well, go and sit down.
10:30We'll discuss whether you kill yourself
10:31or not during the tea break.
10:32No.
10:33Would you all look at your new...
10:34There is an Indian lady in my office
10:36who wishes to speak to Mr. Ranjit Singh.
10:40Excuse me, Missy.
10:41This lady,
10:42is she resembling an elephant?
10:45I wouldn't exactly put it like that,
10:47but she's rather large.
10:48Blimey, please surrender.
10:50Yeah, well,
10:50ask her to come along here, Miss Courtney, would you?
10:52That's very irregular.
10:53Yeah, well, it is rather important.
10:55Very well,
10:55but don't make a habit of it.
10:58What are you doing that for?
10:59Oh, so we can talk to her,
11:00perhaps make her see reason.
11:01It's not anywhere possible.
11:03I kill myself.
11:05Come on, put to the match, Giovanni.
11:06Hold his up.
11:08Where is he?
11:09He's not here yet.
11:10Ah, I wait for him in the corridor.
11:14He is promised to me,
11:16and I swear by holy guru,
11:18he is having me.
11:21He's not here yet.
11:24He's not here yet.
11:25He's not here yet.
11:25He's not here yet.
11:26Ah, I wait for him in the corridor.
11:27He's promised to me,
11:29and I swear by holy guru,
11:30he is having me.
11:33Well, what am I telling you?
11:42Yes, I quite see your point about an elephant.
11:46Still, don't worry, Ranjit.
11:47I'm sure some elephants are very nice.
11:49Can I have a knife back, please?
11:50Promise you won't kill yourself.
11:52Promise?
11:53Killing myself is not going to help me.
11:55It's the attitude.
11:56Are you a much better idea?
11:59I kill her!
12:00No!
12:00No!
12:00You're still there.
12:26Yes, I'm still here.
12:29I really think you ought to go home.
12:30No, I wait for Ranjit.
12:33Well, I don't think Ranjit will be coming tonight.
12:36I wait.
12:44Is she being out in the corridor?
12:46Yeah, I'm afraid so, Ranjit.
12:48Look, Miss Courtney is not going to be very pleased
12:49when she finds out about this.
12:51Oh, dearie me, what am I going to be doing?
12:53Well, can't you just tell her
12:54you're not going to marry her?
12:55But I am not going to be marrying Miss Courtney.
12:59I am referring to surrender.
13:02Oh, no.
13:03If I am telling her that,
13:05she's surely going to kill me.
13:06Ah, you said you were going to kill yourself.
13:09That is correct.
13:10Yes.
13:11Please don't.
13:12In my country,
13:13personal commuter
13:15here are hearing.
13:17It is custom for best friend
13:19to be presental
13:21to chop off head.
13:24Chop off head?
13:25Hi.
13:30I will be happy
13:31to assist her.
13:33You will do nothing?
13:34Nothing of the sort.
13:35Oh, no, no.
13:36Now, please, everybody, just sit down.
13:38You're here to learn English.
13:39We've had enough disruption for one night.
13:40You should leave your personal problems at home.
13:42Now, look at your newspapers.
13:44Juan, read out a headline.
13:46Por favor.
13:47The newspaper.
13:48Ah, sí.
13:50El newspaper.
13:51Yeah, but read something out.
13:53Ah.
13:54Eh, vamos a ver.
13:57Vamos a ver.
13:58In Chris
13:59in London
14:01rats.
14:06London rats?
14:08Sí.
14:09In Chris
14:09in London rats.
14:13Rates.
14:16Eh, eh, eh, eh.
14:20Eh, eh, perdón, perdón.
14:23Yeah, Anna, your turn.
14:26Western world welcomes
14:28wind of change.
14:32Wonderful.
14:33Ah, very good.
14:35Yeah, Danielle.
14:36Prime minister sold a pup.
14:45Good.
14:46Now, that is a very good example
14:48of a figure of speech.
14:49Prime minister sold a pup.
14:51Can you tell me what that means, Giovanni?
14:54He's buying a dog.
14:57No, it's a figure of speech.
14:59Look, let me give you another example.
15:00Prime minister sold a dummy.
15:02Do you know what that means?
15:03Sure.
15:04Do you understand it?
15:05Yeah.
15:06It's just one thing I don't understand.
15:08Does he buy the dummy before
15:10or after he buy the pup?
15:14He doesn't buy anything.
15:16Ah, the newspaper man's a big liar.
15:20A figure of speech.
15:22I told you it's just a figure of speech.
15:23It doesn't mean what it says.
15:25Typical of imperial politicians
15:27who distort luth
15:28and suppress working classes.
15:31A figure of speech
15:32is a way of expressing an idea
15:33by way of contrast or comparison.
15:35If you're being sold a pup
15:36or sold a dummy,
15:38you're being cheated or deceived.
15:39In England,
15:40we use figures of speech quite a lot.
15:42For example, we say,
15:42as quick as lightning,
15:44as light as a feather,
15:45as clean as a whistle,
15:46as blind as a...
15:47Sully?
15:48As blind as a bat.
15:49Good.
15:50Because bats cannot see.
15:52Max,
15:52as deaf as a...
15:54Postman.
15:56LAUGHTER
15:56Now, Max, post.
16:02Because posts cannot hear.
16:04Neither can my postman.
16:07Ali.
16:09As sly as a...
16:11Sikh.
16:13Fox.
16:14Ranjeet.
16:15As mad as a...
16:17Muslim.
16:19Atta.
16:20Tarot.
16:21As drunk as a...
16:22Newton.
16:24Yeah, well, Lord is more correct.
16:27Jamila.
16:27As white as...
16:29You.
16:29Yeah.
16:31Snow.
16:33Ali.
16:34As smooth as...
16:38Baby's bottoms.
16:40LAUGHTER
16:41All right, we'll break for tea now
16:42and continue with the newspapers
16:44when we come back, all right?
16:46Please.
16:47How am I going to be getting out
16:49without being observed by the fat one?
16:51LAUGHTER
16:51Well, that's your problem.
16:53My problem is how to get her off the premises
16:54before Miss Courtney finds her.
16:56Oh...
16:57LAUGHTER
16:58Look, I...
17:01I really think you ought to go home.
17:03No.
17:04I stay.
17:06What is going on?
17:08What is going on?
17:10What is going on?
17:11Um...
17:12Yes, well, I'm talking to this lady.
17:14Why is she here?
17:15Well, she's talking to me.
17:17Why is she sitting in the corridor?
17:19Why is she sitting in the corridor?
17:20Must you repeat everything I say?
17:22LAUGHTER
17:22I could have sworn that woman wasn't pregnant yesterday.
17:42LAUGHTER
17:43You're safe now.
17:48Thank you, Javila.
17:54What do you do now?
17:59Maybe I jump out of the window.
18:00You'd be lucky.
18:02We're on the third floor.
18:03Oh!
18:05Mr Brown, I have a feeling
18:06that something very peculiar is going on.
18:08No, no, everything's perfectly all right,
18:10I can assure you.
18:11Are you going?
18:12Yes.
18:13Ah.
18:13To get a cup of tea.
18:18LAUGHTER
18:18LAUGHTER
18:19I want a cup of tea.
18:23Oh, blimey, just do it.
18:24LAUGHTER
18:25Ah.
18:27That was sounding like my Ranjit.
18:30Where is he now?
18:31I told you he's not here.
18:32But...
18:32Excuse me, dearie.
18:34Huh?
18:34Are you looking for the darky fellow
18:36with the beard
18:37and the bandage round his head?
18:39What, certainly?
18:40Here.
18:40He's just gone behind those curtains.
18:42LAUGHTER
18:43Come out, Ranjit.
18:53I am knowing you are there.
18:56Come out.
18:57LAUGHTER
18:58LAUGHTER
19:00LAUGHTER
19:02LAUGHTER
19:04LAUGHTER
19:05LAUGHTER
19:06LAUGHTER
19:07LAUGHTER
19:08LAUGHTER
19:10What is the meaning of this?
19:23I am noticing windows very dirty,
19:25so I'm cleaning them for you.
19:26I like very much cleaning windows.
19:28In the pitch dark.
19:30Now, come in off that window ledge at once.
19:33More certainly.
19:34More certainly.
19:38A thousand apologies.
19:41No.
19:46LAUGHTER
19:47Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19:49Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19:51I feel like that.
19:53Yeah, well, hurry up, cos tea breaks nearly up.
19:55I am nearly...
19:56Yeah, well, go on, man.
19:57I am going to enjoy my ancestors.
19:59Don't keep them waiting too long.
20:01Bye-bye, everybody.
20:02Bye-bye.
20:03I'm doing it now.
20:05So we keep saying.
20:06This is it then.
20:08Come on, hurry up.
20:16Maybe I may have a cup of coffee before I do it.
20:19Yes, yes.
20:20Ranjit, we all know you haven't the slightest intention of killing yourself,
20:23so put your knife away and let's discuss this properly.
20:26Now, Surinder, as I understand it, you and Ranjit here were both betrothed when they were children.
20:31Most definitely.
20:32Now he's not wanting to marry me.
20:34Yeah, well, you can't get married unless you love each other.
20:37It is his duty to be marrying me.
20:39Otherwise, I'm losing my face.
20:41I think she's lost it already.
20:45You wouldn't be happy together.
20:46I mean, can't you just agree to release Ranjit from his promise?
20:49And what is to become of me?
20:50Oh, I'm sure you'll meet somebody else.
20:52Ah.
20:53If I think I'll meet another man,
20:56oh, I'm most gladly release Ranjit.
20:59You would?
21:00Most certainly.
21:02But who is having me now?
21:04Hmm.
21:05You know, Surinder,
21:06there is something Mr. Brown is not telling you.
21:09There is?
21:10Oh, yes, indeed.
21:12He has special reason for wanting you not to be marrying me.
21:16I have.
21:18He is wanting to marry her himself.
21:23He is wanting to be marrying me.
21:25I'm wanting to marry her.
21:27Who I accept?
21:28No!
21:29No!
21:30No!
21:31No!
21:32No!
21:33No!
21:34No!
21:35No!
21:36No!
21:37No!
21:38No!
21:39Hello, Mr. Brown.
21:40Good evening, Gladys.
21:41Here.
21:42When's the happy day, then?
21:44There's not going to be any happy day.
21:45It was all a complete misunderstanding.
21:47Oh, what a pity.
21:49And I thought you and Surinder made a lovely couple.
21:54With all due respect, she was a couple on her own.
21:59I think this is for Rice.
22:00Right?
22:01Hello, everyone.
22:02Good evening.
22:04Right, before we start, I've checked your homework last night.
22:10And I have a feeling that there's been some sort of chicanery going on.
22:14We not know what you mean.
22:16No, Giovanni, well, I'll tell you.
22:18Firstly, there's the fact that five of them are all in the same handwriting.
22:22It's a sheer coincidence.
22:26And is it also a coincidence that you all answered question seven as follows.
22:30Question explain what is wrong with the following sentence.
22:33My dogs is in the garden.
22:36Answer, I do not have a garden.
22:40You call me tippy.
22:41I want my tippy.
22:43Yes, well, you will all receive extra homework tonight.
22:46And please, this time, make sure that you do it yourselves.
22:52I am apologizing again.
22:54But I am delayed by Surinder.
22:56Well, I thought she'd agreed to release you from your marriage vow.
22:59Oh, yes, she has.
23:00But her father is coming to see you about your marriage vow.
23:03Look, there's not going to be any wedding.
23:05I have broken it off.
23:07Oh, dearie me.
23:09How painful.
23:11I have written to Surinder's parents explaining that I cannot possibly marry their daughter.
23:15I have also pointed out the differences between our religious and cultural backgrounds
23:18and the fact that I have no intention of marrying anyone.
23:22Aww.
23:24He should have got the letter this morning.
23:26Oh, yes, he did.
23:27That is why he is coming.
23:28He is hoping to be slicing you into many pieces.
23:32Pardon?
23:33He is saying you are bringing disgrace on his daughter.
23:36Don't be ridiculous.
23:37This isn't a Punjab.
23:38It's England.
23:39A civilized country.
23:40People just don't go around slicing each other up.
23:42And I shall tell him so.
23:45Why is this illegitimate offspring of a six-legged calendar?
23:48Oh, blimey.
23:49I am not knowing where he is.
23:50He's not here.
23:51He has a migraine.
23:52Oh, no.
24:03Oh, no.
24:06Oh, no.
24:25Oh, no.
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