- 1 day ago
Jack fires his announcer, Don Wilson, over a trivial argument.
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00:00From Hollywood, the Jack Benny Program.
00:30Uh, go right ahead, Mr. Smith. Read that first speech. Don't be nervous.
00:35Yes, don't be nervous. Yes, sir. Go ahead.
00:37And now, ladies and gentlemen, from the entertainment capital of the world,
00:41we bring you the star of our show, Jack Benny.
00:45You want me to go on?
00:46No, no, no. That's just fine. And thanks. Thanks very, very much.
00:51Thanks for coming over. Thank you.
00:53Got it. Now, uh, Freddie, who's next?
00:57Jack, you're holding up rehearsal. Now, how many more announcers are you going to audition?
01:01I'm going to audition as many announcers as it takes to find a replacement for Don Wilson.
01:08That's how many.
01:09Well, don't holler at me. You're the one that fired Don. I didn't.
01:12You're darn right I fired him.
01:14He's going to find out he's not the only big, fat slob in the world.
01:21Now, who else is out there?
01:22Just a minute.
01:23Okay.
01:23Big deal. Three hours trying to find an announcer.
01:27What do you need an announcer for?
01:29Dennis, when I'm standing in the entrance, waiting to come in, I've got to have somebody introduce me.
01:33I've got to have somebody tell the audience that Jack Benny is coming on.
01:37Yeah, I guess it's only fair to warn them.
01:42Here, please. Just stand on that mark.
01:44Right here.
01:45Yeah, that's right. Now, you've got the script. You start at the first speech, that, uh, introduction.
01:48Right, sir.
01:49Wait a minute.
01:50Hmm?
01:50Freddie.
01:51Yeah.
01:53Is he supposed to be a replacement for Don Wilson?
01:59Yeah.
02:00Yeah. Would you go on, please?
02:02And now, ladies and gentlemen, from the entertainment capital of the world, we bring you the star of our...
02:06Wait a minute. Hold it. Hold it.
02:07What's the matter now?
02:08Hold it. Just a second.
02:09Uh, evidently, they didn't tell you any of the requirements that were needed. You see, I want a fella that's like Don Wilson, kind of stout, you know, fat, and with several chins.
02:21Well, that's all you want, Mr. Benny. I can get fat.
02:24No, no, he's gonna pay you.
02:26Well, anyway, I believe you, you know what I mean. And thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
02:36Thank you very much.
02:38Look, why do you bring me a guy like that? You know I want a fella that looks like Don Wilson. You know a guy that, instead of that, you bring me a man who looks like a microphone.
02:48Heavens sakes.
02:49Now, who else have we got?
02:51Oh, there's one more out there. Bob, would you bring him, Mr. Scott, please?
02:56Scott, come in. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Scott?
02:59Well, now, now we're in business. Now, you're, you're talking. I, let's, you know, I, you know, I can't understand you.
03:06Here, you're making me audition a lot of people that don't fit, and you've got one standing out in the hall right away.
03:12He'll be fine.
03:14All right, now, Mr. Scott, we'll be ready for rehearsal in a minute.
03:16Just read that first, first speech.
03:20You know, there's...
03:21And now, from the entertainment cabinet world, we bring you the star of our show, Jack Benny.
03:27Is that, is that your natural voice?
03:49No, it isn't.
03:50Well, why do you talk so high?
03:54Because when I talk down, down here, I...
03:56Oh, I see.
04:06All right, who we, who we got next, Brady?
04:09Don Wilson, and I suggest you call him.
04:11I'm not gonna call Don Wilson, and that settles it.
04:13I'm not gonna have Wilson.
04:15Well, there are a couple other fellas waiting out there.
04:17They'll be in later, though.
04:18Why don't we go on with rehearsal in the meanwhile?
04:20All right, let's start rehearsal without him.
04:22But I'm not gonna have Don Wilson, and you know it.
04:25Now, I'm gonna get a drink of water.
04:27Okay.
04:27Boy, I haven't seen him this mad since the Academy Awards.
04:33Which one?
04:34All of them.
04:37I can't understand, Jack, after all these years, getting so mad at Don Wilson.
04:41What happened?
04:42You remember that party he gave at his house last week for the members of the cast and crew?
04:46Yeah, yeah, I couldn't make it.
04:47Yeah, I know it, but everybody else showed up, and that's where it happened.
04:50At the dinner, we were all sitting in the living room.
04:52Hey, Sammy the drummer was playing that crazy instrument of his.
05:02Hey!
05:08What would you like for an encore?
05:09Hey, wait a minute.
05:10We don't want any encores.
05:12No encores.
05:12And Sammy, you've got a lot of nerve taking one of my best dishes
05:16and putting it up here on the piano for an ashtray.
05:20That ain't an ashtray.
05:20That's for the tips.
05:22Well, you're not going to get any, so put this pogo stick away and sit down.
05:31Hey, Rochester, bring in some more drinks for everybody.
05:35Oh, here it comes.
05:37Oh, good.
05:41Good, everybody.
05:42How's everything going back there?
05:43All right?
05:44You having fun?
05:44Mr. Dick?
05:45I'll have fun.
05:46Mr. D?
05:47Thank you, Roch.
05:48Mr. Wilson?
05:49Thank you, Rochester.
05:50Nothing for me, Roch.
05:51Nothing for you.
05:52Mr. Remley?
05:53Mr. Remley?
05:53Rochester, when are you going to learn to serve Remley last?
06:10I keep forgetting.
06:12We have food left over, haven't we?
06:14Now, you don't have to throw it away.
06:17Now, see, you can make hash out of the leftover roast beef, and you can make turkey a la king
06:22out of the leftover turkey.
06:25Now, what can we do with the leftover spaghetti?
06:28I could put a handle on it and use it for a mop.
06:34No.
06:35Then again, I could knit you a sweater.
06:39Look, we could use the meatballs for buttons.
06:44All right.
06:46Quiet.
06:47Quiet.
06:47Quiet, everybody.
06:48Quiet, please.
06:49Well, we've all had such a good time tonight, and I think I can speak for every one of us
06:54here, but I just think it's wonderful of Jack to have his whole gang over here every
06:58year for this annual get-together.
06:59I think he's the greatest boss in the world.
07:02Yeah!
07:04How about a speech, Mr. Benny?
07:06All right.
07:07Thank you, Dennis.
07:08What score in seven years?
07:10Hey, I'll make a speech.
07:12You said I'll make it.
07:14I bet it'll never be as good as the one I started.
07:18Yes, sir.
07:19Now, seriously, friends, and it gives me a warm feeling to call you all friends, because
07:27there aren't many men who have such sincere, loyal, and talented employees.
07:34And I think it's only fitting that once a year we can gather like this in mutual friendship
07:39and respect.
07:41You know, when a show has been on...
07:45You know, when a show has been on as long as ours, the going isn't always easy.
08:00You know, sure, we're sailing along now, and the seas are calm.
08:05But in the past, as we moved across the ocean of entertainment,
08:09we've had our stormy days, but we didn't despair, did we?
08:15But in the battle against those stormy waters,
08:19and I, as your captain, was inspired by those immortal words of John Paul Jones
08:25when he said, don't give up the ship.
08:29And friends, in the years ahead...
08:31Jack.
08:32And friends, in the years ahead...
08:34Jack.
08:34What is it?
08:35Well, Jack, I don't like to interrupt, but...
08:39John Paul Jones didn't say, don't give up the ship.
08:42What?
08:43It was said by Captain James Lawrence.
08:45No, no, Don.
08:47It was John Paul Jones who said, don't give up the ship.
08:49Look, Jack, any schoolboy knows James Lawrence said, don't give up the ship.
08:53Now, how can you stand there and say, it was John Paul Jones?
08:56Because it was John Paul Jones.
08:58No, it wasn't.
08:59Now, wait a minute, Don.
09:00That's a famous naval saying.
09:02Dennis, you were a sailor.
09:04What was that famous naval saying?
09:07Ask her if she's got a friend for me.
09:14I don't mean that one.
09:17Don, it was John Paul Jones who said, don't give up the ship.
09:21I was in the Navy myself, for heaven's sake.
09:23I was a hero.
09:25Oh, some hero.
09:26You joined the Navy, fell out of your hammock,
09:28and when you came to, the war was over.
09:30Well, those hammocks are tough to sleep in.
09:36Anyway, Don Wilson, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
09:39Coming over here to my house, stuffing yourself with my food.
09:43I've been watching you.
09:45And then accepting my hospitality, and then starting a great big argument.
09:50I didn't start the argument.
09:52You did.
09:53Everybody knows it was James Lawrence who said, don't give up the ship.
09:56And frankly, I'm just ashamed to work for anyone that doesn't know any more about American history.
10:02Oh.
10:03Well, Don, you don't have to be ashamed any longer, because you're fired.
10:08Oh, yeah?
10:10Yeah.
10:10Oh, yeah?
10:12You are fired.
10:14Here, here.
10:14And that's exactly the way it happened.
10:26You mean to say that Jack fired Don just because of that argument?
10:29That's right.
10:31Does Jack really think that John Paul Jones said, don't give up the ship?
10:35It's hard to believe they named a high school after him.
10:39Personally, I think it's ridiculous that Jack...
10:42Shh, shh.
10:42Come on.
10:42Ready?
10:45All right, fellas.
10:46Might as well start our rehearsal, huh?
10:47How can we do a rehearsal when we have no one to do the commercials?
10:50Well, I can do the commercial.
10:52No, no, no.
10:52Dennis, just came back to get my things out of my dressing room.
10:56Well, the quicker, the better.
10:58Well, Mr. Benny, while we're waiting, why can't I rehearse my song?
11:00Well, that is a good idea.
11:01Go ahead, Dennis.
11:02Rehearse your song.
11:03Okay, Malin.
11:03First the tide rushes in, plants a kiss on the shore, then rolls out to sea, and the sea is very smooth.
11:23Oh, I love you, though.
11:25Oh, I love you, though.
11:29I love you, though.
11:30I love you, though.
11:32Like the oncoming tide with one burning thought with your arms.
11:41We're face to face, and as we kiss through an embrace, I can tell, I can fail, you are
11:59a love, you are railing by the rain, the rain, the sun, the tide at its ebb, I'm at peace.
12:29that song was was wonderful but i think it's a little too long so do i toward the finish i
12:55was getting hungry
13:00just came back to get my refrigerator and that's all that's it
13:04oh what are you come on here now jack you come here
13:08come on now jack you and don have been friends for 28 years and regardless of who was right and who
13:15was wrong in this argument i think you should forget the whole thing and make up
13:19i think freddie's right why don't you tell him you're sorry
13:26you tell mr wilson if he wants to apologize maybe i'll be willing to accept it mr wilson mr
13:35benny says if you want to apologize and say you're wrong he might be willing to accept it
13:40well you can tell mr benny that if he knew anything about american history he'd know james lawrence said
13:46don't give up the ship mr benny mr wilson said if you know anything about american history you'd
13:51know that james lawrence said don't give up the ship and you can also tell him if he doesn't apologize
13:56i'm going to punch him right in the nose mr wilson says if you don't apologize i'm going to punch you
14:01right in the nose you're right in the nose you're going to punch me in the nose i'll give you three
14:04and take your glasses off come on
14:05dennis what are you talking about dennis stop it
14:10you're not even you're not even in the argument now dennis stop it
14:17now this is ridiculous this is absolutely ridiculous you know it doesn't matter whether
14:21it was john paul jones or captain james lawrence or even what was said what does matter is that
14:26you two have been friends for years and jack i think you should apologize to don for firing him
14:31over such a little thing now come on go ahead
14:40well all right don i'm sorry i fired you
15:01thank you and jack i just want to say that only a man of your generosity of your great sense of
15:07fair play would be big enough to admit when he's made a mistake i i accept your apology jack and
15:13i'll come back to work for you oh i'm so glad don well thank you when that's over now we can get
15:19on with the rehearsal oh wait wait no wait let's hold the rehearsal look at i did a silly thing by
15:24auditioning a lot of announcers you know it was just because i was angry you know it was my fault too
15:30and i held up the rehearsal let's call the rehearsal off we'll do it tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock
15:35okay huh that's a wrap everybody if you wish i'll drive you home jack will you don oh wonderful
15:41hey i could use a ride too well come on along you can sit in the back seat with that half a cow
15:54jack it was certainly nice for you to ask us to come in and have a drink with you oh it was nothing
15:59hey donzy how about having another drink no no thanks jack i think i better run along oh no wait
16:04a minute wait a minute look at it as long as you're here and you and i are friends again why don't you
16:09stay for dinner come on you too fred huh oh nice dinner jack i don't want to put you to all this
16:15trouble you apologize that's all that's necessary and i just don't want to put you to all this trouble
16:20it's no trouble at all all right chester what yes mr benny what have we got in the refrigerator
16:28roast beef hash turkey out of king and a cold sweater
16:35well look we got three steaks in the freezer so bring them out okay yes sir that's what we'll do
16:42we'll have steaks with the trimmings and everything well jack this is certainly wonderful of you to do this
16:47ah don it's nothing nothing at all after all look it was my fault the whole thing was my fault you
16:55know i had a big argument with you and you were right and i was wrong and i was too stubborn to to
17:02see it you know and as as rudyard kipling once said you have suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous
17:11fortune and i intend to make it up jack jack i intend to make it up jack what jack kipling didn't
17:18say that it was shakespeare no no don i just read it myself last night i was reading rudyard kipling was
17:25the one that said look just a minute i'm a college graduate and i'm i'm quite a student of shakespeare
17:30and i tell you you're wrong don don don phi beta fatso
17:42i say it was kipling i say it was shakespeare
17:47don i can't understand you i cannot understand you at all here you come to my house you i apologize for
17:55last week and you're all wrong you start another argument i didn't start an argument i'm just trying
18:00to tell you you're wrong and you're too hard-headed to admit it well
18:08i am eh well all right don this does it you're through you're finished you're fired oh yeah
18:16i'll thank you to leave the house and never darken my doorstep again and brother you can darken it
18:22okay i'll go goodbye
18:41i never saw a guy like this this don wilson i mean he always starts an argument he's always wrong
18:48jack he wasn't wrong he was right you were wrong shakespeare did write that not kipling what are you
18:56talking about it was kept i say it was shakespeare and i'm not going to stay here and argue with you
19:01either you're too stubborn goodbye
19:18mr barry mr barry here sir well what are we going to do with the with the two extra steaks i only cooked one
19:30why the moment i heard you say kepling i know this was going to happen
19:34well all right bring in the one steak i'll eat it
19:51what are you looking for i'm looking for that book i read last night by kipling the book you read
20:13last night was shakespeare no rochester on the cover it said kipling that's the man you borrowed it from sam kipling
20:23for heaven's sakes
20:36now i'll have to apologize to don again
20:41oh well i'll give him a a steak and he'll be happy
20:46hello don don don this is jack i thought i ought to call you yes don i know i know it's almost midnight
20:58i i know i you you were in bed all right but look at if you're standing there in your night shirt
21:05i'll make it fast now this is what i this is what i want to say you were right and i was wrong and to
21:12make it up to you any time you want to come over here and i'll fix you the biggest steak you've ever
21:18had in all your life with all the trimmings and mushrooms and potatoes and ice cream and i think
21:25it's the least i can do for excuse me a minute don there's someone at the door
21:42thank you very very much ladies and gentlemen i hope you all enjoyed the show that was pretty
21:57silly wasn't it i mean imagine my firing anyone in my cast now don has been with me almost 30 years
22:05the dennis dennis dennis day 25 years rochester has put in 22 years you know i feel like a warden
22:16the reason i feel like a warden is because that when anyone leaves me see i usually give them a suit
22:23and ten dollars but didn't don give a good performance hey donzy come out here will you
22:29don you really did a good job on that show tonight well thanks jack i really enjoyed doing
22:39this particular show you did yes sir after all of the six rehearsals we had i was served six steaks
22:47you didn't get to eat six steaks did you did you enjoy them oh i sure did thanks a lot jack you're
22:54welcome i haven't the nerve to tell them that those steaks were made of plastic
23:06so
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