Jonathan Creek. Sp 05. The Clue of the Savant's Thumb.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 1st April 2013.  Joey Ross draws Jonathan into a complex case involving a secret society, seemingly supernatural events at a girls' boarding school, and the miraculous disappearance of a body.  Joanna Lumley - Rosalind Tartikoff Anna Burnett - Young Rosalind Lucie Wolfman - Grace Lydia Gerrard - Young Beth Angelica Jopling - Kate Mairéad Conneely - Sister Cunegonde Nigel Planer - Franklin Tartikoff Michael Lumsden - Peter Churchill Abigail McKern - Beth Hasina Haque - Fariba Tartikoff Mark Frost - Brad Sheridan Smith - Joey Ross Robert Styles - Jack Louise Yates - Davina Sarah Alexander - Polly Creek Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek Samantha Coughlan - Receptionist Sharlene Whyte - WDC Atkins Rik Mayall - D.I. Gideon Pryke James Buller - DS Cudlipp Esme Allen-Quarmby - Schoolgirl (as Esme Molly) Lasco Atkins - Homeless Man Faith Elizabeth - Office Worker Phoebe Jones - Natalie Woody Allen - Self (archive footage)  Paul Blackwell - Police Officer Bern Collaço - Police Officer Nigel Genis - Magic Circle Member Stephen Hawking - Self (archive footage)  David Renwick - TV Interviewer Meryl Streep - Self (archive footage)

Transcript

00:00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —

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00:02:29I don't know.

00:02:59I don't know.

00:03:29Sister!

00:03:31Sister!

00:03:36We'll see if 24 hours of isolation can tame this rebellious spirit of yours, Rosalind.

00:03:50In this room, you will read, reflect on your sins, and learn penitence for the power of prayer.

00:03:54And you will truly see God.

00:03:57And learn to love him through the blessed Saint Barnabas.

00:04:00And repent the error of your heathen ways.

00:04:02Let's do it.

00:04:23I don't know.

00:04:53So, are you going to tell us what happened?

00:05:13Did you actually see God?

00:05:15So, come on, tell her.

00:05:16Of course I didn't see God.

00:05:17What do you think?

00:05:18Oh.

00:05:19Absolutely nothing happened in there.

00:05:22Nothing at all.

00:05:23Nothing at all.

00:05:53I don't know.

00:05:54I don't know.

00:05:55I don't know.

00:05:56I don't know.

00:05:57I don't know.

00:05:58I don't know.

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00:06:00I don't know.

00:06:01I don't know.

00:06:02I don't know.

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00:06:15I don't know.

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00:06:18I don't know.

00:06:19I don't know.

00:06:20I don't know.

00:06:21I don't know.

00:06:22I don't know.

00:06:23I don't know.

00:06:24I don't know.

00:06:25I don't know.

00:06:26I don't know.

00:06:28I don't know.

00:06:29I don't know.

00:06:30I don't know.

00:06:31There's a lady in Sweden, for example, who, for eleven years now has been sending me videos

00:06:34of her husband's colonoscopies.

00:06:35And while it's true that to a specialist in rectal polyps, his abdomen is positively stacked

00:06:40with treasures, what's curious is her passion for meticulously documenting their progress,

00:06:45like some form of anal archivist recording his posterior for posterity as well.

00:06:57Well, there we must leave it. As ever, Franklin Tartikoff, it's been illuminating, entertaining

00:07:19and an absolute. Ah, Nigel. Yes. Some of these dates they've sent for the book tour, I don't

00:07:41think they're going to work, unfortunately. July the 15th, I'll be up to my eyes in the

00:07:45Winslow boy. That's Terence Rattigan for any tabloid reporters listening in. And the 3rd

00:07:52and 4th of August, I'll still be colour grading Robin Cook. And then I'm afraid the last week

00:07:58of November's not good for me as I'll be dead. Any chance they could bring that one forward

00:08:02at all? Well, no, that prognosis, I'm told, is amazingly accurate, based on this new software

00:08:09that can sample the echocardiogram and then calculate the exact rate of ventricular atrophy.

00:08:14As a tool for assessing life expectancy in terminal heart disease, it's one of the most exciting

00:08:19new clinical developments I can remember. Peter. Franklin. Morning. Come on up. Oh,

00:08:28he's on. Oh, yeah, you're well. Fine, thanks, yes. How's Ross? I had to get that funeral out

00:08:34of the way this morning. Oh, yes. An old school friend, apparently. She's been obsessing about

00:08:39for days. I don't know why. Grace Elizabeth Elstow left this world too early, but it was at least

00:08:47a world she had come to terms with. She understood the temporary nature of existence, that man is no

00:08:54more meaningful than a mountain of molecules, beautifully but pointlessly composited for one

00:09:00brief lifespan. Before reverting, without consequence, to an infinity of dust. Not quite the Pope's

00:09:09Easter message, but I suppose it's what she would have wanted. Yeah, Beth, you're their one success story.

00:09:17See how we all spin off in different directions. That's Grace and Kate then, now. Both gone. That's the two of us left.

00:09:32You got my text. And? You went back. What did you see? Too much. I hoped. Maybe I hoped it had all gone away.

00:09:49All I know is the sooner they pull that wretched place down, the better.

00:09:56But they'll still be with us, Ross. The ghosts will never leave us, as long as we go on running from the past.

00:10:04They were just children. We didn't deserve that. I'm sorry, Beth. I can't see the point. It's 50 years now.

00:10:10For God's sake, can't we please just let it go and move on?

00:10:22Oh, yes, I see what you're saying about the arrhythmia. It's like a form of systolic syncopation, almost.

00:10:28Art Tatum in the atrium. Ah, that'll be for Eba. She said she'd call the minute she landed. Do you mind?

00:10:34No, no, we're almost done. Sweetheart! How was life in the jungle?

00:10:40Yes, gonna be clearing the space soon for that BAFTA Documentary Award. I tell you.

00:10:45108 days were the most primitive people on Earth. 190 for counting the baggage staff at Jakarta.

00:10:51Just so opens your eyes to life, survival, existence.

00:10:58Well, listen, I can't wait to see the footage. Yeah, I can imagine.

00:11:04I only went to Bhubaneshwar, pottering around the Buddhist shrine for age of three.

00:11:10Peter, are you just off? Oh, and listen, I'm sorry.

00:11:12I've made one slight adjustment to your husband's medication. If I could leave it with you?

00:11:16Yes, of course.

00:11:18The old cartoon in question, is existence defined by consciousness?

00:11:23And I'll be in touch again next week. Yes, right. Bye then, Peter.

00:11:26I said if it was, the student car would be emptied, I tell it.

00:11:30You're still on the way, you'rewin.

00:11:32Yeah, I'll be there.

00:11:34I'll be there, Peter.

00:11:35You're well.

00:11:36Oh, and he didn't go there.

00:11:37Oh, boy.

00:11:38That's what he told me.

00:11:39He didn't go there.

00:11:40He had to go there for us.

00:11:41Oh, but that's what he looked like.

00:11:44I can see you.

00:11:45It's the most extraordinary news.

00:11:46I'm using ourignant scan for the new system.

00:11:48And that's how he looked.

00:11:50You're looking for a nice and seamless permaneal to see us.

00:11:52interesting yes not something you'd have much use for it's a god taura ran yes which means

00:12:11roughly translated what cannot be explained it's like they're living on a whole different

00:12:18spiritual pain to us think we know all the answers don't even know the questions

00:12:23and how's brad you been keeping him warm for me yes yes we see him from time to time don't we

00:12:31is he all right what do you think 16 weeks on his own poor man will be pining for you desperately

00:12:37I think that's what DH Lawrence would call the hastening gravitation of spirit towards spirit

00:12:54and body towards body give me that again no I meant the bit about DH Lawrence you know we need to look

00:13:06lively before the owners of this place catch us when are they due back in the February so there

00:13:14you fly south for the winter and leave you to mind the shot can't be a cushy number and the rest there's

00:13:20all the maintenance work sorting out the animal feed picking up strange women at petrol station

00:13:24should have known you worked on a farm when you had to sit on that little stool to put your hands

00:13:28on my shirt that's part of the world though what's that place like a stately home wasn't it oh waxwood

00:13:36hall yeah used to be an old convent school there was some weird story back in the 60s these girls

00:13:43all woke up with like strange red rings on their head one of them was actually found dead the next

00:13:48morning you know what it's like local superstitions there's been talk around this place ever since

00:13:54dark forces at work in that building you really don't want to meddle with

00:13:58she's back this week I forgot girl I was sort of saying to him hey hello how are you

00:14:11just the usual slopping about the farm sorting out the livestock but listen we should get together

00:14:19for a catch-up yeah when's good for you I don't know Brad when's good for you not just this minute

00:14:25I'm guessing

00:14:44that is very good

00:14:47oh I know and he was so looking forward to catching up with you today but them's the

00:14:58breaks I'm afraid when you're running a global advertising agency because you and my dad go

00:15:01back 30 years directing those STP party politicals oh yes Roy Jenkins with not a little rancor I never

00:15:08got a chance to introduce you all properly did I to my husband Jonathan don't think you know Jack

00:15:15producer extraordinaire you're still based in Euston if I remember that right and Davina and Rosalind

00:15:22and Franklin Tartikoff you obviously know though to me you'll always be the right Reverend Leslie

00:15:26clitoris I mean priceless some of the stuff you got away with those early satire shows on radio

00:15:31remember the mad catholic bishop who tied women's legs together in a reef knot oh gosh yes Leslie

00:15:37clitoris BBC had no idea what we were saying they thought he was the chap who wrote the saint

00:15:42so anyway this is all news to us Polly what was it a whirlwind courtship more like an emergency

00:15:49airlift poor man was living in a windmill weren't you when I first met him thinking up conjuring

00:15:55tricks for a living so you know a bit of a reboot required there but good for us all periodically I

00:16:00think to metamorphose move on I was born a man exactly oh mustn't forget by the way it's Jack and

00:16:07living his anniversary today so many congratulations to you both to the lucky husband and his lovely

00:16:13wife many more to come so where's he taking you after this summer exciting

00:16:18what no it's just all this he and husband and wife I'm very sorry no no don't I'm sure he

00:16:33understands a few years ago Jonathan I had some identity issues with my gender we discussed it

00:16:40we resolved it I was Jeffrey Hyde I'm now Jacqueline it's done we've moved on we're very happy

00:16:46so great when people can work these things out so what are you saying that you made what we both

00:16:53felt was the mature decision and in case you're wondering I got to keep all my male genitalia

00:16:58all right I keep it in a jar in my production office we know what it's like pairs of shoes

00:17:03you don't wear anymore you still can't bear to throw away and the name I suppose Jacqueline

00:17:10Hyde how do you mean exactly actually talking of satire did you have any luck with that demo tape

00:17:23I meant to ask some quite extraordinary performance can I say something embarrassing Jonathan I'm such an

00:17:31admirer of all your cognitive work it takes a pretty stubborn mind sometimes to fly the flag for common

00:17:38sense when everyone else around you seems to believe in fairies that's I realize obviously

00:17:42that that's a closed chapter in your life now but just so you know you have a fan

00:18:08I'll be away then now and see you later yes enjoy your rich night

00:18:38hi how are you

00:18:44indeed in some ways the perfect night for him

00:18:52we both know he knows is there anything on this god-awful earth he doesn't know

00:18:59it's just that to say that to me to even allude

00:19:03it's the first time ever he's tried to rattle me with subtext

00:19:06this time next year things will be different

00:19:11yes knowing him he'll suddenly develop a miracle cure in his coffee break

00:19:16I have to go

00:19:22I have to go

00:19:52no

00:20:06no

00:20:08what

00:20:10no

00:20:12no

00:20:16no

00:20:17no

00:20:18no

00:20:19no

00:20:20no

00:20:22Fariba?

00:20:25You in there, darling?

00:20:27What's happening?

00:20:29Fariba, please open the door.

00:20:48Fariba?

00:20:50Oh God, oh God, what's happened?

00:20:53Talk to me, will you?

00:20:56Fariba?

00:20:58Fariba, open the door!

00:21:02Talk to me, will you?

00:21:05Fariba?

00:21:06Fariba, can you hear me?

00:21:09Fariba?

00:21:20Yes, you're going to come over here, now.

00:21:30Fariba?

00:21:32I'm going over here.

00:21:36Fariba!

00:21:37I'm going over here, we're going over here.

00:21:40Fariba!

00:21:49I'm going over here.

00:21:50I'm going over here.

00:21:51I call the police.

00:22:20I call the ambulance.

00:22:29God's name.

00:22:33My darling, are you all right?

00:22:34Can you talk?

00:22:36Please talk to me.

00:22:38What happened here?

00:22:39This is insane.

00:22:42I'm making this up.

00:22:43What happened?

00:22:44Why can't you tell us?

00:22:46Because I don't know.

00:22:48I came up here and I found him like that.

00:22:51I heard somebody coming upstairs and I locked the door.

00:22:55Whoever did that, I didn't know.

00:22:57There might still be in the house outside there with a gun to your head.

00:23:00I couldn't think straight.

00:23:02But you never moved from that door the whole time.

00:23:08I mean, for God's sake, he was in here.

00:23:10You both saw him.

00:23:12This is just surreal, isn't it?

00:23:15Where the hell did he go?

00:23:17Sorry, I thought he might have a small window, but I'm afraid we're looking at back-to-back appointments all morning.

00:23:40Then he's got lunch with his co-directors at Claridge's at 1, and from 3 to 5, he'll be at his club in town, so...

00:23:47Um, yes.

00:23:48Can I stop you there?

00:23:50I think we've got our wires crossed here, haven't we?

00:23:52It's just I googled the name and this company came up, but...

00:23:56Obviously got the wrong Jonathan Creek here entirely, haven't I?

00:23:59So, very sorry to have troubled you.

00:24:02Bye.

00:24:02All right, can you help?

00:24:03Are you ready?

00:24:04Yeah, she worries.

00:24:05What's your name?

00:24:06Oh, my God.

00:24:36What did he like?

00:24:51It wasn't delivered, I swear to you, honestly.

00:24:54Sorry.

00:24:56Sorry, Mr. Creek, just to warn you.

00:24:58There was a rather strange woman hanging about earlier on.

00:25:01I got security to escort her off the premises, but just in case she manages to worm her way back in, she'll look like the sort that doesn't give up.

00:25:09I'll bear that in mind.

00:25:10Thank you, Angelica.

00:25:12So she thought you might have a small window.

00:25:15Has she ever been in this room?

00:25:16Look, if all you've come here to do is smirk at the fact that I've finally managed to turn my life around, progress my career, do something a bit more grown-up and responsible and creatively challenging, only I've got a very important presentation to Weetabix in five minutes, so if you don't mind...

00:25:31All right, get out.

00:25:32Sorry, I'm sorry, no.

00:25:34I'm sorry.

00:25:35Look, three years.

00:25:37People can change.

00:25:37It's none of my business.

00:25:39So, look, I'll keep this short, OK?

00:25:40Because this won't be on your radar yet, probably.

00:25:42It's only just breaking.

00:25:43But a dead man in a room, right, seen and photographed by witnesses, completely evaporates into thin air.

00:25:53Walls, floor, ceiling, all rock solid.

00:25:56No way he could have got out through the window or through the door, which was being watched the whole time.

00:26:00And yet, when they went in, I mean, it is just mind-blowing.

00:26:06Well, there'll be an explanation.

00:26:09It'll all be very weird and wonderful.

00:26:11Once you've fathomed it, everyone will be deeply underwhelmed and you wonder why you bothered, sir.

00:26:16Ordinarily agreed, but this one is so bulletproof from what they're saying, it's like nothing you've ever come across.

00:26:22There's a lot of mad talk in this village already about supernatural forces.

00:26:27And now with this Franklin Tartikoff character just apparently turning into dust like some kind of vampire.

00:26:34Franklin Tartikoff?

00:26:38Sorry, I didn't realise you were in a meeting.

00:26:43Do you know where...

00:26:44Yes, this was just, um, absolutely.

00:26:49Best of luck with that, then.

00:26:50Sounds like you'll need it.

00:26:52Yes, sir.

00:26:53Yes, sir.

00:26:54Yes, sir.

00:26:55Yes, sir.

00:26:56Yes, sir.

00:26:57Yes, sir.

00:26:58Yes, sir.

00:26:59Yes, sir.

00:27:00Yes, sir.

00:27:01Yes, sir.

00:27:02What's the way to do this, Sam?

00:27:03What's going on?

00:27:04Please step back, please.

00:27:05Please step back, please.

00:27:06Please step back.

00:27:07They're looking to see you here.

00:27:08This is private property, ladies and gentlemen.

00:27:11Please move back.

00:27:12Please.

00:27:13Please step back.

00:27:14Please step back, please.

00:27:15Please step back, please.

00:27:17Oh, my God.

00:27:18Oh, my God.

00:27:19Look at me.

00:27:20Oh, my God.

00:27:22Oh.

00:27:23It's in your way to a party that means a person.

00:27:24Okay.

00:27:25Oh, my God.

00:27:26I don't know.

00:27:27Oh, my God.

00:27:28Oh, my God.

00:27:30Oh.

00:27:31Oh, my God.

00:28:01We found this in the kitchen, Mrs. Tartikoff.

00:28:15Could you enlighten us at all?

00:28:17My husband's bat detector.

00:28:20He'd been tracking this soprano pipistrelle for the past week.

00:28:23Appeared to have come out of hibernation.

00:28:25Oh, in fact, that's something I should really have warned you about.

00:28:31I can report the bat net has just been safely located.

00:28:55Joey Ross. Joey Ross.

00:29:02Bear with me just a few seconds.

00:29:04I could switch to voice recognition, but calling up a Wikipedia file is not without risks.

00:29:10Now, according to this, you run a website which catalogues and explains real-life paranormal experiences

00:29:15in occasional collaboration with, well, well, well.

00:29:21A name that immediately sprang to mind, of course, when this little puzzle first presented itself.

00:29:25He and I had the pleasure of working together once on the curious matter of the limping man.

00:29:30Some years before a sniper's bullet put me in this contraption.

00:29:33So you wouldn't be Gideon Pryke?

00:29:37They tried to retire me, of course, but I still have the use of one finger, which is enough to argue my case.

00:29:42And please God the world has moved on since Raymond Burr.

00:29:45Sergeant Cudlip!

00:29:47The heel of a man's shoe.

00:29:49Size 11, I'd imagine.

00:29:50Directly below the victim's study.

00:29:52Get me a cast as quick as you like and roll out Operation Dandini.

00:29:55Yeah, I think that's where DC O'Brien would have been, sir, when he was checking out the windows.

00:29:59Except DC O'Brien's tread is quite dissimilar.

00:30:01And this chappy appears to have been standing hard against the wall with his nose in the bricks.

00:30:05Unusual behaviour during a thunderstorm.

00:30:07What do you think?

00:30:09No problem, Guth.

00:30:13It was signed to be just this week by someone upstairs who knows bugger all about bugger all.

00:30:17But you've got some form in this line of inquiry.

00:30:20What say we go and pull our early observations?

00:30:22The Franklin Tartikoff, whose body was discovered late last night by his adopted daughter Fariba Tartikoff,

00:30:36only to vanish minutes later right under everyone's nose.

00:30:40But then hopes of a solution rose this morning with the arrival of the formidable investigator Gideon Pryke,

00:30:46who famously suffered near-fatal injuries five years ago while rescuing a child's puppy during the Chinese embassy siege and his unique abilities.

00:30:56Do you know, I'm not sure now about these blonde highlights.

00:31:00I think next time I might go mortician.

00:31:02What's that involved? Formaldehyde?

00:31:04Hmm?

00:31:06What were you watching just then?

00:31:09Look, the poor man's dead. There's nothing we can do about it.

00:31:14Where's that little knob?

00:31:15I'm sorry?

00:31:17You know, the one we have to keep turning down when your brain gets overheated.

00:31:20Look, whatever it is that's happened...

00:31:23..probably your managing director and father-in-law.

00:31:27Excuse me.

00:31:34Jonathan Greek?

00:31:37Oh, hi. Hi.

00:31:39Er, yeah, of course. Who hasn't?

00:31:41I... I don't know what to say.

00:31:43I shouldn't have rung you. It's just...

00:31:45You're the only one I can say this to.

00:31:48Jonathan, I'm frightened.

00:31:52Frightened that every certainty, everything I've ever believed,

00:31:56is about to vanish.

00:31:59Like my husband.

00:32:01And never return.

00:32:02And this was taken...

00:32:12According to the statements, about 13 minutes before they broke down the door.

00:32:16I take it we're not looking at any tomfoolery with floorboards or hidden panels or...

00:32:23So his body was just here.

00:32:27We don't know whether he'd been shot or stabbed or what, let alone why.

00:32:32His daughter was just here, who then fainted.

00:32:36And this'll be what?

00:32:40Like an airing cupboard.

00:32:44Ah, red hot.

00:32:48I don't know.

00:32:49He wasn't really dead and he got in the tank and boiled away.

00:32:53Oh, God, this is freaking me out already.

00:32:55Where the hell do you even start?

00:32:57You disappoint me.

00:32:58I would have thought the pictures on the stairs were rather suggestive.

00:33:02Well, there go our two dinner parties this weekend.

00:33:05He needs me over there, apparently, for this top-table powwow.

00:33:08Sounds like they're only projecting single-digit growth now across the affiliates.

00:33:12So that's me off to JFK.

00:33:14Crack of dawn.

00:33:15Better get myself sorted.

00:33:16I'm so sorry, Angel.

00:33:18Not well.

00:33:27The hand in his pocket, which is a bit of a weird one for starters,

00:33:57but according to those photos out there,

00:33:59he had that habit, apparently, of always leaving his thumb outside,

00:34:03just, like, hooked over the edge.

00:34:05Except here, it isn't.

00:34:08The whole hand's inside.

00:34:09From which we might fairly conclude?

00:34:11That he didn't put his hand in his pocket.

00:34:14Someone else put it there deliberately after he was dead.

00:34:19But for what reason?

00:34:20Well, when we know that, I suspect we'll have the key to the whole mystery.

00:34:23In the meantime, I draw your attention to a disc that was sitting there in his DVD drive.

00:34:28Fatally corrupted, unfortunately, so the contents are unknown.

00:34:31GP.

00:34:32Perhaps they knew you were coming.

00:34:36Could be a dead end, of course.

00:34:37But you might be intrigued to hear what the Socko boys found on his computer keyboard.

00:34:42What?

00:34:43Nothing.

00:34:44Which I think you'll agree is decidedly fishy.

00:34:46There wasn't a single fingerprint on one of the keys.

00:34:48Councillor Blackins, I want a complete shakedown of every notebook, BlackBerry, tablet and diary in the house.

00:34:55You're looking for a name with the initials GP.

00:34:59An inside job?

00:35:00Possibly.

00:35:01We'll give that daughter of his the benefit of the doubt for now.

00:35:04But only for now.

00:35:05Rest assured, someone around here knows a lot more than they're saying.

00:35:09And by jingo, I'll have it out of them before we're done.

00:35:12Until tomorrow.

00:35:13Hello?

00:35:18Okay?

00:35:19Okay, good.

00:35:22Oh.

00:35:23It's going to be a miserable weekend for you.

00:35:26Rattling around here on your own like a spare part.

00:35:29What are you going to do with yourself?

00:35:31God only knows.

00:35:37Let's come back in one piece, okay?

00:35:39Okay.

00:35:43And love to your dad.

00:35:48Listen, Fariba, that day in the field with Brad...

00:36:18is of no consequence to us now.

00:36:21That's not who we are.

00:36:23It's not what we are.

00:36:27Something inside us...

00:36:30deep and infinite that can't be measured,

00:36:33that was never created and can never die.

00:36:38Do you buy into that, Joey?

00:36:39You talk about belief, religion.

00:36:45I see only wisdom.

00:36:47The wisdom to accept what we can never know.

00:36:51This is where you part company slightly, I gather.

00:36:55Give me your, um...

00:36:55I was three years old when they rescued me from the floods.

00:37:07Mayor Bunda in the Andaman Islands.

00:37:10He was out there doing a series about Marco Polo.

00:37:16Growing up in the West, I don't know.

00:37:18Did I lose something?

00:37:19Maybe that's why I went back.

00:37:23To find out.

00:37:27Transubstantiation of the body into spirit.

00:37:31Can a human being just float away into...

00:37:34If you don't mind me giving it the once-over.

00:37:36Shall we say half an hour?

00:37:37Anything else you need, just give me a shout.

00:37:39Otherwise...

00:37:40All yours then, Mr. Creak.

00:37:42It's good to have you back in the saddle.

00:37:47Well, this is poor.

00:37:49But then I call in Don Draper to solve a crime.

00:37:52What do I expect?

00:37:54What changed your mind then, in the end?

00:37:56No, it's just...

00:37:58You look at this picture by the police when they got here,

00:38:01against the one she took out there on the landing.

00:38:04Why can't I shake off the feeling?

00:38:07Is something missing?

00:38:08Er, yes.

00:38:10A dead body.

00:38:11Short of why we're all here.

00:38:15No, it's too subliminal still.

00:38:16It just won't come.

00:38:19So, you notice the hand in the pocket with no thumbs sticking out?

00:38:23Yes.

00:38:24And that shoe print under the window that was flush against the wall?

00:38:28Yes.

00:38:28And the small piece of squashed blue tack lying over there on the floor?

00:38:32Yep.

00:38:33What's that got to do with anything?

00:38:35Nothing, possibly.

00:38:40Or it could be the most significant detail in the whole case.

00:38:44I suppose the GP on that corrupted disc is unlikely to be our doctor friend,

00:38:50even if he is sleeping with the wife.

00:38:51Where the hell did you get that from?

00:38:56She told me.

00:38:57Why go on pretending?

00:39:00Franklin and I...

00:39:02It was never that sort of marriage.

00:39:06We both knew that almost from the start.

00:39:08He was just simply the most astonishing, provocative and intellectually gifted man I'd ever known.

00:39:14As hard as it was, I'd prepared myself to lose him.

00:39:16But not like this.

00:39:20One other point, Mrs. Tartikov, you may be able to help us with.

00:39:24A text my sergeant found in your phone, dated January the 3rd.

00:39:29Remember 1968, the year of the circles.

00:39:33From someone called Beth.

00:39:35Yes, someone I knew at school.

00:39:38St. Barnabas, Roman Catholic, not far from here.

00:39:41One of her old classmates had just died and...

00:39:45No doubt you've already checked up on the history of it all.

00:39:48No doubt I have.

00:39:50A rather queer business in which a 14-year-old girl was found dead in bed with a red ring on her face.

00:39:56No apparent explanation for what killed her, but the general consensus was sheer terror.

00:40:03More red rings were subsequently reported on several other girls, but they lived to tell the tale.

00:40:10You can imagine the effect it had on us, young, impressionable schoolchildren.

00:40:15Anyway, bizarre as it was, it's all ancient history now.

00:40:19But there is something else, Inspector, you might be interested in that's rather more current, rather more sinister.

00:40:27And so this is saying what, exactly?

00:40:30I think there might be some kind of local secret society in the village.

00:40:34This appeared 18 months ago, and I know plenty of people say it's still going on.

00:40:39Arcane activities.

00:40:40You can never get anyone to talk about, of course, but we've no idea what they're up to.

00:40:44Or a few rolled up trouser legs and the odd moose head.

00:40:47I don't think we'll lose any sleep over this one, Mrs. Tartikov.

00:40:50But rest assured, if I spot any dodgy handshakes in the village, I'll let you know.

00:40:54Yes, well, I need to be getting off now to this seminar.

00:40:58I'm contactable if you need anything else.

00:41:00I understand, Mrs. Tartikov.

00:41:03Life goes on.

00:41:04If you can't...

00:41:05What?

00:41:05If you can't address your freedom, don't you, to a war in the palace, I can't see it.

00:41:10What of all bollocks that was.

00:41:12Were you blind?

00:41:13That secret society thing was so obviously just to get us all out of this room.

00:41:17Why?

00:41:18Because there was something in this drawer.

00:41:20Didn't you notice?

00:41:21She very niftily locked away when all that talk came up about her old skull.

00:41:25So, come on, have you got all the gubbins?

00:41:26No, I have not got all the gubbins.

00:41:29It's a blatant intrusion into the privacy of a grieving woman.

00:41:32Oh, don't be such an infant.

00:41:34I'll do it myself.

00:41:37You know, you want to be careful.

00:41:38Women who butter you up like that, they usually have to do something.

00:41:40You said she was buttering me. Put down that foot file.

00:41:44I demand that you have any idea of the damage you're going to do about.

00:41:48Right.

00:41:50Okay.

00:41:51Pound to the penny.

00:41:53This is what you didn't want us to see.

00:41:55Postmark.

00:41:57Same date as that text.

00:41:58Her down here on the right, would you say?

00:42:04With three of her old buddies.

00:42:07Waxwood Cove, March 68.

00:42:10Waxwood Hall, I thought that place was called, but...

00:42:13Named after somewhere on the coast, maybe?

00:42:14They all went to on a field trip once, or...

00:42:17Hmm.

00:42:18What have we got here when it's at home?

00:42:20Some sort of schoolgirl's coat?

00:42:22A drawing of a hangman?

00:42:23Come on, you put all this together with the year of the circles,

00:42:28why was she so keen to convince us it was all just ancient history?

00:42:33Then why did the word circles have a capital C?

00:42:38Just get the feeling all that weird stuff that happened there,

00:42:41there's got to be a connection.

00:42:42Something that still haunts her to this day,

00:42:44and has somehow wormed its way into every corner of her life.

00:42:48So, where exactly is this Waxwood Hall?

00:43:07You know, there's some interesting stuff here about this place,

00:43:10when you start looking for it.

00:43:11It says here,

00:43:13another thing a lot of ex-pupils talked about

00:43:15was something called the Quiet Room,

00:43:16which was like a room where the nuns would put unruly pupils,

00:43:20with just some bread and water and a Bible,

00:43:23to study and contemplate and redeem themselves through prayer.

00:43:27Like being banged up in solitary for the night.

00:43:30But what's weird is, listen to this,

00:43:31notwithstanding their rebellious nature,

00:43:34many of the girls who were thus confined

00:43:36actually said they had seen God in the room,

00:43:39with several others claiming

00:43:40they had actually been touched by the blessed saint

00:43:42as they reached out to him.

00:43:44All right, all right.

00:43:46Well, please.

00:43:49yin'

00:43:50I don't know.

00:44:21Well, I think that gives the night away a seaside trip.

00:44:24Question is, why would you label a photo that was taken in that room upstairs, Waxwood Cove?

00:44:28Jonathan, I've got a horrible feeling we're not alone in this place.

00:44:31I just heard this, I don't know what it was, like this strange metallic twanging noise.

00:44:36Seems to be coming from down there somewhere.

00:44:42Wait here.

00:44:50I don't know.

00:45:20I don't know.

00:45:50Listen, I think I might search that code.

00:45:57Do you leave any chalk in here?

00:46:00There's a definite feeling in here.

00:46:03You shudder to imagine when it was like living in this place.

00:46:05The clue is the hangman.

00:46:09You think about the hangman game.

00:46:12What's the first thing you do before you try and guess the word?

00:46:15You draw a small horizontal line for each letter.

00:46:18Except on this, it's the other way round.

00:46:23Which means...

00:46:24If we fill in all the baselines afterwards...

00:46:28What do you mean, hmm?

00:46:34It's got to be worth more than hmm any day of the week.

00:46:36I'd like to see you manage to work that one out.

00:46:57Well, no, very good.

00:47:09The question is, what will be at midnight?

00:47:14It's easy to think the gear of the circles refers to those rings that appeared on their heads, but...

00:47:20I don't know, the capital C threw up another possibility that would dovetail rather neatly with that photo taken upstairs.

00:47:29Waxwood Cove quite obviously makes no sense as a place name.

00:47:33But what if the end of that photo had been cut off to remove something or someone else from the picture?

00:47:40And at the same time, part of the writing went with it.

00:47:44Well, it's hardly a theory we can test at this stage, but how much more tenable is the idea of a Waxwood Covenant?

00:47:51And a group of mutinous Catholic schoolgirls adopting the name for witch from Greek mythology.

00:47:57Let's say, for example, the Four Serses, which didn't quite make it past the predictive text option on that phone message.

00:48:07So you think they might have had their own little secret society that had something to do with those rings and the girl that died?

00:48:15Whatever it was that happened that night, this suggests they knew it was coming.

00:48:20And it's something she's still trying to deal with.

00:48:27Well, I wonder where this quiet room was when it's at home.

00:48:31I wonder where this quiet room was when it's at home.

00:48:57Good night.

00:48:58Well, I wonder where this room was coming.

00:49:02Yeah.

00:49:07Yeah.

00:49:13Mm-hmm.

00:49:14I don't know.

00:49:44HE METALS

00:49:48HE METALS

00:49:50HE METALS

00:49:52HE METALS

00:49:58HE METALS

00:50:02Kelly? What happened? You OK?

00:50:04What in the name of hell was all that about?

00:50:10HE METALS

00:50:12Back in the seat.

00:50:42So I guess we know now how those nuns made them all feel they've been touched by the lawn.

00:51:02It would appear someone around here is doing a rather naff job of trying to frighten us off.

00:51:06Yes, not that naff. Can we please just leave?

00:51:19Fun and games for you there, then, Mr. Creek.

00:51:21And I wonder what you make of this little gem?

00:51:24Submitted by a local busybody with a handy bit of surveillance kit on his property.

00:51:28These are off a CCTV from the top of the pole outside his house,

00:51:32timed at 1.17 a.m. on the night of Tartakov's death.

00:51:37Like some kind of straw effigy?

00:51:39Being burnt at the stake.

00:51:42Wow.

00:51:44What do you think?

00:51:46WI been watching The Wicker Man again?

00:51:48We popped along to that spot this morning.

00:51:50Found nothing but a sea of ash, of course.

00:51:53Anyway, have to love you and leave you, I'm afraid.

00:51:55Looks like we've found our elusive GP, finally.

00:51:58Entry in the deceased's personal organiser.

00:52:01Next Monday at 10, he had a meeting arranged with a certain Greta Portland.

00:52:05Not many of those in the electoral roll.

00:52:07But we have turned up one in South Darmashire.

00:52:09Is there anything exciting?

00:52:10I'll give you a bell.

00:52:12Oh.

00:52:13So there you go.

00:52:17That's us both booked in upstairs for later.

00:52:20You never worry at all what the missus might make of all this.

00:52:23Remember, she only knows you as Clark Kent.

00:52:26So that's it then now, is it?

00:52:30Pulling women out of elephants and sawing rabbits in half.

00:52:33All done with.

00:52:34All done with.

00:52:36There's a little thing called growth.

00:52:38You should try it sometime.

00:52:44Of course, he never said, did he, where those pictures were taken, but...

00:52:47If we're talking fields and farms,

00:52:49I think I might know someone who can help.

00:52:52So just a very quick recap, if I may.

00:52:56This guy, Brad, you think may be able to help us.

00:52:59You don't actually know his surname,

00:53:01or where he comes from,

00:53:03or his phone number,

00:53:05or his address,

00:53:06or anything about his background,

00:53:08or basically anything about him at all.

00:53:10Well, no.

00:53:11We didn't really get that far.

00:53:13He only got as far as sex.

00:53:15Yes.

00:53:16It was a very cold day.

00:53:18A very cold day?

00:53:20All the spurious mitigation.

00:53:22Whatever happened to putting on a scarf?

00:53:26I despair of the modern generation.

00:53:27Hey, don't take your bedroom frustrations out on me.

00:53:30Just because you're off the market now.

00:53:31I beg your pardon?

00:53:32And the reason I didn't pursue it

00:53:34was when I found out she was still technically in the frame,

00:53:37I just thought I should fall on my sword.

00:53:40Not before you'd fallen on his sword.

00:53:45God, you can't turn it off, can you?

00:53:47What now?

00:53:48Well, this piece of timber

00:53:51has been very recently fixed across that post,

00:53:55about six feet off the ground.

00:53:57And we know that how?

00:53:59A pattern of old slug trails.

00:54:03You just make out.

00:54:07And these hooks,

00:54:09with what appear to be wisps of rope through them,

00:54:13it's almost like...

00:54:18Ah.

00:54:19Funnily enough,

00:54:20we were just talking about you.

00:54:25Hmm.

00:54:26Can we talk?

00:54:27No.

00:54:28No.

00:54:29No.

00:54:30No.

00:54:31no.

00:54:32No.

00:54:35No.

00:54:47No.

00:54:48Can we talk?

00:55:13Free the tartar cough.

00:55:16Sorry?

00:55:18Sorry, it's a terrible line.

00:55:20Just one second.

00:55:21Can we hold on and just see if I can get a better signal here?

00:55:24Ah, hello?

00:55:27Eileen, sorry.

00:55:29Eileen Aubrey.

00:55:31No, no, no.

00:55:33Of course I'm on your work, obviously, yes.

00:55:35Yeah, sure, I can do.

00:55:39Any reason why we have to meet there or...?

00:55:44No, that's fine.

00:55:45No.

00:55:47Okay.

00:55:52Okay.

00:55:53Yeah, got that.

00:55:55Right, well, I'll see you then.

00:55:57You and I, Jonathan, we both see the world as it is.

00:56:09Gods and spirits and magic and miracles.

00:56:13The eternal refuge of the credulous.

00:56:15And yet...

00:56:17And yet...

00:56:19And yet...

00:56:20I know.

00:56:22For all the mickling little pointers in this case that seem to promise so much,

00:56:27as things stand, you have to say,

00:56:29what happened in that room with your husband

00:56:31just isn't physically possible.

00:56:34I've never told this to anyone, but...

00:56:43I had once an experience at school...

00:56:47In which you were locked in a room with bread and water

00:56:49and a Bible and a portrait of St Barnabas,

00:56:52and you had a vision of God.

00:56:56Along with a whole load of other pupils who were sent to the quiet room.

00:56:59Not quite the miracle, it seemed, at the time, I would suggest.

00:57:05But the reason you buried it, I'm guessing now,

00:57:09is because you couldn't face the idea of being judged

00:57:11for a mortal sin committed by you and your Catholic school friends

00:57:17who belonged to this, whatever it was called,

00:57:20Waxford Hall witch's coven.

00:57:23The Sisters of Circe.

00:57:30It's a nice Woody Allen story

00:57:31that a guy goes to the opera and accidentally falls into the orchestra pit.

00:57:35Too proud to admit his mistake,

00:57:37he goes back every night for a month and does exactly the same thing.

00:57:42There's an echo of that here, isn't there?

00:57:45Those red rings that appeared on all the other girls' heads

00:57:49just had to be a smoke screen.

00:57:52You deliberately repeated to make other people think

00:57:55the first one was part of some bigger supernatural mystery.

00:58:01I can speculate, Rosalind,

00:58:03till the cows come home about what happened that day at midnight.

00:58:11Some kind of initiation rite for the new girl that went horribly wrong.

00:58:19The cruelest irony.

00:58:22She was so desperate to join.

00:58:25Of course, we told her she'd first of all have to prove herself.

00:58:29Survive this fiendish endurance test we'd prepared for her.

00:58:35Time has come.

00:58:37Midnight has come as cool.

00:58:40The witch.

00:58:41The witch.

00:58:43Prepare you now to join the daughters of Morsal.

00:58:45The sisters of Cersei.

00:58:47And nor shall you cry.

00:58:50They are going to face more.

00:58:54What we had no way of knowing.

00:59:03How could we possibly have known?

00:59:05She had an allergy to bees.

00:59:08Something we found out by purest chance weeks, months later.

00:59:14Till my dying day.

00:59:16I'll never forget the way she struggled.

00:59:18She was trying to tell us.

00:59:22Her life was in danger.

00:59:25Somewhere along the line, her heart gave out.

00:59:27The fear.

00:59:30The sheer terror.

00:59:32She just stopped breathing.

00:59:34What could we do to our eternal shame?

00:59:45We did nothing.

00:59:49None of this ever happened.

00:59:54Our minds were already so crammed with make-believe.

00:59:58Was it one more act of rebellion?

01:00:00To create this monstrous lie?

01:00:03We'd have to live with for the rest of our days.

01:00:08Sister!

01:00:13Even when she wrote to me, Beth, and sent me the photo.

01:00:19How could I bear, even now, to look into those eyes?

01:00:24How could I seek forgiveness when there was no one there?

01:00:39You'll see my problem.

01:00:42Existence of a supreme being.

01:00:45Maybe one for another day.

01:00:46But whoever those fingers belonged to, you touched in that room.

01:00:51It certainly wasn't God or any saint.

01:00:55If it wasn't for the setting.

01:00:57Girls' convent school.

01:01:00Any kind of instant religious experience in the mid-60s.

01:01:05It would take a lot of explaining.

01:01:06Especially when you factor in a supply of sugar cubes.

01:01:09Did they even have any idea what they were playing about with?

01:01:14Because it seemed like it was a mess.

01:01:16Only because she left the car of

01:01:23You could look at the car on your old moi.

01:01:25I wish not to be here.

01:01:27You could make it like a patient.

01:01:29I have to tell you stop it already.

01:01:31And do nothing.

01:01:31Be careful of it, or is something.

01:01:32Something's left the car I need.

01:01:35Now you can do nothing.

01:01:37I have to get rid of you.

01:01:37When you walk about it.

01:01:39If you do nothing, I invite you.

01:01:40I might have to get rid of you.

01:01:41Polly's in New York, did she say?

01:01:59Yeah, till Monday.

01:02:03She's a lucky girl.

01:02:11She's a lucky girl.

01:02:41Yeah, she was here.

01:02:43She only just left.

01:02:45Actually, we got to the bottom of a couple of things, which...

01:02:49Sorry, when was this?

01:02:51Down here.

01:02:52Someone called Eileen Aubrey.

01:02:55Wanted her to meet up at 8 o'clock tonight in the East Barn.

01:02:59I looked up the name.

01:03:00She writes for one of these TV trade papers, but...

01:03:03Well, that time of night...

01:03:05I don't know.

01:03:05Someone's up to something around here.

01:03:07What if it's some kind of set-up?

01:03:08I mean, I don't know.

01:03:11Whoever tried to throw on me in that room, what if they got the same treatment?

01:03:15I don't know.

01:03:24I see him.

01:03:27I see him.

01:03:28Get up.

01:03:30Later.

01:03:31Now.

01:04:25You're not telling me this is what that secret society was all about?

01:04:36Only one of your soppy magic circle outfits?

01:04:39That's what it was that was missing from that photo.

01:04:55I can see it now, plain as day.

01:05:04Africa.

01:05:06What?

01:05:09No sign of Fariba here, I noticed.

01:05:12And it's just going up to eight o'clock now.

01:05:14Hang on.

01:05:22East Barn, you said.

01:05:25But if the moon's over there...

01:05:26No, I wrote it down.

01:05:29That's exactly what she put.

01:05:31She didn't say she put full stop.

01:05:34So?

01:05:35Because it's not East Barn at all, is it?

01:05:37E.A. Eileen Aubrey, St. Barnabas.

01:05:43We're in the wrong place.

01:05:44E.A. Eileen Aubrey, St. Barnabas.

01:05:58I don't know.

01:06:22I don't know.

01:06:52I don't know.

01:07:22It's some, some danger.

01:07:24I followed you.

01:07:25Don't try to talk.

01:07:26Oh, my God.

01:07:31Oh, my God.

01:07:47You always said there are some things we can never know.

01:08:09So is this what I have to admit?

01:08:19You're right.

01:08:20What a bore.

01:08:39Oh, my God.

01:09:09It turns out to have been at the very heart of this illusion, an illusion as ingenious as it was macabre, and perpetrated, it seems, for the most perverse of motives.

01:09:18The disappearing body deprived us of one crucial piece of information that would have unraveled this case in seconds, how the victim was killed.

01:09:29No body, but there was a photo, a photo that confirmed what everyone saw, Franklin Tartikoff lying against the wall, one arm behind his back, the other hand in his pocket.

01:09:44distinctly odd, distinctly odd, and clearly deliberately engineered by another party, but why?

01:09:50Now, a fleeting image last night of a revolving pumpkin suddenly unlocked it for me, what it was that had changed between these two pictures before and after the body disappeared,

01:10:04And the logic of which led directly to the reason why that hand had to be kept out of sight in that pocket, because there was no hand.

01:10:17But for all his credentials as this iconic polymath, there was a lighter side, wasn't there, to your father, that was all of a piece with his early work in TV and radio,

01:10:30and yet another passion, that he took a mischievous delight in keeping secret.

01:10:37M.O. de Kite. Tell no one.

01:10:43The society was very strict about all that. Like everything he turned his mind to, magic became quite a skill, rather like yourself, he had all these amazing ideas for different props, key design, I...

01:11:00put together.

01:11:02And we'd meet up.

01:11:04to make sure it all worked.

01:11:10Hey.

01:11:12Yeah, what's that?

01:11:14It's pretty well, don't they?

01:11:16In some ways, the perfect night for it.

01:11:19It took me three weeks to build.

01:11:29A woman's saw in half and the blade appears to go right through into the wood.

01:11:35We were all set to give it a trial run...

01:11:38when it happened.

01:11:39when it happened.

01:11:40I don't know.

01:12:10There was only one person I could think of turning to.

01:12:18I don't know.

01:12:22Franklin.

01:12:25I always knew there was something else.

01:12:29The way he was with me.

01:12:33It wasn't such a secret around here.

01:12:36What if no one believed me?

01:12:39What if they thought I'd done it?

01:12:50All I could think about was my mother.

01:12:54Somehow, if I could make it look like he'd never left the house,

01:12:59at least she'd be spread the worst of that horror.

01:13:01Look at me.

01:13:02It was like, in some weird way, I was being tested.

01:13:07This was my chance to make it happen.

01:13:10What cannot be explained?

01:13:12What?

01:13:21What?

01:13:21Let's go.

01:13:51Let's go.

01:14:21Let's go.

01:14:51Let's go.

01:15:21Let's go.

01:15:22Let's go.

01:15:23Let's go.

01:15:24Let's go.

01:15:25Let's go.

01:15:26Let's go.

01:15:27Let's go.

01:15:28Let's go.

01:15:29Let's go.

01:15:31Let's go.

01:15:33Let's go.

01:15:38Let's go.

01:15:39Let's go.

01:15:40Let's go.

01:15:41Let's go.

01:15:42Let's go.

01:15:48Let's go.

01:15:49Let's go.

01:15:50Let's go.

01:15:51Amazingly, I found a few minutes

01:16:05before the police arrived to recover it all.

01:16:17The fact that that globe had revolved 180 degrees

01:16:20of course proved nothing,

01:16:22but it was enough to trigger the only real insight

01:16:25that made any sense here,

01:16:27that all we actually need to think we've seen a body

01:16:29is the head.

01:16:31The rest, more or less, we don't even question,

01:16:34except for the hands.

01:16:37And that was where it all started to unravel.

01:16:44Maybe...

01:16:45Maybe I just dared to hope somewhere in that night of hell

01:16:48there was some purpose.

01:16:52That I could take her to a place where

01:16:54science would desert her.

01:17:00Before she left us,

01:17:02something deeper or meaningful

01:17:06might find its way into her life.

01:17:07Of course, we still don't know who or what made that statue come down.

01:17:27Or why the flat of a retired postmistress called Greta Portland

01:17:30had been turned over and not a penny stolen.

01:17:33Accident?

01:17:36Coincidence?

01:17:37Maybe.

01:17:39Or maybe there's one more sting in the tail here

01:17:41yet we can't foresee.

01:17:49One for the professionals, I think.

01:17:51There you go, staring us bright in the face again as usual.

01:18:16What?

01:18:16I'll tell you in a bit.

01:18:19Suffice to say that on this occasion,

01:18:21predictive texts would have done us all a very big favour.

01:18:24Yep, got that.

01:18:48That's great.

01:18:49Um, I do kind of need to, yeah.

01:18:54If this checks out, God only knows what's going to kick off.

01:18:56Oh, great.

01:18:58And so what about Arabella's 40th?

01:19:00I mean, what time are you going to be...

01:19:02I'll give you a call, okay?

01:19:04Oh, and if anyone else comes asking for that address,

01:19:07very sorry, but you can't help.

01:19:09Okay?

01:19:10Yeah, take care.

01:19:11Bye.

01:19:12Bye.

01:19:13Bye.

01:19:14Bye.

01:19:15Bye.

01:19:16Bye.

01:19:17Bye.

01:19:18Bye.

01:19:19So this person I'm about to meet, when you say keep an open mind,

01:19:37what's that supposed to mean?

01:19:40Jonathan, hi.

01:19:41I got your message.

01:19:42Jacqueline, this is Joey.

01:19:45So I think you've got a DVD we might be interested in.

01:19:48How often does it happen?

01:19:59We all type great and get Greta.

01:20:04I'd even seen it.

01:20:06I guessed this a few weeks ago.

01:20:07Don't think you know Jack, producer extraordinaire.

01:20:09You're still based in Houston, if I remember that right?

01:20:12Actually, I'm talking of Santa.

01:20:13Did you have any luck with that demo tape?

01:20:14Did you ask me?

01:20:15Yes, of course.

01:20:16Yes, of course.

01:20:17No.

01:20:18I had some fanciful notion if we could sell it as a series, he might come on board in an

01:20:23advisory capacity.

01:20:28So if we can maintain that picture, which seems to be working well for us at the moment,

01:20:33if we can get 50% of the media to swallow our story, then we're home and dry.

01:20:38My God, is that a...

01:20:39Blame on to the corporations, you mean?

01:20:40How did you get hold of this?

01:20:42No.

01:20:43No.

01:20:45Go Gordon.

01:20:46Day35.

01:20:47Member.

01:20:48?'

01:20:49No.

01:20:50No.

01:20:51Fire added.

01:20:53What then?

01:20:55You'll find man.

01:21:01How do youized it all?

01:21:03I left.

01:21:05Solid shot fire.

01:21:06Well, I'm gobsmacked.

01:21:26Can you imagine if this went public?

01:21:28This is what everyone's been saying for the last ten years.

01:21:30I mean, complete and absolute proof they were all lying through their teeth.

01:21:34It's lethal.

01:21:36What's known in the business, I think, as a smoking gun.

01:21:39Or at least it would be, if any of it was real.

01:21:43The production we were more than happy with.

01:21:46Uncanny lookalikes and some brilliant mimics for the voices.

01:21:49I just felt as late-night satire, it was all a bit clunky.

01:21:54Whereas Franklin, I know, would have given it some wit.

01:21:57Well, how scary is it that certain people in very high places

01:22:01appear to have somehow got wind of this footage

01:22:03and took it completely at face value?

01:22:07Then everything we're told never happens in real life,

01:22:10tracking down every copy of the DVD

01:22:12and neutralising anyone who might have known about it,

01:22:15it's been going on right under our noses.

01:22:19Oh, God.

01:22:22Because Fariba works in documentaries, she could have been a threat.

01:22:26And that chainsaw coming to bits...

01:22:28You don't think that would...

01:22:31Oh, God, Polly!

01:22:44How is that a smart move?

01:22:47Come on.

01:22:49It's OK, you can all relax.

01:22:53Don't!

01:22:54We've just got one little job to take care of.

01:22:57And then we'll be out of your hair.

01:22:59Just so we've got all bases covered.

01:23:20You don't need to do this. None of that's real!

01:23:21Insurance policy.

01:23:27We'll see what you make of this locked room.

01:23:30OK.

01:23:32That had to be a killjoy, but that's not going to work, I'm afraid.

01:23:38No, no!

01:23:39Don't you think so?

01:23:43Try.

01:23:44Yes, it's dangerous stuff, Petrel.

01:24:05When I got my lads to search your car this morning,

01:24:07I couldn't quite work out what it was doing there,

01:24:09so I had them replace it with diluted apple juice.

01:24:12Hell of a lot safer.

01:24:13And healthier, too, you'll find.

01:24:15I don't think so, matey girl.

01:24:23Scott, you lot took your time.

01:24:24Go on, back to the neck with them.

01:24:25The fun's over.

01:24:27Move!

01:24:30Hold on. Hold on.

01:24:32I'm standing down.

01:24:42It all had to start somewhere.

01:24:55I'm afraid it started with me.

01:24:58A man who couldn't keep his mouth shut.

01:25:03That last day,

01:25:05I went round to check him over.

01:25:07I found myself alone in the study.

01:25:10Ah, that'll be for a reason.

01:25:12She said she didn't leave you there.

01:25:13Do you mind?

01:25:14I don't know.

01:25:14I don't know if you're almost done.

01:25:22It was devastating stuff,

01:25:25as I thought.

01:25:27I mean,

01:25:28absolute political dynamite.

01:25:30I may have mentioned it the next day

01:25:33to a friend at the golf club.

01:25:35A gentleman,

01:25:36well, let's say,

01:25:37rather well placed in Whitehall.

01:25:42We can only guess how far it went.

01:25:45Up the ladder.

01:25:47Far enough, at any rate,

01:25:48for a couple of specialists

01:25:49to be planted on my team,

01:25:51having already set about their dirty work.

01:25:53It took me a while to rumble that one,

01:26:04I'm afraid.

01:26:04Who else could have beaten me

01:26:05to that false lead in Derbyshire?

01:26:08They'll take the rap for all this today,

01:26:10but that's about all.

01:26:11Far too smart to leave any footprints.

01:26:14You like the people they're protecting?

01:26:16Well, we all know how it works.

01:26:17Smooth tongue,

01:26:18big smile,

01:26:19and the right hand gestures.

01:26:20You really can get away with murder.

01:26:23Anyway, thanks.

01:26:25No, thank you.

01:26:26Enjoy the rest of your Sunday.

01:26:33In deciphering the puzzle,

01:26:34my attention was drawn to several key details.

01:26:36The prints of the shoes,

01:26:37which had landed in a most unusual position

01:26:39against the wall.

01:26:40The way the globe had turned around,

01:26:42suggesting it might have been opened up

01:26:44and used as some kind of hiding place.

01:26:46And then you go through all the various clues.

01:26:48I mean, it's brilliant!

01:26:49Because obviously I know his nibs

01:26:50has got no taste anymore

01:26:51for that kind of publicity.

01:26:52Wouldn't do his new career in the city much good.

01:26:55Oh, God, no.

01:26:55You've got to keep his name out.

01:26:58So, filming an advert for Weetabix,

01:27:00how does that work, then?

01:27:01You get the rushes every day, presumably.

01:27:03Stop it!

01:27:04She's a riot.

01:27:06Oh, no, listen.

01:27:08I think you made the right decision.

01:27:10I will admit,

01:27:11I couldn't see it at first,

01:27:12but all this post-modern detective malarkey,

01:27:15you're right,

01:27:16it's a young man's game.

01:27:18You don't want to get to the point

01:27:19where you're just embarrassing yourself.

01:27:20And she'll be good for you.

01:27:23Nice choice.

01:27:26There's someone called Brad.

01:27:29Oh, was he that guy

01:27:31that you, um...

01:27:34Forgive me, Jonathan,

01:27:38but you'll understand

01:27:38why I couldn't bear to keep this.

01:27:40Although it may seem ghoulish,

01:27:43I felt you were the one person

01:27:44who would truly appreciate

01:27:45its finer points.

01:27:47Ah.

01:27:49So there you go, then.

01:27:50A little toy for you to play with.

01:27:52So where did you first meet

01:27:55this character, anyway?

01:27:57In miserable bastards' convention.

01:27:59I know what you'd be doing.

01:28:00That's a lovely story.

01:28:02A friend of mine took me to see

01:28:03this magic show,

01:28:04which is just so not my scene.

01:28:06Oh, I know what you mean.

01:28:07It's this weird little world

01:28:09they all live in, don't they?

01:28:10They know it's a con.

01:28:11We know it's a con.

01:28:13They know we know it's a con.

01:28:15At the end of the day,

01:28:15you're all like,

01:28:16who's fooling who?

01:28:17You might want to get out more.

01:28:19And here's an idea.

01:28:20Don't be such a dick.

01:28:22Oh, sorry.

01:28:24How was it?

01:28:25Did you have any joy?

01:28:28Sadly not.

01:28:52I know.

01:28:58I know.

01:29:00I know.

01:29:04I know.

01:29:05I know.

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