- 2 days ago
First broadcast 21st February 2004.
A respected police officer is photographed in suspicious circumstances.
Adrian Edmondson - Brendan Baxter
Julia Sawalha - Carla Borrego
Frank Boyce - Waterboard Worker
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek
Andrew Buckley - Marty
Stuart Milligan - Adam Klaus
Colin McFarlane - Inspector Fell
Fergus Craig - Paramedic
Steve Speirs - Herbie Bryant
Myra McFadyen - Hattie Baron
Colin Hill - MacDonald/Security Officer
Robert Purdy - Officer
Jordan Long - Roy
Petra Letang - Jessica
Keith How - Taxi Driver
Sandy Johnson - Casualty Doctor
A respected police officer is photographed in suspicious circumstances.
Adrian Edmondson - Brendan Baxter
Julia Sawalha - Carla Borrego
Frank Boyce - Waterboard Worker
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek
Andrew Buckley - Marty
Stuart Milligan - Adam Klaus
Colin McFarlane - Inspector Fell
Fergus Craig - Paramedic
Steve Speirs - Herbie Bryant
Myra McFadyen - Hattie Baron
Colin Hill - MacDonald/Security Officer
Robert Purdy - Officer
Jordan Long - Roy
Petra Letang - Jessica
Keith How - Taxi Driver
Sandy Johnson - Casualty Doctor
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:00.
00:00:05.
00:00:19Oh, my God.
00:00:49Oh, my God.
00:01:19Three days and I still keep forgetting.
00:01:23Are they ever going to get this sorted out?
00:01:24The mysteries of a block, strange, are none asked to fathom.
00:01:27I'm sure they're at the top of their game out there.
00:01:29Yeah, what game's that? Gin rummy.
00:01:32Don't think this is too much. On the road with the Rossers.
00:01:36I don't want to look too frivolous, observing serious police work.
00:01:39Nor do you want to disappoint the 80% of your male fan base who find you pretty under pressure.
00:01:43So, it's just a question of striking a balance.
00:01:47Good God, would you credit it?
00:01:50Remember that colonoscopy I had last month?
00:01:52Not likely to forget. What about it?
00:01:55It's been nominated for an award.
00:01:57Don't be ridiculous.
00:01:58Well, as good as.
00:01:59It says here, a panel of top consultants deemed the high resolution and advanced fibre optic technology
00:02:04to have produced a near textbook study of intestinal polyps.
00:02:08Apparently, it's being put forward as a possible reference source at a major London teaching hospital.
00:02:13Well, I never did.
00:02:14So, I suppose I'm going to have to go out there again, am I?
00:02:17And make an exhibition of myself?
00:02:19I can't believe you'd go and hire a contraption like that.
00:02:22It's one thing to have it on a film unit, but stuck outside your house.
00:02:25I don't know what I'm up against.
00:02:27I suspect the competition will be fierce, but...
00:02:29Sorry, love.
00:02:30Yeah, look, it's that Carla. What's her name? What's the telly?
00:02:45I've got this.
00:02:46All right.
00:02:47What, do you want to spend a penny, girl?
00:02:50Carla Moreno.
00:02:51Hey, welcome me by your email.
00:02:55Woo-hoo!
00:02:55We get everywhere.
00:03:00We get everywhere.
00:03:30Marty?
00:03:34Marty!
00:03:35Oh, morning, Mr. Creek.
00:03:37Let's have a quick zizz there.
00:03:39How's it all going?
00:03:40Don't ask. Have you got the...
00:03:42Oh, yeah, sorry.
00:03:47Are you all right down there still?
00:03:49Your brain's not getting starved of oxygen or anything.
00:03:52Who is this?
00:03:54It's me, Adam.
00:03:55Right. I knew that, of course.
00:03:59And tell me, Adam, how long have I been down here?
00:04:03Just coming up for four days now, and to be honest, I think the disorientation's starting to kick in.
00:04:08No, no, no, I'm good, good.
00:04:10I trained myself to the feek of physical thickness, remember?
00:04:14The only real problem I've been encountering is I think I'm getting some vibrations down here from the circle and district line.
00:04:22It's like, every five minutes, when a train goes through, it gets kind of jittery.
00:04:29Actually, Adam, I'm afraid we've had orders to bring you up from the powers that be.
00:04:35Apparently, two young women filed an official complaint against you yesterday on grounds of sexual harassment.
00:04:41Sexual harassment? I'm six feet underground.
00:04:45They claim you were looking up their skirts.
00:04:48I know, I know.
00:04:50Well, they say you were in a clear state of arousal and, worst of all, appeared to be physically stimulating yourself.
00:04:57Oh, man. You have got to be joking.
00:05:0512.25 to Up, Insta.
00:05:1010.35am, and news of a particularly gruesome motorcycle accident, in which both victims were tragically decapitated,
00:05:18has brought us here to Barnstead General Hospital.
00:05:21Detective Inspector Adrian Fell, cool, calm and detached as ever, as he goes about his grisly business.
00:05:35The heads are on the wrong bodies.
00:05:40How can you tell?
00:05:43You've got a black guy and a white guy.
00:05:45Call it intuition.
00:05:47This is just sloppiness.
00:05:4811.15am, and in response to an urgent message from a colleague, we're now heading across town to check out a mysterious sudden death
00:05:59that may or may not turn out to be sinister.
00:06:03We've got a name yet for this guy?
00:06:04Modish Rampo, single, retired bookmaker, lived alone.
00:06:09People next door say they're here to...
00:06:10Sorry.
00:06:11This is?
00:06:12Oh, eyes and ears, tracking the Met for a week as part of a new primetime reality strand.
00:06:16It has all been cleared.
00:06:17In fact, if I could ask you to give us a bit more level, that would be super.
00:06:21Carla Borrego, Herbie Bryant.
00:06:23So, yes.
00:06:25Neighbours heard?
00:06:27Some kind of loud and very violent struggle going on last night about 11.
00:06:32Very helpfully kept it to themselves.
00:06:34Alarm was raised by the cleaning lady this morning when she couldn't get into his bedroom on account of...
00:06:40These.
00:06:42A couple of sawed-off drawboats, both of which had clearly been shot by someone inside the room.
00:06:49As you can see, it took some fancy footwork to get past them.
00:06:55And when we did...
00:07:07Windows were all secure on this side.
00:07:09You know, I got one of my belly aches.
00:07:17Tell me something's not right in here.
00:07:18Yes, sir.
00:07:20Good morning.
00:07:38So here we are at the very coalface of the investigation process, the air heavy with a cloying sense of death. You could almost cut with a nut.
00:08:08This morning, more chaos on the tubes as another power cut hits London during the rush hour and this is affecting very best.
00:08:38Bag, Sergeant. What's this? Has he got hungry in the night? Nothing so mundane, apparently. By a long way.
00:08:58Got your pen knife?
00:09:08There we go then. What's your bellyache tell you about this? One, two, three. Four pairs of pajamas, all with a walnut sewn inside the jacket.
00:09:38You've had two public warnings, but it just doesn't seem to penetrate, does it?
00:09:53That's a criminal like your commitment. Do you like that?
00:09:55And the tragedy is I'll probably get away with it. We are so overstretched at the moment.
00:09:59Now, the other side of that tape, please. I won't tell you again. All right?
00:10:03I'm afraid what appears to have killed our friend in there is a condition called sleep apnea.
00:10:15Cessation of breathing while in a deep sleep for reasons often unknown that can be aggravated by obesity and occasionally lead to congestive heart failure.
00:10:24A lot of patients only get it when they're on their back. The solution to which is to sew a small, hard object like a walnut into your nightshirt to force you onto your side.
00:10:33Of course, if it happens to accidentally slip out.
00:10:38You're kidding. I'm impressed.
00:10:41Don't be. It was on that medical book on the bedside table.
00:10:44Paige, I've been dogging. It was obviously something he suffered from.
00:10:47The fact that his TV was tuned to Channel 5 during a late-night Michael Winner season could account for the nasty noises coming through the wars.
00:10:54Um...
00:10:56Is it my imagination or has he lost weight?
00:10:59Hey, you got a job to do. I got a job to do.
00:11:11What are you up?
00:11:12Ah!
00:11:13Next time, we'll have your toe tagged.
00:11:16Just because I'm not some fluffy bit of skirt off the box, I tell you, one of these days you're bastards.
00:11:21Yeah? You do what?
00:11:24One of these days.
00:11:26Nah, it was nothing in the end.
00:11:29Some old goat, I don't know, choked in his sleep or something.
00:11:32So, what's new? Any posts for me or messages?
00:11:35Nah, whatever. Open it.
00:11:41See you again?
00:11:42Hang on. I've got to write this down.
00:11:49Go to...
00:11:50Yeah.
00:11:52I think I know that.
00:11:53Tomorrow night.
00:11:5812.30.
00:12:01That all it says?
00:12:04No. No, I heard you.
00:12:08Just wonder what the hell it means.
00:12:10Yes, it's been totally fascinating, actually, observing first-hand how a real detective works.
00:12:21The amazing Inspector Fell.
00:12:22Good.
00:12:23Oh, such a sharp mind. I've never seen anything like it.
00:12:26He solved a sealed room mystery yesterday in, what, five minutes?
00:12:30What appeared to be this bizarre impossible murder turned out to have the simplest explanation.
00:12:35So, tune in this evening, 9pm. You may find it illuminating.
00:12:39Is this coming with us or staying behind?
00:12:41Oh, OK. I'm going to need that next week at the theatre, Bill, if you can just stick it on the truck.
00:12:45Cheers.
00:12:47OK. Look out for it.
00:12:48And I'll see you around.
00:12:49And I'll see you around.
00:12:50Yeah.
00:12:55Adam!
00:12:56How are you feeling?
00:12:58Yeah, I bet.
00:12:59Now you're back in the land of the living.
00:13:02Well, there's big public endurance numbers, all a load of toss, really, aren't they?
00:13:06Bet you won't be trying another mad idea like that in a hurry.
00:13:10Sorry?
00:13:13That one insane moment there, I thought I heard you say...
00:13:16Please tell me I was imagining it.
00:13:46What happened to her.
00:13:48But then I was imagining it.
00:13:50It's telling me it all.
00:13:51I saw it all.
00:13:52I didn't know.
00:13:53Which one of her?
00:13:54Why did I just ask you to look on as an example?
00:13:55What happened?
00:13:56What happened to her?
00:13:57It's an obvious.
00:13:58What happened to her?
00:13:59I don't know.
00:14:00Pretty much later than they were talking about her.
00:14:01What happened to her?
00:14:02It was looking for a George's dear.
00:14:04All of her, what happened to her.
00:14:05What happened?
00:14:07In her?
00:14:08In her age, it was now.
00:14:11I, in my age.
00:14:13What happened to her?
00:14:14Was it a Silva?
00:14:15I don't know.
00:14:45I don't know.
00:15:15I don't know.
00:15:45I don't know.
00:16:15I don't know.
00:16:16Absolutely not.
00:16:17What, I'm going to make a thing like this up?
00:16:19No way was he there in business.
00:16:21The guy's wiping off fingerprints, for God's sake.
00:16:24He's still there.
00:16:26Hello?
00:16:28No, it's cool.
00:16:33I mean, I'm in a box.
00:16:35I mean, God alone knows what we're sitting on here, Ray.
00:16:38But I tell you, someone knew this was going to happen and wanted to drop him in it.
00:16:41And whoever it was...
00:16:42Holy shit!
00:16:44Oh, fuck!
00:16:46Oh, fuck!
00:16:47Oh, what is this when it's at home?
00:16:48Hmm?
00:16:49Hmm?
00:16:50Oh, I know.
00:16:51I was very lucky to get hold of that.
00:16:52They don't usually send copies out.
00:16:54It's not a fully graded print, of course, but I thought I might cast my eye over it tonight.
00:17:11I'll get some popcorn in.
00:17:12Okay, so it's fist, then crutch, in you go.
00:17:13Knee right up, hard in the bottom.
00:17:14There!
00:17:15Now, Dave.
00:17:16You want to try it again?
00:17:17Yeah, yeah.
00:17:18Ah, man himself.
00:17:19Thanks for dropping by.
00:17:20Just wondered what your thoughts were on this one.
00:17:35The woman appears to have topped herself, but we've got the feeling there might be more
00:17:40to it.
00:17:41Oh, yes, and what did you make of our little curiosity on Tuesday?
00:17:45The affair of the five walnuts, unravelled rather deftly, I thought, by the local plop.
00:17:49Hmm.
00:17:50As solutions go, it came virtually gift-wrapped, wouldn't you say?
00:17:54A medical book right next to the bed, marked at a page that conveniently explained his condition.
00:18:00Didn't it strike you there's something very odd about the way those patches have been sewn
00:18:04into his pyjamas?
00:18:05It's almost as if...
00:18:08Wasn't that right?
00:18:11Only passed me later.
00:18:13Hello.
00:18:14We start tonight with the disturbing case of a female lawyer, whose body was found two
00:18:19nights ago hanging from a light fitting in her office in North London.
00:18:23A suicide?
00:18:24You decide.
00:18:25Marian Crespo was a solicitor in her mid-forties, whose work for the Crown over the past ten years
00:18:37had led to scores of successful prosecutions.
00:18:40Sadly, we can only speculate as to the horrors that took place in this office in the last
00:18:46few minutes of her life.
00:18:47As she sat at her desk working late into the night, was she disturbed perhaps by a violent
00:18:53intruder?
00:18:54Did she lash out in a desperate bid to escape, before being overpowered by her assailant,
00:19:01who then strung her up from the ceiling to create the impression she'd hanged herself?
00:19:09Remember, the images you've just seen are based on conjecture, not fact.
00:19:13But bear these points in mind.
00:19:15One.
00:19:16Marian Crespo was happily married, with no history of depression and no motive, as far as anyone
00:19:22could see, to take her own life.
00:19:24Two.
00:19:25How could she possibly have hanged herself in the dark, given that when she was found,
00:19:30the lights in the room had all been switched off?
00:19:33And three.
00:19:34Who had been chewing the lump of gum that was found in this plant pot?
00:19:39Gum that, according to cleaning staff, was certainly not there when they left the premises
00:19:44at half-par...
00:19:45Ugh!
00:19:46This is disgusting!
00:19:47Has this been in someone's mouth?
00:19:49Right, come on, guys, let's get this sorted.
00:19:52That'll be ten minutes, everyone, while we reset the nail polish.
00:20:14Shh?
00:20:15The growing strength match.
00:20:16The awful thing has been called, man, before the
00:20:43Baxter? Hi, where are you? I just got back. Listen, you'll be thrilled to know we're
00:21:07now back on mains drainage. Subject to some camera tests or something they've got to do
00:21:11in the pipes to see if there are any routes coming through. But the dreaded honey wagon
00:21:15has now been safely dispatched and out of our lives. Yes, well, not entirely, Brendan.
00:21:20Where the bloody hell do you think I'm ringing from? I've been banging and shouting myself
00:21:26horse in here. Well, this is a bit of a pickle. I don't know what to say. I think he said
00:21:33he was off to Nottingham. Nottingham?
00:21:41Yes? Oh, hi. How are you?
00:21:56Oh, God. This is service. Thank you. Unfortunately, I've got no money on me. Nothing.
00:22:15That's all right, Miss Borrego. We've been instructed to ask if you have any plans for dinner.
00:22:26I'm covering the lake with the bait next. I'll work good luck. See you soon.
00:22:28I'm covering the lake with the bait next. I'll work good luck. See you soon.
00:22:30Yeah, see you.
00:22:57God, you're slow, isn't it, Hattie Baron?
00:23:06Must be a slow week.
00:23:08What's your wills?
00:23:09Temporarily off the road.
00:23:11What's he up to now, any wee gormless tit?
00:23:13I thought after that coffin stunt, he'd have learnt his lesson.
00:23:17Guy got crucified.
00:23:18And then some.
00:23:20No, you misunderstand.
00:23:27It's a funny, isn't it?
00:23:44When people ask me what first attracted me to this business,
00:23:47the word I might one day get to scrape bird crap off a guy on a cross
00:23:52rarely spring to my lips.
00:23:54All the balmy publicity stunt.
00:23:56Hey, people think I'm a quitter, they can think again.
00:24:01This is about the power of the human will, Jonathan.
00:24:04To confront a challenge as old as mankind itself.
00:24:07Let the world bear witness.
00:24:09This is no trick.
00:24:10A triumph of belief and determination over adversity.
00:24:14And this time, I'm not going to give them any reason to stop me.
00:24:18Are you seriously planning to stay up here for seven days?
00:24:21You'll go slowly out of your mind.
00:24:23Can you move those two girls away, please?
00:24:27I'm in danger of seeing down their blouses.
00:24:30See?
00:24:32It started.
00:24:33You do that show with lovely, what's her name?
00:24:52Blondie on the beat.
00:24:54Try not to make a habit of it.
00:24:56Well, you might want to give her some advice.
00:24:57To be very careful about the company she keeps.
00:25:01That lady lawyer, they found her in a noose.
00:25:05I know who did it.
00:25:09And I've got it on film.
00:25:12Slight problem at the moment.
00:25:14It's in the boot of my car and my car's been nicked.
00:25:17And without evidence, I promise you, no one's going to believe me.
00:25:20Either way, shouldn't you go to the police?
00:25:21That's where I have a problem.
00:25:29One of my late wife's many fine bequests.
00:25:36I can give you the recipe.
00:25:38Anyway, thanks.
00:25:40For giving me a reason not to eat off my lap tonight.
00:25:43Well, it beats an evening in staring at my husband's colon.
00:25:49Let's not go there.
00:25:51And it's been great, you know, to fill in a bit of background.
00:25:55I mean, God, it's got to be a nightmare, your job.
00:25:58Headless bodies first thing in the morning.
00:26:01I suppose I'm fascinated to know what sort of person can cope with all that.
00:26:06Someone who can take death in their stride, I suppose.
00:26:10Oh, sorry, can I...
00:26:12Hello, Carla Borrego.
00:26:21Actually, not that convenient, Jonathan, as it happens at...
00:26:29What?
00:26:33What was this?
00:26:40So what exactly are you telling me?
00:26:42Right.
00:26:47I think I've got that.
00:26:49And I'll probably call you later then.
00:26:53Okay.
00:26:54Bye.
00:26:58Well, I suppose I'd better be getting along now, really, so...
00:27:01Well, when you've had your coffee...
00:27:03Well, thanks.
00:27:04It'll be hard.
00:27:24Yes.
00:27:26Death...
00:27:27...is a big subject.
00:27:29It is.
00:27:29Too big for most people.
00:27:34It frightens them.
00:27:37So they...
00:27:38Close their eyes.
00:27:43Box it away.
00:27:45And try to forget that it's going to happen.
00:27:51Only one day we all have to be prepared.
00:27:54You know, to...
00:27:56Open that box.
00:27:59And maybe...
00:28:00We shouldn't be scared of what's inside.
00:28:04Maybe we...
00:28:09We...
00:28:11Sorry.
00:28:18You're busy.
00:28:20I'll let you...
00:28:21No, I was just going, so, um...
00:28:23Got my message, then.
00:28:26A phone call would have been nice.
00:28:27I've had things to do.
00:28:29And I'm here.
00:28:30Right?
00:28:31Right.
00:28:32You know, my daughter and I have things to discuss.
00:28:35So, let's see if we can get you a cab.
00:28:44Lovely.
00:28:45That's been so kind of you, then.
00:28:46And you'll get this back first thing tomorrow.
00:28:48Oh, goodnight.
00:28:48Goodnight.
00:28:49Actually, um...
00:28:58Just here will be great.
00:29:00Thanks.
00:29:15Why didn't you tell me about this, Jessica?
00:29:17Why?
00:29:17Because it's not true, is why.
00:29:20I don't know what more you want.
00:29:22It's like everything you've asked of me.
00:29:24You know?
00:29:25I did it.
00:29:27I mean, this is...
00:29:29I don't know what this is.
00:29:30And I don't know why we have to even discuss it.
00:29:33Because we have a contract, Jessica.
00:29:36Both of us.
00:29:37With Mr. G.
00:29:39And I think we might just care what he's going to make of it all.
00:29:42Yeah, I'm sorry, okay?
00:29:50But you know...
00:29:53I have to do this.
00:29:57I am sorry.
00:30:10I don't know.
00:30:15I don't know.
00:30:17I don't know.
00:30:17I don't know.
00:30:19Hello? Is there anyone about?
00:30:44Just shut the door, OK? Get over there.
00:30:46What are you, Dick Turpin?
00:30:47Just watch where you're treading.
00:30:50Like a major Tracey M in retrospective. God, spare us.
00:30:54After what you told me on the phone, it all started to snowball suddenly in my mind.
00:30:58That gum they found in the plant pot.
00:31:01Well, of course he chews gum.
00:31:03And if there's any of it here in his rubbish,
00:31:06we could get it checked for DNA or whatever and see if they match.
00:31:09And while I'm doing that, there's a whole file of stuff on her over there,
00:31:13our lynched lady lawyer, which might yield a clue.
00:31:17So you want to make yourself useful?
00:31:21I tell you, I wasn't half relieved when that daughter of his showed up tonight.
00:31:25Just as he's giving me this weird number about preparing yourself for death.
00:31:30Then later on, when I snuck back, he was waving these papers at her
00:31:34and going on about a contract with someone called Mr G.
00:31:39But what was creepy?
00:31:42I don't know.
00:31:44He'd got like this small wooden casket.
00:31:47It was just about to open, which I can't explain.
00:31:51It felt like it had some kind of strange power.
00:31:55Like the one in Hellraiser,
00:31:57whose demonic portal spewed forth the progeny of the damned.
00:32:01If we could just raise our game for a moment
00:32:05above the level of the school playground
00:32:07and try and be sensible about this.
00:32:09Yes, coming from someone who's looking for a lump of spearmint
00:32:12up a chicken's bottom,
00:32:14that's sound advice.
00:32:15I think we need to concentrate on essentials here, don't we?
00:32:20Like if he did go there deliberately to kill her,
00:32:23who would have known about it in advance
00:32:25and wanted to tip off the press
00:32:27so it would all be caught on camera.
00:32:30What?
00:32:36March 87, she put together a very strong case
00:32:39against a couple of East End professionals.
00:32:42Jason Lee and Patrick MacDonald,
00:32:45leading to their conviction.
00:32:47A case in which she was assisted, apparently,
00:32:49by an up-and-coming detective sergeant,
00:32:52Adrian Fell.
00:32:53Oh, that is interesting.
00:32:56Not as interesting as this.
00:32:58It says it all hinged
00:32:59on the word of a former associate of the defendants,
00:33:02one Derek James Crozier,
00:33:05who turned Queen's evidence
00:33:06in return for immunity from prosecution
00:33:08and subsequent witness protection
00:33:10involving a complete change of identity.
00:33:14A few pounds lighter in those days,
00:33:16but what do you think?
00:33:19God, it is him, isn't it?
00:33:23The guy with the walnuts.
00:33:30Why do I always feel guilty when you're doing this?
00:33:33You look completely illegal.
00:33:34So, what's our thinking now?
00:33:48He didn't die a natural death at all?
00:33:50It's a hell of a coincidence.
00:33:53Two people who helped put those gangsters behind bars
00:33:56both come to a sticky end in the space of 24 hours.
00:33:59which is why I think
00:34:02I need to carry out a little experiment
00:34:09with these pyjamas.
00:34:15Now, how tall are we saying this guy was?
00:34:19It was more your height than mine.
00:34:22I guess.
00:34:22In which case,
00:34:26think you could do the honours?
00:34:49So, you nearly done?
00:34:51I'm done.
00:34:51I'm not sure it's going to work so well
00:34:57with the trousers all bunched up round the back.
00:35:03We're just...
00:35:09And how is it?
00:35:14I can feel it, but...
00:35:16It doesn't exactly keep you awake
00:35:17because it's in the small of your back.
00:35:19Whereas...
00:35:21Whereas...
00:35:22Up here...
00:35:26Ah...
00:35:28That would definitely drive me over
00:35:30onto my side.
00:35:33Which is meant to be the point.
00:35:36So, he wouldn't risk choking.
00:35:39Which suggests?
00:35:40Whoever set this up
00:35:42to disguise the fact
00:35:44they probably suffocated him
00:35:45or something
00:35:46with a pillow.
00:35:48Didn't totally think it through.
00:35:50But the bolts on the door...
00:36:03But the bolts on the door...
00:36:05Were almost certainly drawn shut
00:36:07from the other side.
00:36:07A couple of bits of twine
00:36:13soaked in paraffin
00:36:14that could be burnt off afterwards.
00:36:21Page one stuff, really.
00:36:23To a sealed room specialist.
00:36:25Time we were in bed.
00:36:32Yep.
00:36:36Might pay to just sit on this for a bit
00:36:38till things are clearer.
00:36:40Till we can get that gun.
00:36:43Or come up with a name of someone here
00:36:45that begins with G.
00:36:46G.
00:36:50Anyway...
00:36:51I'm taking you where now?
00:36:55Back to the hotel.
00:36:55I'm sure you're in bed.
00:37:19Darling.
00:37:21We're a bit late.
00:37:21I'm sorry.
00:37:22Hi.
00:37:22What time did you crawl in last night?
00:37:24That's champion.
00:37:24Thanks.
00:37:25You were still dead to the world
00:37:26when I left.
00:37:27I know.
00:37:27But as it happens,
00:37:28we think we may have gone.
00:37:29You said something on the phone
00:37:30about a new angle
00:37:31on that body in the bedroom.
00:37:33Which I thought we could run
00:37:34past the inspector here
00:37:35who fortuitously had
00:37:37a 12 o'clock window this morning.
00:37:38So,
00:37:39the two of you
00:37:40want to just park your bottoms.
00:37:42Of course,
00:37:42I don't think you've met
00:37:43our gentle genius yet,
00:37:44have you?
00:37:45Jonathan Creek.
00:37:46The man who can
00:37:47reroute reality.
00:37:49No.
00:37:49But may I say,
00:37:51your work on the
00:37:52Forrest Sweetman murder
00:37:53impressed
00:37:54a great many of us.
00:37:56So,
00:37:57what have you got for me?
00:38:01Well,
00:38:02to my way of thinking,
00:38:04those things in his pyjamas
00:38:06have been sewn in
00:38:06much too far down
00:38:07to really work.
00:38:08And,
00:38:09I don't know,
00:38:10that whole sleep apnea thing.
00:38:11But,
00:38:12you know,
00:38:12I cross-checked
00:38:13with a specialist.
00:38:15It does happen.
00:38:16Except,
00:38:17there's more,
00:38:18isn't there?
00:38:19That you found out here
00:38:21you don't want to share with me.
00:38:25Baxter.
00:38:25I'm really sorry,
00:38:28sir,
00:38:28but I,
00:38:29what is it?
00:38:30Okay.
00:38:31You're going to take
00:38:44her word for this,
00:38:45against mine.
00:39:01It's not a question of my word.
00:39:03It's on camera.
00:39:04Why do you think
00:39:06I waited three days
00:39:07till some arse
00:39:08had finished joyriding round
00:39:10with the evidence
00:39:10in his boot?
00:39:11I mean,
00:39:11how does it go here exactly,
00:39:13huh?
00:39:14The killer comes in,
00:39:15strings her up,
00:39:16wearing an Inspector Ferrell mask
00:39:18he's bought from
00:39:19the local joke shop.
00:39:20Jesus Christ almighty!
00:39:21Yes!
00:39:21Okay, Herbie.
00:39:24Enough.
00:39:27All right.
00:39:30Here's the whole deal.
00:39:33Jessica,
00:39:33my daughter
00:39:35has had some problems.
00:39:39Chemical dependency,
00:39:41buying and selling.
00:39:43How often does it happen?
00:39:44She picked the wrong friends,
00:39:46they fell on her like vultures
00:39:48in the space of a year.
00:39:50She was a ghost.
00:39:52Well,
00:39:53between us,
00:39:55took a lot of pain,
00:39:57a lot of work,
00:39:58but
00:39:58she got through it.
00:40:01The bench was lenient.
00:40:03But she knew what to expect
00:40:05if she ever went back.
00:40:06So,
00:40:08spool forward 18 months
00:40:09to last Monday.
00:40:11This woman,
00:40:13Marion Crespo,
00:40:14sends me a letter,
00:40:17advising me that certain sworn statements
00:40:19have come into her possession
00:40:20regarding my daughter.
00:40:22Basically,
00:40:24a major drugs bus she was handling
00:40:26and Jess had been named
00:40:27as one of the suppliers.
00:40:30And it might be in my interest
00:40:32to drop by
00:40:32for a discreet inspection
00:40:33of the documents.
00:40:35So,
00:40:35I get there
00:40:36and find the place empty.
00:40:38Naturally,
00:40:39I'm not going to sit around
00:40:39twiddling my thumbs.
00:40:42You found that bit of gum
00:40:43I dumped in the plant pot
00:40:44in the corner.
00:40:45Big deal.
00:40:47So,
00:40:47yeah,
00:40:48I sniff around,
00:40:50locate the material in question,
00:40:52which,
00:40:53as she said,
00:40:55isn't going to look good
00:40:56on my daughter's CV.
00:41:00No point in that
00:41:01waiting for this person
00:41:02to show up.
00:41:03And,
00:41:03I don't particularly want
00:41:04to advertise the fact
00:41:06I've been there.
00:41:07So,
00:41:08all I could think about now
00:41:10was,
00:41:10how did this happen
00:41:12when she gave me
00:41:14every reason to trust her?
00:41:17And I don't know
00:41:17why we have to even discuss it.
00:41:18I mean,
00:41:19what do you want me to say?
00:41:23How much fun did you have
00:41:24putting these together?
00:41:27Can't you see?
00:41:28This whole thing's a fit up.
00:41:31Someone
00:41:31who wants to see us both suffer.
00:41:34Don't believe me,
00:41:40do you?
00:41:45Not one of you.
00:41:46So I suppose,
00:42:04what do you think?
00:42:05He shut her up
00:42:06because she was trying
00:42:07to blackmail him.
00:42:09Something he said in there,
00:42:11didn't you notice?
00:42:12That gum he'd been chewing,
00:42:14we know for a fact,
00:42:15was found in the potted palm
00:42:16for the right of the door.
00:42:17But what did he say?
00:42:19That he dumped it
00:42:20in the plant pot
00:42:21in the corner.
00:42:22The one near her desk?
00:42:24But why would anyone
00:42:25move a lump of chewed gum
00:42:26from one pot to another?
00:42:29That's a very good question.
00:42:31It's the kind of
00:42:32piddling detail
00:42:33that could turn
00:42:34this whole business
00:42:35inside out.
00:42:40Jonathan Creek.
00:42:43Oh, don't.
00:42:45The work for the
00:42:48unfortunate iconic
00:42:50imagery here.
00:42:51This could be
00:42:51straight out of
00:42:51a Merry Melodies cartoon
00:42:53of the 1940s.
00:42:55Jonathan, help me!
00:42:57What's your prime
00:42:58comic ingredients
00:42:59all nicely in place?
00:43:01The precariously poised
00:43:02fall guy,
00:43:03the steaming pile
00:43:04of manure.
00:43:05What would Tex Avery
00:43:07have done here,
00:43:07I wonder?
00:43:08There's always a chance
00:43:20he's right, I suppose.
00:43:36She did fake those pictures, but...
00:43:38Hmm.
00:43:39It's hard to shake off the feeling he's hiding something from us, even now.
00:43:48He doesn't care, does he, your man? I'll give him that.
00:43:52Who he offends.
00:43:54I suppose these days that's virtually nobody.
00:43:56In fact, I should think this whole exercise has been...
00:43:59What would you say?
00:44:01Monumentally pointless.
00:44:05On the other hand, has it made some things blindingly clear?
00:44:15Well done, guys.
00:44:17I think I'm just...
00:44:18Just about, yeah, pretty damn perpendicular.
00:44:20Whoa!
00:44:24Careful with him.
00:44:26God's sake, he could have broken his spine.
00:44:29If you want to just go now, all of you, leave it with us.
00:44:35Oh, yeah.
00:44:36Oh, yeah.
00:44:38Oh, yeah.
00:44:39Well, it could be nothing.
00:44:43Or it could be I'm just starting to see what Mr Fell is all about.
00:44:49In which case, I'm now thinking all roads lead back to Marion Crespo's office.
00:45:08I suspect the key to this whole affair.
00:45:10Jonathan?
00:45:11Oh, God.
00:45:12Oh, God.
00:45:13Oh, God.
00:45:14Oh, God.
00:45:15Oh, God.
00:45:16Oh, God.
00:45:17Oh, God.
00:45:18Oh, God.
00:45:19Oh, God.
00:45:20I don't...
00:45:21What the hell?
00:45:22So who did they just take away on that stretcher, then?
00:45:23Oh, no.
00:45:24They couldn't possibly have...
00:45:25Oh, God.
00:45:26Oh, God.
00:45:27Oh, God.
00:45:28Oh, God.
00:45:29Oh, God.
00:45:30Oh, God.
00:45:31Oh, God.
00:45:32Oh, God.
00:45:33Oh, God.
00:45:34Oh, God.
00:45:35Oh, God.
00:45:36Oh, God.
00:45:37Oh, God.
00:45:38Oh, God.
00:45:39Oh, God.
00:45:40Oh, God.
00:45:41Oh, God.
00:45:42Oh, God.
00:45:43Oh, God.
00:45:44Oh, God.
00:45:45Oh, God.
00:45:46Oh, God.
00:45:47Oh, God.
00:45:48Oh, God.
00:45:49Oh, God.
00:45:50Oh, God.
00:45:51Oh, God.
00:45:52Oh, God.
00:45:53Oh, God.
00:45:54Oh, God.
00:45:55Oh, God.
00:45:56Oh, God.
00:45:57Oh, God.
00:45:58Oh, God.
00:45:59Oh, God.
00:46:00Oh, God.
00:46:01Oh, God.
00:46:02Oh, God.
00:46:03Oh, God.
00:46:04Okay, Sergeant.
00:46:08Thanks.
00:46:28What did they tell you?
00:46:30Everything.
00:46:32And?
00:46:34What do you believe?
00:46:37What do you want me to believe?
00:46:47Yes, this is a message for Sergeant Bryant from Jonathan Creek.
00:46:51Just to say we're on our way to Marion Crespo's office.
00:46:54It'll take us about an hour.
00:46:56You've got a second to meet us there.
00:46:58We need it, man.
00:47:00Peace.
00:47:32Ah, now, now, now. I think that answers our first question.
00:48:02Ah, now, now, now.
00:48:32How did you end up over there?
00:48:37It doesn't make any sense.
00:48:39On the contrary.
00:48:41If you look at what actually happened in this room, what he said makes perfect sense.
00:48:46Because it defines the whole thoroughly nasty, premeditated operation.
00:48:52You know, I wouldn't mind a clue right now, Jonathan.
00:49:14About what it is I'm supposed to be feeling excited about.
00:49:17I suppose you'll be telling me next you know what was in that box of his.
00:49:20No.
00:49:21From the way you told it, I could make a pretty smart guess.
00:49:25Come on.
00:49:26Have you worked out who Mr. G is yet?
00:49:33Why Inspector Fell might have wanted to prepare you for death the other night?
00:49:37What I'm saying, nowadays, it's the last.
00:49:56Sorry to spoil fun, Mr. McDonald.
00:49:58And you're nicked.
00:50:10Tempting as it is to put all this down to the press going about their normal business.
00:50:14Peddlers of lies and distortion.
00:50:17Hattie Baron, as it turns out, was just part of a much bigger set-up here.
00:50:21A set-up, I think we're all now aware, that stemmed from the nastiest piece of work and this whole affair.
00:50:29If I'd recognised Crozier in that bed, I might have got there sooner.
00:50:34Just to say, we're on our way to Marion Cresto's office.
00:50:36Once it clicked, and I picked up your call and the office voicemail.
00:50:40Oh, yes.
00:50:41The lovely Patrick James McDonald.
00:50:43Closest we'll ever get, probably, to a real-life Napoleon of crime.
00:50:49Finally nailed, along with his chum, Jason Lee, in March 1987,
00:50:53on a fairly breathtaking raft of charges that appeared to have put them both away for life.
00:50:58But I think you've got an update for us on that one, Sergeant.
00:51:0230 June 1992, Lee appears to have lost the plot
00:51:06and strung himself up with some knotted tea towels.
00:51:10McDonald's, with the help of a smart legal team,
00:51:12managed to swing an early parole.
00:51:15Ended up back in circulation just over a month ago.
00:51:19Vowing, we can assume, to get even with three people who, by now, he didn't like very much.
00:51:24The key witness at his trial, the lawyer who put the case together,
00:51:27and the young detective who brought him in.
00:51:31Mr Rampole, sadly, didn't hang around very long.
00:51:33A victim of a rare sleeping disorder, we were meant to believe.
00:51:38While Miss Crespo goes the way of his late colleague.
00:51:42The end of a rope.
00:51:43And to round it all off,
00:51:45what could be sweeter than to see the police officer
00:51:48put away for a murder he didn't commit?
00:51:50So, a couple of letters go out.
00:51:53One to get you into this office to check out those rigged statements about your daughter.
00:51:58The other, to a hungry press photographer who can be relied upon to make the most
00:52:02of whatever she sees from that stairwell in the building opposite.
00:52:06What did she see?
00:52:13Answer.
00:52:15Exactly what she was meant to.
00:52:18The whole point being, the position of the observer here was critical.
00:52:25In the face of fairly damning evidence,
00:52:29a chance remark about some chewing gum threw up a possible lifeline.
00:52:33How do we square the fact that it was thrown in the pot in the corner,
00:52:37but found in this one here?
00:52:40Who's going to move a bit of gum or a potted plant around after you'd left the room?
00:52:44And why?
00:52:46Unless, of course, they didn't.
00:52:48And the gum was found exactly where you threw it.
00:52:53In a plant pot, in the corner.
00:52:57Only not the corner we were thinking of.
00:52:59The whole objective here being to place you at the scene of a murder
00:53:04without you realising it.
00:53:11Let's say the deed's been done an hour or so beforehand.
00:53:16Then, crucially, a thin partition goes up to screen off the body.
00:53:33Decorators have already been planted there, tarting up the premises,
00:53:36so a few bits of plasterboard knocking about aren't going to attract much attention.
00:53:43Vital, of course, for you to be discovered at just the right moment.
00:53:47Which would all be down to that security officer she had to wait around for on the stairs.
00:53:51All you see when you walk in is an empty room.
00:54:03But to Hattie and her camera, the scene appears quite different.
00:54:12For a bit of dressing, they rehang a few pictures.
00:54:16Of course, a not very flattering cartoon about the police.
00:54:21And I imagine was the cause of that sneer just before you left the room.
00:54:30They made it all good again afterwards.
00:54:35Apart from a few tell-tale holes where they'd braced the panels.
00:54:38Of course, the irony here is,
00:54:44if we'd had a clearer take on the fundamentals in your life,
00:54:48we'd have seen how really unlikely these charges were.
00:54:55A tiny trigger point this morning,
00:54:57which, looking back, was probably quite significant.
00:55:00So the killer comes in, strings her up,
00:55:02wearing an Inspector Fenn mask he's bought from the local joke shop.
00:55:06Jesus Christ, almighty!
00:55:07Yes, OK, Herbie.
00:55:10Enough.
00:55:11It wasn't the hectoring tone, was it?
00:55:14Cut through you at that point like a knife.
00:55:18But the words.
00:55:21Because you've never made anything of your faith.
00:55:25In a country where these days a mock crucifixion
00:55:28will barely raise an eyebrow,
00:55:30and in a job where a committed Christian
00:55:32runs the risk of ridicule...
00:55:34like the rest of us.
00:55:39He's had some bad press up there over the years, but...
00:55:43Mr. G.
00:55:44You get past all the rant, the ritual,
00:55:54past all the religion, basically,
00:55:56to what's good
00:55:58and worth building your life around.
00:56:00I mean, yeah, you know.
00:56:07We could all do a lot worse.
00:56:09I swear,
00:56:34The only thing you do is change.
00:57:00Can you put hope in a box?
00:57:03Lock it away.
00:57:10Well, someone's certainly looked after you today, eh?
00:57:16They have.
00:57:19And...
00:57:20Thanks.
00:57:25Good God above, Brendan. This is very possibly the most revolting thing I've ever seen.
00:57:30This is what you spent the last three nights glued to after supper.
00:57:35It's not a fantastic voyage, darling. What did you expect?
00:57:38Donald Pleasant skimming through my rectum in a bathysphere?
00:57:41I think they're lowered on a cable, aren't they?
00:57:43There you go, then. That's the basic mechanics of the Marion Crespo thing, and I've scribbled a couple of diagrams there.
00:57:52Thanks. That'll be just the ticket.
00:57:53Now, you mock me, people, but listen to this.
00:57:57We thought you would like to know that the endoscopy of your transverse colon was judged to be the perfect archetype of its kind, and was first choice for inclusion in our reference library.
00:58:07Yes!
00:58:09In addition, the panel were highly impressed by an earlier study of your fallopian tubes, which was also felt to be of exception.
00:58:17Fallopian tubes?
00:58:18Yes, and this envelope. You don't think they could have got you mixed up with someone else or anything?
00:58:25Oh, great. So what are we saying now? This wasn't even your video in the first place.
00:58:29Well, how in hell did that happen? Hang on, where'd you get that tape from?
00:58:33Well, I don't know. It was on top of the TV, wasn't it, where you left it?
00:58:35No, I left it on the table here.
00:58:39That is the video survey they did on our drain, where they feed a camera down the pipe and...
00:58:45I mean, that's what you think my insides look like, is it?
00:58:48With great tree roots poking through and all that sludge and...
00:58:51Well, I don't know, do I? I'm not an expert.
00:58:54Not an expert.
00:58:56Never mind, come on, or we'll be late for this due.
00:58:59To which you're more than welcome, Jonathan, if it appeals, the ITV winter press launch.
00:59:02Brendan's got four new primetime shows this year, about to be previewed.
00:59:07Unless, of course, you'd rather stay here and stare at the contents of a sewer.
00:59:14No contest, Brendan.
00:59:32No contest, Brendan.
00:59:33No contest, Brendan.
00:59:34Second Blueheats
00:59:48No, he's so bitter.
00:59:52The option is good.
00:59:55I am the two kidding man on top left.
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