Jonathan Creek. Sp 01. Black Canary.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 24th December 1998.  A retired female illusionist dies in mysterious circumstances. Maddy and Jonathan are called upon to investigate.  Hannah Gordon - Marella Carney Suzanna Hamilton - Hannah Francis Matthews - Jerry Bellinitus Murray Melvin - Lionel Prekopp Kate Isitt - Charlotte Vincent Wong - Pan Duc Lao Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek Stuart Milligan - Adam Klaus Simone Huber - Elsa Caroline Quentin - Maddy Magellan Tomas Lukes - Vagrant Simon Roberts - Paramedic Rik Mayall - D.I. Gideon Pryke Dave Haskell - Sgt. Richie John Hales - Burger Man Corinne Laidlaw - Young Charlotte Sanjeev Bhaskar - Doctor Nikki Jhutti - Nurse

Transcript

00:00:00Satsang with Mooji

00:00:30I don't know.

00:01:00I don't know.

00:01:30I don't know.

00:02:00I don't know.

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00:06:33I don't know.

00:06:34I don't know.

00:06:35I don't know.

00:06:37I don't know.

00:06:38Okay, Elsa, my angel.

00:06:41I don't know.

00:06:42I don't know.

00:06:44I don't know.

00:06:45I don't know.

00:06:47I don't know.

00:06:48I don't know.

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00:06:55I don't know.

00:06:56I don't know.

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00:07:01I don't know.

00:07:02I don't know.

00:07:04I don't know.

00:07:05I don't know.

00:07:06I don't know.

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00:07:08I don't know.

00:07:10I don't know.

00:07:11I don't know.

00:07:12I don't know.

00:07:13But she's still physically intact, Jonathan, in every sense of the word.

00:07:16Can you believe a creature like that has never felt a man's tongue on her epiglottis?

00:07:20You know that for a fact, I suppose.

00:07:22I've done my research.

00:07:23Born in a somewhat conservative region of Austria.

00:07:26Known locally, I believe, as the Chastity Belt.

00:07:29A delicate alpine flower for whom sex and alcohol are strictly off limits.

00:07:34Maybe if I got her into the bar tonight and switched drinks.

00:07:37Yes.

00:07:38That's the closest you'll get to an exchange of fluids.

00:07:40Come on.

00:07:41We've got a lot to get through today.

00:08:11Come out.

00:08:12Come on.

00:08:13Come on.

00:08:14Come on.

00:08:15Come on.

00:08:16Come on.

00:08:17Let me walk.

00:08:18Come on.

00:08:21Okay.

00:08:22We have a chairediza Wilming.

00:08:23We have an Vietnamese cat who is a chapter at the Gemini.

00:08:25Here we go.

00:08:27Have a good feeling.

00:08:28Say everything.

00:08:29Yes?

00:08:30You have a good feeling today.

00:08:31You got to get through here.

00:08:32Come on.

00:08:33Let's talk to the��ats.

00:08:34Are we together?

00:08:35We have two microphones.

00:08:36Did you see exactly what the packaging is?

00:09:38Stab the pen down and wherever it lands...

00:09:40Twirl it, Adam.

00:09:42If they don't twirl, we can't mix in the pre-record.

00:09:44Right, right.

00:09:45Hold the pen up in the air, spin it round and around, and...

00:09:51Coming to playback now, Adam.

00:09:52Hit it.

00:09:55Strategy.

00:09:56Which, in a triumph of extrasensory acuity, I think you'll find...

00:09:59Hello?

00:10:14Oh, hi.

00:10:14Is Jonathan around at all for a quick word?

00:10:16I'll see if I can find him.

00:10:17Who's calling?

00:10:19Okay, you mind hang on for a second?

00:10:20I'll see if I can find...

00:10:21These gallstones of yours are going to drag us all right down the Swanee if we're not careful.

00:10:32I don't know why you can't get them seen to.

00:10:33Because I have a small problem with hospitals, Jonathan.

00:10:36Swifty and satire begins to parl after a while.

00:10:39Can't you make him disappear by magic, Mr. Klaus?

00:10:41Ooh, careful with that proctoscope.

00:10:43I think he's got a rabbit up there.

00:10:45Every other asinine quip known to man.

00:10:50Listen, I didn't tell you who I nearly bumped into this morning.

00:10:54You remember Mirella Carney, the Black Canary, retired from the business about 15 years ago?

00:10:59Mm.

00:11:00I was in the front row at her final performance.

00:11:03I always had a fantasy that when that guillotine came down, her head would fall into my lap.

00:11:07Yeah, well, it wasn't her I saw her.

00:11:09It was her daughter, Charlotte.

00:11:11Who, if you remember?

00:11:13Oh, that's right.

00:11:15It was the great lust of your life at one time.

00:11:18You were walking around like some kind of zombie for weeks.

00:11:21Till it all came to grief.

00:11:22After I finally got around to asking her out, we went for a meal.

00:11:27All very lovely.

00:11:28Taxi back to her place in Kensington.

00:11:30She asked me in for a coffee.

00:11:31I said, no, thanks.

00:11:33That was the last I ever saw of her.

00:11:36Sorry, you lost me just towards the end on that one.

00:11:40Charlotte Carney.

00:11:41Who I desired more than oxygen.

00:11:44Asked me into her flat at one o'clock in the morning.

00:11:47I'm sorry.

00:11:48It's got to be some sort of catch.

00:11:49Oh, I don't think you've met my fiancé, Crispin.

00:11:51He's got two penises in his own airline.

00:11:54Or the other one, I whisper I love you in her ear.

00:11:57She attacks me with a fire extinguisher.

00:11:59No thank you.

00:11:59I can do without that kind of humiliation.

00:12:01I've often felt your love life would make a fine play by Samuel Beckett.

00:12:05A certain nihilistic quality it has.

00:12:09Yes, well, I noticed she never called me again afterwards.

00:12:19She only goes to prove my...

00:12:20Yeah, hello?

00:12:24Jonathan, I just wondered if you wanted to pop over at all this evening.

00:12:28And I'll cook us something.

00:12:30No?

00:12:31Why should there be any special reason?

00:12:33I'm just...

00:12:34Look.

00:12:35All right.

00:12:37I need you tonight.

00:12:39Here in my bedroom.

00:12:40Look, I'm sorry, but there are certain things I don't like stirring up at in bed.

00:13:09Anything less than two inches long with and...

00:13:12Just, just, don't bring it near me, you sadist!

00:13:14Get rid of it!

00:13:15It's a cockroach.

00:13:16It's not going to have your arm off.

00:13:17Look, it's very friendly.

00:13:18Oh, yeah, why don't you just have sex with it, you thoroughly revolting person?

00:13:23Oh, dispose of it, will you, please?

00:13:25Not down the toilet!

00:13:27Take it to the bottom of the garden and kill it with a spade!

00:13:30Kill it with a spade?

00:13:32What am I, Jack the Hat McVitie?

00:13:34Just do it!

00:13:36Good almighty, and don't be such a doily!

00:13:39That's the third one appeared this week!

00:13:42I don't know where they've all started coming from suddenly!

00:13:45Yeah, hello?

00:14:01Hello?

00:14:02Is it...

00:14:03I'm sorry, I'm trying to reach Jonathan Creek.

00:14:06Oh, yeah, he's just popped out for a second.

00:14:09Who's calling?

00:14:09My name's Charlotte Carney.

00:14:12Okay, just a sec...

00:14:14Just one second, Charlotte?

00:14:17You realise I'll probably go to hell for that now, snuffing out a living thing inside a crisp packet.

00:14:22Call for you.

00:14:23Someone called Charlotte Carney?

00:14:28Hello?

00:14:29Jonathan?

00:14:29It was you I passed this morning, coming out of the tube.

00:14:36Sorry?

00:14:37Um...

00:14:37Oh, you wouldn't have noticed me three years ago.

00:14:40Changed me under recognition, probably.

00:14:45I'm sorry.

00:14:46This is just the worst day of my life.

00:14:52What happened?

00:14:54Do you remember something you said to me once?

00:14:58There's no such thing as magic.

00:15:01Real magic.

00:15:03You didn't believe in anything you couldn't touch or see.

00:15:10This afternoon,

00:15:12at four o'clock,

00:15:13my mother killed herself.

00:15:21How she did I defy anyone to explain?

00:15:24It's like a kind of madness has taken over

00:15:26and there are no rules anymore

00:15:28about life

00:15:29or death.

00:15:31Charlotte?

00:15:44Charlotte?

00:15:46I can't believe we're doing this.

00:15:57on the basis of one hysterical phone call

00:16:00from some floozy you met at a party once.

00:16:02Especially as there was never anything

00:16:03between the two of you in the first place.

00:16:06Look, can I ask,

00:16:07do you ever get this thing serviced?

00:16:09How anyone could drive a car at this time of year

00:16:10without a proper windscreen washer?

00:16:12It's got a windscreen washer.

00:16:14Yeah, but it's not much use

00:16:15on the back seat, is it?

00:16:18The guy who was going to fit it did a runner.

00:16:20It's not my fault.

00:16:21A bit of fresh air won't harm you.

00:16:24So,

00:16:25what's the story on this mother of hers,

00:16:27Mirella Carney,

00:16:28the Black Canary?

00:16:29She was big business in her day,

00:16:31wasn't she?

00:16:32The problem with Mirella Carney

00:16:33is most of her tricks

00:16:33relied upon the fact

00:16:34she had a twin sister.

00:16:35Don't be ridiculous.

00:16:37Who, from what you hear,

00:16:37did all the difficult bits?

00:16:39Mirella suffered from claustrophobia,

00:16:41so it was her sister

00:16:42had to go into all the cabinets

00:16:43and coffins.

00:16:44There's plenty of amazing stuff

00:16:45you can work with a double,

00:16:47but it's not exactly

00:16:47a test of ingenuity.

00:16:48You're telling me there were two of them?

00:16:49They kept that quiet, didn't they?

00:16:51Well, I think they put it

00:16:51in the programme notes,

00:16:52aren't they?

00:16:54NB, whilst miraculously

00:16:55escaping from a locked trunk tonight,

00:16:56Miss Carney will be assisted

00:16:57by her twin sister, Beryl.

00:17:00Anyway, that was all

00:17:01before the accident, of course.

00:17:02What accident?

00:17:03That's a bit on the grizzly side.

00:17:04Probably best not discussed.

00:17:05What accident?

00:17:07I don't know

00:17:07if you've got the stomach for it.

00:17:08I've got the stomach?

00:17:09Don't give me

00:17:10that macho protective number.

00:17:13Rehearsal one day,

00:17:14one of their big routines.

00:17:16Sister Beryl's tied up

00:17:17to a bench.

00:17:19With an electric buzzsaw

00:17:20coming at her.

00:17:21Mechanism jam,

00:17:22everything just kept coming.

00:17:23She was literally

00:17:23sawn in half.

00:17:24Oh, my God!

00:17:26Lengthways.

00:17:27Lengthways!

00:17:28Oh!

00:17:29No!

00:17:30What are you doing?

00:17:31You'll have us up the road!

00:17:37Sawn in half.

00:17:39What the hell

00:17:40did you have to tell me that for?

00:17:42Oh!

00:17:43Oh!

00:17:44With an electric buzzsaw!

00:17:46That's done it for me now.

00:17:49I'm going to have to sleep

00:17:50with the saucepan

00:17:51between my legs.

00:17:53How far up do you think

00:17:54it went before she...

00:17:55Oh!

00:17:55Far enough.

00:17:57Somehow they made

00:17:58she keep it out of the papers.

00:17:59They just said

00:17:59Morella was retiring

00:18:00for personal reasons.

00:18:02That is

00:18:03the most unutterably

00:18:05horrible story

00:18:06I have ever heard.

00:18:08Accidents can happen

00:18:09even in our game.

00:18:10People don't realise...

00:18:10What?

00:18:15What?

00:18:16I suppose I'd never really...

00:18:19Assuming it was an accident.

00:18:24Can we move it, please?

00:18:25We'll have to chip us out

00:18:26of here with ice picks.

00:18:27I'm sorry if I put the wind

00:18:37up you last night.

00:18:38It's just...

00:18:40I think we're all in need

00:18:42of a cold, hard, cynical mind

00:18:44right now.

00:18:47You want to take us through it?

00:18:50Fifteen years ago

00:18:51my mother and her sister Beryl

00:18:53were running through

00:18:55the mechanics of this new trick

00:18:56with an electric saw.

00:19:05The blade that was meant

00:19:06to drop away

00:19:07jammed for some reason.

00:19:12Yes!

00:19:12We've got a general

00:19:14picture of what happened.

00:19:15Thanks.

00:19:17So, you'd only been

00:19:18about, what,

00:19:19twelve at the time?

00:19:23Fortunately

00:19:23or not depending

00:19:25how you look at it

00:19:26Aunty Beryl

00:19:27had no one very close.

00:19:29She'd parted

00:19:30from her husband Gary

00:19:31about ten years before.

00:19:33He'd disappeared

00:19:33from the picture entirely.

00:19:36And her only daughter

00:19:37my cousin Hannah

00:19:38had run away from home

00:19:39in her late teens

00:19:40the way you did

00:19:42in the seventies

00:19:42to shack up

00:19:44with some keyboard player

00:19:45in Australia

00:19:46and find God

00:19:47in a sugar cube.

00:19:49I remember

00:19:49she sent back

00:19:50a poem in Aborigine.

00:19:51the vicar read it out

00:19:53at the funeral

00:19:54sounded like

00:19:54he was having a seizure.

00:19:58After that

00:19:58no one expected

00:19:59to see her

00:19:59this side of the equator

00:20:00ever again.

00:20:02Until a couple of weeks ago

00:20:04quite out of the blue

00:20:06this letter arrived.

00:20:08from Hannah

00:20:21she's

00:20:22coming to England.

00:20:24As in

00:20:24long lost niece

00:20:25Hannah.

00:20:28She said when?

00:20:29well you could understand

00:20:48her being nervous

00:20:49there was every chance

00:20:50my cousin would come back

00:20:51with some sort of grudge

00:20:52against the aunt

00:20:54who was involved

00:20:54in her mother's death

00:20:55but I don't know

00:20:58there was

00:21:00something else

00:21:01some kind of

00:21:04deeper unease

00:21:05which just

00:21:05took root

00:21:06and festered

00:21:07and then

00:21:09when she turned up

00:21:09with this

00:21:10Vietnamese character

00:21:11Pan Duc Lau

00:21:12Most of it seems

00:21:20pretty unreal now

00:21:21but

00:21:22that's what's so

00:21:23wonderful about

00:21:24that thought

00:21:24She was older now

00:21:27and wiser

00:21:28this was the story

00:21:29During her many travels

00:21:32she'd been converted

00:21:33to the wonders

00:21:34of Easter mysticism

00:21:35which until now

00:21:36had been largely

00:21:37ignored by the West

00:21:38La was what they call

00:21:41a psychic surgeon

00:21:42with powers that

00:21:44went beyond

00:21:44the compass

00:21:45of known medical science

00:21:47well of course

00:21:49my father was up

00:21:50for all of that

00:21:50anything that would

00:21:52help with his

00:21:52angina or crumbling

00:21:53bones

00:21:54you have to believe

00:21:56this Jonathan

00:21:57the night before last

00:21:59I watched it happen

00:22:01there in front of me

00:22:02he put his fingers

00:22:04inside my father's chest

00:22:05pulled out

00:22:06some kind of tissue

00:22:07and afterwards

00:22:09it was like

00:22:10he hadn't touched him

00:22:11not a mark

00:22:12on the skin

00:22:12anything

00:22:13I don't think

00:22:18any of us

00:22:18got much sleep

00:22:19that night

00:22:19least of all

00:22:22my mother

00:22:23the next morning

00:22:32I came downstairs

00:22:33they were just

00:22:33leaving

00:22:34she said how

00:22:37pleased she was

00:22:38to have seen us

00:22:38again

00:22:39to have helped

00:22:40my father

00:22:40but now they had

00:22:41other important work

00:22:42to do so

00:22:43I dared to hope

00:22:48that that would be

00:22:49an end to the horror

00:22:49but it was only

00:22:53the beginning

00:22:53you work in the

00:22:56magic business too

00:22:57then Mr. Creek

00:22:58yes with Adam

00:23:00what's that

00:23:00with Adam Klaus

00:23:02yes

00:23:03Jerry Belenitis

00:23:04I'm afraid my hearing

00:23:07is not very good

00:23:08these days

00:23:08I have to lip read

00:23:09we were both very

00:23:10sorry to hear

00:23:11what's that

00:23:11we were sorry

00:23:12to hear about

00:23:13your wife

00:23:13Mr. Belenitis

00:23:14I gather

00:23:16you were the one

00:23:17who actually

00:23:17saw it happen

00:23:18nothing wrong

00:23:20with my eyes

00:23:21they're the one

00:23:23bit of me

00:23:24that still works

00:23:24father and I

00:23:29both left the house

00:23:30about half past

00:23:31ten yesterday

00:23:31morning

00:23:32I got a lecture

00:23:33at twelve

00:23:33and you were

00:23:34meeting someone

00:23:35for lunch

00:23:35in town

00:23:36when I got back

00:23:40about two thirty

00:23:41the weather

00:23:44seemed to be

00:23:44easing up

00:23:45finally

00:23:45although by that

00:23:48time

00:23:48we'd had a good

00:23:50four or five

00:23:51inches of snow

00:23:52how was Mr. Deluth

00:23:54and his dancing

00:23:55hairpiece

00:23:55oh yes

00:23:56on good form

00:23:57it's when he

00:23:59falls asleep

00:23:59it slips over

00:24:00his eyes

00:24:01you really feel

00:24:01the games

00:24:02how has things

00:24:04been here

00:24:05any sign of

00:24:07improvement

00:24:07she's been holed

00:24:09up in her room

00:24:09most of the day

00:24:10with a migraine

00:24:11couldn't tempt her

00:24:12with any lunch

00:24:13some hormone

00:24:14thing I expect

00:24:15oh there'd be

00:24:16an ovary

00:24:17at the back

00:24:17of it somewhere

00:24:18white pill

00:24:22and pink capsule

00:24:23for four o'clock

00:24:24glass of water

00:24:26alarm all set

00:24:27should you nod off

00:24:29okay

00:24:29I'm off to the

00:24:31woodshed now

00:24:31to do some whittling

00:24:32you're a diamond

00:24:34Arnold

00:24:34sweet dreams

00:24:35Jerry

00:24:35well an hour

00:24:49must have gone by

00:24:50when I opened

00:24:51my eyes

00:24:52outside in the

00:24:53garden

00:24:54my wife

00:24:54was having

00:24:55what appeared

00:24:55to be

00:24:56some sort

00:24:57of an argument

00:24:57that was enough

00:25:06for this character

00:25:07whoever he was

00:25:07he just

00:25:08turned and left

00:25:09as fast as his legs

00:25:10and a very nasty

00:25:12limp would carry him

00:25:13what

00:25:17happened next

00:25:19nothing in the world

00:25:20could have prepared me for

00:25:22throw him

00:25:35Marotta

00:25:36Marotta

00:25:37Marotta

00:25:38Marotta

00:25:39oh no

00:25:40oh no

00:25:41please

00:25:44oh god

00:25:46Oh, God!

00:25:57Gerry!

00:26:00Dear God in heaven, what happened?

00:26:04Just put the barrel in her mouth.

00:26:07They were arguing. Some man, he ran off.

00:26:09Man? What man?

00:26:11A man! He was right there just a couple of minutes ago.

00:26:16And, of course, that's when I saw it.

00:26:19The insanity of it.

00:26:21Staring me in the face.

00:26:23The man, whoever he was, whatever he was,

00:26:26had left no footprints in the snow.

00:26:30Charlotte!

00:26:32I'm sorry!

00:26:33Oh, God!

00:26:34Mr. Bolonitis.

00:26:35Sorry.

00:26:36I'm a little confused.

00:26:37What's that?

00:26:38What you said about what happened here doesn't seem to make any sense.

00:26:41Look, he was out there.

00:26:43I saw him as plainly...

00:26:44Oh, no.

00:26:45Your wife, sir.

00:26:46You said turn the gun on herself in the garden of...

00:26:49What?

00:26:50Four o'clock?

00:26:51Yes.

00:26:52Why?

00:26:53Excuse me.

00:26:54Why, why it?

00:26:56But, I don't think that's possible.

00:26:57What you said about what happened here doesn't seem to make any sense.

00:27:02Look, he was out there. I saw him as plainly...

00:27:07No, no, your wife, sir. You said turn the gun on herself in the garden at 4 o'clock?

00:27:14Yes. Why?

00:27:16Forgive me. But I don't think that's possible. The extent of rigour in the eyelids, the face muscles and jaw.

00:27:23I'm afraid there's no way that lady took her life only 40 minutes ago.

00:27:28It'll have to be confirmed, sir, obviously, but...

00:27:31at the time you say your wife pulled that trigger...

00:27:35I'd say she'd already been dead at least... five hours.

00:27:43I mean, we all saw what that man could do the other night.

00:27:48Was this another example of his powers?

00:27:52I don't know about this time of death thing, but I'm afraid all that miracle healing's just a very clever confidence trick.

00:27:58Those guys are ten a penny back home.

00:28:01Some of them actually have a couple of fingers removed and then false ends put on that can squash up and look as if they're penetrating your flesh.

00:28:07They just palm a few bits of animal tissue and a blood capsule and the rest of it's all in the performance.

00:28:13I assume a small fee was involved.

00:28:16Oh, well...

00:28:19A donation to their hospital, obviously.

00:28:22But you can't write off the rest of it.

00:28:25What kind of a man is it who leaves no footprints in the snow?

00:28:29Hmm.

00:28:30So, before all this business with your cousin, your mother was as right as rain, would you say?

00:28:38Which I suppose does make her death look a bit dodgy.

00:28:41Well, except then you've got the suicide note.

00:28:47Presuming that's what it is.

00:28:50We found it last night in her room.

00:28:54You want to take the lift?

00:28:56Be a bit of a squeeze.

00:28:58May as well.

00:29:06Your father, Charlotte.

00:29:08Where do I know him from?

00:29:10Jerry Bellinitis.

00:29:11Oh, wasn't he that wrestler with the long floppy hair?

00:29:14I beg your pardon?

00:29:15I think that was Jackie Palo.

00:29:23My father was a singer-songwriter, quite popular in the late 1960s.

00:29:27Darling, be tender.

00:29:29Surrender your arms to mine.

00:29:30That's right.

00:29:31I did that funny act with an owl.

00:29:32An owl?

00:29:33Who am I thinking of, then?

00:29:42Forgive her?

00:29:43For what?

00:29:53They got on a ride together, did they, professionally?

00:29:55Yes.

00:29:57Doesn't quite fit the script, I'm afraid.

00:29:59Exploited assistant resents the success of her famous sister.

00:30:02Threatens to reveal all and has to be conveniently disposed of.

00:30:08Truth is, they loved each other very much.

00:30:10Everything they earned, they shared 50-50.

00:30:13So as far as Aunty Beryl and the money were concerned...

00:30:16Split straight down the middle.

00:30:18Noticed she signed this with a kiss?

00:30:20Yes.

00:30:21Hmm.

00:30:24Yes.

00:30:28Hmm.

00:30:51Bit of a poser, wouldn't you say?

00:30:52One way and another.

00:30:56Adds a bit of spice to the otherwise humdrum routine of the Criminal Investigation Department.

00:31:01Detective Inspector Gideon Pryock, we haven't met.

00:31:03Oh, Jonathan Creek. I'm a...

00:31:05Friend of the family.

00:31:07And no mean theorist in your own right, they tell me.

00:31:10No worries, Mr Creek.

00:31:12I'm not so proud or proficient at this game, I can't indulge the amateur from time to time.

00:31:16It's what keeps us on our toes.

00:31:19How are you faring with this little puzzle?

00:31:21Damn sight better than me, I hope.

00:31:22Well, I did notice in the lift...

00:31:23Sergeant Ritchie, get Bob to run a spectrographic on this one, ASAP, though I know what the answer will be.

00:31:28It's all of a piece with that suicide note in there that's been signed with a kiss.

00:31:31Put the two together and the results are rather suggestive. Wouldn't you agree?

00:31:35More importantly, I'm keen to hear what you made of the curious matter of the shortened lampflex in the conservatory.

00:31:41Lampflex?

00:31:42I mean, it always reached before. I failed to see the rationale.

00:31:53Why would anyone want to cut the lead of a table lamp down by six inches?

00:31:57To...

00:31:58Stop someone putting the light on, in case they saw something they shouldn't.

00:32:02You just take the fuse out of the plug.

00:32:09Tiny detail, Mr Preckop.

00:32:11You said you knocked on Miss Carney's bedroom door at half past one to ask her if she wanted any lunch.

00:32:15And her response was, thanks, Lionel, but I can't face anything just at this moment.

00:32:19Correct.

00:32:20Those were her exact words to you, through the door.

00:32:23That is what she said.

00:32:24Hmm.

00:32:26Then a couple of hours later, she's outside, having a Barney with some phantom character who appears to be able to walk on air.

00:32:34Mr Illusionist.

00:32:36How do we explain that one?

00:32:40If I weren't a rational man, I'd say there was devilry at work in this house.

00:32:44You've got an Eastern mystic who removes people's organs without leaving a mark on their body.

00:32:48What do you reckon? Sleight of hand with a blood pellet and some pig's liver?

00:32:52No.

00:32:53No, I don't think he's the one who's been leading us all to merry dance here.

00:32:56Is he, Mr Preckop?

00:33:01I beg your pardon?

00:33:03Back to pace with him, Sergeant. Let's see what he can tell us.

00:33:05Back to pace? You're joking, surely to heaven.

00:33:08I mean, what sort of lame-brained logic is this?

00:33:10Have you all gone, stop bragging mad?

00:33:14I could smell guilt on a man like dung on a donkey.

00:33:16How he did, it'll take a bit of ferreting.

00:33:20But you notice the slip back there?

00:33:21A dead woman could hardly call out from behind a door.

00:33:24A dead woman? So it was right what that ambience did?

00:33:26Oh, yes. No sleep for the lab boys last night.

00:33:29How's your forensic pathology?

00:33:31Never mind, just read the last paragraph.

00:33:32The victim may have had a bullet in the brain.

00:33:35She also had a bloodstream full of barbiturates.

00:33:38And the way they've metabolised makes it a biochemical certainty.

00:33:41Morella Carney had already departed this world by 12 noon yesterday.

00:33:45A good four hours before she shot herself.

00:33:48And if you can come up with a better trick than that, Mr Creek,

00:33:50I'd like to see it sometime.

00:33:52A good four hours before she shot herself.

00:34:22Mr Lionel Lemuel Precop.

00:34:25You work for this pair now coming up to 33 years?

00:34:28Yes.

00:34:30Originally as a dresser and wardrobe assistant to Miss Carney?

00:34:33Yes.

00:34:34And Atali as a general person assistant to them both?

00:34:37Yes.

00:34:38Did you kill her?

00:34:41Morella Carney was the finest individual I was ever blessed to know.

00:34:45She illuminated the lives of millions with her grace and beauty.

00:34:52I loved, admired and respected her for what she was.

00:34:57What she ever more will be.

00:35:00You haven't answered my question.

00:35:01No.

00:35:13This is roughly where it would have come out, the other side of those trees.

00:35:18A mysterious, limping man.

00:35:21What do you think?

00:35:23Hmm?

00:35:24A bit of a wander around?

00:35:26And look for what?

00:35:27It's nearly 24 hours later.

00:35:28There's been another fall of snow.

00:35:31Oh, no.

00:35:33I want to know where to start on this one.

00:35:35Mind you, he was a bit of a starter, wasn't he?

00:35:39The old detective inspector.

00:35:42I don't know.

00:35:44Perhaps he'd rather step aside this time.

00:35:47Just let him get on with it.

00:35:49He did seem more than capable.

00:35:51So what's the betting on our manservant friend, Lionel?

00:36:06You have to say he looked pretty gobsmacked when she carted him off.

00:36:09But, I mean, what are we supposed to think?

00:36:10He's some sort of an accomplice to a deliberately baffling suicide.

00:36:14Hmm, he, you mean?

00:36:18Sorry?

00:36:19When he carted him off, you said she.

00:36:22Yeah, the woman.

00:36:23Detective Sergeant.

00:36:24Are you being funny?

00:36:26What?

00:36:27That was a man.

00:36:29Bugger off!

00:36:30Of course it was!

00:36:30Not in a month of Sundays!

00:36:32All right.

00:36:35How much?

00:36:37Ten quid.

00:36:39You're on?

00:36:39So come on, now that the obligatory two hours of pointless suspense have elapsed,

00:36:45you can tell me what that business is all about upstairs.

00:36:48Sorry?

00:36:49That little dot of blood on the wallpaper could have come from anywhere, couldn't it?

00:36:53Absolutely, but not everything that's red and sticky has to be blood.

00:36:56Come again?

00:36:58How many people in that house wore red nail varnish?

00:37:01You saw the bottles on the dressing table.

00:37:04Shortlist of one, OK, so?

00:37:06So, you've got Mirella Carney, a lifelong claustrophobic,

00:37:09you remember I told you, you became a running joke in the trade,

00:37:12that's why her sister always had to go in the trunks and boxes,

00:37:14has been travelling in a lift the size of a pencil case.

00:37:17OK, maybe she had hypnotherapy or something since then,

00:37:20but you stuck it all up with that suicide note to her husband and daughter.

00:37:23But she just put a kiss.

00:37:24Why didn't she sign it?

00:37:26Why didn't she put Mirella or Mother or something at the bottom?

00:37:30Maybe because,

00:37:32at the end of her life,

00:37:33a moment of final accountability,

00:37:37she couldn't bring herself to lie.

00:37:39about who she really was.

00:37:45Oh, you top man, Jonathan.

00:37:49It wasn't Beryl at the end of that buzzsaw,

00:37:52it was her sister.

00:37:54All these years, Mirella Carney

00:37:56wasn't Mirella Carney at all.

00:37:59Well, that explains everything.

00:38:03No, it explains nothing.

00:38:06It doesn't explain how a human being can be seen shooting herself,

00:38:10when by every piece of evidence she was already dead.

00:38:12or how a man can run away through four inches of snow

00:38:16and seconds later not left a single footprint behind.

00:38:26Come on, this isn't getting us anywhere,

00:38:27freezing our bollocks off out here.

00:38:28Oh, hell's teeth, will you?

00:38:44Look at this!

00:38:45Oh, hell's teeth, will you? Look at this!

00:38:58Not only bastards, but weird ones at that!

00:39:03What is it?

00:39:04Left the radio in stereo

00:39:05and just taken the morning papers.

00:39:07Good morning, Tim.

00:39:08How's Jack the Ripper looking?

00:39:09Don't ask.

00:39:15Jonathan, good morning.

00:39:16How are the trains today?

00:39:18Still one or two frozen points

00:39:18in that west of England line they were saying.

00:39:20Frozen f...

00:39:21What in the name of hell are you talking about?

00:39:24And then you're talking about to go to the bus.

00:39:25You're talking about to go to the bus,

00:39:26and you're talking about to go to the bus.

00:39:27You're talking about to go to the bus.

00:39:29Oh, my God.

00:39:30You're talking about to go to the bus.

00:39:31I'm talking about to go,

00:39:32the bus and to go to the bus.

00:39:33I'm talking about to go to the bus.

00:39:34It's a bus.

00:39:35It's a bus.

00:39:36What in the name of hell is this? Am I in the right theatre?

00:39:40Hard to believe, isn't it? What a gifted designer can pull together in 48 hours.

00:39:44I think you'll agree Elsa has surpassed herself.

00:39:47Well, I try not to give you just any old frog coat.

00:39:50Always for Adam, something a bit special, yes?

00:39:53Frog coat?

00:39:55You're sure the flippers are not too restricting? Show me again.

00:40:01Hey, listen. Almost like a floating sensation.

00:40:06Maybe a little tuck in the throat still. Let me get my pins.

00:40:14Now, Jonathan, before you say a word...

00:40:16This is it now, is it?

00:40:17Through the swirling fog of Victorian London, a young girl is slashed to ribbons by Toad of Toad Hall.

00:40:23What kind of cretins have you got on the payroll here?

00:40:27We'll work around it, OK?

00:40:29And if you value your position on my team, Jonathan, you'd be advised to moderate your language from now on when referring to the future Mrs Klaus.

00:40:36Work around it? Are you mad? I just...

00:40:40What did you just say?

00:40:42Just run and come round from over there.

00:40:45No, he just slammed the door open.

00:40:47And just like, rawr!

00:40:49Right, how does it go?

00:40:50Kids arrived to play in their den and found him inside, gnawing on a bone.

00:41:01He took one look at them and made a bolt for it, disappearing down the lane.

00:41:06With a pronounced limp.

00:41:08Morning.

00:41:11Where is...

00:41:12See?

00:41:14When is...

00:41:15...

00:41:19It's good.

00:41:24Yeah.

00:41:27Woodpecker, if I'm not mistaken.

00:41:53Oh, no.

00:41:55Here's one that Tooth Fairy missed.

00:41:57A premolar crown with a Maryland bridge, as individual as any fingerprint.

00:42:06Someone somewhere made this, and I'll have a record of who they made it for.

00:42:10Their name, please, Sergeant, and don't spare the horses.

00:42:15What can I say?

00:42:16There comes a point in your life when just leaping into bed with every gorgeous girl

00:42:20that comes along seems suddenly, well, rather tawdry.

00:42:24You realise you're looking for a sense of permanence.

00:42:27Commitment.

00:42:28Commitment?

00:42:29Only you could marry a woman just to get your leg over and call it a learning curve.

00:42:33Well, view it how you will, Jonathan.

00:42:36Her moral probity and purity of spirit have won my heart.

00:42:39Hmm.

00:42:40Which prompts me to ask how your little reunion with Miss Connie went yesterday.

00:42:45Well, obviously she was in a bit of a state, not with everything that had happened.

00:42:50And highly vulnerable, so I hope you were there for her when she needed it most.

00:42:55Well, I...

00:42:58Afternoon.

00:42:59Everyone decent?

00:43:00Oh, what a shame.

00:43:01You all right?

00:43:02Have the gallstones these days.

00:43:03Looking up, thanks for asking.

00:43:04I found a terrific new specialist who's promised to keep me away from hospitals and the cost

00:43:08of carry-on matron at all costs.

00:43:10Are you two off to the Canaries again this afternoon?

00:43:12Yeah, but no rush if the pair of you have still got things to discuss.

00:43:16That's no sweat.

00:43:17I'll, um, grab myself a coffee and wait for you in the car.

00:43:29Yes.

00:43:30Sorry about Charlotte, you were saying.

00:43:31Hang on a sec.

00:43:33Yeah, well, I can't exactly make a move, can you, under those circumstances, even if

00:43:52you wanted to.

00:43:54Meaning what?

00:43:58Because you haven't resolved this thing between you and, um...

00:44:00Oh, I don't know.

00:44:03I suppose Maddy's more like...

00:44:07You know when you get a comfy old sweatshirt that you're happy to just keep putting on day

00:44:11after day?

00:44:12Hmm?

00:44:13It's like it's not something you even bother to think about.

00:44:30So, I guess we say nothing to Charlotte for the time being, about your switcheroo theory.

00:44:43Could just do her head in.

00:44:45I suppose I'm going to be picking tons of glass out of here now forevermore.

00:44:50A hundred and fifty quid for a new window, they're like rubbery.

00:44:55Got a Coke with that, by the way?

00:44:56I could murder a black coffee.

00:44:57Coke.

00:44:58Coke.

00:44:59Oh, she's making a Aussie.

00:45:01That's a good one.

00:45:02You're smashing that box.

00:45:03Oh, she's taking a break, I can't believe.

00:45:04Oh, here we go.

00:45:05The blue one, I can do it.

00:45:06Take, your girl.

00:45:07I'm going to be looking for a new one.

00:45:08You're doing everything.

00:45:09I'm very, very careful.

00:45:10I'm going to be taking a break.

00:45:11You're going to be taking a break and a break.

00:45:12I'm going to be taking a break.

00:45:13Okay.

00:45:14I'm going to take care of your outfit.

00:45:15What's going to be?

00:45:16I'm going to be taking a break.

00:45:17Good.

00:45:18So, that's when I'm dropping it.

00:45:19I'm out of the way.

00:45:20I'm going to walk away.

00:45:22I didn't know you.

00:45:23Why'd you just do that?

00:45:34Sorry?

00:45:36Lock your door when you saw me.

00:45:39Um...

00:45:39He's an ugly-looking pile of shit.

00:45:41I'd better lock my door because he tries anything.

00:45:44Right?

00:45:45Well, I don't like the look of you, either.

00:45:49As it happens.

00:45:50I said, do you want to get out and discuss it?

00:45:54Hmm?

00:45:55I said, do you want to get out and discuss it?

00:45:59I said, do you want to get out and discuss it?

00:46:04What?

00:46:04Cheering!

00:46:06Come on!

00:46:07Get out of there!

00:46:08Hold on!

00:46:19That's it.

00:46:20And very gently...

00:46:23Out you come.

00:46:31What's your game?

00:46:32This.

00:46:33What's yours?

00:46:33Tiddlywinks?

00:46:34Now piss off before I nick the pair of you.

00:46:36Oh, you've got a bitch.

00:46:48Not again!

00:46:50So then, Mr. Creek.

00:46:52Claustrophobic woman in a lift?

00:46:54No signature on the suicide note?

00:46:56What do we think?

00:46:57Morella was really Beryl.

00:46:59Which may affect the motives, if not the mechanics of this crime.

00:47:03You think it was a crime?

00:47:05Well, these are very murky waters.

00:47:08And if I know anything about anything, I'll retain a friend, Mr. Precops, at the source of it all.

00:47:12Of course, we've had to release him again for now.

00:47:15But he'll give himself away sooner or later.

00:47:18Oh, yes.

00:47:19And a possible lead on the riddle of the limping man.

00:47:22Been squatting in some kiddie's homemade den, apparently, out in the woods.

00:47:25A little bit of detective work.

00:47:28We should have a name for him within a day or two.

00:47:29Heh.

00:47:53What?

00:47:54I'm telling you.

00:47:55Look at you.

00:48:00You've got half a windscreen down here.

00:48:03So where is it you are now?

00:48:04I've lost track.

00:48:04City University?

00:48:06Doing a postgraduate degree course in cytology.

00:48:09Staring down a lot of microscopes, basically.

00:48:12Until I find a teaching job, son.

00:48:14Oh, hold still.

00:48:15Got another couple of bits down your waist, though.

00:48:17I know.

00:48:18It's amazing where they all get to.

00:48:19Careful, Jonathan.

00:48:20Just tip them upside down over the sink.

00:48:22What I do in my electric toaster.

00:48:23What in hell's name?

00:48:29It's okay.

00:48:29It's just father firing off a few rounds.

00:48:32Thought he'd have had enough of guns for this week.

00:48:35Find something to do.

00:48:37Displacement activity, I suppose.

00:48:38I'm going to go mad.

00:48:39So, I think you said something about scrapbooks, Jonathan?

00:48:57Jonathan?

00:48:59Jonathan?

00:49:01Oh, yeah.

00:49:02Those press cuttings of your mother's upstairs.

00:49:07That's a bit of a fly, but sometimes these things can spark a thought.

00:49:11Oh, of course.

00:49:12You know you're around.

00:49:13You've known him quite a few years now.

00:49:22There was a time once I thought, definitely, it's going to happen.

00:49:30We'd had this really fantastic evening together.

00:49:35You know when you just get a feeling about someone.

00:49:39I virtually offered myself to him on a plate that night.

00:49:44But then, for whatever reason, he just made a polite excuse.

00:49:49There you go.

00:49:52At the end of the day, I suppose I wasn't his type.

00:49:55I suppose.

00:49:56Now, Charlotte, a couple more tiny points I'd like to catch up on.

00:49:59Would you mind?

00:50:00Oh, my God.

00:50:30Darling, be tender

00:50:39Tender to this poor guy

00:50:47A love that will never end

00:50:51A love that can never die

00:50:58This was at number 23 in the hip parade

00:51:01The day we first met

00:51:04You know, people, whenever they hear it

00:51:08Say it makes them want to weep

00:51:10Yes, take it off, would you please?

00:51:13It's upsetting me

00:51:15A love enshrined in everything we do

00:51:20Um, Charlotte, that pot of Earl Grey you mentioned earlier on

00:51:23Oh, sorry

00:51:25Yes, I'll get the kettle on

00:51:26Mr. Belenitis, I wonder if...

00:51:31What, sir?

00:51:32Sorry

00:51:34This has nothing to do with your wife's death

00:51:37But I wonder if you'd do me a quick favour

00:51:40I wonder if you see how?

00:51:42What if you'd like to do?

00:51:42You run?

00:51:43Yes, look at it

00:51:56What if you'd like to do with your wife's death?

00:51:59I suppose Maddy's more like, looks like, a comfy old sweatshirt.

00:52:18Go on.

00:52:19That you're happy to just keep putting on day after day.

00:52:24Thanks. That's been educational.

00:52:29Ah, hello. He's got that look we all know and love. What you found?

00:52:36Enough to suggest that someone's done something amazingly clever here.

00:52:40And at the same time, unutterably stupid.

00:52:44Mr. Bellonitis, the man you saw with your wife in the garden, when he ran away, can you remember which leg he was limping on?

00:52:50Well, I think...

00:52:52Yes, he was dragging the left leg as he went. With the weight on the right.

00:52:57And? That tells us what?

00:52:59Nothing, for the moment. But it could tell us everything.

00:53:05Huh.

00:53:07Tear.

00:53:07I wonder sometimes whether we're going too deep here.

00:53:25This whole thing isn't just a pack of lies dreamed up by our friend, Mr. Bellonitis.

00:53:34Can you really take the word of a man named after an inflammation of the foreskin?

00:53:39But then, why invent a story that's so patently ridiculous no one's ever going to believe it?

00:53:45Oh, but the lamp.

00:53:57Oh, but the lamp.

00:54:01You know, sometimes, Sergeant, I could be such a ninny.

00:54:10OK, well, thanks for all your help. Again. I imagine we'll be back in touch before the week...

00:54:16What was that? A bat?

00:54:18That's the second one I've seen today. What are they doing, flying around in January?

00:54:23Hey, listen, I've had a thought. If you've got to get back to London, why don't I run Jonathan home?

00:54:29We can cut across country, only take 40 minutes.

00:54:30You reckon?

00:54:31Save you going to Timbuktu and back.

00:54:33Right. Thanks. I'll just get my coat.

00:55:03No!

00:55:33Two hours thirty-seven.

00:55:37Take off one fifty-six for dinner at the pub.

00:55:43It's exactly forty-one minutes.

00:55:46You'll slip in.

00:55:48Oh yes, this is all very Jonathan.

00:55:55Décor, I'm guessing.

00:55:58Victoriana?

00:55:59With posters of Maskelyne and Cook round the walls.

00:56:04Yeah, well...

00:56:09Maybe some other time.

00:56:11Beg your pardon?

00:56:20Sorry Jonathan, I couldn't scrounge a bed for the night.

00:56:29Look, alright.

00:56:36It's bad enough I get home to the seven plagues of Egypt without you giving me a hard time.

00:56:40I just thought maybe I could be useful here tonight, that's all.

00:56:44What as? A contraceptive?

00:56:46As a sounding board.

00:56:48In case you want to discuss stuff.

00:56:50I suppose you'd have just got into the bed and spent the entire night being eaten alive.

00:56:54Chance would be a fine thing.

00:56:56Talk about a winning line on your lottery ticket.

00:56:58There's skid marks out there now.

00:56:59We should go and get home quick enough.

00:57:01God, what are you like?

00:57:02I don't know, Jonathan.

00:57:03What am I like?

00:57:04A comfy old sweatshirt?

00:57:06You're happy to keep putting on day after day?

00:57:09Or a pair of underpants?

00:57:11You can't be bothered to change for a month.

00:57:16How did you...?

00:57:17Baffling, isn't it?

00:57:22And now I've got your undivided attention,

00:57:24you can tell me what it was you found in that scrapbook this afternoon

00:57:27that suddenly put a spring in your step.

00:57:32It may be nothing. I don't know.

00:57:38A magazine piece about 16 years ago.

00:57:40A guy went round to her house to do an interview

00:57:44and was treated to an impromptu illusion

00:57:47in which Miss Carney turned a Rolls Royce into a Porsche before his very eyes.

00:57:51So?

00:57:55There's the shape of something here that's breathtakingly impressive,

00:57:59but I really need to sit down with it for a while.

00:58:03So, our current thinking is what?

00:58:05The whole shebang was premeditated?

00:58:08A murder that was made to look like a suicide?

00:58:11Or a suicide that was made to look like a suicide?

00:58:14What?

00:58:16Look, if you stop and think about the footprints,

00:58:20there was only one set going up to the body.

00:58:23But what's to stop someone very carefully walking back the same way,

00:58:28retracing their steps?

00:58:30Ordinarily nothing, but that's not what he said.

00:58:31He said the guy ran off into the woods.

00:58:33There was no time for all that, anyway.

00:58:36Remember, he never took his eyes off her from the moment she shut herself.

00:58:39All right. How do we confirm her real identity?

00:58:42It would be a help if we knew where that Hannah

00:58:43and her friend with her magic fingers are buggered off to.

00:58:46Presumably found some other gullible character by now

00:58:48who's looking for a miracle cure and got more money than sense.

00:58:56Terrific news specialist who's promised to keep him away from hospitals.

00:58:59Oh, no, even he will.

00:59:02What?

00:59:04Who are we talking about now?

00:59:06That's Sunday night.

00:59:08There's no show.

00:59:10I wonder if they do house calls.

00:59:11It's a private function.

00:59:12Can anyone join in?

00:59:13What in the hell's name?

00:59:14For God's sake, Adam, you of all people.

00:59:15Mr Lau, we've heard so much about you, we just had to come and see for ourselves.

00:59:16It's a private function. Can anyone join in?

00:59:17What in the hell's name?

00:59:18For God's sake, Adam, you of all people.

00:59:19Mr Lau, we've heard so much about you, we just had to come and see for ourselves.

00:59:20Wow.

00:59:21It's a private function. Can anyone join in?

00:59:23What in the hell's name?

00:59:25For God's sake, Adam, you of all people.

00:59:26Mr Lau, we've heard so much about you, we just had to come and see for ourselves.

00:59:42ourselves. Wow. Clock that, Adam. Whipped out your gallstones before he's even touched

00:59:53you. How do you do that? Sorry, Hannah. We were rather anxious to catch up with you

01:00:01for a word about the death of Mirella Carney. My God. He hadn't heard.

01:00:10They, uh, read about my condition, gave me a call. I just... Look, there are many facets

01:00:16to science, spirituality, which we don't fully comprehend. I'm just trying to keep an open

01:00:20mind. Does it make me stupid? I'll be in my room. So, setting aside your little scheme

01:00:31of taking shallow show business types to the cleaners, what we're really interested in

01:00:35is what happened that night between you and your mother. We are talking about your mother.

01:00:40Aren't we? You see it as taking them to the cleaners, but there's a very positive, life-affirming

01:00:47role to our work. Often, if a patient believes himself to be cured...

01:00:51Yes, I think we can skip the sales talk. Let's just say there was a profit motive to your visit,

01:00:56starting with your first port of call when you went to see Aunty Mirella and Uncle Jerry.

01:01:01Only when you got there, it wasn't Aunty Mirella that you saw.

01:01:05She fooled the rest of the world for 15 years.

01:01:14I guess she knew it wouldn't take me 15 seconds.

01:01:17You can't describe what goes through your head at a moment like that.

01:01:32Joy.

01:01:35My mother had just come back from the dead.

01:01:38Joy would have been good.

01:01:39But I didn't feel joy.

01:01:43Anna.

01:01:44I felt...

01:01:45Maybe this is weird.

01:01:47I'm sorry.

01:01:48Maybe it isn't.

01:01:49Why?

01:01:50Cheated.

01:01:51In the name of God.

01:01:53How dare she put me through the wringer.

01:01:55Stand.

01:01:56Deny me her own existence.

01:01:58All those years.

01:02:00Oh, if you'd been there.

01:02:02Oh, he'd been there.

01:02:06What else was I going to do?

01:02:09That's when she took me back to that morning in September.

01:02:13The saw was real enough.

01:02:15Trick relied upon a second false blade taking over when it hit the harness.

01:02:19But for whatever reason, that's not the way it happened.

01:02:32Dkm, If...

01:02:33of COURSE

01:02:46Ч reaches Whichever

01:02:49Are you still alive?

01:02:51Cantersen.

01:02:52Saint Lavenz

01:02:53plays

01:02:555

01:02:57sequences

01:02:583

01:02:59f

01:03:02For a minute I couldn't speak, hear, feel, and then, through that explosion of horror,

01:03:29I saw the horror that was still to come.

01:03:32I had maybe half a minute to make a decision that would last a lifetime.

01:03:46I had the power to make her mother survive.

01:03:52Was that so wrong?

01:04:08To restore that life to them.

01:04:12And you didn't think of me.

01:04:14You gave me no reason to think of you.

01:04:15The life that I would lose.

01:04:17Where were you, anyway? Floating down a river somewhere with a needle in your arm.

01:04:21And you didn't think that I might grow up?

01:04:23I didn't know if I still had a daughter.

01:04:25I might suddenly need you and you wouldn't be there.

01:04:28No, all you can do is hate me.

01:04:30For what you did, you can rot in hell.

01:04:36Hannah!

01:04:39Please.

01:04:44Next day I had to put some distance between us.

01:04:48Try and get my head round it all.

01:04:51Now you're saying she's dead?

01:04:54I'm sorry if I can't.

01:05:01You see, to me, she was never alive.

01:05:05I don't know.

01:05:24I feel like I'm getting snow blindness on this now.

01:05:27Where do we go from here?

01:05:29That's a very good question.

01:05:32Which I suspect can only be answered by someone from the local wildlife trust.

01:05:36Give me that again.

01:05:38Why do you think there were bats flying in winter?

01:05:42When this is all over, I'm going to open a sweet shop.

01:05:46I've decided.

01:05:47With those big jars of humbugs and barley sugars.

01:05:51It's got to be an easier life.

01:05:53What is a hibernaculum, anyway?

01:05:56The place where animals hibernate.

01:05:59In this case, a disused water reservoir.

01:06:02Which, if the directions that guy on the phone gave us, are correct.

01:06:08Yep.

01:06:16Something or someone disturbed those bats, woke them up and drove them out of their hidey hole.

01:06:23Someone who was driven out of his own hidey hole earlier in the day.

01:06:28I just asked for a few hours on the floor.

01:06:30When it was a kid in the day.

01:06:31I had a meal at the front.

01:06:32This place was facing the sky.

01:06:33It was so nice that I was able to take the door.

01:06:35The floor is very comfortable and to makeいく the emptiness.

01:06:38It was crowded.

01:06:40I was very moved in.

01:06:43You are very good.

01:06:45I've got a chicken.

01:06:48You are very hungry.

01:06:50I've got a chicken.

01:06:51I've got a chicken.

01:06:52I've got a chicken.

01:06:54You're very hungry.

01:06:55You're very hungry.

01:06:57I don't know.

01:07:27I don't know.

01:07:57I don't know.

01:08:07Point me to the sherbet lemons.

01:08:11Thank you, Jonathan, for letting me share that experience which has not advanced our cause.

01:08:16One iota!

01:08:17Quite the reverse, in fact.

01:08:22We've just found out how the entire illusion was worked.

01:08:25Didn't you see which leg he was limping on?

01:08:35...

01:08:36...

01:08:41...

01:08:44BIRDS CHIRP

01:09:14E-mail to be from Kelford, sir. Looks hopeful.

01:09:18Where? Where, where, where, where, where, where, where? Yes!

01:09:23ID trace on Toothcrown. Here we go.

01:09:27Shows what can be achieved with a concentration of resources and good old-fashioned legwork.

01:09:32Re above inquiry, have successfully managed to identify, got him,

01:09:36the most elusive and no doubt significant figure in this entire cockeyed affair.

01:09:42And his name is...

01:09:44Whatever I was expecting, it's fair to say I wasn't expecting that.

01:09:55Sorry, Inspector. I know you probably snowed under with...

01:09:57No, no, no. Come in. Come in. This could hardly be more fortuitous.

01:10:00Only we think we've made a bit of a breakthrough.

01:10:03And isn't it a great feeling when that happens?

01:10:05I think I mentioned our little lead on the limping man.

01:10:08Well, it appears to have paid off.

01:10:09We've just this very second learned his name and address.

01:10:11Are you kidding?

01:10:21Is this a joke?

01:10:27No. I can't hear anyone laughing.

01:10:30You can only assume that I'm deadly serious.

01:10:31Please.

01:10:40The results of our inquiry suggest that you are the owner of this pre-molar crown

01:10:44found on the floor of that kiddy's den out in the woods.

01:10:46Yeah. Well, they would do.

01:10:54You know when you gave me that toffee in the car?

01:10:56Well, one bite lifted the thing clean out.

01:11:00I remember sticking it in a matchbox from your glove compartment

01:11:02and I thought I'd put it in my pocket.

01:11:06Guess when the guy broke in for his papers to light a fire,

01:11:08he must have taken that as well and then found there were no matches in it.

01:11:13Sorry about that.

01:11:16Could have saved your guys a lot of time and trouble.

01:11:19Probably.

01:11:21Probably.

01:11:22All right.

01:11:26It looks as if we're going to have to open up a second front on this gentleman now, then.

01:11:30Actually, I don't think that would be necessary, Inspector.

01:11:34You're on the level about this.

01:11:37I'm just going to pop to the loo for a sec.

01:11:41Okay. What you got? Let's hear it.

01:11:50Hello?

01:11:52You're lying.

01:12:20You spend your life lying to people.

01:12:24You lied to us before.

01:12:25You lied to my father.

01:12:26You're lying to me now.

01:12:28You can't bury the truth forever.

01:12:30I'm sorry if it hurts.

01:12:31Hurts!

01:12:32You're asking me to believe that half my life never existed.

01:12:35None of that was real ever since I was 12.

01:12:41No.

01:12:41You can't take her away from me like that.

01:12:46I'm sorry now.

01:12:47In death, at least, I think I have a right to reclaim my own mother.

01:12:52If you would all just like to come through and wait, I think he's upstairs.

01:13:21Jerry, pro-am detective time.

01:13:24Charlotte, I'm not sure about her.

01:13:26You haven't seen her on your travels.

01:13:29She's in the back garden, collecting her thoughts.

01:13:33We were just leaving, actually.

01:13:37I've said all I came to say.

01:13:38But you might be interested to hear what we've got to say.

01:13:41If we could just hang on to you for a few more minutes.

01:13:42Something's wrong.

01:13:51Sorry?

01:13:52Just got a feeling.

01:13:52Come on.

01:13:53Come on.

01:14:23Somebody do something!

01:14:46I suppose it's part of the ritual.

01:14:56We all have to sit through this.

01:14:58My daughter should be in hospital.

01:15:01I just...

01:15:03It was like, what's the point anymore after that?

01:15:13I can see there's a lot for people to come to terms with here.

01:15:25A woman who, for 15 years, took on her sister's role as a wife and mother.

01:15:31A woman who became that wife and mother for all practical purposes, did it matter at the end of the day what name she was born with?

01:15:38Evidently, to one person in this room, it mattered enough to murder.

01:15:45The problem, though, how do you kill someone so it looks as if they'd done it themselves?

01:15:54Not once, but twice.

01:15:56First in the morning with an overdose, then again at four o'clock with a rifle.

01:16:01And more bafflingly, why?

01:16:04And what do we make of this mystery figure in the snow, this limping man?

01:16:09The last person, apparently, to speak to her before she died.

01:16:14As it turns out, not a lot.

01:16:19He was just some bloke, basically, living rough in the woods of a slightly nervous disposition with a dodgy leg.

01:16:25A man who had nothing to do with anything, and yet without whom we'd never have been able to lock this case up.

01:16:30Yes, of all the details, the dodgy leg was the clincher, just slightly ahead of that lamp in the conservatory.

01:16:42Of course, the flex hadn't been shortened at all.

01:16:46It was the table that had been moved further away.

01:16:49That much I'd fathomed, though why was still beyond me.

01:16:54No such thing as magic.

01:17:01It's hard to hang on to that thought, kind of stuff we've been seeing.

01:17:05Even when you know it's a lie.

01:17:08No one can perform invisible surgery with their hands.

01:17:12No one can walk out of a house when they're already dead and put a gun in their mouth.

01:17:15And no human being alive can run through four inches of snow without leaving any marks.

01:17:19The more you look at it, the more you realise we've been coming at it from the wrong angle.

01:17:26And the question is not, why weren't there any footprints?

01:17:30But why couldn't you see them?

01:17:33Answer, because you weren't looking in the right place.

01:17:45That trick with the car.

01:17:47Performed for the benefit of a journalist and his readers.

01:17:53Had an echo of something.

01:17:55The way he described it, she sat him in the conservatory.

01:17:59Rolled her outside the window.

01:18:02Flips and blinds about.

01:18:04Suddenly it's turned into a Porsche.

01:18:10Now there's two or three ways she could have worked that.

01:18:12But for speed and simplicity, only one that made any sense.

01:18:16Once you've got the key to it, that you're not looking through a pane of glass anymore.

01:18:22But that's a mirror, reflecting a different part of the garden entirely.

01:18:28All things are possible.

01:18:30You look at the almost perfect symmetry of the grounds.

01:18:33It must have worked a treat.

01:18:34Of course, the observer has to be carefully placed for the eyeline.

01:18:39Hence the hastily repositioned chair and table and the lamp lead that no longer reach the socket.

01:18:45A bit more time, that could have been sorted out.

01:18:46But then the killer had only dreamed the whole thing up the night before.

01:18:49I had the power to make her mother survive.

01:18:54But you didn't think of me.

01:18:56You gave me no reason to the life that I would lose.

01:18:59Where were you, anyway?

01:19:01Floating down a river somewhere with a beautiful...

01:19:03You can trash me from here to eternity, but you can't nail me for her death.

01:19:27Not now.

01:19:29Not ever.

01:19:29But I don't think we'd have a hard time pinning a motive on you, would we, Mr Preckop?

01:19:34When you learned the truth that night, what she'd done, you went down like a cup of cold sick.

01:19:39The truth?

01:19:40Well, yes, of course.

01:19:42One had always suspected, many times over the years.

01:19:47But still, the shock of hearing it confirmed.

01:19:55Hearing the tears and the histrionics.

01:19:58How the decision had been forced on her.

01:20:00All in the space of a few seconds.

01:20:02If you believe that, you'll believe anything.

01:20:10Look at what she had to gain.

01:20:12And tell me that was an accident.

01:20:15Her own life was a mess.

01:20:17Her marriage was a Greek tragedy.

01:20:19She'd lost her only daughter.

01:20:20But you can't seriously suggest...

01:20:23What you're saying is just...

01:20:27Pure evil.

01:20:29Because you were blinded by her love.

01:20:32For you, for Charlotte.

01:20:34Don't you see?

01:20:35That was the secret to it.

01:20:38That was the whole reason for it.

01:20:40Whatever the truth, you made up your mind.

01:20:45Mirella was murdered and it was time for justice.

01:20:48And when you remembered that old trip with a mirror, it all fell into place.

01:20:52Well, of course, the notion of using one of her own props against her seemed...

01:20:57deliciously apt.

01:21:00So, what happens?

01:21:06You dig the thing out and install it.

01:21:13A little adjustment with the chair.

01:21:14Everything's in place.

01:21:23Using one of Jerry's guns, you perform the deed.

01:21:30It's all had a couple of coats that are a pretty close match.

01:21:35One for her.

01:21:36One for you.

01:21:57Alarm all set.

01:21:58Should you nod off, okay?

01:22:00I'm off to the woodshed now to do some woodking.

01:22:04So now the body's safely masked behind the mirror.

01:22:11So at four o'clock, when Jerry wakes up,

01:22:14what he'll see is a distant hooded figure, yourself,

01:22:19clearly taking her own life with a rifle.

01:22:22He'll dash off to get help, ring the police, whatever,

01:22:25during which you'll back into the house around the other side to remove the evidence.

01:22:28What do you do with me?

01:22:29Only now came the first of several unforeseen screw-ups.

01:22:36A couple of minutes to four, local hobo appears.

01:22:39What are you doing here?

01:22:41I don't know, trying to catch a couple of quid or a loaf of bread or something,

01:22:44and has to be scared off, sharpish.

01:22:48Get out!

01:22:49Go!

01:22:51And you can't take it.

01:22:53Keep going.

01:22:54But with a bit of luck, you didn't see him.

01:22:58Your alarm hasn't gone off yet.

01:23:00And the act proceeds as planned.

01:23:06No!

01:23:06Of course, instead of disappearing back into the house, he goes outside.

01:23:16Guy can hardly walk.

01:23:18That wasn't meant to happen either.

01:23:20Still not too much of a problem.

01:23:22He doesn't think to look behind him, even if he did.

01:23:25What's he going to make of another load of footprints on the other side of the garden?

01:23:28You've managed to get round in time just the same.

01:23:42The mirror's removed.

01:23:44And rather helpfully, it's already starting to snow again.

01:23:48Jerry!

01:23:50At this point, you think you've pulled it off.

01:23:53She's been seen committing suicide.

01:23:55You've literally got away with murder.

01:23:56And then that one little detail you could have done without.

01:24:02When you found out that your victim had already killed herself.

01:24:07Not the first thought to cross your mind, probably.

01:24:10When you went in there as she was taking a midday nap.

01:24:14That the woman lying there was already dead.

01:24:26What kind of guilt was it, do you suppose, in the end?

01:24:32That drove her to it?

01:24:36The shame of what she'd done to her daughter.

01:24:41Or what she'd done to her sister.

01:24:44What did she really want us to forgive her for?

01:24:49So anytime you want to, pop in for a cuppa.

01:24:59I suppose I'll be haunted forever now by limping men.

01:25:02Is the only thing I could think of that would seal it?

01:25:05If he was limping on the right leg when we saw him and the left leg the other day, it had to be a reflection.

01:25:10If a credit where credit's due, you'd sniffed him out from the off.

01:25:13Well done.

01:25:14With that lie about her calling through the door when she was obviously dead.

01:25:17As I said, like dung on a donkey.

01:25:21What are you going to charge him with?

01:25:24Possession of an offensive haircut?

01:25:26Oh, we'll think of something.

01:25:31Look after yourselves.

01:25:31All right.

01:25:43Go on, then.

01:25:44What?

01:25:45Adam's apple?

01:25:46What are you talking... That's just the way she was swallowing.

01:25:48Oh, don't be so ridiculous!

01:25:50I can see it now. It's as plain as day.

01:25:53Twenty quid says you're wrong.

01:25:55All right.

01:25:58Jonathan Creek.

01:26:01Oh, you are joking.

01:26:06You've got to be...

01:26:07What?

01:26:10Adam. He's been rushed to hospital.

01:26:13Gaulestones?

01:26:13His bride-to-be tried to beat him to death with a poker.

01:26:19Well, I never learned, Jonathan, to read those signs.

01:26:22What happened?

01:26:24Our first prenuptial adventure.

01:26:26She steps out of the shower, naked before me for the very first time.

01:26:30And suddenly...

01:26:32Do you know what I'm staring at?

01:26:34I think we've got a shrewd idea.

01:26:36To find threaded through an intimate area of your fiancé's body a ring...

01:26:40It's challenging enough.

01:26:43To find threaded upon that ring...

01:26:46A small, nickel-plated swastika...

01:26:49...takes me somewhere I don't want to go.

01:26:52You're not serious.

01:26:54It appears the blonde, blue-eyed Elsa was of more conservative stock than I imagined.

01:27:00A Nazi.

01:27:03And suddenly, all those black shirts were making sense.

01:27:08At that point, things got kind of ugly.

01:27:11Anti-fascist polemic does not make for great foreplay.

01:27:13And she began sadistically beating me with fireside equipment.

01:27:18Well, I suppose we'd better make a move.

01:27:19Okey-dokey, Mr. Clouse.

01:27:21What's this?

01:27:21A conjuring trick that went wrong?

01:27:24You keep sticking swords into young ladies, they're bound to turn nasty.

01:27:28I wonder if we ought to strap him down, nurse.

01:27:30You never know with these magicians.

01:27:32They might start flying around the room or something.

01:27:34Now then.

01:27:36I've got some gallstones as well, I see.

01:27:39Looks like you'll be with us for a day or two.

01:27:40Listen, Jonathan, there's something she said to me yesterday, Charlotte,

01:27:46when she was talking about you, that...

01:27:49Well, if I don't pass it on, it's going to be on my conscience forever, so...

01:27:56She's never actually said this to you herself, in so many words, but...

01:28:04You're really not her type.

01:28:07Sorry.

01:28:10Probably as well.

01:28:15Who needs all that latent hysteria, anyway?

01:28:19First sign of trouble, string yourself up from an oak tree.

01:28:21Well, you couldn't be dealing with it.

01:28:25Exactly.

01:28:28So, I suppose you've still got nowhere to sleep at night.

01:28:30Do you mind?

01:28:30How long do they reckon it's going to take, then, these exterminators?

01:28:35Days?

01:28:36Weeks?

01:28:36We could be talking millennium here.

01:28:38They're right.

01:28:39Would I lie to you?

01:28:40And here's Preston!

01:28:42Oh, dear.

01:28:43What went wrong?

01:28:44He's still here.

01:28:45I think his powers have failed him.

01:28:46We'll have to use the lift.

01:28:48Oh, God!

01:28:50God!

01:29:12Oh, God!

01:29:17Oh, God!

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