- 2 days ago
First broadcast 14th March 2014.
A wealthy kidnap victim appears to pull off a mind-boggling act of teleportation to alert the police to her whereabouts.
Elizabeth Conboy - Lindsey Isherwood
Teddy Nicholas - Karl
Uriel Emil - Ethan
June Whitfield - Heidi & Laurel Greeley
John Bird - Horace Greeley
Sarah Alexander - Polly Creek
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek
Josie Lawrence - Denise
Melanie Gray - Daisy Shand
Dar Dash - Kevin
Mark Flitton - Dean
Caroline Lee-Johnson - DI Karen Addams
Daniel Osgerby - Rowan Isherwood
Paul Blackwell - Police Enforcer
Nigel Genis - Birdwatcher
Peter Jonathan Moore - Office Worker
A wealthy kidnap victim appears to pull off a mind-boggling act of teleportation to alert the police to her whereabouts.
Elizabeth Conboy - Lindsey Isherwood
Teddy Nicholas - Karl
Uriel Emil - Ethan
June Whitfield - Heidi & Laurel Greeley
John Bird - Horace Greeley
Sarah Alexander - Polly Creek
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek
Josie Lawrence - Denise
Melanie Gray - Daisy Shand
Dar Dash - Kevin
Mark Flitton - Dean
Caroline Lee-Johnson - DI Karen Addams
Daniel Osgerby - Rowan Isherwood
Paul Blackwell - Police Enforcer
Nigel Genis - Birdwatcher
Peter Jonathan Moore - Office Worker
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00.
00:30Hi. Hi. How's it going? You having a good one? Not working too hard? Listen, I thought
00:53we could just celebrate with a quiet night in tonight. What do you think? A bottle of
00:56wine, just the two of us. Keep it all really low-key. I know, I'm so boring.
01:17Guys, can you come out please and bring your papers? Thank you.
01:21Let me show you the papers.
01:51Nice day for it. Who ordered some music? How'd you do?
01:58Go on then. Your husband. Remind what he does? Secretary of State or something, in the government.
02:07We can but hope. One day. At the moment, just a junior minister at the Home Office.
02:12That's what we need. Sorting out all the villains.
02:14Oh! Oh!
02:16And your face? It was Carl who recognised. Didn't you say? One of those computer magazines the other week?
02:22You went front cover? Oh, that. Yes. It was just, um... I developed this new fractal compression codec to combat generation loss through chroma subsampling. Lot of fuss about nothing.
02:37Yeah. Lindsay Isherwood. Top solutions analyst.
02:44Voted number one in the country by experts. What did they call you? Some kind of problem-solving genius?
02:52I don't think we need to go there. What did Newton say? Standing on the shelves of giants?
02:57Real, inspirational genius for me is when we take those very first steps into the light.
03:02Like the day when man comes up with that very first primitive alphabet or a system of smoke signals or semaphore, you know.
03:07He's essentially finding new ways to repackage information. To reinterpret and convert it into simpler forms of readily transmittable data that, conceptually, are the basis of all modern communication.
03:17Oh, God. I seem to have went into a Melvin Bragg interview.
03:22Look, I've got, er, two hours before my husband's back. First guest will be here at seven. They're gonna have to leave you to it while I go and make myself presentable.
03:28If you need anything, just give me a shout.
03:47What's happening? Are we all ready now?
04:01Ready to rock and roll.
04:02Uh-huh. Great.
04:03Ah!
04:04Ah!
04:05Ah!
04:06Ah!
04:07Ah!
04:08Ah!
04:09Ah!
04:10Ah!
04:11Ah!
04:12Ah!
04:13Ah!
04:14Ah!
04:15Ah!
04:16Ah!
04:17Ah!
04:18Ah!
04:43Let's go.
05:13How would that be as a birthday present to every back of the month piece, huh?
05:31We'll see how much your husband thinks you're worth.
05:35Okay, we'll leave you now to have your dinner.
05:45This is number one solutions analyst.
05:49Come up with a solution to this one.
05:51We'll be really impressed.
06:22He's been among us after all these years, and he could be a lot worse, couldn't he?
06:26What's his name? Leonard?
06:28Jonathan.
06:29Still very early days, of course, for the pair of you.
06:33And you've still got your looks.
06:35You won't be worrying yet about affairs and infidelities and everything turning stale.
06:41Well, the rancid stench of adultery will be the last thing on your mind, as it was for me at your age.
06:49But, of course, I've buried three husbands since then.
06:52Today, we'd call them mercy killings.
06:55Don't listen to her.
06:56She hasn't been sexually aroused since Eden resigned.
07:00Now, what do you think?
07:01Should I pour his, or will he be a while yet?
07:04Oh, not sure.
07:05I think after that last serving of rum and marmalade brulee,
07:08on top of the venison baggots, he just needed some fresh air.
07:13Oh.
07:14So, what do you think, Laurel?
07:15Any chance of finishing this off before the clocks go back, or...?
07:18Don't rush me, Horace.
07:20You always were an impatient child.
07:22I don't know why we come and stay with you.
07:26You're always the same.
07:28Well, this will just have to do.
07:35Louse, Wirt.
07:36Thirteen, doubled is twenty-six, plus fifty bonus, seventy-six.
07:42Yes, I'm enjoying playing this special Klingon edition.
07:45Quadplex, Jigaboos, Cabizons, Eclegite.
07:50And who or what is a louse-wirt when it's at home?
07:53It's a small pinkish plant.
07:55Don't you know anything?
07:57Semi-parasitic, I think, and related to the snapdragons.
08:02But then, you never paid any attention, did you, to Botany at school?
08:08Oh, you look a bit brighter.
08:09Did you, um...
08:11I did, thank you.
08:13Down by the river, or...?
08:15Yeah, I went up onto that little bridge and leant over the rail.
08:18It was the perfect spot.
08:21To watch in your amazing bird life, Mr Greeley.
08:25All your egrets and mallards, wonderful.
08:28Wigeon and teal.
08:30I think I saw a grey heron, didn't I, at one point?
08:32Skulking amongst the reeds.
08:34You'll have worked up an appetite for a stilton barley cake.
08:38Actually, I, that's been a lovely evening, a lovely food.
08:43But, uh, time we were moving, do you reckon?
08:45Early start in the morning, and you know who's coming at seven.
08:47Oh, yes, our new cleaner, Denise.
08:50God, I'm steady.
08:51Talk about marriage problems.
08:53I wouldn't mind, but it's all she ever goes on about.
08:56Every last intimate detail is one's some sort of agony, aren't it?
09:00Thanks for a smashing evening, all of you.
09:04Yes, and, uh, how nice to know you found our wildlife so fascinating.
09:10And I wondered if you'd also managed to spot a great crested green bud there.
09:14I was fairly sure I heard one a few minutes ago.
09:17Very distinctive call they have, rather like a sort of loud, retching sound.
09:21Very likely, Mr. Greeley.
09:25Now you come to mention him.
09:32Well, that was a rare treat.
09:34Not many meals.
09:36We can actually feel your arteries furring up with each mouthful.
09:39Bring back Jack Warner and Elsie and Doris Walter.
09:42Are you going to do something about that phone of yours?
09:49I've accidentally re-darmed all the while.
09:51That's the third time this week now.
09:52Oh, sorry, sorry.
09:53It's a mind of its own.
09:54It's got a very sensitive keypad.
09:56I will do something about it.
10:00And don't you think you could just learn to be a bit more sociable now and again?
10:03You just have to make the effort sometimes, you know, reach out to people.
10:07Not be so quick to judge.
10:08Oh, why didn't I use that loo just now?
10:13All that coffee.
10:14Two minutes.
10:22No, no, I won't be bullied.
10:24Not many times.
10:26You know how I feel about it all.
10:28Look, this really isn't funny, Heidi.
10:31We'll never get away with this in a month of Sundays.
10:35I can't go through with it, I'm sorry.
10:37You will go through with it.
10:39We have to.
10:40There's no backing out now for either of us.
10:43Oh, come on.
10:45You've got 24 hours, so just pull yourself together.
10:53That was quick.
10:54No, I didn't.
11:01Oh, well, I'll tell you later.
11:03Denise, how are we this morning?
11:18Oh, you know, Polly, me and Dean.
11:23I don't like to talk about it.
11:25Certain things between a husband and wife you really just can't talk about.
11:28Oh, no, no, I completely understand.
11:30He never touches me anymore.
11:32I mean, not in those places.
11:35You know the places I'm talking about.
11:37The front garden, public bridalways.
11:39And that's for what happens in bed.
11:40Don't let's even, you know, because I couldn't.
11:42Oh, God, no, of course.
11:43Get more action in Lennon's tomb.
11:45Oh.
11:46Oh, OK, so he does night shifts at the store now,
11:50but you'd think we could occasionally meet in the middle.
11:54So to speak.
11:55Oh, but now, this'll interest you.
11:59Guess what I picked up from this old bloke in the back of the van yesterday?
12:03Don't.
12:04Piddling all sorts of weird stuff and bric-a-brac.
12:07And I just thought, it's got to be, hasn't it?
12:11Aladdin's lamp.
12:13Maybe my luck will change.
12:14And on the bottom, he's got this weird little inscription.
12:19See here?
12:20Cave quid optis.
12:22I thought maybe you could make sense of them.
12:25Latin.
12:30Cave quid optis.
12:32Idiomatically, I suppose.
12:35Be careful what you wish for.
12:36Oh.
12:37Well, what does any woman wish for?
12:40Men and money.
12:42Excitement and wealth.
12:44Oh, just a nice guy, for a start.
12:46To come into my life and give me a good...
12:48We get the picture.
12:49Well, you know, give me a good time would be nice.
12:53And here's where it gets spooky.
12:55Do you know what turned up last night in my spam?
12:58Completely out of the blue.
13:00A link to one of these, what do you call them, male escort agencies.
13:03So, how amazing is that?
13:08Sue, but you're not seriously considering...
13:11Oh, I've done it, Polly.
13:13It's booked.
13:14Online, whole thing sorted.
13:16You know, because I'm thinking, come on, Denise, this is your life.
13:20Get in.
13:21Right?
13:22So, anyway, yeah.
13:27Tomorrow night, fingers crossed for me.
13:30I'll keep you posted.
13:33Sure, we'll all look forward to that.
13:35Oh, God, what is this?
13:42What the hell is this?
13:44I don't know.
13:44What is it?
13:45It looks like...
13:46You know those cameras people set up that...
13:48work off a sensor, or whatever,
13:51to take pictures of wildlife by a remote control during the night?
13:55Oh, I don't believe someone's done this.
13:57Last night, coming back from Greeley's,
14:02when we had to stop off by that bit of woodland,
14:04because I couldn't last any longer.
14:06Are you joking?
14:08What, you mean...
14:09an automatic picture of you going...
14:14How bad exactly are we talking here?
14:24Oh.
14:26Wow.
14:27They've really raised their game with these fast lenses now.
14:30Check out that resolution.
14:31Never mind the bloody resolution.
14:33It doesn't even say you sent it.
14:35There's no note inside, no message.
14:38I don't recognise the writing.
14:40Someone's put this in our postbox this morning.
14:42Well, who do we know might have one of these cameras?
14:43Round here.
14:44Could be anyone.
14:45They're all into that bloody malarkey.
14:47Could be anyone in the village.
14:48They're probably using it as a screensaver,
14:50even as we speak.
14:51Oh, come on.
14:52It's probably just a bit of fun.
14:54You wouldn't start worrying yourself.
14:56It's gone viral or anything.
14:58Gone viral?!
14:59God, you really know the right thing to say, don't you?
15:01Come on, we'll get the car out.
15:04Good morning.
15:18Jonathan, sorry I can't believe I don't even know your last name, Daisy Shand, that famous
15:33evening six years ago with Arabella.
15:35Daisy Shand, you're joking, how are you?
15:38Because didn't you rock that night?
15:40Yeah.
15:41I mean just amazing to say you pulled it out the back, well.
15:45That must be one way of putting it, my God.
15:48Because you're a legend now in our house, I tell you.
15:51Yes, and hi, you might remember me. We got, what was it, married? Yes, that's right.
15:55Oh, yes, sorry. This is Polly, my wife.
15:58Polly, hi.
15:59And you two know each other obviously from...
16:01Well, actually not really at all, do we?
16:03No.
16:04Only in the most casual sense.
16:06He delivered my first baby.
16:08Oh, okay.
16:10That kind of casual sense.
16:12Well, you were going out with my best friend.
16:14Yeah, mad Arabella, the midwife.
16:16Came round for a meal that night and that's when it all went pear-shaped.
16:19Well, I was pretty pear-shaped already.
16:21Yes, you were.
16:23Seriously bad timing.
16:24She'd still got her arm in a sling from that skiing accident.
16:26Skiing accident, yeah.
16:27You remember she had to talk you through the whole thing.
16:29Am I, sure.
16:30Nightmare.
16:31That's what we got there in the end.
16:33So, how is he now? Emotionally scarred for love?
16:36He's great.
16:37Oh.
16:38He's a little star, definitely.
16:39Oh.
16:40And got a little sister now as well.
16:41Wow.
16:42Theodore's departed from the scene, but no, we're all of us really good.
16:46Oh.
16:47Well, listen.
16:48Em, you should come round for a bite to eat.
16:51Why don't you give me a call and we can have a proper catch-up?
16:54That'd be so nice.
16:56Yeah.
16:58Definitely.
17:00Nice to see you.
17:01Nice to see you too.
17:02Nice to meet you.
17:03Lovely to meet you.
17:04Bye.
17:05Bye.
17:06Bye.
17:07Bye.
17:08What?
17:09Oh, come on.
17:10You were the one who said I had to be more sociable and start reaching out to people.
17:17What?
17:18What?
17:19What?
17:20You couldn't make it up, could you?
17:21A weather girl.
17:22Yes.
17:23I think she'd only just started at the Met Office at the time, actually.
17:24Isn't it amazing?
17:25You know, I honestly didn't recognise her face at all.
17:26Which only begs the question, which bit would you have recognised?
17:41Funny, isn't it how these little nuggets from the past can still emerge after all this
17:45time?
17:46Still.
17:47I suppose it's what keeps a marriage interesting.
17:49Now, okay with you if we dispense with the stirrups tonight and just go for a dining
17:53chair?
18:12Oh!
18:13You were a bit earlier than I was expecting.
18:16And you'll be Denise.
18:18I'm Kevin.
18:19Kevin, yes.
18:20Right.
18:21Oh, come in.
18:22Come in.
18:23Come in.
18:28I will be fine.
18:29Deep breaths.
18:31Just give me a second.
18:33No worries, Denise.
18:35You just relax.
18:36Thanks.
18:37I was just about to get in the bath, but...
18:38Sounds like fun.
18:39Oh, no, definitely.
18:43It's like all the data's there.
18:45What's to be sceptical about?
18:47I mean, because we're tracking these things globally every day, using general circulation
18:51models.
18:52And all our projections are for further temperature rise in the atmospheric mean.
18:56You can talk glaciers, you can talk hurricanes, you can talk precipitation.
18:59I just don't get where these people are coming from half the time.
19:02Oh, but you know what's funny?
19:04The other day, right, I'm reading this report and this headline about a top denier briefs
19:09conference.
19:10In a journal of climatology?
19:12Well, it sounded highly unlikely.
19:15Looked at it again, of course.
19:17Top denier briefs conference.
19:19If you say it the right way, it does make more sense, but I thought that was so funny.
19:24Definitely.
19:25Hmm.
19:26You know when you're really struggling?
19:28To somehow see the relevance of nylon hosiery.
19:31That's the thing.
19:33I thought so.
19:34It's like it's suddenly just clip, denier, denier, you know?
19:38Hello?
19:40Sorry?
19:41Who's that?
19:42Denise?
19:44Hang on, slow down, slow down.
19:45You're not making any sense.
19:46What do you mean?
19:47What kind of tragedy?
19:48He's dead, Polly.
19:50The man I said was coming round tonight.
19:53It's like he just started gasping and rolling his eyes.
19:58Obviously I thought he was enjoying himself.
20:01And then all of a sudden he just went to funny colour and stopped breathing.
20:07I think I'm going to faint.
20:13Oh, no, don't faint.
20:15Don't faint.
20:16I'll be right over.
20:17What's happening now?
20:18Don't ask.
20:19Another crisis.
20:20Oh, God, Polly.
20:21What have I done?
20:22So where is he?
20:23Still in there?
20:24Yes.
20:25And he's turned turtle now.
20:26Oh, what am I going to do?
20:27Turn turtle?
20:28I was trying to see if there was some way I could get hold of him.
20:30I don't know.
20:31So if you run for the police or an ambulance?
20:32I can't bring the police.
20:33And say what?
20:34I've got a dead male prostitute in the past.
20:35They'll need two ambulances.
20:36want to take me away after Dean finds out.
20:37Oh, yes.
20:38It's not going to see the funny side of this.
20:39I can't bring the police.
20:40I can't bring the police.
20:41And say what?
20:42I've got a dead male prostitute in the past.
20:43There'll be two ambulances.
20:44One to take me away after Dean finds out.
20:45Oh, he's turned turtle now.
20:46Oh, what am I going to do?
20:47Turn turtle?
20:48I don't know.
20:49I was trying to see if there was some way I could get hold of him.
20:52I don't know.
20:53So if you run for the police or an ambulance?
20:55I can't bring the police.
20:56And say what?
20:57I've got a dead male prostitute in the past.
21:00There'll be two ambulances.
21:02What?
21:03To take me away after Dean finds out.
21:04Oh, he's not going to see the funny side of this.
21:07I think my head's going to explode.
21:11Oh, yes, Denise.
21:13Do you think you might want to put something on?
21:15Oh, yes.
21:16Good.
21:17Good idea.
21:18Yes.
21:19Something soothing.
21:21Calm me down while I try and get my thoughts straight in.
21:26Clothes, Denise.
21:27Clothes?
21:28Very good.
21:29Check his pockets.
21:31Perhaps they could tell us something.
21:34Oh, here we go.
21:36An envelope.
21:37Looks like a gas bill.
21:39Uh, ah, Mr. Key, Harry, Martine, Bishop's Row, Lower Dreyfield.
21:45Kay?
21:46Tell us what we'll do.
21:48I think I saw this somewhere.
21:49Might have been a cracker or a Midsummer Murders.
21:52We drive him home in his car and fill up the bath.
21:57Then we just leave him for someone else to find.
22:00Maybe if we could put him in a sack.
22:01Put him in a sack?
22:02Are you insane?
22:03We can't walk out of here with a dead body.
22:04What if someone sees us?
22:05No.
22:06No, that is completely out of the question.
22:07What's this?
22:08We're going to examine his prostate now.
22:09Dabs, Polly.
22:10We don't want to leave a Socko team any presents.
22:11Oh, you've got all the terminology.
22:12Socko, dabs.
22:13Oh, you're watching other cop shows.
22:14It wraps up.
22:15Oh, God.
22:16Maybe Jonathan was right.
22:17I should have been more careful.
22:19I should have been more careful.
22:32I should have been more careful.
23:00Now, I should have been more careful.
23:01We just need to try the sizing, that's it.
23:02We should have been on past them.
23:03Enough, sir.
23:04Oh!
23:05Oh!
23:06Oh!
23:07Oh!
23:08Oh!
23:09Oh!
23:10Oh!
23:11Oh!
23:12Oh!
23:13Oh!
23:14Oh!
23:15Oh!
23:16Oh!
23:17Oh!
23:18Oh!
23:19Oh!
23:20Oh!
23:21Oh!
23:22Oh!
23:23Oh!
23:24Oh!
23:25Oh!
23:26Oh!
23:27Oh!
23:28Oh!
23:29Oh!
23:30Oh, God, who remind me never to invite a strange man into my life ever again?
23:35It's not even as if we were going at it that hard.
23:40Thanks.
23:51Okay.
23:53I think I can come now.
23:57I think we're going to be all right.
23:58I don't know what it was.
24:06It was like a pink butterfly or something that just went past this time of night.
24:10Oh, God, Bonnie.
24:13Listen, you are a lifesaver.
24:15Thank you so, so much for tonight.
24:17But you've got to promise me, again, you will not breathe a word of this to anyone.
24:23What are you now, Birken hair?
24:26You realise that's completely illegal?
24:28Is it?
24:29Well, it's bound to be.
24:30Everything's illegal now.
24:32There'll be some European statue governing the re-immersion of corpses in water without their written consent.
24:37I don't know.
24:38What if you took him back to the wrong house?
24:40Someone's in for a nice surprise in the morning.
24:41Oh, don't say that.
24:42No, no, no, the key worked in the lock.
24:46Stop trying to scare me.
24:48Anyway, you'll want to talk about riding to the rescue with damsels in distress.
24:53Any more of your exciting escapades I need to know about?
24:56Performing a caesarean on Wincy Willis with a Swiss Army penknife?
25:01So, when did she leave?
25:06She did leave.
25:12Madness.
25:14Complete madness.
25:15All right.
25:40KiKA
25:42Oh, my God.
26:12And everything was still locked.
26:33Windows, obviously, not an option.
26:35It's not the sort of thing your husband would creep in and leave as a present.
26:39And he'll be back here any minute.
26:43Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
26:47Sodding lamp.
26:48Men and money, did I say?
26:51Because this is really starting to do my brain in now, big time.
26:54Can you begin to guess how much it's worth?
26:58And this Kevin who came round.
27:00I never so much as set foot in here the whole time, I can swear to that.
27:05I just changed the bed because, oh, don't ask, everything in the house just felt so unclean by that time.
27:12So I put on a complete set of fresh sheets, fresh pillowcases.
27:16I am telling you, that was absolutely not there when I went to sleep.
27:22Where did it come from?
27:24It's got like a number four on the back.
27:25Why does that seem vaguely familiar?
27:33Time's completely wrong, of course.
27:36With the winder pulled out, maybe deliberately stopped at that point for some reason.
27:42Five past one.
27:45What time did you get back last night?
27:47Eleven-ish, eleven-fifteen.
27:49Oh.
27:49So, who's the photographer?
27:53You or...
27:54What?
27:55Oh, don't.
27:58If he spent less time playing with all his toys and a bit more with me, it might have been a different story.
28:03I mean, what is going on here?
28:07A piece of priceless jewellery can't just magically appear from nowhere out of thin air.
28:13Can it?
28:14Hmm.
28:16It's a bit of a shocker.
28:17I'll give you that.
28:19Why have I got the lurking suspicion that I'm not looking at a gift here, but some kind of message from someone, somewhere?
28:30A message from who?
28:33You tried to tell us what?
28:37Oh.
28:41Hello, Dean.
28:43Don't think you've met Polly and Jonathan?
28:46We were...
28:47We were just leaving.
28:49There was nothing else last night when you were out.
28:55No one about when you were outside his house, no one who might have been following you, or...
28:59You mean like a genie of the lamp that floated through the keyhole?
29:04There was a butterfly at one point, but...
29:07Sorry?
29:08Flew past me outside.
29:10It might have been a moth.
29:11It's a bit gaily coloured for a moth.
29:14It was more of a pink colour.
29:15Of course.
29:30That's what it was.
29:33And this is why I saw it.
29:35That government minister, Rowan Isherwood, whose wife's just been kidnapped.
29:39Look at this.
29:40Her personal monogram, L.I.
29:44Lindsay Isherwood.
29:45Hang on, pause it there.
30:00How does that work?
30:07What, they took the watch off her?
30:09And then miraculously planted it under the pillow of a woman...
30:13Goodness knows how far away, who's got nothing to do with anything.
30:17What would be the point?
30:20Fairly obviously no point whatsoever.
30:23Far more point if it had come from the victim.
30:26What?
30:26How desperate would you be in her shoes to send out some kind of cry for help to anyone who'd listen?
30:34Right, when they've got her locked up, chained up and handcuffed in a completely airtight dungeon.
30:39I mean, from the look of this, she can barely move from the spot.
30:42I know.
30:42On the face of it, an utterly fantastical notion.
30:45But what do we know about Lindsay Isherwood?
30:46About her famously invented mind, her proven ability to dig away out of any problem that's thrown at her.
30:52I mean, clearly she's unable to speak or even write to anyone in there.
30:55Yeah, but what if she'd managed, by some amazing lateral process we can't even begin to imagine,
31:01to send some kind of coded SOS to the outside world?
31:071.05.
31:10It's not a time.
31:11It's a date.
31:131.05, the first...
31:14Oh, God.
31:18Mayday.
31:25Hey, hello.
31:27Hi, Denise.
31:29Not now.
31:30This is just getting so bizarre.
31:33I've just had a message from that escort company saying that, owing to incorrect information,
31:39my credit card payment was declined.
31:41And we are therefore unable to process your booking.
31:46They never took my money.
31:47The transaction never went through.
31:49But that means...
31:50No-one from that place ever came round here last night.
31:52Well, then who was that guy who died in your bath?
31:55I have absolutely no sodding idea.
32:00Um...
32:00Well, this may or may not be connected, but...
32:04I think we found out who that watch belongs to.
32:09I gave her this.
32:11The 35th birthday.
32:13This is absolutely the watch she was wearing.
32:15Where did you get this from?
32:17Who are these people?
32:18All right, Mr. Isherwood.
32:19I think we have to take this step by step for now.
32:22Vitally important in cases like this,
32:24we managed to sort out the cranks and time wasters from those with a genuine lead.
32:28And, incredible as it sounds,
32:31I have to tell you that we found an almost perfect fingerprint from your wife on the glass here.
32:36In fact, so perfect, it would suggest...
32:39She placed it there deliberately.
32:42To prove it's genuine.
32:44What's the inference here?
32:46We know they've got her.
32:47They've put out that loathsome video.
32:53What's this?
32:54Found just under three hours ago amongst some bushes on Limbury Common
32:58by a lady walking her dog.
33:00Discarded tights in the undergrowth wouldn't necessarily raise an eyebrow,
33:04but in view of the upmarket brand
33:06and the rather curious fact that a knot's been tied in the elastic at the top,
33:12the whole area's been sealed off while we carry out a thorough search.
33:15We have no idea, of course, the extent of the damage before the dog got to them.
33:20Either way, I don't think we should jump to any conclusions as yet.
33:24Let's just wait and see for the moment what exactly...
33:26Karen Adams, actually, he's with me now, sir.
33:32Oh, really?
33:35Yes.
33:36No, no, I will.
33:38The kidnappers, apparently, have released another video.
33:47They're saying this was shot just 20 minutes ago.
33:50It seems to be more of the same.
33:54Except now with bare legs.
33:56I don't want you, Scott.
33:57What the hell does it mean, all of this?
34:13Yeah, no, that's rough.
34:16No, that is seriously bad news.
34:18No, no, I appreciate it, mate.
34:20Thanks for ringing.
34:22Yeah, see you around.
34:23Bad news?
34:25Yeah, not good, not good.
34:26A mate of mine from the darts club.
34:28I've known him six years.
34:30Oh, dear, sorry.
34:31Yeah, 32.
34:32I reckon he had a heart condition.
34:34Gosh, he never looked after himself, did he?
34:36I mean, he smoked 50 a day.
34:39But still no age, is it?
34:41One minute he's lying there having a nice hot bath.
34:44Yeah, neighbour went in this morning, apparently.
34:47Do you know what a kicker is?
34:49It was only a couple of nights ago he said he'd try and pop round here.
34:51Only got a minute.
34:53Have a look at your stiff clutch.
34:55Did you mention that to me at all?
34:59Don't mention it.
35:00Well, that was his trade, wasn't it?
35:02Kev Parry.
35:03Car mechanic.
35:06Yeah, real choker.
35:08Anyway, you were a long time.
35:11What was it, free setter?
35:12What do you mean?
35:13Oh, yes, yes.
35:16Marathon.
35:17Yes.
35:18That Penny's got a demon backhand there now.
35:23Um, I think I might just get in the shower and then perhaps have a lie down.
35:38Morning, Polly.
35:46Having a wee break?
35:48Having a coffee break?
35:50Um, yes.
35:51How are you, Mr. Greeley?
35:52Uh, yes, fine.
35:54Uh, first, I'll need the month photographic club bird watch.
35:58If you go in the woods ever, up yonder, especially at night, there's some fascinating sights.
36:05I go in the woods at night.
36:06Um, not very often, no.
36:09Oh, actually, while I've got you, something I forgot to mention the other night.
36:14Come on, Harry.
36:15I've got a letter from a lady through the newsletter.
36:18Sounds very interested in your husband.
36:21Um, here, Miss Poppy Mason lives in Lower Thatchum.
36:25Apparently, she's an underwear model.
36:27She says she totally shares his fascination with unexplained phenomena.
36:30I would love to meet up with him sometime.
36:32What do you think?
36:32Shall I put her in touch?
36:33An underwear model?
36:35I don't think he's quite got over the weather girl yet, actually.
36:37So, uh, still, I mean, she's that keen.
36:43Uh, and how's Heidi and Norrell?
36:47Not gone back yet?
36:48Uh, not till next weekend, no.
36:50And they're both okay?
36:53Absolutely fine, as far as I know.
36:55Well, give them both my love.
36:57Oh, for goodness sake, Laurel, don't be such a weed.
37:11I said we could do it, and we did it.
37:14Look at me.
37:15It was ten hours ago, and I'm still shaking.
37:20It was the most wretched night of my whole life.
37:23And I tell you this much, Heidi, never again.
37:28Look, we are on the verge of something.
37:32Don't you understand?
37:34It was never going to be easy.
37:36We knew that.
37:37But now is not the time to lose our nerve.
37:43Oh.
37:53You okay?
38:06Yeah, yeah, just a head full of stuff.
38:08This kidnap thing.
38:11Or you try and tease it out.
38:13A killer, isn't it?
38:15Everywhere you come at it.
38:17Hmm.
38:18And you're still not letting go of that theory.
38:23She's somehow pulled off this amazing act of teleportation from inside an airtight prison cell.
38:29Even you couldn't manage a trick like that.
38:32Well, you'd be surprised.
38:33It's just a knack, mostly.
38:36Throw in that one curveball.
38:39A device or an idea or sometimes the simplest thing that everyone's forgotten about.
38:44And then, once you've tumbled it, the whole miracle's blown.
38:48And that curveball here is...
38:50Almost certainly stereos in the face.
38:52Well, I just can't see it.
38:54Well, I have to say,
38:56when that camera went in really tight,
39:00it was like her eyes were definitely trying to tell you something.
39:04What?
39:05Only one thing that would be of any use.
39:08Where they're hiding her.
39:09What would she even know?
39:10Okay, so what have we got?
39:15Watches under pinnows.
39:17A pair of ripped tights found on the common.
39:19That had a knot tied in the waistband.
39:22Suggesting the elastic's gone.
39:25I don't know, that she's lost weight and they're too loose.
39:29Struggling on this one.
39:32Struggling?
39:35To see the relevance of nylon hosiery.
39:39Is that what she said?
39:41Daisy, when she was here the other night.
39:44And if you say it the right way, it does make more sense.
39:49Not in the waist.
39:51Waste not.
39:54I don't know, maybe I was scraping the barrel here, but...
39:57Bearing in mind this is someone who's got almost nothing to work with.
39:59Can only pray that someone else somewhere will be able to fathom the clue.
40:03What do we think?
40:06What do we think?
40:07Waste not.
40:09I'd just refer to...
40:12And this is how many?
40:14About one and a half miles from their house.
40:18Corporation Recycling Centre.
40:21Hardly be holding her there, but maybe somewhere close by.
40:25No more than a glimmer, I suppose, but something to sleep on, at least.
40:31Oh, you've not forgotten Mr. Greeley's coming tomorrow.
40:36To pick up those logs I said we'd let him have.
40:40He said something to me this morning about some woman who'd been in touch with him.
40:45Seem very keen to meet you.
40:46An underwear model of all things, I think he said.
40:51Oh, yeah.
40:52He did mention something.
40:54I said, fine, as we locked you into lunchtime.
40:57He wanted to bring her along when he came.
40:58A quick chat over a cup of tea.
41:00Sent me a slightly strange text back, actually.
41:04No problem.
41:05Sure I can arrange it.
41:06Expect she'll be thrilled to meet you, with three exclamation marks.
41:09Why strange?
41:12The exclamation mark is the typographical equivalent of a red nose.
41:16It's invariably used to make a weak joke appear faintly amusing.
41:20But where's the joke here? I can't see it.
41:23Maybe tomorrow all will become clear.
41:46How long have you been using this?
41:51Sorry?
41:51Protein-enriched anti-wrinkle rejuvenating serum eliminates bags under eyes.
41:56Oh, yes.
41:57A bit crap, of course.
42:00Turn past. I've got everything here by now.
42:02Who's that?
42:03Oh, look at the devil.
42:10Morning. You well?
42:12Yes.
42:13Morning.
42:14You on your own?
42:15Oh, no, no, no.
42:16She's here.
42:17She's just still in the van.
42:18If you want to come and say hello.
42:19Hello?
42:19There we go.
42:30I've watched this one mature, of course, from the tiniest chick to this rather splendid specimen.
42:37And I can myself very fortunate to have her on the doorstep.
42:40Um, yeah, slightly lost me.
42:43Now, I can let her out if you want to inspect more closely.
42:47Well, we'd have to box clever in case she suddenly takes flight.
42:50They're a devil for that.
42:51Mr. Greedy, what are you talking about?
42:54Why in heaven's name would I want to inspect it more closely?
42:57Well, as you specifically asked me to bring her along, I naturally assumed...
43:01Asked you to bring her along?
43:03Well, I don't think I imagined it, did I?
43:06Yes.
43:07Strange as it may seem, I'm not in the habit of inviting semi-domesticated waterfowl around for morning coffee.
43:12What kind of nincompoop do you take me for?
43:15Hi, Mr. G.
43:16Re-poppy, happy to oblige, will you arrange?
43:20If at all costs, could you bring heron Monday?
43:23Yeah, well, quite patiently, I've missed the space out.
43:27It's a tad of a non-sequitur, wouldn't you say?
43:29I'm sorry.
43:30I was under the impression you took an interest in these things.
43:33If you knew how long it took me this morning to round this one up in the garden...
43:37Turned by the grace of God and three large tins of sardines, I eventually managed to...
43:40Mr. Greeney, I despair.
43:43I completely and utterly despair.
43:49I'm not laughing.
43:50Really and honestly, I do empathise.
43:53Because that must have been so disappointing.
43:58Poor thing.
43:59I was expecting to meet a serious ornithologist, and what happens?
44:01He should be grateful, I suppose.
44:05He didn't let it out.
44:07He's been telling where it might have ended up.
44:22Don't worry.
44:24I'm sure we can pop Poppy Mason back in the diary again for you.
44:27Very soon.
44:28Oh, that's all right.
44:31Bye.
44:33Oh, that's great.
44:34Really great, David.
44:35How would I be without you?
44:36Listen, you take care, okay?
44:38Bye.
44:39Bye.
44:39The rancid stench of adultery.
44:58Excuse me?
44:59Givenchy.
45:00Can you believe?
45:00Didn't go for it.
45:02They're a tough nut to crack.
45:03As it happens, she may have just come up with a crucial piece in the jigsaw that conflates
45:10rather neatly with something on that map.
45:16If you look at that corporation recycling centre, the spot where those tights were found,
45:23and that house you both went to where our poor friend Kevin lived, what do you notice?
45:28They're all in a straight line.
45:29And what does that prove?
45:35For the moment, nothing.
45:38Well, it does at least tell us where to look.
45:39It's all the way here, or maybe a while.
45:55Well, it's all the way here.
46:09Oh, my God.
46:28Oh, my God.
46:30Oh, my God.
46:34Oh, my God.
46:36Jonathan?
46:45Jonathan?
46:49Jonathan?
46:53Sorry about that.
46:55Dead branch.
46:56What the hell are you doing?
46:58Hopefully trying to shed some final light on this whole rather fantastic affair.
47:04Yes.
47:08Got you, you bugger.
47:10What have you found?
47:11What is it?
47:12One thing it's not is a pink butterfly.
47:15But it does, I think, tell us everything we need to know about Lindsay Isherwood's teleportation trick.
47:23It's the remains of a balloon.
47:24The whole idea, talking about birds, that we might be looking at some kind of airborne delivery system, was immediately seductive.
47:37Then once I'd locked in the fact that she'd been blowing them up that day for the party,
47:41there was only one train of events that could make it all work.
47:47That's it!
47:52It's something that does not come up.
47:54All the way we're playing,
47:54is STUDENT
47:56It's something we have that up.
47:58I said it's something that we can do to meet us.
47:59You're kier too.
48:01And, you know,
48:03you ally,
48:04you're on your man busy.
48:04I think you do,
48:05and I think...
48:06What is it?
48:06It's an graduate school,
48:07so I believe you're...
48:08What is it?
48:11PUTTING THE WATCH INSIDE WOULD IDENTIFY THE SENDER, BUT THERE HAD TO BE SOMETHING ELSE THAT WOULD DRAW ATTENTION TO THE BALLOON AND PROVIDE SOME KIND OF CLUE TO THE LOCATION.
48:41RANGING GALES WOULD'VE HELPED IT ON ITS WAY, TILL, AS WE KNOW, THE BALLOON AND PROVIDE SOME KIND OF
49:11TIGHTS AND BALLOON PARTY COMPANY, HALFWAY ACROSS THE COMMON.
49:20FINAL PORT OF CALL, THE TREE OUTSIDE KEVIN'S HOUSE WHERE IT BURSTS AND THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED JUST REALLY HAS TO FLOW FROM THAT.
49:34WHAT?
49:44WHAT?
49:45OH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS.
49:46IT WAS LIKE A PINK BOTTERFLY OR SOMETHING THAT JUST WENT PAST.
49:49AND JUST TO COVER ALL BASES, OF COURSE, YOU CONFIRMED PAST.
50:17THE DIRECTION OF THE WIND THAT NIGHT.
50:20WITH SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT THESE THINGS.
50:24OF COURSE, IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE I MISREAD THAT WHOLE THING WITH THE RECYCLING CENTER, BUT...
50:32DOES FEEL A BIT OF A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK, JOB.
50:37IF WE WERE ASSUMING IT WAS SOMETHING SHE COULD SEE FROM THAT WINDOW, IT COULD BE ANYWHERE, I
50:46SPOES.
50:47IN A RADIUS OF MILES.
50:48WHERE DO YOU START?
50:49NOT QUITE ENOUGH THERE FOR BASIC TRIANGULATION.
50:59BUT THEN LOOK AT OUR OPTIONS.
51:01SHE'S DONE EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE.
51:03I GUESS THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE OF ANY VALUE SHE COULD TELL US.
51:08THAT OTHER VIDEO WHEN SHE SEEMED TO BE RUBBING HER KNEE.
51:16THERE WAS A SECOND CLUE.
51:19WE NEVER SPOTTED.
51:21BECAUSE THE WAY THAT DOG HAD BEEN AT THEM DISTRACTED US FROM A HOLE IN THE KNEE.
51:28A RIPPED KNEE, A TEAR IN THE KNEE.
51:33A TORN KNEE.
51:36OH.
51:41UNBELIEFBLE.
51:43WHAT?
51:51AND THAT SECOND REFERENCE POINT TURNED OUT TO BE THE BREAKTHROUGH.
51:54TWO LOCATIONS WELL KNOWN TO THE VICTIM, THE PUB AND THE RECYCLE CENTER,
51:57WOULD HAVE BEEN VISIBLE ONLY FROM ONE VERY NARROW SECTION OF THE SURROUNDING COUNTRYSIDE.
52:02THE RECYCLE CENTER.
52:07Take him!
52:09Stay still!
52:11Stay still!
52:17Stay still!
52:19Support the serge!
52:37Police!
52:49Well, I think all that deserves a little celebration of some kind.
53:03Thought we could try out that new pizza place tonight, would you reckon?
53:07Live entertainment? Stuff ourselves silly?
53:10I might even buy us a bottle of champagne.
53:12Yes! Go on! Pat on the back!
53:14I think you've earned it.
53:16I know about that other woman, but you certainly saved my life.
53:19You know, just when you're starting to doubt your own sanity.
53:22Yes.
53:23So how are things, then, now, Denise, with you and Dean?
53:26Seem to have settled down a bit?
53:28Well, I don't want to tempt fate, but so far, just lately,
53:33things have been picking up, let's say.
53:36But you've not come clean with him yet, about...
53:38Oh, God, no.
53:40Fingers crossed that is one stupid, tragic episode
53:43he will never need to know about.
54:02You have three new messages.
54:05Listen, these last few days, sorry if I've been a bit, you know,
54:16women get these paranoias.
54:18So you're definitely okay about seeing Daisy again?
54:21Because she was so keen to have us around.
54:23And one thing she can do is cook.
54:25Absolutely, no, of course. It'll be great.
54:27That's the rancid stench of adultery. Where did that one come from?
54:30Oh, no, that was just something that...
54:34Okay, folks, time to settle down now
54:36for our Friday night open mic entertainment.
54:39Will you give a very warm welcome, please,
54:42to a charming new double act, Heidi and Laurel.
54:53Good evening. We are thrilled to be here.
54:56As you can see, I am beside myself.
55:02We are not, as you might think, identical twins.
55:06I'm identical, but she isn't.
55:09I've always been the one who takes all the risks.
55:12You see, I wasn't born until three hours after her.
55:16Always afraid to stick her neck out.
55:18Well, this is a turn-up for the books.
55:28Although...
55:32This really isn't funny, Heidi.
55:35We'll never get away with this in a month for Sundays.
55:39I can't go through with it. I'm sorry.
55:42So, where to next? The Bellagio Vegas?
55:45See, I said she had a sense of humour.
55:48You know, she would never send it the other day,
55:51that photograph.
55:53Photograph?
55:55We'd only set it up the night before,
55:57and it seemed such a coincidence.
56:00Did you not realise from the little word balloon and everything?
56:05Word balloon.
56:06We just thought, what were the chances with it coming up on the Scrabble board like that?
56:23No.
56:25No, that was a coincidence.
56:29Anyway, enjoy the rest of your evening.
56:31Yes, you too. Great set.
56:34And I love the way you didn't go over the obvious name.
56:36Laurel and Heidi.
56:38Laurel and...
56:40Oh!
56:42Yes, I thought.
56:44I think we can put that in next time, don't you?
56:46We can work on that.
56:48Yes.
56:50There you go.
56:52Worrying over nothing.
56:54Hang on.
56:56What's this?
56:58Oh, yes.
57:00She pressed it into my hand, just as we were coming out.
57:03Had quite enough of magic wishes for the time being, I think, so...
57:07Why would anyone ever believe that stuff?
57:09I don't know.
57:16Oh, God.
57:18What?
57:19Oh, it's terrible.
57:20Daisy.
57:22She came home last night from work, found her whole place had been flooded.
57:24Burst pipe or something from the flat above.
57:27She said she stepped inside, slipped over and broke her leg.
57:31She had to be on crutches now for three months.
57:33Oh, dear.
57:37Well, that's put the kibosh on that plant.
57:41Anyway...
57:42Anyway...
57:44...
57:49...
57:54...
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