- 1 day ago
Jack, trying to play violin at a charity event, ends up refereeing a wrestling match, which he bumbles and gets involved in.
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00:00The Jack Benny program with the wives of Milton Berle, Kirk Douglas, Groucho Marx, and Phil Silvers.
00:18Miss Gordon, what was that last line I gave you?
00:30I have studied the drawings as submitted by you.
00:34Oh, yes, yes.
00:35Now, I fully appreciate your position as art director of my show,
00:41but I feel that this suggestion regarding the new sets are not necessarily better than the ones we are now using.
00:55Therefore, I feel that at this time, I would not like to make a change.
01:03Is that all?
01:04Yeah.
01:06Wait a minute.
01:07Wait.
01:08One more letter.
01:09All right.
01:10To the Pelican Peanuts Company.
01:14Dear sirs, I have purchased a can of Pelican Peanuts.
01:20I have tried them and now wish to take advantage of your offer,
01:26which states, if not completely satisfied,
01:32return the label and we will send double your money back.
01:36Do you have their address?
01:45I should have.
01:46This is the eighth label you sent to them this week.
01:53Well, they made the offer.
01:55I'll have those letters typed up, will you please?
01:58Yes, sir.
01:58Here's the trade paper if you want to read it while I'm typing.
02:02Oh, thank you.
02:08Hmm.
02:08Marlon Brando signs 10-year deal.
02:14Name of picture will be announced later.
02:22Hmm.
02:23Hey, what's this?
02:25Big charity show program set.
02:29The program committee announced that this year a new wrinkle has been added to the annual Beverly Hills charity show
02:36by the addition of a championship wrestling match between Billy Varga and Gene LaBelle,
02:43which will climax an evening of spectacular entertainment.
02:47The program committee, consisting of Mrs. Milton Burrell, Mrs. Kirk Douglas, Mrs. Groucho Marx, and Mrs. Phil Silvers,
02:56report that every star called upon responded with 100% cooperation.
03:02Among those appearing will be comedians Bob Hope, Red Skelton, Danny Thomas, George Burns, Danny Kaye, Joey Bishop, and Jimmy Durandy.
03:15Miss Gordon!
03:20Yes, Mr. Benny?
03:22Miss Gordon, are you my private secretary or not?
03:26Why, yes.
03:27Well, there's a big charity show going on in Beverly Hills.
03:31All of the big Hollywood personalities are going to appear.
03:35I'd like to know why wasn't I informed when the committee called me.
03:40Have you got an answer to that or not?
03:42Well, promise you won't get angry.
03:44All right, what is it?
03:45They didn't call you.
03:53They didn't call me?
03:54No.
03:55Gee, I can't understand it.
04:01Well, I'm not going to worry about it.
04:04Well, here are the letters.
04:05If you'll sign them, I'll get them off.
04:07This is the one to the art director.
04:09Okay.
04:11There we are.
04:14And this is the one to the Pelican Peanut Company.
04:16What name did I use last time?
04:22Xavier.
04:26You were down to the X's already?
04:32Well, what name starts with a Y?
04:36Well, there's Yvette.
04:38Oh, but that's a girl's name.
04:40Well, what's the difference?
04:41All they want is the label.
04:43They don't want a picture.
04:49All right.
04:53Gee.
04:59Just can't understand why I wasn't asked to be on this charity show.
05:05Especially since the girls on the program committee
05:08are all such good friends of mine.
05:11There's Ruth Burrell, Ann Douglas,
05:15Eden Marks, Evelyn Silvers.
05:18They're all crazy about me.
05:24And what's this?
05:26Today, the committee is having their final meeting
05:29at the home of Mrs. Milton Burrell.
05:36All right, ladies.
05:37This will be in tomorrow's paper.
05:38Let's make it good.
05:39Big smile.
05:40Now, let's make sure we have these names in the right order.
05:45You are?
05:46Mrs. Milton Burrell.
05:51And you?
05:52Mrs. Kirk Douglas.
06:00And you?
06:01Mrs. Groucho Marx.
06:06Mrs. Phil Silvers.
06:12Good luck on your charity show tomorrow night.
06:14All right, girls.
06:15Now, the printer's waiting for the program,
06:17so please, let's go over it once more
06:18and make sure everything's correct.
06:20Well, we know we have the championship wrestling match
06:23for the big finish,
06:24and Burt Lanker's going to referee.
06:26That's right.
06:27Ruth, have you settled with Milton
06:28where he'll come on the program?
06:29Oh, yes, but what a time I had with him.
06:32He yelled and screamed,
06:34but he finally agreed to come on second.
06:36Milton agreed to be on second?
06:38Yes, he said it was all right
06:40for the Star-Spangled Banner to come on first.
06:45Then Milton will be coming on
06:46right after the national anthem.
06:47If we hold it down to one chorus.
06:52At least this time he's waiting.
06:54At our last charity affair,
06:55he sang the Star-Spangled Banner.
06:59Oh, is that Milton?
07:00With that dress on,
07:01I thought he was Lucy Monroe.
07:05All right, girls.
07:07Now, Phil and Groucho
07:08will do the comedy skit about William Tell.
07:11Wait a minute, Ruth.
07:12I'm really a little worried about that part
07:14where Groucho shoots the apple off Phil's head.
07:17What are you worried about?
07:18He did the same act with Kirk Douglas years ago,
07:21and he's all right, isn't he, Anne?
07:22Yes, but he didn't always have that dimple in his chin.
07:28After the comedy skit,
07:29Frank Sinatra will sing,
07:31and then Shirley MacLaine will do the dance.
07:33Girls, I hate to bring this up again,
07:36but I still think we are wrong
07:37in not asking Jack Benny.
07:39Oh, let's not go through that again, Anne.
07:41We decided not to ask Jack
07:43because every time he does a benefit,
07:44he insists on playing his violin.
07:46And we need that like my husband needs hair curlers.
07:51I don't know why,
07:53but when Jack plays the violin,
07:54it's as if his Eastering is still alive.
07:59He's always been very nice to us,
08:01and I still think we should have asked him.
08:04Well, why should we ask him?
08:05He wasn't asked to the Diamond Charity,
08:08or the Ruby Ball,
08:09or the Red Cross dinner?
08:11Eden, just a minute.
08:12I was at those affairs,
08:13and Jack performed at all of them.
08:15I know, but he wasn't asked.
08:20I still say it was kind of him
08:22to volunteer his services.
08:23And personally,
08:24I thought the audience at the Ruby Ball
08:26was very rude when they threw pennies at him.
08:28What do you mean, rude?
08:30He had Don Wilson planted in the audience
08:32to start the whole thing.
08:34I don't believe that.
08:35I didn't see Jack bend down once
08:36to pick up any money.
08:37Oh, no, but did you see
08:39that tap dance he ended with?
08:41He had gum on his shoes.
08:45I wondered why he left
08:46the stage four inches taller.
08:51Rose, I really don't know
08:53why you keep saying we should ask him.
08:55I didn't say it.
08:56It was you.
08:57Well, I must be nuts.
08:59Let's go out with him.
09:00Gee, I can't understand why those women
09:08didn't ask me to be on their charity show.
09:15Maybe I ought to go over to their meeting
09:17and in a subtle way
09:20let him know that I'm available.
09:23Yeah.
09:23Yeah, that's what I'll do.
09:25Do that right now.
09:28Well, the program's all corrected.
09:30Now, what else do we have to do?
09:31Oh, by the way,
09:32I got a phone call from Mr. Cosgrove.
09:34He says he won't be able
09:35to give us his usual contribution.
09:37He said his company's going broke.
09:40Who is Mr. Cosgrove?
09:42He's the president
09:42of the Pelican Peanut Company.
09:46Such a shame.
09:49Well, girls, the next thing we have...
09:50Oh, pardon me, Mrs. Burrell.
09:52But Mr. Benny is at the door.
09:54Jack Benny?
09:55Yes.
09:56Just a minute.
10:09All right.
10:16Let him in.
10:26Groves!
10:27Jack.
10:29Hmm.
10:30Oh, you're Jack.
10:31You know the girls.
10:31Well, Anne.
10:33And Evelyn.
10:34Hello, Jack.
10:35Eden.
10:35Hello, Jack.
10:36Well, having a good time
10:38playing cards.
10:39I see.
10:40Jack, how nice to see you.
10:42Hmm.
10:44I just thought I'd drop over
10:46and ask Milton how he was feeling.
10:49Well, if Jack Milton isn't home,
10:50he's playing golf today.
10:51I don't expect him home
10:52for five or six hours.
10:55Oh.
10:57Well, in that case,
10:59I'll wait.
10:59You'll wait?
11:11Yes.
11:12I mean, what have I got to do?
11:15I have nothing to do today
11:16or tonight
11:18or tomorrow
11:20or tomorrow night.
11:22And, you know, uh,
11:25Saturday night
11:26is the loneliest night
11:28in the week.
11:30Mm-hmm.
11:38Oh.
11:38Oh, I'm sorry, girls.
11:40I didn't mean to interrupt
11:42your game
11:43or anything like that.
11:44By the way,
11:44who's winning?
11:45They are.
11:50I don't know
11:51how you girls
11:52have time to play cards
11:53with all the different things
11:54you have to do,
11:55particularly with this
11:56charity show coming on.
11:58Charity show?
11:59What charity show?
12:01The one in the
12:02Los Angeles Arena.
12:04Oh, that little old show.
12:07That little old show
12:09with little old Bob Hope
12:10and little old Red Skelton
12:12and little old George Burns
12:14and little old Joey Bishop.
12:16Well, it'll be fine.
12:17I open with the club.
12:18Uh, a diamond.
12:19Pass.
12:20Pass.
12:23By the way, uh,
12:24who's going to play the, uh...
12:26Yasha Heifetz.
12:33Well, Heifetz is
12:35certainly very good.
12:37I mean,
12:37excellent bow arm.
12:40Two clubs.
12:42Two diamonds.
12:43Two hearts.
12:44Two spades.
12:45How about two violinists?
12:51Well, as long as I'm here,
12:53I might as well
12:55come to the point.
12:57Well, here we go.
13:01Now, knowing you girls
13:03as well as I do,
13:05I mean, I-I can't understand
13:07you're ask-not asking me
13:09to appear at this benefit.
13:10Jack,
13:11Jack, you don't know
13:12how many times
13:12your name came up.
13:14We discussed it
13:15time after time,
13:16but we just couldn't
13:16bring ourselves
13:17to ask you.
13:18But-but why not?
13:20Gee, I love to play benefits.
13:22I do it all the time.
13:23I did one a little while ago
13:25where I wore
13:25a gypsy costume.
13:27Gosh,
13:27I had my ears pierced
13:29and everything.
13:30Jack, if we had only known
13:33you were available.
13:34But now the show
13:35is very long
13:36and we only have
13:37so much time.
13:40Well, of course,
13:41in that case...
13:42Hello?
13:46Oh, hi, Bert.
13:49Oh.
13:51Oh, I'm so sorry.
13:53Well, if you can't do it,
13:55you can't do it.
13:56Thanks for calling, Bert.
13:57Bye.
13:59Girls,
13:59it was Bert Lancaster.
14:01He has to go on location
14:02tomorrow morning.
14:03He won't be able
14:04to do the benefit.
14:05Oh.
14:05Hey, that's wonderful.
14:07That leaves an opening
14:08for me.
14:10Jack,
14:10he was going to
14:11referee the wrestling match
14:12and you can't do that.
14:13What do you mean
14:14I can't do?
14:15What is there to wrestling?
14:17Of course I can do it.
14:18It'll be a great
14:18change of pace for me.
14:20Jack.
14:20Listen,
14:21please don't worry about it.
14:22I'll take Bert Lancaster's place.
14:24I'll referee the wrestling match
14:26and I'll be there.
14:27I'll do a good job.
14:28Don't worry.
14:29I'll be there
14:30right on time.
14:39Thank you very much.
14:52Ladies and gentlemen,
14:53we've had a wonderful evening
14:54of entertainment here
14:55and we want to thank
14:56all the great stars
14:57who participated
14:58in this fine charity.
14:59And now,
15:00for the climax
15:00of the evening,
15:01we come to our
15:02heavyweight championship
15:03wrestling match.
15:05And now,
15:05entering the ring
15:06from Hollywood, California,
15:08wearing white trunks
15:09at 224 pounds,
15:11the American heavyweight champion
15:13Calk Billy Varga,
15:14ladies and gentlemen.
15:19And now,
15:20the challenger,
15:21wearing black trunks,
15:22hailing from Amarillo, Texas,
15:24at 230 pounds,
15:25Gene LaBelle,
15:26ladies and gentlemen.
15:31And acting as our referee
15:33this evening
15:33is a man who performed
15:35in rings throughout
15:35the Midwest
15:36under the name
15:37of the Waukegan Wildcat,
15:39the one and only
15:41Jack Benny!
15:42Jack Benny!
15:42Jack Benny!
16:06This is the title match,
16:08one fall for the
16:10heavyweight championship
16:11of America.
16:12Shall we proceed?
16:13Oh, I would,
16:14I, uh,
16:15I would like to talk
16:16to the contestants first.
16:17Yes, sir.
16:17First.
16:21Now, remember,
16:22even though this is
16:23a charity show,
16:25this is still
16:25a championship match.
16:28See?
16:28So, therefore,
16:29you must abide
16:30by the rules,
16:31otherwise,
16:32I will have to
16:32disqualify you.
16:34Look,
16:35just because you
16:36is the referee,
16:37you ain't gonna bully me
16:38around with no threats.
16:39And you don't have to tell me
16:40my business,
16:41neither.
16:42If you wanna beat
16:43your gums,
16:44you're gonna talk
16:44to that slob
16:45over there.
16:51Over there?
16:52You'll hide me.
16:53Now, look,
17:04I don't know
17:05whether you nose
17:06this or not,
17:07you see,
17:07but it's a championship
17:09fight,
17:10and I don't want
17:10no breaking
17:11of the rules,
17:12see?
17:13If you're trying
17:14to convey the idea
17:16that as referee
17:17you will be
17:17insistent upon
17:18no infraction
17:19of the regulations,
17:20you can be assured
17:21that I am fully capable
17:23of using any rules,
17:25be they contemporary
17:25wrestling
17:26or the Greco-Roman
17:27tradition.
17:39The Greco-Roman
17:40tradition?
17:41Yes.
17:42You see,
17:43the present-day
17:44form of American
17:44wrestling
17:45is an amalgamation
17:47of both the Greek
17:48and the Roman
17:49styles.
17:49It allows for a
17:51certain amount
17:51of capriciousness,
17:52still providing
17:53for the necessary
17:54discipline.
17:55But since you've
17:56been selected
17:57to referee
17:57this contest,
17:59I'm sure you are
18:00fully capable
18:00of doing the job.
18:02well,
18:09no,
18:13no.
18:15Then what kind
18:16of a slob
18:17are you?
18:20Never mind.
18:22I would like
18:23the contestants
18:24in the middle
18:25of the ring,
18:25please.
18:28Now, gentlemen,
18:29as I said before,
18:29this is a championship
18:30match.
18:32Only one fall.
18:33So there will be
18:34no biting,
18:36no scratching,
18:37no...
18:38Is that gold?
18:41Yes.
18:44There'll be
18:45no biting,
18:46no scratching,
18:48no kicking,
18:49and no hair pull.
18:52What about
18:53healing?
18:55He means
18:56healing.
18:58That's when
18:59the contacting
18:59area of the blow
19:01is confined
19:02to the base
19:02or muscular
19:03portion of the hand.
19:05The force of the blow
19:06is delivered
19:07with a centrifugal...
19:08Oh, shut up!
19:13Now,
19:14go to your corners
19:15and come out
19:16when the bell rings.
19:17and take
19:19into the
19:20door.
19:23Continue.
19:24Julie.
19:25News
19:25outside THERE
19:27and
19:34go ahead.
19:35Uh-uh.
19:36We are
19:36coming out.
19:37Whoa!
20:07What's the fighting now?
20:29What's the fighting?
20:31What's the fighting?
20:34What's the fighting?
20:43What's the fighting?
20:49What's the fighting?
21:56I'm sorry, fellas, but when you threw me out of that ring, I really got mad.
22:12Jack will be back in just a moment, but first...
22:28Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you all enjoyed the show.
22:35I want to thank Mrs. Milton Berle and Mrs. Kirk Douglas and Mrs. Groucho Marx and Mrs. Phil Silvers for appearing on my program.
22:44It was wonderful having the wives of such great celebrities on the show.
22:51And now I have a surprise for you.
22:53You know what it is?
22:55Their husbands are not here.
22:57I also want to thank the two wrestlers for being on the program.
23:06Gene LaBelle and Count Billy Varga, the former American heavyweight champion.
23:14Good night, folks.
23:19I'll be seeing you soon.
23:20I'll be seeing you soon.
23:50I'll be seeing you soon.
24:20I'll be seeing you soon.
24:50I'll be seeing you soon.
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