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00:00Letting us be ourselves
00:01So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:03These simple lines be good for your health
00:06To keep them trying rhymes on the shelf
00:08Live love life like you just don't care
00:10I believe it's never scared
00:13Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:15Get up, it's still a beautiful idea
00:17Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:20Get up, and shit no
00:21Get up, get up, get up
00:25Get up, get up
00:27Take off your prosthetic leg
00:33Replace it with a rocket
00:34And tell everyone it's your mistletoe
00:36It's Friday, we're live
00:37And it's time for the last leg
00:38Tonight on the show
00:41The Ukraine peace deal keeps repeating on us
00:44We digest another weird week of politics
00:47And we'll serve up a taster
00:49For stand-up to cancer
00:51Plus we'll be joined by comedians
00:53Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
00:55On the show that tries its best
00:57To stomach the news
00:58Who am I going to wink at?
01:04Who am I going to wink at?
01:08G'day, I'm Adam Hill
01:09Welcome to The Last Leg
01:11The show that heard Netflix has bought
01:13Warner Brothers
01:13And now can't wait for Voldemort's
01:15Edgy stand-up special
01:16With me as always
01:17With the pride of Dartmoor
01:18Josh Whittacombe
01:19And the man who was described
01:20By an AI app last week
01:21As having a unique limb situation
01:24Alex Brooker
01:25We will cover that in a second
01:34As well as today's bizarre World Cup draw
01:36But Josh, it has been a sad time
01:38In your house this week
01:39It's been a sad time
01:41We've lost
01:42Well not lost
01:43Our hamster
01:44I don't need to
01:44Our hamsters died
01:46I know
01:47We've all been
01:48You told me that last week
01:50And I thought
01:50Oh, I feel really sad
01:51For the small ginger squeaky thing
01:53Where is he going?
01:56What's this joke going to be?
01:57I don't know where
01:58You're talking about the hamster
02:00Surely, aren't you?
02:01No, because his hamster died
02:03Oh
02:03Amazing
02:04Yeah
02:05I'll tell you what, Hillsy, on that
02:08Because I really bonded with the hamster
02:10Because, you know
02:11You think about
02:11Oh
02:12No, you think about it
02:12And he's
02:13Tell me about his little pink hands
02:15And his
02:15Yeah
02:16His furry little face
02:21And the way he always
02:23Shits in the same corner of the room
02:25It's all a bit of fun
02:28But anyway
02:28A hamster died
02:29Yeah
02:30But the problem was
02:32The ground
02:32You go and bury him in the garden
02:34Yeah
02:35But the ground
02:37Because it's been
02:38It's winter
02:38I'm aware
02:39Yeah
02:40It's frozen
02:41So we couldn't dig a hole
02:43Yeah
02:43So we had to put him in our freezer
02:45Someone had the weirdest reaction to that
02:49I've ever heard
02:49So there's a hamster in your freezer
02:51We've had a hamster in our freezer
02:53What, like, lying in steak?
02:55Lying in steak
02:56Lying on steaks
02:58What have you got, like
03:01Daisy Beckham queuing up to pay his respect?
03:05Yeah, so we had a hamster in our freezer, right
03:08He was dead, just to be clear
03:10Because obviously
03:11If we got it wrong
03:12Imagine if we'd just frozen him
03:13And then in like a thousand years
03:15He'd come back to life
03:16And then he'd have gone
03:17I don't understand what's changed
03:19Because I'm a hamster
03:19Yeah, exactly
03:20Yeah
03:20But so we then had to buy
03:22A spade off Amazon
03:23You bought a spade?
03:25I bought a spade off Amazon
03:26Wow
03:27Did your bank call you and say
03:28There's been some unusual activity
03:30On your bank
03:30It's an odd thing to buy
03:33On Amazon
03:34Why?
03:35I don't know
03:36It's just like
03:36What's your like
03:37You may also like
03:39Cable ties
03:40Gaffer tape
03:41Stop falling
03:43How are the kids taking it?
03:47So my son
03:48My daughter was a bit upset
03:49Yeah
03:50But my son, who's four
03:51That's kind of
03:52This is what they say about pets
03:54Isn't it?
03:54It teaches them about death
03:55And he started to get sad
03:59I think he realised we were going to die for the first time
04:01So that was quite sad
04:02Well yeah, because he's going to need a bigger freezer
04:04He'd fit in one of them family chest lights
04:09Alright, we are live on your telly right now
04:12You can ask us any questions about the news
04:14Message us on Instagram
04:15The hashtag's
04:16Is it okay?
04:17WhatsApp
04:17The number is
04:1807956175908
04:20Or you can scan the QR code on your screen
04:22For example
04:23Is it okay that last week on the show
04:25We asked an AI app to describe Alex
04:27And this is what it said
04:28What do you make of his hands?
04:33Yeah, so I do notice that he's got a prosthetic arm
04:36Or kind of a unique limb situation going on there
04:39A unique limb situation?
04:45A what situation?
04:47A unique limb situation?
04:50I'll tell you what
04:51Thank you AI
04:52You are one of the nicest people on earth
04:55I mean I've never wanted to start a band
04:57But unique limb situation
04:59It's actually a lie
05:04I did want to start a band a few years ago
05:06And I just never managed to get atomic mitten off the ground
05:09I love that even AI is worried about being cancelled
05:15It's so politically correct
05:18So tonight we're very proud to say
05:20At the end of the show
05:20We are going to bring you the world exclusive debut
05:23Of Alex's new band
05:25Unique Limb Situation
05:27Or as we like to call them
05:29ULS
05:29We've been talking about during the week
05:32What the album would be called
05:33I'm really pushing for the notorious PIP
05:36I think the best of album
05:39Will just be called the incomplete ULS
05:41Never mind the bollocks look at his arms
05:43One for the Phil Collins fans
05:52Short jacket required
05:54Lovely
05:55Lovely
05:57I find it funny
05:57I don't get that
05:58Well because of your arms
06:01By the way we asked AI to design a few band posters
06:07Depending on which genre Alex decided to go with
06:09It came up with an emo version
06:11Now that guy looks like he keeps hamsters in his freezer
06:16Yeah that's a band called
06:21He really needs the cure
06:22Or Cripnot
06:24I can't decide
06:25And then it came up with a country version
06:28I'm not going
06:31Why do I look like Crocodile Dundee
06:34That's not a thumb
06:35Alright the big story this week
06:40Is that there's still no peace in Ukraine
06:41Mainly because Russia wants an extra peace of Ukraine
06:44Now look we haven't talked much about this during the series
06:47So let's cover the basics
06:47A few weeks ago the US hammered out a peace deal
06:50Between Russia and Ukraine
06:52With the help of Russia
06:52But not Ukraine
06:54It basically gave Russia everything they wanted
06:56Including land they've taken during the war
06:58And some land they haven't even captured yet
07:01The only thing not offered to Putin
07:03Was a back rub from Wladimir Zelensky
07:04The deal was then taken to Ukraine
07:06Who said and pardon my Australian
07:08You fucking what?
07:10Ukraine then suggested a few changes to the deal
07:12Which was taken back to Putin
07:14Who this week said
07:14No I want the original deal
07:16And I will take that back rub
07:17Lads
07:18I just
07:19I just
07:21He's so snide isn't he
07:22Vladimir Putin
07:23This is what I've come
07:24This is my geopolitical analysis of him
07:27I just think
07:28He's just
07:29I'm fucking bored of him
07:31It's just always
07:32Ever since we started
07:33He's always moaning
07:34He's always shithousing
07:36He's always threatening
07:37And I just think
07:38At this stage of him now
07:39He's basically
07:40He's just like a Twitter troll
07:42With nuclear weapons
07:43Yeah
07:43Pretty much
07:44I love that Alex is bored of him
07:47You know what I mean
07:49He's the most threatening man on the world
07:51Is he though?
07:52No
07:53Because he's like
07:53You know he's just sort of geesey
07:54You know if you're like
07:55If you go on a stag do
07:56Yeah
07:56And it's like everything's planned
07:57But there's one who goes
07:58I don't want to go
07:59I don't want to go to the brewery
08:00Yeah
08:01And it's like
08:01What do you want to do Vlad?
08:02He's like
08:02Paintball in again
08:04Just so you can wear the fucking camouflage
08:06He won't
08:08He's just
08:08He's a man
08:09Unable to accept a deal
08:10He will never accept
08:11Have you seen his celebrity edition
08:13Of Deal or No Deal
08:14He won't even take the call
08:15I saw him in boots
08:18And he got three items
08:20Carrot stick
08:20Sandwich
08:21And the drink
08:22And he
08:22Happy to play for them all separately
08:24Well the truth is
08:26Vladimir Putin has no reason to back down
08:28Because Donald Trump
08:29Has said that if a deal isn't done
08:30He'll just walk away from it all
08:32Which is an incentive for Putin
08:34To not do a deal
08:35Because then the only people sticking up for Ukraine
08:36Would be Europe
08:37And Putin is not scared of Europe
08:39All right
08:39Put it this way
08:40Imagine if you saw Conor McGregor
08:42Kicking the shit out of Josh
08:43On the street
08:44Whilst trying to steal his wallet
08:45Right
08:46And Josh is there going
08:47Oh no
08:48You're not having my wallet
08:49What's going on?
08:52By the way
08:53Conor McGregor hasn't even got you
08:54In a chokehold
08:55In that impression
08:55No
08:57He's like
08:57Don't take my wallet
08:58So you take Conor McGregor aside
09:00You only
09:01I wouldn't keep talking
09:03I lost my hamster
09:06Don't you fucking start
09:08So you take Conor McGregor aside
09:11And you say
09:11All right
09:11What would it take for you
09:12To stop kicking the shit out of Josh
09:14And he says
09:14Well give me his wallet
09:15Oh you're not doing his accent
09:16I see
09:17Irish
09:19Come on mate
09:19Have some balls
09:20It's not
09:21It's not the Irish
09:22It's just
09:22I reckon
09:23I can take you
09:24I agree
09:28So then Josh compromises
09:30And Josh says
09:31Okay he can have the cash
09:32But I need
09:32I need my library card
09:34So you go back to Conor McGregor
09:37Who says
09:37No I want the wallet
09:38The library card
09:39And now I want his inhaler as well
09:41Now imagine if you then said
09:42Well if you guys can't sort this out
09:44I'm walking away
09:45Conor McGregor's just going to
09:46Keep kicking the shit out of Josh
09:48Until he gets what he wants
09:49Meanwhile Europe are live streaming
09:50The whole thing on TikTok
09:51With the hashtag
09:52I stand with Josh
09:53It's a lovely analogy
09:55Thank you
09:56And it's good that you've made it something
09:58That everyone understands
09:59That might happen
09:59I
10:00Two problems
10:01Number one
10:02While you're talking to Conor McGregor
10:04Yep
10:05I'm running the fuck off
10:07Okay
10:07Yeah
10:08But number two
10:08I don't have a wallet
10:09Because it's 2025
10:10And no one has wallets anymore
10:12I have a wallet
10:12What?
10:13I have a wallet
10:14Do you?
10:14Who has a wallet?
10:15Am I the only one here that has a wallet?
10:17Some
10:18Oh my god
10:18Most people don't have wallets
10:19Most people don't have wallets anymore
10:20It's called a phone mate
10:22It does everything
10:22In the same way
10:23I don't carry around a compass
10:25You
10:28What's your wallet?
10:29What you got?
10:30I've got a
10:31There you go
10:33Is that weird?
10:35No
10:35It's thick for 20
10:37What's even in there?
10:39Why is it so thick?
10:40What is it made of?
10:41Have you killed a crocodile?
10:43No no
10:44It's actually made of an upcycled British fire hose
10:46What?
10:47So there's like a fireman somewhere going
10:49There's a fucking hole in this here
10:50I described it as downcycled
10:54Because one was saving lives
10:56And now one's your wallet
10:57That is
10:58The most Australian thing ever
11:00Is to have
11:01To have a wallet
11:02That can withstand fire
11:04What have you got?
11:09What have you got there?
11:10I've got Australian credit cards
11:11I've got British credit cards
11:13I've got
11:13Adam are you in financial trouble?
11:14He spent all his money on the wallet
11:17I've got tickets to when I took my daughter to Disneyland
11:21Is that weird?
11:22No that's nice
11:23I've got a photo of my other daughter
11:24Oh that's nice
11:26See I'd have absolutely put big money in you having a photo of Harold Bishop
11:30So that's
11:31Do you know where I've got a photo of my daughter?
11:33On my phone
11:34Like every other
11:35So back to Ukraine
11:38How do you stop Vladimir Putin?
11:41Trump can't do it
11:42Zelensky can't do it
11:43Europe can't do it
11:44Someone needs to take him down from the inside
11:46And we think we know just the man
11:49In a world on the brink of war
11:52Only one man can save the planet
11:55Your mission should you choose to accept it
11:58Is to infiltrate the Kremlin
12:00And sabotage Vladimir Putin from the inside
12:03Oh go on then
12:06I'll do it
12:08When you need the ultimate undercover spy
12:11Alan Carr goes deep
12:14You can trust me
12:16The ultimate traitor
12:19Alan Carr is
12:21Double O-H
12:22Oh
12:24Coming soon to Vladimir Putin
12:27That's right
12:28I'm taking down the biggest dog there is
12:40Won't surprise you to know
12:42Tickets for Alan's new tour are on sale now
12:44Alright let's welcome tonight's guest
12:46He's in a Christmas show called Stuffed
12:48She's got a stand-up show that's stuffed with jokes
12:50Please welcome Guz Khan and Amy Gledhill
12:52Welcome to you both
13:11Did you just curtsy to the
13:12I did I don't know what happened there
13:14I loved it
13:14I think it's the tree and everything
13:16I just feel very curtsy
13:18Look on what we just talked about Ukraine
13:21How do you think Putin and Zelensky should sort it out Guz
13:24I reckon look
13:26It's a very complicated situation
13:27Yeah
13:28Very sensitive situation
13:29Yeah
13:29I reckon they should just swing it out
13:31So I think we should just set up
13:33Like a misfit style celebrity boxing match
13:36Putin can absolutely bang up Zelensky
13:39Or vice versa
13:40People might say that's quite a flippant response
13:42But I think perpetual war is worse
13:44Yeah
13:45I'd watch it on Netflix or YouTube
13:49I reckon we make a load of money
13:50I'll be the agent
13:51I'll be the guy who goes in between
13:53And makes some money as well
13:54But yeah I'd like to see on five
13:55I love you've made this a money-making exercise for you
14:00Yes
14:00And would Zelensky be topless?
14:04I mean if they pay extra
14:06If you pay extra
14:07I think Putin would be topless
14:10Whether you paid or not
14:11And on a horse at all times
14:13I would solve it
14:15I think at this point
14:16The only thing to do
14:17Is shared custody
14:19Of Ukraine?
14:21I think it's shared custody
14:22Of the borders
14:23Right
14:23So I think Ukraine can have the border weekdays
14:26Yeah
14:27Russia weekends
14:28Right
14:28And then on a bank holiday
14:30They go to their aunts in Slovakia
14:33And they watch a Bond film and eat crisps
14:36All right
14:38We're going to get back to the news
14:39Because some weird stuff happened today
14:41That a load of you messaged about
14:42It was Donald Trump
14:44While Donald Trump's peace plan for Ukraine
14:45Hit the skids
14:46How relaxed am I by the way
14:47While Donald Trump's peace plan hit the skids
14:49He was in his element
14:51As the draw for next year's World Cup took place
14:53There were performances from Robbie Williams
14:55And the village people
14:56Once again prompting the world to ask
14:57What is it with Donald Trump and the village people?
15:00I love that they're going to have the YMCA
15:02For all the gay footballers
15:04Well they did
15:06They did sing YMCA
15:07And this is a clip of Trump dancing enthusiastically to it
15:10Looking as always
15:11Like he's pretending to wank off two giants
15:13You've got to know
15:17This is the one thing
15:19No man
15:20That's what I'm saying
15:22It's great, isn't it?
15:25That's a sick guy
15:28And then I love one of them
15:30He just went whoop and up
15:31Melania is smiling
15:33But you know in her head
15:35She's thinking
15:35What a prick
15:36So earlier in the ceremony
15:39And this is the thing
15:40That everyone's talking about today
15:41Donald Trump was awarded
15:42The first ever FIFA Peace Prize
15:44And it was presented to him
15:46By Gianni Infantino
15:47There it is
15:49Look at that award
15:49Even Trump's trophy has wandering hands
15:52Yep, the inaugural bell and door
15:54Lovely
15:58That is, that's good humour
16:02In a complete coincidence by the way
16:05In July this year FIFA opened an office
16:08In Trump Tower
16:09In New York City
16:10Which means Infantino basically gave a trophy to his landlord
16:14And if you're wondering how the award has gone down among the British public
16:17Check out the likes versus dislikes on this illuminating post on the BBC
16:21You have to say who the fuck are those 266 absolute losers
16:29Did you see all the stuff today?
16:31What did you think?
16:31It was incredible to watch
16:33Obviously like the village people coming out at the end
16:36It was absolutely batshit
16:37Because they're dancing
16:38But everyone's turned their backs on them already going out
16:40But it was
16:41I think the Americans
16:42They need to kind of get
16:43They need to kind of get the terminology right
16:46Because Ike Casillas who won the World Cup with Spain a goalkeeper
16:49Was interviewed by a reporter
16:51And Rio Ferdinand used to play for England is on stage
16:54And he asks
16:55He asked Ike Casillas
16:56If Rio Ferdinand has ever scored on him
16:58Which sounds like something very different
17:01Yeah, I scored on his face
17:03Earlier in the week
17:07Trump seemed to fall asleep in a meeting
17:09In which Marco Rubio was bigging him up
17:11Here's the shocking footage
17:12But the opportunity to do that under these new trade deals
17:17Is unprecedented
17:18Of crypto in the retirement investments
17:21And we're seeing more and more of that
17:23Where we also rescinded the supplemental statement
17:26That discouraged the fiduciaries
17:28All these things, Mr. President
17:29I think you deserve tremendous credit
17:30For the transformational aspect of our foreign policy
17:33For the first time in probably four decades
17:36I mean, can you blame me?
17:40What's going on?
17:41No, you can't blame me
17:42Look, there's a lot that you can get on his case for
17:44Yeah
17:45Like his politics
17:46Apparently he's got a very tiny willy
17:49It's the size of a jelly top
17:50That's what I've read online
17:51Yep
17:51There's a lot
17:52But falling asleep
17:53At 160 years old
17:56Is there anybody in the audience today
17:59Who's like over the age of 80?
18:01Anybody?
18:02They're asleep
18:03They can't answer
18:03They're asleep
18:03They're asleep
18:04Leave them alone, man
18:06I'm comfortable with sleeping, man
18:08I think it's the most normal thing he's ever done
18:10That he's had a nap
18:11That he's had a nap
18:11What's not normal?
18:13The reason he was tired
18:14Did you see that he did 150 posts the night before?
18:18Yes
18:19So he's using social media like a teenage girl
18:22Which is, I think, why Epstein's so fond of him
18:25You're exactly right
18:34Have you ever had anyone fall asleep in front of you?
18:37Like when you're on stage, maybe?
18:38Yeah, I have
18:39Have you?
18:40That's so rude
18:41Did somebody do that?
18:41Yeah, and I think it was worse for me
18:44Because it was my first ever Edinburgh show
18:46And the guy that fell asleep
18:47Was the only guy in the audience
18:50He was the only audience member
18:52What?
18:53It was called Norman
18:54It was raining
18:55He came in to have a little read
18:57And he fell asleep
18:58I still did the whole show
18:59And I respect him
19:01Shout out to Norman
19:02You got big up Norman, mate
19:03Big up Norman
19:04He's asleep
19:04Big up Norman
19:04This time last year
19:08We gave out our inaugural Hands Awards
19:11To people we deemed to be our Heroes of the Year
19:13I don't know if you remember
19:14We used to give out the Dick of the Year
19:15But to be honest
19:15We started to feel like there were too many dicks in the world
19:18To narrow it down to just one
19:19And this year has kind of become a dick apocalypse
19:21So tonight we're kicking off the search
19:23For this year's Hands Award winners
19:25Named in honour of our Paralympic mascot
19:27This guy
19:28Now that's a Handsy trophy
19:30We want you to nominate worthy winners
19:32For the 2025 Hands Awards
19:34It could be someone internationally famous
19:36Someone locally known
19:37Maybe even just your personal hero
19:39I'm going to go around the houses
19:41Who are you nominating?
19:42I want to nominate five people
19:44Five
19:45For me the best musical reunion of the year
19:50Wow
19:50Okay, Josh
19:51So mine's musical as well
19:53But this week I did my Spotify wrap
19:56Where it gives you your stats of the year
19:57Yeah
19:58And I found out that I am in the 0.7%
20:02Highest on earth fans of Sabrina Carpenter
20:07Wow
20:08Yes, and I'd love to say that it's my daughter
20:12But she has her own Spotify
20:13But I went to see her earlier in the year with my daughter
20:16We had the best time
20:17And then she slagged off Donald Trump this week
20:19She's a legend
20:20Her music's brilliant
20:21Plus, I love the idea that our production team
20:24Have now got a week to try and give one of those
20:27To the most famous person on earth
20:28Also, we have to dress them up
20:31In the outfit of the person
20:33And it's going to be a very racy hands-on
20:35Um, Guz?
20:38Um, there's a lot of people
20:40Yep
20:40But I reckon Zora Mamdani
20:42I feel bad for politicians
20:44Who I know are about to get caned racially
20:46Because of the religious beliefs that they follow
20:48And we communicated online as well
20:51Did you?
20:51Yeah, yeah, yeah
20:52The mayor of New York communicated with you online
20:54That's correct
20:54He's a big fan of man like Mobeen
20:55He says he likes my comedy
20:56No way
20:57He's aired me since he's become the mayor
20:59So I don't know how I feel about him anymore
21:01We'll see how the next six months brings us
21:03Yeah
21:03Yeah, him, for sure
21:04He's got too big for you
21:05Yeah
21:06Already
21:06He only just won as well, wanker
21:08LAUGHTER
21:10LAUGHTER
21:11Uh, Amy?
21:13Um, so it was going to be
21:15A woman who was at the edge of
21:17Scientific discovery and space
21:20Katy Perry
21:20But
21:21LAUGHTER
21:24I had, um, a hospital appointment today
21:26Just routine if my parents are watching
21:28And, um, I said I'd give the doctor a shout out
21:31Because he was so great
21:32And, crucially, very hot
21:34LAUGHTER
21:35If you're listening, I'm shooting my shot
21:38LAUGHTER
21:38What was his name?
21:40So hot
21:41Wow
21:41What was his name?
21:43Can I am allowed to say?
21:44Yeah, see
21:44Oh, you might not be
21:46Say the hospital name
21:46Who knows who it is?
21:47He said he's going to be watching
21:49Hello
21:49LAUGHTER
21:50I think doctor patient confidentiality
21:53Works the other way
21:54LAUGHTER
21:54I'm going to nominate Celia Imry
22:01Oh
22:02For this excruciating demonstration
22:04Of how to own your own embarrassment
22:06On the traders
22:06Welcome to the worst
22:09Team building away day
22:11Experience in history
22:14What just happened?
22:20I just filed it, Celia
22:21LAUGHTER
22:22LAUGHTER
22:23A hundred percent
22:25A hundred percent
22:28APPLAUSE
22:28LAUGHTER
22:29All right
22:32Nominate whoever you think deserves
22:33To win a Hands Award
22:34On WhatsApp or Instagram
22:35Use the hashtag
22:35Show of Hands
22:36And make sure you spell it
22:38Hands
22:38H-A-N-S
22:39We'll hand out as many as we can
22:41Next week
22:41In our second ever
22:42Show of Hands
22:44I can be your hands, baby
23:00I can hands away the pain
23:06I will hands by you forever
23:12You can take my hands away
23:19We'll have more last week for you after the break
23:22As your party launches your party
23:24And we launch Stand Up To Cancer
23:26We'll see you in a little bit
23:27I can be your hands, baby
23:31I can be your hands, baby
23:37Oh, yeah
23:38LAUGHTER
23:39I will hands by you forever
23:44You can take my hands away
23:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:54Welcome back to Glass Legs.
24:11We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan.
24:13Now in UK politics this week, the party formed by Jeremy Corbyn and Zahra Sultana as a fresh
24:18alternative to Labor chose a name.
24:21They had been unofficially known as your party, but a vote this week, they officially decided
24:25to be called your party.
24:29It led to this absurd headline, your party members vote for your party to be called your
24:33party.
24:34It's incredible, isn't it?
24:37It's like the opening episode of Apprentice, sounds like the political equivalent of a
24:42your mum joke.
24:43Guz, you were a big Corbyn fan, so how do you, what do you make of all this?
24:46Yeah, love Uncle JC.
24:47You know the thing is, and I really like Zahra as well.
24:50She's great.
24:51She's been up in Coventry with us.
24:52But it's like, when they first announced it, I was like, yeah, this is going to be like
24:56The Hangover, bro.
24:57Great movie.
24:58Fun.
24:59Unforgettable.
25:00But now it feels like it's The Hangover 2 and the party is going to get like 35% on
25:05Rotten Tomatoes.
25:06Do you know what I mean?
25:07Yes.
25:08What happened in The Hangover 2?
25:09Nobody really knows.
25:10No one knows.
25:11I mean, it's a bit tricky.
25:12They were deciding whether to call it The Hangover 2, didn't they?
25:14Your hangover.
25:15Your hangover.
25:16Your hangover.
25:17I was really excited too, but it sort of feels like now, you know when there's one roast
25:24potato left?
25:25Yeah.
25:26Yeah.
25:27At the Christmas dinner.
25:28And everybody wants it, but no one's happy about it.
25:33Right.
25:34Do you know what I mean?
25:35Like, everyone wants...
25:36This could be so good.
25:37Yeah.
25:38It seems quite sad.
25:39It is quite sad.
25:40It's a potato party.
25:41Yeah.
25:42The conference took a vote on whether there should be a single leader or a collective
25:45leadership group, and the group vote won the day 52% to 48.
25:50Oh, Jeremy Corbyn going, not again.
25:54Which means your party will now be run by a 16-member Central Executive Committee.
25:59Because you know what they say, not enough cooks spoil the broth.
26:02No one wants the country run by 16 people.
26:05I don't want to be in a WhatsApp group with 16 people.
26:08The thing is, though, I actually think it's quite clever.
26:10Yeah.
26:11Because I think they're going to join together like Power Rangers and make Mega Corbyn.
26:20In other political news, reform leader Nigel Farage has spent the last few weeks denying
26:24claims he made racist comments when he was at school.
26:27Actually, I'm not sure denying is really the right word.
26:29He did whatever it is he's doing in this incriminating clip.
26:33The question is, did you ever racially abuse fellow pupils in school?
26:37No.
26:38You've caveated it with a hurtful way.
26:39Not with intent.
26:40What do you mean, not with intent?
26:41I don't understand what you mean by not with intent.
26:42What does that mean?
26:43You wouldn't do.
26:44But what does that mean?
26:45No.
26:46No what?
26:47No.
26:48I have never directly really tried to go and hurt anybody.
26:52I think he was very clear.
26:53Yeah.
26:54Garage is now refusing to talk to the BBC until they apologised for their comedy in the 70s,
27:05and he had this rattled retort to a journalist from ITV.
27:10I've spoken to another people from...
27:14Good for you.
27:15Let's move on to the Times, shall we?
27:17He says he can remember you...
27:19Very good.
27:20Making pissing noises...
27:22Very good.
27:23Harry, you are wasting your time.
27:26Bernard Manning.
27:27Bernard Manning.
27:28Bernard Manning.
27:29Do you want to hear some of the Bernard Manning jokes on ITV?
27:31Why is he talking about that bloke who does the turkey?
27:34The thing is, when he said his name three times, Bernard Manning appeared at the back of his TV.
27:41I don't know, Gus, what do you make of the far right?
27:47Oh my God, you know, there's reform and then there's further.
27:50Like, what do you make of all that area of politics?
27:52No, yeah, I'm a big fan.
27:53I think they're quite misunderstood.
27:54Oh, you've had a run-in, though.
27:57Yeah, I do like to go back and forth.
27:59Yeah, just because I feel like, unfortunately, a lot of it seems to be centred around a working class.
28:03I started off as a working class live from the West Midlands.
28:05I never want to lose touch with the people that I grew up around or my neighbours.
28:08So I like to go to the big wigs in the movement.
28:11Yeah.
28:12Tommy Robinson, Steven Yaxley-Lennon.
28:13We go back a lot.
28:15We had a recent interaction where I asked him a question and he said,
28:18it doesn't matter what you think because your mum and dad are cousins.
28:21And I said...
28:22Hey, was this on social media?
28:23Yeah, social media, yeah.
28:24If it was in KFC, he would have banged him.
28:26LAUGHTER
28:30This is...
28:32Go for one line.
28:34And I had to remind him that not all Asian people's parents are cousins.
28:38Mine aren't. They're from different countries.
28:40And I said, but it's kind of ironic that you're worried about the genetics of parents
28:44and the kind of children they produce when his mum and dad produced a son
28:48no bigger than a Lego minifigure.
28:49Do you know what I mean?
28:50Yeah, yeah.
28:51Polly Pocket from Luton's taking a piss, bro.
28:53Worry about yourself.
28:54Don't worry about me.
28:55LAUGHTER
28:56And did he get...
28:57Did he respond?
28:58He did.
28:59He actually found it quite funny.
29:00Your social media's mad.
29:01Yeah, yeah.
29:02LAUGHTER
29:03It's more than true, isn't it?
29:04More than Trump.
29:05So, are you now mates with Tommy Robinson?
29:07Don't be saying all that shit.
29:08I didn't say that.
29:09LAUGHTER
29:10I didn't say that.
29:11But it's interesting.
29:12Like, all of that super right-wing hatred, wherever you find it, it's grifty.
29:17Yeah, yeah.
29:18People don't really believe in the things that they say.
29:20It's all to galvanise an emotion and a feeling.
29:23But really, when it comes down to it in the inbox, it's all quite polite.
29:25Very underwhelming.
29:26Now, we need to move on, cos Stand Up To Cancer is back this year
29:29with a week-long campaign that kicked off today.
29:31There's a brand-new Stand Up To Cancer screening checker
29:34where you can find out if you're eligible for a cervical, breast
29:37or bowel screening, or as they're calling it, your bits, tits and shits.
29:40LAUGHTER
29:41You can find the details at screeningchecker.co.uk.
29:44Meanwhile, the city of Leicester is preparing
29:46for the Stand Up To Cancer Tribute Mile.
29:48So it's going to be a lantern display made by people from all around the UK
29:52with each lantern dedicated to a loved one lost to cancer.
29:55You can create your own dedication at tributemile.co.uk.
29:59I'm going to be launching the Tribute Mile with Mel Schilling
30:01at High Cross Leicester on Tuesday from midday.
30:03Then, Friday next week, 7.30,
30:05I'm going to be co-hosting the Stand Up To Cancer broadcast
30:08alongside Davina McCall, Claire Balding, Vicky Patterson,
30:11Hannah Frye, Babatunde Aleshe, and a whole bunch of special guests.
30:14Hopefully, I'll make it back here for the last leg,
30:17but there is a chance Josh and Alex might have to host the show on their own.
30:20Oh, no.
30:22That would be a real shame.
30:25Keeping everything cross for you.
30:27Greg Davies and Alex Horne will also be involved,
30:33and they've been trying to come up with ways
30:35to bring attention to Stand Up To Cancer.
30:37We are very excited now to show you a sneak peek
30:40at how they've been getting on.
30:42Three words, six-foot vulva.
30:52What's going on?
30:53The campaign needs a mascot.
30:55Children in Need has Pudsy. Red Nose Day has Lenny Henry.
30:58This vulva is a combination of both.
31:01It's cute and funny.
31:03Plus, it reminds people to get their bits checked for cancer.
31:07That's because this time,
31:08Stand Up To Cancer is trying to raise awareness of cancer screening.
31:12Claire, this is not some perverted episode of The Masked Singer.
31:15I can't have someone dressed as a six-foot fanny.
31:18You can go away, come up with some better ideas.
31:20Pussy.
31:21I heard that, balding!
31:24OK, today, Greg, we're hoping to find that special sauce
31:28that makes a good Stand Up To Cancer campaign great.
31:32OK, and these comprise of the appeal films...
31:34The sloppy bits to make people cry and hand over their money.
31:37OK, and also the celebrity challenge...
31:39Some celebs have flown first class so they can do a trek
31:42and rebrand themselves.
31:43I suppose so, yes.
31:44And also a song.
31:46Manipulative cry bait.
31:48OK, fine.
31:49Who's doing that?
31:52Oh, God.
31:53So, Nish has composed a song
31:55to try to get more members of the South Asian community
31:58to consider bowel screening.
32:00Yep.
32:01Right, then.
32:02Don't be shy, don't be chumps.
32:04Not enough Asians are sharing their dumps.
32:06Collect your turd and send your poo.
32:08The scientists want your number two.
32:11Everybody poop, scoop, the seal and send just me.
32:14Do it, you belly.
32:18Get out.
32:19Tell him!
32:20Get out.
32:21Shout it! Get out!
32:22Get out!
32:23Can do!
32:27Greg?
32:28Yes?
32:29I've got an idea for a challenge.
32:30For who?
32:31For me.
32:32You're not a celebrity.
32:33You look like a child drew a face on a Victorian clothes peg.
32:37No one wants to see you do anything.
32:45Hi, Greg, it's Claudia.
32:47Ah, Winkleman.
32:48Sorry to bother you, but Claire Balding's been on the phone.
32:51Yep.
32:52She's really upset about her vulva.
32:54Hmm.
32:55Hello?
32:56Greg.
32:57How's it going?
32:58Honestly?
32:59Yeah.
33:00So far I've had Balding's vulva and I've had Nishkamar's shit song.
33:03It's proving harder than I thought.
33:04Do you know what?
33:05Never failed me, fall back on public humiliation.
33:08What?
33:09I've got naked, I've had my bum waxed and I bungee jumped.
33:12Hmm.
33:13I'm thinking you produce a stool sample live on television and show people the correct way
33:17to collect it.
33:18Are you shy?
33:19I thought you were a big brave boy.
33:21I am a big brave boy.
33:23He is a big brave boy.
33:25Awesome.
33:26I'll tell him you're in.
33:29He said yes!
33:30I am not doing plit-plops on national television.
33:34We need more ideas and we need them now.
33:37I can't take any more.
33:38Shit!
33:42Are you mad?
33:43Claire, I said no to your vulva.
33:45I'm not going to sign off on a giant turd, am I?
33:48My God, I thought you were supposed to be clever.
33:50I thought you were like a sporty Stephen Fry.
33:52Greg, this mascot will get people talking about screening their shit.
33:56Their shit?
33:58Their shit?
33:59No, Claire.
34:00Your ideas, they're shit.
34:02We need funny, clever, edgy ideas.
34:05Go back to the drawing board.
34:07Wanker.
34:08I heard you again, Balding!
34:12Well, well, well.
34:13My old diving partner.
34:15Hi, Gregles.
34:16It's Greg.
34:17Or sir.
34:18What have you got for me?
34:19I am knitting something quite special for you.
34:22It's not a vulva, is it?
34:24How did you know?
34:25Was it that obvious?
34:27Hi, Greg.
34:28Dermot Murna.
34:29Dermot Murna.
34:30Another candidate for the song, are you?
34:32It's spoken word composition.
34:34Is it indeed?
34:35Good evening.
34:36Our top story tonight.
34:41Cancer.
34:42Yeah, it's good, Dermot.
34:44I just...
34:45It's bad for everyone.
34:48Could I, um...
34:49Get out, Dermot.
34:51Honestly.
34:52What a vibe, girl.
34:53Have we not got anyone fun?
34:54You need to be more intimidating.
34:55Right.
34:56Intimidating to cancer.
34:57And we do that how?
34:58Listen up, you slimy piece of shit!
34:59You think you can crawl in wrecked lives and just get away with it?
35:03Well, not on my fucking watch, dickhead.
35:04You've picked the wrong enemy.
35:05I'm going to crawl inside you and destroy you cell by cell.
35:06Do you hear me, you cancerous bastard?
35:08Well...
35:09Wow.
35:10He was a little aggressive.
35:11He was lovely.
35:12Hmm.
35:13I do think my challenge idea is good.
35:15Alex, the people upstairs have already said no.
35:17But the people upstairs were an accountancy firm.
35:19Well, you know, I'm a little aggressive.
35:22I won't be the end of it.
35:24It's true.
35:25Do you think that I'm a business or a business,
35:26you think you can crawl in wrecked lives and just get away with it?
35:29Well, not on my fucking watch, dickhead.
35:31You've picked the wrong enemy.
35:32I'm going to crawl inside you and destroy you cell by cell.
35:34Do you hear me, you cancerous bastard?
35:37an accountancy firm yes they are and they think you are a tit
35:43balding how the did you get an obe it's a cbe actually but greg once again this mascot is
35:49designed to get people talking about breast screening claire i can't have a mega boob in
35:55the studio people are perverts they won't be able to stop themselves hey dirty boy see do you have
36:00any better ideas well well considering that you don't have anything else at all could i please
36:08have my my tit and my vulva fine you are a twat balding is mean i know i was just thinking greg
36:21considering the situation what about my challenge will it be humiliating for you oh yeah okay fine
36:29get on with it it's building's problem yes
36:41you can see the rest of their story next week from 7 30 on channel 4 and alex horn is going to give us
36:46a hint as to what his challenge might be after the break uh we also want your votes for this year's
36:50hands awards message us on whatsapp or instagram the hashtag is show of hands we'll see you in a little
36:55bit
37:10welcome back to last leg we're joined by amy gledhill and guz khan now before the break we showed you
37:15some footage of greg davies and alex horn trying to come up with some ideas for the stand up to
37:19cancer campaign all week alex horn is going to be releasing teasers for what his on-air challenge
37:24will be here's the first one that he made just for us hello everyone hello adam hello alex hi josh
37:34normally i set the challenges tasks even but now it's my turn on thursday night at 10 pm channel 4 11th of
37:41december i am going to do a task it will not be easy it will be hard but i'm ready i'm little alex
37:49horn
37:53i have no idea what that means no idea what that means she's in on thursday night to find out what
37:58his challenge is going to be uh let's do a bit of entertainment news now megan markle has released
38:03a christmas special of her netflix show here is a riveting scene of her carefully explaining what
38:07an advent calendar is as if she's just discovered them for the first time i love the idea of an advent
38:14calendar so i wanted to do it for my own kids you could get small ones that just have a small chocolate
38:19each day you can get them pre-made and all it's really about is having a surprise and delight every
38:24single day for 24 days until you get to christmas but they're not supposed to be big things they're
38:29supposed to be small gestures carols and bells incredible smell i'm writing i love you because
38:36you are so kind i love you because you're so brave yeah there's another note that says stay away from
38:43uncle andrew how is she too edgy for the royal family
38:58well how are the royal family going what are they thinking i mean hanging out with a pedophile is
39:04one thing but wrapping cinnamon sticks in a bow is just too damn disrupting
39:10i was wondering why prince harry's just done you know colbert in america he's been doing late night
39:14tv shows yeah and i was like why is he doing that and now i've seen that it's to get out of the house
39:19and he's a bit like if if i was a kid and i got like a note in my advent calendar that says i love
39:26you without a chocolate yeah i would think they don't love me yeah yeah you can't write your kind
39:32to tell you he's not kind the person who didn't give me a chocolate wouldn't you run out of things
39:36to say as well like after a while you'd just be like happy wednesday
39:40i'm a big fan of both of them i won't hear a word again i genuinely love harry and megan do you they
39:49left the shit fight that is the royal family and we think they're the weirdos no no we think they're
39:55all weird both sides it's possible for both of them to be wankers
40:01oh look at britain look at britain and that is how revolution begins
40:12all right it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest amy and guz have to work out
40:16why they're in the news this week can we have the mystery guest please
40:22mysterious guest
40:31okay this is lauren and joe but why were they in the news this week can we have the dramatic
40:38lighting change please so lauren surprised joe by walking down the aisle dressed as a t-rex
40:47lauren surprised joe by jumping out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack or lauren surprised
40:53mourners by turning up at a funeral dressed as a deceased joe's gran
41:01what are you what are your initial thoughts wow i don't think it could be the heart attack because
41:06you look so good and healthy right now
41:09don't give her a clue joe
41:13well it's definitely not that one it's not that one it's not that one
41:16also if he'd had a heart attack i wouldn't have shouted at him like that
41:21thank goodness so t-rex down the aisle or dressing as his dead gran at the funeral
41:28we might as well just ask him did she dress as your dead gran
41:32okay i'll tell you what we'll reveal the mystery guests after the break okay no more questions to
41:38them alex will end the show by singing with his new band unique limb situation
41:42don't go away don't miss that we'll see you in a little bit
42:02welcome back to last leg we're joined by amy glenhill and guz khan now before the break we
42:05challenged our guests to work out how this person's wife was connected to the news can we have the options again please
42:12yes did she walk down the aisle dressed as a t-rex on her wedding day did she jump out of his birthday
42:20cake giving him a heart attack or did she come to his grand funeral dressed as his gran what do you
42:27think i defer to the intelligent and legendary one here in this combination okay you coward yes
42:34amy t-rex t-rex t-rex down the aisle well mystery guest is going to reveal the answer
42:40by dressing in the appropriate way come on out
42:53down the aisle dressed as a t-rex why i thought it'd be funny
43:11uh and what were you thinking when when when she was honestly i had no idea um but when there was like
43:17a delay it was actually her inflating the suit behind the door so i just stood at the end for
43:22quite some time so were you standing there wondering where she is and you could just hear
43:26yes and did you dress like that for your whole wedding day no no it was just for the aisle oh yeah it'd be
43:33mental otherwise yeah um okay if you were in a band you i mean you might have just joined unique limb
43:44situation would you thank lauren and joe oh where are they staying they're staying stay for the
43:50audience uh josh has been standing up for the last seven days what have you got well i've got a clip
43:58that actually is from this week and i i wanted lauren to see this but she might have some explaining to
44:04do yeah uh would you like to see someone getting away with fly tipping by wearing an extravagant outfit
44:11in this unbelievable footage yes please this is really you can see the date this this is what tuesday this week
44:23and they are doing it dressed as a dinosaur
44:28oh lauren explain yourself
44:37no comment was it you no comment thank you very much lauren and joe
44:53all right we asked you to nominate people for this year's hands awards um there have been a whole
44:57bunch of celebrities uh like lindsey burrow uh zach polanski david tennant but people like jill robinson
45:03from the play it forward charity uh brass group who raised 40 000 pounds for charity um jolyon maorm
45:10from the good law project standing up for uh for trans people tamsin said my dad david who works with
45:16bakeries in ukraine one in kiev run by and for people with disabilities uh and someone said the
45:23drunk raccoon that broke into a supermarket drank alcohol and passed out could be any of those tune in
45:28next week um alex is getting ready to end the show with his new band unique limb situation but
45:32before he does would you please thank our guests amy gladhill
45:37and guz khan
45:41and my co-host josh witticam and alex brooker josh and alex will be back next week with comedians john
45:48richardson and matt ford as well as presenter aj adudu but right now after ai identified alex as having a
45:54unique limb situation he's about to show off his newly formed band called unique limb situation
46:01thanks for watching the last league my name's adam hills i'll see you at 7 30 next friday
46:04for stand up to cancer and hopefully later that night for the next leg take it away alex
46:08if you see me walking down the street staring at the sky dragging my fake feet a cap just drove
46:29straight on did not know that's a farm big hands won't make me whole again
46:40looking back on where my foot left i cannot escape but the parking's the best mittens you're the one
46:51you still slip right on big hands won't make me whole again because my limbs are great and i won't change
47:02my mind new hands would be too late because i'm happy to go on with these little buggers there's nothing
47:10wrong big hands won't make me whole again
47:13you still slip right on big hands won't make me whole again
47:39you still slip right on big hands won't make me whole again
47:43you still slip right on big hands won't make me whole again
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