Hazbin Hotel - Season 2 Episode 04
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00:00Charlie, babe, I think you need to drop this.
00:23Drop what?
00:24I'm just trying to clear up the misinformation about the hotel.
00:28There is no point.
00:30Those fuckers work for Vox.
00:32Katie Killjoy is just going to do the same thing the Vs did.
00:35Don't feed into this crap.
00:37Just stay with me today.
00:38And the guests, also the guests.
00:40I know, but I feel like if I explain myself on live television,
00:44then they won't be able to edit it like that video.
00:46You know I did not strike Velvet with an open fist.
00:50I'm aware.
00:51So just keep holding down the floor.
00:53You're doing great, by the way, until Nifty and I get back.
00:56Nifty?
00:57Hi.
00:57Okay, have fun.
00:58Love you, bye.
00:59Bye.
01:17Talk to me.
01:18Take it.
01:18Oh, look who it is, interrupting this riveting conversation I was having with...
01:23Who are you again?
01:25Uh, Angel Dust?
01:26Angel Dust!
01:27I knew that.
01:28You're funny.
01:29What?
01:30You're still here?
01:32Someone has to actually help out around here, Mr. Useless.
01:37What do you actually do here?
01:39I told you, I'm the host of the hotel.
01:41Huh, I thought that was, uh, I thought that was Charlie's girlfriend's job,
01:45because she, my friend, is on it with running this whole hotel thing.
01:51So you're doing a poor job at that.
01:53Oh, and I hear you got your ass kicked and ran away when Charlie needed you most.
01:58That's a sure good thing I showed up.
02:01Am I right?
02:02This guy knows.
02:04What?
02:04You.
02:09Kitty's a coaster.
02:10That's it.
02:11Fuck this.
02:12I quit.
02:13That's it, baby.
02:14Walk away.
02:16Ow!
02:17Oh, you.
02:20You should have moved in sooner.
02:23Coming up on Katie Killjoy tonight,
02:25an exclusive interview with Hell's not-so-favorite nepo-baby,
02:28Charlie Morningstar.
02:30Only on 666 News.
02:32You don't want to miss this.
02:35All right, people.
02:36We're on in five.
02:40All right, Nifty.
02:42We got this right.
02:43I mean, all I got to do is talk from the heart for the people.
02:46Set the record straight.
02:47Real straight.
02:48Explain what really happened.
02:50Real straight.
02:51Right.
02:52You got the cards ready?
02:55Perfect.
02:56Is that the princess?
02:58Didn't learn your lesson yesterday.
03:00What you guys put out yesterday was heavily fucked with.
03:04So I'm here to set the record straight with my own words that you can't fuck with.
03:07Sure, sweetie.
03:09Katie!
03:10You know what, sister.
03:11Oh, right.
03:12It's nice to meet you, Miss Morningstar.
03:15It is Miss, right?
03:16Because we all know queers can't get married.
03:18What?
03:18Well, let's not waste any more time, dear.
03:21Come on.
03:21You still need to get camera ready.
03:23I am camera ready.
03:25Oh, sweetheart.
03:27Yuck.
03:29Wow, that's bright.
03:30Welcome back to me.
03:33I'm here with Charlie Morningstar, homosexual daughter of our big old devil daddy and founder
03:39of the has-been hotel, which is starting to live up to the name, wouldn't you say?
03:43I would.
03:45Ha ha.
03:45Firstly, I'm bi, but thanks, Katie.
03:48You know, the name was kind of a funny story, actually.
03:51Phenomenal.
03:52So tell us, Chazzy.
03:53It's Charlie.
03:54You're here to set the record straight about your hotel, yes?
03:57What exactly is there to tell us?
03:59I'd say we already saw everything in last week's hit docuseries, Haspen Hotel, Behind
04:05Closed Doors.
04:06Available now on Vox Tech Video.
04:08Well, as you know, Vox paid a visit to our hotel recently, yes, and he lied about everything
04:15out there.
04:15Oh, I thought that lied?
04:16I'd say that's a pretty intense accusation, don't you think?
04:20Well, he, uh, misrepresented things, so...
04:23Oh, using fancy words now.
04:26He bent the truth.
04:27I wish he'd bend me.
04:29Right in half.
04:30You know what I'm saying?
04:32Tom Laugh.
04:33Oh, ha ha.
04:34Ha ha ha.
04:36Oh, no.
04:47Knock, knock, Rosie, my dear.
04:50Alistair's here.
04:51Oh, Alistair.
04:52Don't you know it's rude to show up on a lady unannounced?
04:55I have nothing prepared.
04:57Oh, please.
04:58No need to gussy up for little old me now.
05:01I just dropped in to tell you the great news.
05:04Oh, great news.
05:06That's always exciting for me to hear.
05:08By all means.
05:09Tell me.
05:10I'm sure you know all about Charlie's Little Hotel and how I've been helping out.
05:15Of course I do.
05:17Yes, well, I just quit.
05:21You what?
05:23You see, I've been there about a year or so, and after all the pointless singing and crying,
05:28I'm afraid I see no further reason for my presence there.
05:33We really aren't getting any closer to...
05:35Alistair.
05:38Sweetie.
05:39Pumpkin.
05:40I'm afraid that isn't up to you.
05:42Is it?
05:43See, I thought that too.
05:46But I also thought our little deal meant that I was the strongest sinner in all of hell.
05:52Yet here I am with the scars and a busted-up staff that proves otherwise.
05:59Oh, come on now, Alistair.
06:00You really thought being the most powerful sinner, which you are, meant you could take on an archangel?
06:08You're still as cute and stubborn as the day we met.
06:13Don't remind me.
06:15Oh, but I will.
06:17You were a handsome young man, such a charmer, and quite the gentleman, if I recall.
06:24Hustling yourself and dazzling those yuppie producers, overcoming so much to be the star of your own radio show,
06:32the Toast of New Orleans.
06:34But you were a big naughty, weren't you?
06:38Oh.
06:38I'll always be impressed with how prepared you were for all this while still human.
06:50I can't imagine how many rituals it took to get through to the other side, but...
06:55When I heard your voice, I just knew.
06:59I knew you were the one.
07:01Oh, you're pretty amazing.
07:04I call on you voices of the afterlife.
07:11I wish to make a deal with you.
07:17Why have you called me here, human?
07:20To curse?
07:22To give?
07:23To learn?
07:24Allow me to cut to the chase.
07:26I know what awaits a man like me after death, but I do not want to exist in hell, a tortured soul.
07:34I want to secure myself amongst the highest demons.
07:39I want to continue my fun.
07:42Wow.
07:43That's a new one.
07:44I must say, a soul like yours is unlike any I've seen.
07:49I can grant you power.
07:52Power beyond what your mortal mind can imagine.
07:55The most powerful sinner in hell.
07:59But, you must do something for me.
08:04And until you complete this task, your soul will be mine.
08:09It's a deal.
08:10It's pretty funny that the next day, you died in the most hilarious way possible.
08:20Mistaken for a deer and shot while hiding a body.
08:24I mean, just perfect.
08:26So anticlimactic.
08:28Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:30Ha, ha, ha.
08:31Ha, ha, ha.
08:32Hilarious.
08:32Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:34Oh, hilarious.
08:36Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:39Look.
08:40You can toy around with me all you want.
08:43But I've been running all over hell on some fruitless crusade for years, playing nice at a stupid hotel.
08:50Because you promised me power
08:52And now I'm lacking
08:54So you better
08:56Sounds like you really could do
08:58With a little reminder of who you're talking to
09:02An honest woman
09:05Always there to lend an ear
09:08I dealt with you fairly
09:10Impatient, it's true
09:12But remember, my dear
09:15You're in my zoo, don't you forget
09:18You are my pet
09:21I say, when to sit and stay
09:25Roll over or go fetch
09:27Don't you forget
09:28There's no way out
09:31You're retarded till the day you settle your account
09:34I've served you faithfully for an age
09:39Obeyed demands, contained my rage
09:41Went off the air for years on your behalf
09:45I know, and you're so kind
09:47And since you made me disappear
09:49My name inspires much less fear
09:52The least that you can do is fix my staff
09:55In due time
09:57Sing along, dear, you know the words
09:59Don't you forget
10:01I won't forget
10:02You are my pet
10:04Yours since we met
10:06I say, when to sit and stay
10:09Play ball or just play dead
10:12Don't you forget
10:13I'm in your net
10:14Truth can't be found
10:16At least not yet
10:18The foods you make are mine and mine alone
10:21Looks like you'll have to do this on your own
10:27Fine
10:29Oh, calling me her pet
10:33I'm not your pet, you lousy
10:35I'll show her
10:37Oh, she'll see
10:38Think
10:40Think
10:40Come on, Alistair
10:41Come on
10:42There must be a way
10:44Oh, that's clever
10:49I can fix my own problems
10:57So basically what you're trying to tell us
10:59Is that an angel told you
11:01Your silly little snake friend was alive
11:03The same angels that made it their whole thing
11:06For seven years to kill as many of us as possible
11:09And you just expect us to believe all that
11:11Yes
11:12Well, I mean, yes
11:14They don't want to hurt us anymore
11:16Now that their penchus is redeemed
11:17I'm sure they're going to help us
11:20Oh, you're sure?
11:21Are you?
11:21You're so sure
11:22Because I'm sure that Vox reported on how you had no evidence at all
11:26And that you just put your guests in danger for fun
11:31Well, sure
11:32But, see, he made it look that way
11:34If you take something out of context
11:36You can make someone say anything
11:37It feels like he was just waiting for me to say something awful
11:42Like that I think sinners deserve the extermination
11:45Because they're bad people
11:46But I would never actually say that
11:50Oh, look at that
11:52Breaking news
11:53Charlie Morningstar claims that sinners deserve to be exterminated
11:57In shocking new statement
11:59No, no, that is not
12:01Like, what?
12:02Stop, that's not what I said
12:03It's just an example
12:04Not like I meant it, you know
12:05Please stop quoting everything I'm saying
12:07It's dispatching me
12:08What?
12:08Don't compare me to Handler
12:09How are you even typing this fast?
12:11I am so getting that fucking bonus
12:13Now, Charles
12:15Do you have anything else you'd like to clarify
12:18About your Hashbrown Motel?
12:20I, um, uh, yeah
12:22You know
12:23Here, come up here
12:26And tell us all about how amazing the Hasbin Hotel is
12:30Just tell them
12:32Uh, uh, uh
12:35Oh, shit, the camera thing
12:36Uh, oh
12:37Hey, Dipsy, guess what?
12:39That is not a camera
12:41It's a roach
12:42That's a big roach
12:44Yeah, tell the big roach
12:47About how much you like the hotel
12:50Here's an endless stream of passion
12:56Tills and hundreds of bugs
12:57If you love it
12:58Just wait till you smell
12:59Our rocks
13:00Cubs
13:00Be far from kids
13:01And come on damn
13:02But fun
13:02And let me see
13:03Like you can tell
13:04It's a roach
13:05High-postering needles
13:06Left all over the place
13:07And our rats
13:08Don't need to be
13:08Afraid by me
13:09So I gotta take my knife
13:11And dad
13:11I'm holding the face
13:12And now they treat me like
13:13They're queens
13:13Because I'm covered in
13:14Rock boys
13:15I'm holding the face
13:16To the end of the day
13:16And I'm holding the face
13:17To the end of the day
13:18I'm holding the face
13:18I'm holding the face
13:19Just cut your dog
13:20We still think that I've ever seen
13:22That I can't just clean it up
13:24Dipsy, what are you doing?
13:25Help me!
13:26Can you help?
13:27Differently?
13:28Okay!
13:28Hotel is really the best
13:30I do
13:31And the only one
13:32I do
13:33I do
13:34But no
13:34I do
13:35I do
13:36It's a
13:37I do
13:39I
13:40I
13:40I
13:41I
13:42I
13:43I
13:43I
13:44And that's why the hotel is good, right?
13:56Yay!
14:02I know you're watching.
14:05Come on out.
14:06No need to be shy, Vox.
14:09Alistair! For what do I owe the displeasure?
14:15Did I strike a nerve?
14:17Finally ready to plead with me to stop shitting on your precious hotel?
14:22Frankly, I'm bored of hearing your incessant slander.
14:26It's not even clever.
14:28This ends now.
14:31Foxy, you can't get all up in this.
14:33Zip out like that.
14:35I thought you liked it when I...
14:37TMI, Val.
14:38Now, who, we kill it.
14:40And can I film it?
14:41No, no, dear.
14:42I don't think Vox would want the public to see me put him in his place a second time.
14:47Fuck you, wank!
14:50Ah!
15:04What's wrong, old man?
15:05Getting your ass beat by Adam?
15:07Fuck you harder than you thought?
15:09God!
15:18What's the matter, bitch?
15:20Can't get it up?
15:21Daddy's home!
15:27Daddy's home!
15:30Oh, dear.
15:32Does that hurt?
15:33Ha, ha!
15:34Oh, fuck!
15:38Damn.
15:39It's gonna take a lot more to fix that hairdo.
15:42Hey, my little puppets.
15:43I'm putting up a poll.
15:45Vote yes or no if you want me to absolutely obliterate this bond.
15:50Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
16:20You are very homophobic, Miss Killjoy, and I do.
16:23I'm not homophobic.
16:24I just hate gay people.
16:28Alistair's in trouble.
16:36Hey, have you ever heard of a blobfish?
16:38Uh, what?
16:39Check this out.
16:40How cute is that?
16:42Why are you like this?
16:45Look, Angel.
16:47I, oh.
16:48Hey, man.
16:49What the fuck?
16:50Huh?
16:53A lot of weird shit happens here.
16:59Oh, no!
17:06Someone should really put this thing out of its misery.
17:12We're here, Alistair!
17:15What the fuck?
17:17What the fuck is this about, Alistair?
17:20You still fighting these nobodies?
17:22My hair!
17:24I'm gonna kill you!
17:26Look, Daddy, I didn't mean to.
17:28Oh, shit.
17:29I hate that, boy.
17:39You again?
17:42Oh, fuck!
17:44Looks like it's me and you again.
17:46I need to lose!
17:48Not this time!
17:50I need to lose!
17:51I'm gonna kill you!
17:51I need to lose!
17:53I need to lose!
17:53I need to lose!
17:54I need to lose!
17:54I need to lose!
17:55I need to lose!
17:56I need to lose!
17:56Oh, no, man!
17:57This outfit is worth ten of you!
18:00Put a shirt on, you mangy stray!
18:02I have a proposition for you.
18:30Excuse me?
18:31Now or never!
18:34Val, hang on!
18:36We keep going back and forth, and it's growing really tiresome.
18:41Quite boring, actually.
18:43And it's making it harder for me to do what I have to do.
18:46Yeah, of course!
18:47You're trying to talk your way out of this.
18:49Get to the fucking point!
18:51How about we make a little deal?
18:54I'll join your propaganda parade and be your little prisoner.
18:59All I ask for in exchange is two shiny, itty-bitty conditions.
19:06The fuck is he doing?
19:08What conditions?
19:10Let these irrelevant little nobodies run along home.
19:13But more importantly, you're not to lay your hands on Charlie Morningstar.
19:20Wait.
19:21That's it?
19:23That's it?
19:24Pretty enticing, isn't it?
19:27Think of the headlines.
19:29It's a deal!
19:38I fucking did it!
19:42Holy fuck!
19:43Everyone out!
19:43Look who I have!
19:45Velvet cameras!
19:46Oh, monster!
19:48All right, you heard it, people.
19:50Everyone out!
19:51Give us your ass!
19:52Come on!
19:52Allison!
19:53What happened?
19:54What happened?
19:54Wait!
19:55Wait!
19:55Allison!
19:56Stop pushing me!
19:59Allison!
20:00Let me back in!
20:02I am the princess of hell!
20:04What the actual fuck is happening?
20:07I am the princess of hell!
20:37Today was perfect!
20:52Right, Val?
20:53Uh-huh.
20:54Sure, babe.
20:55And what do you think, Allison?
20:58No.
20:59Why the long face?
21:00Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
21:02Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
21:07Isn't this nice?
21:17Look at all this.
21:19I know you feel it, too.
21:21And to think you could have had this all.
21:23And without the public humiliation.
21:25Ha-ha!
21:26It's called for a celebration!
21:28Hmm, yeah.
21:29It's not like you haven't been doing that all day.
21:32Whiskey, gin, I could call up and get you a Zazerac.
21:41You know, I've waited for this moment for almost 70 years.
21:44I'm curious.
21:45What makes the princess and her crappy little hotel so great that the radio demon gives up what little dignity he had left to help out with it?
21:55Or how a guy from the 30s landed in hell and somehow became one of the most powerful overlords?
22:03Tell me how.
22:05Hmm, no.
22:06Our deal is for me to be your captive.
22:08I don't have to tell you anything.
22:10Seriously?
22:11You usually love to run your mouth.
22:13But I guess being a brat is kind of your thing, isn't it?
22:17Hmm, hmm, hmm.
22:19You'd be nothing without those two.
22:21Excuse me?
22:22You really haven't changed, have you?
22:24Still so reliant on all those around you.
22:26Always seeking someone to put up with your incessant.
22:31You know, I think I prefer the silence.
22:34What?
22:36Don't want to be reminded of how desperate you were for attention?
22:40Back then, you and I were as close to equals as I'd imagined down here.
22:45You had your decent ideas.
22:47You were growing your power.
22:48And it was almost impressive.
22:51And I respected you.
22:52And then you went and ruined it.
22:56I thought you found me, what was it, inspiring.
23:03You're inspiring, really?
23:05And when you think about it, modern entertainment actually started with radio.
23:10Aww.
23:11Am I boring you with my compliments?
23:13Perhaps.
23:15Well, look, I'll just get to the point.
23:17We've been close for a few years now, right?
23:19I mean, people know us.
23:20They love us.
23:22And with new overlords popping up every day.
23:25And before you hit me with it.
23:26Well, you offered me to yourself.
23:27I know, okay?
23:28But I'm much more forward thinking.
23:30So, it's in your best interest to hear me out.
23:33I'm listening, pal.
23:34I'll keep another whiskey.
23:39So, I've been thinking, Alistair.
23:42With your incredible power and my massive influence.
23:47We would be unstoppable.
23:49Radio and video.
23:51Me and you.
23:52We could rule hell.
23:54Together.
23:55As partners.
23:56Oh, that's...
24:04Oh, you're serious.
24:06Oh, come now, Vox.
24:11I knew you could be pathetic at times, but I didn't realize you were so weak.
24:17What?
24:18Oh, fuck.
24:21You need me to join your team.
24:25And here I thought you might actually be approaching my level.
24:28But asking for assistance?
24:31A partnership?
24:32I am quite disappointed in you.
24:35Oh, I just thought, you know, since we're friends.
24:38Friends?
24:39There are no friends in hell, Vincent.
24:41I thought that was something you understood.
24:44How embarrassing.
24:47Oh, the tantrum you threw after.
24:50Now that was entertainment.
24:52Ha ha ha ha ha.
24:54I did really have to put you in your place, didn't I?
24:58Oh.
24:59And now you finally have me.
25:01But you still rely on others for your power.
25:04Like always.
25:08You think your little mockery is going to make me cry?
25:12That I'm calling about the past that could have been.
25:16Look around you, Al.
25:18I've been scheming this whole time.
25:20I got a team.
25:21I got a dream.
25:23And all I'm gonna do is win.
25:28Ha ha ha ha.
25:30You're in my house with my rules.
25:32In my room with my rules.
25:35And worse, you're at my mercy.
25:36Curse to wash me.
25:37Dang it all.
25:38You've got ass up.
25:40You're deep crying.
25:41Your last laugh has run dry.
25:43At last, your check is passed.
25:45I'd laugh at how you look so small.
25:47Don't you forget.
25:49You're on my string.
25:51You can try to squirm and struggle and it wouldn't do a thing.
25:55Don't you forget.
25:57You're so obsessed with me.
25:58I knew you'd need me here to be.
26:01You're a willing audience when you lose your marbles in Act 3.
26:05You're huffing glue if you think I won't end this tale a ruler.
26:10I'm just like you except I'm smarter, sharper, brighter, doers.
26:14So I'll keep your smug ass alive.
26:16Show me you're not a loser.
26:17Do you ever shut up?
26:18Don't you forget.
26:19Don't you forget.
26:20You ain't won, yeah.
26:22You still need me like you did before.
26:25So cute.
26:25You think I care.
26:28Now I'm the master.
26:31And you're my bottomless bitch.
26:33No more Al the high and mighty now that I've flipped the switch.
26:37Though the radio's gone big, you know the show must go on.
26:41By the time I've had my son, you'll wish that you would stay in charge.
26:50Boy, you two should just fuck already.
26:56What?
26:56Am I wrong?
26:58And can I film it?
26:59Am I wrong?
27:13Am I wrong?
27:13We'll see you next time.
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