00:00Seriously, this part of the speech was so scary, he should have just been doing it
00:03with a flashlight under his chin.
00:04They're coming, MS-13!
00:08President Donald Trump took on his second State of the Union address on Tuesday,
00:12and according to The Daily Show's Trevor Noah, who broadcasts live during the event,
00:16the main theme of the speech was that we're all going to die.
00:19How, you might ask?
00:20Mexican style.
00:22As we speak, large, organized caravans are on the march to the United States.
00:29Ooh, scary! But he wasn't finished.
00:32Ruthless coyotes, cartels, drug dealers, human traffickers and sex traffickers,
00:40criminal, illegal, aliens, child smuggling.
00:44Oh, no, no, no! Don't get back to me, Ed. He's still going. You've got some time.
00:51Savage gang, MS-13.
00:54Four thousand killings or murders.
00:58Sadistic traffickers. Very dangerous border.
01:02Okay, that's enough out of him.
01:04Noah made fun of the way Trump begins every sentence with how great America has become
01:08and how hot the economy is, and then came to the conclusion that, all in all,
01:12it was one of Trump's tamer speeches, and suggested that there was one thing we could all agree on,
01:17and that was that the commander-in-chief had read really well.
01:20He's really improved. Like, I don't know if he's ready for a second term,
01:23but he's definitely ready for the second grade.
01:26Noah was originally scheduled to air a live response to Trump's address on January 29th,
01:30the day that the State of the Union was originally slated for.
01:33The special was rescheduled following the government shutdown that postponed the speech,
01:37which prompted Noah to change the name of his show to State of the Union 2019, uncancelled.
01:43And Noah wasn't the only late-night host to address the address.
01:47Over on CBS, Late Show host Stephen Colbert, who also ran a live broadcast,
01:51poked fun at POTUS with the help of some of his buddies from the network.
01:54Joined by CBS This Morning host Nora O'Donnell, John Dickerson, Gayle King and
01:59Bianna Golodryga, as well as Black Klansman director and Trump critic Spike Lee,
02:03Colbert and his guests debated whether Trump had offered an olive branch to Republicans
02:08and fact-checked some of the claims in the speech. But of course, the comedically genius
02:12Colbert had to get in some digs too, and did so in the form of mocking the lengthiness of the speech,
02:17saying it had been like watching paint lie. See what he did there?
02:21Mostly though, Colbert saved his sarcasm for the president himself. When Trump insisted that
02:26we must choose between greatness or gridlock, results or resistance, vision or vengeance,
02:31incredible progress or pointless destruction, Colbert decided to finish his sentence for him.
02:36Soup or salad? Paper or plastic? Ross and Rachel?
02:43And in response to Trump's declaration that our economy is apparently considered
02:46the hottest in the world, Colbert joked,
02:49It is so hot, if it wasn't my economy, perhaps I'd be dating it.
02:54And, yes, I'm saying Jen.
02:59And we all know what that was in reference to.
03:02Colbert also noted that when Trump repeatedly said,
03:05if there is to be peace and legislation, there cannot be war and investigation,
03:09he was clearly looking for a standing ovation, which would fit in nicely with the run.
03:13It just doesn't work that way.
03:22Over on NBC, Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon also had some wisecracks for the president,
03:26even going so far as to don a wig to impersonate him in a cold open sketch.
03:31You all just witnessed the Super Bowl of State of the Union speeches.
03:34It had action, it had excitement, it had drama. The only thing that was missing was Adam Levine's nipples.
03:40The entire sketch took place in a locker room as a throwback to the time Trump engaged in a little
03:46harmless locker room talk, with Fallon explaining what the president's priorities are.
03:50Over the next year, my number one priority as president will be to build bridges
03:54and then turn them sideways and make them into walls.
03:57And the locker room wasn't the only throwback. Anyone remember this?
04:01You're going to make a gif out of me and say I hold things weird.
04:04This is a locker room. Give me a squirt bottle, please. Thank you.
04:12Still on NBC, late night host Seth Meyers also ran a live show and used his
04:16Closer Look segment to tackle the night's events.
04:18Myers noted that in the days leading up to the speech, Trump kept repeating that the wall he wants
04:23between the U.S. and Mexico should have been built earlier than his presidency.
04:27Myers suggested that if anyone should be happy that no one built a wall, it should be Trump.
04:32If there was already a wall, what would people have chanted at your rallies?
04:36Maintain the previously erected wall?
04:39Myers also broached the subject of Trump's crooked tie, a topic of much mockery on social media
04:44as Trump took the stage Tuesday night.
04:46Trump is so unpopular even his tie has moved to the left.
04:56And finally on ABC, Jimmy Kimmel also weighed in on what Trump had to say and, like Colbert,
05:01noted that the speech, which he called his second and last State of the Union, was a long one.
05:06His speech was longer than his tie. He spoke for so long, Robert Mueller handed down another five indictments.
05:12Capitalizing on Trump's continued remarks about the dangers of illegal aliens, Kimmel quipped…
05:17Trump talked more about fighting aliens tonight than Sigourney Weaver.
05:21And referencing the fact that the theme of the speech was choosing greatness, Kimmel offered an alternative theory as to what the original theme may have been.
05:28He originally was planning to go with Nancy and Chuck, I think you suck, but Melania said maybe that's not a great way to go.
05:35To watch full clips of late night hosts reacting to Trump's second State of the Union address, head to THR.com.
05:40For The Hollywood Reporter News, I'm Lyndsey Roderagian.
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