00:00The End
00:30THE END
01:00Now, aren't you ashamed of yourself?
01:07A man with your supposed intelligence acting like an empty-headed idiot.
01:14What did you do?
01:16I'll tell you what you did.
01:18You took advantage of your wife's absence and pulled a wild party.
01:23And that's not all.
01:25You lost all of your ready money in a poker game.
01:30Could anything be more crass?
01:35More disgusting?
01:39There are times when I had high hopes for you.
01:42But that time is past.
01:46I'll tell you what's wrong with you in two words.
01:51Impossible.
01:52I'll tell you what you made.
01:55I'll tell you what you've got.
01:56I'll tell you what you've got.
01:58The Two-Man Homecoming.
02:14Mr. Hardy?
02:15Yes.
02:16Here's a telegram for you.
02:25I wonder what this can be.
02:28Oh, it's a telegram from your wife.
02:30She says she'll be home at noon today.
02:35Oh, the house.
02:38Oh, oh, oh.
02:45Aptos, 8-0, 8-0, please.
03:15Oh, oh, oh, oh.
03:45Oh, oh, oh, oh.
04:15Hello?
04:16Where have you been?
04:18I was here with me.
04:21Why weren't you over to the party last night?
04:23I couldn't make it.
04:25I was bitten by a dog.
04:27You were what?
04:28A dog bit me.
04:30I can't understand you.
04:32Spell it.
04:33A dog bit me.
04:35B-I-I-T-M-E bit me.
04:37Where?
04:41There.
04:45And they took me to the hospital.
04:50Get closer to the phone.
04:51I can't understand you.
04:52I said that...
04:54I said that...
04:54I said that...
05:02They took me to the hospital.
05:06Was it serious?
05:08Yeah.
05:08The doctor said I might get hydrophosphates.
05:14Hydrophosphates.
05:15You mean hydrophobia.
05:19Say, what are you doing?
05:21Huh?
05:21What are you doing?
05:24I'm talking to you.
05:25What do you think I'm doing?
05:27I know you're talking to me.
05:30Say, come on over.
05:31I want to see you.
05:32And make it snappy.
05:34Q-T.
05:37Hydrophosphates.
05:37What do you want?
06:00Listen, I'm in a slight predicament.
06:01My wife's coming home today at noon, unexpectedly.
06:04And look at this house.
06:07What's the matter with it?
06:14What's the matter with it?
06:16You never met my wife, did you?
06:19Yes, I never did.
06:20What do you mean, yes, I never did?
06:25That's my wife.
06:30Isn't she sweet?
06:32Charming.
06:34Where is your wife?
06:35She's in Chicago with her mother.
06:36Is she having a nice time?
06:38Sure she's having a nice time.
06:40She's been gone for more than a week.
06:41I don't care whether she's having a nice time or not.
06:44What I mean is, if she comes home and sees this house like this,
06:47she'll know that I've been having a wild party.
06:51I've never known it to fail.
06:53What?
06:54When the mice are away, when the mice are away, the cats are always playing around with the things and doing something.
07:05If the mice were...
07:06I want you to help me clean this house, I'd do the same for you.
07:11No, you wouldn't.
07:13Yes, I would.
07:14Oh, no, you wouldn't.
07:15How do you know I wouldn't?
07:17Because I'm not going to get married.
07:19Will you help me or will you not?
07:27Sure, I'll help you.
07:28What do you want me to do first?
07:30Now, that's the spirit.
07:33Now, you wash the dirty dishes while I go in and get dressed.
07:36Then after that, we'll have a nice breakfast, put everything in order so that the wife will suspect nothing.
07:43Will we have marmalade for breakfast?
07:44Yes, we'll have marmalade for breakfast.
07:47Then we'll put our shoulder to the wheels, grab the bull by the horns, and put our best foot forward.
07:54No!
08:14All day, work!
08:26All day, work!
08:28Oh-o-o-o!
08:44Clean that mess up while I get something to put it in.
09:02Look out!
09:14Let's go!
09:18Let's go!
09:22Let's go!
09:28Let's go!
09:34Get me a towel.
09:58Where do you keep them?
09:59I don't know.
10:00Look in the cupboard.
10:04Wait, I'll get it.
10:11Oh, oh.
10:12Oh!
10:13Oh!
10:17Oh!
10:18Oh!
10:23Oh!
10:25Oh!
10:26Oh!
10:27Oh!
10:28Oh!
10:29Oh!
10:30Oh!
10:31Oh!
10:32Oh!
10:33Oh!
10:34All right, what do you keep your handkerchiefs in the top floor
11:04What do you keep your handkerchiefs in the top floor?
11:34What are you trying to do?
11:52I'm trying to get rid of this water.
11:54What will I do with it?
11:56Use your own judgment.
11:58Are you trying to ruin the only suit I've got left?
12:16Shut up.
12:19Shut up.
12:34That's the way to do it.
12:39Oh!
13:00How about some breakfast?
13:04Breakfast work!
13:07See what you did?
13:19You can't blame me for that.
13:28Do you realize that this is the only suit that I've got left?
13:33It's enough to make a man burst out crying.
13:36Well, I couldn't help myself.
13:38I couldn't help myself.
13:39Shut up and get this mess cleaned up.
13:41Do you know that my wife will be home at noon?
13:44Say, what do you think I am, Cinderella?
13:46If I had any sense, I'd walk out on you.
13:49Well, it's a good thing you haven't any sense.
13:51It certainly is!
13:52It certainly is!
13:53I had no sense I've walked out on you.
13:58I had no sense I've walked out on you.
14:13If I hadn't any sense, I'd walk out of you.
14:17Good thing he happened to me. I...
14:20Certainly...
14:34If I hadn't any sense...
14:37Take these pants and wring them out while I dry the coat.
15:07I'm going to dry the coat.
15:14I will dry the coat.
15:19I'll dry the coat.
15:22I'll dry the coat.
15:26I'll dry the coat with the water.
15:31I'll dry it with the water.
15:34I'll dry them myself.
16:04Ah!
16:05Ah!
16:06Ah!
16:10Hmm.
16:34Hello!
16:48Don't you yell at me!
16:51I'm not deaf!
16:53Oh, hello honey, baby.
16:55Where are you?
16:57Where am I?
16:58Well, I'm down here at the rail load station.
17:00And if I stay here much longer, they put me in the roundhouse.
17:03She'll be in the roundhouse.
17:07What's the matter?
17:08Oh, get my suit quick. It's the wife. She's waiting at the depot.
17:11Oh! Oh!
17:22Oh! That's all I've got! The only suit I've got!
17:26What do they do now?
17:28I have it.
17:30Get this place cleaned up and don't ask questions.
17:33Hurry as quick as you can!
17:53What's the matter?
17:55You're not going like that, are you?
17:57Certainly. Why?
17:59Well, you haven't got a horse.
18:01I don't need a horse. I've been out there.
18:04Oh, don't answer it. It's the wife.
18:06Get yourself cleaned up and get out of here quick.
18:08I'll see you tonight.
18:09Well...
18:29What's the matter?
18:30You're right.
18:31I...
18:32I'm sure you want to do this.
18:34It's entirely cute.
18:35You're not even a horse.
18:37I'm kind of like, oh...
18:38I'm not even a horse.
18:39I have no horse.
18:40You're just a horse!
18:41You're not only a horse.
18:42You're not
18:51I don't think this is how long this is.
18:52Thank you very much.
19:52What happened?
20:02Well, I was all ready to leave, and I thought I'd build a nice fire to make it comfortable for you.
20:08The house burned down, and I couldn't help it.
20:11I did all I could about this.
20:14I did all the best I could.
20:19Well, I guess there's nothing else I can do.
20:23No, I guess not.
20:25Well, I'll be seeing you.
20:27Goodbye.
20:32Hey!
20:36Would you mind closing the door?
20:39I'd like to be alone.
20:40Come on.
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