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00:01Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
00:03Srimis, Chewers, far Victorian
00:04Wokeful Wars, ferocious fights
00:05Stingy castles, daring knights
00:07Horrors that did by description
00:08Cutthroat Council, full egyptian
00:10Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
00:11Partners have from ancient times
00:12Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless
00:14Cavemen, savage, fierce and tubeless
00:15Groovy Greeks, rainy sages
00:16Need a miss in Middle Ages
00:18Gory stories, we do that
00:20And your host are Talking Rats
00:23The past is no longer a mystery
00:26Welcome to...
00:27Horrible Histories
00:31Horrible Histories presents...
00:34Barbie Battles Special
00:36Is the coast clear?
00:40Oh, that looked nasty
00:44My brothers and sisters and I
00:45Are in the middle of an epic battle
00:47One of our classic ratty pillow fights
00:50Incoming!
00:52It all started when my sisters
00:55Invaded my brother's bedroom
00:57That's how real wars sometimes start too
00:59One nation invades another country
01:01And tries to take it over
01:03Of course, some of history's invasions
01:05Went better than others
01:07Chuck!
01:09It started with the Spanish Armada
01:13That huge amount of ships that we sent against the English
01:16I think we made them mad
01:18It did!
01:19It made them so mad
01:21It led to...
01:22The lesser known Armada
01:24Try and invade us, will you Spain?
01:26Right now?
01:27It's big time!
01:28It's big time!
01:30It's our Francis Drake
01:32Your match
01:34Unleash
01:35The English Armada
01:37You had me unleash the aim
01:41The English Armada
01:45Led by Francis Drake
01:47Aboard his ship, Revenge
01:49180 ships
01:51Tens of thousands of soldiers
01:53We shall destroy the Spanish fleet
01:55Attack!
01:57No fleet could match them
01:59Wait!
02:01Instead of their fleet of ships
02:03Let's attack the Spanish city of Coruña
02:07But attacking a well-defended city
02:09Instead of a fleet
02:10Might not go as well
02:12I wonder if they conquered Spain yet?
02:14Hmm
02:16Okay
02:17Might take a bit longer than I thought
02:19Longer?
02:20The winds are blowing in the wrong direction
02:22The men are dying of salvation and sickness!
02:24What are you complaining about?
02:25We've still got 5,000 men
02:27Yes, but we started out with tens of thousands of men
02:30That's not ideal
02:32The English Armada
02:34The one you've maybe not heard of
02:37And coming soon
02:39You know, the English Armada
02:40We sent against the Spanish
02:41Because of the Spanish Armada
02:42They sent against us
02:43Well, I think they may be planning revenge
02:46Not?
02:47Yes
02:48Another Spanish Armada
02:51The Spanish Armada 2
02:53Armada Harder
02:56I'm beginning to think Armadas might be overrated
02:59Yeah
03:00Me and my brothers are losing the battle
03:02So we've turned our bedrooms into a fort
03:05We've built barriers at every entrance
03:07So our sisters can't attack us
03:09We are totally safe
03:13Battles are hard
03:15And it's not just the landscapes that are a problem
03:17Take it down, you lot
03:19Sorry, Mum
03:20Sometimes the people are the problem
03:23William the Conqueror found that out
03:25After he killed King Harold at the Battle of Hastings
03:27He came up against a particularly tricky opponent
03:31Harold's Mum
03:33Hello
03:39I am King William of England
03:43I know you're in there
03:45We're not scared of you, William
03:48Guys, seriously
03:49I am not okay about this rebellion
03:52I just conquered you
03:54I'm so peeved
03:55I literally just poked this guy's eyes out
03:57There was a whole battle near Hastings, remember?
04:01My rival King Harold and all his brothers were killed or captured
04:06I mean
04:07There is literally no one else from the royal family left to lead you
04:13Move it, sunshine
04:19Cooey
04:21Oh, for crying out loud
04:23Look who it is
04:24Yeah, what if you hadn't poked my eyes out?
04:26Oh, sorry
04:27It's the old King Harold's mum, Geetha
04:29Oh?
04:30Yeah!
04:31You forgot about mummy, didn't you?
04:36Look, it would be better for everybody
04:38If we ended all this rivalry and you just surrendered
04:43So, what do you say?
04:46Why's it all gone quiet?
04:48Hang on, something's happening?
04:50Oh, I think he's getting his bum out
04:52Oh, yeah
04:53But why?
04:55Don't worry about it, Your Majesty
04:57Everyone does it when they get nervous
04:58That wasn't me, it was them
05:00Oh, sure it was
05:01That's our answer
05:05The sound of a mover's rage
05:12And by the smell of it
05:17Cabbage
05:19Oh, course, that is strong
05:22Maybe you should go and change your chainmail
05:24It wasn't me, do you want me to poke something else out?
05:27Yeah, can you start with my nose?
05:29Hit him again
05:31I know you have them surrounded
05:34But maybe it's time we were treated
05:36Yeah, it stinks
05:38That's right
05:39Fear our power
05:43And smell it too
05:46Oh, I could smell that one from France
05:49We'll be back
05:50Right, that's enough
05:52Oh
05:54Oh
05:56It's been 90 years since Caesar failed to conquer Britain
06:00Roma, as a new emperor
06:02Determined to finish the job
06:03It's gonna take one tough toga wearer
06:06To risk everything in this hellhole
06:09I'm Emperor Claudius
06:10And this
06:11Is extreme survival
06:13Step one
06:14Defense
06:16You're on an island filled
06:18With bloodthirsty warriors
06:19And druids
06:21Staying alive through the night
06:22Is going to be a challenge
06:23You're going to need protection
06:24And you're going to need it fast
06:27Look around you
06:28What do you see?
06:29Nothing but trees and dirt
06:31But trees and dirt
06:32With training and basic tools
06:34Can become a fortress
06:36A fortress
06:37Can keep you alive
06:38When everybody around you
06:39Wants you dead
06:41But what I like to do is
06:42Stay 900 miles away in a row
06:45And let my general Paulinus
06:46And the army
06:47Do the hard work
06:50When you're faced with that
06:52Being somewhere completely different
06:53Is a very effective way of staying alive
06:57Step two
06:58Stop rebellions
06:59You've finally arrived in Great Britain
07:01Because the war has already been won
07:02But now you have to win at a peace
07:04And these locals will rebel
07:05At the drop of a helmet
07:07You need to be prepared
07:08And that means using what's around you
07:09Look around you
07:10What do you see?
07:13A stone can be used as a missile
07:16And wood is good for keeping the fire going at night
07:19Staying well lit and armed
07:20Is vitally important in a hostile situation
07:23But what I like to do is
07:25Bring an elephant
07:28It's unlikely the locals will have seen an elephant
07:31What's on earth they'll say?
07:32And I'll say
07:33That's an elephant
07:34And they'll say
07:35Cool, I've never seen one of those
07:36Let's not rebel
07:37Probably
07:38Who cares?
07:39I've got an elephant
07:40I love it when they do that
07:42Extreme Elephant
07:43I love it when they do that
07:44Extreme Elephant
07:45Step three
07:46Conquer more of the island
07:47So you're safer from attack
07:48You've secured the south east
07:50But it's gonna take years
07:52To spread your rule across this new and dangerous island
07:55You've got decades of hard work and danger ahead of you
07:58But what I like to do is
08:00Go home
08:01After sixteen days
08:02Let the army do the rest
08:04Going home to Rome
08:05Seriously reduces your chances of being killed abroad
08:08And that's
08:09Extreme survival
08:11Let's bounce
08:13I forgot my elephant
08:18Now, Jet
08:19In precisely one minute's time
08:21We're going to march
08:22As British soldiers fighting for the East India Company
08:25Into battle at Syringapatta
08:26How do you like that?
08:27Are you sure we can do it tomorrow, Colonel?
08:28Of course
08:29No, we cannot do it tomorrow
08:30We're doing it today
08:31Can we have this conversation in the shade, sir?
08:32I think my hat has caught my head
08:33No, we cannot talk in the shade
08:34A British soldier stands where he must
08:35Be that under fire
08:36In the ice
08:37Or in the sun
08:38Is that understood?
08:39He must be very strong
08:40I think their leader just killed a man with his finger
08:41I think their leader just killed a man with his finger
08:43The British soldier stands where he must
08:45Be that under fire
08:46In the ice
08:47Or in the sun
08:48Is that understood?
08:49He must be very strong
08:50I think their leader just killed a man with his finger
08:52Why are the British wearing such ridiculously hot and thick uniforms?
08:53You're going to march into someone else's country killing anyone who resists
08:54The least you can do is dress appropriately
08:55We're struggling with the sun, sir
08:56I mean, we all are
08:57We're not used to it
08:58All the fevers
08:59All the water
09:00All the food
09:01All the food
09:02All the food
09:03All the food
09:04All the food
09:05All the food
09:06All the food
09:07All the food
09:08All the food
09:09All the food
09:10All the food
09:11All the food
09:12All the food
09:13All the food
09:14All the food
09:15All the food
09:16Sorry, I've got a discercer
09:17All right, hey
09:18Oh, oh, oh
09:19That was a close one
09:20I don't care
09:21If it's a bit hot
09:23I don't care
09:24If you've got a runny bottom
09:26I don't care
09:27If anyone's got a little bit of fever
09:31Lemons
09:32Bouchers
09:33Soup fairies
09:34That's just fever
09:35It's seeing things
09:36Hah, ha, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah
09:37Wow
09:38I promise I'm trying to keep them in
09:39Can you hear gunfire?
09:41I think some of them soldiers are trying to get a bit
09:42I think some of them soldiers are dropping bottom bombs.
09:45They can't handle food with flavour. It goes straight through them.
09:47It is a mystery why they keep stealing food from us.
09:51When they finally leave, it is going to take an age to clean up after them.
09:54And to rebuild all the cities they burned.
09:56You lot are a disgrace. Now, you need to be ready to march.
10:00March! I am standing dead still and facing my bum.
10:04But if I march, it's going to be carnage.
10:07Perhaps you'd like to be excused from battle today.
10:10Thank you, thank you.
10:12You shower of toilets!
10:14The British Empire covers one-sixth of the world's land.
10:18The British soldiers are feared around the globe.
10:20Do you really think a bit of heat gut churning is going to stop us?
10:26That might slow us down, Ashley.
10:30Get any new uniform?
10:33I just can't believe we're losing this war to these guys.
10:36They'll go eventually. They'll have to.
10:38They'll run out of underwear.
10:42We all know the first rule of pillow fights.
10:45Pillows only.
10:46But if we're going to defeat my sisters,
10:48I'm going to have to get a bit more creative.
10:50So, I've emptied the feathers out of this one
10:53and put my mate, Freddy the Frog, inside.
10:56Ratilda's scared of frogs.
11:01Unfortunately, Freddy's scared of Ratilda, too.
11:03Come on, she's not that scary.
11:05I guess new weapons for battle are bound to have teething problems.
11:09Just ask this lot.
11:14Sire, I think you'll be impressed.
11:16I've invented a new weapon that will revolutionize hunting.
11:19Oh, exciting.
11:20I started with a small, sharpened piece of bone.
11:23But that is tiny.
11:24You'll never catch a line with this.
11:26Look.
11:28Did that hurt?
11:29Well, a little bit.
11:30No, it didn't.
11:31Okay, but I hadn't finished.
11:32You see, next, I glued it to the end of a piece of wood.
11:35Ah, you're wasting your time.
11:37Look, this is the smallest spear I've ever seen.
11:39You'll never catch a vicious piece with this child's toy.
11:42Look.
11:43Did that hurt?
11:44It hurt quite a lot, actually.
11:45What if I said I could hurl this tiny spear a vast distance
11:50and hit a target using this?
11:52Interesting.
11:54Let me have a go.
11:59Ah, useless.
12:00This will never catch a leopard.
12:02I wouldn't be so sure.
12:03Watch me, sire.
12:07Ooh, impressive.
12:11So hold it like this.
12:13Right.
12:13I would have hit the target if he didn't get in the way.
12:19Let me have another go.
12:20I think I'll stand over here.
12:23Okay, this is the one.
12:25Fire.
12:29It's broken.
12:31Try again, but round the other way.
12:33The other way.
12:34Oh, yes.
12:35Run away, run away.
12:36This way.
12:37All right.
12:41Where is it?
12:42Ah, it's here.
12:43I mean the ball round the other way.
12:46Yes.
12:46Oh, oh.
12:47No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
12:48I'm getting out of here.
12:50Ah!
12:52What?
12:53What?
12:54Look, it's bound to take a bit of getting used to it.
12:56A bit.
12:57I'm pretty sure I'm getting the hang of this now.
13:00Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
13:02You did it!
13:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
13:05Ha, ha, ha, ha!
13:07Amazing.
13:08You have invented a tool that can fire small spears.
13:11I call it a bowl and arrow.
13:14The bowl and arrow.
13:17Actually, the other way, but it doesn't matter.
13:22Blue man, blue man, a living toilet who ran from the Middle Ages
13:26with a bucket so that you can have a poop in a private place
13:30sitting on my bucket with a cape to hide your face.
13:34A bum, a manual dog, I will charge for pending if you did a two or one.
13:39Blue man!
13:44Nein, nein, nein!
13:46Good.
13:47Greetings, friend.
13:49Who are you and what are you doing on my U-boat?
13:51I am Blue Man, the living lavatory,
13:54and you look like a man who needs the little U-boat's captain's room.
13:59Yes, I do.
14:00Well then, I would like to apply for the jobby.
14:03We have a toilet. I'm meeting the engineer there now.
14:07Engineer?
14:07Yeah, flashing the boat's toilet is very complex,
14:10and only a specially trained person can do it.
14:14I'm intrigued.
14:16It is ready for you, Captain.
14:17Oh, thank goodness.
14:20Oh, torpedoes ahead!
14:24Oh, there we go.
14:25Tell me, my friend, do you call them the captain's logs?
14:29Oh, this is the first!
14:30Oh, this is the first!
14:31Sorry, Lou man, a pleasure to meet a fellow Poo-fessional.
14:34Oh, feel better?
14:36Oh, yes.
14:38Uh, I'd give it funf, if I were you.
14:40Oh, yes, can you?
14:41Uh, you may flush when ready, engineer.
14:43I, uh, too.
14:45Oh, all right.
14:47Oh, goodness, yeah, my set-up's a lot simpler than yours, if you want me to take you through it.
14:53Ah, nein, danke.
14:54Please do not disturb me.
14:55I must turn these levers and valves in exactly the right order,
15:00otherwise the seawater will flood into the vessel.
15:03Yeah, okay, yeah, cool.
15:06And, out of interest, how many buckets' worth of bum blackberries is this baby store?
15:12Well, actually, this sub does not store its poop.
15:14Instead, we fire third beetles into the ocean with compressed air.
15:19Oh, love it!
15:22Hello, what's happened?
15:23Has he done a floater?
15:25Oh, no, I've implemented the wrong sequence.
15:28The toilet is filling up with sea warts and the captain's logs.
15:31Oh, you do call them the captain's logs, then?
15:33Captain, the toilet switch has leaked into the ship's batteries,
15:36and the sub is filling with poisonous gas.
15:38We must surface an abandoned ship.
15:40Abandon ship?
15:42Code Brown!
15:43Abandon ship!
15:44Abandon ship!
15:47Students, the bucket.
15:52Well, Dr. Skinner, we're hoping you've come up with something that will help us to defeat the Nazis.
15:57Gentlemen, I believe I have.
15:59A massive advance in missile accuracy.
16:02Piloted missiles.
16:05Piloted?
16:06But who would be stupid enough to pilot a missile that was going to explode?
16:11Gentlemen, meet your new pilot.
16:13You want a pigeon to fly the bomb?
16:23Of course not.
16:25I want three pigeons to fly the bomb.
16:28Gentlemen, each pigeon harnessed inside the missile has been trained to peck at the target when they see it.
16:34This pecking transmits a signal via the bird's beak, which controls the bomb's tail fins and directs it towards the target.
16:43Oh, nein! You've destroyed my Nazi battleship!
16:47Who'd have suspected a pigeon?
16:49Oh, somebody give Skinner a promotion!
16:51Are we being pranked? Do you want us to entrust the war to birds?
16:57These are no ordinary birds, sir. My pigeons are graduates of the Skinner School of Aviation.
17:02You created a flying school for pigeons.
17:05Well, they're not going to train themselves, are they? Who is this guy?
17:10Let me show you something.
17:12What are you doing?
17:14A demonstration, sir. Each pigeon has been trained to ignore the distractions of war.
17:19Ah! My eyes! My eyes!
17:24See? It didn't even flinch!
17:26Thank you, Dr. Skinner. We have heard enough.
17:29I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it's a terrible idea.
17:32I'm sure implementing your pigeon plan would have been a real coup.
17:36And I don't want you to get in a flap, but it's time for you and your pigeons to take off.
17:44Hey, where'd that pigeon go?
17:49I told you they were trained to hit enemy targets.
17:55Being in a battle is exhausting.
17:57Thankfully, Mummus has brought me a cheese sandwich to keep me going.
18:01And I think she might be supplying the enemy, too.
18:03Girls! Sandwiches are ready!
18:05Pick a side, Mummus!
18:08I shouldn't be surprised, though.
18:09Mums have been helping their children in battle throughout history.
18:12Although, I'm glad my mum isn't a Spartan one.
18:16Spartan soldiers are some of the toughest in the world.
18:21The only thing tougher than them...
18:23Come on, you maggots!
18:24...are their mums.
18:26Get up! Sit up!
18:27This is Spartan Mums.
18:30Are you tough enough?
18:32I'm on!
18:33Tell me something.
18:35Do you want to be in the Spartan army?
18:38Yes, Mummy!
18:38Yes, Mummy!
18:39What did you say?
18:40Yes, Mummy!
18:41Drop down and give me 300.
18:44They're good boys, but they need to grow a spine.
18:47I mean, they're Spartans.
18:48They need to learn to be as tough as their mothers.
18:50And believe me, we need to be tough to raise sons as tough as Spartans.
18:54Can I get up now?
18:55Did I say you could speak?
18:57Sorry, Mummy!
18:57I meant to send you pathetic babies out to fight for us.
19:01Do you want to go to battle?
19:03Or will you come running home to your Mummy?
19:05No, Mummy.
19:06No, Mummy.
19:07A coward!
19:08I should have left you outside on the hill like your other brother.
19:11What other brother?
19:14Exactly.
19:15What Mummy wants, Mummy gets.
19:18Or you don't.
19:20Attention!
19:21Let me look at you.
19:23Oh, you don't want us to get naked again, do you?
19:25That is the best way to assess your physical fitness, but no.
19:29Not this time.
19:30Oh, that's a shame.
19:32I've been working on my abs.
19:36Shields!
19:39These are your shields.
19:41You carry them into battle.
19:43You return with them or on them.
19:45Oh, like a sledge.
19:46No, like a stretcher.
19:48Dead, dummy.
19:50Shame about the sledge.
19:52That sounded fun.
19:53Oh!
19:53Oh, I weed.
19:56I weed.
19:56I'm sorry, Mummy.
19:58No, I can't do this.
20:01You are a disgrace!
20:04Move!
20:04The three gruelling weeks are over.
20:06This is the end of the beginning of their training,
20:10which will last for many years to come.
20:13I want my Mummy!
20:15Mark Adamus!
20:17I know.
20:18Drop will give you 300.
20:20One.
20:21Two.
20:21Two and a half.
20:23Oh, it hurts, Mummy!
20:24Even counting that one.
20:25Oh, it hurts, Mummy!
20:27Dearest Edward, Mummy here.
20:29I do hope this letter finds you well, despite this silly civil war.
20:35Not much to report from here at home.
20:38Apart from missing you and Daddy, of course,
20:41I do feel so safe with our own soldiers here to protect us.
20:45Lady Harley, siege, siege, siege, we're under attack!
20:48Carry our positions, men!
20:50We will not let our home bowl defend her at all costs!
20:54I do hope you are looking after Daddy.
20:58I'm so proud of you both for defending our Puritan values against the royalist scum!
21:05As some mean people like to call them.
21:08The bells!
21:09The bells!
21:10They're taking the bells!
21:11Not on my watch!
21:12Hit them with everything we've got!
21:19Oh, I've been hit!
21:20Ooh, cake!
21:21I was going to send you a cake to make you think of hope, but...
21:31Eat musket balls, losers!
21:40Ah!
21:41I've preferred the cake!
21:43They seem to have run out of cake!
21:46Love and snuggles!
21:49Mummy!
21:51We did it!
21:52We did it!
21:53They're retreating!
21:53Who's done, Mummy?
21:55It's me!
21:56It's me!
21:57Right!
21:58Be alive and sneak this past the enemy, would you?
22:01Move, move, move!
22:05I don't know how long we can keep this battle going.
22:08I'm exhausted!
22:10Also, we're running out of pillows.
22:12We've only got three left.
22:15We've only got two left.
22:17Luckily, people in history have had all sorts of inventive ways
22:20to stop war and find peace.
22:23And one of the more surprising ways is marriage!
22:27That one was my favourite!
22:30They say there is a wafer-thin line between love and hate.
22:37So, is it any wonder that when two warring rivals look for peace,
22:42it is l'amour that shows the way.
22:44Pharaoh Rameses II is looking for love, or an end to war, one of the two.
22:51I hope I like her.
22:53I hope my wives like her as well.
22:55Hey, do people normally bring their wives on dates?
22:58Serious question.
22:59You don't mind, do you?
23:01Yeah, she don't mind.
23:02OKAY!
23:05His date is the eldest daughter of the king of the Hittites.
23:09You must be Rameses II.
23:11My name is...
23:12I don't care what your name is.
23:13I'm going to call you Mafornaferah.
23:16It means she who beholds the falcon
23:19that is the visible splendour of Ra.
23:23Yeah, right.
23:24I'm with you with names, isn't it?
23:25Is he allowed to do that?
23:27I mean, I know he's a pharaoh
23:28and I've heard he can do whatever he likes,
23:30but is he literally allowed to change my name?
23:31Things are off to a bad start
23:33because while Rameses is pharaoh of the Upper Nile,
23:36he's on this occasion also king of the utter vile.
23:39Aye, you need some oil babes?
23:41No thanks, babe.
23:42Apologies, my bad.
23:44You need some oil babes.
23:46No, stop that!
23:48What are you doing?
23:50The oil is there to banish the netherworld
23:52and keep you safe from evil.
23:53You're welcome.
23:54I know that ditch in this state
23:55could restart a war between our kingdoms,
23:57but right now, that seems like a price worth paying.
23:59Hey, hey, hey, look, look, look.
24:00We both know that our marriage
24:03is just there to keep the peace.
24:05But look, let's just put all of that aside, yeah?
24:08Let's just talk about our hopes and our dreams.
24:13I'd like that.
24:14So how much am I getting?
24:15Huh?
24:16Think of world peace, think of world peace.
24:18It's called a dowry.
24:20And dad has to give me a load of stuff when I marry her.
24:22Oh, it's a standard thing at regular weddings,
24:25let alone ones being arranged to end the war.
24:27Ain't that right?
24:28I've got bear coins off of these, love.
24:30So I get the gold, yeah?
24:31The silver, the slaves, the horses,
24:34and the cows, is that all?
24:36And me, of course.
24:38Yeah, of course.
24:40How can I forget that?
24:42That's mad.
24:43I'm going to put you down under the horses.
24:45And they say romance is dead.
24:47So do you think you'll see each other again?
24:49Sure.
24:50I mean, we'll have to, innit?
24:52If we don't get married,
24:54then the war between our rival kingdoms
24:56may well start up again.
24:57Right, I ain't got no choice.
24:59The words every bride longs to hear.
25:01Don't worry, babes.
25:02We'll look after you.
25:03There you go.
25:04Wives, less guy.
25:06You need to learn some more.
25:09Ignore him.
25:10What are you doing?
25:11Yeah, I'll catch you back at the palace.
25:14You know, I might have to be back next week
25:17because five wives ain't enough,
25:18you know what I mean?
25:19Ah, you know what I say.
25:24The dust has settled on our final battle.
25:27We all decided to put aside the pillows of war
25:30and lead a peaceful life.
25:33Because Dad has said if we didn't,
25:35he'd sell the telly.
25:36Yes, war is never the answer.
25:39Unless the question is three-letter word,
25:40beginning with W, English Civil What.
25:43Of course, in the English Civil War,
25:45Oliver Cromwell's motto was peace through war.
25:49But my dad says that's nonsense
25:50and he might be right.
25:52Things didn't work out so well for Cromwell.
25:55Mm-mm-mm.
25:56Civil War!
25:59What was it good for?
26:02Monarchy abolished.
26:05Civil War!
26:08What was it good for?
26:10Royalty demolished.
26:12Once we'd won and Charles lost his head,
26:16we became a commonwealth instead.
26:18My new model army fought for the cause.
26:20I crushed rebellion and rip-hawned laws.
26:22This old parliament became Lord Protector,
26:25like a king but without a crown of scepter.
26:27Protector-room was now what we were called,
26:29with a jolly little motto,
26:30peace through war.
26:31Civil War!
26:32What was it good for?
26:37Monarchy disbanded.
26:40Civil War!
26:42What was it good for?
26:45My power expanded.
26:48Cut England and Wales its twelve little bits.
26:51It didn't work out, had to pull that quits.
26:53Thought making me king would be the solution,
26:55but I stayed Lord Protector with a new constitution.
26:57Didn't last long, death was my fate.
26:59So son and heir stepping up to the plate,
27:02it was a tough act to follow the great dictator.
27:04The army forced me out a year later.
27:06Civil War!
27:08Huah!
27:09What was it good for?
27:12Monarchy diminished.
27:15Civil War!
27:17Huh.
27:18What was it good for?
27:20I thought we were finished.
27:22But all the while, I'd been in exile,
27:28banished from my home nation.
27:32Then I got the call,
27:34they'd had enough of war,
27:36and so began the restoration.
27:41I'd pardoned crimes from Civil War times,
27:43I'm back, what's not to lie?
27:45Well, they dug me up, cut me up,
27:48and put my head on a spike!
27:49Civil War!
27:52Huah!
27:53Who was it good for?
27:55Don't get me started.
27:58Civil War!
28:01Huah!
28:02Who was it good for?
28:04Right, now where's the party?
28:05Civil War!
28:07Who was it good for?
28:07I'm sorry.
28:08I'm sorry.
28:08I'm sorry.
28:09I'm sorry.
28:09I'm sorry.
28:09I'm sorry.
28:10I'm sorry.
28:10I'm sorry.
28:11I'm sorry.
28:11I'm sorry.
28:11I'm sorry.
28:11I'm sorry.
28:11I'm sorry.
28:12I'm sorry.
28:12I'm sorry.
28:12I'm sorry.
28:13I'm sorry.
28:13I'm sorry.
28:13I'm sorry.
28:14I'm sorry.
28:14I'm sorry.
28:14I'm sorry.
28:15I'm sorry.
28:15I'm sorry.
28:15I'm sorry.
28:16I'm sorry.
28:16I'm sorry.
28:17I'm sorry.
28:17I'm sorry.
28:18I'm sorry.
28:18I'm sorry.
28:19I'm sorry.
28:19I'm sorry.
28:20I'm sorry.
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