Mike Judges Beavis and Butt Head S03E21 Million Dollar Reward

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00:00Oh

00:24Your brain weighs almost nothing

00:27What a dumbass

00:30But wait again

00:32I'm gonna think about something heavy

00:36Like rocks or something

00:39Wait a minute Beavis check it out

00:43Whoa, hey, well that guy is cool

00:47Yes, he is very cool, but look it sounds like he did a crime or something and if you turn him into the police you get a

00:58Million dollars

01:00Well, so if you like find a guy who did a crime and turn him into the police you get a million dollars?

01:07Beavis I've got an idea

01:12Sir Beavis did like a crime. I'm turning him in

01:16That's right

01:18Give us a million dollars

01:20What crime did he do?

01:28That one's a stumper, isn't it?

01:30Hey, sir

01:32Can you give us a minute?

01:34Huh?

01:44I spanked my monkey

01:45That's not a crime

01:48It's not?

01:49Whoa, you know, that's cool

01:51Are you sure, sir?

01:53I heard him doing it and it was violent

01:55I heard him doing it and it was violent

01:59Yeah, that's not a crime

02:01Can you give us another minute, sir?

02:03Tell him you stole a house

02:08I don't know if spanking your monkey is allowed, maybe that's allowed too

02:11Uhh

02:13Yeah, that's true

02:15This is hard

02:23We thought of a crime, sir

02:25Yeah, I stabbed a tree

02:27Just get out of here, okay?

02:30Hey, they look like derelicts

02:32We should ask them if they know anything about all the graffiti around 26th street

02:36Uhh, is graffiti a crime?

02:39Yeah

02:40Then Beavis did it

02:41Yeah, that's right

02:44Okay, book him

02:46Yes!

02:48We're gonna be millionaires

02:53I wish it didn't have to be this way

02:55I really do

02:56But sometimes in life we have to protect our own heart

02:58Even if it means ripping it out of our chest

03:01Yes!

03:03Yeah!

03:04Hell yeah!

03:05That's how we do it around here

03:08Yeah!

03:09America!

03:10Yeah!

03:13I bet we could do better than those guys

03:16We should become hitmen

03:19Yeah, yeah, really, that's a good idea

03:21How do you become a hitman, though?

03:23Oh, I know

03:24Maybe I'll ask at the unemployment office

03:26See if they have any hitman jobs, you know?

03:31Uh, sure

03:33Can't hurt to ask

03:36You know, at my last job interview

03:37The guy asked me to stop jiggling my leg

03:40And I said

03:41Shut up or I'm gonna kill you!

03:43But see

03:45This time, on this job interview

03:47That might get me the job, see?

03:49Oh, this is good

03:51This is good

03:53And I'll tell you something

03:55If I was a hitman

03:57I would be the model of professionalism

04:00And I would even clean the grease traps if they wanted me to

04:03You know?

04:04Uh, there aren't any grease traps when you're a hitman, dumbass

04:10Yeah, there are, they're on the grill

04:12You're thinking of Burger World

04:14Oh, yeah, yeah

04:16Yeah, but I'm

04:18You know, I could do all my hits in Burger World, you know?

04:20You know?

04:22Mixed business with pleasure, you know?

04:24Oh, hey

04:26You know what else I mean?

04:27Like if I ran out of bullets or something

04:29I'd give them, like, a triple cheeseburger

04:31With a side of macho fries

04:33And then they'd just die of heart disease, you know?

04:36I got time, you know?

04:38Also, like, if you were a hitman

04:41And you didn't want to come into work one day

04:43Because, like, it was the weekend

04:45You could just say your grandma died

04:46And then if they said they were going to go check

04:49You could just kill her

04:52Oh, yeah, wait a second

04:54I don't like that, but that's messed up

04:56You said you have to work on weekends as a hitman?

04:59Eh, I think you have to work whenever someone needs killing

05:04Eh, this might not work out

05:07It was a beautiful dream, you know?

05:10Eh

05:11Ha ha ha ha ha ha

05:13Felony vandalism

05:15That's a serious charge

05:17That's right, sir

05:19Sure is

05:21We're gonna get a million dollars, yeah?

05:23Damn right

05:25Well, I promise you, Mr. Beavis

05:27As your lawyer, I will do everything I can to get you off

05:31Okay, I guess

05:33But I'd rather it was with a chick, you know?

05:34But I'd rather it was with a chick.

05:39Court is now in session for the trial of the state of Texas versus Beavis.

05:43Prosecution, you may call your first witness.

05:45There's been a whole lot of graffiti on the side of the Maximard and all over the neighborhood.

05:50A lot of gang tags and obscenities.

05:53Whoa, cool.

05:54Yeah, the crime I did kicks ass.

05:57You do cool crimes.

05:59Yeah, I do.

06:01I do lots of cool crimes, Your Honor.

06:05Can those 12 guys over there hear me?

06:08Did you hear that? Lots of cool crimes.

06:11I do, yeah.

06:13He told me to my face that he did it. He confessed.

06:18But isn't it true that you railroaded him into that confession?

06:25Rail.

06:27My lawyer's a perv.

06:29The defense calls Mr. Butthead to the stand as a character witness.

06:38You've been friends with Beavis your whole life, is that correct?

06:42Uh, he's not really my friend.

06:44But you lived together for 20 years.

06:49I'd like to take the 69th.

06:53The defense calls Mr. Beavis to the stand in his own defense.

07:03Mr. Beavis, we've heard a lot here today, and I bet you're eager to finally tell your side of the story.

07:08This is boring.

07:10How long is this going to take?

07:11I'm just here to get my million dollars.

07:14What million dollars?

07:16You know, my million dollar reward for turning myself in for doing a crime.

07:20There's no reward, Mr. Beavis.

07:24If this court finds you guilty, you don't get any money.

07:27What?

07:29You go to jail.

07:30That sucks.

07:32Um, I have one more question for the judge.

07:35Proceed.

07:36Um, it's spanking your monkey against the law.

07:39Because they told me it wasn't, and now it's just not as fun anymore.

07:42And so, Mr. Beavis, you didn't do any of this graffiti.

07:51No, sir.

07:52In fact, you couldn't have, because you don't even know your letters.

07:56I'd just like to state for the record that reading sucks.

08:00The only reason you confessed to the crime was you mistakenly believed you would be paid one million dollars.

08:07Do I get a million dollars?

08:09Because I'm still not 100% clear on it.

08:12No.

08:14Eh, that sucks.

08:16The defense rests.

08:20Your Honor, we have just come into a new piece of evidence we'd like to enter into the record.

08:25I'll allow it.

08:28Oh, yeah, yeah.

08:30Yeah, yeah, we did do graffiti, yeah.

08:34Oh, yeah.

08:35Uh, let the record show that it's a butt.

08:40Yeah, I forgot about that.

08:41Um, Your Honor, was this in 2024?

08:44I was drunk that year.

08:46I don't remember barely any of it.

08:47Hey.

08:51We, the jury, find the defendants guilty.

08:55Wait a second.

08:56Who's the defendants?

08:57I thought we did it.

08:58Yeah, someone tell her she got the wrong guys.

09:02At least these guys know what's up.

09:04Yeah, really.

09:07Beavis, we're gonna get a million dollars.

09:10Our plan worked.

09:12Yeah.

09:13Yeah.

09:14Yeah.

09:15Yeah.

09:16Yeah.

09:17Yeah.

09:18Yeah.

09:19Yeah.

09:20Yeah.

09:21Yeah.

09:22Yeah.

09:23Yeah.

09:24Yeah.

09:25Yeah.

09:26Yeah.

09:27Yeah.

09:28Yeah.

09:29Yeah.

09:30Yeah.

09:31Yeah.

09:32Yeah.

09:33Yeah.

09:34Yeah.

09:35Yeah.

09:36Yeah.

09:37Yeah.

09:38Yeah.

09:39Yeah.

09:40Yeah.

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