- 10 hours ago
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00:00So our new neighbors, is it that Zach has two wives or that each woman has a wife and a husband?
00:14Maybe Sarah and Allison are in love and they just found a guy to fix stuff.
00:20Looks like they're going somewhere.
00:22Probably some weird supermarket that caters to three-way relationships.
00:27Why would they have that?
00:30I don't know, Calvin. I have one husband and you have one wife. You got that? Till death and even after.
00:38Yeah. I mean, two wives. Could you imagine how long this poor guy's in Target?
00:46The logistics must be complicated. Who do you think sleeps in the middle of the bed?
00:51I mean, if the middle person has to pee, do they have to crawl off the end?
00:57I bet they have at least a California king.
01:01Me and Tina got a California king.
01:02And it's full, so don't get any ideas.
01:06Hey, hey.
01:07Hey, hello, hello.
01:08Hey, baby.
01:09Hey, Marty, you're a scientist. Would you tell your mother that orgies aren't contagious?
01:16Orgies?
01:17No, no, no. Not orgies. You know our new neighbors?
01:21Yeah, Zach and Allison.
01:22Who is Sarah? Who is Allison?
01:25Now you're caught up.
01:28Well, it turns out they're a thruple.
01:31Is that a real word or did you just make that up?
01:34No.
01:34The answer will upset me.
01:37No, mama, it's 2025.
01:39Those types of relationships are not a big deal.
01:42It's just one iteration of a modern, ethical, non-monogamous polycule.
01:45You know, you can use all the fancy words you want.
01:50That ain't nothing but an old school freak fest.
01:54Welcome to the block.
01:55Welcome to the neighborhood.
01:56Welcome to the hood.
01:57Oh, Courtney and her mom are in Laguna Beach for the whole week.
02:05Yeah.
02:06Are you going to miss your baby?
02:08Well, I mean, I wouldn't exactly call her my baby.
02:11I mean, I'm sure we are raising a child together, but I don't think we're ready for, like, pet names or titles or anything.
02:17No, no, no, because I was talking about your actual baby.
02:23Daphne, my niece.
02:24Yeah, yeah, Daphne, of course.
02:26Here you go.
02:28Oh, thanks.
02:29And I'm sorry, I couldn't help overhearing you have a baby.
02:33Oh, yeah, check it out.
02:35Isn't she cute?
02:35Oh, so cute.
02:38So where is she going to preschool?
02:40What?
02:41She's only five months old.
02:43You know, it's a little early for preschool.
02:44But she is enrolled somewhere, right?
02:50What are you asking?
02:52I've already applied my little Charles to three schools.
02:55They fill up so fast, his safety school is in Orange County, God forbid.
03:02Okay, I'm just the uncle, but we are just talking about preschool here, right?
03:08Preschools that feed into the best elementary schools.
03:10And if you don't get into one of those, you can forget about Harvard Law.
03:13Courtney and I just started mommying me.
03:16We had no idea we were behind.
03:17Our daughter doesn't even have a tooth.
03:20Many of my friends, they submitted their applications before they even conceived.
03:24So...
03:24Many of her friends sound crazy.
03:31I don't think it's crazy at all.
03:32Other babies are trying to steal Daphne's spot at an Ivy League-accredited nursery.
03:43Hello?
03:46Oh, hi.
03:48Dave, right?
03:49Do you and Calvin have a pickleball match?
03:51Ah, that's the thing.
03:52Calvin will not be playing anymore.
03:53But I wanted Zach and Sarah to know that I am still in.
03:58For pickleball.
04:01Ah.
04:03Well, since I have you alone, could I ask you something?
04:07Yeah, sure.
04:08It's a little awkward.
04:10I hope you can be discreet.
04:13I'm not used to being this forward.
04:15Oh, boy.
04:23I was worried this might happen.
04:25Look, I understand, obviously, that I exude a certain sexual energy
04:34that is difficult, nay, impossible to resist.
04:40And while I'm not judging your personal choice to live in a polycule,
04:46you should know that I'm a married man.
04:47Nay, happily married man.
04:51Oh, my God.
04:54You think I'm hitting on you?
04:57It's not that funny.
05:00No.
05:02No, you're right.
05:02It just struck me as ridiculous.
05:06We were actually thinking about Calvin.
05:08Calvin?
05:11I know he's married, but is he open-minded?
05:14Calvin would die before he cheated on Tina.
05:17Maybe because she would kill him.
05:20He wouldn't be cheating.
05:22If she wanted to be a part of it, she could be, too.
05:24Okay, okay.
05:25So I'm not involved in any version of this?
05:31Oh, Malcolm.
05:33Malcolm, do you have any connections to any famous people?
05:35Like the mayor or Mark Cuban?
05:37Michelle Obama.
05:39Yeah, Marty, let me hit them up in the group chat.
05:43Don't toy with me, Malcolm.
05:45I need a letter of recommendation to get Daphne into these elite preschools.
05:48You should see this application.
05:50Uh, Marty, you are a scientist, man.
05:52Do you remember what preschool we went to?
05:55Our grandmama's house.
05:57Okay, and we turned out just fine.
05:59We learned everything a two-year-old needs to know.
06:01Look, man, all I remember is I was the only four-year-old watching Guiding Light, and I love Reba Shane, but I want more than that for Daphne.
06:09Wait, wait, wait.
06:10Okay.
06:10What preschool is this, anyway?
06:12The Center for Early Excellence.
06:14Yes, U.S. News and Royal Report ranked the Center the number one school in California for students under four.
06:20Where's my wallet?
06:22Whoa, uh, why?
06:23Because you have to pay the application fee just to visit.
06:25What, Marty?
06:26That is a scam.
06:27Look, why don't you go talk to Gemma, all right?
06:29Ask her about it before you give somebody your credit card number.
06:33Okay, that's a good idea.
06:34But we should hurry, because I just gave it.
06:37Come on.
06:37Wow, you are putting on quite the show.
07:03Excuse me?
07:04No, I'm just saying, out here, flaunting what you got, all glistening.
07:12What makes you think you can talk to me like that?
07:15I'm sorry.
07:17Look, apparently, you can't help it.
07:19You've got raw animal magnetism.
07:24Again, what makes you think you can talk to me like that?
07:28Calvin, they want you.
07:33Who?
07:33The thruple.
07:35The polycule.
07:37Wait.
07:39They said that?
07:42I know.
07:43I couldn't believe it either.
07:45I mean, it's not hard to believe.
07:48I mean, who wouldn't want a chocolate bear claw like me, you know?
07:54Hey, guys.
07:54Oh, nothing.
07:55Nothing.
07:58We didn't ask you anything.
08:00Well, what's going on?
08:01Nothing.
08:03Look, Tina.
08:05Apparently, things have got a little more complicated with our new neighbors.
08:10How so?
08:13Well, the thruple, they want your boy to join their little thing, you know.
08:19I knew it.
08:21I knew it.
08:22I knew it.
08:23Tina, calm down.
08:24Uh, maybe it's just a misunderstanding.
08:26Oh, no, no, no.
08:27It is not a misunderstanding.
08:29They said they want Calvin, and they didn't want me.
08:32Can you believe that?
08:36Of course.
08:37No.
08:39Okay.
08:40All right.
08:41Look.
08:42On the bright side, you have nothing to worry about.
08:46The thruple is no threat to our relationship.
08:48I told you, Calvin.
08:55I told you they were freaks.
08:57What are you out here doing?
08:58Shaking what your mama gave you?
09:01What are you doing?
09:02Playing with the hoes?
09:03You know, I'm going over there, and I'm going to tear those freaks three new ones.
09:10Tina, slow down, all right?
09:13Let me and Dave handle this.
09:15All right, we'll just go over there, and we'll let them know that we are just normal, traditional, old-school neighbors, nothing more.
09:23Okay?
09:23You go over there, and you say what you got to say, and you get your butt right back in.
09:26All right.
09:29Don't lollygag, and don't dilly-dally.
09:31Huh.
09:33All right, Tina, don't worry.
09:35Look, they're not going to gobble up your sweet little chocolate bear claw.
09:40What makes you think you can talk about my husband like that?
09:52Okay, Marty.
09:53Deep breath.
09:55I know these applications are stressful, but everything's going to work out.
09:59Yeah, but you don't know how hard it is to get into the center.
10:02The center for early excellence?
10:04You didn't tell me it was the C-double-E.
10:06Everybody wants to get in there.
10:08Oh, dear God.
10:10Not you, too, Gemma.
10:12Okay, first question.
10:13What has your child contributed to their community?
10:16Are you kidding me?
10:17The only question on a preschool application should be, are you a baby?
10:22Okay, here's what you write.
10:26Daphne's a real go-getter.
10:28She's naturally curious, and she's passionate about her ocean-themed crib mobile.
10:35That tells him she cares about the environment, but she's not, like, in your face with it.
10:40What are your child's special abilities?
10:43Oh, I know.
10:44She can chew on her toes.
10:49You know what?
10:50Let's take this in the other room, Gemma.
10:52Malcolm, when Daphne's older, I'm going to tell her you didn't believe in her.
10:59Oh.
11:00Oh, that's great.
11:02Oh, I feel so good.
11:04Oh.
11:04Oh.
11:05Calvin!
11:11Dave.
11:14Hey, Zach.
11:15Hey, look, we need to talk about things.
11:19Yeah, sure thing, neighbor.
11:20Good, good.
11:20That's it, right there.
11:21That's it.
11:22That's exactly how I'd like to keep it.
11:24You know, just neighbors.
11:27Okay.
11:29And I am flattered.
11:31Okay, you got good taste, my man.
11:33Very limited taste, but whatever.
11:38David, come on.
11:40Look, here's the thing, Zach.
11:42Um, I'm a happily married man, and I've got more woman than I can handle as it is right now.
11:50You came over to tell us that?
11:53Yeah, yeah, and I can see you're disappointed, Sarah, so...
11:58Um, I just hope there's no hard feelings.
12:03No hard feelings for me, either.
12:05Not that anyone asked.
12:06Even though I still have all my hair, all my teeth.
12:09And do you know how rare it is for a man my age to be able to do a backflip?
12:13Yeah, please.
12:15What's going on here?
12:17Oh, well, look, I know that you guys want me to be a part of your little situation here.
12:23And by situation, you mean...
12:25Your group, your team activities, you know, the way you guys intertwine.
12:32Oh, so you think because we're polyamorous, we want just anybody and everybody to join in?
12:39Well, I wouldn't consider myself anybody.
12:43I mean, hell, Allison invited me.
12:45Allison.
12:51Wait, what?
12:54Okay.
12:55Yes, I invited him.
12:57How could you do that without consulting us?
12:59I just wanted a little attention from you two for once.
13:02Obviously, I would never invite him in a million years.
13:07Uh, a million years?
13:09That's a lot.
13:10Isn't this insane?
13:15I told you you had to see it.
13:16Was that Harry Connick Jr. in the hallway?
13:19Yes.
13:19He teaches tambourine.
13:22I'm telling you, man, this is going to open doors for Daphne.
13:24We didn't even know existed.
13:27Hello.
13:28Who might we be?
13:30Ah, uh, we be Marty Butler, and this is my brother Malcolm.
13:34Oh, Daphne's father.
13:35Oh, her application was very impressive.
13:37Her curiosity about climate change really came across.
13:43She understands our children are our future.
13:47Because she is a child.
13:52Don't make me regret bringing you here, Malcolm, like I regret coming.
13:56Uh, this is just a big change for us, because our preschool was guiding light.
14:02Oh, I don't know that one.
14:03Is it in Pasadena?
14:04No, no.
14:05Uh, CBS.
14:07All you and Zach ever do is play pickleball.
14:13I hate that stupid game.
14:15Why don't you just talk to us?
14:16I can't talk to you.
14:17You spend all day on this court.
14:19Tina!
14:24Okay?
14:25You have been at this freak show way too long.
14:28Come on, let's go.
14:28And Tina, calm down.
14:30And Gemma, please, I don't want to hear...
14:31Did Gemma not come with you?
14:36She said she trusts you.
14:38Trust?
14:39Okay, there is trust, and then there is blatant disrespect.
14:41Listen, you three.
14:45You think you can compete with this, okay?
14:47This is my husband, and I don't share.
14:52Okay, Tina, look.
14:53There has been a misunderstanding.
14:55They don't even want me.
14:56Who did I want you?
15:01Well, how the hell are they not going to want you as fly as you are?
15:04You see, you're trippy.
15:06You see what you did?
15:08You got our whole neighborhood in an uproar.
15:10Well, this is what it takes to make you realize I'm alive.
15:13I am sick of being taken for granted.
15:15Okay, FYI, I'm not kidding about the backflip.
15:19You're being taken for granted?
15:21I made your favorite lasagna the other night.
15:23No, thank you.
15:24No, nothing.
15:25Yeah, and I scraped out that casserole dish for an hour,
15:28but I guess I'm just your maid.
15:29You could just put it in the dishwasher.
15:31Oh, you think that cheap dishwasher you bought
15:33is going to take off burnt ricotta?
15:37Burnt?
15:38That is my mother's recipe.
15:39How dare you?
15:40My mother is in my shoes.
15:41Soap overnight.
15:42How anal can you be?
15:43Oh, great idea.
15:43You like ants because that's what you'll get.
15:45I guess we can go.
15:57Lasagna sounds good though, huh?
15:58It does sound good.
16:00Three, two, one.
16:05Calvin!
16:09All right, everybody.
16:11Let's have a seat on the socialization rug.
16:15Criss-cross applesauce.
16:20Oh, boy.
16:28Now, let me tell you about our philosophy
16:31here at the center.
16:33We let the kids tell us
16:35what they'd like to learn.
16:36So if they want to learn about the universe,
16:39we bring the universe to them.
16:42In fact, everybody look up
16:45and take a peek at our new solar system
16:47that was commissioned by a new CEE family.
16:51I really shouldn't say the name.
16:53It's Al Pacino.
16:54Oh, my God.
16:58Uh, I'm sorry.
17:01I see the sun, but I'm not clear
17:02what solar system this is.
17:04Oh, well, um, do you see there?
17:06There is the Earth.
17:07Right.
17:07Ah, yes.
17:08The, uh, sixth rock from the sun.
17:11Okay.
17:12Uh, first of all, there's too many planets up there,
17:14and they're all in the wrong order,
17:15and Mars shouldn't have rings.
17:17Yes, but in the creative mind of a child,
17:20any planet can have rings.
17:23Right, but, but in our solar system,
17:26only some do, and none of them are Mars.
17:28This is, this is all wrong.
17:30Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:33See, here at the center,
17:35wrong is a four-letter word, so.
17:39Oh, uh, right, but, but clearly,
17:41if you're teaching them to count to ten,
17:43and they say two, six, four,
17:45thirty-nine, potato, ten,
17:47that would be wrong.
17:48But who are we to tell them what's wrong?
17:55Their teachers.
17:57We don't impose rigid expectations.
18:01No, we let the children discover on their own.
18:06Yeah, but it's, it's counting.
18:08It's well-established.
18:09It doesn't need to be discovered.
18:11So, I'm sorry.
18:12Your child is Daphne?
18:14Oh.
18:15Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
18:18Yes, yes, go ahead.
18:20Black baller, I'm out of here.
18:21Let's get up out of here.
18:22Now help me up so I can storm out.
18:23Yeah.
18:24Glad yet.
18:26Oh, my legs are still on top of my mouth.
18:27What are you doing?
18:28I don't need to get this.
18:29Wait, wait, wait.
18:30Come on, I'll get this.
18:31Okay, down, right.
18:32Yeah, yeah.
18:33Come on, come on, come on.
18:34That's it.
18:36You know, I can't believe it.
18:44They had this big, stupid, petty fight.
18:47They were just, like, so normal.
18:50So there was nothing freaky about them?
18:52No.
18:53They were just like you and me.
18:54And a third person.
18:55Now I know why you didn't come over with Tina.
19:00You knew they weren't a threat.
19:03Do.
19:09Our relationship.
19:10Oh, yes.
19:11Right, right, right, right.
19:14You know, Calvin, if you want to play pickleball with them again, I guess it'll be fine.
19:19Oh, thanks, babe.
19:20But no above-the-knee shorts.
19:23Those are just for me.
19:27It's like your black fishnets.
19:31Exactly.
19:34I'm the same way about your Springsteen tank top.
19:38A little late, Gemma.
19:48Whoa.
19:49Oh, hey, Sarah.
19:53You're strong.
19:56Most men would have to make two trucks.
19:59Wow.
20:01I did do pommel horse in high school.
20:04I can see it.
20:06I could probably grab this laundry detergent, too.
20:08Uh, Sarah, can I help you?
20:23No, just, uh, going for a walk.
20:26Admiring the view.
20:27It's got a ring on it.
20:31Move along.
20:32Uh, okay.
20:33Gemma, calm down.
20:35Look.
20:36I'm all yours.
20:38Good.
20:43You know what you signed up for.
20:44All right.
20:52Come on.
20:54Go.
20:54Go.
21:00Go.
21:01Go.
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