- 10 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00What happened?
00:05What happened?
00:07Isn't it obvious what happened?
00:09These maniacs destroyed my library.
00:12Don't look at me.
00:14This old heap is a death trap.
00:19Thank God there was an experienced driver
00:22behind the wheel of this hoopty.
00:24Hoopty.
00:26This car is 30 years younger than you.
00:28You the hoopty.
00:30Okay, so my dad's not a great driver.
00:34That does not mean that he needs that head for Loretta.
00:39Gemma can't drive. Does she need Loretta?
00:41Uh, excuse me.
00:43Why's your tail light cracking?
00:45Something happened to your tail light?
00:47Dave, don't be rude. We're talking about Otis.
00:51Tina, the man is half deaf, half blind,
00:54blood pressure high, doing donuts in the school zone.
00:58The only reason Loretta was bossing them around
01:01was to keep them alive.
01:04Hey, good morning.
01:07Uh, what's that beeping noise?
01:10Oh, that's my phone.
01:13Yeah, Loretta did something to it just to mess with me.
01:16The joke's on, huh? I can barely hear it.
01:22It's an alert. It says take pills.
01:24Wait, Daddy, you have pills that you're supposed to take?
01:27Well, thanks for reminding me.
01:32Here, they're in this thing here.
01:33I better put them in here so that I know what to take and when.
01:36Okay, okay.
01:37Otis, all your pills are in Sunday.
01:41And today is Sunday.
01:42So down the hatch.
01:44Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:45Wait, Daddy.
01:47Let's take a look at these.
01:48Okay, we got a blood pressure pill.
01:50Okay, I see your Tylenol.
01:52This is a red one with an S on it.
01:54Oh, I didn't see that.
01:55I didn't see that.
01:56Huh.
01:59Huh, that's a skill.
02:00Welcome to the block. Welcome to the neighborhood.
02:04Welcome to the neighborhood.
02:05Welcome to the neighborhood.
02:10Welcome.
02:11I am a new man.
02:13After yesterday's near-death experience,
02:15I realized I can't take tomorrow for granted.
02:17Every day is a gift, and I'm gonna live life to the fullest.
02:21Okay, you're right, Marty.
02:22Yeah, life is short.
02:23And what you gonna do?
02:25I'm going to the movies.
02:26Well, Marty, let's not get crazy. Calm down.
02:30Too late?
02:32All righty, boy.
02:33Tickets to Ascension 3, the beginning.
02:35Wait, how can 3 be the beginning?
02:36Well, the first was Ascension Apocalypse,
02:38then Ascension 2, the final battle.
02:41But if 2 was the final battle, how could you...
02:43You know... Nuh-uh, no.
02:46Live your life.
02:47Okay?
02:48I like this new Marty.
02:50Come on.
02:51Living life on the edge.
02:52What you gonna do next?
02:53Drink 2% milk?
02:55With my tummy?
03:01Hey.
03:02Uh, hey, Courtney.
03:04Is it laundry day?
03:07Hilarious, Malcolm.
03:09I left the wand of vengeance in the car,
03:11or you'd recognize me as Princess Mango Assassin.
03:13Mango Assassin.
03:18How the hell are you two not a couple?
03:20Well, I'm off to the Anaheim Anime Con.
03:22Oh, no, but it's the second Sunday of the month.
03:24You got Daphne.
03:25Well, I told you we need to switch today.
03:27Okay, you may have told me,
03:28but you definitely didn't put in our shared ca...
03:30Oh.
03:31Okay, no, you actually did.
03:32Uh...
03:33Okay, but...
03:34I was gonna go to the movies today.
03:36And I haven't been to the movies since Daphne was born.
03:38Aw.
03:39You wanna talk about what's happened
03:40since our little alien burst out of my body?
03:43It feeds on me.
03:46Always.
03:47And you wanna know what's next?
03:49Teeth.
03:52Yeah, I feel like you won that.
03:54Okay, so, uh, you take this one,
03:57and I'll take this one.
04:00All right.
04:01Oh, and by the way, uh, Daphne's had a little sniffle,
04:04so keep her hat on her.
04:05Okay?
04:06Okay.
04:07Sure.
04:08Okay.
04:09All right.
04:10Uh...
04:11Well...
04:12Ha!
04:13It is your lucky day, Malcolm.
04:14You may have my ticket to ascension.
04:17All you have to know is the Quantarans are at war
04:19with the moon leeches.
04:20Now, where does a moon le-
04:21No.
04:22No.
04:23No, no, no, no.
04:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
04:25No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
04:26No, no.
04:27Marty, I will watch Daphne.
04:29Seriously?
04:30No, I-I can't do that, man.
04:31You don't know anything about babies.
04:33What's there to know?
04:34This kid is three months old.
04:36I can change a diaper and put a bottle in a mouth.
04:38Boom.
04:40Ha-ha!
04:41You go watch that movie.
04:43All by yourself.
04:50Oh.
04:51Daddy, can we talk?
04:55You okay?
04:56Hey.
04:57Hey.
04:58Hey.
05:03Never better.
05:04Give me that.
05:07Give me this.
05:09You bad as Loretta.
05:10Look, Daddy, tell me the truth.
05:13Why did you leave her?
05:15She just didn't appreciate the good fang she had.
05:23Daddy.
05:24All right, fine.
05:25Truth is, she left me.
05:30Talking about she felt unappreciated.
05:34But she was trying to hold her brother down.
05:36It seems like she was trying to keep her brother alive.
05:40Since when have you been on her side?
05:42Daddy, I'm on your side.
05:44That's why you need to get her back.
05:46Don't you miss her?
05:47No!
05:55I do miss her cookies, though.
05:56Oh, please.
05:57Her cookies were lumpy garbage.
06:00Not those cookies.
06:01Bill!
06:02Yeah, Otis.
06:03Your phone is beeping.
06:04Oh, pill time.
06:05Too many rules.
06:06Rules and pills.
06:07I hear that, man.
06:08High blood pressure pill.
06:09High blood pressure ain't never killed nobody.
06:10Look, Otis, man-to-man.
06:11Look, Otis, man-to-man, look, I get it.
06:15Wives, they mean well, but they can be annoying.
06:16Well, you seen Tina?
06:17In her making me eat baked chicken.
06:18She get on my nerves with that.
06:19Oh, wait a minute.
06:20Hold on now.
06:21That's my daughter you talking about.
06:23Look, all I'm saying is relationships are wrong.
06:24You're not.
06:25You're not.
06:26You're not.
06:27You're not.
06:28You're not.
06:29You're not.
06:30You're not.
06:31You're not.
06:32I'm saying that you're not.
06:33Well, you seen Tina?
06:34It ain't making me eat baked chicken.
06:36She get on my nerves with that.
06:37Oh, wait a minute. Hold on now.
06:38That's my daughter you talking about.
06:42Look, all I'm saying is relationships are give and take.
06:46You take your pills, she'll give you peace.
06:50Yeah, yeah, huh.
06:52Found one of my little blue pills for hump day.
06:57Well, Otis, today is not Wednesday.
07:00Well, Wednesday is not my hump day.
07:03Thanks a lot, Doc.
07:06Be sure to keep that in mind.
07:09Only one horny old man.
07:13Hello. Yeah, this is Calvin Butler.
07:20My mother's maiden name, LaBelle.
07:23Who's that?
07:24It's our insurance company.
07:26Oh, okay. Bye.
07:28My first pet's name.
07:30Look, you call me. You know who this is.
07:32Yeah.
07:35Wait.
07:36What?
07:40Oh, howdy, neighbor.
07:42No, don't you dare howdy me.
07:46Why did you file an insurance claim against me?
07:49Well, now you won't have to pay out of pocket.
07:51My new car's not even on my policy yet.
07:53Oh, you were supposed to do that immediately.
07:55Well, I was about to do it immediately.
07:59You know, maybe Otis' insurance will cover it.
08:02Otis' driver's license was revoked.
08:05And you let him drive without checking it?
08:07I'm his son-in-law, Dave, not a state trooper.
08:10Look, you gotta get this reversed.
08:12Our insurance rates will go sky high.
08:14And then we can't afford this house.
08:16And we'll have to move.
08:17And then Fraternity will move in, throwing parties at all hours.
08:21Grover can't sleep.
08:22Then he fails out of school.
08:24There goes college.
08:26I mean, do you want that for your son?
08:31No.
08:33Then you gotta fix this, Dave.
08:34And not for me.
08:36For Grover.
08:44You see that, Daphne?
08:45This is football.
08:47You will never watch this with your daddy.
08:53Don't worry.
08:54Uncle Malcolm has got you.
08:56Okay.
08:57One second.
08:58I'll be right back.
08:59I think I broke Daphne.
09:09What?
09:11What happened?
09:12What?
09:13I was watching her and I put her down on the couch for like five seconds.
09:16You left her on the couch?
09:17It was five seconds.
09:18I had to warm up her bottle.
09:20And then, well, this.
09:25Oh, look at that little scratch.
09:28Poor thing.
09:29Oh, did your negligent Uncle Malcolm give you that boo-boo?
09:36It was five seconds, Gemma.
09:39It's just a little scratch.
09:40It'll go away in a couple days.
09:42A couple of days?
09:43Gemma, I'll be dead tonight.
09:45Hold on.
09:46I have some concealer in my purse.
09:47I can just cover it up.
09:48Oh, my God.
09:50You are a lifesaver, Gemma.
09:52What the hell is that?
09:54That's not gonna work.
09:55Don't you have concealer for black people?
09:57Oh, yeah.
09:58It's right here.
09:59No!
10:00Why would I have that?
10:04Hey, Gemma, have you seen...
10:05Oh, Malcolm.
10:06Here you are.
10:07Hey, man, what's going on?
10:08What's going on?
10:09Oh!
10:11Malcolm, what did you do?
10:13Technically, I didn't do anything that was Daphne who rolled off the couch.
10:16She what?
10:17Party?
10:18Party?
10:19Party?
10:20Calm down.
10:21Babies are resilient.
10:22It'll heal fast.
10:23She's a baby, not a starfish.
10:27When Courtney sees the scratch, I'm gonna have to admit that I left our daughter with an unauthorized babysitter.
10:33But just keep this little hat on her.
10:35It covers the scrape and it's super cute.
10:38Yes.
10:39Yes.
10:40Courtney said Daphne had the sniffles.
10:42She told me to leave it on.
10:44I'm just doing what she asked for.
10:46See?
10:47This is a great plan.
10:48Is it?
10:50What's gonna happen when Courtney wants to give Daphne a bath?
10:53What's gonna happen when Courtney wants to give Daphne a bath?
10:57Do you have a better idea, Uncle Baby Dropper?
11:07Hello, Loretta.
11:10Tina.
11:14Let me guess.
11:16These have been the longest two days of your life.
11:19It's been challenging.
11:23I know.
11:25He missed his hump day.
11:30Look, Loretta, I know that things have been a bit, you know, tense between us.
11:36Like when you sent that Christmas card to Daddy and current resident?
11:42I mean, that was so long ago.
11:44That was seven straight Christmases.
11:46Okay.
11:49Here's the thing.
11:50Maybe, just maybe, I misjudged you.
11:54And I am willing to let bygones be bygones.
11:58Now come and get them.
12:01Hold on.
12:03For the last seven years you've been giving me the cold shoulder,
12:06while I've been nothing but loving to your father.
12:08Now, I'm the one that needs to be forgiven.
12:12I think I'll let this sock respond.
12:19Kit rocks.
12:21If you can wait a minute, I think I can finally kiss my butt socks I keep them over here behind the camera.
12:26Look, I just, I'm just trying to say that my dad really misses you.
12:30Well, I'm sure he does. I'd miss me too.
12:35I've been fighting with your father tooth and nail to keep him healthy and safe, but does he appreciate it?
12:40No, I'm just exhausted. You can keep him. Y'all deserve each other.
12:43Okay. All right. I probably had that coming.
12:51You did.
12:54I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I...
12:59I guess I was cold to you.
13:02You were.
13:04I just said that.
13:05Look, Loretta, when my mom passed, I had a hard time getting on with my life, and my father, well, he didn't.
13:16So you decided to take that out on me. You're the one who stopped coming around.
13:21That's because he's my father. And you, you just swooped in and you took him.
13:28Took him? I fell in love with him. And I'm not gonna apologize for that.
13:37Well, I guess that's that.
13:39I guess it is.
13:42Well, I'll let him know that this is really over.
13:47Oh.
13:49Do you validate parking?
13:52Only with a purchase.
13:55I'll just pay.
13:59Mother's Maiden, Henner.
14:01First patch, Fluffy. First concert, NKOTB.
14:05Oh, for crying out loud, it's new kids on the block.
14:10Uh, yes, Deborah, I just need to correct a few details about my claim.
14:13I now remember that I did not see the license plate.
14:17In fact, it was the license plate of the car that is parked safely next door.
14:23Okay, goodbye. You're done.
14:24Yeah, I now actually remember that maybe there wasn't an accident at all.
14:28Okay, get it.
14:29Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
14:31That was the hardest thing that I've ever done.
14:34Well, you did it very poorly.
14:35All right, throw a little paint on it and a little library be good as new.
14:45Oh, man.
14:47You, sir, are a craftsman of the highest order.
14:51It's four pieces of wood, Dave.
14:53Well, can you build one a little bigger for my dad to live in?
14:57Because after the conversation I had with Loretta, clearly he's staying.
15:01Well, you know, you joke, but the city recently streamlined their permitting process for building an ADU.
15:08You could have Otis living in the backyard in no time.
15:11I'm not sleeping on the grass.
15:14No, no. We build you a whole structure.
15:16With a waterbed?
15:17Yeah, sure.
15:18But no.
15:20All right, well, I'll just park an RV in the driveway.
15:23You can't drive a car. Now you want to drive a small house?
15:27Oh.
15:28Knock over one little bookshelf and all of a sudden you don't know what the hell you're doing.
15:32I've been driving longer than anything you're upon.
15:36Dave, what's with this text in the group chat?
15:40Ta-da!
15:45They're gonna want a little scooter, boy.
15:47Hey, Daphne, why'd he put his head on his too?
15:50That's not right, no!
15:52What?!
15:54Who put this scratch on my baby's head?
15:56Malcolm did it.
15:57No, he left me with daddy duties. I'm just an uncle.
16:00The important thing here is there's big news. Daphne learned how to rule over.
16:04Yes, yes, that is the takeaway.
16:06You better hope the government doesn't take her away.
16:10Oh, my God, my baby!
16:11Oh, here you are.
16:14Whoa.
16:17Y'all seeing this?
16:20What's going on?
16:22It's about Daphne.
16:23Malcolm, let me handle it.
16:25Okay.
16:27Courtney, there was a scratch on her head.
16:30Okay, okay, don't judge me. I scratched Daphne.
16:33And I was hoping that you wouldn't see it.
16:35You did this?!
16:37It was an accident!
16:38Okay, I scratched her precious little head with my nail.
16:41That is why I put the hat on her.
16:43Nobody would notice.
16:46This is so great.
16:49I thought it happened when she rolled off the couch.
16:52You let Daphne roll off the couch?
16:54No, not me. Malcolm did it when he was babysitting.
16:56You let Malcolm babysit?
16:58I am a damn good babysitter. Nobody told me Daphne was ready to roll.
17:03Because she dressed like this all the time.
17:05I'm not mad at it, but it's just that you look like one of the funkadelic back-up dancers.
17:12You know?
17:16Who is this man?
17:18This is Otis, my grandfather. He's here for a while.
17:24Oh, Loretta.
17:26Hi, Calvin.
17:28What's Princess Mango Assassin doing here?
17:31Finally someone gets it.
17:34Of course, I sell your socks to weirdos.
17:40Um, hi, Loretta. I'm surprised to see you.
17:43Probably heard that I was here having fun, eating fried chicken, driving.
17:50Oh, come on. Who would be crazy enough to let you eat fried chicken and drive?
17:55Them.
17:57Look, don't look at me. My chicken was baked.
18:00Well, come on, come on. Pack your bags. I'm taking you home.
18:02No, no, wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
18:08I'm a grown man. I go where I want to go.
18:11Besides, I don't want to insult Calvin.
18:14He's building me an ADU with a water bed.
18:20Loretta, ain't none of that true.
18:24Come on, Daddy. Hear Loretta out. She drove all the way from Irvine to see you.
18:28Yeah. Close my sock store early, too.
18:32I'm so sorry. Are you referring to Sockopolis?
18:36In the Irvine Galleria? I love that story.
18:38You know, I'm what some people would refer to as a, uh, Sockaholic.
18:43Look at these.
18:45Ho, ho, ho, ho. Slow your roll, Romeo.
18:48This is my wife you talking to.
18:53You're my knight in shining armor now,
18:55but at home you fight me on everything.
18:58Oh, woman.
18:59Oh, oh, oh, Otis.
19:02Give and take.
19:04Give and take.
19:05Take and take.
19:12You know, I really do appreciate you.
19:17And I miss you.
19:18I miss you.
19:21I miss you, too.
19:23You got to let me live a little.
19:25Sometimes a man needs to eat something with a little flavor.
19:29Well...
19:32Okay, then. Let's make a deal.
19:35You be nice, and I'll give you a little something sweet now and then.
19:40You mean, uh, candy?
19:42Or you?
19:44Both.
19:46You know, I just took my pill.
19:49Good.
19:51Good Lord.
19:53You better get going,
19:55before Grandpa can't put his seatbelt on over his face.
19:57Hey, what?
19:58Shut up.
20:00Ooh, and...
20:02Tina, I'm glad you came to see me,
20:05and I forgive you for being cold to me,
20:08and for calling me heifer.
20:11Behind my back.
20:13I'm sorry.
20:17Well, how about you two come for dinner soon?
20:19Oh, yes, yes.
20:20I would like that.
20:22But it has to be at four.
20:24I can't drive at the door.
20:26I can.
20:27No, you can't.
20:31I love you, Daddy.
20:33I'll be back for my thangs, yeah.
20:34All right, okay.
20:35All right, now.
20:37Oh, wow.
20:39Yeah, boy, that's love right there.
20:40Whew!
20:41You know, they're really good together.
20:43Yeah, you know what?
20:44And speaking of together,
20:46I got one of Otis's little blue pills.
20:50You know what day it is?
20:52Home day!
20:55Good day!
20:56Night, night, night.
21:08We're waiting for you too,
21:09left again.
21:11You know, you have to wait a minute,
21:13and we'll be waiting for you too.
21:15Shut the door!
21:16Oh, no.
21:21You get to the door.
21:23But we need to wait.
21:25Oh, yeah!
21:27We need to wait!
21:29We need to wait!
21:31We need to wait.
21:33You need to wait!
21:35We need to wait.
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